Chapter Text
It’s been five days since Karkat left. You are currently lying on your couch staring at the front door. Five days ago the two of you had a fight and he got mad and left. Taking a drive always used to calm him down... then he would come home and that would be the end of it. You feel more silent tears falling onto the pillow beneath your head. It’s been five days since you last saw Karkat as he walked out that door...
And now he wasn’t ever coming back.
Dave is sitting in the armchair across the room pretending that he isn’t watching you, which you know he is. Ever since you got the initial call from the police your friends have been over. You’re glad they are. Despite the fact that you want to be alone, the thought of quiet and the grumbles that used to fill it makes you feel sick. It’s comforting to know that they care, but it doesn’t bring Karkat back.
It’s been five days since you got the call from the police. Five days since they told you Karkat was dead.
His grey car had been dredged out of the river on the north side of town. Two bodies inside. Two. Karkat had been alone when he left. The police said it was a woman in the passenger's seat, a troll. Who was she? Had you been so much of a pain that you pushed karkat into another woman's arms... not that you were a lady by any definition of the word. But the thought that you drove your gay lover into the arms of a woman it made you feel worse than hated; worse than his anger. It made you feel inferior. Like he prefered to be with someone, anyone, other than you.
As you lay lost in your thoughts you can hear a very irritated Jade walk into the room, an obnoxious ringing accompanying her presence.
“John, the police told you to keep your phone with you at all times. What was it doing in the kitchen?”
“I don’t know. Sorry.”
She pushes the cell into your hand and it continues ring for another second, before going silent. You don’t want to look at it. Dave gives you an official glance from his chair, no longer pretending to not be paying attention.
“John,” you notice he has his ipad mini. “You should call back.”
You sort of just stare back. What was the point? You already knew how this conversation was going to go. It would just make everything from over the past week real.
“Really. That was the hospital.” Dave subtly reaches into his left pocket- the one where he keeps his keys.
“How do you kno-” you look at his Ipad again, “You hacked my phone?”
You should be outraged, but you don’t really care. You can’t muster the energy to be upset.
The phone in your hand starts ringing again. You feel sick. Somehow you don’t think you’ll survive having to see him- lying dead on a cold metal slab in the creepy basement of the hospital. You stare at the screen on your phone unable to answer. Jade places a reassuring hand on your shoulder and helps you sit up.
“You’ll be ok john. It’s just a phone call.”
You nod and finally manage to hit the “accept call” icon.
“Hello? This is John Egbert.”
A hoarse choke comes out in greeting. The person on the other side must have accidently coughed but for some reason, you agreed with the noise. It vocalized exactly how you felt right now. The line was silent for a long while. Had you lost connection?
“Um, Hello? Are you still there?”
“I- I’m” The gruff guy cleared his throat, clearly having trouble. “J-John... I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” There was a squeak noise. You could hear muffled sobs. “I- I can’t... fuck.”
The phone falls from your hand, hitting your leg before landing on the ground. Dave and Jade are instantly at your sides. Shock must be written across your face. They both seem to be saying things at the same time. All that makes it through your ringing ears is the sound of the voice on the phone... it was his voice.
“Kar...kat? That’s not possible...”
Somehow the phone makes it’s way back into your hand.
“Karkat?” You whisper back into the phone. “Is that really you?”
There’s no way it could be. Karkat was dead. Drowned at the bottom of a river and then shipped to the morgue, he couldn’t be on the other end of the call.
“I-I” a hiccup. “Who else would it be dumbass? I’m trying to apologize.”
Tears start streaming down your face, and sobs escape as you try to focus on breathing.
“I thought you were dead! They told me you died. They found your body! How...?”
You can’t finish the question, you're crying too hard. Jade soothingly rubs circles onto your back and Dave has disappeared, not that you really care... you just noticed he wasn’t next to you anymore.
“What? I just told them my name. How did they know to call you? Wait... they told told you I was dead?”
“They pulled your car out of the Charleston River five days ago Karkat! I’ve been waiting to go and identify the bodies!”
“My car was in a river? So they... you thought that was me.” There was an unmistakable grinding that could only be described as Karkat’s jagged teeth being set into a tight frown.
“Like I knew where you went. You left and then that night they called me and asked if I had any idea where you were... and... and... I didn’t. So they told me they found your car at the bottom of the river. Two troll bodies were found inside. Then... then they said it was you. How the fuck was I supposed to know any different? You were gone... And for the past week I’ve been waiting for the police to tell me to come and get you... to get an ID... He had all of your things! How was I supposed to know?”
“John...” There was a quiet pause... a deep inhale... another heartbeat. “I love you. I’m so sorry and I love you. That’s all that matters right now. Forgive me. I’ve been a real hoofbeast’s ass.”
“What happened to you? Where have you been? Why are you at the hospital?”
“I didn’t... I was... mugged? I didn’t watch where I was going and when I realized I was lost I got out to take a breather and then those fuckers jumped me. They beat the shit out of me. I guess they took my clothes cause the nurses said they found me naked and nameless. Fuck my jacket. That was the jacket you just bought me.”
“Forget the damned jacket! Are you alright? Nothing’s broken is it? What took you so long to call me? Was it amnesia or something?”
You’re talking too fast. You know you are, but you have so many questions and too much emotion.
“No I was... out for a while. Shock. Something about hyperthermia... I have some broken ribs and a huge fucking bruise all up and down my right side but the concussion is pretty much gone. I pissed and everything so I’m a free troll. I just need a ride and some clothes. And my insurance papers.” You hear a wince. “Fuck. Those are in my car.”
Suddenly Dave had reappeared his keys jingling in one hand, and a change of clothes for Karkat in the other. You quickly stand up almost knocking Jade over.
“We’ll be there as soon as we can. Did you keep any copies of your insurance in the safe?”
“No. I never made any copies... argh! FUCK!” A loud clatter noise echoes in your ear.There’s a commotion in the background and you can hear people shuffling.
“Karkat? Karkat?!!?! What’s happening?” At this point the three of you are almost out your front door, Dave is fumbling with the locks as you now cling to Karkat’s clothes. There are faint voices in the background. You hear a groan. “Mister Vantas? Can you hear me?” Another groan. Someone says something directionally, urgent, but you can’t make it out. You hear Karkat’s voice from far away.
“I’m fine. I- John? Tell John I’m fine I- fuck. Sorry.”
You press the phone closer to your ear trying to hear what’s going on? You don’t realize that you’re now yelling into the receiver as well.
“Karkar!!?!? Karkat!??!! Can you hear me? Somebody please tell me what’s happening!” There’s a clacking noise and some scratching.
“Hello? Is this John? Karkat’s matesprit?”
“Yes! Yes, this is John! Can you please tell me what happened? Is Karkat ok? Please tell me he’s ok.”
“He’s fine. He just had a little slip there, we’re making sure he’s alright. Would you like me to wait on the phone with you?”
“Ya, if you could. Were on our way there, it’ll be another twenty minutes though before we get to the hospital.” Your nerves calm a little as the nurse reassures you that Karkat is ok. When your group reached the car, you scramble into the backseat. It’s Daves car and you would rather not have a bunch of eyes on you at the moment.You know they can still see you, but so long as they aren’t blatantly goggling at you. Buckling the seat belt you pat the drivers seat signalling Dave to get the fuck out of here.
“Alright I’ll just talk with you till then. I’m Charlie. Do you have any questions I could help you with?”
“Could you tell me more about what happened? How bad was he when he came in?”
“You want the full version?” She sounded hesitant. “Your matesprit sugar coated it a little.”
“I’ve spent the last week believing he was dead. Nothing they did to him can make this any worse.”
“Well, when he came in he wasn’t conscious, that was the concussion. Both of his false ribs are floating and a few of his lower ones are fractured. He has some bad looking bruises underneath his right armpit that go all the way into his pelvis region as well as some bruising in the groin. The bruising in the groin area is a bit more severe but there is no internal damage aside from bleeding. The most troubling thing is the stab wound above his left pelvis. We’ve been watching it for infection and it’s not life threatening.”
Your hand has been covering your mouth as you whisper muffled gasps and oh-my-gods into your palm. You hope the people who did this are brought to justice... you hope they were the ones who drown in your matesprits car.
“So, he’ll make a full recovery right? I mean one hundred percent back to normal?”
“Yes, he should be fine. It’s going to take him awhile to recover, but he should be back on his feet in a few weeks. Though the ribs could take several months.”
Although you're shocked and disturbed by this whole fiasco, you can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Karkat would be ok. You would get to see him again, hold him again, talk to him again. He wasn’t gone from the world, he wasn’t dead.
“What happened just now? Why did Karkat drop the phone?”
“Oh well, you have a rather clumsy matesprit. He tripped over a chair out in the hall and took a tumble into a monitor.”
“Karkat never was all that coordinated,” You can’t help but chuckle at the thought. “He didn’t hurt himself even worse did he?”
“Let me peek into his room. I’ll just be a moment.”
“Ya ok.”
Then the line went silent again for a short time.
“John? Are you still there?”
“Yes. I’m still here.”
“Okay, he tore his stitches so they’re redoing them but there aren’t many. He’s using a vibrant vocabulary so he seems to be doing well. This is the most he’s talked since he’s been here.”
You smile fondly trying to imagine what kind of vitriol Karkat could be coming up with in his current state. Probably not his most creative swears and a lot of “fucks” thrown in to compensate. Jade turns around in her seat and whispers that you are almost there.
“Ok. We’re just around the corner from the hospital now. Where should we go to get to you guys?”
“The cardiac ICU. It’s on the east wing third floor up. The entire floor. When you get off the central lobby elevators you take an immediate right. The people at the desk will card you in.”
“Thank you so much for your help. I guess I’ll let you get back to your work now.”
“Not at all! I’m glad I could help. Karkat has been a joy around here despite the circumstances. I’m almost sad you’re coming to take him from us.” There’s laughter in her voice.
“I’m sure if he had been awake for more than a few hours you wouldn’t be saying that. But, thanks again. It means a lot. Goodbye Charlie.”
“Good Luck John.” The phone clicks off.
When Dave finally pulls into a parking space you open the door before he even has it in park. And you’re running, sprinting full speed through the parking lot, into the lobby, finally stopping at the elevators. You mash the up button, jogging in place. And then it dawns on you. That nurse had said Karkat was in an ICU... cardiac ICU. You begin to panic. The elevator is taking too long. You quickly scan the room for a stairwell, finding one you bolt towards it. You fly up the stairs, ignoring Jade and Dave’s calls from below. Once you’re at the third floor you burst towards the desk, speaking a mile a minute. All you know is that you need to find Karkat.
“You must be John?”
“YES! Yes I am.”
The young woman smiles at you and gets up from the desk leading you to some double doors. She types a code into an obscure box.
“He’s in room 3018. Make sure to get a pump of hand sanitizer and a jacket before you go in.”
You look at her horrified, eyes widening. She quickly recover with another smile.
“It’s just a precaution.” She motions for you to step inside.
The smell of sterilization hits you with the sound of monitors. The floor is eerily quiet. Slipping on a pastel yellow jacket and lathering a glob of sanitizer on your hands you realize you left Karkat’s clothes in Dave’s car... Oh well, not much you can do about it now. You make your way to the specified room, knocking on the door before hearing muffled welcomes. Cracking open the door and poke your head into the room. A group of people are standing around a grey figure on the bed. You can hear the all too familiar mumbled curses of a disgruntled Karkat.
“That’ll do it, Mr. Vantas.” One of the people say, “Just be a little more careful ok. Having to reapply your stitches isn’t going to help the healing process.”
Karkat nodded with a grunt.
“Am I still going home?”
“Yes. You’re still cleared to be discharged, we just have to finish up some paperwork and try to get ahold of your insurance company. It will be a little while, but you can leave after that.”
“I just wanna go home...” Karkat sniffles in a whiney voice. Your heart clenches. He sounds smaller than he looks, even in that big bed. You should have guessed they’d given him something for the pain- or to stop the cursing. You half-heartedly giggle inspite of yourself. The man you assume to be the doctor turns and gives a smile.
“You must be John Egbert. Karkat’s been talking about you since he woke up. We’ll go ahead and step out. Give you two a moment to catch up.”
With that the doctor and nurses left, leaving you standing on the other side of the room looking at a very bruised, almost naked Karkat.
“John? Oh John! I’ve mishhed you sho much you have no idea!” Karkat held both arms out, demanding an embrace.
You walk over and return the gesture, wrapping your arms around him gently, giggling as a soft purr is emitted from his throat. He smells like hospital.
“God Karkat, what do they have you on? You’re never this cuddly at home.”
He purrs louder in response.
“John,” his pur falters a bit. “I am the luckiest troll on the whole big earth globe thing we’re on. I mished you.” He looks sad. “Everything hurtsh right now but it’sh nothing compared to how much I mished yo-you.” He grunts a little as he squeezes you tighter with alarming strength. You gently pat his arm, trying to get him to loosen up. He does and you sit down on the edge of his bed. You pull away for just long enough to brush some of his shaggy hair off his forehead and plant a kiss between his eyes. Pulling him back into the hug, you realize you’re crying again. Karkat gives you a concerned look.
“I thought you were gone,” you whisper. “I thought I’d never get to do this again. Just hold you- be near you. Karkat I’m so happy you're alright. I’m so sorry about the stupid fight. I don’t even remember what it was about.”
You rub small circles on his back.
“I love you. So damn much it hurts.” You cry gently against him.He nuzzles your shoulder and neck, rubbing you with his horns. it’s so nice that you sigh complacently. It stops abruptly and you look down into carmine eyes.
“John, I’m shorry too. Shorry for the fight, for getting lost, for stopping in the middle of nowhere, for dying... I-I... I’m sho shorry!” He bites his lip, tearing.
“Karkat, you didn’t die... The police thought that other guy was you, but it wasn’t. You’re clearly not dead.” Just to prove your point you kiss him.
“But...” He looks so ashamed. It hurts you too see the guilt on his face. “I did die. I lost blood and they told me it almost took them an hour and I didn’t even fight. I didn’t know- I...” His voice trailed off into an incoherent whisper.
You shoosh him. returning your hand to rubbing his back comfortingly.
“It’s ok Karkat. You’re alright, you’re not dead. It doesn’t matter. You’re not dead.”
“But I left you... I was dead for more than a few minutes. Not just from the blood loss. When I got-” He looked away from you scrunching up his face. “-into my car, I was leaving. I didn’t just go on a drive. I meant to leave. I... I.. if I had died there, that would have been the last thing in my heart John. Breaking off our matespritship.” He didn’t look up and you could feel him trembling.
You hadn’t realized that he meant it this time... but he always means it doesn’t he? And then he comes back and things go back to how they were.
“I... Didn’t know you felt that way...”
Did he still feel that way? Surely not with the way he was acting.
“But you don’t want that now do you?”
He still didn’t look at you. Your heart sank into your stomach. Surely he doesn’t... You find yourself in a sudden, deep, kiss. Deeper in sorrow and passion than Karkat had ever shared with you. So many emotions were pressed into your lips flying over them like fast moving clouds. Karkat didn’t have to say anything out loud. You could hear the word he was screaming, begging, through his grey lips. forgive me.
And you did.
You kissed him back trying your best to convey your love as eloquently as he had, You figured your kiss didn’t compare but Karkat seemed to accept it as forgiveness all the same. His hold on you relaxed and he leaned into you without pulling away. He mumbled something into your lips and you broke the kiss to ask him what he said.
“What was that?” You smile against him.
“I remember what we were fighting about.”
“And?” Your smile fades slightly at the memory, but is quickly put back in it’s place as Karkat kisses you again.
“And I was a coward. I should have just said yes. There’s no point in pushing off the inevitable. Even if it isn’t a troll thing. It’s a you thing and that’s all that should have mattered.”
“What? I’m still lost here. Said yes to what?”
“Yes John. I agree with you. We should get married. Human rings and all.”
The memory of that day comes flooding back to you. You had tried to convince Karkat that marriage was a good thing. A pledge to be loyal, a pledge to love each other. He’d panicked, giving you reasons why it was a stupid thing to do. You had been willing to drop it there, but Karkat was on edge until he finally stormed out. Four hours later the police called. Five days later Karkat called. And now you have your answer.
“Uh... John?” Karkat sounded sleepy. “You still want to right?”
“Yes. Hell yes.”
“And...” he yawned, leaning on you completely. “I don’t have to wear a dress, right? I don’t want to, but I will if that’s how it goes.”
You contemplate the thought, imagining Karkat in a slim white gown. You laugh it off though.
“No, you don’t have to wear a dress. Even if the idea is somewhat appealing.”
“I would wear a dress for you, John. All the dresses...” a bigger yawn. “If that’d make you happy. Soft purring told you he was a gonner, down for the count.
“As enticing as it is, I think I would still rather see you in a nice black tux with bright red trimmings.”
The image in your head is that of a lean young troll, long limbed for his short stature yet somehow proportionate. He’s fidgeting with a flower pinned onto his left breast. It’s a single red rose as red as his blood and the feelings between you. His black hair is as coarse and unruly as ever. He bares his teeth as the thing finally commits it’s last outrage and he gives up shoving it into the pocket instead. The tux fits tightly over the defined muscles of his chest.. Or is it just swollen with defiant pride? Oh hell, You’ll take him either way.
Smiling back at the half dressed troll in your arms you kiss the top of his now drooping head.
“It’s you that makes me happy Karkat.”