Chapter Text
Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way?
- Unhappy Birthday ~ The Smiths.
My heart breaks a little when the alarm clock goes off, and I groan as its shrill rings fill the room. My bed is warm, and I’m still half asleep despite the noise. I have to get up though, so I hit the off switch and slide out from underneath the covers. Opening the curtains, I see it’s still rather dark outside, with grey clouds hovering in the sky. I hate mornings like this. But today is an important day, and I have to get ready.
Johanna stumbles in, clearly hung-over, with one hand clutching the straps of her heels and the other massaging her forehead. She gives me a groan by way of greeting before throwing herself down on her bed and pulling a pillow over her head. We don’t talk much anyway, even when she’s completely sober. Although, thinking back, I’m not entirely sure she’s even been completely sober in the time I’ve known her.
“Good night last night?” I ask. I’m not sure why I bother really, but I feel like at least one of us should make the effort to be friendly. And judging by the “fuck off” I get as a reply; it’s not going to be Johanna. If I had anyone else at all as a roommate, there’s no way I would be ‘the friendly one’. It’s not that I particularly like, or that I want her to like me. I’d just rather not live in total silence for the next three years. Plus, there’s a part of me that enjoys the fact that she probably has a killer headache right now. All the more reason to make conversation.
“Do you want anything?” I ask, just as I’m heading for the door. “I’m going into town quickly”.
It’s a fair distance to the centre of town, just less than a thirty minute walk, but I don’t have a car and on most days I enjoy the journey. Today is a little different, as while I’m walking I can see the sky beginning to darken and I opt to quicken my pace. There’s nothing worse than being rained on early in the morning.
My first stop is the bakery, where I check up on my order for later in the day. The irritatingly cheery blond guy behind the counter smiles when I go in, and greets me with a “Good Morning”. I have to stop myself from glaring at him, so I give a small smile and inquire after my cake order. Who even invented the saying ‘good morning’? In my experience, mornings are never good.
Next stop is the florist. I’ve never been good with plants, despite being named after one. My only knowledge of them consists of which ones are edible or not, one of the many little things my father taught me. I choose a small, simple bouquet of daises. There are bigger, more colourful and extravagant options but I’m satisfied with my choice.
I don’t think Prim will really care which flowers I choose for her anyway. Nor will she really care which cake I picked out from the bakery for her. But it’s her 16th birthday, and I want to make sure it’s special for her. Mine wasn’t. My ‘sweet’ 16th birthday celebrations consisted of a photo album Prim had made for me and a hug from our mother. Not that I mind really. I wouldn’t have wanted a party. Even now, I try to avoid parties and gatherings as often as possible. But I want Prim to have something special.
Outside the florists, a light rain has started up. I pull my hood up around my face and try to use the rest of my coat to shield the flowers from the rain. There’s no point in letting them get ruined before I even make it back to my room. It’s then that it occurs to me that I don’t have any place to put the flowers. I’m pretty sure sitting them in a tooth-brush holder isn’t the best idea. I head into the nearest furniture store and by the time I manage to find a vase that is both non-hideous and reasonably priced it’s around 10 o’clock.
Once safely back inside my building, I pull my phone from my pocket and press the first speed dial. It rings for a while, but Gale eventually answers.
“Hey”
I can hear music and other voices in the background, so he must be with his friends. Apparently it’s just me that likes to avoid socialising.
“Hey, do you remember what tonight is?” I ask, getting into elevator and pressing my floors button.
“Saturday night?” he asks, and I can’t tell if he’s joking or still half asleep because his voice sounds more tired than usual. Before I can ask though, he’s talking again.
“No, I remember. I’ll pick you up around 8, yeah?”
“Please don’t be late” I warn “This is….”
“Important, yeah I know” finished Gale “It’s all you’ve talked about all week.”
“Well what if it was Rory’s 16th? You’d want him to have a good time, wouldn’t you?”
“He will, I’ve already told him I’m going to take him to a strip club”
“That’s sweet” I tell him, getting out the elevator as I do. “I’ll see you at 8 then?”
“Maybe”
“Gale!”
“See you at 8” he says, and I know him well enough to be able to tell he’s smiling by the tone of his voice. Hanging up, I reach my room, but I soon find that it’s hard to open doors when you’ve got a phone in one hand and a bag containing a vase and flowers in the other. I fumble with the handle for a moment before giving up and knocking on the door using my elbow. It takes a few knocks before Johanna answers, wrenching the door open with more strength than should be possible for someone of her size. Seeing that it’s me, she stands aside to let me in before kicking the door shut and leaning against it.
“What time is it?” she asks, still in her dress from last night and with her mascara smudged around her face. I check the hated alarm clock.
“10:45”
“I don’t even remember coming back here” she groans, tugging a jumper out of her closet and pulling it around herself. “I feel like shit”
“You look it” I tell her, not even turning to look at her reaction as I fix the flowers into their new vase.
“Remember Prim’s coming tonight”
“Ughh…what time? I’ll need to move my stuff.
“Her plane comes in at 8:45, and then I’m taking her for dinner so we should be back before 10……where are you going anyway?”
“Finn says I can crash at his place for a bit” says Johanna. She’s looking in the mirror now, and is evidently trying to wipe the panda look from her face. Finnick Odair is the college’s resident man whore. It’s apparently an honour even to have him look at you, let alone sleep with you, but most girls (and even some teachers) on campus have apparently been lucky enough for his affections. Frankly, I don’t get the appeal. I probably would never even have met him if he and Johanna weren’t practically joined at the hip.
“Won’t that hurt his chances with women, if you’re asleep on his floor?” I ask. It's a silly question, because I don't think anything could possible hurt Finnick's chances with women.
“Well he’ll have me, won’t he?” she shrugs, giving up on her makeup and throwing herself back onto mattress. “Besides, who said I’d be sleeping on the floor?”
When it comes to 8 o’clock Johanna and I find ourselves awkwardly standing together on the sidewalk outside our building, me dressed up for dinner with Gale and Prim and her with a large bag containing her things.
I have Prim’s cake tucked under my arm, secured tightly in a pink box with white ribbon. I picked the cake up less than an hour ago. It’s beautifully decorated, with the name ‘Primrose’ written in yellow icing, and small yellow frosting primroses adorning the sides of the cake. Thankfully, cheery blond baker guy wasn’t there. It was one of his brothers, I think. They looked alike anyway. It must be a family business, because everyone I’ve seen behind the counter looks similar in some way.
Just as I’m beginning to get anxious, Gale’s car rounds the corner and pulls to a halt.
“Hey stud” says Johanna, winking at him and I slide into the passenger seat, placing the cake in the back of the car where it shouldn’t have any accidents.
“You know you really shouldn’t stand around on the sidewalk like that Johanna” says Gale, who’s never had much patience for my roommate. “People might think you’re a hooker”.
“Well maybe you should get your wallet out” she smirks, leaning seductively through the open car window and giving us, whether intentionally or not, a generous view of her cleavage.
“I’m good” says Gale, unfazed “I’ve only got about $5 and that’s probably way more than you’re worth”
Johanna opens her mouth to retaliate, but right on cue Finnick Odair round the corner, looking gorgeous and arrogant as ever, and she turns her attention to him instead. Gale drives off before anything else is said. Apparently he also lacks patience with the campus sex god.
Gale and I don’t talk much as we drive to the airport. For us though, that’s normal. After years of being around one another, we no longer feel the need to fill our silences with words. He seems moodier than usual though, and keeps his eyes firmly on the road as he drives. I listen to the radio as the rain begins to pour again. It’s fairly dark outside but I can see the silvery raindrops sliding down the window, only to be swept away by Gale’s squeaky windshield wipers.
My sister throws herself into my arms the moment she see’s me. I’m not really a hugging type person, even when it comes to my mother, but Prim is the exception. She’s grown since the last time I saw her, we’re almost the same height now and I tell her so.
“You’re still prettier” she says and I laugh because of course that isn’t true. With her blonde hair and big, blue eyes Prim is easily the prettiest person in any room. Especially compared to me. We look nothing alike, with her taking after our mother in looks and me looking more like my Dad. I actually look more alike to Gale than I do to my mother and Prim, so much so that people often mistake us for relatives, especially when we were younger and spent almost every minute together. Things are different now I suppose…
Gale wishes Prim a happy birthday and offers to carry her large bag to his car, which is nice of him but he still seems to be in a mood. He checks his watch several times as we walk back to the car, Prim and I with our arms linked as she happily fills me in on everything that’s happened since we last spoke. Our mothers getting better, she says, and she sends her love. I haven’t spoken to mother in about 3 months; I hung up during our last phone call when she begged me to come home. She didn’t like having the family separated, she claims. After I broke the news I was moving out and going to college, she and I didn’t speak for a week. It’s been like this ever since my Dad died, she shuts herself off every time something she doesn’t like happens. Prim says things at home have improved now though. Mom’s been more friendly and talkative; she even goes out sometimes with the other nurses from her hospital. She didn’t even put up a fuss about Prim spending her 16th with me. I’m glad to hear it and make a mental note to myself to call her sometime and try to smooth things over.
When we arrive at the restaurant, Prim and I head in but Gale hangs back.
“You coming?” I ask him, as he leans against the side of his car. Prim hovers outside the building, waiting for us to catch up.
“You go ahead; you should spend sometime with your sister”
“You’re not coming in?”
“I’m not really hungry” he shrugs “Plus there’s somewhere I have to be. Seriously, just go and have a good time”.
This is news to me, because when I first asked him to join us for dinner the other week he was on board with the idea.
“Are you sure?” I question. “The tables booked for 3”
“Yeah” pipes Prim from the doorway “Come and have dinner. I looked it up and this place is meant to have really good pizza”
“Maybe another time” says Gale, opening his car door and checking his watch again “I’ve got to go. I’ll pick you up again in about an hour? Hour and a half?”
“Fine” I say, a little annoyed with this sudden change on plans. “See you th….”
He’s back in his car and driving off before I can even finish my sentence. I turn to Prim, and I’m glad to see she looks just as confused as I do. I shrug, dismissing all thoughts of Gale from my mind.
“So, pizza?”
It turns out Prim’s research was wrong. The restaurant most definitely did not serve good pizza. Still, I was just happy to be with my sister again. Her stories and presence made up for the lack of edible food by a mile. When we’re waiting for the bill, Prim suddenly leans in closer with a smile on her face.
“I forgot to tell you….and I didn’t want to say anything earlier in front of Gale…”
“What?” I ask curiously. It must be something pretty special to have her blushing like this.
“Rory Hawthorne asked me out.” Prim almost whispers, her cheeks flushing an even deeper pink.
“So what did you say?” This isn’t really news to me, Rory’s crush on Prim has been the subject of much entertainment for Gale and I over the years. It seems the only person who didn’t know about it was Prim herself.
“He only asked me yesterday; when he walked me home from school. I told him I’d give him an answer when I got back from visiting you”
“That’s terrible “ I say, in a mock scold “ That poor boy is going to have to wait three days for an answer”.
“I’m going to say yes though” protests Prim, with a giggle “I knew I was going to say yes when he asked me, I just thought I’d run it by you first.
“Why? In case I was interested in Rory?”
“No…in case you’re interested in Gale”
This quickly wipes the smile from my face.
“I’m not” I say seriously.
“You used to be” says Prim quietly as the waitress sets the bill down on the table. “You two used to be like conjoined twins or something. Everyone though you’d end up together.”
“That doesn’t mean I liked him that way…..” I try to protest.
“What happened between you two anyway?” quizzes Prim. “You barely spoke to each other the whole car ride here”
“Nothing happened…..” I say as I examine the bill and take some money out of my pocket.. “$30 dollars for bad pizza? That’s shocking. There’s no way I’m tipping”
Prim just watches me, and I know my attempt at changing the subject hasn’t fooled her. She doesn’t say anything else on the subject though, and I’m grateful.
We stand outside in the dark for about twenty minutes, huddled under the roof of a nearby bus shelter so stay out of the rain, before Gale eventually turns up.
“Did you have a good time?” he asks as we get into the car.
“Yeah, thanks” beams Prim. I’m less friendly.
“Did you have a good time at wherever you were?” I ask. Gale doesn’t look at me when he answers.
“Yeah I guess you could say that”.
We drive in silence for a couple of minutes, the lashing of the rain serving as a soundtrack to our journey. Eventually though, it’s Prim who breaks the silence.
“What’s in this box by the way? I turn and see her pointing to the white box. I’d almost forgotten this surprise.
“Open it” I tell her with a smile, and she does just that.
“You got this for me? Katniss, it’s gorgeous” she exclaims, examining the frosted details.
“I knew you’d like it” I smile.
“You never showed me it” says Gale, breaking his silence. “You’ve talked about it all week too. I’ve got to get a look at this thing.
He turns in his seat to get a quick glance at the cake, he couldn’t have looked away from the road for more than a moment. But a moment was all it took. The screech of the breaks, the sudden sideways jolt of the car. My head was a sudden whirl of dizziness and confusion.
Then it all went black.