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“I’ll be right behind you!”
Jeremy yelled, armor clanging alongside the knights that followed in rank beside him. His gloved hand holding tight on the rain slick black armor of Jean’s pauldron.
It had been the only piece of armor he’d kept from his time as a Raven. Jeremy’s voice echoed commands alongside Xavier’s as lances and arrows pounded against Jean’s shield as well as the other defensemen. The fight against the Bobcats had been violent thus far.
Casualties on both sides that caused waves in their ranks and visceral sobs as bodies of friends got dragged away deeper into friendly lines. They’d lost Cat, a loss that burned raw and agonizingly like an open wound to both Jean and Jeremy’s hearts. They couldn’t see Cody anymore, but Jean hoped they were still fighting with a vigilance.
Laila was out of sight, but if they focused hard enough they could hear the anguished sobs and screams from their friend. Jean had to hope she was bringing the Bobcats hell. Demolishing their ranks, killing in a fiery vengeance and revenge for her lover.
Jean knew Cat’s death at least had been quick. A sword through her ribs between the seams of her gold and crimson armor. There was no way that she had survived the sword being ripped out. Jean couldn’t tell which of the bobcats had done it. But he would resign himself to killing them all.
The front hadn’t moved more than a few dozen feet since the start of the fight. The Trojan line was holding, but barely. There were so few of them left. But they had always been stronger than the Bobcats.
That fact would not change no matter how many in their ranks fell. Jean would make sure of it.
”Jean! Push them back! I can see an ope—“
Jeremy yelled to him from behind before sharply being cut off with the sound of clashing armor and swords.
They were being flanked. The left had been compromised.
Jean couldn’t look behind him. He simply trusted. Jeremy and himself had grown comfortable in their battles together. Jean, who had learned from the Ravens to trust and fight blindly knowing that his squardron would call out if they needed him. And Jeremy who wore his heart so plainly on his armor. Who looked at every scream, every cry for help. Who cared so deeply for his soldiers despite being higher status then them.
Jeremy who shoudn’t be on the front lines in the first place. Xavier and him both shouldn’t be on the front lines. Yet the two of them were. Yelling commands to comrades, orders and battle strategies alike while they stayed close to heat.
Jean needed to trust Jeremy would still see the opening once Jean pushed. And pushed he did.
Shoving his shield forward until gloved hands and spears shoved along the sides of his shield. He felt the Bobcat directly against his shield stumble and fall, the crunch and snap of bones cracking under human weight. Hands grabbed onto his shield pulling it away from him until his shoulders burned with the force he had to keep to maintain it.
Jeremy’s hand pulled Jean’s shoulder back out of the holds of his shield. It was an error. An error that only a Trojan, kind and considerate, could have made. Jean couldn’t block the sword stabbing along the edge of his shield. He didn’t have control of it from this angle.
The blade cut a gash across Jeremy’s cheek, nicking his ear though not enough to cause the loss of it.
“Jeremy!”
He heard himself yell as he shoved the shield forward again. Not much. But enough that the swordsman on the other side couldn’t wound Jeremy further.
”I’m fine!” The Captain yelled, his sword following the offending blade along the edge of Jean’s shield. “Drop your shield, I need you fighting beside me.”
Jean had never disarmed himself of his shield faster than in that moment. Slipping his arm from the holds of his shield himself, pushing it onto the chests of the Bobcats that ran at them, then bringing a knee to his chest to kick the two bobcats flat onto their rears in the mud.
The fight was close in quarters. Almost too close to wield a sword as bodies shoved and rebounded off each other in a mess of fists, knives, and pikes.
It was messy.
Jean drew his sword from his hip upwards, cutting through the Bobcat that ran wildly at him, arm and sword drawn high above his head. The former Raven’s blade making quick work of separating that arm from the rest of the man.
They fought and fought violently. The Trojans were by far the most peaceful of the Kingdoms, but in war, they were one of the strongest for a reason. Time almost moved at an accelerated pace as Jeremy and Jean fought side by side, pushing opponents towards each other to finish off while guarding the other.
There was no mistaking their partnership in battle.
There was no mistaking how in love they were when they slaughtered the Bobcats that aimed to attack the other.
Jean’s back pressed against Jeremy’s as they faced their own enemies. Breaths heavy, both of them worse for wear after crushing hits and piercing blows dented and scratched their armor.
“How many of them…?”
Jeremy gasped as he spoke, unable to heave enough air into his lungs to complete his question. Jean didn’t need him to.
“More than I can take on alone.”
Jean answered, spitting blood to the muddy ground.
They weren’t surrounded yet, but there were still too many for them to take on. As skilled and talented as they were, they would need help to survive.
But they always knew the risks of entering the battlefield.
They had long made peace with the fact that if they were to die in battle, it would be by the other’s side and nowhere else.
Jean would not let Jeremy fight alone. And Jeremy would give his all to make sure Jean’s defense never wavered.
The ideal partnership between a swordsman and his personal guardsman. Loving each other only made their partnership in battle stronger.
Together they rebounded from each other towards their opponents. Jean almost couldn’t keep track of the swords that rained down towards them, but he knew better than to doubt Jeremy’s prowess.
A warhammer caught Jean off his guard. Slamming into the side of his knee until he crumbled to the mud on his knees. He looked up only fast enough to see Jeremy darting in front of him as the Hammer came down again. He parried it.
Knocking the massive blunt weapon to the side where it splattered harshly against the mud. But such a strong block left his side open. Jean watched it in slow motion.
From where he struggled to lift himself, a spear jabbed at Jeremy’s side, just below the edge of his armor.
It embedded itself into him deep, straight through his waist until blood soaked metal shoved through the tunic he wore below his armor. Jean’s eyes widened as he scrambled. Fire and heat blooming from his shattered knee, yet he pushed anyways. Even as he slipped. Even as he collapsed back to the mud, unable to lift his own weight on one of his legs.
Jeremy stumbled, Jean screamed for him. Calling his name at a volume he couldn’t hear. His ears were ringing as he watched helplessly to the spear ripping out of Jeremy’s torso.
“No no no no no!” He yelled, fumbling his mud covered sword in his gloved hands before he made a desperate swing for the Bobcats closing in. He had to defend him. He had to keep Jeremy safe.
He couldn’t fail him.
He already had.
Jean watched the war hammer lift from the mud, dragging through the air upwards before it collided with the armor of Jeremy’s chest plate. The sound of metal hollowing was never pleasant. Knowing that it meant Jeremy’s ribs had been broken made the sound even worse on Jean's ears.
Jean didn’t wait to see how Jeremy collapsed in an agonized groan, wheezing and bloodied. He pushed himself up on his good leg, using as much momentum as he had to spear the tip of his sword through the neck of the Bobcat wielding the war hammer.
Blood gurgled wetly and spewed from his mouth before Jean could draw his blade back out of his throat.
It didn’t matter how long they took to die. Only that they did, and did so by Jean’s sword.
He saw Jeremy’s golden armor fall to his knees. He swung at more of the Bobcats. It didn’t matter how much his leg burned. How it threatened to collapse with every ounce of weight he gave onto it. He would fight. He would give it everything he had.
He had promised Jeremy he would protect him. That was his job as his guardsman. He would protect him.
By the time the fighting stopped, and the Bobcats around them had been reduced to piles of limbs and blood soaked bodies, the Trojan’s had won.
That didn’t matter to Jean as he fell.
Mud and warm crimson clung to him like a fever as he crawled to where Jeremy lay. He couldn’t tell if he was breathing through the armor or not.
He’d been crushed the chest too hard.
“Jeremy…”
He rasped, voice shallow as his breaths as he came within inches of his lover. Jean’s hands shook as he clasped the side of Jeremy’s face. Brown eyes moved sluggishly from the sky to Jean’s face. A haze within him that was so unlike the golden haired boy Jean had fallen for.
“Jeremy, talk to me,” He whispered.
Jeremy’s lips moved but no sound escaped him. Water fell upon Jeremy’s face like rain, yet the sky hadn’t released its due. Jean’s eyes looked over his lover’s form. The hollow dent to his chest plate was brutal. Lower still was the pool of Crimson filling the divers and ripples in the mud beneath him.
He’d been impaled before it all. And he was losing too much blood.
A voice in the back of Jean’s mind knew that these wounds would prove fatal regardless, but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn’t leave Jeremy to die. Not like this.
Not on a battlefield like this.
“We’re going home now, Jeremy.”
Jean whispered as he pushed himself to his hands and knees, humming a groan as he stood just enough to pull Jeremy’s limp form into his arms before pushing onto his feet the rest of the way.
Jeremy moaned a pain filled sound as he was jostled and lifted. Carried in Jean’s arms, head called back, one arm dangling. His wheezing breaths were more apparent against Jean’s battered armor than they had been in the mud.
“H…me…”
Jeremy’s voice mumbled, slurred together while blood run from his nose up and over his cheekbones until it mixed with his golden hair.
”Home. We’re going home now, Jeremy. Stay awake for me. Stay awake so you can see Jabberwocky’s excitement. Stay awake,”
Jean’s voice was rough as he spoke before devolving into wet coughs, swallowing the pain and blood in his throat as he marched onward on a broken knee and other injuries he didn’t care to classify.
”J…n…”
Jeremy whispered, bringing the guardsman to drop his eyes from the battle field ahead of them, the Trojan camp in the distance. Meeting Jeremy’s brown eyes killed Jean in a way like no other.
He shook his head, tears threatening at the edge of his eyes. He knew that look. He knew it and he didn’t want to see it. Especially not of Jeremy’s face.
“No.”
He denied, continuing on, glaring at the imaginary path ahead of him.
”I’m s…ry…”
Jeremy slurred. Jean couldn’t accept it, a tear falling far too warm down his cheek.
”Do not apologize, you can say you’re sorry tomorrow when we wake up… you don’t get to—“
His voice cracked, wavering as the reality set in.
Jeremy remained silent save for gurgling wet wheezes for a long moment as Jean hobbled. Yet the Trojan camp and the familiar faces within never seemed to get any closer.
“I love you…”
Jeremy whispered. It was as slurred and broken as the rest of his words yet it couldn’t be more clear to Jean.
He dropped to his knees as the silence fell over them. Jeremy’s breathing now quiet. Jean’s hands shook as he pulled his lover closer, holding him tight as though he hadn’t already lost him.
He didn’t move as the sun set. Screaming sobs and agonized cries he hadn’t heard from himself since the Nest had broken him the first time so many years ago. But the boy in his arms had drawn them out in such agony. He didn’t know how long it was until he could move again, brushing a hand so, so delicately over Jeremy’s eyes to close them for the last time.
He’d carried him back but he didn’t know how. He’d stared at Jeremy’s face the whole walk back. The rippling pain of his knee hadn’t even hurt.
-
Two days later, the written surrender came through, and the funerals were held.
Cody had turned up almost entirely unscathed after the battle. Laila had been wounded in her fury but not so much she couldn’t attend Cat’s funeral pyre like the rest of them. Xavier had broken an arm from the same war hammer that had knocked down Jeremy. For the most part, the knights closest to Jeremy had walked away from the battle.
It was almost unfair that Jean still walked. Still spoke.
Still breathed.
And Jeremy laid dressed in black atop his unlit pyre high above the knights he commanded over.
He’d been asked to light Jeremy’s pyre the same way Laila had been asked to ignite Cat’s.
He almost refused. He would have if the alternative was that Jeremy’s family would light it. Jean wouldn’t let them have that. Not when they had done so much to Jeremy in his life.
Jean gazed out at the approaching afternoon above. It was clear. Bright skies that shouldn’t be there on such a terrible day. He was not fully there as the rites were said. The honorifics. The glorification.
He would have appreciated it if it didn’t only work to settle into Jean’s soul that his lover would not wake up atop that pyre. No matter how hard he stared at his restful form.
The silence allotted to Jean over the last two days had been relieving as much as one would expect. Such solitude. An emptiness in his presence that had never existed. Not as a child, not as a Raven, not as a Trojan. Not until now when Jeremy, the gold sunbeam of a man had been snuffed out.
Jean had failed to protect him.
He failed in the most spectacular way and it had cost Jeremy his life.
Jean hated the sun in that moment as it shone above the heads of all who grieved.
It was able to leave and return endlessly from the night. Uncaring and unchanging. Shining upon everything without a white or concern, while people like Cat and Jeremy would never see it again.
Jean lit the pyre, but he couldn’t stay to watch Jeremy’s once full of life face burn and turn to dark ash.
With purpose and a limp he’d refused help with he went to the stables. Uncaring as he dismissed the hand working within before taking and climbing atop his own horse. It didn’t matter that there was no saddle, only reigns. He would not need them.
Sinking tried made him ride opposite of the billowing smoke rising through the trees. He didn’t know where he was going, only that it was towards the sunset and away from where Jeremy’s body burned.
It could have been hours before he ran out of trails and roads to gallop down. Yet it had only felt like a matter of minutes.
The sun held low on the horizon as Jean came to the very brink of his travels. Roads met cliffs, and at the bottom were nothing but rocky jagged waters below.
He dismounted with a purpose. Setting his horse on its way back to the Trojans. He would not need it.
No one had seen him leave but they would know what happened when his horse returned without him.
Laila would know she had lost all three of them.
Jean stepped to the edge, looking out at the open waters he’d feared for so long. Feared the same way Jeremy had feared dying in battle by himself.
He stared down at the waves roaring below. Too similar to the wild and frantic yells and cries of battle. His eyes turned to the sun sinking below the horizon. Its rays dimming as it settled below the horizon for what would be the last time he saw it.
There was no reason for Jean to see the sun again.
It would only prove a reminder of the similarly golden hued boy he wouldn’t see again.
Wouldn’t speak to again.
The golden hues danced along the edge of the oceans steady line before dipping at last below. Jean whispered his quiet goodbyes to it.
The Raven’s Nest had forced him to not know the sun long. But in the time he’d spent with Jeremy he’d grown to love it.
Now it was painful to be covered in it’s light without him.
He kicked one leg out in front of himself, hovering his foot over empty air and the promise of the end that waited for him below.
He didn’t look down at the waves, only straight ahead at the darkening purpled hues of the fading sunset.
“I’ll be right behind you.”
Jean murmured quiet and private like a whispered promise meant for the one person in the world who couldn’t hear him anymore. The person who by now was nothing more than ashes fluttering in the skies above.
And then Jean was leaning his weight onto the air like it was one of the steps into his home with Jeremy. The rush of air encompassed him as gravity dragged on him. Yet the fading light stayed the same. As the waves consumed him he could only repeat in his thoughts the very promise Jeremy had told him before the battle had gone wrong.
”I’ll be right behind you.”