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I ──
When I saw most of the leaves already gone as the wind blew more roughly, I knew that that winter was right around the corner. Which meant that the holidays were coming up, such as the new year.
It was almost noon when the last rays of light fell through the leaves of the trees that never died, even the birds and other fauna went utterly silent, there was nobody in this house who could accompany me. Except him.
“Winter! Sure it’s the best season for a crow to snuggle with their mate” a cheerful yet familiar voice said as two arms embraced me from behind that my body already knew from whom these tactics belonged. “How are you feeling, my dear?” His voice is always so enthusiastic and his hands so gentle towards me but even after all this time, I always felt an invisible barrier between us…
“Good afternoon to you as well, Dire.” After his dramatic greeting with devotion and a welcoming kiss which he had been so eager to receive, he finally rested his chin on top of my head. “How was your day?”
“Ah… every year the new students are more rambunctious than before, but at least I’m finally with you, my dove!”
“It sounds that they are worse troublemakers than the guys of my promotion” I joked in resemblance to my former friends.
“Goodness me! If they were, the college would be in a Pandemonium!”
Many years have passed since the encounter with the Dark Mirror and now, after giving up the chances to return home, my life and myself became part of this twisted land.
And who could guess that the man that welcomed me in this fantasy realm would become my only hope to survive here?
“You don’t exist in this world I’m afraid, it would be difficult to start from scratch again… but worry not, since you can stay with me, I’m so kind after all!”
At the beginning, our relationship was contractual - similar to the one in Night Raven College -. Not so long after the incident that changed our lives, I moved on with you and stayed in a remote but cozy home that you mentioned before. And since you had to attend to other matters in that turbulent time, I was mostly alone, it gave time to think and be actively acclimated to this new lifestyle - so similar when I lived in Ramshackle -.
And when you returned, the few interactions between us were my comfort — our conversations ease my thoughts, your embrace at night soothed the pain go away for my sleep, but mostly, the way that you smiled at me, so kindly and attentively —, warmed my broken heart. Perhaps the harmonious atmosphere that was built over the course of time united us even more and developed in a… fondness until what it is today.
How did it start this new affection? It’s weird that I can’t remember at all… Could it be the ring that was engraved in my finger many years ago? After all, the time spended together changed my view on things and as well in people, mostly you, gaining a place in my heart and the day that you persuaded me for marriage I didn't hesitate, I felt it was a piece that complemented my world.
Even if this wasn’t the kind of life that I expected, I couldn’t complain. I formed a home in NRC, everything had evolved due my decisions, and you never interrupted my path and choices.
… Right?
“Will you tell your kind and gracious husband what troubles you, my dear?”
As always, you’re always too perceptive
I never understood why at that time — when I was still a student — you were so indifferent towards me and Grim, always avoiding us yet dumping extra work to cover students negligence, ignoring my frantic emergency calls or requests knowing the struggles we had with Grim. I wasn’t sure if that was due to my impatience asking for help to return to my world — which you always seemed displeased by every time that I brought up the subject — and I supposed that my friend’s shenanigans didn’t help as well.
“… I’m just a little tired, that’s all” and truth to be told, these past days have made me unusually exhausted.
His gaze evaluated me as if checking the truth of my words but quickly his usual smile returned as if nothing happened.
“Sure you must be tired to carry on our little brood. Worry not dear, let me assist you.” A hand rested on top of my waist, as he looked with a slight hint of fondness to it.
“Let’a rest on the room, shall we?”
Gently, he offered his arm for support in a gentleman manner towards our shared room. As we walked on the corridors that I memorized to the end, I couldn’t help but feel that they are more enclosed. Perhaps I haven’t been outside so much? Unless the garden counts, still, I think I’m being nostalgic for the limitations that I had unlike before, where I could spend time in the homelands of my friends, meeting new faces but mostly building happy memories with everyone.
How ironic, I explored and shared more memories in Twisted Wonderland than my own planet, and still, the emptiness on both just reminded me of my insignificance on them.
I didn’t notice at which moment we arrived at the room until I felt my back pressed against the soft sheets, nor did I expect you to lean over me, closing any distance between us.
“Crowley…”
“I can tell that your mind is somewhere else, as your beloved husband, I must ease your worries” Your claws carefully caressed my cheek and jawline.
“I…”
“It’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it now. We can do it later, besides…” removing his tie with expectation, he started to encircle his claws on my inner thighs, the cold metal made me shiver all the time.
“I need to fertilize our brood with enough magic, to make sure that our little chicks are healthy, you know!” He said more merrily as he discarded more clothes.
“Again? Wasn’t that already done?”
“Oh? Don’t you want me anymore?” As he removed his mask I looked away, his intense gaze still was too much for me. Even after many years it was rare for him to show his bright eyesight, not to mention the intensity of that gaze.
“It’s not that, I—“ before I could explain his lips were already silencing mine as hands sneaked up to a deeper point that you knew so well. “Please my dear, let me devote myself to you…” and again, my protests went deaf. Why must you avoid my words with luscious actions? But at the end, who am I to complain when I always fall into your antics.
“My dove, my love…”
Sweet touches and kisses represented an oath that engraved my ties with this world and you. And when they dim as the night went on, the moon shone at its highest. Even though the warmth and the serenity silenced my words a long time ago, the night was the coldest of all. His body couldn't provide warmth and it’s not even winter yet… I just hope for the sun to arrive soon.
II ──
I wonder… How much time has passed since I’ve been here?
It has been a long time since that fateful day.
When the mirror shattered in thousands of pieces and the core flame extinguished I knew that everything was over.
The overblots, the chance to return to my world being guided by Mickey but mostly…
My connection with Grim.
At that time, I was devastated, empty.. I really wanted to die. That turbulent time, you always hugged me as I cried uncontrollably. It was always you, only you. As if the world has vanished… and only you were the only one left.
After taking the hand of the devil he offered me a warm smile that later evolved into the gentle embrace of a lover. At your side I thought that I was going to eventually overcome all the pain - for the grievance between my friends, for losing Grim who I love deeply, for my hope to return to my home that wasn`t there –.
But now I feel so lonely…
How… How did I end up like this?
Why can't I remember at all?
Could it be the fact that I’m completely alone from anyone else since my awakening in this world?
After all, my friends were mortal, so eventually they are already resting and even the fae, like Malleus, had evolved in their lives and yet - somehow - I’m still the same as when I stepped out from that coffin at the ceremonial hall.
After the incident, my friends wanted me to stay with them, they were always attentive to Grim and me. I really appreciated and loved them so much for that, even if they were taciturn to admit their true feelings. But I rejected them, I was already in a bad state, and they - so young and full of life – didn't need someone who could outweigh them with our shared mourning. And that’s when I became attached to the person whose obligation back then was to take care of me.
I wonder, if I had chosen differently, what could have happened?
What could have been my life if I was able to return? My family would have been overjoyed to know that I wasn’t missing, my friends as well. What couldn’t have been done if I returned? The possibilities were endless.
But even if I wasn't… Would I be able to have a normal job to maintain myself and Grim? Would I have traveled to other lands along with Ace, Deuce and the others? Or would I have made a family.. with someone else?
It’s something that I will never know. But I sure that in any case, I would have loved to have Grim at my side, as I overcome this world.
I woke up as tears pampered my face, still, I haven't forgotten him but the sensation of a home, I can't even remember how it felt… Wiping my tears as discreetly as possible; I didn't want to give explanations, especially him. And speaking of him, I turned to his side, seeing him loosen his arms around me a little – he has always been clingy since we got together –.
Sometimes, when we share this bed and I see you rest peacefully, I wonder if you, the man who now takes my hand with such gentleness, is really the same as the one who kept all his secrets under that mask of coolness in my first years as a student in this world.
I still can’t comprehend you. And I don’t think I’ll.
Why are you such a complicated man?
III ──
Spring was right at the corner, and even if he was a little reluctant to return for work – something so usual – but with little patience she managed to convince him.
“But what if our nestlings are ready…” He pouted, he really was stubborn when dismissing his obligations was on the topic.
“Come on, you have to give your entry speech”.
“I'm starting to think about long vacations… After all, our brood will hatch soon and I want to be more with you!”
A chill went through her spine, but quickly she managed to remain calm as always. “True, but come one, at least go this last time. Who knows, maybe something interesting could happen at the Entry Ceremony…” She slightly chuckles remembering her story. Strangely, this time he didn't respond.
After he was gone, I was alone again rooming in the house, even if it was for only the two of us, it was always so big enough to take my time to explore it to the fullest. I was grateful that everything was clean thanks to your magic (at least both of us didn't like doing the chores of the house).
As I looked around, I was greeted with the biggest mirror in the hall – similar to the Dark Mirror in NRC –, every time that I looked at the reflection I couldn't help but touch its surface.
How many years have I looked the same? 50 or 200?
At this point it didn't matter, since her face remained the same but the light in her eyes had vanished a long time ago. Not to mention the new changes that her body was having due the life that she was carrying inside. What an uneasy feeling, so similar yet so distant on her own (she couldn't recognize herself anymore).
Unconformable, she roomed, there was her own space but she wasn’t in the mood to rely on her hobbies. She spotted his office, although she didn’t like to room on it, mostly for his privacy but he never denied her entry. And since he wasn't around…
She explored his office, not so different from the one in NRC if she remembered correctly, everything was so well organized and uniformed until she saw something that caught her attention: The Ghost Camera. A little smile formed in her lips, since it brought back her old memories as a student, in her hands, she admired that it was still in good condition - she wondered if her friends kept all the photos that she gave them.
Why would he have to hide it?
As she checked the condition of the camera something caught her eyes, on the scaffolding, she could see a hidden drawer. Curiosity killed the cat they said, and when she opened a collection of photos stacked, a new wave of realization struck her down.
Since when…?
Digging in the drawer where other documents rested, she found photos, but only of herself – a little taken back since she didn't remember giving THAT amount of photos to Crowley back then…– but a photo with Grim was the one that she took.
Oh, Grim… I really miss you. I wonder, what would you think about my whole situation? Probably you would complain about my choices in that ruthless manner of yours. Unlike me, you never hold back your feelings and thoughts…
At the back, there was a text with a wobbly but distinguished handwriting that read “I hope that we can meet again, hechtman.” And when the tears started to accumulate in her eyes a deep voice ringed in her ears.
“But if we can´t, then I want you to know everything.” Was that Grim´s voice…? Before she could react, a blue fire encircled her. The photo had a blank space where his portrait should be. A shadow forming the chimera of destruction engulfed the environment but what exalted her the most was the reminiscence of her loved one. Grim was standing in front of her, but how? After all he… then she remembered. The camera…
A fragment of their soul. As he told me back then.
“Remember, and see the truth”.
IV ──
In those visions, she saw everything. Back to her original world, aging as she should have, the smiles and warmth of the family and friends that she couldn't say goodbye to. It felt like a warm light. In another fragment, living in a small cottage with Grim.
This could have been your path.
Yet, your destiny was interrupted.
Everything that could have been but it never was. Taken by him.
The owner of the Dark Mirror
He the chessmaster of all of them,
The choices, the fights….
The sacrifices…
All planned by him.
The paths and decisions that could have been to form her own story, her own choices, ripped and directed to his claws – a one that you couldn't see through –. Every doubt that she felt, he always had the right answer. Never a flaw, never a pause, all calculated – as if he knew everything in advance –.
“You must be tired… let me help you since I’m so kind”
“At my side, you’re going to be safe, aren’t I so gracious?”
“My lovely dove, why must you want to go out? Stay here, it’s more safe for you”
“I’m the only one who can help you after all...”
His words were so soft, almost devoted in love as if all your attention was me, but somehow I couldn’t think of them as sincere or just one of your loveliest lies. In either way I felt happy with you without noticing that you were aware that it would happen long before I was in this world. Every gesture made fulfilled any void but it marked the invisible limits of my world, so he can decide my next move.
The worst of all it wasn’t that he never denied my requests or that he forbade me to do so, it’s just… that he was always right, anything that you said was always the right path. I abandoned all hope to return home and the years passed by; this world embraced me and redone me on its own that I accepted. I didn´t fight, I didn`t do anything…
All his plans up to this point were coldly calculated. Tremblingly, she held her hands towards her stomach, at the same height as she used to carry Grim - her beloved companion-, now holding his clutch. The life that tied up to this world. All of this orchestrated by the greatest villain of all.
A black tear dropped from her face.
It was time to end this.
▅▄▃▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▂▃▄▅
When he noticed the absence of the Ghost Camara he knew that she was going to confront him. As expected.
Even through the passage of time, she, as a prefect, has always managed to handle everything under control, bringing others together, and even if her soul had such a gentle nature, she has always a spirit to achieve freedom. A charming trail that he couldn't help but adore. A life that he loved so much.
A tired sight left behind, as he took the ring that he gave her for their marriage – leave behind as an exchange for the Ghost Camera –. His thumbs caress the engraving and decorations on it. His plan was going smoothly since the day that she chose him and Grim left, although he crafted everything and there was a little bit of chance that she denied him; it was so far from his plan that he ignored that possibility.
After all, the memories built together between the two of them must have had some meaning in her heart, right?
In their first years of marriage, anniversaries became the most memorable ritual, as a little sparkle was back in her eyes, it didn’t matter if they were little gifts or a tranquil time together – nonetheless to say, he was grateful for those times –. On their first anniversary, he remembered that time when she brought him a bouquet of flowers, the ones that she eagerly tended on the mornings in the garden.
He remembered back then watching her. Her existence at that time had something so painfully simple –how she hummed to herself a foreign soft tune, how she looked at him with a gentle smile. He thought that he could preserve those moments, build a world where that light never faded and stayed the same.
As the flowers that she cares for, love could be rooted and with enough tending and devotion, would bloom and become a bright fruit. And what better proof than the flowers that he received today, a demonstration of her love – a statement that she wanted to be with him–. At that tender gesture, eventually evolved into sweeter conclusions.
Between sweet kisses and touches, he softly murmured to her ear “You know what I want?”
“Mmm, more charity funds for your vacations!”
… And even if she was partially right and made him chuckle, he continued his love session, teasing her until she gave him the right answer.
“He-hey! Slow down!” She giggled - mildly annoyed but happy nothing less –.“Stop! What do you want me to say? You are so kind or something like tha–”. Before she could finish, he already sealed everything with a kiss.
“Say that you love me”. He repeated – almost begged – until she finally said the words, right before falling asleep from tiredness.
It was a shame that these sweet gestures were always reserved for him alone. The words were never spoken unless he asked for them; and when she did, it was like given a favor – like the ones that he asked on NRC –. Of course, she wasn’t ungrateful, she had shown her appreciation and fondness through her actions over time, but never with kind words, not on her own.
And even now, as the edges of her mind began to tear, as fragments of truth started to bloom among the lies, he clung to that image. To him, her awakening was just another season—one that would pass, as they always did.
How nostalgic, but he had done so much to have his happy ending for some inconvenience to come and disturb his progress. The students could handle themselves for a while, after all, their predecessors had been bold back in the day– for a reason, they were once friends of his beloved and his precious apples.
V ──
Her mind wasn’t her strongest nor her most stable part of her soul.
And he knew it that too well.
As the visions faded out, deception and sorrow flooded her senses– a storm of emotions clouded her judgment. She thought that her grief had lightened a long time ago, but hearing –sensing– Grim’s voice once more shattered that fragile illusion.
The woman trembled, unmoored in her own mind. The room warped, twisting in countless mirrored versions of itself, reflecting her young but tired face. The body that never grew but its heart still pulsed with a heavy and lingering ache.
In the reflections, she saw all the routes that she could have taken: worlds that always welcomed her, vanishing at her fingertips. And yet, in the center– within the principal mirror coated in a black surface emerged his hand, the one that she blindly took at the beginning –.
He was there, always the same: a gentle demeanor, affable smile looking at her as if expecting her realization, with the quiet satisfaction of a victory for a long time.
“It has been a long time that you waited for my arrival”
His smile didn't say more, just an empty yet cruel true
“This world is my chessboard. As you can see, everything has been controlled” He paused, a dramatic gesture that he had always been fond of but with a subtle tenderness.
“Yourself included, my flower of evilness”
She couldn´t hear him anymore. Her sanity was broken for a long time, now it was becoming dust. She ran, in a way to seek for a lie to deny this cruelty, she searched for an exit but every mirror that she touched, shattered into shards that dissolved into the void. Desperately, she ran into another, and another, but they always fell into nothingness.
Until only the Black Mirror remained– the only untouched piece, whole and quietly waiting for her, as if remarking that it was the only way.
So she understood now, her crumbling conscience couldn't deny it any more. This was the magnitude of her prison, the one that unconsciously accepted long ago, even if she could never change it now.
Trembling with a shaky voice asked, with the answer already known but still, wanted to confirm clinging for this to be a dream. “Everything… was part of your plan?”
The man – she couldn´t know what he was at this point –, didn't say anything and approached steadily to her side “Even though you stole my heart, you didn’t see that. You wanted to go home. Forget about your life in this world, forget me and poor Grim… ”
“Aren’t you the cruel one for betraying me?”
“Your choice would have been a mistake, that's why I corrected, it's part of me as an educator after all”.
The girl, still processing, gathered the courage enough to softly state “…You have been lying to me”.
He didn’t deny nor confirm anything. His claws delicately caressed her jaw just like before, his expression still motionless. “Tell me, if you have met me at first. Would you have loved me unconditionally as I did?”
“…”
Snorting, as he got close the distance for them, as he snapped his fingers, a sleep spell was taking effect on her. How ironic, it seemed that her answer would be the same no matter what future awaited her.
So disappointing indeed.
“You have to rest my dear” He caressed her face with fondness as her eyes closed – resisting the sleep that was crawling –, lifting her swiftly. A gentle peek was placed in her temple.
“I will take care of you, for eternity and beyond”.
VI ──
In the nest - of shining gems and scattered memories-, was resting the singularity of this world, the one that he blinded tied to his own. Smiling, he approached in a lighthearted manner towards her, his claws caressing her face as slumber began to disappear from her dazzling yet empty eyes.
“My beloved, is time to wake up”
Her arms surrounded his neck as he let himself indulge in their quiet acceptance of broken promises and full of lies.
Truly, he really loves good endings.