Work Text:
The music that blasted through the room died down before their choreographer clapped his hands. “Alright we’ll stop here.” He looked at the members. “Chanyeol, Joonmyeon, Jongdae.” The three idols snapped their heads to the elder. He gave a smile, “You guys did really well. Keep up the good work, especially you Jongdae.” The three smiled and bowed in thanks as the man exited the practice room. When he left the idols all fell to the floor in exhaustion. Jongdae fist pumped into the air. “Yes!”
“You must really be happy.” Jongin laughed at his hyung.
“Of course! I gotta FaceTime Yixing now and tell him the good news.”
"Aish you and your ‘Yixing obsession’...” Baekhyun rolled his eyes.
Jongdae pouted at the brown haired male. “It’s not an obsession. He was practicing with me a lot before he went to finish filming his movie. I want to let him know it wasn’t a waste of time!”
“If you say so.” Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo. “Hey Soo, you wanna get something to eat, I’ll buy.” The doe eyed male shrugged getting up. “If you're buying.”
“Great! Anyone want to join?”
“I’ll go.” Jongin got up from the floor as well as Minseok. “Me too.”
Baekhyun looked at the rest. “Anyone else?” Joonmyeon and Jongdae looked at each other before shrugging. “Sure.”
“Chanyeol?”
“Nah I’m going to sleep. And don’t try to convince me, I’m too tired to eat.”
“Boring. How about you Sehun?”
The raven snapped his head up upon hearing his name from the floor. He saw how they looked at him expectantly but he shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”
“You don’t have to eat though, just come!” Baekhyun pulled on his hand but the maknae remain unmoving. “Really hyung, I don’t feel like going out.”
Baekhyun pouted. “Fine! Have fun at home.” The others left leaving only Sehun and Chanyeol. The brunette looked at his dongsaeng. "C’mon Sehun let’s go home.”
“Actually I was gonna stay here and practice some more.”
“Sehun-ah.” Chanyeol stared at the raven. He looked beyond tired to keep practicing.
“I wanted to practice my solo stages some more. I kinda forgot them.” Sehun laughed lightly, but Chanyeol could feel the emptiness in them. He frowned but knew once Sehun made up his mind he wouldn’t waver. “Alright… Just don’t be out to long.”
Sehun smiled. “I won’t.”
Chanyeol gave one more uncertain look before he left. Once the door closed and it was quiet, Sehun dropped his smile. He blankly looked into the mirror staring at the man that doesn’t look like Oh Sehun.
His eyes looked bleak and had dark circles around them. He looked a little more paler than usual and his smiles look pretty fake at this point. Some people have noticed some of the things and asked him what was wrong but he would only reply he’s been tired. And they would accept it because well EXO has been working a lot. After the MAMA Awards in 2014 and they announced their comeback, the group has been worked non-stop. Between recording their new songs, learning choreography, and preparing for upcoming concerts, Teaser videos, recording the Call Me Baby MV, music shows, then finally the Love Me Right MV, and now a Japanese debut coming, the group hasn’t really had rest.
But that the wasn’t the reason for Sehun’s feeling. This was the outcome of something has been becoming apparent for the past year. A lot has been happening to EXO but it’s not activities that’s ruining him. It’s the group itself. It isn’t complete anymore. It’s not the same and they can never go back to what they were. Sehun’s eyes became blurry from tears as he bit his lip.
The person he looked up to left. Yifan was the first to go, without any notice or concern for the members. And it seemed from there the gates were opened. The person he called brother left. Luhan was next to go shortly after. And now his best friend decided to leave too. It was when Zitao left that he really felt the reality of everything. Of course Zitao is still their friend, so are Yifan (sort of) and Luhan, and Sehun understood why he left but Sehun couldn’t help but feel like Zitao was leaving their family. The family that already lost 2 other people.
Seeing the group less than it should be killed him. He felt like now anyone could leave the group at this point. And somehow in his distraught mind he thought it was his fault. That he didn't try hard enough to make the group better. To make it worth staying for. He wasn't good enough. He wasn't funny enough. He was a cute maknae enough. He wasn't a great enough brother. It's his fault.
So Sehun has been working harder. Practicing more and being more strict on himself. He didn’t want anymore people leaving them, leaving him. Especially the one who is most precious to him. Just thinking of him leaving next broke his entire being. If he left, Sehun would finally snap. He wouldn’t be able to handle not hearing his voice, his laugh.
Sehun pulled his knees to chest and cried into them. It hurt. Hurt so much. But he couldn’t share his feeling with the members. It would be seen as selfish because he isn’t the only one feeling this way. If anything EXO-M would be feeling worse. They were closer to the ex-members who left than he was. Yixing was the only chinese member of all EXO and it must hard for him. But he’s smiling and being the same Lay everyone knew him to be.
And what was Sehun doing?
On the floor crying his eyes out and letting himself be sucked into his dark inner thoughts. But fuck, Sehun couldn’t help it. He might come across as uninterested and cold from his facial expression but he was actually the most sensitive out of all the members. When he was alone he became very emotional. Like he was right now.
The raven wiped his tears and frowned. He was sitting here and getting nothing done. He had to perfect the routines. He had to make it perfect, so that no one else thinks their group is worth leaving. It wasn’t going to be his fault again for them leaving. After a long time he stopped and checked the time. It was past 2am. He sighed, knowing he was going to be scolded for staying out so late. He cursed under breath. His eyes were swollen and red, making his already terrible appearance look like complete shit. Reluctantly he picked his bag up and went back to the dorm.
————————
It was mid morning when Sehun woke up. His eyes and head hurt from crying. He looked over and saw Joonmyeon’s bed empty. Since it was one of EXO’s rare days off, he thought their leader would be asleep. The maknae got out of bed and walked out the room. The first thing he smelt was bacon, making his insides turn. He hasn’t really had an appetite lately. He walked to the kitchen to get juice and found Kyungsoo and Baekhyun there. Kyungsoo was smacking Baekhyun’s hands away from the food.
“Soo~”
“No, wait until it’s all done.”
“Kyungsoo…” The brown hair male wrapped his arms around the brunette and licked the shell of his ear.
“S-Stop Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo pushed the brown haired male away.
“Yeah I shouldn’t be seeing this…”
The two males jumped hearing Sehun’s voice. “S-Sehun!” Baekhyun screeched. Jongin walked inside while rubbing his eyes. He blearily stared at everyone. “What did I miss?” Sehun rolled his eyes and pushed Jongin out the kitchen calling behind him, “Don’t be too loud.” He heard a loud slap and Baekhyun’s cry as a response. Sehun pushed Jongin onto one of the couches. The tan brunette curled up into a ball and closed his eyes. The raven could only sigh. Old habits die hard. The front door opened and Minseok and Jongdae came inside. They were sweating and Sehun guessed they went on their morning workout. “Morning Hyungs.”
“Morning Sehun!” They replied before going to their rooms to, what he assumed, take a shower. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo came out the kitchen with a few platters of food. “Foods done. Come and eat.”
Sehun took a seat on the couch and made a face. “I’m not hungry. Where’s Joon Hyung?”
“You need to eat Sehun.” Kyungsoo scolded setting an empty plate out for him. “And Joonmyeon is in my room with Chanyeol. He’s helping him with some melodies. Can you get them for me so we can all eat?” Kyungsoo spoke as he put some food on a plate for Baekhyun. Sehun sighed while nodding, knowing he’ll never win against the older male. He got up and walked to Chanyeol’s room. He knocked on the door before walking in. Joonmyeon and Chanyeol had headphones on and a mic was placed in front of the leader. He went to them and tapped their shoulders. They turned to him while taking off their headphones. “Oh hey Sehun what’s up?” Joonmyeon asked.
“Breakfast is ready. Kyungsoo said to come and eat.”
“Ah okay.” He turned to Chanyeol. “I’ll help you out later.”
“Okay.”
Joonmyeon walked out the room first. Sehun went to follow him but his wrist was caught by a large warm hand. He looked back at Chanyeol wide eyed. “Yes?”
Chanyeol said nothing and scanned his face, his hand lowering to hold Sehun's. “Are you okay?”
Sehun cocked an eyebrow, “Yeah… Why wouldn’t I?”
“Your eyes are puffy and red.”
Sehun went rigged. Damn, he was hoping no one would bring it up. He gave a nervous laugh, “I’ve been tired lately.”
“Right…” Chanyeol said unconvinced. He looked like he wanted to say more but instead let go of Sehun’s hand. “I’ll be out in a sec.”
“Okay.” The raven walked out the room quickly, trying to calm down his beating heart. Missing the worried stare from the older brunette.
————————
Chanyeol was an observant person. People probably wouldn’t guess due to his hyper and overly happy personality. But he notice things some wouldn’t. He just had a knack for it. That’s why he knows his member so well. And that’s also why he knew something was wrong. Something very wrong. Of course the members are a little damaged after what happened but they learned to let fate take its course and let things go.
Luhan FaceTimes Minseok when they are free (basically everyday) and Zitao is always sending them pictures on their Line group chat. Yifan was getting there, texting Joonmyeon at random times, since Joonmyeon is the only one he will talk to; he always had a soft spot for the leader which was returned though slightly damaged because of him leaving.
They were still in contact with their ex-members, they just weren’t physically around. So everyone was content with that.
So why was there something going on with Sehun? Of course everyone at some point in time noticed this but everyone assumed it was just because he was restless, like the rest of them. But Chanyeol knew better. He observed Sehun the most out of all the members. He could see everything on the maknae’s face. He knew his expressions, his eyes, his smiles, his body language, everything. The raven was an open book for the older male. They say you understand the one you love most so Chanyeol guessed that was why.
Sehun has been distant too. Around staff, friends, and fans, he is happy and warm but once out of their sights he reverts back to sad. And Chanyeol hated it. He knew why the raven was so sad and there was nothing he could do to take that pain away. He tried giving the younger male space to let him heal but things were getting out of hand. He was more quiet, laughed less, ate less, and practiced more than needed. And Chanyeol swore he was going to do something about it.
————————
It was the next day and the group was going over the choreography for some of their non title songs on the new album for their concert coming up. They were at it for 2 hours now and had no intentions of stopping. They went for a quick water break.
Minseok took a seat. "Luhan called this morning. He wished us good luck on our concert. He said next time we're in China he'll come see us." Baekhyun and Jongdae smiled at that while Chanyeol yelled a small 'yay'.
Jongin and Yixing were doing more stretches together. Everyone was tired and breathing hard, but not as hard as Sehun.
The maknae was leaning against the glass wall struggling to swallow his breath; and their leader noticed. "Sehun are you okay?" Joonmyeon whispered, not wanting to catch attention. Sehun nodded though it was obvious he wasn't. "Just a little tired."
"A little is an understatement Sehun. You can take a break if it's too mu-"
"No." Sehun said with a quick stern voice. Joonmyeon stared blankly at younger male. The raven shook his head and pushed himself off the wall. He felt dizzy but acted as if he was okay. Joonmyeon called off break and they went back to dancing.
After a short while Sehun started to feel sluggish in his movements and was finding it hard to stop his hand from shaking. He faintly heard Joonmyeon stop their practice. When he went to face the leader to question him, he lost his footing and fell to the floor. He could hear voices yelling but his world faded to black.
When he woke up he was met with a blinding light over him. It took him a second to adjust and when he did all he saw was white. Hospital . He groaned at himself. "What the hell Sehun.
"What the hell is right."
Sehun snapped his head up to the figure at the foot of his bed. "Hyung..."
Kyungsoo had his arms crossed and leaned on one side of his body. He looked upset. "You know why you're here, right?"
Sehun kept quiet and looked down. He knew why.
"Over exhaustion and not eating. They said you had a low blood sugar episode. This why I said you have to eat more."
"I'm sorry..."
Kyungsoo sighed before walking the younger's side. He grabbed his hand. "Sehun, just promise not to do it again."
The raven looked up at his hyung and nodded. "Promise."
"Good now everyone can relax."
"Where is everyone?" Sehun just then realized the lack of people in his room.
"At the dorm. It was hard to make them leave, especially Chanyeol, but I made them."
"Ah..."
"Anyways, nothing serious happened to you so you can still do the concert. But you’re going straight to sleep when we get back- and eating a big dinner." Kyungsoo added with a stern look.
Sehun gave a small smile and nodded. He would do that, for his hyungs.
————————
The group just finished their concert, the Exo'luxion in Xi’an, and were sitting in their dressing room. Minseok and Joonmyeon were changing in Room 1 while Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were in Room 2. Jongin was laying on the couch knocked out waiting for his turn to get changed and his partner Jongdae was watching videos of their concert next to him. Chanyeol was talking to some of their stage noonas and Sehun was sitting in the corner of the room resting on one of the hair dresser chairs. Yixing walked over the the younger raven in his regular attire and pat his head. “Aigoo Sehun. It’s our gazillionth concert and you still cry while performing ‘Promise’?”
The maknae opened his red eyes and pushed his hyung away lightly. “Shut up hyung, it’s a sad song.” The chinese raven smiled fondly and wiped at Sehun’s eyes. “Don’t cry, or you’ll make everyone else cry too you big baby.”
Sehun smiled, “Alright…”
Yixing smiled one last time before walking over to Jongdae. Sehun watched as he propped his head on the younger’s shoulder, wrapping his arm around him. Sehun smiled at that before he got up. He didn’t want his brooding mood to ruining everyone’s happiness.
Yeah, they’ve repeated this concert more than once and perform the same songs but every time towards the end when they sing their self composed song, Promise, Sehun gets really emotional. The lyrics alone make people cry but for Sehun it means so much more. It talks about his losses, the unwanted change he had to go through. It made him think about all the good, painful memories of before. So he let’s his tears fall in front of fans in the concert. Neither they nor the members would know why. They would all think because he’s in the moment but that’s not it at all. He’s heart broken and that song, as beautiful as it is, is a reminder of that, pouring salt on a wound on his heart.
Sehun made it out the room and went to another abandoned room. He sat down and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. He was happy their concert was over but that was it. Everything else was blank for him. He just wanted to lay in a bed and just forget the whole for a second. But the world was a cruel one because someone opened the door. “Sehun?”
The maknae looked up, “Yes hyung?”
Joonmyeon leaned against the door frame. “Why are you in here by yourself? Anyways it’s your and Chanyeol’s turn to change.”
“Okay.”
When he walked into the changing room, he found Chanyeol already shirtless. He averted his eyes and felt his face get warm. He turned around and went to change his own clothes. After unbuttoning his shirt he went to slide it off when a hand caught his. He looked at Chanyeol confused but moved his eyes since he was still shirtless. “What do you want?”
“To talk.”
“Right now isn’t really a good time…” Sehun stuttered over his words once he felt Chanyeol’s body move closer.
“This is the perfect time to talk. Jongin and Jongdae are in the other room. No one’s going to come for another 20 minutes.” Chanyeol spoke in a matter of fact way. “So we’re going to talk.”
“What’s there to even talk about?”
“Sehun-ah, I’m worried about you…”
Sehun pulled his hand away and took steps back. “I don’t see why.”
“Because you’ve been acting different. I know you’re upset-”
“I’m not upset.” Sehun said defensively.
“Sehun-ah--”
“I really don’t want to talk right no-”
“Will you stop it?!”
The two males both stared at each other in shock. Chanyeol couldn’t believe he raised his voice at Sehun. He never did that. He was the only one Chanyeol couldn’t never be mad at. But Chanyeol knew he had to do this, so he kept going. “Will you stop acting like everything's okay?!” He yelled in a broken voice. “Sehun I know.”
The raven’s eyes turned into saucers at the other’s words. Chanyeol frowned. “I know you’re like this because Kris, Luhan, and Tao left.”
Sehun was speechless and couldn’t form any words.
“Why are you running yourself to the ground by practicing so hard? Why aren’t you eating anymore? Are you trying to kill yourself? You think that's going to fix anything?!" Chanyeol asked each question getting closer to Sehun. And Sehun kept moving back until he was caught between the wall and Chanyeol. He gulped when the brunette came into his personal space.
"I-I..." The words were stuck in his throat as a lump.
Chanyeol had betrayal covering his face. “I know you’re hurting but damn Sehun can’t you cry on my shoulder to lessen the pain?”
Sehun’s throat felt tight as his lips trembled and his eyes soon started to water. Chanyeol noticed and gave a sad face. He softly cradled the raven's head and wiped his tears with a thumb. "Sehun-ah..."
"It's my fault."
"What?" Chanyeol asked in surprise.
Sehun finally let out a sob as he looked down ashamed to the floor. “It’s my fault they left.”
Chanyeol knew what Sehun was referring to but he just didn’t understand why. “Sehun-ah… why would it be your fault?”
“I-I wasn’t good enough!” Sehun looked up and Chanyeol saw all his sadness. “I wasn’t funny enough. I wasn’t a good maknae. I’m a lazy dancer- even fans say that. I made this group crap and that’s why they l-”
The raven stopped when he was pulled into a bone crushing hug from the brunette. “Sehun. It isn’t your fault…” Sehun heard the older male whisper in his ear but he couldn’t think straight because of the hot skin pressed against his. “H-Hyung it is-”
Chanyeol pulled back far enough to see Sehun’s face. “Sehun, shut up. There’s nothing wrong with you. And it wasn’t your fault they left. They had their reasons and you weren’t one of them. You need to stop this, please .” Chanyeol grabbed Sehun’s arms tighter, feeling his own eyes start to tear. “I could never ask for a better version of you. You dance amazingly, you’re an amazing cute maknae. You are enough Sehun-ah….” The tears finally fell, “You’ll always be enough for me.”
He watched as Sehun’s walls slowly crumbled with each word he spoke. His heart was beating fast and he looked at the younger’s face. After so long, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. With one more glance in the chocolate orbs he loves, Chanyeol leaned in and kissed Sehun on the lips. He cradled the raven’s face gently and kissed him hard but with a soft tenderness. Sehun’s eyes widened. He never thought Chanyeol would ever do this, he never thought they would be able to do this. His heart was slamming against his ribcage because of the soft lips. He closed his eyes and moved his lips along with Chanyeol’s. He found his arms around the older’s shoulders. They didn’t know how long it lasted but when they pulled away they were left breathless.
With foreheads touching they simply stared at each other. Chanyeol moved his head and started to kiss every part of Sehun’s face.
Kiss on forehead.
“You.”
Kiss on each eye.
“Are.”
Kiss on nose.
“Fucking.”
Kiss on cheek.
“Perfect .”
Kiss on the lips again.
“Do you understand me?” Chanyeol looked Sehun straight in the eye. “I love you.”
The maknae seemed to cry more silent tears when he nodded. He pulled his hyung down and kissed him. I love you too . The unspoken words were clear to Chanyeol who smiled in the kiss. Their lips molded perfectly together and you could taste the salty tears. Chanyeol ran his hands through the soft raven locks he loved so much and pushed more into the kiss, making the younger’s body press against the wall. But Sehun only responded to the kiss more eager. Bare chests pressed against each other trying to get rid of non existent space. Sehun gasped when Chanyeol nipped at his bottom lip. Chanyeol used the opportunity to tilt his head and delve into Sehun’s mouth. And the younger didn’t complain instead moaning in the other’s lips. They danced around each other and Sehun was slowly losing the fight for dominance. Their senses muddled, completely forgetting about their surroundings as they gave into their longterm want.
Bodies started to move together and moans resonated around the room. Somehow Sehun’s shirt fell to the floor and large hands went to his belt buckle, quickly unbuckling it. Chanyeol moaned when nails graze his shoulder blades and finally pulled Sehun’s pants down. They separated and Chanyeol moved lower to kiss up and down Sehun’s neck. The raven was panting and moved his hands to move the brunette’s pants. Their bodies moved against each together again and the air around them became incredibly hot. Chanyeol’s hands travelled low to grab Sehun’s boxers when a knocking broke the moment.
The two stood frozen staring at each other. Chanyeol was first to speak up. “Who is it?”
“It’s Jongdae. Everyone else is finished. What’s taking you guys so long?” They heard behind the door
“Ah sorry, give us 10 minutes.”
“Aish. Fine but hurry up, I want to go home!” They heard footsteps walk away and some shouting.
The room was quiet, with only their heavy breathing breaking it. When Sehun realized what they did his face turn cherry red and he looked to the side embarrassed. “U-Um hyun-”
He stopped when Chanyeol pecked his lips. The brunette smiled and swiped his thumb across the raven’s bottom lip. “Let’s finish getting ready Sehun-ah.”
Too flustered to say anything Sehun nodded and went to his clothes. In a few minutes they finished changing. Sehun was about to open the door when Chanyeol called out to him. He turned to him with a questionable face. The older male bit his lip before grabbing the younger’s hand. “Sehun-ah…”
“...Yes hyung?”
“I love you so… please stop blaming yourself. I hate seeing you hurting.”
Sehun was quiet for a moment before he held the large warm hand tighter. He leaned and kissed Chanyeol. It was simple, but held promises. Their lips brushed when Sehun whispered, “I’ll stop…. and I love you too hyung. Just promise not to leave me.”
That made Chanyeol grin from ear to ear. “I promise.” He kissed Sehun’s hand before opening the door. He gave Sehun a smile. “Let’s go home.”
Something inside of Sehun warmed. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time. He smiled back. “Okay.”
It was happiness.