Location: Oswald State Correctional Facility
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It had been months since Keller had framed Beecher with the drug bust that violated his parole and sent him back to Oz and Toby did his best to avoid him.
Thankfully Keller was stuck in Gen Pop, but he had tried to talk to Beecher in the gym a number of times much to Toby's annoyance. Toby had to force himself not to attack Keller with all his might every time his eyes landed on him. It was because of Chris that he was back in prison and Toby would never be able to forget that.
Luckily for him, Beecher's father hired the best lawyers in the state to argue his parole violation and was blessed with a reduced sentence of just one more year in Oz until another chance at parole and Toby planned on spending that year without any interaction with Keller. So, when he got the news that not only was Keller being shipped back to Em City but was returning to his old spot on the bottom bunk in his pod, Beecher was beside himself. The first night alone in the pod had his heart racing. Chris attempted to explain himself but Toby was going to hear nothing of it. Every word rang hollow and angered him even more.
"Fuck you!", he screamed at Keller. The depth of Toby's rage seemed endless. "All you ever cared about was yourself!"
"Damn straight," Keller shrugged. The nonchalance of the gesture made Beecher's blood boil. "I gotta make the best of the time I have left in this life, Toby, and I want you in it."
Beecher was in Keller's face, his face red and temples pounding. "That wasn't your choice to make!"
Keller didn't back away. He instead took the opportunity to ease himself even closer. "We belong together."
Toby couldn't take the closeness anymore and paced to the other side of the pod, staring out the glass at all the eyes focused only on them. They were the show for the night again. The absurdity of it all hit Toby like a wave. He wasn't supposed to be back in Oz, this was all because of Chris. Chris was the only person Toby had thought might have truly loved him, someone who was able to look into his soul and actually 'get' him...and in the end, Keller ripped that soul straight from his chest. Toby seethed, clenching his fists and trying so hard to not kill Keller with his bare hands, right then and there.
It's not like it would have been the first time they tussled in the dark, but unfortunately for Toby, he wasn't prepared with a shank like that day in the stock room. He turned back to Keller and regarded his posture. Chris was still propped up against the cool, concrete wall in the back of the pod, as if this conversation was like any other late night chit chat. Keller was so deluded, it boggled Toby's mind. After everything Chris had done to Toby, he still thought they would stay together? He had to play this, just to jab the proverbial shank in even deeper.
"Maybe," Toby mused, "maybe, if I hadn't hit rock bottom and killed Kathy Rockwell on her bike, maybe we could have found each other. If only you hadn't robbed that fucking liquor store, we could have had a shot somewhere in this lifetime."
Toby's shoulders began to shake and he couldn't contain his hysteria. He burst out in a maniacal laugh. "Oh, shit, imagine? Fucking imagine that, Chris?," the last letter of his familiar name hissing off the tip of Beecher's tongue. "Imagine us on the outside?" Toby glared. "How fucking ridiculous," he snipped, adding emphasis to the second syllable for maximum effect.
Another shrug from the man seemingly made of ice. "No point in imagining that, right?" Chris mumbled.
There was no besting Keller, Toby knew that, but he also knew how to hit where it hurt, at least with his words. "But you do, don't you? You dream about that all the time, right?" Of course he did, Toby knew they were some of the most painful dreams Chris would ever have to wake from. Every time, the realization that it could never happen, that they could never work in any reality, Toby imagined it jabbed at Chris' heart like a dagger, just like it had for him when it was his time to leave Oz the last time.
Keller didn't say a word and started getting ready for bed.
"Pathetic," Toby spat. The conversation was futile. "Well, I've got news for you, Chris. That ain't gonna happen." Beecher threw his hands up in the air. "Us? We're not going to happen. It's over. We're done."
Chris scrubbed his jaw and shook his head. "No it's not, 'cause I know you love me."
Beecher shook his head even harder. "No. I don't." He heard a huff of disagreement from Keller's lips, and then a slow, condescending click of the tongue.
"You wouldn't have risked your parole if you didn't love me."
How could Toby argue with that? It was true. But it was all so beyond repair, beyond any hope, he knew they were done.
"No more. End of conversation." Beecher quickly rid himself of his clothes and climbed up to the top bunk. "Welcome to the rest of your life, Christopher Keller, the life where the man you love hates you."
There was a moment of silence and then a soft reply from Keller in the bunk below. "Wouldn't be the first time."
Beecher knew it meant something. He knew it was some small part of Keller that he was trying to slowly reveal to Toby, this is what he did to always keep Beecher's interest. At least, that's how it was before. Before, a comment like that would have resulted in a quiet conversation between the two of them late at night, their hushed tones back and forth and the truths revealed within them bonding the two men together.
But not now. Beecher simply didn't care anymore. Sometimes apathy is your best weapon, and for the next 9 months, it would have to serve him well.
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Beecher spent their entire reunion together in Em City avoiding Keller. If Chris entered a room, Toby left it. If Keller sat down to watch "Miss Sally's Schoolyard", Beecher got up and left the quad. Toby couldn't risk the chance of Chris seducing him again, he knew it was a serious possibility. Night after night of silence, all they could do was either read or stare at the other when one wasn't looking. Toby caught Chris watching him in the mirror almost every night, studying him as if Keller were on safari and Toby was the wild animal. Beecher also watched Keller, it was hard not to. His eyes would run down the curves of Keller's back as he stood staring out into the darkness of Em City every night and remember the days when he would have slid down off his bunk and walked over to him just to feel the warmth of his skin.
With Beecher not talking to him, Keller focused more on reading and Toby noticed a lot of the material were law books from the library. Ryan O'Reily had passed along the news to Toby that there was a serious chance Keller could have a portion of his sentence reduced because of recent information he had given to the Feds. It seemed Keller was willing to throw anyone under the bus to get out of Oz. Keller didn’t bat an eyelash when he killed Ronnie Barlog for cooperating with the Feds, and Beecher wouldn’t have been surprised if Keller was giving Spanky blow jobs to gain favor. At first, Toby didn't believe it as even possible until he had his brother, Angus, look into the situation and he confirmed it. The chance of it happening anytime soon were slim so Beecher had to put it out of his mind and focus on his own release.
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The day had finally come for Beecher's discharge from Oswald State Correctional facility and he left without saying a word to Keller. There were no goodbyes, no final embrace. He didn't even see Chris in Em City, although he knew that he was lurking somewhere in the shadows watching. Toby hoped he was hurting and that he would never see Keller's face again.
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The first few years after his release from Oz, Toby spent in practical seclusion venturing out only to go to work. At the time, he wanted a job that required the least amount of effort as possible and ended up working in a law library. He only worked at all because it was a condition of his parole to have a job. If it had been left up to him, Toby would have gladly become a hermit.
He found it the easiest to live in the guest house on his parent’s estate while his children remained in the main house with the older couple. Harrison and Victoria had taken care of the children after Genevieve committed suicide and Toby didn’t want to rush the children into having to live with him, mainly because he doubted his own ability to parent. His mother tried to convince him that it would only take a few months for the transition into a home with Toby, but Toby couldn’t do it. He needed to get his head together, and that was no easy task. He never felt like he had fully "recovered" from life in prison...because really, after Oz, who could?
Even so, the children finally moved in with him and Toby reluctantly decided to get out into the real world. He felt pressure from his parents to date, and he tried. But after his relationship with Chris, he began to question who he was actually looking for. A nagging sense of doubt crept into his mind when he would meet women, worrying that perhaps that wasn’t the path for him. Yet he knew in his heart that he couldn’t possibly have any interest in another man who wasn't Chris.
Toby had a series of bad blind dates with random women, but it was hopeless. Some were one night stands, but those only made him feel even more empty and alone.
After endless disappointments, the fates decide that it was time to try something new and he finally met someone; a woman. He literally bumped into her in a bookstore. They had laughed and she was very outgoing and that helped, because Toby simply didn’t have the energy to lead a relationship. They hit it off from the start but there was just one problem that Toby could tell; her name was Chris.
It was actually Christina, but she used Chris as a nickname. Toby thought that it was so ironic to have met a woman named Chris that he, in his weakened state, took it as a sign. He romanticized that God or Allah (or whoever the hell was out there) was telling him that he needed to put Chris Keller and Oz behind him for good and move on with his life. It was a convenient, but false assumption and he made the final mistake of thinking Christina was the one he was supposed to move on with.
He should have known it was a bad sign when he realized he couldn’t call her Chris. Everyone called her Chris, but he couldn’t. He always called her "honey" or "sweetheart", or some other insipid pet name that she would smile at. The only time he ever called her Chris was when they were having sex. It was then that he could moan the name, calling it out again and again in the throes of passion. All the while it was a different Chris that he was yearning for, but Christina never knew. He had never told her about Chris, and never would. It was his own private memory, and he wanted to keep it that way.
Sufficed to say, Toby’s family had been thrilled when he and Christina announced their engagement. No one was more delighted than his mother though, who welcomed Christina to the family with open arms. Toby could tell that she was just relieved that her eldest son wasn’t a complete failure, and that her grandchildren would now have a mother to raise them. Thankfully, the kids had taken to Christina quickly. Holly was the most tentative however, with faint memories of her own mother making it difficult for her to accept a new one, but she finally came around. Harry had no problem with the new arrangement as he had only been a baby when their mother committed suicide, and barely knew her at all.
After he and Christina married, Toby thought that he was finally happy again...but the feeling didn’t last long at all. They moved into the city, living in a spacious apartment overlooking Central Park but it wasn't his surroundings that made him uncomforable. Toby considered Christina to be a nudge, plain and simple. He quickly grew tired of her nagging and to him, it was like being married to Genevieve all over again. "Don’t you think you should spend more time at home, Toby?" or "Don’t you think you work too much, Toby?" or "Don’t you think you should ease up on the drinking, Toby?"
Yes…he drank. Even after being sent to hell and back, all due to his inability to stop until after way too many martinis, Toby had started drinking again. He laughed at the idea that he wouldn’t once he got out of Oz, because being an ex-con sucked. Alcohol numbed the pain, just like it had before he went to prison…before he had hit and killed Kathy Rockwell…before his life went completely downhill. After he got over the initial shame of falling off the wagon, Toby actually welcomed the numb feeling it gave him.
It was like coming home.
Toby was lucky though. His father was supplementing his finances and had managed to get him a better job working as a paralegal, where Toby did grunt work for other lawyers. After being a lawyer himself, it was humiliating. Because of his sentence, he had been disbarred and couldn’t practice law, and that caustic fact ate at him every single day. Every time he had to research a case that he knew he would have no part in prosecuting, he grew angrier and angrier…so angry that Toby became a cold, bitter man.
Oz had changed Toby forever and he knew he would never be able to fall back into the role of prodigal son and happy husband again. He would often stay out after work, feeling the need to walk the cold gritty streets just to feel some assemblance of normalcy. He'd pause to watch a pickup game in the park, listening to the men grunt and shove each other and remember those sounds from the fights in Oz, except there was no blood being shed. He didn't want to think about Oz, but he couldn't help himself. Toby had kept in touch with Sister Pete via telephone calls and the occasional letter so he wasn't surprised when one afternoon he saw a call coming in on his cell phone from the nun. He answered right away.
"Hello, Sister. What's up?"
"Tobias, I’m afraid I have some bad news."
Toby could only imagine that it was word that after all these years, Keller was finally going to be released. He didn't know how he would deal with that. "Is it about Chris?"
The nun paused and answered quietly. "Yes, it is. I'm very sorry to have to tell you this but Christopher comitted suicide." Toby's ears began to ring and he could barely hear her explanation filled with vague details about a stint in the hole that ended up with Keller on a slab. "Tobias? Are you still there?" Sister Pete was waiting on the other end for Toby to speak but nothing was coming out. "Toby?"
"Yes, I'm still here. Where will he be buried? Potter's Field?" His voice took on a professional tone to cope with the shock.
"No, someone claimed the body and already arranged for a private burial."
"You don't know who? Chris never mentioned much about his family beyond his wives. It was probably Bonnie."
"No, it couldn't have been. I know it wasn't any of his ex-wives because I have called them as well. It must have been a relative he never spoke of, but they're keeping everything pretty tight lipped about it because of the questionable circumstances around the death. Are you going to be all right?" Beecher could hear the concern in the nun's voice.
Toby lied. "Yes, I'll be fine."
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After receiving the news about Keller's death, Beecher didn't know how to feel. He felt emotions piled on top of other emotions; guilt about feeling relief that his final tie to Oz had been severed and that he wouldn't have to be manipulated by Keller ever again, but dispair about the finality of it all. He had made a promise to himself to never go back or seek him out, but deep down in Toby's heart he still ached for just a glance of Keller's face.
He started to see Chris everywhere, in crowds, perhaps a face passing by in a taxi, and it was starting to make Toby feel crazy again. Christina noticed that he was jumpy and asked about it but Toby would tell her it was nothing, he couldn't reveal the truth to her. To have to try and explain his relationship with Keller to her would have been agonzing and he knew she would have not been open to it at all. He pondered dropping the 'Keller-bomb' whenever he decided he finally wanted out of the marriage. Telling her he'd been intimate with another man would have sent her running for the door in no time.
Whenever he'd see someone who reminded him of Chris, Toby would lose all sense of reality. To make matters worse, he began seeking out the doppelgangers in dark seedy bars for anonymous sex. They were always quick fucks that were meaningless to them but if he pretended hard enough, Toby could bring Chris back to life, if only for a moment. He didn't know why the death of Keller had reignited his lust for the man but he knew it was wrong and that it had to stop, but he couldn't help himself.
A late night redezvous with a younger version of Keller had Toby in the bathroom of a club, pissing one last time before they headed back to the copycat's place to have some fun. He was just zipping up when there was a sudden sharp pain on the back of his head and then everything went black.
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"Wh-what the fuck happened?" Toby groaned. He was lying on the ground and touched the back of his head with his hand, hissing in pain. "Shit!"
"Aw, poor baby."
Toby blinked into the darkness. "Who’s there?" He got to one knee and tried to stand up but he swayed and his legs faltered, and a light flashed before his eyes and he went down again. Strong arms reached out to catch him, and he gripped them tightly…in fear and confusion. He felt drunk, but it was the blow to the head that was making him see things this time.
He turned quickly to the man, who seemed to be hesitant to let him go, and breathed in his scent…and he was swiftly shoved back to the ground.
"A guy like you shouldn't be hanging around this side of town," the voice rasped.
Toby felt completely vulnerable and had to think fast. "I live around here!"
"You’re lying," the man whispered.
"No…honestly-"
"Lies." The man laughed quietly, obviously not believing a word of what Toby was saying. "I've been watching you."
Toby didn’t know what more he could say. The fun was over, the game was over. He regretted ever getting into the bar scene again and just wanted to go home and pretend like this never happened. Beecher had no idea what the man lurking in the shadows was going to do to him.
"You haven’t changed," the stranger said quietly.
Toby was dumbstruck. Changed? "Changed from what?"
"Never could lie very well…," the man continued.
Toby opened his eyes as wide as he could, trying to see into the blackness of the large room. "Who are you?"! He heard the footsteps rushing towards him, but was lame to react. "What the hell?!" The man grabbed his shirt collar and dragged him up to his feet.
Hot breath panted across his face. Toby could smell him again, and it was so familiar. He took another deep breath in…and a flood of memories overtook his body. Flashes of grey brick walls…dark, grimy floors…and blood...visions that overwhelmed him until he blacked out again.
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"No…no…"
Toby’s head pounded. He had just had horrible dreams about being back in Oz and couldn’t center himself. He kept his eyes closed tight and desperately tried to think. Where was he? Toby looked up and tried to focus towards a faint, distant light and was about to try and stand up when a shadow towered over him. Frozen in fear, his voice quivered, "Where…where am I?"
"Heaven."
"Wh-what? Heaven?!"
"Yeah. God didn’t have the balls to keep us out."
No, Toby thought...it wasn’t, it couldn’t be...
Lips slammed into his and he felt a tongue deep inside his mouth and nothing had ever tasted that way since…Chris. Toby felt blackness fall over him again, and he quickly faded away.
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Waking up, Toby looked around and began to panic. The man…where was the man?
"You awake?" A light suddenly clicked on, a lone bulb swaying above their heads. "Didn't mean to hit you so hard, you keep passing out on me." Toby jumped nearly a foot as he turned towards the voice and there, leaning up against the wall, was Chris Keller.
"No…NO!" Toby scrambled backwards on the floor. "You’re DEAD!"
Keller winked. "Then maybe you’re dead too. You ever think of that?"
Beecher was convinced he was having another delusion. Chris was dead, Sister Pete told him herself. "You’re not real!"
The man who looked like Chris smiled coyly. "Oh no? I’m not real? This isn’t real?" he asked, lifting the tight sleeve of his t-shirt to reveal the tattoo on his left bicep. Toby sat in stunned silence. "This isn’t real?" he questioned again, as he peeled off his shirt and turned, showing the scar from the attack in the stock room.
Toby had caused that wound. "No! You’re just in my head! FUCK! Or you’re a ghost! Are you here to tell me to stop drinking?! Because I can stop the drinking…really…please…just go away. Let me be crazy in peace!"
"I can’t do that now."
"Why?!"
"You’ve seen too much."
All Toby could see at the moment was Keller standing there shirtless before him and the uncontrollable feeling of pure lust that he desperately tried to quell. Beecher pressed back against the wall and used it to help himself up. "No…you’re not real. This is insane. I’m going-"
"Not real?!" The other man leapt forward and grabbed Toby’s hands, pressing them firmly to his bare chest. "FEEL me…feel my heart beating…feel it! It doesn’t get more real than that!"
Toby was wincing in fear, trying to look away, trying to pull his hands back…but when his soft palms touched the muscled flesh, a current ran right through him and he cried out. "CHRIS!" Toby collapsed, sobbing, and Chris eased him back down to the floor. Toby rocked back and forth, saying his name over and over again. "Chris…Chris…Chris…"
Keller palmed the back of Beecher's neck, running his fingers through the curls that hit the nape. "Toby…shhhhh….Toby…"
In an instant, Beecher recoiled and screamed. "CHRIS!" He lunged for Keller's neck, wrapping his hands tightly around his throat. "You fucked up my parole!"
Chris fought back with all his might, clearly not in an attempt to hurt Toby but to subdue him. He threw Toby down to the floor and grasped for his own throat, choking in air as he yelled, "I did it for you, Toby!"
Toby's chest began to ache and he felt years of tears welling up inside him. "For me?!," he cried out in reply. "Lies!"
Keller fell to his knees and grabbed Toby's wrists. "Will you just listen to me?! I had to set it up for you to get busted so the cops would be able to investigate the dealer!"
"But why ME?" Toby's glare was intense. "You could have set anyone up, why me?" Toby knew the answer before he even asked the question, Keller had wanted him back in Oz with him to ride out the end of his sentence and then they'd both be eventually released and ride off into the sunset, at least in Keller's fantasy.
Chris huffed a little and smiled sadly. "I would have thought that was fairly obvious."
Toby shook his head. "You're so fucked up!"
"You don't understand, Toby. It was the only way I could think of to get the Feds into the fold, and once they were in it was only a matter of time before the dealers starting falling like dominoes. That was the goal, if I could give them enough to take down the empire, I had a virtual 'get out of jail free' card. It took a while but it finally went down and I served a fraction of my sentence until the Feds faked my death and then stuck me into the witness protection program, no one at Oz knew."
It all sounded so far-fetched and Toby still doubted the story, even with the report from Sister Pete of Keller's demise. "Taylor would have never given you so much."
"He had to, there was new evidence of other DNA on more than one of the murders they pinned on me and even more questionable eyewitness testimony coming out. The only way for Spanky to save face was to get rid of me, and I was more than happy to play possum for a while."
They sat there on the ground, staring at the other for a long time. Beecher studied Keller's face, it had been so long since he had last seen it. Chris looked a little worn, but no worse for wear and Toby could still feel the longing deep inside wanting to reach out and touch him. "So now what?"
Keller shrugged. "Now you and I can live happily ever after."
Beecher shook his head. "I doubt it."
"Well, it's not like you have a choice."
Toby didn't know what to make of that. "What do you mean? Are you planning on kidnapping me?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?!"
"Well, I gotta get out of town and it's not so much kidnapping if you want to be with me."
"I have a choice in that!"
Chris raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Are you happy? Are you where you want to be?" Keller was asking him to follow his heart. "Are you with who you want to be with? What's your wife's name again...Chris?"
Toby's stomach sank. "You have been watching me, leave my family out of this."
"Oh cut the shit, Toby, I know you can't stand her and I know you think your kids are better off with your parents and Angus. Yeah, I've been watching you ever since I got out. I'm supposed to be shipped out of state but you know me, I go where I want to go."
"Aren't you afraid of being seen? Won't the Feds take you in if they catch you so close to the 'scene of the crime', so to speak?"
Keller laughed. "What the fuck they gonna do, resurrect me?"
Beecher wrung his hands in dispair. "We'd never make it as a couple, Chris! What we had in Oz doesn't translate out here in the real world."
"You don't think so?" Keller slid over to Toby and cupped his cheek with his strong hand. "I love you, Toby. Everything I did was for you, for us to be together."
Beecher melted into the touch. "It won't work. This is crazy."
"You're crazy."
Toby smiled for the first time. "I know."
Keller stood up and reached out to him. "Let's go, Toby. We can try."
The moment of truth had come. Toby stared at Keller's outstretched hands, so strong and inviting, and made his decision. Blood had been shed, bones had been shattered…but Toby’s broken heart hurt far worse than any injury those two hands could muster.
"I can't."
Keller pulled away and slipped back into his shirt. He loomed large over Toby and smiled. "You can't now, but guess what? Time is actually on my side. I plan on making the most of my release, I'm gonna live 10 lifetimes over, Toby, and I know you'll come around." With one last kiss, his lips lingered on Toby's for a moment and then Keller disappeared into the darkness. The last words Toby heard him utter echoed in his mind. "'Cause if you don't, I will."
Toby knew Chris would be back. He didn't know for how long Keller would disappear, but he knew he'd see him again. After the ups and down from his time in Oz, Toby had been served his final sentence: life under Keller's watch, with no chance of parole.
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~fin~