Chapter Text
Do it
I shook my head in a negative response, I did not want to do it but I knew it was impossible to win over that voice stuck in my head. That voice that have been screwing with me since I was eight years old. Because of that, I have travelled around different shrinks and mental institutes all because the doctors found my case interesting. Several times, I was as a patient at these institutes just to be observed by them, but every little movement I made was misinterpreted as a dangerous behavior or something very odd. Even if I was just eating…fucking eating, brushing my teeth or just walking around the hallways I could hear the nurses whisper and talking trough their radios “Hey, come here, Malik is doing some weird stuff” but then they retracted with a “Oh never mind, he just serve himself a plate of food…but he did really seem to be talking with himself.” Bullshit.
They could not diagnose me with schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder. Other doctors wanted to diagnose me under a dissociative identity disorder but they could not with either disorder. They said that my voice was a delirium, that is was part of me and it appeared when I didn’t wanted to confront reality it was a mechanism to avoid my world…or it also appeared when I wanted to do things that in a normal state I couldn’t be capable of doing.
In reality, what I really felt was possessed. I felt as if other entity lived in me and that with the passing of the years, we created a parasite-host relationship that was somewhat functional. Of course the first time I mentioned this to a doctor (I feel possessed) he send me right to the hospital and filled my body with medicines.
My voice…the voice was masculine, it did not appeared that frequently but when it did, it was to order me around. Many times, I tried to ignore it, but it did not worked at all. On the opposite, when I tried to ignore it and disobey I got horrible headaches that were accompanied with vomits and finally, passing out for hours. That is when I knew I could not overcome it that I was weaker and I needed to obey. If I obeyed, the voice would leave me alone for days or months.
Let us get out of here, Malik.
That night in particular the voice was very hesitant, I was figuring out the way of escaping the mental institute in Seattle (where I was admitted) to vanish. I had been waiting for weeks to escape, observing the daily routines of the nurses, visualizing a mental map of the exits and entries but most important of all…thinking of how to get rid of the security. By the time I figured it out I had with me a little backpack, so when the opportunity came I could run, run away from that shithole and never come back.
I ran, I ran as fast as I could until my legs couldn’t do it anymore, when I finally felt I was far away I grabbed a cab and went directly to the bus station without even looking where I was going I bought the first ticket available at the moment.
I did not knew how much the trip lasted because I fell asleep in a deep dream, but in that dream for the first time the voice took a bodily form.
-“Tehehe…well hello, Malik.” A voice in the darkness said, his shadow projected over a wall behind him.
-“Who are you?” I replied while I stepped closer to him. The voice stretched his hand to stop me to go further –“Don’t come near.”- he commanded. Then I remember he walked to me and while he was walking the light from the place we where started to reveal his face. He was identical to me.
He was tall and slimmed but with well-formed muscles, his bronzed skin seemed to glow with the light and his lavender eyes seemed angry, making them look more purple. They were adorn with kohl liner as mine. In each arm, he had golden hoops that matched his golden earrings. He had blond hair, but spiked, like reaching the skies. That is why he looked taller than I did. While his hair wanted to touch the skies, mine fell down, below my elbows.
-“It was about time to meet. Do you have any idea where we are going?”- He asked with a twisted smile.
-“No…I just escaped was we planned.”-
-“Mmh…Malik, do we have a place to stay?”- I shook my head in negative, -“I guess I am…we are going to stay in a motel. I hid some money; it should last about a month.”-
-“Ja! Then what? Malik…Malik you did not planned this very well. I thought you were smarter, that’s why I picked you.”
-“Picked me? Doctors say you are MY invention.”
-“YOUR INVETION? Do not make me laugh. Tsk,…I am sure some people do hear voices but those voices don’t have any power. Tell me, the voices others have…can predict the future? I do not think so. Those voices are only the expression of paranoia, the lack of ego or a very foolish and sad attempt to escape reality. However, Malik, I have never told you to run or to suspect from the people around you, you do not need more ego, my little princess…and you have accepted your reality quite well. I just chose to live with you because you are not a stupid person, you know how to obey and trough you I can fulfill my desires, my needs.”-
-“If you are a separate entity…why you look like me?”-
He smiled with malice, -“There would be a time you are going to know why, but don’t get used to explanations. I do not owe you anything. Remember I can see the future but it would be funny or entertaining at all to spill out to you what is going to happen, I want to see how you react. However, I will be merciful. You see, we are going to San Francisco; we are indeed staying in a shithole motel but not for much. You are going to go to a bar that is near; in there you are going to meet a unique man. You will be able to identify him and it would be your mission to appear as an angel, as a fucking angel sent by the Gods so he could let you in his home. Of course you will not tell him you have a demon inside, he will find out later…Oops, I almost forgot, when you get your room you are going to find a little package with white dust inside it. You’ll have to inhale it.”-
-“Cocaine? I know what that is! I don’t…I have never used drugs.”-
-“I know. I know you very well, but I need you wide-awake. Besides, it’s free.” –He laughed with wickedness that send shivers through my spine. –“Your body is so used to fake substances, to medicines, that’s the reason you give up so easily. Your body doesn’t work as others so, that’s why I am giving you that little gift.”- He walked and got closer, leaving a tiny gap between his face and mine. –“I am everywhere; I am not only in your head. I am a God, a darkness God and I can be wherever I want to whenever I desire to. Even if I make you belief you HAVE options, you know you DO NOT have any. You are my slave, a good slave, Malik.”-