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“It’s been three weeks, Luc.”
Diluc let out a groan, massaging his temples. He enjoyed Kaeya’s company, truly, but work needed to be done, and he was falling behind. “These contracts need to be signed. It can’t wait for another day.”
“You said they needed to be sent tomorrow, so they can wait—”
A loud thud resounded from the table as Diluc slammed his hand on its surface and stood up. “Kaeya,” Diluc said, his voice hard. “This needs to be done today.”
“And it’s going to take you all day?” Kaeya asked, a frown on his face.
“No, but I have other matters to attend to.”
“Like what?” There was a beat of silence as tension filled the room. “What could be so important that prevents you from taking a break today?”
“Completing these”—Diluc gestured to the stack of papers—“so that other issues can be taken care of.”
“So you have no intention of taking a break today or tonight.” Kaeya crossed his arms as he glared, knowing that Diluc would push himself until the early hours of dawn.
Diluc’s last thread of restraint snapped. “Yes, and it would be more efficient to get my tasks done without your presence.”
He could see the way the younger man flinched, but he stayed strong. It wasn’t the first time he had to scold him; he needed to be firm. He was the eldest; his word was final. But Kaeya did not retreat; instead, he marched up to the desk and leaned over it.
“I can see the bags under your eyes. You need a break.”
Diluc’s jaw tensed, recalling his sleepless nights in Snezhnaya. The three to four hours he had been getting the last few weeks were a luxury compared to that. “I’ve been through worse.”
“Luc, we’ve been through this. Just because you’ve been through worse doesn’t mean that you should experience it again.”
“I’ll take a break tomorrow.”
“You said that a week ago.”
Diluc let out a sigh as he slumped into his chair. He didn’t have time for this. If the other man was going to stay around, then he could, but Diluc wasn’t going to let it prevent him from working. He reached for the first page on the stack of papers beside him and began to read it.
“Luc.”
A trade proposition from Fontaine, interesting. He had a few networks out that way, but expansion was always a possibility.
“Luc. You can’t ignore me.”
Diluc read further down the contract; his keen eyes singled out some areas that would need to be negotiated. He reached for the pen by his inkwell.
“Diluc. Put the paper down and look at me.”
Diluc froze. The sweet, playful voice that Kaeya normally used was gone, and in its place was the more firm and sharp one of his Dom. Still, Kaeya using a trick like that to override his authority didn’t sit well with him. “Kaeya, not today. Can we do this another time?”
“Look. At. Me.”
He acquiesced, setting down the page and looking up; the concern shining in the other’s starry eye made his heart stop. “Kae…”
“Come with me. Let’s take a break today and get you in comfortable clothes.” Kaeya held out a hand, but Diluc hesitated. His eyes flickered between the welcoming hand and the contract on the table. He knew what his answer should be, the one he had been giving for weeks.
“Please, Firefly.”
His hand darted to Kaeya’s before he could think, and he followed. As he was gently guided around the table and out the door, his mind began to clear. He could feel the firm hold that Kaeya had on him, but it wasn’t as if it hurt him or chained him to the other’s whims; it was the feeling of being secure, of trusting the other to guide him. The list of tasks for the day that was at the forefront of his mind began to dissipate. And finally…
There was nothing.
He could see the winery for the first time in a while. The imperfections on the walls and the creaking of the floorboards as they walked were important now.
Because nothing else was.
It was him and Kaeya, and with the other guiding him, all he needed to do was exist, to experience the world without all of the complexities he was accustomed to.
They entered the bedroom, and Diluc was guided to their vanity.
“Undress, Firefly. I’ll be back with something comfortable to wear.”
Diluc removed his gloves first, letting his hands regain their freedom. Next was his bulky jacket; he folded it neatly over the chair beside him. As he removed the straps of his belt and garter to place them on the vanity, he caught a look at his reflection. The bags under his eyes had sunk in, and with his pale skin he looked like the walking dead. How could he have not seen it before? The dark eyes, frazzled hair, and wrinkles. He was a mess, and without the weight of the world on his shoulders, he could see it.
The closet door closing caught his attention, and he turned to see Kaeya exit with a bundle of clothes in his hands. He had also changed, trading his fancy uniform for a loose blouse and slacks.
“For you,” Kaeya said as he offered the folded clothing.
Diluc accepted the bundle: a blouse too large to be his own, flowy slacks, and soft socks. He removed the rest of his clothes and changed into the ones he was given. The fabric was soft against his skin and smelled faintly of mint and lavender. He pulled it closer, hugging himself. It was cozy, like a comforting hug.
“Firefly, take a seat.” Kaeya pulled out the chair from the vanity and gestured for Diluc to take a seat. Without hesitation, he did so, and as he settled onto the plush cushion, he saw a hand pass his head and reach for a bottle in front of him. There were several beauty products, the majority belonging to Kaeya, but the one that was grabbed was hair oil, specifically for his red curls.
Fingers wound their way into his hair, gently applying the oil all over. Then he could feel them press against his scalp, massaging his head with tender care that made his heart clench. His body eased into the chair, his limbs loose and free of tension. When was the last time his body was free and he could breathe so easily?
He was always spoiled by his loved ones: the people of Mondstadt and even the guests that ventured from afar. And he accepted it all with grace and poise.
But sometimes he wanted to let it all go. To be spoiled without having to maintain his regal disposition. To just sit in a chair and have a lazy day where someone dotes on him and tends to his every need so he could forget about everything.
Just once, he wanted to put himself first.
His life was always serving those around him. In his heart it always would be. Mondstadt, the Abyss, the Fatui, the Winery, the Tavern. All of it.
He could do it. He had been doing so before he even had a vision.
He could push himself.
He—
“There we are.”
Diluc’s eyes fluttered open as he met Kaeya’s gaze through the mirror. There was a gentle smile on Kaeya’s face; it made Diluc’s heart flutter. His hair was full of life, no longer lusterless tangles. Now they swayed as free as he felt. It was hard to believe that Kaeya enjoyed caring for him with such basic tasks, like brushing his hair, but the blue starry eye staring at him melted into a liquid warmth that proved otherwise.
“Feel good?”
His breaths were calm and steady, his thoughts blank. It was just him sitting on the chair with Kaeya by his side. “Yes.”
The smile on Kaeya’s face grew, as if a puppy had just been praised. “How about we go for a walk?”
And a puppy Kaeya was, though a walk did seem nice. “I would like that,” Diluc replied softly.
“You can stand up, Firefly.”
A hand was extended toward him, and Diluc took it, following blindly behind. It didn’t matter where they went. As long as he was with Kaeya, he was safe.
They ventured through the winery and out the front doors. The afternoon sun shone brightly, making the luscious grapevines come to life. It was close to harvesting season. His mind should be reeling with thoughts about their condition, but all he saw… were just grapes. His head was quiet; there was nothing about the quality, their condition, or any abnormalities.
At this moment, they were just fruits: plump, juicy grapes that weighed the vines down and looked delicious.
“Diluc?”
Diluc blinked. They were no longer at the front of the winery but in a secluded area between the grapevines. He looked up at Kaeya, a sharp and inquisitive look on the other’s face.
“I’m admiring the grapes,” Diluc said.
“Only admiring them?” It was said with gentle care, but Diluc could hear the concern and Kaeya’s need to make sure he was still present and not in his head.
“Yes,” Diluc replied, trying to bite back a smile as Kaeya relaxed.
“They’re pretty, aren’t they?” Kaeya asked.
Diluc reached out to a cluster of grapes; he held one between his thumb and index finger.
And he could really see them.
It shone a vibrant purple under the sun, and he could feel how firm it was between his fingers, perfect for a crisp bite.
“They are,” he said softly, with a childlike wonder that he thought he had forgotten, which was torn from him the moment he had lost everything and given up his ambition: his vision. That moment, he had let a piece of himself burn to ashes. But the embers were still there, and with them, the fire to his passion and soul. They were locked deep in his heart, in a place where he couldn’t see so that he could move forward. Even so, the anguish in his heart would still reside there, and so too would a yearning for the part of him that was ripped away.
He blinked owlishly as something was placed at his lips.
“Try one,” Kaeya said softly.
The grape was pushed between his lips, and he bit down. It was crisp, and his tongue was met with a sweet burst of flavors and memories. The sweetness of running through the grapevines, of hiding in places when they should be with their tutors, of sneaking into the wine cellar at night.
“Are you okay, Firefly?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am. Thank you for the grape.”
The sweetness lingered, but then came the tang of a sour aftertaste.
“Firefly…”
“Yes?”
A kiss was pressed to his cheek, followed by a whisper. “Color?”
What was his color? They were swirling in his head. Green blended into yellow, then red, and back to green. The colors in his head blurred like the colors of the vineyard, but the answer was there. He was fine, just expressing his emotions. So it was easy. Green. That was the correct answer. It was—
Sand between his toes as he held a conch shell by his ear to hear the ocean. A firm grip that kept him secure on his first horse ride. A larger hand holding his smaller one as he walked into the Knights of Favonius' Headquarters for the first time. A wooden sword that fell from his grasp as he stumbled onto the grass during a playful spar.
The warm smile and comforting hand on his shoulder.
“I’m so proud of you, my son.”
Home.
His chest seized, his breaths fighting to escape the tight vise his throat had become. Still, he pushed a single word out.
“Red.”
What was home? A building? The winery, right? The halls he walked through, the business he ran, and the people who worked hard to keep it running.
Or was it a low chuckle and the wrinkles framing crimson eyes that looked like his own reflection? Forever absent.
Home was never the same. It would never be the same.
Home was…
His hands dug into the back of the man holding him tight.
Home was with those he loved.
“I’m here, Luc. Let it out.”
With Kaeya.
His sobs were loud as he buried his face into Kaeya’s chest. His tears stained the other’s blouse, and he could feel himself lowered onto the grass. His heart clenched and his body shook as they sank on the ground together.
And he grieved.
For the loss of the boy with golden dreams.
For the loss of his father.
For the loss of trust, he had broken with the love of his life.
For the loss of who he was, who he could have been.
Diluc Ragnvindr. The man who was said to have everything a person could want had finally broken.
There was a kiss pressed to his temple. One arm held him flush in a secure embrace, preventing the pieces of his broken heart from falling out of reach. Kaeya caressed his cheek, wiping away his tears.
It felt like an eternity of grieving. Something he was never taught to do. Something that he had never been prepared for. Something that he locked away, only for it all to surface all at once. He felt so tired. His eyes stung and his face was stained wet with tears.
“I’m sorry,” Diluc murmured, his voice raw and raspy.
A kiss was pressed to his cheek. “There’s no need to be. I’m here. I always have been, and I always will be.”
Always will be.
That’s right. He wasn’t alone. He had a home. He had loved ones. And he may not be the man he wanted to be, but he was loved.
That was enough.
Kaeya settled them until they were lying on the grass, hidden in the grapevines, away from prying eyes. They held each other close.
Diluc closed his eyes, listening to the heartbeat from the man he loved dearly.
Some grapes were sour, but others were sweet.
May their future together be just as sweet.