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The cafeteria seemed quieter now, as the days were slowly coming to a close. Yugamu found himself paying attention to things he normally wouldn't. His thoughts were transfixed on two of his friends at a different table right now. Nozomi and Takumi certainly had been spending a lot of time together. Takumi said something that must have been funny, because now Nozomi was grinning and grabbing his forearm.
It was if the two of them were in their own little world— one that didn't have space for anyone outside their bubble. Such was an innate fact of life for hopeless romantics; falling for someone unavailable was always a bad move.
Yugamu fought the urge to force his way into the conversation. If they wanted to talk to him, they would have already. They had entered the cafeteria after he did. Intruding would only make things more awkward and unwelcome.
He looked around the cafeteria for anything less depressing to lay his eyes on. A few tables down from him was Eito, eating a sandwich he had put together himself with ingredients from the fridge. There was a lot to think about when he looked at Eito. Right now, he was focused on his gloves. Yugamu had never seen Eito take them off. Surely they would get dirty from him eating finger food, or maybe they were for protection so he wouldn't get irritated by any strange textures. He was an odd one, wasn't he? Yugamu didn't know much about him. On the surface he seemed corny and a bit under-socialized. That could be said for about half of the SDU. Eito had a tendency to ramble, but it was only ever about things he'd read. Truth be told, Yugamu couldn't list a single thing about Eito's life from when he was on the TRC besides that he was in and out of hospitals.
That could be the full reason why information was sparse. It didn't make for very interesting stories. He'd have to ask Eito about his personal life sometime, and peer behind the white curtains that reflected everything away.
The meat fell out of the back of Eito's sandwich. It hit the plate with such a slopping wet sound that even Yugamu was alerted. Eito had paused, hardly registering his sandwich's structural collapse.
Had he been alerted to Yugamu staring at him? The angle of his gaze begged to differ, instead directing towards the happy couple with pinpoint accuracy. Sharp, with no room for error.
Oh.
Of course Yugamu wasn't the only one crushing on Takumi. To think that he was special in that regard was ridiculous. Takumi's magnetic draw was far too strong. But his affection was given to Nozomi, undivided. Yugamu wasn't a sore loser. He'd leave the happy couple alone. Instead, his attention was transfixed past their table, towards the other person in the room brooding about these developments.
Eito. Emotionally available was a whole other discussion, but with only a couple weeks before their hundred days were over, Yugamu wanted to shoot his shot while he still could. Casual conversation would work best; he could build rapport up with him until they were familiar enough to take things further. Eito didn't seem like the kind of guy who would rush things. But he hadn't seemed like the kind of guy who would get jealous over a crush, either. Yugamu learned something new every day here.
Just as Yugamu was about to rise from his seat, Eito clutched his chest. His face distorted into a pained expression as if he were about to collapse. He quickly stood up and made a beeline out of the room, not bothering to put his plate or trash away.
Takumi looked up, concerned, yet didn't really do anything. Nozomi got up and brought her's, Takumi's, and even Eito's plates up to wash, leaving Takumi alone at the table.
Yugamu could talk to him now, get a few words in to stand out among the other suitors. But…
Yugamu felt the tip of his tongue holding back against his teeth. He opted to forfeit this round; there were more pressing matters to attend to.
And those 'matters' could be getting more tricky to locate the more time he wasted.
Yugamu got up and headed out of the cafeteria. He looped around the corner. There was no sign of Eito down at the end of the hall. He must have gone upstairs, or into one of the rooms. The bathroom was most likely. Yugamu pushed the door open with his feet.
The stall doors were open. He could see Eito's feet and legs kneeling on the ground. He must have been in too much of a hurry to waste time closing the door. Yugamu stealthily approached, out of habit mostly; Eito had already heard him open the main door. He should be alerted to Yugamu's presence. Eito was on his knees, gloved hands gripping the seat of the toilet bowl as he retched into it. His hair dangled down towards the bowl, arms shaking.
Poor Eito. He looked miserable.
People always looked cute when the delicate control they danced through daily interactions with was ripped out of their grasp. This was a real, unfiltered form of Eito that he was gifted to see. It made Yugamu feel all tingly inside.
He could leave now and give Eito the privacy he deserved during such a vulnerable moment. But that was exactly why he wanted to stay. This moment of Eito's, it could be a moment for them. Instead of pain, Eito could remember how nice he was cared for.
Yugamu knelt down next to Eito. He paid no extra attention to the disgusting nature of the room, because if he was uncomfortable it wouldn't be as easy to comfort Eito. Yugamu reached his hands out.
"Your hair is so cute, wouldn't want it to get dirty," said Yugamu, softly, as he pulled Eito's hair back and out of his face. It wasn't quite long enough to get into the way of everything, but Yugamu thought it would be nice. He hoped Eito would too, and that it would make him feel loved. Eito spit up more of his lunch, and Yugamu tried to hide the excitement bubbling within him. Such a visceral, intimate moment, and he was allowed to be present for it.
Eito took two heavy breaths, and relaxed his grip on the bowl. He shut his eyes tightly.
"Sorry you had to see that!"
Eito breathed out the words in a shaky voice. It perplexed Yugamu, perhaps more than it should have. It seemed to be a gross under-reaction to the situation at hand. It was hard to gauge his emotions here. But one thing Yugamu knew for certain, was that Eito was still hiding something from him.
"It's okay," said Yugamu softly. He brushed his fingers through Eito's hair, feeling him tense up at the touch. Yet Eito never said anything, or reacted much to the action.
"I should have closed the door, but I was in a hurry," said Eito. "I can handle things from here."
Ah, his cue to leave. Yugamu finally let go of Eito's hair, silver locks falling around his face. He played with one of the strands first before taking his hands fully off him. He stood up, and took a step backwards. Eito closed the stall door.
"It's fine, I've seen worse," said Yugamu. He cringed. That was probably the worse thing to say to someone who just puked in front of him. Try again… "It was honestly kind of cute! I got to hear you make such adorable sounds."
Yeah, that wasn't going to cut it either. Especially not when little Yugamu was taking notes for later.
"Cute? Adorable? I think you may need to thumb through a thesaurus," replied Eito from behind the stall door. "You're giving me goosebumps with these adjectives."
Eito was clearly not receptive to his affection in his current state. He was practically hiding from him. This was the opposite of what he wanted.
Yugamu pulled a small bottle from his robes. He carried multiple elixirs he'd crafted, along with some water.
"I have water. If you'd like to rinse your mouth out," said Yugamu. He gave the bottle a shake so Eito could hear the liquid slosh inside.
The door creaked open. Eito glanced at the water bottle. He reached out without a single ounce of confidence, and took it from Yugamu.
"Thanks!" His big cheeky smile stopped right before his eyes. Yugamu could sense pain and disgust in them.
"Don't worry, I don't think any less of you," said Yugamu. Eito didn't seem to enjoy that comment either. Instead of swishing out his mouth, he opted to take his gloves off by the sink. Yugamu watched as the pale skin began to reveal itself. It almost felt like something he shouldn't be looking at, the very act of removing them felt erotic. His fingers were long, and his knuckles a bit bony. His nails were clipped short, and his fingers were pink at the tips. Eito ran his hands under the water, pumping for soap twice to really scrub away. When he finished, he tossed his gloves into the trash.
"I didn't know they were disposable," said Yugamu. "Your gloves, I mean. I always assumed you could just throw them in with the laundry."
He was rambling again! Eito didn't want to hear about the laundry… That was the hopeless romantic in him, being in the presence of cute boys always made him say stupid things.
"They're not."
Eito then failed to elaborate any more than that. He grabbed the bottle of water, wincing as his bare skin touched the outside. He took a swig. Yugamu watched as Eito's lips wrapped around the bottle, the way his head tilted up just so slightly, and how his throat muscles pushed the fluid downwards. His veins were slightly visible under his pale skin. Yugamu knew exactly where to put an incision to offer a swift demise. He wanted to touch the spots on his neck, and feel his pulse as the blood rushed through, leaving him very much alive and well. He could push, or prod, but he'd never slice. Not unless Eito ever wanted him to.
"If you don't mind me asking, what were you being treated for at the hospital?" asked Yugamu, breaking the silence between them. Eito's smile faded from his face, and was replaced by a look with such fierce intensity that tipped Yugamu off to the fact this was a touchy subject. But the smile returned before he could say anything, and only served to confuse him more.
"There's no cure. I can only manage my symptoms," said Eito, sheepishly. He gripped the sides of his arms and held himself defensively. The drip from the sink filled the gap before Eito spoke again. "I appreciate you trying to help, though. It means a lot to me."
Aw, he was sweet. That was one thing Yugamu could say about Eito for sure; he was kind and well-mannered.
"If I have a little more information on the symptoms, I can whip something up in the bio lab for you," said Yugamu. "I've already made some anti nausea drugs for Tsubasa, would you like some?"
"No thanks!"
"You don't have to prove anything to me by not taking the pills," said Yugamu. "I just think you deserve to be comfortable." This was a common line of thinking he had run into occasionally. Often times people refused medications because they believed their suffering was some kind of divine punishment, or that they were too good for it.
For Eito, thinking he was too good for it made more sense. He wasn't overly arrogant, but people didn't have to be to refuse help. It could just as easily be a self esteem thing, which seemed more likely due to his softer personality. He didn't seem like the type to have done anything so horrible he deserved to be punished. Though that was once again another assumption Yugamu had placed on him. He truly didn't know much at all.
"I'm not proving anything, though I am flattered by your offers," said Eito. It came so naturally, it was almost as if he'd rehearsed this conversation before. It only made Yugamu want to bite more. He was hiding something, there was no reason to guard himself this closely unless there was something he was keeping from everyon. "You don't need to play doctor with me."
Yugamu nodded his head. Of course, growing up in and out of the hospital, Eito knew his body better than anyone else. He may react poorly to any sort of medication Yugamu would give him, or it straight up might not work. It was an interesting puzzle, though, but if Eito didn't want him to 'play doctor' then there wasn't an easy way to go about making a pill that could help him.
He decided to go all in, putting his cards on the table.
"What about some hot tea and a blanket then? We could go back to my room and cuddle," suggested Yugamu, with a wink. "I'm good at massages, too, if you're feeling up to it."
Eito's smile looked more like gritted teeth. He did just throw up, so Yugamu knew undoubtedly that he was in some sort of pain at the very least. Maybe asking him something so bold when he was already upset about Takumi was too much. It wasn't good to dwell on things, and if Eito let it fester inside him it would gnaw away at any happiness he had left.
"Aha, I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of commitment," said Eito. "I'd actually rather be alone right now."
Of course the heartache from everyone's secret crush on Takumi was getting to him. Yugamu put a knowing and comforting hand on Eito's shoulder, noticing the ever so slight wince at the physical contact.
"I understand the feeling," said Yugamu, giving Eito a pat, before lifting his hand off. He could notice a relief on his face. Physical contact was definitely not one of his love languages.
"I'm not so sure, but I respect the empathy," said Eito with his fake cheery voice. He sounded as passionate as an email.
Maybe he had to be more direct, and speak from his heart. If he let a glimmer of his true self out, no layers, no overblown performances, it could resonate with Eito in ways he hadn't been able to achieve yet.
"I like observing people. Because I mean, on the inside we're all the same. We've got bones, and blood, and organs. I guess it's what's outside the person that makes their organs special to me, though. Well, skin is an organ, but I'm really talking about all the ones I don't get to see," rambled Yugamu. "They can really be quite cute. I think your heart would be adorable, if you'd ever let me hold it."
He would cradle it, and cherish it. Such a powerful muscle, it was also more fragile than it's importance would suggest. Yugamu felt dizzy with want just talking about it.
"… I think my heart will stay in my chest. But if it ever falls out, I suppose you could keep it. I wouldn't have much use for it, would I? And I know how happy it would make you," Eito said, forcing another smile. But this time it felt less defensive, and more like he was trying to connect with the sense of humor Yugamu was bringing. He had to applaud the effort, even if Yugamu himself was a bit too embarrassed to fully appreciate it.
He was almost too casual about it, causing Yugamu to wonder once again just what was going on inside that head of his.
"Let me know if you need anything, you can always stop by my room," said Yugamu.
"Thanks," said Eito with a fake grin that Yugamu just knew meant he'd never take him up on the offer. He sighed. He'd tried his best to woo him, but Eito remained one mysterious and unsolvable creature.
As if Eito had finally won against his perilous trials, Yugamu stepped away from the bathroom door entrance. Instead of rudely pushing past him, Eito could now peacefully exit the room. Yugamu didn't expect him to leave so soon, hoping that perhaps Eito had a general interest in talking to him. But he was gone, swiftly, leaving a half empty water bottle on the counter. Yugamu took a swig. It was putrid and vile, accosting his taste-buds in ways that made him physically regret putting it in his mouth. Though it did bring him closer to Eito, one step further towards understanding how he felt during their encounter. And he'd gotten an indirect kiss, after all.