Chapter Text
Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA and you're failing miserably.
You've been struggling a lot with loneliness. You have friends! And they're some of the most awesome bitchtits friends you think you could've ever had, but they've been scarce and infrequent to speak with due to them having all their own personal lives and other relationships. And while you do feel obscenely desperate to talk to them, you do your best to respect their space so that you don't accidently overstep. So, you find yourself laying uselessly in your hive on the days that you don't work and begrudgingly taking care of yourself, 'cause Karkat does still check up on you.
The only other troll that seems to have as much time as you is none other than your most miraculous bronze motherfuckin' bro TAVROS NITRAM.
You've been talking a lot more recently, about everything and nothing, and playing any games that are affordable for you both and generally having a good time, he's been your streetlight in the cold dark winter. Your knight in shining armor and you were the damsel atop the loneliest tower.
It was nice, spending time with him, always a good time even when it wasn't necessarily hyped up or full of laughs, being on call just for the presence of each other, playing games separately or you'll be watching him play one of his, or texting about obscure questions like why nothing rhymes with orange and falling into a rap battle of "who can actually make it work?". You will admit, most of that is heavily influenced by you, since you'll space out on call high off your ass or text him asking why this or that is the way it is, you're lucky that he humors you rather than leaving you to rot like he rightfully should.
You look at your palm husk and, miraculously, the man of the hour himself is trolling you!
AT: gAMZEE?
<- terminallyCapricious [TC] started pestering adiosToreador [AT] ! ->
TC: hEy TaVvY :o)
AT: hEY GAMZ ]:o)
AT: dO YOU WANNA HANG OUT FOR A BIT? uH. iF YOU'RE AVALIABLE OF COURSE!
he was always so shy to ask for your presence, as if he wasn't one of your only friends right now. You admired him for that, all his consideration like you wouldn't jump at any chance to chat.
TC: HeLl YeAh! WhY wOuLdN't I wAnNa HaNg WiTh My MoSt MiRaCuLoUs MoThErFuCkEr?
TC: WhAt DiD YoU hAvE iN mInD bRoThEr?
AT: oH! uH. wELL I DIDNT REALLY.. tHINK. tHAT FAR.
AT: i GUESS I JUST WANTED TO UH. tALK.. tO YOU?
TC: We CaN AlL Up AnD gEt OuR tAlK oN mOtHeRfUcKeR :o)
AT: oK! cOOL.
AT: uH..
AT: dO YOU WANNA.. vOICE CHAT?
You don't respond to the message, you're so excited that you just hit the call button.
It rings for a little longer than you expect it to and you feel your whimsy drain from your makeup clad face. You were too quick about it, weren't you? You didn't warn him and now you've probably scared him off and he's never going to talk to you again and- oh. He answered.
"Sorry!! Pesterchum was not registering my acceptance of the call so I had to restart it" he says quickly, nervous, oh gog you hope to the messiahs that isn't because of you somehow. You pushed your anxiety down as hard as possible as you responded to him.
"That's no problem Tavbro, I know this technological miracle doesn't really behave itself and shit" you say, snatching your cart from your lounge plank side table, taking a hit off it to try and sooth the anxiety a little bit. "I don't hold it against you Tavvy" you finish while breathing out the smoke, and you feel that gentle numbness curl in your throat before it slowly creeps into your think pan.
"Hehe, well, thanks for understanding Gamz" he says shyly, you can hear the smile in his voice and it makes you swoon a little on the inside.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. You know that you have a huge red crush on this particular troll, right? Like. It's so bad. You're pretty sure he knows, too, but he's never necessarily accepted your (very very intoxicated) admissions of romance. So, you've accepted your place in the friend zone. But that hasn't changed how every time you hear him giggle you feel little hearts radiate off of you.
"So what does a brother wanna talk about, hm?" You ask, changing your position on the bed so that your palmhusk was in front of you as you laid on your stomach, resisting your face against the heel of your palm with the rest of your fingers curled in to cradle your cheek bone, your skin squishing up with the pressure, your ankles locking together and your knees bent up, typical sort of 'I'm a girl talking to my crush on the phone rn' type of pose "Have you been able to get that stray kitty bro into your hive yet? Or are you still trying to get all friendly with it?" You ask, mostly cause you don't really have anything of your own to talk about.
"Oh! Uh, y-yeah actually!" He says, all giddy and shit, he's always so excited to talk about animals. "She's actually a sis, and she's doing well! She had some p-pretty.. uh.. bad f-fleas and it was a bit of a s-struggle to get her all cleaned off.. b-but I did! She's eating wet food and I-I think she's sleeping right now.." he says, earnest and sweet, his voice smooth like butter despite his studder (bars, you should make a secret rap about him with that). You find all your anxiety is out the window and you're simply a puddle of admiration for this sweet motherfucker.
"Oh hell yeah another kitty sis!" You exclaim "Have you told our main kitty sis about that too? I bet she would be thrilled to know" you say as you let your head fall to the bed, your face much closer to your phone with your hand on the other side of it as though you were trying to hold him through the device somehow.
"Uh- n-no I haven't- yet- I s-should though huh?" He asks, and you hear him start to type on his loud keyboard, probably messaging Nepeta.
"Hell yeah you should, motherfucker, she'll be all up and happy to know" you coo, you hope you're not being creepy somehow with how affectionate you're sure your voice is, but the weed that has massaged your brain tells you its ok. You hear Tavros giggle and it reverberates in your pan like an echo in an old, cold, abandoned tunnel.
"I'm sure she will, I-I don't know when she'll respond t-to me though.. I-I think she's having a f-friend date - pale date? - with Equius today.." he hums, and you hum back in acknowledgement. "W-what about you, Gamzee? Anything. Uh, new?" He asks, so sweetly, much like carmel. Like he's stuck in your teeth and he's all you can taste.
"Nothing much on this big mofos end, just the usual, picking up pieces and finding my place in this crazy world" you say, and even though its true it still stings in your blood pusher a bit. when you're not working, you're home alone. And you haven't talked to anyone except Tav outside of moments of "hey, hi. what's going on? ok gtg sorry". And it really feels like you're strung up by a thread, and that you're constantly chasing the end of that string.
"Y-yeah, I feel you" Tavros responds, and it makes you feel a little lighter to hear him relate to you.
You continue talking for some time, and the whole time you're on a cloud, way past cloud nine, though. Joyful to be speaking with your red crush of who knows how long and being so close to him even if it wouldn't be close enough for your aching pusher.
And it all ends far too soon for you.
Tavros politely ends the call when it becomes impossibly late, freaking out a little since he has work in the morning, and you let him go with smooth understanding - of which hopefully doesn't let any of your desperation seep out between the cracks of your very broken mask.
But it doesn't change the loneliness you feel when he's gone, the cold that seeps into your - now slightly more sober, you hadn't taken a hit of your cart in a few hours - bones.
You only need a friend, and you know you have him, sure, but sometimes you wonder.
Will he need you, too?