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It had all started with something Ushio wasn't supposed to see.
Akuta had taken five days off to spend time with his family, since his mother was finally back home and it was a rare occasion for them to be reunited.
Feeling a little lonely, the honey-brown haired guy had started to hang out with the new transfer student Rakua Koishikawa more often, the suspicious, growing clinginess of the latter - ever since Akuta's departure - flying over Ushio's head almost completely.
Koishikawa-senpai was comforting to be around, he had soon realized. He not only never made sarcastic remarks about Ushio's gluttony, but he seemed fascinated by it. He had called it 'cute' more than once, and would sometimes observe the boy eagerly eating dango after dango in one sitting until his stomach was full - and it took many for it to be full.
Surely, his new senpai also had a few quirks Ushio couldn't really understand. The first time they hung out together, back when he had first showed up in school, he had treated him to dango and at some point he had started talking about princes and princesses, and wanting to choose Ushio - choose him for what? -, and calling him his cute gluttonous birdie, and ... He had gotten quite close. Inches away from Ushio's lips.
Ushio wasn't stupid, no, he wasn't, but he had been taken so off guard that he had assumed Rakua was just aiming for the dango he was about to eat.
It took him some extra thinking, later that night, to hypothesize that it was maybe not what the senpai wanted.
Ushio had simply shrugged it off, however. There was no way that's what Koishikawa wanted from him, after all. His first thought was probably the correct one. He was probably aiming for the dango, yeah, because there's no way someone like the newly crowned Prince of Binan High, Rakua Koishikawa, could see anything in someone like Ushio. Unremarkable Ushio, good for nothing but stuffing his mouth and stomach full with food. Just like Akuta always said, just like all his friends always said among laughters.
He didn't resent them for that, though, no ... They were right, and they were just poking harmless fun at him because they were all friends. They were, right?
Even if Rakua kept occasionally getting too close, and seemed to have an unusual liking for observing Ushio eat, with his yellow irises focused on his lips, Ushio just saw it as a little quirk of his.
We all have our weird quirks, right?
Ushio knew that best of all, as the token gluttonous character.
So what was so weird about Rakua seeming more occupied with eating out the view before him than the snack in his hand?
On the fourth day, Ushio decided to invite him over for the evening. He had stacked his room with snacks, free from Akuta's teasings for once, and even asked Unohana-senpai if he could cook some extra proper food to eat later at night with Koishikawa-senpai.
Sousuke had been weirded out by the request, warning him not to eat too much and go to sleep at a reasonable hour, but nonetheless, and despite the frown he gave Rakua, he complied.
And so, Ushio and Koishikawa-senpai had spent a lovely night together, eating snacks and laughing and listening to music. His new senpai was good at persuasion and making you lose track of time, however, and it was already past 11 when he suggested they should eat the food Unohana-senpai had packed for them. It was grilled mackerel, one each, on a rather generous bed of white rice, with Sousuke's secret mix of seasonings on top.
Despite looking delighted, Rakua seemed a much slower eater than Ushio, and while Ushio was almost done with his, Rakua had just messed a little around the mackerel's meat, without opening it apart, and seemed hesitant as he kept eating the rice underneath.
Had Ushio been a sharper observer, he would've probably realized the underlying, carefully hidden frustration that was oozing from Koishikawa, as if there was something he wanted to do, but couldn't allow himself to. it was just there, in the very slight frown of his eyebrows, the barely noticeable clenching of his teeth anytime he was done eating a bit of rice.
«Oops! My bad!»
There was a splash of liquid that Ushio barely noticed, but Rakua's voice managed to make him turn his head from the bowl he was voraciously eating from.
Senpai had accidentally spilled - thankfully lukewarm - green tea all over his kimono robe, and was now subtly arching his back to flaunt his chest in Ushio's direction with his hands supporting him on the floor, as if he wanted to make sure the other boy took full view and understanding of the terrible situation he was in.
«Oh ... Oh!» , admittedly, it took Ushio one extra second to understand compared to Rakua's expectations, but once he did he instantly left his bowl and chopsticks and tug at Rakua's garments, «I'm so sorry, Koishikawa-senpai! Please, uhm, take that off so I can move it to Unohana-senpai's laundry before it dries up!»
Koishikawa smiled, as if expecting those exact words, and nodded a little as he let Ushio help him out of it, putting his long hair to the side as the younger student made his top garments slide out of Rakua's arms and back.
«I-I'll be back in a minute!», Ushio rushed to add, bowing in apology with his arms full of Rakua's clothes, and quickly disappeared behind the sliding door.
... And, upon his unusually quick return - it was rude to make guests wait! And it was his fault if his new senpai got his clothes dirty, because it happened during their sleepover! - Ushio saw something he probably wasn't supposed to see.
Rakua was just where he had left him, with his abdomen right against the table, his pale chest in full view, and-
«Uhm ... Koishikawa-senpai!?»
A look of horror was suddenly painted on Rakua's face as he instantly coughed and covered his mouth.
Ushio looked at his plate.
The mackerel was gone.
And was that a fish tail he had just seen disappearing in Rakua's mouth in one go, with no chewing!?
Koishikawa coughed a couple more times, although it was pretty clear from the sound it made that his throat was far from obstructed, as if the coughing was more out of panic than due to the fact that he had just gulped down an entire fish.
B-Because that's what had just happened, right..?
«Oh! My gluttonous birdie, you were fast!», the long haired guy commented, the little drop of sarcasm falling deaf on Ushio's ears.
«Were you missing me already, perhaps?~» he added, his voice quickly switching to a lower and more controlled tone, almost alluring, although his eyes weren't fully cleared from the shock.
«Koishikawa-senpai ...» Ushio repeated, his face not really showing disgust, but rather confusion with a note of naïve wonder.
«Yes ...?», Rakua encouraged him, feigning an air of nonchalance, one of his hands nervously playing with a strand of his own hair.
«That was ... Did you just- Did you just eat a whole fish in one go?», he asked for confirmation, not really believing his eyes but what else could he do aside from making sure?
«What!? Haha, of course not~ How could I?! That doesn't really sound sophisticated nor fashionable, does it?~», was that a genuine question? Because, if he were to ask Ushio ... «I just divided it into many pieces quickly and--»
«Please, teach me!», Ushio begged, falling to his knees and holding Rakua's hands in his own.
«What?», Rakua felt renewed horror, with perhaps a hint of disgust, but not for any reason he would've expected. He thought he had learned about these stupid guys well enough beforehand, how could such an unexpected thing happen...?
«Please, Koishikawa-senpai!», he repeated, his cheeks a little reddened, «if I- if I learned how to do that ... I could ...»
He paused, as if what he was about to confess was incredibly embarrassing, or something very close to his heart.
Yes, go on, my little birdie, tell me your heart's contents ...
«... Uhm, I could eat a lot more food and in less time», he finally confessed, his face red up to the tip of his ears, unable to meet Rakua's gaze. Possibly regretting being suddenly so honest. It was as if being around Koishikawa-senpai made you naturally prone to unhinged sincerity ...
«I know this is stupid!», he continued, before Rakua could do anything more than register his weird confession, «Akuta and the others ... T-They make fun of me for eating so much but ... But you don't and ... I-I don't know, I felt safe telling you, just now ...»
«But, birdie ...», he replied, absentmindedly, «You're just a human, it's not like you- Uhm, I suppose I could try to teach you if you want!~»
His expression darkened, much to Ushio's blind naivety.
Perhaps it was about time to get revenge from these boys for being forced to put up with their annoying stupidity for the past weeks ...
«R-Really? You would?», the younger guy asked, his eyes a little teary.
«Mhm!~», Rakua nodded, perhaps a little too enthusiastically, and cupped Ushio's cheek, getting so close his warm breath gently hit his rosy lips, «What kind of terrible senpai would I be, if I denied my cute little kouhai birdie who is sooo eager to learn and spread his wings?~»
«Thank you so much! Koishikawa-senp-»
«No ...», Rakua pressed his index finger lightly against Ushio's lips to shut him up, «It's Rakua. Call me Rakua, so I'll know you chose me too ...»
«Rakua ...», Ushio repeated, some kind of warmth he couldn't quite name softly tingling in the depths of his guts, «So- uhm, how do we start?»
«Hmm ...», the long haired guy released him and got away, looking up a little as if lost in deep thought, before looking back at Ushio with eyes that the latter could've sworn had glowed for a split second just then, «Are there any popsicles left?»
«...? Oh- yeah, I think there's some left in our common room! I'll get them in a minute!»
--
When Ushio came back, he found Rakua standing up by the window and staring outside, his actual figure barely visible behind the cascade of his wavy, pale blue hair.
«... Ha, you're back, birdie.», he turned in Ushio's direction, playing with the collar of his clothes, «I changed into my yukata while you were gone, I hope you don't mind.»
Ushio's heart suddenly throbbed, as he realized he had been staring for a little too long, «Of course! I- here's the popsicles! I-I'll change into mine too!»
He proclaimed as he left the popsicles on the table and rushed to a corner of the room, changing into his own yukata.
He wondered if Rakua was looking at him during the process, and then wondered why he would wonder that - there's no way, and it didn't even matter - and why it made his stomach and cheeks feel warmer.
«One would've been enough, I suppose ...», Koishikawa commented, sitting at the table again, holding his head on the palm of one hand almost boringly and checking a popsicle with the other, as if he had rarely seen one in person before.
«I-I'm ready ...» Ushio sat next to Rakua, facing him instead of the table, a determined frown and red cheeks adorning his beautifully unremarkable face.
«Before we start, my gluttonous birdie, I want you to know that I don't expect you to succeed. It is really hard, and I don't really think the throat of humans is built for that ...», he pet Ushio's hair gently, mentally cursing himself for that remark about humans. Damn it, he must be more careful.
«What do you mean, Koishi- uhm, Rakua-senpai? You're a human and you can do it, right? A-And even if I'm nowhere close to your level in any field, I-»
«Shh ...», he got closer again, moving to cup his face with both hands, «Just promise me you'll do your best and that will make me so happy that I chose you, okay?~»
Ushio nodded, Rakua's voice feeling so enticing in his ears, for some reason, that he'd have probably agreed even if he had just confessed to be an alien who came to Earth to enslave humanity.
Haha, what a silly thought. How did that even cross his mind?
«Alright ... Good birdie ...», he hummed under his breath as he slowly took the popsicle out of its bag, a sadistic smile barely visible on the corners of his mouth. He had eyed them a few days before, had caught Narushi eating one. It was the long, tube-like kind.
«Do I have to- uhm, try to slide it far down in my mouth?», Ushio asked, still blushing, only realizing the awkward ambiguity of it all once the words left his mouth.
«Hm?», Rakua tilted his head, the goofy smile suddenly painted on his lips feeling pretty anticlimactic in this situation, «Yes! You're quite smart, aren't you?~»
That definitely sounded sarcastic, but Ushio's brain somehow felt a little foggy, foggy enough for him to ignore the remark.
On the other hand, did Koishikawa-senpai-- did Rakua really think he was smart?
There it was again.
That weird throb in his heart.
--
«Euggh ...»
Nothing but wet sounds were filling the room, along with Ushio's occasional whimpers and coughs as his throat tensed and throbbed around that damn popsicle.
«Just some more, will you, birdie?», Rakua encouraged, his yellow eyes glowing with something that felt dangerously close to immature revenge, or perhaps even sadism, as he twisted his wrist a little and the popsicle shifted in the back of Ushio's mouth, making him gag.
The hold the younger guy had on Rakua's arms tightened, his body trembling a little as tears started forming in the corner of his eyes, almost evaporating on his scorching hot red cheeks.
Rakua hummed, retreating the popsicle until it was just lingering on the tip of Ushio's tongue.
He was so weak, at Rakua's mercy, and if only he wanted, he was sure that stupid human would've gone so far to risk being suffocated for real just to prove his senpai he was good enough.
Not that Rakua cared, no, he surely did not, but it was indeed fascinating how far people would go just to receive some love and praise.
No wonder they chose those bastards to rule over Earth, of all creatures ...
«...», Ushio let it slide out of his mouth entirely, looking down as he needed to catch breath, his panting heavy as he moved a hand to feel at his own throat, «R-Rakua ...»
«Hm?~», he tilted his head, smiling as if he hadn't just made Ushio gag and choke around a popsicle for the past ten minutes. Of course, a human throat wasn't made to handle such things, that's why humans needed to chew food a lot in order to eat it safely ... It's not like you could go against your nature. You are what you are, even when others hate you for it, «Is it too much?»
Ushio looked back at him, called by his voice, and why did he look so gorgeous, as his vision got less blurry and his figure became clear again?
He was still holding the popsicle in his hand, looking down to him as if he owned his life - and he did! That was all Ushio could think about while he was torturing his throat, and somehow that was making his guts burn with a foreign need instead of scaring him away -, like a samurai pondering if the disrespect was great enough to grant him death by his blade.
«You did good for a first time, birdie, it's not-»
«R-Rakua ...», he called him again, and wasn't even sure why. But ... Something about this all was making him feel needy. Needy for touch. For contact. For ... «I think I ...»
«...?»
What was wrong with this guy?
Rakua was feeling merciful.
He had had enough revenge for today. He had, honestly, grown a little tired of this. Perhaps it had sounded more fun in his head.
Plus it's not like he could actually kill him for real, ha, no, he didn't want to do anything like that.
He was just messing around, just torturing one of those annoying boys a little to balance out all the stress they had put him through in the past few weeks, with their silly shenanigans. Stupid humans, how did they constantly act like that? They were so ... So ...
«Do you ... Uhm ...», what was Ushio even supposed to say? He wasn't sure. He just knew this feeling, it's not like he had never felt anything similar before, and it was embarrassing to admit, yes, but Rakua was a boy as well, right? So it shouldn't have been that embarrassing. It's not like Akuta never accidentally caught him in such a state, and he himself has caught Akuta before, and ... And ...
«Hm?», the long haired boy tilted his head again, his bangs falling in a way that almost completely covered one of his eyes, somehow making him look even more alluring and beautiful than before. Then, Ushio saw his gaze fall lower, down his figure. Lips, neck, chest, stomach, and ... «Birdie?»
«Ha- I'm sorry ...», Ushio looked away again, suddenly feeling even more vulnerable as the tent in his lap was no longer concealable. How did that turn him on? M-Maybe it wasn't that, though, maybe it was the fact that it was Rakua of all people doing that to him ...
That was weird.
Rakua stared at it for perhaps a little more than most people would have, pondering things in his mind.
He wasn't stupid, he knew how humans worked. He had, admittedly, spent a long time researching them - for his plans, obviously, why else? They did say you shall know your enemy well before attacking ...
And, having grown pretty comfortable in his disguise, such occurrences weren't completely foreign to Rakua's mind and body, either.
However.
It still confused him how Ushio could have found what he had just done to him arousing.
He was actually trying to torture him for vengeance, then why did it lead to ... That?
Perhaps he hadn't researched humans thoroughly enough.
Or, perhaps his disguise was just that alluring? So much so that he could have humans wrapped around his finger even when he was trying to be cruel instead of actively seeking their blind loyalty?
Why ... Why did that thought make his heart throb?
They'd never love you if they knew!
«Don't. Don't apologize», that voice in his head. It had to shut up. Even if he knew it was right, he wished so badly for it to just stop chasing him everywhere, always finding him beneath every mask and disguise. But, it was right, and so, the performance had to go on, for no one could erase their true nature, yet it could at least be conceived behind pretty lies, «My adorable, gluttonous birdie ... That means you chose me, yes? I'm ... I'm so grateful for it, my heart is starting to race ...»
«B-But you don't have to ... Hmm ...», have to what? How stupid of Ushio, to allude to such a thing. There was no way on Earth someone like Koishikawa-senpai would kneel down to Ushio's kind. Even if he had shown sympathy to him, even if they had seemingly become good friends, Ushio was still Ushio, unremarkable and plain, and Rakua was still Rakua, a beautiful star glittering above his head from light years away. «I can do it myself, so I- I'll just leave!»
«...!?»
Rakua had instinctively held on his arm, preventing him from standing up, and they were now both wearing the same surprised expression on their face, as if it came as unexpectedly from the older boy's part.
«I ... If you want ... I can help.», could he? What the hell was wrong with him? He had seen stuff like that before. He had indeed researched humanity pretty well, after all. And with his true nature ... M-Maybe he could put that into some use? Ha, what a stupid thought. Maybe the manipulation was mutual, after all, maybe he was slowly losing the reins of his own game as he kept forcefully spending time with stupid, inferior creatures like human beings. But he couldn't help finding flattery in Ushio's honest, physical reaction, and it was messing with his head.
«I-If you want.», Ushio repeated, unable to sustain Rakua's gaze any longer. It was clear that situation was affecting him too, and the flushed red on his cheeks contrasted so much against his pale skin that it almost made it glow. He was otherworldly. Ushio felt bad, beneath a layer of youthful egoism, because he almost felt like he had trapped Rakua in this situation, and led him to offer help out of obligation. What else could someone so nice like Rakua do? Maybe Rakua even felt guilty for causing this ... Yet, it was all Ushio's fault!
Rakua slowly and tentatively undid Ushio's yukata, completely lost in his inner world.
Then, he suddenly startled, as if caught by a thought that was louder than the others, and got closer to Ushio's face.
He looked like he was about to say something, mere millimeters away from his face, then decided against it and simply closed the distance between them, his lips pressing against the other's.
«...» Ushio felt Rakua whimpering in the kiss, and it was soon broken, his senpai still very close, as if he waited for him to give another confirmation, as if he wanted to make sure that Ushio was indeed choosing this.
How could Rakua be the insecure one between them?
He always looked so confident, so unreachable despite his flirty disposition.
How could someone like him - the Prince of Binan High, the most popular boy in the school, the one who had made Ushio's whole soul shake in a whirl of foreign desire on their first time out eating dango - suddenly seem so vulnerable, so much in need of confirmations despite usually looking like he had the world on the palm of his hand?
Ushio tentatively reached for the back of his head and caressed him gently once, his hand trailing down from the nape of his neck to his shoulder, following the length of one of his hair strands, and intertwined his fingers with it. Rakua's eyes were looking away with a slightly concerned expression, - God knows what was going on in his mind - and Ushio decided to be bold for once and kissed his lips again.
«...!», Rakua gasped softly in the sudden kiss, reaching out himself to hold onto the collar of Ushio's yukata, kissing back with a weird eagerness that tasted like desperation and sadness.
If only he knew!
He'd push you away, for your kind is filth!
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Their kiss had deepened, Rakua suddenly taking lead, his hot, velvety tongue colliding with Ushio's in a rather inexperienced move.
Not that Ushio would have noticed that, he didn't have much experience either.
...
Wait.
That was his first kiss, actually!
Ushio's cheeks flushed an even deeper shade of red as he realized that, and couldn't hold back the soft moan that escaped his swollen lips, readily collected on the curve of Rakua's.
Rakua let out a soft sound too, and soon enough they had to part to catch breath, their panting filling the silent, unusually hot room.
Rakua was looking away again, some of his hair sticking to his forehead as the temperature grew, his irises a golden sky of mysteries that Ushio could never hope to figure out. His own yukata had loosened a little and more of his chest was showing beneath his collarbone.
Ushio had to have fallen asleep while eating, there was no way any of this was real.
He saw him swallowing down a breath, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down once, then he let out a troubled sigh as if he was trying hard to calm down.
Before he knew, his hand had made its way down to his throbbing, needy crotch - it's not like this was real anyway, right? - and he only snapped out of his trance when the older boy, too, noticed that Ushio was palming himself through the fabric.
«...», Rakua instantly laid down on his elbows, as if acting upon a command.
No.
This wasn't right.
What the hell was wrong with him?
Rakua wasn't supposed to be doing this.
If anything, it should've gone the opposite direction, although Rakua wasn't even sure he'd have liked that.
Surely, he wouldn't have liked it the way Ushio would.
They were in this for entirely different reasons, and Rakua ... Rakua felt like his mind was too foggy to remember his own.
Maybe he was being a little too cruel.
Acting like it was up to humans to decide, acting like he needed humans at all.
Humans were supposed to need him, not the other way around.
So why?
Why did he lay down like that, why was his heart throbbing, why was he feeling loved instead of humiliated?
No, no, no!
He had to get back to business.
Back to his performance.
He couldn't let this get to his head and poison his plans.
Manipulate him!
Remember!
He needs you, you don't need him!
He needs you, but he would never like you.
«... Hahaha~», he giggled softly, and while Ushio would've never caught on such a detail before that night, it had suddenly rung fake in his ears, like an apathetic rehearsal, «I assume you're eager for a more personal demonstration on how to do that, birdie?~»
Ushio nodded.
Had he been less selfish, maybe he'd have stopped him.
Something felt off, as if there was a veil between the real Rakua and what was seen from the outside that Rakua was extremely careful not to ever remove.
And tonight, Ushio had probably, accidentally tugged on it a lot more than he was allowed to.
But he didn't stop.
He was selfish, and aroused, and just an unremarkable teen feeling high on his first dose of special attention ever.
Oh, if only he knew, how similar - yet completely different - Rakua and him were in this aspect!
And so, he was too selfish when Rakua's lips wrapped softly around his tip.
He was too selfish when he felt his tongue exploring him, somehow making him throw his head back for a moment.
Too selfish to prevent the sudden buckle of his hips, too selfish not to get harder when Rakua whimpered around him at the rough motion.
Too selfish to do anything other than moan, when he felt himself sitting comfortably in the back of Rakua's throat.
Too selfish not to play with Rakua's hair, too selfish not to hold the back of his head gently while he was throbbing, and sucking, and licking, and mixing drool with tears as Ushio felt closer and closer.
---
«Rakua?», he cupped one of his cheeks, some hair strands sticking to his face, «I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-»
«... What?», he tilted his head, his vision blurry with tears, not sure what the other meant.
«Did I- Did I hurt you?»
He shook his head, one of his usual, flirtatious smiles brute-forcing its way on his lips, «How would you, my sweet bird? Didn't you see already what I'm capable of?~»
He reached for the table, poured himself some tea, and Ushio didn't dare ask about the tears in his eyes, nor about his vaguely saddened expression.
He wanted to exchange the favor.
He reached for Rakua's lap.
Even if he clearly lacked that skill, he too wanted Rakua-senpai to feel good ...
«What are you doing?»
«Uhm- I want to make you feel good too! E-Even if I'm not a great student ...»
"Birdie, you have already made me feel so good ...», that was true, oh, his heart was still beating like crazy and his cheeks were hot, his entire body tingling with happiness above anything else.
He could not engage in such things any further.
If he did, his plan would, would ...
The only way to be loved, is deceit.
The only way to one's affection, is manipulation.
To be chosen is the goal, yet the burden of choice makes you weak.
Sink deep in despair, fly higher with revenge, until the chains of love shall tie humanity beneath your foot.
To be loved, as a human among humans.
What a silly thought.
There was no such thing in his book, no desire nor wish, nothing to gain from that.
Right?
After all, it was just a worthless performance.
A disguise, a mere disguise, how could that say anything true about himself?
The real him had nothing to do with that.
To betray your own nature, it's just impossible.
It will always chase you down, always remind you of your place, be it above or beneath.
None of them would love you, if they knew.
---
«...?» Ushio smiled lazily at him, his figure a little blurry beyond his sleepy eyes, «You can't sleep, Rakua-senpai?»
Rakua was staring at him through half lidded eyes, head resting on his side of the futon, his face unusually serious.
«How does it feel... To be chosen?», he asked in a shy whisper after a long silence, his voice trembling with anxiety and his hands instinctively holding on his heart, as if he had just confessed an unspeakable truth.
Ushio, however, had already fallen back to sleep.