Archive of Our Own

Sangwon knew he was looking. He was always looking.

“I saw Anxin by the pool.” Geonwoo, Sangwon’s best friend, informed him as he took a seat beside him by the kitchen counter.

Sangwon tried to keep his cool, but there was a raging monster inside of him at the news. Instead of giving a proper reaction, he fiddled with his skirt.

He had been avoiding Anxin for week now, and Sangwon now regretted coming to Sunghoon’s stupid party. In his defense, he never knew that Sunghoon would invite Anxin. They only knew each other through Sangwon, and now that they’re on shaky terms, Sangwon didn’t expect for his friend to betray him like that.

“Are you still seeing each other?”

Geonwoo inquired. Sangwon swallowed the lump in his throat as he downed his Jägerbomb. It was his fourth for the night, and despite having a high tolerance for alcohol, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling lightheaded.

“No.”

Sangwon uttered as he looked at the window right behind his best friend, giving him a full view of Sunghoon’s backyard. As if fate was mocking him, it also gave Sangwon a clear view of Anxin. He would’ve managed to keep his cool if only he didn’t realize that Anxin had also been watching him from outside.

“Wait, I forgot to ask,” Geonwoo pried, “Were you two ever official?”

“What?”

Shrugging, Geonwoo only offered a sympathetic smile.

“I was hearing different things from other people. Thought that you two were exclusive until I saw Anxin hanging out with Liyu last week.”

Sangwon knew how ridiculous it was. He should’ve seen it coming, and yet he pretended that he didn’t know what was at stake. Entertaining Anxin’s whims during an elective class was one thing, but now that he had been seen in Anxin’s orbit, people talking about him made his skin crawl.

“I also heard that Anxin was hung up on you, but I don’t know why that is.”

Letting out a chuckle, Sangwon was sure that Anxin would never be hung up on anyone—not even him. Especially him. But truth be told, his heart stuttered at the possibility of lingering in Anxin’s thoughts, residing at the dark corners of his mind like an orphan taking refuge. It felt nice knowing that the younger boy may still be bothered by his absence the same way Sangwon pretended he wasn’t.

“We were never a thing, Geonwoo-yah.”

Sangwon decided to brush it off as he clarified with ease. Unfortunately for him, Geonwoo knew him better than he knew himself.

“But you were something?”

And that—that was the gist of it, really.

They had something. They were something.

Something. It wasn’t everything or anything, but it was something.

A blip in the radar, a second within a minute, a glimpse of a moment. It was short-lived, but if Sangwon was being honest, it was fucking infinite. Anxin had come to know him in ways that he had never let anyone know him. Anxin has seen him in ways scared him. And, for a moment, Anxin had made him feel normal the way he had always wanted. It was because of him that Sangwon came to realize that he, too, could be loved just the way he is.

Anxin gave him something to hope for. Sangwon couldn’t deny that fact. Which was why the heartbreak felt more like a betrayal than a hurting.

“You can call it that.” Sangwon put on a fake smirk, trying to make it seem like it was nothing more than it was something.

“Something.”

Anxin’s nails were digging against Sangwon’s skin as the younger boy’s mouth worked its wonders on him. Sangwon’s legs felt incredibly weak and Anxin’s mouth would not stop from letting out desperate noises.

“You sound so fucking good for me, baby.”

His hair kept on tickling the insides of Sangwon’s thighs, and Sangwon decided that it was a good idea to use that as some sort of leverage. Anxin pushed his tongue in for a short moment the same way he does when making out with Sangwon, and the fire in Sangwon’s belly burned through his skin. Pushed up against the door of the bathroom, Sangwon began praying that nobody was waiting on the other side.

“Hyung.”

Anxin pulled away from his dripping cunt not before giving his clit a strong and hungry suck. Sangwon exhaled a whiny moan at this. Anxin smirked at how boneless he already looked.

“Hm?”

“Should I fuck you here?”

His lips moved against his labia, his breath warm against his hole. From above, Sangwon could see how turned on he was; his eyes were dark and hooded, his forehead was sweaty, and his hands continued to leave harsh indents on the flesh on his thighs. Sangwon could also see his dimple as he mouthed the region where his cunt meets his thigh, sucking and biting the soft area like some crazed predator.

“Do you...”

Sangwon closed his eyes just to keep his head clear. Anxin continued letting his tongue draw patterns against his skin, warmly making its way up to his cunt and back down again. Sangwon tried to think rationally, to tell himself that it’s a fucking bad idea to even be in the same room as Anxin. Unfortunately for him, his desire ran deeper than he expected.

“Take me home later.”

Anxin, still playfully mouthing his dripping cunt, hummed in agreement. His fingers then slid inwards into his thighs, massaging the flesh as it made its way upwards. Soon enough, they were kneading his labia, prying him open as Anxin blew gently on his wet center before he pushed his tongue in.

“Fuck, Anxin...”

“Have I ever told you how fucking sweet you taste like?”

Sangwon could only offer a groan as his hand in Anxin’s hair gripped tighter, his thigh on Anxin’s shoulder pulling the younger boy closer. After a while, he felt a finger push in him. Helplessly, Sangwon sighed out his name as Anxin began teasing him with a single digit. As Sangwon looked down, he saw the boy leaning against his thigh, looking up at him like a worshiper.

“Fuck, baby...” The endearment slipped out of Sangwon’s tongue easily. “One more, please…”

“Hm?” Anxin bit his lip as he grinned up at him, the finger inside his cunt wiggling ever so slightly to keep him on the edge. “What do you want, hyung?”

“One more—Fuck, there... One more, Anxin, please.”

Ridiculously, Anxin cooed as he pressed a modest kiss against his skin.

“Say that again?” His finger pushed in deeper and began curving inside him in every pull back.

“Anxin, please. I need it. Please.” Sounding like a needy bitch, Sangwon tightened his grip on his hair as his other hand moved upwards to rest on his hips.

Seeing his dimples on full-display, Anxin mercilessly bit the inside of his thigh as he pushed a second, then a third finger.

“You’re so polite, hyung.”

Anxin pumped his fingers slowly at first, curving relentlessly every time he pulled out. His eyes were still on Sangwon, watching his face turn into a shameless manifestation of how good the younger boy was making him feel. With his guards down, Sangwon let Anxin play with him however he pleased—and, of course, Anxin knew this.

Then, Anxin’s fingers thrust harder, reaching deeper like salvation could be found right inside his cunt. Sangwon’s breath stuttered as his hands desperately tried to find something to hold on other than Anxin’s head. He clutched the doorknob right beside him, trying to find leverage because he knew that in a short moment, his knees might give out.

Anxin, of course, saw this and harshly, almost painfully, sucked his clit before saying, “Baby, what’re you doing?”

Sangwon’s mind was in a lustful haze, so all that he managed to say as a response was a pathetic sigh. Slowing his fingers down into a grind, Anxin pulled back slightly to look at him. Sangwon could see the wet patch around his mouth, and his chest burned with pride.

“Babe,” he said as he teased his G-spot. “I already knew that you were an exhibitionist, but I didn’t think you’d like it this much.”

“What?” Sangwon exhaled as he tried to collect himself, the coattail of his orgasm getting farther and farther away.

“Hyung,” Anxin muttered as he hungrily bit his thigh again. “You’re opening the door, and there are people outside.”

It was as if ice cold water rained down on him, the heat of the moment subsided. There was shame as he heard shuffling of feet outside the door. Whispers were also audible, and Sangwon felt his cheeks burn.

There was shame, but then there was a greedy monster in the pit of his stomach pulling on his orgasm. Lust had completely overtaken his senses, and before Sangwon knew it, he was closing his eyes as his thigh pulled Anxin closer again.

“Let them listen.” Sangwon tactlessly whispered, which earned a proud grin from the boy kneeling down under him.

“That’s my baby.” Anxin whispered like a prayer before he went back to his worship of Sangwon, his fingers working endlessly to open him up as his mouth continued to leave hot kisses on his cunt. He could hear how wet he was, and it made him clench so hard as Anxin hummed graciously against him.

“Fuck, I could eat you out all day, baby.” His fingers stilled inside of him and began aiming to overstimulate the bundle of nerves only he was able to find and claim. “I’d do you everywhere. Remember when I fingered you during class? You’re so needy, hyung. And when I played with your tight ass in the library? Fuck, I’d do you there over and over again.”

Hearing him mutter those words against his cunt was magical. It was heaven.

“And you’d let me, won’t you? You’d let me have you anytime, anywhere, right, hyung?”

Mindlessly, Sangwon nodded again and again as his peak approached closer and closer.

“Fuck, baby, you’re fucking filthy. I knew you’d like that. I knew it.”

Abruptly, Anxin stood up, his fingers still in him. He then moved to bury his face on Sangwon’s neck as he continued to pump his fingers hard. Sangwon’s hands found refuge on his broad shoulders, pulling Anxin impossibly closer against him. Like this, Sangwon had Anxin pressing him against the door. Sangwon wound one of his legs around his waist, and he took that as a sign to hold it, grip it, and leave his finger marks all over it. Anxin’s touch was bruising, and Sangwon loved it.

“I’ll fuck you every day, hyung,” Anxin repeated as he relentlessly nibbled on the skin on his neck. “Because you’re mine, aren’t you? All mine, all for me. Right, baby?”

Sangwon wordlessly showed his agreement by clenching against his fingers hard. Anxin groaned at this and pulled his face away only to look directly into his eyes.

“Fuck, baby, your pussy’s too tight.” He whispered against his lips, his eyes burning through hiss. Sangwon felt tears dripping down his cheeks as his saliva started drooling out of his open mouth. Anxin saw this and immediately licked his skin—his chin, his cheek, and found its end on his mouth.

He shoved his fingers harder, faster, and rougher. Along with his appendages inside he, his palm ground against his clit. He was stimulating Sangwon inside and out, and Sangwon let out a needy whine. The squelching became louder, and Sangwon could feel a ringing in his ears. There were stars clouding his vision as Anxin continued his brutal pounding, his brutal kissing, and his brutal whispering of sweet nothings. Desperately, he held onto his shoulders as he began licking into his mouth.

“Come on, hyung. Come for me. Show me how good I make you feel. Show me that you’re mine. Let them know who does you good. Shit, Sangwon-hyung. Let them hear who owns you, baby.”

Anxin repeated over and over again, his other hand finding Sangwon’s neck and letting his palm rest gently against his throat. His fingers, however, pressed hard against the sides, and Sangwon heard his pulse racing in his ears.

“Fuck, baby—” He clawed Anxin’s arm that was holding him up by the neck, and he searched his eyes. For a fleeting second, his blurry vision cleared and Sangwon saw him smiling, his dimple peeking as he called out his name.

“Hyung, say my name.” Anxin’s hot breath on his cheek made him dizzy, his high getting closer and closer by the millisecond.

Sangwon opened his mouth, drooling and moaning as he tried to utter his obedience. “Ah—Anxin…”

Seemingly satisfied at the sound of this, Anxin’s dimple deepened before licking Sangwon’s cheek. Then, as he curled his fingers inside of Sangwon harder, he whispered against his skin, “Let go, baby.”

And, by Anxin’s word, Sangwon came—hard.

Squirting all over his hand like a desperate slut, he moaned out his name over and over, cross-eyed and knees weak. He held Sangwon up as he continued to pump his fingers in him, whispering how much of a good boy he was and how his Sangwon was. He closed his eyes as his legs finally gave out, urging Anxin to push him harder against the door to keep him upright. Slowly, Sangwon let his face find its way on the crook of his neck as he sobbed. Anxin drew soft circles on his back as his fingers stilled inside of him.

“Good boy. You were so good,” he whispered as he pressed soft kisses against Sangwon’s head. “Thank you, baby. You did so well. So good for me.”

The moment was bliss. It was heaven. It was the kind of Cloud Nine that only Anxin made him see. His arms were all over Sangwon, and he was all over him. Belatedly, he wondered if it would be like this all the time—if he had Anxin all to himself.

The thought of that, however, made his heart ache.

Pulling away, Sangwon looked up at him only to see him looking at him. He felt Anxin’s fingers slowly pulled out of him, and Sangwon watched as Anxin raised them to his mouth, tasting what he had done to him. He heard his breath hitch as the younger boy then pulled his fingers out of his mouth and let it rest on Sangwon’s lips. Surrendering, Sangwon opened his mouth to taste Anxin’s saliva and his slick combined.

The entire time, Anxin’s eyes were on him. He looked at Sangwon like he wanted him all to himself—and Sangwon knew that there was some truth to that. Anxin had always been fascinated with him, fixated on everything that he did to the point where he would do everything in his power to have Sangwon.

And that—that pulled him back down to Earth.

“Are you good?” Sangwon heard Anxin asking as he caressed his arms. Slumping against the door, he let out a heavy exhale as he nodded.

“Hold on, I’ll tell Kaiwen to bring me my bag.”

“Why?” Sangwon sounded breathless as he eyed Anxin tiredly, curiously. Anxin was still holding him up, his thigh slotted in between his legs to keep him from falling completely. As Anxin raised his hand to fix his hair, Sangwon watched him closely.

“I have some clothes there. Some shorts that might fit you. I’m not letting you out of here wearing nothing under your skirt.” He eyed the skirt Sangwon was wearing, a knee-length maroon skirt that he used to tease him for. He called it his grandmother’s skirt the first time he wore it, but that was also when the younger boy talked him into sitting on and warming his cock for hours while he worked on his term paper. Sangwon couldn’t help but recall the time when Anxin also got into a fight just because some transphobic bastard said some nasty things about him while wearing it.

“Fine. Call him.”

Sangwon said as he let his eyes close. He could still feel Anxin’s hand wandering against his skin, and he felt something hard brush the inside of his legs. Opening his eyes, he saw the younger boy texting with one hand. Sangwon looked down to see him hard through his gray jogging pants—embarrassingly, there was a wet patch on his thigh.

As Sangwon raised his head, he found Anxin looking hungrily at him again.

“Do you need a hand?”

Sangwon asked shyly for some reason. It wasn’t like it was Sangwon’s first time offering to help Anxin in his release, but for some reason it felt odd to do so at that moment.

Smirking, Anxin raised an eyebrow, a visible indent making an appearance on his cheek as he smirked. Sangwon had always loved Anxin’s dimple, but he’d rather die than admit that.

“Would you like to give me a hand?”

He was playing hard-to-get. Obviously, Anxin wanted to see how willing Sangwon was to surrender to him. He might’ve been the one on his knees earlier, but Sangwon was completely at his mercy. Now, Anxin was testing to see how under he was; how eager he was, how ready he was to indulge him and only him, and how willing he was to swallow his pride like a good boy just to make room for him.

Anxin had always been possessive, but he liked it when he knew that Sangwon would be willing to be greedy for him as well. Anxin liked knowing how much power he had over him—and Sangwon liked that.

Just before Sangwon admitted defeat, however, Anxin’s phone rang. He answered it without looking at the contact information.

“Hey. Yeah, I’m here. I’m with someone right now. Oh, you’re here, too? Did Sunghoon hyung invite you or are you gatecrashing? Right, right. Well, I’ll meet you in a couple.” Their conversation ended, and he didn’t like what he was feeling.

“Who—”

“Kaiwen’s coming. He also told Geonwoo hyung to come with him. They’ll be here in a sec.” Anxin sputtered as he began pulling away, leaving Sangwon boneless against the bathroom door. “I’ll see you later. Text me if you’re ready to go home. We can finish this there. Just text me, ’kay?”

“Wait, why not now?”

“Hm?”

“Why can’t we go now?”

Anxin scratched his nape. “Oh, I’m meeting a friend. He just arrived, so I’m just going to say hi.”

Dumbfounded, Sangwon decided to just nod and straighten himself up. Anxin bent down to pick up his underwear, now ruined, from the floor. Sangwon shyly told him to just put it in the trash can. Smugly, Anxin decided to put it in his pocket. Sangwon blushed at this.

“Text me later, alright? I’ll take you home.”

Anxin repeated as he stepped closer, his hand closing around the doorknob. As Sangwon was about to step out of Anxin’s way with a bruised heart, the younger boy planted a modest kiss against his cheek. It was unlike anything he had ever given Sangwon before, and he felt his heart heal for a moment.

Sangwon stared at him for a couple more seconds. Anxin stared back at him.

And then, he opened the door, shushed the people outside—probably still listening—and closed it.

And he was left all alone.

Sangwon found out that after Anxin went out, he immediately had the crowd dispersed to make sure no one would bother him. They wouldn’t know who Anxin was fucking around with in there, and Sangwon was perfectly fine with that. After all, all he had was something.

As much as they both said it to each other, he wasn’t Anxin’s and Anxin wasn’t his.

The truth of this statement sunk into him the moment he stepped back into the kitchen to get a drink. The party was wild, and it was just 1 AM. The house was packed, and everyone was either high or drunk.

As Sangwon made his way to the fridge with Geonwoo right behind him, he saw Anxin.

Outside, by the pool.

With Liyu.

It wouldn’t be a problem, of course. It shouldn’t be.

They were something.

They had something.

Now, as soon as Anxin left Sangwon alone in that bathroom, they were nothing.

Sangwon shouldn’t be bothered. There was no problem at all. He signed up for this. He agreed to it.

But as he looked at the pair making out now, he knew that he shouldn’t be surprised.

Anxin wasn’t Sangwon’s—and he wasn’t his.

So, it’d make sense to find him making out with someone else in front of his friends, with tens of people watching them and cheering them on like they were some goddamn show.

“Is that Anxin?” Sangwon heard Geonwoo ask, but he didn’t have the dignity left to answer.

So, instead of facing his demons head on, Sangwon decided that it was time to go home.

“That stupid motherfu—” Geonwoo tried to comment, but Sangwon immediately held his arm to stop him. Sangwon let out an exhale as he told Geonwoo that he’d just find someone else to take him home. Surely, he could ask one of his friends there for a ride. Sangwon knew he could do it. Find someone else. Someone that is not Anxin. It was only fair if he did it too.

After all, this wasn’t the first time Sangwon had done it. It may have been the first time he actually saw Anxin claiming someone else in public, sure, but the ache he brought had always been there.

Sangwon knew, for a reason, that Anxin didn’t want to be seen around him. He was his dirty little secret, some convenient desperate cunt to be filled. He was nice enough not to call him a slut, but that was what he was; only to him, of course. Sangwon let Anxin know of who he truly was, and Anxin was a greedy monster. He enjoyed the fact that nobody else had seen Sangwon for what he is. He consumed Sangwon in ways that Sangwon thought he would never allow a person to consume him—wholly. 

It was raw desire, and Sangwon liked the fact that Anxin wanted him despite everything. Even with everything, Anxin wanted something from him.

It made Sangwon sick, however, and he had enough with how the younger boy makes him feel after every high. Sangwon knew how Anxin could be mean, but it hurt more to see how Anxin doing nothing to him made everything feel like one giant joke.

Looking around the crowd, Sangwon saw people—pretty people who looked like they’d treat him far better. Of course, he didn’t want them, but that didn’t matter. He just needed a warm body, and if the one he wanted chose to suck face with someone else, then he could at least retaliate.

Not that Sangwon was sure it would hurt Anxin the same way he was hurting now. But that’s not the point. The point is, he could have everyone else wanting him. He could show Anxin that everyone else wanted him, and that he could give them exactly what Anxin had taken from him.

As his eyes landed on a certain boy with long dark hair in a plain black turtleneck, he smiled to himself. Sangwon had nothing else to lose, so might as well go for it.

Like gravity, the man’s eyes looked in his direction.

They were both looking at each other, assessing each other like predator and prey. Sangwon felt cruel for the possibility of using someone, but he couldn’t care less at this point.

From across the room, Yang Jungwon offered a sly grin, a visible indent appearing on his cheek. Perfect. Sangwon smiled back, already liking the possibility that Anxin would hate him for this. It would only be a fraction of how bad he made him feel, so it was only fair.