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They're watching him more closely now, Droid knows this.
He watches them back sometimes, when he's not busy drifting.
That's what he's taken to calling it. When he sort of stares at something, poking and prodding his mind, as hours pass.
When he loses days at a time, and the others just stare at him with thinly disguised horror… or maybe it's something else?
He watches how they all whisper when they think he's sleeping. How they talk in; “what if?” statements, before hushing each other.
Droid notices how sometimes half of them leave, staying away for a few weeks at a time. He knows they're doing something… but the others always seem too scared to elaborate on what exactly it is.
Droid settles into his bed, the room dark, as he likes it. His food had tasted like nothing, and he'd replied in the obligatory ways, mind busy thinking again.
Turning onto his left shoulder, he can't help but feel like there's a hole… and something is missing.
He drifts again.
…
“I am the one who loved you…”
A whisper. A haunting whisper.
It's that voice again. The voice is back. The one that haunts his dreams… Or his nightmares…?
Droid's still not sure.
It's something from before his accident, he's pretty sure, but the others are all so secretive about it, that he doesn't think they'd give him a straight answer.
Who's voice is it then?
He pauses his breathing for a second, before frowning.
No… His therapist has been trying to get him to stop prodding. It's all just his imagination, some weird crazy dream right?
His skin prickles with the feeling of being watched. Droid sits up in bed, heart jolting in panic as he shivers. His head throbs heavily, as he looks over at the balcony, at the moonlight seeping in.
Something's changed.
He can't put his finger on it.
“I am the one who stayed…”
Guilt.
That's what hits Droid next, enough to make him almost collapse and start gagging. Guilt so thick and heavy that he struggles to breathe for a second.
It's half forgotten, half repressed. The guilt of knowing that he directly caused something to go wrong.
Something that had a ripple effect into where he is now. But what?
What did he do? He doesn't… he can't remember…
“I am the one… and you walked away…”
‘Wait… Where are you going? D-Droi-’
Words. Walking… Running.
Oh.
Memories leak in, making him bristle, as he clenches his jaw.
Himself. Being frustrated… of him storming off into the unknown by himself, desperate to get away… But why?
Why had he-?
There was more..
A fight. Lashing out. Lashing out at someone who didn't deserve it. Someone who was simply exhausted and worn out. Who didn't have the strength to keep fighting.
Why had he gotten so angry at that? At someone being so vulnerable with him?
After all… All they'd had was each other. But with Droid wanting so desperately to be free and…
The other being… So very tired, yet accepting of what that meant for himself.
No.
He's making it up.
Shaking his head, he rolls over, looking away from the window.
“I am the one who waited….. And now you act like you just.. don't give a damn…”
Droid's eyes open again, as his heart jolts painfully at that.
He'd stormed off alone, yes… But…
Had he? Had the other really waited? How long had he stuck it out for? All that time, spent waiting… alone?
Holding out hope that Droid will come back?
But Droid had never come back, had he?
What had it been like? What would have happened?
Did… did he stand there… sit there… lay there, believing with his whole chest that his friend… his only remaining friend would come back? Return and bring comfort with him?
It's enough to make Droid's breath hitch a little, as the voice fades.
“Like you never knew… who I am…”
Droid's head aches. That buzzing is returning… making tears build up in his eyes.
He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember what happened!
Why does it hurt so bad?
Letting out a quiet sob, he rolls onto his back, before slapping a pillow over his head.
…..
Drifting. Drifting again through the days.
Sun, Moon, clouds, stars.
The world goes by, as Droid feels stuck in the past. He doesn't know why, he just knows he can't move on until the weird patches and spotty memories are sorted.
It's holding him back, and he's unable to even trust his friends, who all just look at him with such pity in their eyes… He knows the others are still so worried about him… But his skin can't help but crawl… Like they're keeping something from him.
…. He had never looked at him like that… He'd looked at Droid like he was the whole reason he was breathing and trying to survive..
Bidding a silent farewell to the others, Droid stretches, having finished his dinner, and now getting ready to lay down for bed. The day had just… disappeared again.
He knows deep down, there's a key piece of the puzzle missing. He just needs to find it, cherish it.
He hasn't even gotten into bed when he hears him again, making his heart clench painfully at how… not tired he seemed now.
“I am the one who knows you…”
The voice is quiet, as if it's scared it will make Droid flee again. Like Droid would choose that again.
He's.. call it curious, but… How well do they know him?
Would they be willing to explain it all, and not hide it?
So while Droid's a little scared, he's mostly tired now. Not in a sleepy way either. He's tired of not knowing. Of not being able to remember.
Of them all hiding something.
But what could he do? He's not going to flee, but…
Droid sucks in a breath, as he just replies quietly. “I am…” before hesitating as he thinks a little harder.
What was HE, to the other?
Droid doesn't remember anymore. He wants to.
It seems to work however, in making the other continue.
The voice hitches a breath in before they continue speaking, voice just as quiet. “I am the one you fear….”
That's true. Droid mostly fears what he doesn't know, and at the moment, he doesn't know why this voice makes his whole body ache so badly. Why does he feel so depressingly weak from it?
He wants to sob, and he doesn't even know why. Droid breathes in, just listening, as memories start being triggered. Memories that he'd not been able to recall until now.
“I am the one who's always been here…”
…
“I'll always be here for you - We're all we've got, r-right?”
“Hey. It's okay to be scared… I'll stick by your side, Droid! You're not alone, remember..? You have me!”
“That's true… What would I do without you, Ma-”
…..
“I've always been here…” Droid repeats in a whisper, closing his eyes as his mind works overtime.
That conversation… A promise….
A vow.
But who was it to? And why?
It's so fucking close! It's on the tip of his tongue. He's almost there. He knows he's close to remembering.
“I am the one who'll heal you…..”
Droid can only hope. He's just not been the same since he's come back.
Time lost, drifting…. His friends are constantly worried. That feeling of guilt, of missing a giant part of himself.
To finally let it all go? To finally figure out what's going on?
The voice sounds… saddened as it speaks next.
“I know they told you.. that I'm not worth a damn…”
…
“Control your employees, Smith…. This is your last warning. We do not have room for worthless collectors. They're not worth our time. Especially that one.” a voice hissed out, tentacle pointing over at-.
The shape in the kiosk shut the door, as the group shuffled back to the ship, Smitty's hand looping around Droid's shoulder, and on the other's arm.
“-tt, Droid… You two need to stop messing around, especially when we're here! Of all fucking places! Seriously! It's honestly childish how you're both acting.” A tired Smitty said, pinching his brow as he breathed out, brows creasing in worry. “I'm sorry guys, but you know what will happen if…”
Droid pouted, looking around, slinging his arm around his other friend, before elbowing the oldest here.
“C'mon… What do you think, Pezzy? It's not that deep! Ma-”
Pezzy jerks away, pointing at them both. “No! It fucking is that serious! What would happen if you guys got into trouble? You'd want us to save you, and then the company would come back and say that's resources better spent elsewhere!” Pezzy says, clutching his hand close.
“Don't put us in that position guys… Please.” Puffer says, a forlorn expression on his face.
Droid turns and looks over at Ma-
…..
That conversation. Someone had been next to him, backing him up the whole time, someone who was just as targeted for being a bit too whimsical.
It was… Wait… Who was it again? They had… they had green eyes.
Rubbing his eyes, he wracked his memories, a soft whine falling from his lips. Why can't he remember?
Shaking his head in frustration, Droid then looks over at the figure standing on the balcony in the moonlight, a blush rising to his cheeks as he gasps.
The figure is stunning enough to take his breath away.
Wait…. It was him.
He's the one he's forgotten about!
The figure turns, green eyes glinting in the light.
“But I know you know who I am….”
Droid's heart jolts in his chest.
He knows… something… he vaguely remembers the feelings from it all…
It's the memories of arms… his arms, wrapped warmly around a man by the fire. Comforting him. Waiting for him to fall asleep. Hoping that he desperately finds peace, gets saved. Gets the rest he deserves.
Of a fight.
Of leaving.
He'd thought he'd have escaped! That someone had found him, saved him… Just like they'd saved Droid!
But if he's right here… that…
That means the opposite. That can't be true. He's actually not at peace at all, because he's instead stuck HERE.
He didn't deserve that.
Maybe he's just delusional? Maybe his mind has given up? Maybe he's just losing it?
So he stares into the green eyes, and denies the accusation. After all, he's not really here.
“No…” Droid says weakly, looking away from the figure who simply steps closer, eyes almost glowing brighter with the light as he frowns.
“I know you know who I am.” he says more firmly, taking another step closer.
“Can't you just leave me alone?” Droid replies just as weakly as before, quickly sliding off his bed, taking a step back towards the door, as the other steps even closer.
“I know you know who I am.” The figure says again, as something in Droid's brain finally shatters, and then the barrier breaks, and all of a sudden his memories are free.
“Why didn't you go with them?” Droid suddenly chokes on a sob, his hand coming to his mouth as the repressed memories start immediately hurting him. “Why did you have to follow me? Why did you do that? You would have been safe if you stayed on the ship.. Why did you go…? I could have gotten the stuff alone! You wouldn't have gotten stranded!”
Matt just stares back at him, his eyes crinkled in that sympathetic way he reserved mostly for Droid, as he stands right in front of the younger. “Because, I'm holding on…” he says, voice getting quieter as he loops his pale arms around Droid, who immediately flails, panicking.
Matt is cold. Matt’s body isn't solid either. It's like jelly, squishy.
Matt never left that planet.
“Let me go!” Droid sobs, covering his mouth again, the coolness from Matt's hands touching his arms, his face, only making him more hysterical.
“And I won't let go!” Matt says, smiling, tears in his own eyes as he looks up at Droid.
“Please… Let me go…” Droid said, his voice quieter as Matt stepped back, a worried expression on his face.
“I just want you to know…” Matt says, as Droid shakes his head, clutching his ears, pulling at the soft fur on them.
“You… don't…know…” he cuts himself off. There's one more bit he knows… If he remembers it, it's going to hurt.
He's too scared.
Matt just steps back closer, making Droid's eyes lock to the sight of movement. “I am the one who held you.”
….
“The ship's gone! What the fuck are we going to do? No.. no no… Matt? Matt? I-”
“I'm here, Droid. Come here… Bring it in… I got you.”
“What are we going to do?”
“We're going to survive long enough for them to come back.. Okay?”
“O-Okay…”
…
Droid stared back at Matt who continued.
“I am the one who cried.”
….
“We’re not getting out of here…. I’m—I’m not getting out of here.”
“...”
“I know you’re mad. Angry and frustrated. The want to leave is overwhelming. I get it….I feel like I’m in limbo already. So what difference does it make if I….”
“So what? You're just giving up? Fuck you Matt.”
“Droid… It's not that I want to… I'm… I'm so fucking tired… My whole body hurts… I've always been weaker than you-”
“No. We're not fucking doing this again. I am not sticking around to watch you put yourself down. You're strong enough to make it and so am I.”
“Droid… Please… Just stay with me… one more night. I don't think I'm going to-”
“You will. Okay? Stop saying that! Fuck you.”
“Droid? Droid? Where are you going? Come back… Please!” *sniffle*
“I won't have to see you pull this dumb shit if I'm not here.”
*hic* “I'm sorry… Please… Just come back…” *sob*
….
And then…
The last time he'd seen Matt. He-
Droid looked back at him, his heart clenching as the last barricade drops, and he remembers what he had seen. “I am the one who watched while you died.”
….
“That's not Matt anymore.”
Droid's confused by that. It's clearly Matt! He's crying, begging for them to help him.
“Guys… Let me just. Let me help him to his feet. He just needs a hand.”
Smitty and John exchanged a grimace, as Pezzy gently guided him back into the ship.
A screeching noise rang out, making Droid's eyes widen. He broke free, running back to the ships front, and froze, eyes widening as Smitty, Grizzy and Yumi all fired their shotguns at Matt.
Static started filling the air as Droid screamed.
They tried talking to him in the aftermath.
His friends… Matt had… they said he needed to be put down. To spare him the suffering.
But why did he look so human, laying there on the ground, his arm reaching for Droid?
Droid flinches so much when any of them come near him, his paranoia builds until he passes out, coming to and forgetting the events of the last month…
Forgetting Matt.
…
They'd….
Droid swallows, eyes wet as Matt continues. “I am the one who loved you.” Matt admits, hand holding Droid's cheek, shy smile on his face. “But… I just wanted you to be safe… To get what you wished for… To be rescued… I knew I would hold you back… I was never going to make it… Not with my injuries.” He said quietly, as the guilt struck Droid yet again, as he shakes his head in denial.
“I left you… I abandoned you, all to try and give you some hope, to make you fight… I tried pretending that I don't give a damn…” Droid admitted, tears rolling down his face as his hand covered Matt's own. “I… I forgot all about you.. I… I had to… It just hurt so bad… I failed you..”
“You never failed me Droid… You've always known who I am..” the ghost said, a forlorn smile on his face as he watched the younger.
Droid sobbed, loud and sharp, before dropping to his knees, his arm reaching out, “Matt…? Matt, you're really here?”
The ghost nodded, smiling as a tear dripped down his own face. “Hey… Droid…”