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''You've got to be kidding me.'' Says Iruka, pinching his nose.
Asuma is still chuckling between his bites of chicken skewer. The noise of sizzling meat and vegetables at the Izakaya was almost drowning out his voice. ''I could hear my father admonishing the poor boy from a building away.''
''And why exactly did they infiltrate the ultra-secret files?''
''Ah, didn't hear about why. You should ask Naruto; he can't lie to you. Try to be calm, Iruka. The Hokage already busted his ears.''
Iruka sighs and agrees, visualising in his head breathing techniques to stay calm and phrases he could say to be gentle but firm with Naruto. He finishes his Yaki udon and beer with Asuma after speaking about some B-class missions, and they separate for the evening. Iruka uses his senses to pinpoint Naruto in the village. He can recognise it among thousands. He turns a corner to see the bright orange jumpsuit two buildings farther. Naruto is peering around the corner at something, utterly concentrated.
''Naruto.'' Begins Iruka, arms crossed.
Naruto jumps and hides behind the wall, like he was spying on someone. ''Hey, Iruka-sensei. I'm on a mission.''
''Oh, are you? I'm surprised the Hokage gave you one after the stunt you pulled.''
Naruto pouts and shoves his hands in his pockets. ''Well! We are trying to do a truly S-Class mission, and the Hokage can't understand.''
''And it is...?''
''We want to see Kakashi-sensei's face! Have you ever seen it?!''
''Kakashi-?!'' Iruka massages his temples, feeling his temper flaring, but immediately imagines a beach and butterflies to stay zen. ''You really broke into the... Oh, kami, for that?!''
''Yes! It's the S-ssiest Mission of all!''
''This is ridiculous, Naruto!''
''Come on, Iruka-sensei! You've got to be a little curious as well?!'' Naruto peeks again around the corner. ''Shoot! He's not there anymore!''
''Are Sakura and Sasuke on it too??''
''Yeah! Teamwork makes the dream work!''
Iruka sighs. Well, he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. If it does make them cooperate better with such an absurd goal, then he will let it slide.
''Naruto. We have to rethink our plan. Sasuke didn't manage to make him sneeze and blow his nose with the pollen.''
Iruka's world stops for a glorious moment, the blood rushes out his face, and his heart beats harder. Beside him just appeared the man who spoke, a man with brown hair, purple make up, steel grey eyes and the most striking facial features he had ever saw. His brain has completely stopped as he stares at the man. The man practically has a halo around his face.
''Ah, you are Iruka-sensei, I presume?'' Asks the man in a gentle tone.
Iruka cannot answer yet, too flabbergasted by the man's beauty. He has a type, and this man is the exact type. He will dream of this man; he will fantasise about this man. He briefly imagines a life with this man; a house, many dogs, orphans they adopt (perhaps Naruto), a wedding, gr-
''Iruka-sensei?'' Asks Naruto, perplexed by his silence.
''YES! I mean-! Yes, I'm Iruka-sensei. And you are? I don't remember seeing you around.'' Responds Iruka, blinking his dry eyes from staring too long.
''I'm Sukea, journalist.''
''Journalist?'' That man should be a model for magazines or an actor at the very least.
''Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but we want to photograph the mysterious Kakashi-sama's face.'' Says Sukea with an embarrassed expression. He leans toward Iruka, hiding the side of his face with his hand to whisper a secret. ''His fans would pay big money to see it, and I have many ramens to pay for this young man helping me.''
Iruka blinks, feeling himself flush from Sukea's proximity. ''Y-yes... Of course.''
Sukea winks at him before departing with Naruto. Oh gods, he winked at him.
Iruka is glued in place, mind still reeling from the interaction. Every poem and sappy song about love at first sight makes sense now. He feels butterflies doing somersaults in his stomach. He needs to see that man again, or he'll regret it all his life. But... For what? To stare at him and amorously sigh like Hinata with Naruto? To awkwardly flirt with him and get rejected? A one-night stand? Perhaps a relationship? Too fast!
He knows practically nothing of Sukea. Nothing. What if he's a raging asshole? What if he lives in a remote civilian village?
Iruka shakes his head and reels his adolescent crush back. How superficial of him to fall in love with appearance only. He needs to temper his expectations, but he will meet him once more just to quench his budding desire.
Iruka walks with his bags of homework to grade under his arm and a matcha in his other hand, head full of cotton from a day of yelling at ill-disciplined students. He senses a very distinctive chakra on his right and sees Naruto with Sasuke and Sakura... And Sukea. His heart skips a beat, and he regains energy seeing them. He waves at Naruto, and the boy eagerly waves back with a beaming smile.
''So, what is your plan today?'' Asks Iruka, amused seeing such a determined expression on their little faces.
''We will give him dangos! And Sukea will take a photo with his camera! We can't miss this time!'' Proudly announces Naruto. Sakura and Sasuke are nodding in unison beside him. How wonderful to see them in sync.
''If, by some unlucky event, it doesn't work, I'll help you.'' Says Iruka. He is aware he just gave the least subtle eye-glance in the history of shinobi to Sukea, but he loses all his talents around the journalist.
''Really!? Oh, you're the best Iruka-sensei!''
The trio happily skip to their goal, and Sukea has an amused smirk on his lips as he passes Iruka. The journalist stares at Iruka, then winks once more. Umino feels his face heating. Oh boy.
Naruto looks like a wet cat left in the rain in front of his door.
''It didn't work?'' Asks Iruka gently.
''No... Kiba and Akamaru were there and...'' Whines Naruto.
''Hey, Kakashi is not gone. He doesn't have a mission out of the village soon, so there is still time. Let me dress properly, and I'll help you.''
Iruka quickly dresses, arranging his ponytail and wondering if he should put on cologne to woo Sukea. He pep-talks himself in front of the mirror and promises himself not to be a stuttering mess in front of his conquest.
They both meet Sasuke, Sakura and Sukea near the ramen shop.
''So, he will help us?'' Asks Sukea, pleased to see Umino. ''I knew Kakashi's face would be a scoop! Even the academy teachers are on it!''
Sakura claps her hands together in delight. ''Thank you, Iruka sensei! It's a very simple plan, really. We invited him to ramen since we knew you were there. It's going to be even less suspicious, and Sukea will try once more with the photos.''
''I'll bribe Teuchi if it's necessary.'' Deadpans Sasuke.
Already manipulating people. Sasuke is going to be a force to be reckoned with in the ninja world. ''Well, let's sit.'' Says Iruka.
They all sit at the ramen shop and calmly discuss with Teuchi and Ayame. Kakashi is, on par with his reputation, late. ''Yo!''
''Kakashi-sensei!!'' Shouts Naruto. ''You're late! We didn't wait for you!''
''Oh, hello, Iruka-sensei.'' Greets Kakashi sitting beside him. ''Came to spy on my teaching methods?''
''Maybe.'' Teases Iruka, drinking his broth.
Iruka turns his head back to Sukea, who is happily slurping noodles, and he can barely hear Sasuke's and Naruto's bickering as he is hypnotised. Focus, Iruka, focus!
Kakashi has ordered his meal... But there's something that doesn't sit right with Iruka. He senses something unusual with Kakashi, a dire lack of chakra... But the copy-nin didn't get any missions recently.
''Kakashi-sensei.'' Begins Iruka, narrowing his eyes. ''Where are you?''
Kakashi's eye widen. ''What do you mean?''
''This is a clone. A half-baked clone for your standards. Are you still so late you had to send one of your clones, or are we not worth the trouble??'' Iruka sees and senses genins’ clones all day long. He recognises low chakra clones easily, even from ex-ANBU.
Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke are popeyed staring at them. Even Sukea looks surprised.
Kakashi disappears in a puff of smoke.
''HE TRICKED US!'' Shouts Naruto, his bowl of ramen flying in the air from his outburst. ''IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING UNDER HIS MASK!!''
''Hai, hai, Iruka-sensei. Thank you for saving us time.'' Says Sukea with a gorgeous smile.
Iruka feels a dumb smile stretching on his lips. ''A-ah... You're welcome.'' He's sure his pupils must have turned into hearts at this point.
''We need a new plan!'' Announces Naruto.
The three genins sit beside each other and make a caucus to plan their next move to see Kakashi's face. Sukea and Iruka are left together.
''Do you know Kakashi well?'' Asks Sukea with a devilish smirk.
''Y-yes. We're good friends. Forgive him for tonight; something must take up his time. He's... a complex character, but he has a heart of gold. Don't slander him in your article, please, even though he's always late. All the surnames and reputation... It's... Well, he doesn't deserve it. Did you know he had eight dogs? He all loves them dearly, it's endearing. Sometimes I wonder how his clothes are still black from all the hairs.''
Sukea's expression softens, his smile turning genuine. ''You are kind, Iruka-sensei.''
Iruka turns to mush. If Sukea asked him to brush honey all over his body and go into a bear cavern, he would. If he asked him to follow him to the Land of Moon, he also would. He would miss Naruto terribly, however. ''You are from Konoha?''
''Yes. I was ANBU, but I stopped working.''
''ANBU!? Pardon my surprise! And you didn't manage to infiltrate the secret files office?''
''I'm rusty.'' Chuckles Sukea. ''I travel around the Land of Fire for the most delicious scoops.''
''I see. So you won't stay here...'' Says Iruka, trying his best to hide his disappointment.
''Maybe not. But I am having fun.''
''Okay! We have a plan! But since we don't know where Kakashi is currently! It will be tomorrow!'' Announces Naruto. ''Thank you for the ramen, Iruka-sensei!''
The three genins run away with excitement, and Sukea follows them, not before winking at Iruka again.
Iruka is ready to join Naruto for the next plan. He drank his coffee and had already graded all the assignments. He can grant his full attention to the cunning genin trio.
''Iruka-sensei!''
Iruka snaps his neck on the side so fast, he fears he may have dislocated a vertebra. ''S-Sukea-san!''
''Do you want to take a coffee with me? Naruto and his friends are not ready yet. Kakashi gave them a surprise training. It will pass the time.'' Asks the journalist.
Iruka's heart jumps in his chest. The birds are singing and a holy choir rises in his ears. ''Y-yes, of course!''
They enter a little hole-in-the-wall coffee, with three tables and an old grandma kneading dough for the pastries while her granddaughter is preparing their tea. They discuss everything and nothing. Sukea is enigmatic, but very charming. He responds to every love-struck smile Iruka is giving him with either a wink or a tease.
And the teacher feels his shyness dissipate slowly. There's something warm that makes him at ease with Sukea, like he already knows him. There's a high resemblance to Kakashi. The same teasing, the same energy. But both are unattainable. Sukea will leave Konoha, and Kakashi will continue to think he's unworthy and dodge him.
Iruka internally sighs. He remembered when he was a bright-eyed chunin, so recently friend with Kakashi, trying to pay for drinks and cook him meals so the older man would feel cared for. The jonin... didn't respond to his affection, still pushing him away as Anbu work was alienating him. So he stopped. But once in a while, he can't stop wondering if he should pursue Kakashi again.
Why is he thinking about Kakshi? There's the gorgeous Sukea in front of him. But Sukea will go away...
''IRUKA-SENSEI! SUKEA!'' Shouts Naruto at the entrance of the café.
Umino jumps out of his skin, red to the tip of his ears like he was caught peeking in the men's onsen. ''N-Naruto?''
''You're late! We missed Kakashi!'' Shouts Sakura, fists on her hips.
Oh? Iruka grimaces; he definitely didn't see the time pass. ''I'm sorry, Naruto... I was distracted.''
Sakura's face relaxes, then turns into a shy little smile, her eyes darting from Sukea to Iruka. Oh, she caught on. ''Naruto... Let's think about something else.'' She begins, chuckling lowly.
''No! No! This time-''
Sakura pulls on the orange jumpsuit's collar and waves them goodbye while Naruto shouts, and Sasuke follows, still looking bored out of his mind.
''I should follow them.'' Says Sukea. ''It's my fault really. Let me pay you the coffee.''
''No, no. It's my fault too.'' Responds Iruka. He pays for both, and Sukea promises to pay for next time.
The next time. Oh, by the gods.
''Yo! Iruka-sensei!''
Iruka stretches at his office report's desk before taking a sip of his tepid green tea. ''Hello, Kakashi-sensei. Is your report readable this time?''
''Having fun with my students?'' Asks Kakashi, putting a report stained with sauce on the desk.
''Always a pleasure to be with Naruto. He and his team have bonded in the most peculiar of ways.''
''Care to tell me about it?'' Teases Kakashi.
Iruka makes a devilish smile. ''No, it's a secret.''
''And what about the journalist with them? Not a spy from the Mist?''
''I don't think so. Or he hides his game especially well. Have you met him?''
''We said hello.''
''He makes me think of you. In a good way.''
''Because there is a bad way?''
Iruka lifts the stained report with an arched brow, and Kakashi scratches the side of his head in embarrassment. ''No one is perfect. And you would know it's an impostor if I did it correctly.''
Iruka rolls his eyes with a sigh. ''Of course, of course.''
''Do continue about Sukea.''
''I... I mean... He's...'' Iruka stumbles with words, happy no one else is currently in line behind the copy-nin. A miracle.
''Are you interested? In him?'' There was no judgment, just genuine curiosity.
''I could fall in love, yes. As I said, he made me think of you a lot.''
Iruka prefers not to think about Kakashi's rejection from some time ago, but Sukea and Kakashi helping Naruto is reviving an old flame.
Kakashi seems to blush under his mask, then rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. ''I see.'' Someone enters the office to drop a report, making a polite bow to the copy-nin. ''I'll get going. See you around, Iruka-sensei.''
''I've managed to rope Shikamaru, Choji, Hinata, Shino, Ino and Kiba with us! We can't fail!'' Announces Naruto proudly.
Iruka is standing next to Sukea, and Sakura is definitely wiggling her eyebrows at him. Iruka needs to retake the classes he teaches; he's an embarrassment for a shinobi. Zero for subtlety.
''You will tell us if it's a clone again, right?'' Asks Sasuke.
Umino nods, determined. They all take their position in the village, waiting for Plan A to work.
It didn't. Plan B it is.
Iruka is waiting with Sukea and Choji, trepidation coursing in his veins. He feels like a child again, when he was pranking the Third Hokage and the ANBUs. They are all impatient to catch the Copy-nin, all working together. The streets are relatively empty in the middle of the day, so Kakashi won't be too embarrassed by his face reveal.
''Iruka-sensei.'' Whispers Sukea beside him. ''Come with me.''
''What is it?'' Asks Iruka. ''We can't vacate our posts; they are almost here.''
''I need to show you something.''
''It will wait.'' He can't disappoint Naruto again.
Iruka can see a drop of sweat on Sukea's temple. ''Actually, I think we have a better view from the roof.''
The teacher hesitates to follow Sukea, but glances at Choji.''Can you handle it? I'll be upstairs.''
''Yes! Don't worry, Iruka-sensei!'' Responds Choji.
Iruka sighs and turns to Sukea. ''I'm following you. Let's make it quick.''
They climb the walls to the roof with chakra under their soles, and once on the roof, Sukea grabs his collar to-
Kiss him.
Iruka is pretty sure he fainted right there from a vertiginous spike of hormones. He is breathless as Sukua is chasing his lips like a starved man. He responds eagerly, taking the opportunity served on a silver platter. His lips are soft, and he tastes like miso soup. He gasps when Sukea lifts him in his arms and leaps from the roof.
''W-where are we going?'' Asks Iruka, voice muffled by more kisses. Sorry, Naruto, he can't assist today.
''Your home.'' Responds Sukea with a ravishing smile.
Iruka's eyes widen. How can he be even more handsome? This should be illegal.
Sukea lands in front of the teacher's home, and Iruka undoes the seals guarding his apartment quickly. They enter, they kiss some more, and crash on the couch to kiss more comfortably. Unfortunately, Iruka has to break the embrace. They need to talk.
''S-Sukea.'' Begins Iruka, the journalist kissing him at each syllable. ''I need to- I need to know when you will go.''
''Soon.'' Responds the journalist, kissing his neck.
''I'm sorry... We should stop...''
Sukea lifts his head to stare at him with his grey eyes. ''Why?''
''I-um... I really enjoy kissing you and knowing you, but going... farther will break my heart and... and...''
Iruka's eyes land on Sukea's clothing. His heavy green coat is open to reveal a black tight shirt, clinging on his muscles. And there is dog hair. A lot of dog hair. He lifts his gaze back to Sukea, using his concentration to scan the journalist's dissimulated chakra. Sukea's eyes widen, then he flinches in realisation of what the teacher is doing.
Iruka recognises that chakra signature.
''OH BY THE GODS! KAKASHI!?'' Shouts Iruka, lifting off the couch.
Kakashi laughs and jumps back on Iruka to press himself against him, pinning him on the sofa. ''I knew you would figure that out!'' Says Kakashi with his usual voice.
''Kakashi! Holy crap!'' Iruka takes the copy-nin's face between his hands. ''It means you stay right!?''
Kakashi's eyes widen in surprise, not expecting this reaction. ''Y-yes, of course.''
Iruka's heart is utterly confused, happily confused, but he's glad it's Kakashi. ''Why did you do that? Oh, if Naruto knew!''
''Have you seen how much they are enjoying themselves!? They haven't worked together this well since the bell test!''
Iruka's happiness dissipates after a breath, and he begins to scowl, a ball of lead slowly sinking in his stomach. ''And what about me? What about... this?'' Now he is getting angsty, embarrassed.
Kakashi blushes and scratches behind his head. ''Um.. Well, I needed you out of the plan.''
''You...! That's it!? It was a distraction!?''
''Wait! Wait! Iruka! If I knew all I needed to have your attention was lowering my mask, I would have done it way sooner!''
Iruka's tension dissipates, but only slightly. ''What do you mean? My attention? You always had it. We're friends.''
''Y-yes! But, not, amorously?''
''And when I flirted with you...?''
Kakashi looks like he wants the floor to swallow him. ''That... was years ago. When I wasn't ready for anything. I'm better now. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke... They're helping me. Gai and Asuma are also helping a lot... And I, well. I was a bit shy to ask you out. Then, I appeared as Sukea and seeing you all flustered made me giddy. Then you made such gentle and sensible comments about Kakashi without knowing it was me. So I kept the charade a bit longer, because I liked it. I could flirt back with you, and you were responding. I didn't think...'' Kakashi pauses, looking at the floor with a sombre expression. ''Now that you know... Is it a deal-breaker? Is... Is Kakashi Hatake okay for you? Same pretty face, but um...''
Iruka releases the breath he was holding with a chuckle. ''Yes. Yes, Kakashi. It actually makes things much more easier. I know you. I know what to expect, well, most of the time.'' The teacher makes a hand sign to coax Kakashi nearer. ''Come here.''
Kakashi comes to cuddle against him, and Iruka watches as his friend removes the brown wig and the make-up. Kakashi revealing himself under his mesmerised eyes is a sight to behold.
They kiss again, without restraints. Iruka shivers when lips trail on the tender flesh of his throat, hands possessively around his waist.
''You still owe me a coffee, Kakashi.'' Teases Iruka, smiling softly.