Chapter Text
Cloud
Six worlds.
Eight hundred and seventy eight days.
Solar flares. Sunsets. Endless horizons.
I’ve seen geomagnetic storms illuminate the endless sky in ultraviolet and golden waves and watched stars explode, knowing it happened long before the light traveled its way to the Chrysalis, and it was only an echo of the past moving through space and time.
Still, despite the great many wonders journeying through the skies and breaking through the inter-dimensional barriers to alternate worlds, nothing has ever surpassed the beauty of a pale pink ribbon tied into ash brown hair.
“This one’s pretty,” Tifa says into my hidden earpiece.
She’s talking about the world, of course. Solar panels line the roofs in the glimmering skyline. Children play and laugh in the parks lush with softly swaying willows, and a river so pristine I could weep curves through the center of the city.
It certainly hasn’t been a burden canvassing the streets at night or breaking into hospitals and markets to replenish our supplies like we landed at an all you can grab buffet. I’ve actually felt a little guilty for the first time, since I don’t think this neighborhood has ever experienced meaningful theft or crime before.
But when I reply, “It is. The prettiest yet,” I’m talking about Aerith Gainsborough.
Through the window of the teashop, Aerith is radiant in a delicate red sweater. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun secured with her signature bow that transcends each world, and light-wash jeans hang loosely from her frame as she wipes down the cafe tables before the end of her shift.
“I guess this is what happens when you don’t bleed a planet dry of its life force,” Barret says.
The reading on our mako meter maxed out. It’s impossible to know how far above our understanding of scale it exceeds.
I nod tightly. “Shinra can’t their greedy hands on this one.”
“Don’t fuck this up, Cloud. We’ve never seen a planet like this, and we need to block the signal quick before Shinra can find it,” Yuffie warns.
“I won’t.”
A student interrupts Aerith’s cleaning to ask her a question, and her bright smile steals the air right from my lungs.
It’s a light in the dark. No matter how many times I fail, or how often I lose her, every time her lips part to unleash a trill of a laugh, the sharp edges of this life I’ve fallen into soften.
It’s hope. She is all the hope I’ll ever need.
I’ll never stop searching for a planet where she survives. Not just for my sake, but the sake of every universe. Because as unyielding as I am in finding a version of her that lives, Shinra is planning to match me at every turn searching for every version of Aerith to capture and enslave to aid them in their unquenchable thirst for power. Now that they have the ability to travel between worlds and siphon mako from alternate universes to further their dominion over Midgar, there’s no end to their control in sight.
The only edge we have is that they don’t know Chadley smuggled us the blueprints for the technology. We had to scale down. I’ve got this ragtag crew of four and the smallest ship we could manage that would survive the trip. But it also means we got out first, and we’re faster. If we can successfully place the materia Chadley developed that interrupts the signal of mako readers, making it look like a planet is already drained, it should keep them safe from Shinra’s theft when they start their mass multiversal siphon expedition. For now, at least.
But we need to install the disruptor at the center of the source of the planets lifeblood. For that, we need Aerith. Every world. Every time. She’s the only one that can find it.
We’ve protected three worlds. Lost two. Found one which had already destroyed itself.
But I’ve never saved her.
I don’t care what plans the planets have in store. I’m not going to stop. I’ll tear apart every universe until I find the one where Aerith survives. I’ll cleave my way to whatever gods abandoned us and make them answer for creating worlds where monsters thrive and the gentle never stood a chance.
“You heading in, or are you just gonna stare like a creep a little longer?” Barret asks.
“Yeah.” I hitch my bag higher up on my shoulders. “I’m headed in.”
“This place broke the scale, Cloud. For all we know, this is the only world left that’s like this.”
“I got it, Barret.”
I keep my head low and weave my way through the university students hunched over their drinks and clustered around textbooks. It’s nice to see worlds where kids have more to look forward to than becoming a mercenary or a Shinra lackey. But I try not to get too attached. It’s dangerous to stack the other worlds against our own or rank them against each other. We treat every world the same. That was the promise our team made. Whether there’s only a drop of mako or it breaks the scale, it’s too precious to let even the smallest amount disappear. And we have no way of knowing how much is out there in the worlds. Or how many worlds there are.
When we said goodbye to Midgar, I’m not certain it wasn’t forever. Sometimes I think we’ll spend the rest of our lives coasting through universes and protecting the planets from Shinra.
So it’s no use daydreaming. Imagining a world where it could be Aerith and I at the cafes, my feet tangled with hers under the table as she gently blows on her tea to cool it down.
I may be a man of no worlds now. But if I can keep her safe in any of them, I can’t help the thought that I really hope it’s this one.
“Welcome to the Stargazer Room,” Aerith smiles brightly as she sweeps behind the counter and tucks a dishrag into her apron. “What can I— Oh.” She halts when our gazes meet. “Your eyes.”
My lips twitch. It’s always the first thing she notices about me. I can’t blame her for it. So far, our home planet is the only one where anyone underwent mako infusion.
“Genetic disorder,” I offer.
Her hands brush her parted lips. “Sorry. That was so rude of me to say something.”
“It’s fine.” I shrug.
“Does it… hurt?”
“No.”
“How are you still so shit at flirting?” Yuffie asks.
“Somehow it works every time.” Tifa chuckles. “The only stroke of luck we’ve got going for us is the fact that Cloud’s complete lack of personality is apparently Aerith’s type in every universe.”
I try not to roll my eyes. The moment Aerith looks elsewhere, I’ll happily send a middle finger through the hidden cameras affixed to the buttons on my jacket and pin on my rucksack.
“Well…” Color blooms on the high points of Aerith’s cheeks. “It’s a very beautiful genetic disorder. You could be a model if you wanted. Are you a model? Oh—” She clasps her hands over her face. “That was so nosy. Forget I asked.”
“Ask if she knows an agency she could set you up with. And she’ll be like, ‘No, why?’ then you can be like, ‘Oh, I thought for sure you were the model,’” Yuffie says.
“Oh, that’s good,” Tifa adds.
“That’s terrible,” Barret grouses. “No way that would work on Aerith. For some godforsaken reason she seems to like the fact that he has no charisma. He’s better off just staring at her and staying silent like some kind of freak.”
“Can you all shut up?” I mutter under my breath.
“What was that?” Aerith asks.
“Er… I was wondering what tea is your favorite.”
“Oh!” Aerith beams. “Well, I’m partial to our house Stargazer Tea. We grow all the herbs and flowers on our rooftop garden. No one else in the city sources that locally. And I tend to the garden myself, so I can assure you our ingredients are the highest quality. We’re the best in town.”
“Rooftop garden? That sounds incredible.”
“It is. I wish we could show it off to the public, but obviously we can’t give everyone access to the roof.”
“I’d love to see it sometime.”
“Oh yeah?” Aerith raises a disbelieving brow as her gaze skates over my all black wardrobe and military style backpack. “You a garden man?”
“I am.” When she squints at me, I say, “I used to know a girl who tended to the most beautiful gardens you’ve ever seen. Not much grew where I came from, but she could make flowers bloom out of a metal sheet. Ever since I met her, I never miss the opportunity to see a garden. They always remind me of her.”
My crew back on the ship is blessedly quiet.
“Used to know?” Aerith asks. “That sounds like someone I wouldn’t want to lose touch with.”
I rub my neck. “She passed away a few years ago.”
She sucks in a soft breath. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“I—”
“Hey, Aerith.”
Shit. Well, not shit. Aerith’s coworker is right on time, as expected. Which is good. Everything’s going according to plan.
I just got a bit distracted. Lost track of time. It’s prone to happen whenever I get the chance to talk to her.
“Hey, Clara. I’ll just finish up this last order then the floors all yours.” She turns back to me. “So, what do you think?”
“I’ll take the Stargazer tea.”
She grins. “Good choice. Name?”
“Cloud. Cloud Strife.”
“It’ll be just a minute, Cloud Strife.”
I take my time stirring honey into my tea and meticulously sifting through the cardboard sleeves, listening carefully for Aerith to clock out and say her goodbye’s.
“Oh, sorry! I didn’t see you there,” Aerith chirps when we collide near the door, even though I’m the one that bumped into her. Intentionally.
“Don’t worry about it. After you.”
“No, you first, please.”
I’m forced to accept her offer, as she’s already maneuvered around me and swung the door open.
We pause face to face on the sidewalk.
“How’s the tea?” she asks.
“Delicious. Thank you.”
She tucks a strand of hair that’s pulled free from her bun behind her ear. “I guess I’ll see you around then?”
“Yeah. Definitely. This is the best tea shop town, right? I just moved in a few blocks away, on the corner of 8th and Warrick. ”
“Really? That’s…” She tucks her bottom lip between her teeth.
I know what decision she’s calculating. How much information she should give a man she just met. Whether or not she should invite him to spend more time together. If she should hand over private little pieces of her heart to a stranger.
“You can see our rooftop garden from the fire escape of that building,” she says.
My stomach twists with guilt. This is always when the magic of meeting Aerith again dims a little. When the plan clicks into place, and I’m reminded that all of this was calculated.
I don’t have an apartment here. I’ve watched her for days to learn her schedule. My crew hacked in to every camera and mainframe in the city. I already know about the fire escape. And it’s not my privilege to so easily gain the trust of the woman I love more than living, but my job.
I do my best to smooth out my expression into mild curiosity and say, “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” Aerith’s smile could power every solar panel in the city. “Want me to show you?”
***
Aerith’s scent is the same in every universe. Stargazer lilies, morning dew, and the softest hints of damp earth and lime.
It’s a fight to keep my head on straight every time it drifts over to me and invades my bloodstream like ether.
“So, what brings you to town Cloud Strife?” Aerith tosses her head over her shoulder before hoisting herself onto the fire escape and starting to climb.
Worlds collapse. I’m back in the slums, scaling metal roofs and rusted ladders, chasing after a blur of pink fabric and a laugh like bells, trying to keep everything she was safe. I made a promise to be her bodyguard years ago. And I’m still trying.
My insides harden to stone as I try to shake off the memories. The sharp yank on my ribs that drags me through a series of deaths. Every version of her that I’ve lost until the thread squeezes around my throat and cuts off my air supply.
“Cloud?”
“Huh?”
She giggles. “I asked what brings you to town.”
“Sorry,” I say. “Work.”
“Not modeling?” She grins down at me, and I try to breathe as we ascend.
“Not modeling. I’m in… energy conservation.”
“Cool.”
“Not really.”
Her laugh melts down my spine like hot wax. Fuck. I need to focus. How the hell is it possible that I’m not used to this by now?
“Well, I think it’s cool. So, agree to disagree.” Her leg hitches over the flat metal grate, and she spins around to offer her hand to me.
I huff. “You don’t think I can make it up on my own?”
“It’s not about whether or not you can.” She lifts an elegant shoulder. “But if you don’t have go at it alone, why should you?”
My lungs push against my ribs as they expand, and when Aerith’s eyes widen as her palm glides into mine, I wonder if she can feel it. That we know each other. That she’s as much a part of me as my own heartbeat, and I’ll never give up until she’s free and safe to grow old. Tend to her flowers without the threat of capture or death.
“Your hands are cold,” she says.
“Sorry.”
“You say sorry a lot.”
I run my hand through my hair. “I have a lot to be sorry for.”
Her head cocks, amused. “Turn around,” she whispers.
I do, and even Barret exhales when the city skyline comes into view.
The sun is fast disappearing between the buildings. Rows of balconies teem with life, be it families, happy couples, or students relaxing. Vertical gardens burst with color. Soft pink and pale orange clouds drift through the sky like the softest spun sugar, and the light reflects off the windows, casting the whole world in an impossibly warm glow.
“Damn,” Yuffie breathes. “If we pick a world to settle down in when this is all over, this would be the one.”
“You know we can’t stay in any of the alternate worlds,” Tifa warns. But the longing in her voice sends a pang through me. “It’s too dangerous.”
“I know.” Yuffie sighs. “I was just daydreaming.”
I wish I could turn my headset off. Let everything else fall away as Aerith smiles brightly and waves me over to the fire escape railing.
“Look.” She points out a rooftop covered head to toe in colors I didn’t even know existed. Glass greenhouses protect rows and rows of stargazers, and a trickling stone water fountain glitters with moving water. It looks decorative. Like they’ve got water to spare, and its only function is to make the world a little more beautiful. “That’s it. The rooftop garden.”
“Did you design it?”
Aerith’s cheeks tinge the color of her ribbon. “I just rearranged things a little bit. The shop isn’t mine. But I’ve always dreamed of opening my own place one day.”
“You should.”
“Oh yeah?” She nudges me with her elbow. “Would you still come to see me if I was running the second best tea-shop on the other side of town?”
“If it’s yours, it won’t be second best. And I’d travel much farther than the other side of town to see you again.”
Her pupils flare, and her gaze briefly drops to my mouth. The crew back on the ship whoops and whistles. Fucking hell.
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” she says.
“I really don’t.” Only you. Every you.
“You swear?”
“I swear.”
We’re quiet for a long while as we watch the light sink beneath the skyline. Wind whips around us, pulling more strands loose from Aerith’s bun twisted atop her head. The air here is so clean and crisp, it smooths over the raised scars on my battle-worn soul with each inhale. I wonder if the mako infusion would eventually clear out of my system if I keep breathing air so pure.
Bells chime from the university campus, breaking the haze of serenity.
She tucks the loose strands of hair back into her bun, and it takes everything in me not to reach out and do it myself. “It’s getting late.”
“Yeah. You probably need to get home.”
“Yeah.” She tucks her bottom lip between her teeth. “Have you been to the West Gate Market yet?”
I shake my head no, even though I’ve ransacked it five nights in a row. “Should I check it out?”
“Definitely. I was planning on grabbing dinner from one of the food stalls before I head home.”
“Nice.”
Barret groans. “That was an invitation, dumbass.”
Oh. Shit. “I need some dinner, too. Any chance you wanna show me your favorite spot?”
“Hmmm.” Aerith dramatically taps her lips, considering, then shoots me an adorably impish grin. “Sure. Why not?”
The streetlamps kick on long before the sun is fully down. Just like the water sculptures, it’s like there’s no shortage of energy to burn. I make a mental note to see if we can hack in to the energy company’s mainframe and get the solar panel and wind turbine schematics back to Chadley. So far, we’re still able to communicate directly. Shinra might have bled our planet so dry that it’s days seem numbered, but maybe our home planet can stand even half a chance if we clear out Shinra and eliminate the reliance on mako energy. The planet can never be what it used to be, but if I can help make life a little more comfortable for everyone still there for the time it has left, with renewable energy, I will.
Aerith is watching me take in the city streets with piqued curiosity. “Where did you say you were from?”
“I didn’t. Just some nothing rural town.”
“Ah.” She nods, like that explains my alien behavior. “So you’re new to city life.”
“Something like that.” A clean, safe city where everyone has what they need and there are no overlords hoarding more resources than they could possibly burn through in this life while everyone else struggles to keep food on the table.
“Well, I’m happy to be your tour guide. But I have to admit, I’m not very cool. If you’re looking for someone to show you all the trendy new clubs and nightlife, I’m the furthest thing from it.”
Aerith in a blood-red dress. Flowers and ribbons spun through her tied-back hair. A slit as high as her hips, and freckles on her collarbone.
“I’m not very cool, either.”
“No way. You give total cool-guy energy.”
“Is that… a good thing?”
Her emerald eyes twinkle in the lamplight. “I’m still deciding.”
The corners of my mouth tip up, and she meets it with a mischievous chuckle.
“Miss Aerith!” A stout little boy with thick-rimmed glasses and fat orange cat cradled in his arms waddles up to us. “I got an A+ on my history test.”
“That’s amazing, Stewart. Good job. Cloud, this is Stewart. He’s one of my friends from the community center. We offer free tutoring on the weekends. Stewart, this is our new neighbor, Cloud.”
Stewart scrunches his nose incredulously. “Cloud is a weird name.”
“Stewart!”
“Sorry, Miss Aerith. It is weird, though.”
“My name isn’t even the weirdest thing about me,” I say. I don’t mean for it sound threatening, but I’m not good at adjusting my tone with children.
Thankfully, they usually find me funny anyway. And this world is no different.
“You’re really weird,” Stewart says again.
I open to my mouth to reply, but before I can say anything, the cat yowls in a banshee wail and tries to claw free of Stewart’s hands.
A giant, snow-white hound that’s escaped from it’s owners leash is bee-lining straight for us. It doesn’t seem aggressive, but it’s also ignoring it’s owners frantic pleas as they shout for the furry creature to stop and sit.
“Mr. Sniffles!” Stewart cries as his tabby finally claws its way free.
“Mr. Sniffles, no!” The cat darts directly into traffic, and Aerith bolts toward the oncoming cars without a moments hesitation, waving frantically to get them to stop.
My instincts kick in. Adrenaline roars in my veins, blocking out any sound as I grip Aerith by the waist and move her out of the way.
“Get off of me,” she cries. “I need to help. He’s going to get run over.”
“I’ve got it. Stay here and get the dog back to the owners.”
Time slows, and I can’t make out the frenzied shouts in my ear as I rush into the street. From my headset. From Aerith. From Stewart. I grab a few of the most conspicuous spikes I have on hand from my bag and toss them in front of the incoming cars, blowing their tires out before they can come any closer. The damn cat starts running toward the vehicles, all of which are moments away from having their back bumpers smashed in by the rest of the cars that can’t slow down in time. I curse under my breath, take off as fast as I can, and roll in between the cars, grabbing the cat by the scruff of his neck before he can slip under a vehicle and out of my grasp.
Fucking Mr. Sniffles. Stewart runs up to me, cheeks tear-streaked, voice raw,
Once the pounding in my ears settles, my head is clear enough to hear what my crew is screaming at me through the headset.
Don’t.
Stop.
Cloud, stop it.
A violent rumble moves the ground beneath my feet.
Fuck. Fuck.
“Get inside, Stewart.” When the little boy stares at me and blinks, I shake him violently. “Get the fuck inside. Now,” I shout. He whimpers and scurries back into his apartment complex. My head swivels, looking for Aerith. The couple chasing their dog is gone. They must already be blocks away. God damn it. How far away is she?
The ground moves again.
“Cloud, get out of there now, damn it,” Barret snarls. “We need to be out of the atmosphere stat.”
“I need Aerith.”
“I can see her on the city cameras. She’s headed back your way, but she’s not moving fast enough.”
“What direction?”
“Doesn’t matter what direction. Get your ass back here. We either lose one of you or both of you,” Barret says.
“I’m not leaving without her.”
“Northeast,” Yuffie says frantically. “She’s two blocks Northeast.”
“Yuffie,” Barret snaps.
“We need her,” she says. “We still have to place the materia at the source even if this world collapses. There’s no finding it without Aerith. Cloud, she’s hurt. I think she went down during the first shake.”
“Hurt where?”
“Her arm. She’s clutching it. And it looks like she hit her head, but the cut is shallow. I don’t know, the cameras aren’t clear.”
I move without thinking. Barret curses violently. Tifa offers a warning, “Cloud…”
The ground moves again, hard enough that I have jump with the seismic shift to keep from stumbling.
“Shit,” Barret mutters. “Fire up the engine. We need to go to them or they’re goners.”
“But… everyone will see us,” Yuffie says.
“Everyone will be dead soon,” he snaps back.
I block it out. I block out everything. I fucked up beyond repair. Broke the one cardinal rule of inter-dimensional travel. Don’t interfere with matters of life and death. Don’t play God.
This planet is going to tear apart at the seams until it’s nothing but rubble. But Yuffie’s right. It will still be leaking mako and show up on Shinra’s radar. And if we can’t block the signal, I just offered up the most powerful source of mako we’ve seen in any world so far on a fucking platter.
I run. I keep running, and when Aerith’s red sweater materializes in my line of sight, I run faster than I ever have before.
“Cloud!” she shouts. Her voice is so thick with terror it rips through my chest and burns the back of my throat.
“Run, Aerith. Keep running to me.”
She sobs and pumps her good arm. The next rumble lasts ten whole seconds, but she manages to keep upright and moving forward. Shit. The next wave is going to be bad. Really bad.
“Faster,” I shout.
“We’re coming Cloud,” Tifa promises. “Almost there.”
I stretch out my hand. Aerith is still too far. If we can just reach other, I can protect her from the next seismic blast. I need my weapons. I need my materia. My gear. Something to bring her closer, but I only keep a pack full of small, fucking useless tools that are native to the world when I’m on the ground. We can’t let our ship or any unknown technology be seen.
Aerith is finally close enough that I can see the blood and tears streaming down her face.
I did this. I hurt her.
“Clou—”
Her cry is cut off by the next blast. I’m ripped from the ground and catapulted into the air.
I swivel my head and twist my body, trying to locate the ground and orient myself to throw my weight into my shoulder and break the fall with a roll. The ground is cracked, and a sharp edge of concrete rips through my back when I hit it. I shout in agony, but silence myself when a louder crack splits my eardrums. Invades every cell in my body.
I stop feeling pain. I stop feeling anything at all as I slowly lift my head and see the body of the woman I love sprawled limply on the ruined ground.
Not again. Not again.
“Aerith,” my voice cracks.
“Cloud?”
“Fuck. You’re alive. You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.”
“I can’t see anything.”
“We’re pulling up,” Barret says. “Get ready.”
“Okay.” I wipe the tears and dirt from my face with my sleeve. “I just need to help her up.”
“Cloud,” Tifa says softly. “She’s not getting up.”
Blood pools at the base of her skull, and when I finally scan her body, I realize one of her ribs has broken clean through her skin. Her back landed directly on a raised break in the ground.
“She’s alive,” I say, desperate. “She’s still alive.”
“Cloud,” Tifa says again. “We need to go.”
Wind lashes at my back as our ship lowers above us. Barret throws open the hatch and screams, “Get in here. Now.”
“W-who is that?” Aerith asks. Blood dribbles out of the corner of her mouth, and when she coughs violently, she groans in pain.
“It’s a friend. We’re going to get you out of here. We’re going to keep you safe. Can you move?”
“I think so.” But she doesn’t so much as wiggle a pinkie. “Don’t leave me,” she begs. “I don’t want to die alone.”
“I won’t leave. I promise.” I clutch her hand in mine as the earth rumbles, threatening to yawn clean open. “I’ll never leave you. Never. I love you, Aerith.”
“You don’t even k-know me.”
“I know you. I know you better than anyone.”
“I—”
I’m yanked back, and I thrash against a metal arm gripped around my neck.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I snarl. “She’s still alive.”
“She’s gone. And if we don’t get the hell out of here right now, we will be too.”
“She’s still alive. Let go or I’ll fucking kill you.”
“Good luck with that, kid.”
Barret shoots the grappling gun straight into the open hatch, and we’re moving before I have time to blink.
I hit the deck of the steel floor. Aerith’s blood drips down my hands, and when Barret secures the hatch and slowly turns around, I crack my fist right against his jaw and splatter it across his face.
“I told you I would fucking kill you,” I snarl.
Barret slams his metal arm into my chest, and my back crushes against the hard wall. I dip low and ram my shoulder into his stomach, knocking him to the ground, and rip the arm clean off his body before he can throw another punch.
“You son of a bitch.”
I land another blow to his face with my bloodied fist. Another. Another.
“She was alive.”
Barret spits out a pool of blood. “She was gone. Her body was in fucking pieces.”
“I promised I wouldn’t let her die alone.”
“I’m sure she’s already forgotten you said that.”
I howl at the top of my lungs, ready to rain down on Barret’s face until it’s so beaten in he’ll never be able to recognize it in a mirror again, but a hard barrel of metal cracks against the side of my skull.
Fuck. The grappling gun.
“Stop it,” Tifa shouts. “Both of you. We don’t have enough medical supplies to waste on whatever the hell this is.”
“She was still alive, Tifa,” I say.
“We heard you the first seven hundred times,” Barret grunts and hobbles over to his metal arm. I’ve never incapacitated him like that before. It was a low blow, but he deserved worse.
“Cloud, she was never going to make it. We all saw her injuries. She was blind and paralyzed the moment she hit the ground. Her ribs were broken, and based on amount of blood coming out of her mouth, her lungs were punctured, too.”
“We didn’t have to just leave her there. I promised.”
“You also promised not to fuck this up.”
“Barret,” Tifa warns.
“What? Are we honestly going to pretend it’s not an issue that Cloud has killed hundreds of thousands of people on three different planets now?”
“Two planets,” Tifa corrects. She lifts her chin, but there’s no hiding the shadows passing her eyes. The first time we lost a world, we were on the ground together. We secured the disruptor at the source, but she was the one who set off the collapse trying to save Aerith on the way back to the surface. She hasn’t been able set foot off the ship since. “We’re all figuring this out. We had no idea what would happen.”
“How long are we going to let him act like he’s in charge here, and we’re all just slaves to Cloud’s whims and opinions?” Barret’s eyes slant to me. “Was showing off for your girl and destroying the most peaceful planet we’ve ever seen with untouched mako an acceptable accident?” He shakes his head. “How many shit calls are we supposed to overlook? How many lives can we destroy before we start to ask if we’re the villains?”
“You’ve never worried about that before,” I spit.
“I’ve never leveled an entire planet in minutes flat before, asshole.”
“If we weren’t making these mistakes, Shinra would be. And unlike them, we actually care. We’re trying our best. All they want is mako, and they have no regard for how many lives they take in the process. What we’re doing is…” Tifa shakes her head, and tears coat her eyes in a film of shine. “This is crazy. We’re traveling to alternate dimensions, Barret. It’s not like we have a rulebook. But it’s the only choice. We all carry the weight of the lives lost. And if all we are is the lesser evil to Shinra, that’s the best any world has got right now.”
He drops his chin. “Cloud is unreliable when it comes to her. We’re all just too damn cowardly to admit it. And the rest of us aren’t allowed to risk everyone else to prioritize the people we still love. He’s made that damn clear.”
“Do you wanna be to the one on the ground, Barret? You think you’ll do a better job than me winning over Aerith or not wreaking havoc while stomping around with your piss-poor attitude and gun for an arm? Or should we send Tifa down again when she’s still so fucking traumatized she wakes up screaming every night?” Tifa winces, but I keep going. “Or Maybe Yuffie is who we should hang the fate of every world on. I’m sure she’ll handle the mental weight of collapsing a planet extremely well. And she’s certainly never been impulsive, not to mention her social skills are off the charts.”
“You think you’ve got room to talk about social skills? Really, Cloud?”
“The only person I need to win over is Aerith. She trusts me. Every time. In every universe. She’s my—” I cut myself off before I say soulmate and clench my fists at my side. “You wanna take me off the field? Fine. Pick whoever you think will do a better job than me out of the four assholes we have on this ship. It’s your call.”
Silence falls over the room. I huff. “That’s what I thought. I’d love for the burden of every goddamn planet in every universe not to have fallen on me, but it did. If you’re pissed about it, complain to fucking stars.” I shove into Barret’s shoulder as I push past him.
I snatch a full bottle whiskey off the shelf, fall into bed without changing out of my blood soaked clothes, and drink.
I drink until I stop feeling her blood on my hands.
You swear?
I drink until I stop seeing the bones split through her skin.
Don’t leave me.
I drink until I stop hearing her voice in my head.
I don’t want to die alone.
Eight hundred and seventy nine days. Seven worlds.
I’ve lost her again.