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“Donna, I need your help.”
On any given day, these words would be a cause for concern when voiced by Louis Litt, but when Donna turned around to see the man in the door of her office, wearing a wig that she had all but made him swear to destroy, every alarm bell rang through her brain.
“Louis,” she gathered all the patience she had and folded her hands together, bringing them to her pursed lips, “We talked about this. That wig needs to be burned-”
“No, Donna, you don’t understand, I need it, because-”
“Because you’re impersonating Harvey again?” She’d thought he had learned his lesson about that last week, but apparently…
“No! Well, okay, yes, but it’s not-”
“Louis.”
“No, Donna, listen,” he rushed forward, sitting in the chair opposite her desk and leaned forward, too close for comfort as she tried not to cringe at the gelled blond monstrosity he wore, “I spoke to the client and he was referred to Harvey for a merger contract with his company and-”
“Harvey hates mergers.”
“Exactly!” Louis exclaimed, “And I checked with Gretchen and there is no way he could fit the meeting in with his schedule this week anyway. So I thought I could go, hear the pitch, then send them to Alex, because he deals with mergers all the time and we can-”
“Louis,” Donna groaned, rubbing her temple, “This is a bad idea. You can just meet with them as yourself and tell them the truth. That Harvey is busy but we still value their-”
“Donna, please,” he straightened, an affronted expression on his face, “That’s rude. And completely unnecessary. They’ll think they’re meeting with Harvey. I’ll be respectful and we’ll gain their business. Now tell me, how is that a bad idea?”
“Because it is,” With a slow exhale, Donna narrowed her eyes “I’m going to regret asking this, but why exactly would you need my help if you already have this planned out?”
Louis made another face at her, like the answer to her question was obvious.
“Because everyone knows Harvey has great hair and is dating Donna Paulsen. If I want to sell this, then I need you to come with me to the dinner and we can-”
“Louis!” Donna pressed her lips together to keep from laughing, “I…am not going to do that.”
“Why not?” he demanded, his voice slipping into a whine.
“First, because on so many levels, it’s wrong. Two, I’m not sure Harvey would appreciate me pretending to go on a date with you. Him. Whatever,” she shook her head, “And third, I don’t think it’s common knowledge that we’re together, so it’s a moot point anyway if-”
“What, of course it’s common knowledge!” he interrupted her, “You two are like the Brangelina of the legal world.”
Donna blinked,“You know they split up, right?”
Louis frowned, his lips parting. When nothing came out, he shrugged, “Whatever. You know what I mean.”
“I know that I’m not going to go to dinner with you and pretend that you are Harvey,” she reiterated and he groaned, “But Donna-”
“No,” she said a little more firmly and smiled to soften the blow, “Look Louis, I’ll take a lunch meeting with you and this client to help assure them that our firm can handle their needs, but only if you promise me that you’ll meet with them as yourself. Louis Litt. Our managing partner. There’s no disrespect in that.”
He stared at her, and she could tell he was weighing her words and she noted the moment her case was made in his head.
“Fine,” he consented and she breathed a sigh of relief.
“Good.”
“But can I still wear the-”
“Absolutely not.”
He shoved out of the chair, face scrunched as he marched toward the door, “Fine but when Harvonna split up, it’ll be because you never let a man have any fun, Donna!”
Donna shook her head, equally baffled and amused as he disappeared from sight. Louis’s antics were practically second nature by now, but the man certainly knew how to keep her on her toes, she’d give him that.
She made a mental note to tell Harvey about the exchange that evening, just in case they needed to stage an actual intervention for Louis soon, and shifted her mind back to work.
The rest of the day went by without any other theatrics and and a quarter past seven, Donna made her way down the hall to Harvey’s office.
He was typing away at his laptop, completely focused on whatever task he was dealing with and she leaned against his opened doorway, observing him in silence. His suit for the day was dark gray, perfectly tailored against his broad shoulders and Donna would swear that no one had ever looked better in Tom Ford.
As if sensing her presence, Harvey’s eyes flickered up, meeting hers, and an easy smile broke out across his lips.
Donna returned it, that familiar fluttering in her stomach rising in a way that had yet to ease in the weeks since she and Harvey had gotten together. No matter how many nights she spent in his arms, or how many mornings she woke in his bed, meals they shared, conversations they had, car rides they took to work together…it still caught her off guard in these small moments. That he was hers. She could stare at him as much as she wished and didn’t have to look away when he caught her objectifying him.
In fact, she could deepen her smile, saunter into the room, and plant herself right next to him, leaning back against his desk.
“Almost done,” His gaze fell back to the screen of his computer, but his left hand reached across her lap and came to rest on her thigh. The action wasn’t sexual, there was never a question when that was what he intended, but she’d also learned over the last few weeks how much Harvey craved physical touch; however intimate, however casual.
She indulged him, taking his hand in her own and let their clasped palms fall to her lap while running her thumb over his skin.
“Want to stop for dinner?” she asked him, “Or I can put in a to-go order.”
He made a few more clicks with his free hand, eyes scanning the files minimized on his screen after sending the email and nodded distractedly.
“Yeah.”
Donna bit back a smile, “That was a multiple choice question, Harvey.”
“Italian,” he answered back, clearly only half listening.
She chuckled to herself and straightened, slipping her phone from the bag that had been perched on her shoulder. Going with the tried and true, she pulled up the website for Carbone and selected favorite entrees for them both.
While selecting a payment method, she commented, “Oh, I’m going on a lunch date with Louis later this week.”
“What?” He looked over at her.
Oh sure, he heard that.
Donna smirked as she completed the order, then lowered her phone, “Lunch. With Louis. He’s wanting to woo some client into letting us handle their merger.”
He made a face at the mention of a merger and sank back into his chair, “Good for him. Why do you have to go?”
She squeezed his hand, which was still holding hers, “Because it’s Louis and he’s liable to do something crazy. I already had to talk him out of pretending to be you for the meeting.”
Amusement danced over his face, “Pretending to be me? Again?”
She nodded, “Wig and all. I swear I’m going to need therapy if he doesn’t get rid of that thing.”
Harvey laughed quietly, leaning forward to close his laptop, then tugged her to him. Donna went easily, taking a seat in his lap only because it was late enough that they weren’t likely to be interrupted and the bands of professionalism could relax a bit.
Plus, she’d barely gotten to see him all day and though she knew it was silly and ridiculous, she’d missed him. Another unexpected side effect of the change in their relationship. She found herself wanting to be with him every chance she got.
“I thought you liked my hair.”
She ran her nails through the coiffed strands at his temples, following it in a trail to the nape of his neck.
“I like it on you,” she said, tugging slightly and eliciting a deep noise from him, “Louis doesn’t wear it quite as well.”
Brown eyes looked up at her through blond lashes and the barely contained desire in them made her want to forget about their coworker entirely.
“You don’t have to go,” he pointed out, dragging those eyes down her face, to her mouth.
“I don’t,” she agreed, licking her lips where he stared, “But it’ll be easier for me to make sure he doesn’t go all ‘Louis’ on the client if I do.”
“Mhm,” Harvey grunted, his fingers running a touch up her spine, “Fine. But remind him he’s got his own girlfriend to accompany him to lunch now. He doesn’t have to steal mine.”
His grip on her tightened and though Donna knew he was joking, there was something possessive in the way his voice flared over the word.
Mine.
She shivered, but forced a smile onto her lips, “It’s a meeting, Harvey. Not an actual date.”
He gave her a deadpan look that made her giggle and she tapped his nose, pulling herself free from his arms, “But you and I have time for one tonight. I put in an order at Carbone. We can pick it up, go home, light some candles, pour some wine…make a night of it. What do you think?”
He stood, slow and purposeful and Donna lifted her chin as he stepped close, tugging her into him by her hips.
“I think we should consider having dessert first.”
She smirked and patted his chest, “That’s the spirit. Now, come on. Let’s get out of here.”
Harvey had always been a fairly confident man. He was aware that the majority of women, and even some men, found him attractive. He knew he was a good date. A generous lover.
And he was equally aware that what he could offer in spades physically, fell shorter when it came to expressing himself emotionally. He’d gotten better at it since showing up at Donna’s door, his last night as a single man. Donna was big on communication and he had always been a quick study.
But his confidence lacked when the things he felt and the words he had to express those feelings felt jumbled in his head. Like Donna dressing in that red dress the day she was meant to meet Louis for their lunch date. The way her strappy red heels made her legs look even sexier and the rouge lipstick she wore drew all of his attention to her mouth.
Before reaching the firm, he’d told her she looked beautiful and he’d meant it. But the annoyance twisting in his gut soured the compliment.
He trusted her, inexplicably. And he damn sure knew she wasn’t dressing up for Louis, of all people. Donna was a beautiful woman. Confident, like him. And like him, that drew attention to her that Harvey wasn’t always fond of.
But he didn’t want to be a dick, so it wasn’t as if he could tell her she was too beautiful and that if another man was taking her out for a meal, he’d prefer it if she didn’t wear a dress that hugged every one of her perfect curves.
He ran ten different scenarios through his head of that conversation and each ended with him feeling like an idiot. He wasn’t that guy; the one that told his woman what she should or shouldn’t wear because he struggled with jealousy, and Donna would see through it in a heartbeat.
Because the truth was, he wasn’t jealous. Not of Louis, and not of whatever new client would have the pleasure of sitting across from the stunning woman that Harvey was lucky enough to be in a relationship with.
But still, when Donna left with Louis at noon, arms linked together on their way to the elevators, Harvey felt that annoyance stir again. As if sensing it, or maybe just feeling his eyes on her, Donna had peered over before she and Louis had reached the elevator and through the glass divide, their gazes had locked.
She’d smiled, bright and happy, then blew him a kiss before disappearing from sight.
He had thrown himself into work until they’d returned and Donna had walked right to his office to brag about the way she’d helped Louis land the client.
He’d listened, happy to see her happy, and when she’d placed a bag of leftovers from whatever restaurant they’d returned from in front of him, Harvey felt that sour emotion dissipate.
“A snack for a Snack,” she’d winked, the corny line making him smile and he broke their unofficial protocol for the office by standing and capturing her face in his palms.
He kissed her, short and quick, savoring the seconds that they were connected until his body relaxed and he felt better.
“Thanks,” was all he said, and though Donna gave him a look that bordered somewhere between delight and suspicion, she didn’t question him.
Two days later, Harvey had nearly forgotten about the whole lunch ordeal and the way it had made him feel. At least until he walked into Donna’s office that evening and saw the robust bouquet of pastel colored flowers in a vase on her desk. Pale pink roses, lilac peonies, white carinations, green foliage…it was stunning. And more importantly, not from him.
“Secret Admirer?” he teased, approaching the desk where she was scribbling something into her physical planner.
Donna glanced up, following his line of sight to the flowers and smiled, “Louis. His way of thanking me for helping him the other day.”
Harvey stared at the bouquet like it might bite him. He poked one of the flowers drooping over the edge, annoyed at how pretty the whole thing was.
Donna kept writing, ignoring his scrutiny.
She'd received flowers more times than he could count in the decade she had worked for him. Dates. Boyfriends. Relatives. Friends. He’d even bought her some himself on occasion.
He was not jealous. But he also had no name for the way his chest tightened at the sight of these damn flowers.
There was a card next to them, her name scribbled in Louis’s handwriting. Unable to help himself, Harvey picked it up and flipped it open.
The note inside was nice, he supposed. In that over the top, Louis way. The man had thanked her, expressed how awed he was by her ability to flawlessly charm the client and how he was lucky to have a friend like her. It was emotional, bordering on mushy, and absolutely nothing to feel threatened by.
Harvey could hear every word as if Louis was right there blubbering them himself, and he scoffed a little.
“The guy has no problem dumping his purse out, does he?” he muttered, and Donna snatched the card from his fingers.
“I thought it was sweet,” she defended, cradling the thing close to her chest.
“Sweet enough to cause a toothache,” he quipped, making a face.
Donna rolled her eyes, “Just because you have to line your throat with molasses to squeeze out a nice word doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone.”
Her tone was teasing and Harvey responded with a dismissive noise, but there was an edge to the words that lingered in his mind even after the moment ended. All the way to the car outside and to his apartment where Donna had been staying all week.
It settled in him, joining that sour pit in his stomach while they ate and showered, and when Donna flipped through the channels on the television and found a movie for them to watch, he realized what it was that had bothered him.
He and Donna were different.
She had chosen some Audrey Hepburn movie while he would have been satisfied with an episode of Survivor.
Her wine bottles next to his preferred scotch.
Donna was warm, vocal, open. And he…apparently needed lubricant to get any words of worth past his lips.
Sure, there were plenty of similarities he shared with her, points of common ground and interest. But fundamentally, they were different. She was an artist and he was a jock turned lawyer.
Louis understood that side of her. Louis mirrored that side of her. The theatrics. The flare. The ability to dance on his nerves and draw equal measures of frustration and affection. They shared something that Harvey couldn’t access, even with all the strides he’d taken to work on himself and his communication skills and fuck, maybe he was jealous.
Not of Louis. Not because he thought Donna would ever betray him. But because someone else understood a part of her heart that he wanted all to himself. Donna going to lunch with Louis, playing the role of his partner in crime, or partner-in-acquiring-the-client in this case, didn’t sit right with him because she was his partner. He was the one she bantered with, played off of, whose side she charmed and dazzled from.
Louis sending her flowers had felt like a taunt. Louis being able to express his emotions so openly, so unashamed and without hesitance…that bothered Harvey more than he cared to admit.
Because Donna had smiled. Donna had liked it.
And he, himself, was shitty at it.
“Do you want to watch something else?” she asked, noticing that his attention was nowhere near the movie she had put on.
Harvey shook his head, “No.”
He took the remote from her hands and turned the television off. Donna had barely voiced a complaint when he stole the words off her lips in a hungry kiss.
She didn’t complain after that.
He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, wasting no time in peeling off the clothes that separated their bodies.
And if he fucked her a little harder than usual, made himself last a little longer, and teased her body until she was crying out his name…well, maybe it was to prove that there was at least one thing he was still confident he could do for her that was better than anyone else.
Over the next two weeks, Harvey grappled with the result of his self-reflection, trying to catch himself any time he felt that twinge of inadequacy rise.
It was disorienting, acknowledging a fault and embarrassing to admit, even to himself, that it was Louis that had brought it to light. But he wanted to make things work with Donna more than he’d ever wanted anything, and that meant doing the work to better himself as well. So each time the feeling rose, he didn’t shy away from it. He sat with it. Felt it. Reminded himself that Donna knew him, inside and out and had still chosen to be in a relationship with him.
He’d find a way to compliment her or would make a gesture; a coffee, a rose, a lingering kiss despite being at the office.
She’d always reward him with a glowing smile and he’d feel like he was starting to get the hang of it. Casual romance. Expressing feelings.
But with the holidays approaching, Harvey had to acknowledge another one of his shortcomings.
Gift giving.
“You think I haven’t thought of that?” he griped into the phone, “But Donna buys Hermes bags like most people get dental cleanings. Twice a year and an extra if there’s a special occasion.”
Mike snorted on the other end of the line, “Okay not a purse, then. But why’d you even call if you’re just going to reject every idea I give you?”
“Because I thought you were supposed to be this super genius that could actually help me,” he joked.
“Ask me any question about practically any trivia, and I’m your guy,” Mike’s chuckle echoed out of the receiver, “But when it comes to perfect gifts…well, I was going to say Donna is the one to go to, but I guess you can’t really do that.”
“No shit,” Harvey muttered, dropping into his office chair, “Otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“I get it,” Mike assured him, “You want it to be special since you guys are actually together now.”
“She deserves special,” he said, sighing a little, “And I have no fucking clue where to even start.”
“Well, what have you gotten her in the past?”
Probably more items than he was even aware of, considering she’d always had full access to his card and an open spending limit.
He admitted as much to his friend, and Mike was teasing him goodnaturedly about it when a head popped into the office.
“Christmas shopping?” Louis’s interest was clearly piqued by what he had overheard walking by and Harvey motioned to the phone in his hand.
“Not really. Just talking to Mike about gift ideas for Donna and Rachel.”
It wasn’t entirely the truth, but he wasn’t about to admit to Louis that he had no idea what to get his girlfriend for their first Christmas together as a couple.
“Ooh do you need help?” Louis asked, barging further into the room, “I have a lot of ideas. I’m sure Donna would love-”
“What-no,” Harvey was quick to say, “I…I’ve already got something. A really good gift, actually.”
And now he was straight up lying.
He heard Mike snicker on the line.
“Oh, good,” Louis said, unbothered, “Because I can tell you, she’s not an easy woman to buy for. But luckily I found the perfect gift weeks ago and ordered it. It’s supposed to arrive with Sheila’s next week. Just in time for Christmas!”
“What’s in time for Christmas?”
Donna appeared in the doorway, a look of curiosity on her face.
“Nothing,” both Harvey and Louis insisted, too quickly not to be suspicious, and Harvey groaned.
“Mike, I’ll call you later,” he hung up on the young attorney as Louis scampered off, probably to avoid the questioning gaze that Donna was now leveling on him.
“Just talking about Christmas gifts,” Harvey told her, standing to walk around his desk. He leaned back against it and Donna smirked, “Do I even want to know what Louis is gifting everyone?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” he told her, “But probably not.”
Donna laughed, then held out the folder in her hand; apparently the reason she’d stopped by.
“This needs your signature. And don’t forget, we have the partner meeting in an hour.”
“I remember,” he assured her, taking the file.
Donna held onto it, letting him pull her a step closer and she pecked his cheek before surrendering the document and waltzing out of his office as breezily as she’d waltzed into it.
The affection he felt, watching her as she left, quickly waned.
Fuck, he had to think of what to get her. And it had to be perfect. Because no way was Louis’s gift for Donna going to be better than his.
Harvey chewed over different ideas, texting them to Mike once he had them, but ultimately decided that none were right. Good, yes.
A spa weekend in the Berkshires, maybe. Or those new Jimmy Choo’s she’d been eyeing for weeks.
He knew that anything he chose would be accepted with a smile and gratitude, but nothing that came to mind gave him the gut feeling of being the perfect gift.
He wanted something that meant something. Like the painting of his mothers that she had somehow gotten back for him from Elliot Stemple’s office.
There was nothing Harvey wanted that he couldn’t get for himself and yet Donna always managed to know what he needed. How to surprise him. Leave him stunned and speechless.
He wanted to return the favor.
He needed to show Donna that he was capable of doing better. That he could be what she deserved and that he’d shop for her. Choose a gift for her. That he knew her as well as she knew him; certainly better than Louis or anyone else at the firm knew her, and that even though he generally sucked when it came to gift selection, he’d put in the effort for her, because she was worth it.
That desire spurred through him over the next hour and into the partner meeting. Harvey sat close to her, hand on her knee beneath the table and let the feel of her calm the anxiety he felt over his shortcoming.
It worked, until Louis walked in and he was reminded that the man had already supposedly found the perfect gift for Donna and annoyance once more ran hot through his veins.
He slipped his arm up higher on Donna’s thigh and felt her gaze on him while Louis spoke; addressing the other partners.
“You want to tell me what that was about today?” she asked him later that evening, when they were at her apartment, undressing from work.
He was out of his suit jacket and was working loose his tie. She was barefoot in the dress she had worn to the firm, removing her earrings at the vanity.
“What what was about?” he asked, tossing the tie onto the dresser and moving to unbutton the cuffs of his sleeve.
Donna shot him a look through the mirror, “The meeting today. You were…handsier than usual.”
Harvey smirked, coming up behind her once his wrists were free, “You don’t like handsy?”
He grabbed her waist, pulling her back against his chest. She fought a smirk, still staring at him in the reflection.
“Just noticing that it was different. And you kissed me at the end of it. With some of the partners still in the room.”
He shrugged, the movement slight, but she was pressed against him enough to feel it, “It’s not like it’s a secret that we’re together.”
It was a lame excuse and Donna was no fool.
She turned in his arms, wrapping one of hers around his neck as she studied his face in that way of hers.
Her fingertips touched his cheek, stroking the hollow of it beneath the bone.
“Whenever you’re ready to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you, I’ll be here.”
Then she lifted onto the tips of her toes and replaced her fingers with her lips on his cheek. The softest kiss.
Harvey just exhaled and tilted his head, searching her mouth out with his own.
Donna relented and didn’t broach the subject again.
As Christmas drew nearer, Harvey became more desperate in his search for the perfect gift.
The top contender was a trip to Paris. Donna had always wanted to go and he knew he could probably use the vacation himself, but even that didn’t feel exactly right. Sure, it was expensive. It was lavish. It was something that would probably surprise her. But he wasn’t just trying to score good boyfriend points.
Something was missing and until he figured out what, he was shit out of luck.
A sentiment echoed by his best friend, who had called him back to discuss the issue; this time with Rachel in the background.
“I just want to get it right,” he told them, not even sure what that exactly meant. He just knew it wasn’t going to be found in a surprise trip abroad.
“Harvey,” Rachel’s tone was softer than Mike’s, less amused, “Donna loves you because you’re you. The perfect gift for her isn’t going to be something you find at the store, or some fancy vacation. It has to come from your heart.”
“Go easy on him, babe,” Mike told her, “He just realized this year that he even has a heart.”
“Ha. Ha.” Harvey grumbled, but thanked Rachel for the input.
It was good advice and she knew Donna pretty well, too; a fact that he reminded himself of when he held his sleeping girlfriend later that night.
Her long red hair flowed over his pillows and her chest rose and fell with each deep breath.
Donna loves you, Rachel had said.
And he loved her. God, did he love her. Watching her sleep, perfect and peaceful, it overwhelmed him just how much.
Maybe Rachel was right, and he was looking at the gift thing all wrong.
From the heart.
He’d given the guarded, damaged thing to Donna a long time ago and she’d worked her magic; taking it in her capable hands and making it better; whole and beating again.
Maybe the perfect gift was simply finding a way to tell her that.
Donna loved Christmas, especially at the firm. It had become a bit of a tradition to have an all-day holiday party on Christmas Eve, where staff could rotate in and out, snacking on the sweets, exchanging gifts, and sipping on eggnog they all pretended wasn’t spiked. Donna had forewent the alcohol in favor of the delicious hot chocolate that Gretchen had made. The steaming cup really sold the holiday spirit.
Their firm-family had grown a little since the year prior and it warmed her heart to see the new, yet familiar faces come into the partner’s kitchen to celebrate.
And the gifts were quite lovely.
A spa day certificate from Samantha. A pair of earrings from Alex. A cookbook from Gretchen with a marked page boasting of a perfect duck a l’orange recipe. That one had made her smile and she had thanked the secretary with a long hug.
Louis’s gift was also incredible. A first edition set of illustrated Shakesphere volumes that had probably cost more money than she even wanted to think about.
Even Harvey had begrudgingly admitted that it was a thoughtful present, all the while rolling his eyes over the gift certificate Louis had gifted him for a joint mudding session.
Donna had stifled her laugh and told him it was actually quite relaxing, if he was ever willing to give it a chance.
He’d muttered to her that there was no way in hell he was going to go mudding with Louis, but had put on a poker face when confronted by the man in question and thanked him for it.
The day continued on with festivities, the holiday joy helping everyone to relax and many took off early, anticipating a long night with their families.
For the first time in years, Donna left the firm early herself, Harvey at her side.
In the past, she’d always stayed until the end of shift, even on Christmas Eve, because she’d known that Harvey was staying.
He’d been estranged from his family and didn’t ever take vacations, choosing to address his complicated emotions about the holidays by throwing himself into work and she had never been able to quite bear leaving him completely alone.
So year after year, she’d stay. Even when her own family was expecting her in Connecticut. Even when she had early flights or plans with a significant other.
She’d stay until Harvey was ready to leave and she’d give him whatever gift she had picked out for him, the last of the many he usually received, most of which he never wanted, and she’d wish him a Merry Christmas.
This year was different in a way that made her heart buzz.
She and Harvey were at his apartment by sunset. The city was dusted in snow outside his large windows and the tree she’d convinced him to put up in the living room sparkled its light next to his fireplace.
They curled up together on the couch, their gifts for each other on the coffee table beside them.
“Sure you don’t want to wait until tomorrow morning?” Harvey teased her, brushing her hair from her face.
She’d been eager to know what his gift was ever since he’d placed it under the tree and had forbidden her from trying to peek.
“We’re flying to Boston in the morning,” she reminded him with a smirk, “And I’ve waited long enough, thank you.”
They’d planned to spend the holiday with his family, since it was the first since he and his mother had reconciled and Lily was quite insistent on getting to meet Donna. Then they’d be driving back home, stopping for a night at her parent’s house along the way.
“I guess you have,” he caved, but his own smile told her all she needed to know about how excited he was to give her his gift.
Reaching over, Harvey swiped the presents off the table, “Ladies first?”
She nodded, taking the present from him, “Yes. And don’t open yours yet because I want to see your face when you do.”
He chuckled, “Don’t worry. I’m too focused on seeing your face.”
Curiosity filled her as she straightened on the sofa, untangling from his embrace as she sat up and placed the box he gave her into her lap.
It wasn’t overly large, but was hefty. The wrapping was a sparkling red, double folded in places and sloppily taped, telling her that Harvey had at least gone through the effort of wrapping it himself.
The notion was endearing and when she asked him if he had, she’d swear a blush touched his cheeks.
“I have a lot of skills,” he defended sheepishly, “Wrapping presents apparently isn’t one of them.”
Donna giggled and leaned over to kiss his cheek before focusing on unwrapping the gift from its layers of festive paper.
The box beneath was blank, just a container for whatever Harvey had placed inside and the excitement Donna felt built as she found more of that messily placed tape and tore at it, springing the flaps of the box open.
Inside, there was a book.
An album, she thought at first, but when she pulled it out, she realized it was more than that.
A scrapbook.
On the outside, where a picture might normally go, there was text in Harvey’s scrawled handwriting.
Twelve years.
Donna swallowed and she opened the cover.
There were photos inside. The first photo they had ever been in together, back at the D.A’s office. She still had bangs and Harvey was still in a cheap suit, cocky grin in place with his arm slung over her shoulder. They hadn’t been the only ones in that picture, she recalled, but the others had been cut out.
“Oh,” she murmured, touching the photo with her finger, “God, we were so young.”
Harvey adjusted next to her, looking down at the picture, too.
“Yeah,” he said, “We were.”
Donna kept looking. More photos of them at the D.A’s office. Celebratory drinks at a bar. One outside the courthouse. Then there was a copy of a memo and it took her a moment to realize it was the first one she had helped him draft after moving to his desk.
The memory made her smile and clenched her heart tightly in her chest as emotions overwhelmed her.
The next page held a collection of sticky notes. Ones she’d made for him. The slightly obscene drawing that had sparked their whipped cream conversation that flirty night outside Cameron Dennis’s office.
“You kept all these?” she couldn’t help but gasp.
Harvey didn’t respond and she flipped to the next page to find more surprises.
An Hermes fabric sample that she hadn’t been able to decide between, the first time Harvey had taken her there, their first year anniversary of working together at Pearson Hardman. Her personalized stamp from when she worked on his desk that had been used on every paper that he ever signed before she’d filed them.
“Gretchen helped me with that one,” he admitted and she smiled.
There was a playbook from the Shakesphere play he’d watched her perform in a few years ago. There was a copy of Del Posto’s menu.
Her letter of resignation.
The keychain that had long since been replaced.
A cut from white fabric, pink lipstick marring it. She glanced up curiously at that one and Harvey smirked at her.
“It’s my shirt. From that night.”
He didn’t have to say anything else for her to understand.
That night. The night that had changed everything for them. The night he’d shown up at her door, nearly fucked her against her wall and had changed the course of their relationship in a real and permanent way.
The rest of the page was filled with photos since that night. The ones of them actually together.
Selfies, mostly. Some sweet and loving. Others more risque. The last one was less than two weeks old, taken exactly where they were seated by her own cellphone.
Harvey’s face was pressed against her cheek, kissing her, and her grin was wide and happy.
He’d asked her to send it to him after she’d taken it and it had been the lockscreen on his phone ever since.
More emotions welled in her throat, threatening to sting her eyes, and Donna didn’t even try to fight them down as she reached the last page to find a letter tucked inside the plastic slot.
Carefully, she pulled it free and read her name on the envelope.
She tossed a quick look at Harvey and was surprised that he appeared nervous. Lips pressed tightly together, body stiffer than before.
She leaned into him a little, offering reassurance, then opened the envelope; blinking hard when she realized it was a hand written letter.
Donna,
There was a time when I told you I loved you and you asked me how. I couldn’t give you an answer then, and for a long time I told myself that was because I didn’t know. But the truth is, I did. I just didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t know how to access what I felt and what I wanted for us.
After we got together, I used to think about those twelve years apart and hated the idea that I’d wasted them. All that time, all those chances I didn’t take to make you mine when I should have.
But somewhere along the way, I realized they weren’t a waste at all. Because we may not have been together, but in every way that mattered…we were. You’ve been a part of my life for more than a decade, through every win, every loss, every wall I built and every one you tore one down.
You asked me how I love you, and I hope by now, you’ve gotten an answer…in the way I can’t stop looking at you, even when I should be working. In the way I reach for your hand without thinking because I finally can. In the way I hate spending nights away from you and in the way I still have to fall quiet sometimes just to take it in, because I can’t believe you’re really mine.
But as you’ve pointed out a couple times, I’m not the best with words. So just in case it wasn’t clear before now…
I have loved you, Donna, as my best friend. The one person who always knew me, supported me, and put me first, even when I didn’t deserve it. I have loved you as my closest companion, the person I trust most in the world. The only voice that could cut through all my noise and actually make me listen. Whether it was late nights at the firm, listening to one of my father’s records or sharing a drink at the bar after a long day. There was never anyone else whose company I could spend all day in and still miss them when we parted.
I have loved you as my compass. My true north. The one who pointed me toward the man I was supposed to be and has acted as my guiding light through all these years. I am a better man because you love me.
And I have loved you. As my partner in crime. The woman who has always stood at my side, facing down those Goliaths with me. And now, I love you as my partner in all things. In life, in love, in everything that comes next.
You are everything to me, Donna.
It’s hard to know when I fell in love with you, but I know it never stopped. It grew quietly, stubbornly, through all the years, through all of my mistakes, through every time I told myself I couldn’t risk what we had. Turns out, what we had was always love. I just didn’t have the courage to name it until that day of my hearing, when I realized that my victories were hollow if I couldn’t share them with you.
You’ve been my constant, my home, my proof that there’s something better than winning, because when I look at you, I know I’ve already won.
What I don’t know is what I did to deserve the life we have now, but I will spend the rest of mine loving you for it and doing my best to never take it for granted.
You are the most important person in my life, Donna.
I love you. Always,
Harvey
Harvey watched as Donna read the letter he wrote her, catching his lip between his teeth as nerves swirled through his stomach.
She was leaning against him now, her head arched down as she scanned his words, and he couldn’t see her face. He looked over the words again from his perch over her shoulder and when enough time had passed and she was still silent, his nerves became a real fear that he’d somehow messed up.
Maybe he’d understood wrong and this wasn’t the sort of gift she’d been hoping for.
“I-I know it’s kind of ridiculous,” he murmured quietly, “As far as gifts go. I just thought you might…” he cleared his throat, “I can get you something else, too. I’ll give you my card and you can-”
She turned in his arms then, and the look on her face killed the rest of the words on his tongue.
Her eyes were full of tears and she was smiling in a way that ruined him.
“Harvey,” she clung to the letter and scrapbook with both of her hands, holding them against her chest, “This is the best present anyone has ever given me.”
The relief he felt was secondary to the love that flooded his heart and Harvey smiled, reaching out to pry the gifts from her. Donna reluctantly let him take them and he sat them back down on the coffee table, next to his still unopened present.
He’d get around to opening it eventually, but for the moment, there was only one thing he wanted, and it was Donna in his arms, his lap, her mouth pressed firmly against his own.
She let him do that, too, and he could taste her happiness on her tongue when it slipped into his mouth and in the satisfied moan that left her when he held her flush against him, falling back so she was slightly on top of him.
He cupped her cheeks, stroked her hair, and just rested in the emotions she brought out in him; ones that he never wanted her to doubt.
“I love you,” he whispered into their kiss, “So much.”
She pulled away to meet his gaze, but brushed her nose over his, affection all over her features.
“I love you, too, Harvey. Thank you for this.” She gestured to the scrapbook, “It’s beautiful and so was that letter.”
He ran his thumb over her lips, “I wanted to give you something real. Something from the heart.”
Donna looked up at him with emotion flooded hazel eyes, still glistening slightly, then grabbed his hand.
“This,” she said, placing their palms against his chest, “Is the most real thing you could give me.”
“It’s been yours for years,” he told her, the admission falling so easily, it surprised him. Because he meant it with everything he had and the truth was a messy, raw, and vulnerable thing.
Donna stroked his sternum, as if she knew. Of course she knew.
And as much as he wanted to step away from the scrutiny, from her studious gaze and the way the words had made him feel as if his neck were exposed, Harvey forced himself to remain in the moment. To sit with his admission and to feel the emotions that only Donna managed to bring out in him to this magnitude.
It was uncomfortable, but it was also…nice. Freeing.
After a few heartbeats passed, Donna smiled at him, her eyes softening.
“I’m actually quite impressed with your crafting skills.”
The crack in the tension, her humor flooding over the heavy, was another reason he loved her so goddamn much. She understood him so well.
“Don’t get used to it,” he joked back, “I’m still not great at this gifting thing and next year, your present will probably be something store bought and shiny.”
She giggled and he wrapped his arms around her more securely, drawing her close, “But I wanted you to understand what you mean to me. What you’ve always meant to me.”
The humor dwindled, but her happiness didn’t. Donna surged up, kissing him firmly with all the joy and gratitude she contained.
“You did amazing,” she promised, letting their mouths linger close together, “I love it.”
He peppered kisses to the corner of her mouth, making her smile grow and murmured, “Think I might have finally outgifted you?”
She laughed again, pulling back, “Not a chance.”
His brow lifted, "You think yours is better?”
“It’s not a competition,” she smirked, “But if it was, yes, I’d win. Though to be fair, this one is for me as much as it is for you.”
Now he was the one laughing, watching her straighten to a seated position and copying the motion, “Seems to be the kind of gifts you prefer.”
Donna reached over and grabbed the present. It was rectangular, and firm when she handed it to him. Like it was boxed or cased. It wasn’t very big, but he had no doubt that whatever was inside would be something perfect and curated to him, with every ounce of effortless thoughtfulness that had gone into each gift that Donna had ever given him.
With more excitement than he was willing to admit he felt, Harvey ripped at the paper, revealing a labelless box, and was more careful as he worked it open.
The gift was inside, laying softly on tissue paper that was alternating pastel pink and blue. And even so, it took him a moment to understand what he was looking at.
What the object inside meant.
Then the only emotion he could feel was stunned. It wiped out absolutely everything else, his hand trembling slightly as his brain connected the dots.
He felt his eyes widen, his shoulders tighten, his stomach rise to his chest.
It felt nearly impossible to pull his eyes from what he held, but he had to know, he had to be sure-
Donna was staring at him, an expression on her face that hinted at a rare nervousness. She was biting her bottom lip and there was nothing to suggest that this was some elaborate joke.
Her head nodded slightly, confirming the question that must have taken over his face, and just like that, the emotions rushed back, overwhelming him to the point of tears.
“You’re pregnant?” he asked anyway, the word choking on their way out.
The test he held said as much. Her face was telling him it was true. But he wanted to hear it. He needed to.
Donna smiled, tears of her own welling in her eyes, and she laid a hand on his arm.
“Yes, Harvey. I am.”
He swallowed, unable to look away from her, gaze roaming from her face to her stomach and back up again, reality sinking over him.
She’s pregnant. They’re going to have a baby. He’s going to be a father. Donna’s pregnant.
The rest of the world faded away in light of that truth. The past, the future, and all of Manhattan below them. It was only them, in this room, the Christmas lights and the fire dancing off of Donna’s face as she waited for his response. Her hand tightening on his arm as he fought to put the emotions that were rolling through him into words.
But he’d never been good at emotions. And he’d never been good at voicing them.
So instead, he sat the box with the positive pregnancy test down on the coffee table and he reached for Donna, pulling her into his arms.
He kissed her.
He kissed her with every emotion he had; the disbelief, the rush of excitement, the fear and uncertainty, the confusion, the acceptance, and the love.
Goddamn, the love he felt for her was transcending. Transformative. Nothing he deserved and everything he’d ever wanted.
The tears fell, unencumbered and unashamed as he realized that the fragments of what “family” had once meant to him was morphing into something he’d never thought possible. Something real. Whole. Good.
Donna was going to be a phenomenal mother and he knew, with her help, he could be a good father. He imagined a little girl with red hair, or a little boy with his smile; imagined holding them, raising them, loving them.
A family, all their own.
And this child they’d created would never doubt how much their parents loved each other, how fiercely loyal they were to one another. There would be no lies. No infidelity. No travel for months on end. No financial uncertainty. None of the scars from the past would reach this baby.
His baby. With Donna.
Soft hands cupped his cheeks as the woman he loved more than anyone pulled away from the kiss to look at him.
She was crying, too, but her smile was wide and the warmth in her gaze made Harvey’s heart stutter with happiness.
“You’re right,” was all he managed to say, sweeping at her tears with his thumb while ignoring his own.
Donna’s head crooked slightly, her brows pulling together.
He smiled at her, seeing the rest of his life in her eyes.
“Your gift is definitely better.”