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A cool breeze permeated Inanimate Island. Dough drifted through the air just outside of the mansion, hoping to clear his mind. The past few weeks had been overwhelming, to say the least, and all he wanted was a moment's peace. He felt the wind course through his intangible body, the air rushing through lungs he no longer possessed, and finally felt like all was right in the world.
The ground began to rumble. Dough turned his attention to the ground as bits of dirt sprayed left and right. The shaking intensified. Surely, something horrible was about to be unleashed. The grass in one spot began to grow rapidly, upwards and upwards until—
That wasn't grass.
Dough jerked backwards as what he had thought was grass peeled away to reveal a flash of bright yellow. A small corncob popped out of the ground and landed squarely on its feet.
"Hi!"
Dough stared at the corn standing before him. No way. No WAY was this really happening.
"Are you my mother?"
"No, I..." Dough took a breath. "I'm your dad."
It had all happened so fast that day—he hadn't thought anything of it! He was so focused on stopping Cobs that he hadn't considered the consequences of getting inside the man's kernels. After his sister saved him, the rest of the fight moved so quickly that Dough didn't stop to think about the kernel lying on the ground. But there was no getting around it. One of those little kernels, fertilized with Dough's ghostly spirit, had grown into a big responsibility.
"Wow! Hi, Dad!"
Dough couldn't help but smile at the big ol' eyes staring back at him.
"Hi... Poppy."
"I'm Poppy?"
"You're Poppy." Dough reached out his hand to the little corn below him. "Let's go home."
Dough focused all his strength into his impalpable hand until he was able to grasp the small hand reaching back at him, and the two slowly made their way into the mansion.
Dough felt a smile creep onto his face, widening by the second. Their dad. He was their dad. Stuck in the mansion, he had begun to accept that fatherhood would never happen for him—but here was his child, his child, staring back at him as he took them home. His own child. And he was their dad. And if he was their dad, then—
"Bow! My beloved sister! Come quick!"
"Stop talking weird, Dough, I—" Bow stopped dead in her proverbial tracks as she caught a glimpse of Poppy. "DOUGH, I told you, no more living tenants! Take this mansion off of Zillow RIGHT NOW!"
"No, Bow, you don't understand," said Dough, lifting Poppy to her eye level. "You're an aunt now."
"First Test Tube thinks I'm an egg, now you think I'm an ant—my name is literally Bow, I don't know why it's so tough for people to—"
"No, Bow," Dough sighed. "I'm... a father."
"WHAT?"
"Poppy, meet your Auntie Bow."
Poppy waved shyly as the gears turned in Bow's head.
"How did you even... when did you... what?"
"Now, Bow," Dough scolded, "that's not a conversation to have in front of an innocent child."
"But who did you—" Bow froze. "YOU DID IT WITH COBS???"
"Bow! We can talk about that after Poppy's bedtime!"
"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CORN."
"If you can't be civil, we'll just go," Dough scoffed.
"Dough, I just—" Bow sighed. "Whatever. This isn't even the top three weirdest things you've done. It's my fault for being surprised."
"Apologize to Poppy."
"What did I even—sorry, Poppy."
"You're forgiven!" Poppy smiled.
"Dough," Bow continued, "How are you even going to take care of them? You're stuck within the parameters of the mansion forever."
"Exactly," Dough said. "I never have to find childcare."
"You can't keep them in the mansion 24/7, Dough. That's freaky Mother Gothel type behavior."
Dough paused to think. "Poppy," he asked, "is there anything you want to do outside the mansion?"
"I dunno!" Poppy smiled.
"Oh yeah, you were like, just born. Bow, what can they do outside the mansion?"
"Well," Bow started, "there is that—ugh—season four of Inanimate Insanity that Fan's about to announce, but who would want—"
"Wow!" Poppy shouted, jumping into the air. "I have no idea what that it is but it sounds really fun!"
"Ugh, Dough, your kid is broken."
"Hey!" Dough and Poppy shouted in unison.
"Poppy"—Dough lowered himself down to their level—"if this is what you want, you should go for it." He did a flip in the air as he said, "Follow your dreams, kiddo!"
"Awesome!" Poppy ran out the mansion door.
"Wrong way!" Bow shouted at them. The little corn changed direction and headed into the crowd of people.
Dough wiped a tear from his eye. "It's hard, but so rewarding watching your little baby bird leave the nest and fly."
"You had them for like, ten minutes."
"It goes by so fast."