Chapter Text
Cassidy felt like he was dying.
Well, that was impossible, technically, but just because something was impossible didn't mean that it couldn't seem real. The Church was enough proof of that.
Maybe he should call Tulip. He wouldn't have to worry about hiding his condition from her, and she could get him more of what he needed. It was stupid of him not to have asked her sooner, but after she had rejected his feelings, Cassidy had done his best to keep his distance.
He made his decision as another bout of nausea ripped though him. He managed to drag himself out of bed and make his way to the phone, dialing the number Tulip had given him.
"What do you want, Cassidy?" Tulip asked after three rings. Her southern accent was tinged with a mix of annoyance and exasperation. Cassidy sometimes forgot that caller ID existed, and he would be the only one calling her from the church. Jesse still wouldn't give her the time of day.
"Tulip..." he replied, his voice raspy and sounding very much unlike his own, "I need a favor."
Her voice immediately dropped and changed to a concerned tone. "What is it? What the hell happened to you?"
"I just....ye remember them pills ye got me, the ones the night we..." he hesitated, not wanting to use the term "made love" again. "Um.....got together? I was just wonderin' if there was any way ye could get me some more?"
Tulip was silent a moment. "That was a one time thing, Cassidy. I told you it's not happening again."
"No, that's not what I meant. We don't have to do none of that." He resisted adding in an unless ye really want to. He was in enough trouble as it was. "All I'm askin' is for drugs. They don't even have to be the same kind, or even pills. Just.....anythin'." His speech was broken up for a moment by a coughing fit. "Please, Tulip. I'm beggin' ye. I'm in real bad shape over here."
Another pause, then a sigh. "Listen, I'm at my uncle's right now. I won't be outta here til later. I'll see what I can do tonight, but I ain't guaranteeing anything, you got that?"
Despite his condition, Cassidy felt himself smile. "Yer a real angel, ye know that?"
"So I've been told," she replied dryly before hanging up.
Cassidy made his way back to bed and pulled the covers around him, shivering in spite of the heat. He was grateful that he still hadn't fixed the air conditioner.
It wasn't like he hadn't been through spells like this before. There had been times when he was on the run and didn't have access to drugs, and it had been especially hard in the beginning. But no matter how sick he got from the withdrawals, he never resorted to the alternative. He didn't want to risk going back to the way he was before.
The hours passed, and Cassidy fell in and out of restless sleep as the sun made its way across the sky. Maybe the peace and quiet would last until Tulip got there, and then he would be alright. He needed to be alone until then. His condition was getting worse, and Cassidy was afraid of what he would do if he was around someone else.
He pushed the covers down as heat flared though him. He might as well have been out in the sunlight, it was so intense. A small whine escaped his lips, which he did his best to reel back in as he heard the front doors of the church open.
"Cassidy?" Jesse's voice called from downstairs. Dammit, Jesse should still be out doing "God's work." Although Cassidy didn't approve of it, he would rather have Jesse out there using his powers on the unsuspecting citizens of Annville, forcing fake love into their hearts, than see him like this.
Cassidy rolled over and pulled the covers over his head as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.
"Cass? I've been looking all over for you! Where the hell have you been?" Jesse asked, stepping into the small attic Cassidy had claimed as his room.
When Cassidy didn't say anything, Jesse came over and shook him. "Wake the fuck up! I'm talking to you! Emily's been up my ass about you not getting anything done, and I come back here to find you sleeping? You better not be hungover!"
Cassidy groaned. "I'm not hungover, okay? Just leave me alone. I'm just...bloody tired. I'll take care of everythin' tomorrow. Promise."
Jesse wasn't amused. "Yeah, that's what you'll say tomorrow, too. This isn't funny anymore." He ripped the covers back and grabbed Cassidy's arm in an attempt to pull him up, only to withdraw quickly. "Jesus, Cass, you're burning up!"
"Thanks for that, what else is bloody new?!" Cassidy sneered, pulling up the covers again violently and turning his back on Jesse once more.
"You...need me to call a doctor, or something?" Jesse asked, his voice hesitant but filled with remorse.
"No doctors. I told ye, I'm just tired. Need to rest," Cassidy mumbled into his pillow. He wouldn't dare ask a holy man like Jesse if could get him any drugs, though Jesse already suspected his inclination for illegal substances due to his "clone people" talk.
Despite the fact that that had turned out to be true.
"You don't need anything at all?" When Cassidy didn't reply, Jesse took it as his cue to go. Once he was gone, Cassidy took a deep breath. Everything would be fine. Jesse would leave him alone, Tulip would be here soon, and then everything would go back to the way it was.
Or so he thought.
A few hours later, Cassidy awoke to a burning sensation in his hand. At first he thought it was just the fever, but when the burning turned into a searing pain, he let out a scream and opened his eyes. He quickly drew his hand away from the pool of sunlight it was laying in and looked up to find Jesse standing near an open window, wide-eyed and plastered against the wall in shock.
It took Cassidy a few minutes to find his voice. "Would ye fuckin' close that blasted thing?!" he screamed. Jesse remained frozen. Cassidy managed to get up, despite the dizzy spell that struck him, and made his way around the ray of sunshine to rip the curtain closed.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with ye?!" Cassidy yelled again, not caring about the strain on his already hoarse voice.
"I....you....needed.....fresh air," Jesse stammered. He stared at Cassidy with those same shocked eyes for what felt like an eternity, and then quickly made his way out of the room and down the stairs.
Cassidy held his pounding head in his hands, unable to process the consequences of what had just happened. All he could think to do was close the door and pull a chair in front of the knob to prevent Jesse from coming back in. It wasn't that he didn't trust Jesse, but.....yeah, okay, he didn't really trust him. He was a preacher, for crying out loud! He followed the same creed as the vampire hunters that stalked him. What would stop him from breaking down the door with a flamethrower or chainsaw or whatever fucking contraption he could think of to send an abomination like Cassidy to hell?
At this thought, Cassidy felt a twinge of guilt. How could he think things like that? Jesse had taken him in, given him a job, been a friend when Cassidy needed one. It was all this fucking Genesis stuff that was making him not trust him. Maybe...maybe despite his recent behavior, Jesse was still the same good guy, deep down. Maybe, after getting over his initial shock, Jesse would take pity on him, show some compassion. Wasn't that what being a good Christian was about, after all?
Too tired and in too much pain to think about it any longer, Cassidy collapsed back onto his bed, holding his burnt hand to his chest. He tried to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, all he saw were the faces of all the people who had ever seen him for what he really was, displaying looks of shock and confusion and fear.
The same kinds of faces that Jesse had made.
In no condition to do anything other than lay there, Cassidy buried his face in his pillow and did something that he hadn't done in god knew how long.
He wept.