Chapter Text
Togami steepled his fingers and smirked. All of his guests had finally arrived.
“Is it really alright for us to be skipping out on chores like this?” Koizumi took her seat at the table next to Hinata.
“It’s not like we were going to find anything at the beach, anyway.” He produced some lumpy, gray seashells from his pocket and dumped them on the table. “That’s all I found after looking all day yesterday.”
Koizumi picked up one of them and scrutinized it with a sour expression. “How could you think that these were acceptable? Do you have to be such a boy all the time? Geez.”
Togami cleared his throat. “I’m sure that you’re all wondering why I’ve assembled you here today.” He looked around at each of his guests. Akane Owari sat on his right, as aloof and distracted as ever. As far as he could tell, she was tracking a fly’s progress back and forth around the room. On his left was Hajime Hinata, who had no doubt already formed several theories about the purpose of their gathering. That kind of inquisitiveness would be valuable. On Hinata’s other side sat Mahiru Koizumi, who appeared to be incredibly uncomfortable to be there. The four of them sat in Togami’s lavishly decorated cottage, on the floor at a round coffee table that he had procured in the old hotel building.
“I wasn’t really wonderin’,” Owari had her finger buried in her ear. “But I am hungry. I smell somethin’ good cookin’ around here, somewhere.” Her nose was pointed to the ceiling like a bloodhound.
“Hmph. All will be explained.” Togami made it a point to meet the eyes of each of his classmates individually. All of them immediately looked away.
Koizumi dropped her camera on the table. “Yeah, how long will this take? I promised Saionji that I would use one of my trip tickets to take her to the movies.”
“It’s not like there’s ever more than one movie,” Hinata said.
The room was silent for an uncomfortable collection of moments. “Enough small talk,” Togami said. “I have gathered each of you here because I wish to entrust you with a matter most crucial.” He paused for effect. “You are all to be my confidantes. My cabinet, if you will.”
Owari looked around the room. “It looks like you’ve got plenty of cabinets in here already, man.” He did.
“I’m not interested in being anyone’s confidante . Especially not yours .” Koizumi punctuated her statement by jabbing a finger at Togami.
Hinata, at least, appeared sympathetic. “Why do you need a cabinet, Togami? Are you planning something?” These were exactly the kinds of questions that Togami counted on him to ask.
He closed his eyes, taking a breather to drink in the moment. “As things stand, we have no chain of command on this island. The tenuous peace that we enjoy at the moment is only thanks to our minds being occupied by work. What do you think will happen when the work runs out?”
“We take naps?” Owari suggested.
“Anarchy!” Togami slammed his fist on the table. “If everyone is free to do as they please, it’s only a matter of time until someone gets hurt. I need all of you to help me establish order.”
“But why us?” Hinata asked.
“Each of you has skills that I require.” He turned first to Koizumi. “You are to be the voice of reason among the female population of the island, a group that I have never claimed to understand.” Next, he looked to Hinata. “I need you to bounce ideas off of. You ask good questions, and know when it’s time to shut your mouth.”
“That’s it?” he asked.
“Now is one of those times,” Togami said. “Finally, Owari. You must provide the muscle to back up our council. In the worst case scenario, I’ll be relying on you to keep everyone in line.” He omitted the fact that the only reason he didn’t ask Nidai was because his incontinence made him unreliable.
“I refuse,” Koizumi said.
Owari raised her hand. “Me too. Sounds boring.”
The door flew open. Hanamura blew through as a blur of white and brown, holding a gleaming silver platter in his hands. From his chef’s jacket he produced table settings, which appeared in front of those seated almost instantly. He thumped the platter onto the table and removed the lid. Amidst a cloud of steam, Togami spotted a gargantuan pile of steaks in the middle of the plate.
“Of course, I would never ask this of you for free.” Everyone present had their eyes fixed on the food in the middle of the table. Owari’s hands were creeping closer and closer, her nose twitching up and down. Even Hinata and Koizumi were having trouble suppressing their obvious interest. “Hanamura has graciously agreed to cater each of our meetings.” An impressive amount of bribery had been required to finagle this deal, and Togami now had to figure out a way to get Hanamura an hour alone in a room with Sonia. It would be worth it, though, because he had to admit that the smell of the food alone was enough to drive him mad. He expected no less from the Ultimate Cook.
“Today I have prepared for you my Once-in-a-Lifetime, Never Forget It For As Long As You Live, Savory Sweet Filet Mignon Steaks.” Hanamura had one foot propped up on the table with a hand under his chin. He was looking around at everyone, evidently thriving off of their desire. “Bon appétit.”
Their hands surged forward all at once. “Wait!” Togami snapped. They paused, though it was obvious that the dam was about to burst. They wouldn’t be able to hold themselves back much longer, whether they wanted to or not. “This delicious meal is only available to those who agree to join my council.”
“I’m in,” the three of them said simultaneously.
And so it began. There were hands everywhere, grabbing, snatching, clawing. No one spoke as they shoved as much of the meat as they could into their mouths. It cut like butter, and melted on their tongues like it, too. Hanamura had apparently been driven to tears by their obvious bliss. Togami was pleased, to say the least. If he couldn’t have a council of geniuses enticed by justice, then one enticed by food would do just as well.
He was walking on air the next day. The joy of having successfully assembled his council allowed him to completely forget the strain of Usami’s most recent task. He had even managed to snatch away a few bonus steaks and stash them in his personal mini-fridge, ready for later. To top it all off, that day was a free day. He could spend it however he chose, with no worries about being sent off to scour the jungle for Jabbafruit. Yes, there was absolutely nothing that could ruin the day for him.
The e-Handbook in the pocket of his dinner jacket vibrated. Pulling it out, he was pleased to discover that his pet had hatched from its egg, and was now crawling around its enclosure with enraptured bliss. A single blob of manure had begun to peek above the rim of the toilet, provoking a tap from Togami that dispatched it with ease. A rumor had been floating around lately that if one managed to raise their pet up into an Usami, she would appear and bequeath its owner with an impressive amount of Monocoins. Whether or not this was true was up for debate, but the thought of how many snacks he could buy from the convenience store with said Monocoins spurred him into action.
It was, like every one before it, a gorgeous day outside. The sun was shining, the faint smell of the sea was being carried by the breeze, and birds were chirping off in the distance. He was truly glad that he had decided to become someone who appreciated the simple things in life. Just as he was thinking this, someone who certainly did not appreciate the simple things appeared. “Good morning, Saionji.” The girl had been about to walk straight past him back to her cottage without so much as a glance.
“Fuck off, turd.”
Togami continued up to Hotel Mirai. That was that, then. He strolled into the restaurant to find Hanamura on a table addressing the room. It appeared that most of the group was present, sitting in their usual scattered clumps of two or three. “If you’ll each look on your e-Handbooks, you’ll find a survey by me at the bottom of the menu.” He twisted his body back and forth so that he could address everyone present at once.
Nidai was stabbing at his e-Handbook with his forefinger like a dad on his first touch screen phone. “These buttons are way too damn small!” It was beginning to look like his finger might penetrate the glass if someone didn’t step in.
“Let Ibuki give you a hand, ya big lug!” Mioda leaned over his shoulder, using her much more slender finger to navigate the screens.
Since Hinata, Togami’s usual breakfast mate, was absent, he sat by himself. Still, in the interest of getting the full experience out of whatever bizarre event was sure to take place, he sat closer to the rest of the students than usual. There were only a few seats on either side between him and the closest other person. Opening up his e-Handbook, there was indeed a new option at the bottom of the menu: “Daily Survey”. Clicking on it, he was presented with a list of options.
Hanamura was buzzing around the room, making sure that everyone was successfully navigating to the screen. “Usami and I have been developing this for awhile!” he said, breezing past Kuzuryuu, who was very clearly struggling to even turn the handbook on. “Do you need help?” He peeked over Sonia’s shoulder.
Souda, sitting next to her, scooted closer. “She’s fine!” he snapped at Hanamura. “See, what you’ve gotta do is…” He trailed off mid-explanation, as it appeared that the object of his adoration was facing the opposite direction.
“Click here and here,” Nanami explained, pointing to different spots on the screen.
Sonia beamed as she arrived at the survey. “Many thanks!”
Komaeda raised his hand, projecting a soft smile. “Could I have some help?” He pointed at his screen. “I can’t seem to find it.”
He had been on the store screen the whole time. “Komaeda! How do you have so many Monocoins?” Teruteru asked, looking over his fluffy hair.
“Just lucky, I guess.”
Togami disregarded the commoners’ squabbles and turned his attention back to his own handbook. The screen read, in blocky letters, “What should Teruteru Hanamura cook for dinner tonight?” with a pixelated image of Hanamura holding a spatula jumping up and down next to it. Beneath were three options: Crab-Stuffed Lobster Tail with Garlic Bread, Chicken Curry with Jasmine Rice, and Sweet and Sticky Surprise. He picked the lobster tail immediately. Things like lobster were what Byakuya Togami probably ate all the time when he wasn’t on the island, after all. He turned his handbook off and pushed it to the side. All of this thinking about food had begun to rile his stomach up.
Hanamura appeared before he could mobilize toward the kitchen. “So, which one did you pick?” There were sparks in his eyes as he looked back and forth between the handbook on the table and its owner. Something switched inside him. “You seem like a sweet and sticky kind of guy, yeah?” he asked, leaning toward Togami across the table. He found himself unable to meet his eyes.
“I picked the lobster tail. I don’t see what the point of a survey is if you have unlimited ingredients, anyw—”
“Eek!”
Togami’s head snapped around, looking for the source of the scream. Had it finally happened, at a moment when he wasn’t prepared? Had one of his classmates finally lost it? Students at neighboring tables leapt to their feet in a hurry, craning their necks over rows of chairs to see what was going on.
Tsumiki had tripped again.
This time she had apparently collided with a chair, which she was now straddling on the ground with her posterior on display for everyone in the restaurant. Her skirt had been flipped up completely, sticky gravy from whatever she had been eating for breakfast covering her legs and chest, and the only protection from an awkward silence was her wailing. It was nothing the gang hadn’t seen before.
Kuzuryuu was the first to speak up. “Shut the fuck up! It’s too damn early for this shit.” He was clenching his apple so hard that it looked like it was about to burst.
While he had some qualms with his phrasing, Togami was tempted to agree. He jammed his e-Handbook back down into his pocket and strode off toward the kitchen, leaving the others to clean up Tsumiki’s mess.
The world came back into focus as Togami wrapped up his breakfast. Everything occupying the space around him had become irrelevant as soon as the food touched his plate. Finally, the sauce coating his fingertips and animal bones littering the table in front of him registered in his mind. He had let it happen again: The Breakfast State. He hurriedly dabbed at the new stains on his sleeve with a napkin and discarded it on the floor where no one would find it. As he rose from the table he felt something odd in his pocket, and investigation yielded buffalo sauce on his hand. He had put a chicken wing in his pocket.
He couldn’t allow himself to continue to lose control like this whenever breakfast was involved. Shaking his head back and forth to clear any further thoughts of food, he began to walk out of the restaurant. If he couldn’t devise a way to control his animalistic meal habits, his classmates would surely begin to take notice. That could be the chink in his armor to incite a rebellion.
Of course everyone in the restaurant had noticed his frenzied eating, they just appeared not to care. The room had largely cleared out by the time he was coming down from his high, and the only ones remaining, Saionji, Koizumi, and Souda, were all seated at one table. “You mean that the pig-bitch fell again and I missed it ?” Saionji asked.
“If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all,” Souda assured her. Sonia had managed to sneak out of the restaurant when he wasn’t looking, leaving him alone to ponder where he should begin to search.
“Yeah,” Saionji gestured to Koizumi’s camera. “But we still haven’t gotten it on film !”
Togami only dimly registered their conversation. His mind was ablaze as he speed-walked back to his cottage. Perhaps he could sequester himself away into his room for all of his meals? It would certainly mask the act itself if it were successful, however, it raised the question of whether or not he would be able to restrain himself between the main building and his cottage. Retrieving second helpings would also become a much larger ordeal. Plus, if suspicions hadn’t been raised before, they certainly would be then.
As he neared his cottage, his thoughts were interrupted by another buzz in his pocket. It should have been too early for his pet to evolve again, but he disregarded that; he was eager to go ahead and collect his Monocoins. It was with trembling fingers that he navigated back to the pet screen. How would he spend his reward when he went to Rocketpunch Market later? Should he ration out his Monocoins like always and just buy a bag of chips to start with, or should he splurge just for once and go for a Cod Roe Baguette? With the founding of his council, it was a special occasion, after all.
What greeted him upon opening his pet screen was the exact opposite of what he had been hoping to see. In place of the bedazzled rabbit that he had expected, a horrific abomination danced merrily across the surface of his handbook. As if to rub salt in the wound, the name of the creature was displayed on the wall of the fake house: “Shitimi”.
Togami shouted Usami’s name without a moment’s hesitation. What kind of glitch was this? How dare this literal stinking pile of shit mock him, running around its room like some kind of heathen? It seemed completely unbothered by the mounds of feces covering every inch of its body, only serving to deepen Togami’s anger.
“What is it, Togami?” Usami had appeared completely out of nowhere like usual.
It had long since ceased to bother him. “I demand an explanation!” He shoved his e-Handbook into her face, jabbing a meaty finger at the sinful display currently unfolding.
Usami took a second before she registered what she was seeing. Her face fell. “You haven’t taken very good care of your pet, huh…” She looked down at the ground. Togami pursed his lips. “You must really hate it, huh…” It became evident that she was waiting for him to jump in and deny it.
“You don’t understand at all.” Togami put his handbook back into his pocket and crossed his arms. “I fed this charlatan every last bag of scented potpourri in my possession until all of its hearts were filled. Yet now I am confronted with this hideous monstrosity.”
“Well that shouldn’t have happened!” Usami’s face was scrunched up, as if she was thinking really hard.
It became obvious that she would be no help. There would certainly be words exchanged with Hinata later regarding the validity of certain claims he had made about the pet. “You will have to think of a way to make it up to me.” He continued walking toward his cottage.
She kept an even pace with him despite her drastically shorter legs. “You like potatoes, don’t you, Togami? I could give you some of those, if you like.”
“Potato chips !” he snapped. They arrived at his cottage. “Who would enjoy eating raw potatoes?”
When he tried to turn the doorknob, he found that it was stuck. Taken aback, he examined it closer. In his hurry to escape the annoying rabbit that he had ignorantly summoned, he hadn’t noticed the massive dent in the metal of the handle. Directly on top of where the knob stuck out was an impression about the size of an orange. “And now what’s this?” He stepped aside, presenting the damage to Usami. “I can’t move the handle.”
She waddled closer, putting her entire face up close to it. “Did you get really mad and punch your door one day, Togami?” She thought for a moment. “Did Nidai punch your door one day?”
“No. Hurry up and get it open.” He could ponder over how his door came to be this way as soon as he was inside with no one to bother him.
“As you wish!” Usami twirled around what she referred to as her “Magic Stick”, a ribbon-covered stick that likely came from a cereal box. Pointing it at the door, it’s ruby-red tip began to glow. “Bibidi Bobidi! Bibidi Bobidi!” Togami rolled his eyes. “Bibidibibidi! Bobidibobidi!” He checked his watch. “Bu! Open this door!” The glowing faded and the door opened with an audible click . All things considered, the showmanship could have been a lot worse.
Upon stepping inside, his ears immediately began to ring. As if a thousand people were dragging their hands down invisible chalk boards while wailing, the sound penetrated his eardrums and reverberated around his skull. His eyes flicked from one corner of the room to the next, back and forth, up and down, trying to make any sense of the situation. To make matters worse, darkness had begun to encroach on the edges of his vision. All at once he felt incredibly lightheaded, stumbling backwards and eventually falling on his bottom in the doorway. How could this be?
“Togami! Togami!”
He hadn’t realized that he was screaming. Pulling himself together, he closed his mouth and got back to his feet. The shock of it all left him feeling woozy and weak. It took all of his strength just to go a few more paces into the room to see things more clearly. The door to his mini fridge was wide open with a pool of blood at the opening. Togami had understood exactly what transpired the moment he stepped into the room. He didn’t need to look into the fridge to confirm what had happened, though he did anyway. As he thought, the Once-In-A-Lifetime, Never Forget It For As Long As You Live, Savory Sweet Filet Mignon Steaks were gone. When he spoke, his voice was completely unfamiliar. It was animalistic and gnarled.
“Who did this?”