Chapter Text
“Mike! We need to talk.”
Oh no.
Battat put on his best “Mike” grin and slicked back his hair. We’re doomed, he thought as Mr. Tenna approached, entirely too giddy to be up to anything good. “What can Mike do for ya, Boss?” he asked, trying to keep the tremble from his voice.
Tenna grinned. “Mike, we’ve gotten a very interesting sponsorship deal but it will involve a lot of work to pull off.”
Which meant Tenna would do nothing while Battat picked up the slack, of course.
“Yeah, Boss? That’s exciting, tell me all the details.”
Tenna beamed with enthusiasm. “Well we have the opportunity to do something very exciting. Never before seen on TV Time. Turns out this dude ranch just opened up in Colorado and they’re looking for some marketing opportunities? Offered the crew an all inclusive stay on the ranch in exchange for a TV Time special broadcast all about their community programs!”
Battat tried to speak up, but Tenna kept talking. “And, well, I thought ya know, Pepper and I haven’t done anything together for a long time, and we really haven’t had a vacation since before my comeback special, and well... I was hoping you could hold down the fort here while the two of us film the special episode?” He touched his fingers together and gave Battat the saddest, wettest look he could muster. Battat groaned.
“...You’re going to need a crew with you, sir, have you decided who to bring yet?”
That question made Tenna hesitate. “Well, I’d need to bring my best people. I have an idea but I haven’t... actually... asked them yet.”
Battat didn’t like where this was going. “Who are you thinking, Boss? Spit it out.”
“Well the thing is, er... this ranch seeks to be an inclusive space for members of the LGBT community, right?” Oh no. “And so I want whoever comes with me to be... open to that lifestyle.” Oh, no. “So I kiiinda thought I’d ask Battat, Jongler, and Pluey to join me? Because they’re, you know...”
Damnit.
Battat steeled himself. “I’m sure they’d be thrilled, Boss,” he lied. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll talk to them over my break today and see if they’re interested?” Jongler would be, he knew that much. Pluey... they liked animals but were a notorious homebody so it was hard to say. Battat would have to make up an excuse to stay behind, especially since Tenna wanted Mike to supervise the studio while he was gone.
His offer seemed to relax Tenna significantly. “Oh, you will? Whatever would I do without you, Mike?”
“Anything for you, Boss. Say, uh... when would you be leaving for this trip?”
The TV star shrunk down a bit. “Um... I might have booked tickets for first thing Wednesday?”
Fuck. It was Monday morning right now, so Battat had a day and a half to figure everything out.
“Awfully last minute, Boss, but I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Mike. You’re a godsend.”
When he brought up Tenna’s proposition to his partners over lunch, they were surprisingly receptive to the idea. Jongler, of course, looked like the wait might just kill them. And Pluey, though it didn’t show it, was just as excited by the idea of leaving town for a bit.
It wasn’t long before Jongler proposed the obvious question.
“Yous should come with us too, boss.”
Battat scowled. “But I can’t! I need to handle the studio while Tenna’s gone, and—”
“Boss, when’s da last time yous had a vacation?”
“Well—”
“Plus Mr. Tenna’s already booked da tickets, it’d be selfish of ya not to use yours.”
“But—”
“Elnina and Lanino can manage the studio just fine,” Pluey added.
“Dat’s right, they’ll do fine without yous for... What was it, three days?”
“Five days.”
“Five days. Whatever. They’ll be fine.”
“You need a break, Battat.”
“Please?”
And that was that. Battat knew his partners weren’t letting him stay. And so he reluctantly packed his bag and called on one of Jongler’s friends to watch the apartment while they were gone.
~~~~~
Battat didn’t like to admit how much of a nervous flyer he was. Jongler offered him something from one of their prescription bottles that they promised would help, and ignoring how foolish it was to accept, Battat gulped down the tiny pill. It did calm him down a bit but Battat still spent most of the flight staring blindly at the tiny little TV screen in front of him, trying desperately to block out the experience. For once, he was glad to be crushed between Jongler and Pluey in the middle seat: having his partners on either side kept him just grounded enough that he didn’t spiral.
Still, the moment they were off the plane Battat beelined for the bathroom and locked himself in a stall until he could breathe properly again. If the others knew about his bathroom panic attack, they didn’t say anything. But he was grateful to them for giving him space while he calmed himself down.
Ten, maybe fifteen minutes later he found his friends waiting in the lounge and wordlessly followed them through the airport. The building was huge and he was on high alert the entire time; he’d heard the rumors of tunnels full of lizard men, or of secret illuminati shrines hidden in the walls.
A few years ago, he wouldn’t have believed such conspiracies. Now?
...Let’s just say those weeks he’d spent with a sentient puppet as a roommate changed things a bit.
The group eventually made it to the baggage claim, without sightings of any lizard people, thankfully. They were greeted by a couple of women with a gaudy, handmade sign that made Tenna’s logo look boring. The taller one had a broad face and long, dark hair with an honest to god hot pink cowboy hat placed on top. It was paired with a cropped vest and impractical fringed pants.
The other woman was dressed much more practically, her cropped hair tied back with a bandana and her worn jeans clasped with a belt buckle that rivaled Tenna’s own.
The pair squealed with excitement when they recognized Mr. Tenna, the taller one running over and planting a kiss on each of the star’s cheeks European style. Tenna beamed as the attention went straight to his head.
The shorter woman chuckled as she caught up with the others. “Mina, honey, give him some space,” she said with an exasperated tone.
Mina backed off, ducking her head in embarrassment. “She’s right, of course, terribly sorry Tenna, dear. It’s just so lovely to meet you!”
Tenna laughed at that. “Oh, no, I completely understand the reaction,” he said. “It’s not every day you meet a star, after all!”
The shorter woman smiled and offered her hand for Tenna to shake. “I’m Lex,” she introduced. “That’s my partner Mina. We’re the co-owners of Rainbow Creek Ranch, and we’re mighty excited to have you and your crew join us this week!”
Jongler, Pluey, and Pepper had returned with everyone’s luggage by now, and Tenna eagerly introduced each member of his party. Battat: combination lighting expert and stage manager. Pluey: Sound and music. Jongler helped with scripts and tech, while Pepper was there to bring a youthful spirit to the show.
Lex and Mina (Mostly Mina) were unnervingly bubbly as they welcomed the rag-tag crew. They enthusiastically gathered up as much luggage as they could before leading everyone to their beat-up old Range Rover. After a quick stop at some famous sandwich shop (with these terrifying monkey rat creatures as mascots) for lunch, the team buckled in for a long drive to the Colorado countryside.
Rainbow Creek Ranch, here we come!