Archive of Our Own

opening scene

“So why exactly are we here?”

Taerae stares at him blankly as he sighs.
He can't bring himself to look up from the wooden table between them, shoulders sagging and tired as if one sentence has already drained him. Still, the small glances at Taerae reveal that the older still looks the perfect mix of pretty and handsome, a smile just a little bit awkward but welcoming for a boy, man now, of his status. Ten years and he’s still the same.

Taerae stalls, laughs awkwardly, and tries to catch up. But it’s hard to talk when half of Taerae’s life in the past ten years revolved around his marriage, which is also the reason why they haven't seen each other in a decade. 

Taerae brushes his hair back, so fluffy that it falls back into place. But the movement exposes his wrist and a little above it, on his hand, a shiny and visibly well-kept golden ring.

He hates how his hand moves out of habit, rubbing his wrist raw and turning the pale and unblemished skin a flushed red. Taerae looks down with what obviously reads as guilt, and he feels the bile climbing up his throat.

He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. He's come a long way from the hurt and bitter boy he was, but apparently it still stings. Even beneath his eyelids, he can perfectly picture the messy penmanship he'd hoped years to see bloom on his skin.

  Park Hanbin

"Jeonghyeon-" Taerae whispers, but whatever sentence he's trying to come up with dies in his throat.

“Taerae”, Jeonghyeon replies with a voice steadier than he expected. “You haven’t tried to contact me in ten years. I’ve been back in Seoul for two of those now. What’s this about?”

“Do you… Maybe-”  Taerae looks him in the eye, pupils and lips shaking.
“Would you go on a date with Hanbin?”

the years before

At age seventeen, Taerae doesn’t remember a day in his life when he didn’t know Hanbin and can't imagine a future without him. Not dramatically or romantically, it just seems very unlikely that after so long attached at the hip, anything could change their dynamic.

At age eighteen, Taerae realises the real life-changing crisis comes not in the form of losing Hanbin, but the exact opposite.

The high powers - his stoic father and lovely mother - talk fondly of the day Taerae and Hanbin first “met” and surely enough, in one of the perfectly well-kept, pristine family photo albums inside a crystal display case in their living room, there’s a picture of a two-week-old Hanbin sleeping on top of Taerae’s mother’s pregnant belly. 

[When they get that picture gifted in a new shiny frame for their first anniversary, Hanbin jokes about how Taerae always liked having him on top, and no one at the table laughs except Taerae himself.] 

Taerae doesn’t ever think of Hanbin in any special way, truth be told, just like he doesn’t have to think about breathing or blinking. Hanbin became a part of his life because Hanbin’s mum has been a part of his mother’s life since college, and they clicked well enough, like twins or best friends or something slightly different but infinitely special.

He doesn’t even consider the concept of having another best friend because that’s not how they were. It’s nice having someone close to him always. Someone who was always there for him and understood all the tribulations of growing up as part of the 0.001% of the population. From the time Taerae was kept from going to a friend's sleepover because their classmate didn’t live in the right part of town, to the time the other kids in the international school were scared of playing with him because they’d end up in trouble if he got hurt.

It's sad and frustrating, but he tries not to think about it too much, because his parents mean well and through it all, he always has Hanbin, so it doesn't get too lonely.

At the end of the day, it’s nice to know their families are so well off, and Taerae gets a friend who can join him during his holidays in Europe - even if it seems their inner circle is exactly that: just them.

Jeonghyeon arrives in middle school, and Taerae is immediately wary of him. He lands in Taerae’s life in the middle of summer. They are choosing extracurriculars for the start of 7th grade.

Hanbin comes back home from the dance academy with a bright, blinding smile. He waits for Taerae to finish retelling his awful experience in fencing class with a nervous energy that means he’s not listening, and Taerae is just a bit annoyed. Hanbin wastes no time and no fake transitional comment to start talking about his experience. 

Overall, he’s mostly excited about dancing. Taerae still notices the only name he bothers mentioning is this Jeonghyeon kid, who’s twelve like them and is taller than them and has really nice features even if he’s not as good at dancing as Hanbin.

It only takes a month or so, before middle school even starts, for Jeonghyeon to get invited to the Park’s house. It makes Taerae a bit pouty, but he still goes to hang out with them because he can never say no to Hanbin. The whole situation feels strange to him, though, because, in concept, he’s always known Hanbin’s parents to be less strict than his, but it’s weird that Hanbin gets to invite other kids over who aren’t in their parents’ high society network. 

Jeonghyeon is strangely soft-spoken for the way he dresses: all casual and baggy, denim and neon. That and his height make him look older, but he’s clumsy and awkward, and he gets flustered easily, which is surprisingly cute. Hanbin instantly becomes obsessed with him, like he often does with shiny new toys, so Taerae decides to step in and make sure Jeonghyeon doesn’t get too overwhelmed with Hanbin's boundless energy and rough edges.

Both Hanbin and Taerae’s parents like Jeonghyeon well enough. It’s not the same as the tight bond they have with each other, but Jeonghyeon’s mum and dad are respectable people, a Head Manager and a renowned Cellist.

 “Jeonghyeon got his perfect features from them”, hums Hanbin to himself while looking at the group picture they took after Hanbin and Jeonghyeon’s first dance recital. 

“A bit different”, Taerae’s mum says on their way back home in her usual tone, not quite judgmental but a clear comment referring to their 'lower' status. “But a wonderful couple of soulmates, just as it should be.”

See, the Kims are old money, tied to some of the oldest and richest families of the country and practically monarchists in the way they carry themselves. While never actively awful to anyone, they still have a clear preference for who they, and therefore Taerae, can share oxygen with.

Hanbin’s parents are the epitome of old-fashioned bourgeoisie. Hanbin’s great-grandfather once-upon-a-time built a company, which Hanbin’s grandfather, having married into high society, transformed into a real-life capitalist Empire. They respect and accept all the hard workers in a way that screams:

We see you’re working hard and want to be as great as we have become. You will probably fail, but we appreciate the sentiment. 

It’s no wonder the two sets of parents found each other sometime during their college years and instantly felt some sort of elitist kinship. 

Another elitist boundary of theirs is the whole soulmate thing. And this one, Taerae understands. They can be a bit intense about it, but he stands behind them on that. It’s how things were meant to be, a clear sign from whoever was pulling the strings of fate. 

Taerae dreamt of getting his own soulmate forever. He remembers being four and climbing into his mum’s lap to play with her hands and trace the lines on her wrist. He didn’t know how to read, but he knew they spelt his dad’s name. Even his dad, cold and detached and always busy, would smile to himself and caress his own wrist whenever he was particularly stressed.

Taerae doesn’t really care who it is, but the idea that they exist, that somewhere someone is meant for him, fills him with jittery joy.

At age fifteen, Jeonghyeon isn’t quite as excited, already filled with existential crises.

[ What if they live in China? What if they live in… I don’t know, Antarctica! ]

Taerae laughs out loud, mostly because it reminds him of Hanbin, at eight years old, shivering at the idea that his soulmate could be an annoying little girl like the ones that told him he couldn’t be a princess with them and forced him to play knight.

 [ What if I fall in love with someone, but I’m not their soulmate? ]

Jeonghyeon sounds a bit more serious when he says that, but Hanbin walks in with a tray of fresh fruit and a completely different subject. Taerae wonders about Jeonghyeon’s question the entire night. Then he wakes up, and he doesn’t even remember talking about soulmates.

In the years from fifteen to eighteen, some things change without really changing. 

They’re in Hanbin’s living room, Taerae has just turned sixteen and is dutifully finishing his maths homework for the summer. Jeonghyeon is on his computer, smiling too much to be doing anything school-related. Hanbin is on the floor, surrounded by a sea of colourful little beads.

On the other side of the room, Habin and Taerae’s mothers are drinking tea and whispering like they always do on Sunday afternoon. They’re close enough that Taerae can catch a word or two every once in a while. 

“What are you doing?” he mutters, wiggling on his butt to scoot closer to Jeonghyeon.

   “I’m making us rings!” Hanbin chirps happily. 

Taerae’s eyebrows go all the way up to his thick bangs, but still smiles fondly after a moment, looking down at the small clutters of blue, green and yellow beads.

“What are you? Five?” he scoffs, because teasing Hanbin is one of his best skills.

“I wasn’t even talking to you.”

Hanbin blows raspberries at him and, with annoying precision, throws a little blue bead inside Taerae’s neckline. The little object runs inside his shirt in a way that freaks him out, and he shivers all over with a disturbed whimper. 

Only then does Jeonghyeon bother to glance at them with a questioning look, mostly at Taerae. 

He looks down at his laptop, and Taerae has a front row seat on how he suddenly changes his mind and glances back up to look at Hanbin. He does that a lot lately, staring at Hanbin when he thinks no one is looking, then smiles to himself and goes back to minding his own business with a stupid little grin.

It’s so frustrating.

According to Taerae, they should just date. Because Hanbin does the exact same, and if Taerae’s gonna have to third-wheel, he’d at least like a real couple to deal with and not the annoying stuff he has to witness. Like Jeongheyon scribbling cringey poems on his desk next to Taerae, or that time Hanbin slept over and kept asking Taerae obnoxious questions.

[ Do you think it’s really predestined or like, maybe I can influence it? Like, do you think if I secretly rub my wrist on Jeonghyeon when he’s close to me, it’ll help? ]

But Hanbin can’t date, not officially, until his 18th birthday. Which means, he can’t date anyone that isn’t his soulmate. Nana Park’s orders, Hanbin says with a groan, because despite the cute nickname, he’s always been honest about his hatred for his grandma.

Taerae rolls his eyes at their antics as they steal glances at each other and blush. There's no doubt that in two years, Hanbin's wrist will show Jeongheyon's name and vice versa. He keeps telling them, but they won't listen, filled with uncharacteristic self-doubt (Hanbin) and some strange moral duty over their soulmates (Jeonghyeon).

Again, it's so frustrating.

Taerae bites Jeonghyeon’s shoulder for attention and bites again when the younger doesn’t immediately take off his earphones. 

“What are you doing?” he asks again, now specifically to the intended person’s face.

“I’ve been following this guy on Soundcloud, and he makes cool songs, and he’s, like, just a year older than us.” Jeonghyeon angles his screen promptly, face shy but movements quite excited.“He accepted my friend request on Twitter, and he’s been giving me some cool notes about music and …”

Taerae doesn’t really listen to the same music as Jeonghyeon, but it’s refreshing seeing him so hyped up, so he plays along and holds back comments on how much he prefers what he can play himself on the guitar.

"And I don't know yet, but he's really cool. He like … moved from Japan to pursue music here, and he even learned Korean! Can you imagine that?"

Taerae feels a little shift in his belly; he doesn't like the sound of it. He used to talk like that about his guitar at first, about playing for others to make them happy, like his parents were whenever he performed for them. His dad didn't quite agree. People like them didn't bother with those things. It was a good hobby, it showed a refined and tasteful character, a cultural elevation of some sort. But pursuing a career like that was only valid if you were a classical music prodigy; a talent like Taerae was good for an amateur passion and entertaining guests, not something silly and illogical like being a musician.

"He's helping me put down my thoughts into music, and I'm not a singer or anything, but I'm practising a bit of rap on my own and I don't think it sounds too bad."

Jeonghyeon, unaware of the tension in Taerae's body and the sudden silence from Mrs Park and Mrs Kim, keeps talking excitedly.

"Dad's happy I'm getting passionate about something, but it's still early to know if he'd be okay if I studied music in the future."

Jeonghyeon looks at him expectingly, and Taerae feels a surge of panic rising in his chest, because as much as he wants to be supportive, he can feel his mother's eyes on him. She wouldn't want him to say anything in favour of a musical career, let alone one as a rapper. If that's the kind of person Jeonghyeon becomes, there's no doubt his parents won't let Taerae associate himself with him.

"Here catch!"

Taerae is saved by Hanbin's voice and something small hitting him on the cheek. There's a hidden tension layered in his best friend's usual grin. Taerae knows that even if he wasn't saying anything, Hanbin heard their conversation well enough. He also knows that Hanbin had a similar discussion with his own parents, over a year ago, when he asked if he could spend more time on his dancing.

"And you," Hanbin huffs, pushing himself to his knees and crawling closer to the couch to hand something to Jeonghyeon, "don't you know how 'ewww' you sound crushing over your new friend in front of us?"

Jeonghyeon blushes a deep red, eyes frozen and wide, looking at Hanbin between his thighs. Taerae looks at the object that's fallen onto his lap. In the corner of his eye, Jeonghyeon is snatching his own ring from Hanbin.

It's pretty, a given because Hanbin is a perfectionist. Taerae's ring is at least four different shades of yellow with a small daisy in the middle and a few stray pearly white beads. He pockets it carefully; he doesn't wear much jewellery besides a few gifts from his family, but he looks forward to storing this new ring safely in his bedside drawer, next to his lucky guitar pick and his journal.

When he glances back up to thank Hanbin, he's now sitting with the entire right side of his body pressed against Jeonghyeon. They're both still staring at the rings on their fingers in a mix of greens and blues, and even if they were supposed to be friendship rings for all three of them, Taerae can't even be mad that theirs alone are matching in colour.

At age sixteen, he thinks they're so frustrating.

At age nineteen, Taerae picks up two rings from the bin and carefully stores them away in a little box in his bedside drawer. He still thinks they're frustrating, and he thinks he's frustrating too for not saying anything.

prelude

“- and then the little bitch tried to manipulate me into choosing her ugly ass standard flower arrangement.”

Hanbin laughs in that screeching, mocking way that means he’s not really amused but actually kinda pissed off. He's sure his husband can interpret his noises and tones well enough. “Manipulate. Me?!”

When Taerae emits a small sound, probably trying to move their conversation along, Hanbin starts again.
“No one manipulates me. If anything, I manipulate people. Why else was I raised by a filthy rich family? My grandmother, curse her disgusting, elitist soul, would come back from hell to haunt me if I chose those hideous things for my first official event as K&P’s Fundraising Department Manager.”

Taerae hums back, probably smiling to himself. Just the thought of it makes something in Hanbin's chest settle a little bit. Taerae always praises him for how much he's dedicated to the unfortunate fate of their arranged marriage, but truthfully, Taerae's been just as devoted. He would listen to Hanbin talk about pretty much everything and anything, and they both knew there was nothing the older could say to make Taerae stop being completely on his side.

Hanbin continues recounting his uneventful day with the most insignificant details, knowing fully well that these brief moments are the only breaks Taerae allows himself while working. Even after all these years, Hanbin is happy to be Taerae's slightly unhinged and totally unprompted form of entertainment. Even twenty-nine years into their friendship, ten years into their marriage. 

“That said, I’m done with work, so if you just give me time to freshen up, we can do something tonight.”

There's a beat of silence, a faint sigh, like it's being exhaled a few inches away from the phone. Hanbin tries to imagine him, leaning back on his office chair, tired eyes looking over his piles of paper.

“Only if you want to, of course,” Hanbin adds with a small pout. Taerae might want to just rest after all.

“I mean, breakfast this morning was nice. I just thought we could do something different. I know we’ll celebrate at the company gala, but-”

“Hey, of course, Hanbin.” Taerae's voice comes out softer, like every time he speaks to his husband, a bit trembling.

Sometimes Hanbin wonders if he comes out as overbearing; if he's over-compensating.

He's well aware he owes so much to Taerae; he's the one who couldn't do something as simple as falling in love with the one the universe deemed his soulmate. He tries his best to make sure to give everything he can to Taerae for that, everything but that romantic, passionate love Taerae has always dreamed of.

“You deserve something very special.”  Taerae lets the silence sit between them just a moment, and Hanbin wishes there were words to explain the mixed emotions in his chest.

“I - actually, I prepared a surprise for you. The car will be home in an hour, that should give you enough time to prepare… Thoroughly.” 

There's naughtiness in Taerae's tone. Hanbin's brain comes to a screeching halt. It’s not as familiar anymore. Things with Taerae have been a lot less physical in the past months, but for many years, their chemistry in and out of bed was the life jacket in a marriage that was, unfortunately, a business deal. 

“Oh… oh.” Hanbin can't keep the surprise out of his voice, but he regains his footing quickly. “We’re not going together?" He settles for concentrating on the other half of Taerae's sentence.

"Is it because you’re actually still working? - Don’t answer that. Ugh, what’s the point of being the vice-president if you never delegate, Rae! It’s our fucking tenth anniversary!”

Hanbin is quick to whine and scream, a tone Taerae never gets upset or annoyed at, considering he's been used to it from the moment Hanbin scolded him for an entire afternoon for making him worry and cry by falling off a tree when they were seven.

“Don’t worry about anything, just make yourself pretty and get in the car when it comes. Come on.”
Taerae's warm voice magically smooths the frown on Hanbin's face even through the phone.
  “Go get ready, we know it’ll take you a while… I was always the naturally hot one in the relationship.”  Taerae laughs out loud before Hanbin can throw colourful insults at him.

“Hey, Hanbin.” His husband sounds soft and fond, and Hanbin quiets down for him.
“We’ll have more - We’ll have time to celebrate together tomorrow. I love you.”

Hanbin huffs, noting the strange tension in Taerae's voice. He says I love you back, because despite it being platonic, there truly is love between them.
He gets ready with a strange feeling that something big is about to happen. Still, he's promised to support Taerae always, and if Taerae wants him ready for a fancy date, he'll make sure to be the most stunning date in the entirety of Seoul.

the years between

One midnight, between February and March, Taerae checks from his bedroom window if the light is still on in Hanbin's room, then he waits five minutes before sending his text wishing him a happy eighteenth birthday. He promised Jeonghyeon not to text too promptly, to give the younger some time to be the first to send his message. Taerae only gagged for a minute before agreeing.

It takes another twenty minutes for him to get ready for bed. He takes his time, putting some light music through the house's audio system because his parents are out for a gala and no one is there to judge his girly pop playlist.

The sight of Hanbin on his bed makes his voice crack on a high note he would usually hit effortlessly. It's not quite the sight of him in soft, baby blue pyjamas and a Cinnamonroll headband that surprises him, but the watery pain in his eyes, red and puffy and visibly rubbed raw. The small, soft spot below his wrist is in a similar state; the skin there looks tender and flushed with a few aggressive lines sticking out in an ugly shade of pink.

"Hey…" his tentative voice falls the moment Hanbin's head snaps towards him, furious.

"It's your fault." He whispers, voice dripping with venom. "You and your parents and my parents."
He sounds delirious, and he starts rubbing his wrist in a way that has worry blooming in Taerae's chest.
"You did this to me."

Hanbin gets really mean when he's angry at someone, which is why Taerae feels so lucky that Hanbin never, ever gets mad at him. He says all these bad things and then gets upset once the anger is gone because he never really means what he says. Taerae finds it endearing even when everyone else doesn't, because Hanbin is secretly a softy. A small, little crocodile with his crocodile tears.
Taerae braces himself for whatever Hanbin wants to throw at him.

["I won't hold it against you when you get mad at me."
"But I'll never get mad at you. You're always on my side."]

In the end, nothing comes.
Hanbin just sits there, rubbing his wrist, muttering to himself like he's gone crazy.
Taerae approaches his bed slowly, carefully, one step at a time, facing sideways like they say in documentaries. Hanbin lets him near, near enough to peek at the irritated skin. He thinks he knows what's there even without really looking.

He still takes Hanbin's hands in his, not because he wants to see it clearly, but because Hanbin is really getting close to scratching the skin away. The moment the contact between them happens, Hanbin falls apart.

The first cry, a wailing almost, makes Taerae flinch away.
The way his best friend curls into himself pains him more than he'd imagined. He manoeuvres them onto the bed while Hanbin's chest shakes with hiccups and sobs and desperate chants of 'it's you' and 'I can't' and 'Jeonghyeon'.

Taerae moves almost mechanically; nothing is quite registering in his brain besides the need to be there for Hanbin. Because that's what he's always known he'd do for his soulmate. But mostly because that's what they've always done for each other.

Hanbin falls asleep shortly after, and Taerae thinks that maybe he's sleeping too, with how lightheaded and lost he feels. But he's still consciously moving, so he must be awake. Just really out of it then.

He turns in the tight, tangled mess they're in. He softly removes his finger from where they were, wrapped around Hanbin's soul-mark tightly enough that the older couldn't try and assault the skin anymore.

His fingers trace out the lines, his penmanship, spelling his name.

K i m T a e r a e

He dreamt of doing so for the longest time.
He always thought it would feel different, more important, more special. But in the end, it's just Hanbin, and despite all the love between them, his belly twists a little in something that travels back his throat and tastes a lot like disappointment.

Everything after is a whirlwind of angst and chaos.
Ultimately, it's something neither Hanbin nor Taerae think about fondly or for long.

It takes less than twenty-four hours for Hanbin's parents to find out. A couple of hours more for the news to reach Taerae's parents. And after two days without hearing from either friend, Jeonghyeon drops by on Sunday evening to ask why they haven't hung out to celebrate Hanbin's birthday.

Mrs Park reaches the door before either of them, and Taerae is forced to watch as Hanbin pales an unnatural shade of sickly white while his mother escorts his crush inside, all giddy about the great news.

Taerae doesn't remember much about that day, just that at one point, Jeonghyeon and Hanbin are upstairs while he distracts the adults. He listens to all the talk about his own birthday in four months and what it means for their families, and how Taerae must be so happy to be fated to his best friend.
Oh, childhood sweethearts, so romantic. Nana Park will be pleased to hear. Oh, obviously, they're allowed to date as long as they don't get too caught up in teenage love and focus on finishing high school and university applications first.

There's a thud from upstairs, but the adults don't seem to notice. What they do hear, ten minutes later, is the slam of a door and Jeonghyeon rushing out without saying goodbye.

"Was that Jeonghyeon? It wasn't very nice of him not to greet us at all. How unlike him."

Taerae ignores them, taking the stairs two steps at a time.

Hanbin doesn't want to talk about it when Taerae reaches his room. He's kneeling on the floor, staring at his blue and green ring. He stands up slowly, slips the ring off and watches as it drops into the otherwise empty bin next to his door.

"I'm going to take a shower. Please don't be here when I get back."

Taerae tries to protest weakly because he doesn't know what to say, but he still wants to be there for Hanbin.

"I'm okay, really, just want to be alone a little. We'll talk later."

Taerae nods even if Hanbin can't see him. He waits, looks around without committing anything to memory. After a few minutes, when the muffled sound of the shower registers in his brain, he walks away. He stops by the bin; it's a bit gross even if it's empty, but he bends down before he can think of it and fishes out Hanbin's ring. Jeonghyeon's there too, so he gets that one as well.

Things settle, but they don't get better.
Jeonghyeon takes a month to talk to them, and when he does, there's still a layer of hurt in his eyes, an uneasiness in the way he sets his shoulders. Sometimes, things seem the same, but then his eyes fall to Taerae's wrist, and the cold look is back again, as if Hanbin and Taerae planned it all along. To hurt him. To betray him. He rejects all types of kindness and flirting from Hanbin, and he starts making other friends. Hanbin clings to Taerae but ignores all attempts at discussion. He throws himself into little creative projects.
Spring comes and goes.

Nothing changes between Taerae and Hanbin, except now everyone starts to label whatever they do as soulmate behaviour, no matter if it's what they've always done; no one has ever read into it before, but now it's suddenly romantic.

They have a special dinner for Taerae's birthday on the night of the 13th. Hanbin is on his left, and next to him is Hanbin's mother. In front of them is Taerae's mum, his sister and Hanbin's older brother.

The fathers are on each side of the dining table. Taerae's sure that if they weren't in another city, their grandparents would be there as well. They eat peacefully. Taerae finds it difficult to be mad at their parents when they're so happy. Hanbin is mostly disheartened.

They spent the entire day cuddling, Taerae rubbing awkward circles over Hanbin's hiccupy back, after Woongki told them that Jeonghyeon had a fling at the summer camp they were both attending.

"I'm sorry I've been so awful. After you get my name tonight, I'll get my shit together. Promise." Hanbin had whispered, bathed in the pretty sunset light, while they were waiting for dinner.
"I'm not sure why I'm so caught up in this stupid Jeonghyeon crush. Clearly, it didn't matter so much. But this… This has to mean something, right?"

He wasn't looking at Taerae as he spoke; he was looking at where their fingers interlocked, and slowly further up, where Taerae's empty wrist was pressed softly to Hanbin's marked one.

"My family will make me, whether I like it or not. Probably yours too. I don't want this to mean something just because they want it to. It's going to mean something because we want it to.
After today, I promise I'll be the soulmate you deserve."

True to his words, Hanbin had smiled softly at him when the clock struck. Genuinely.

His skin burned and tingled for a minute, and their families broke into a lively, happy chatter, but Hanbin and Taerae kept their eyes locked onto each other, smiling sheepishly. They'll make it mean something.

The morning after, Taerae wakes up to birthday greetings from family and friends. Jeonghyeon wishes them a big, great, wonderful celebration. Not just Taerae, but 'you all'. Taerae tells Hanbin over breakfast, not to hurt him, but because it's the right thing to do as soulmates. Hanbin gets quiet for the rest of the meal.
By lunchtime, he's helping Taerae's mother pick a place for a last-minute beach trip for just the two of them: a gift for their soul-marks.

Hanbin honours his promise for ten years, eleven if you count the one year of engagement. Nineteen is early to get married, yet somehow, for Hanbin's grandma, it's still waiting too long since they already know each other.

They apply to Seoul University together. Management and Business.

Rumour spreads that they're soulmates, no one seems too surprised, and they don't comment when people take for granted that they're dating. Technically, they aren't, but it's better than saying they're engaged. Jeonghyeon still hangs out with them, though less. He always fakes a smile, always acts as if everything is exactly as they imagined in their early teens.

He dates now.
Different people in a short time, it suits his face but not his temperament. Jeonghyeon makes a few jabs, nothing too hurtful, but it makes Hanbin's hands shake under the table, so now Taerae holds them even in public. It makes Jeonghyeon a bit colder to them, sadder too.
When Jeonghyeon's birthday passes, Taerae finds Hanbin crying in the boys' bathroom.

"I'm awful." He whimpers. "It's just… I'm happy he doesn't have one."

Jeonghyeon only grows more distant after that, enough to become a classmate and not a friend.
He and Hanbin don't talk anymore, but they still stare at each other when they think no one is looking.

Taerae never steps in. He's sort of just going along with things since Hanbin's birthday. It's hard to be decisive about life-changing choices when the one thing he's waited for turns out to be different from what he expected. When that one special moment he's been waiting for gets tinted with bittersweet blue.

He only tries once, asks Hanbin if he is really sure he wants to go on, the night before their graduation.

After that, it will all come too fast. Getting married, moving together in the city, bachelor's degrees and master's degrees and taking their rightful places in their respective family companies.

"We're good together, right?" Hanbin smiles; it looks a little bit like Jeonghyeon's in its falseness. The words are genuine, though. "We were always meant to stay by each other's side. I already love you so much, maybe that other type of love will come later."

Ten years and 'that other type of love' doesn't come.
Their bond grows stronger, but it's not quite what they wish; they never admit it, but they know.

Some time between their graduation and their wedding ceremony, they have sex for the first time because Hanbin thinks it's too ancient a tradition for them to lose their virginity on their wedding night. It works too smoothly, and it becomes a driving force in their relationship. Dealing with relatives, high society expectations, and uni classes sucks, but he has Hanbin's wit to help him get through the day and his soft, warm body through the night.

They become a perfect power couple. Taerae thinks it's partly because they're not in love. It makes them more level-headed, no petty fights, no jealousy or drama. They joke and work, and they care for each other deeply, without all the ugliness that can come out when you feel too much towards your partner in life and in business.

Hanbin still has his moments.
His eyes will follow a pair of green shoes until he can confirm it's not Jeonghyeon. He'll watch football games not because he likes it, but because they remind him of the younger. He'll buy Jeonghyeon's favourite cereals and fill the cupboards and eat them for a day or two, and then throw a tantrum and demand it gone. He'll hum a song under his breath as he moves around the house, not knowing that he's not the only one who's keeping up with Jeonghyeon's discography.

Taerae says nothing because he has his own faults.
He stares too long at couples in the street, in their matching casual attire and the way they giggle and look at each other with galaxies in their eyes. He passes flower shops and wishes he had someone to gift them to before remembering he does. He strums his guitar and hopes he'll meet someone, maybe at a cafe or on a business trip, and fall in love at first sight.

Eight years into their marriage, Taerae hears Jeonghyeon's name on the radio. A Korean artist who started abroad and is now coming back to win the hearts of his home country. A few days later, on the main street they drive through every morning, there's a new billboard with his face.

Hanbin keeps the tears at bay all through breakfast and pukes all the cereal out before Taerae can ask him what's wrong.

Nine years into their marriage, five months before their tenth anniversary, Jeonghyeon is famous enough that he feels inevitable. He's learned how to sing in the years apart, and now he sings about all the heartbreaks he's lived throughout his life. It's what his latest album is about. Soft voices on the radio ask him what was the worst of them. Taerae moves his hand to ask the driver to switch stations. Hanbin stops him.

[ - I'm not sure it counts, because we were never together. But my first love. I used to dream of getting that one name on my wrist. Spent years imagining it, I was sure it was a mutual hope. It never happened, and in the end, they ended up with their soulmate.
- Oh, that's unfortunate. I'm sure that must have been tough to go through as a teen.
- Yeah, kinda makes you feel like shit. You know, I was seventeen, wondering 'how can I compete with a soulmate?' and I couldn't even hang onto the idea that maybe there was simply someone else for me. In the end, I didn't even get to have a soulmate.]

They have sex that night, coming home late after a day in the office. It's unplanned, but it feels like it's in the air as soon as they close the entrance door. Not an atmosphere of pent-up sexual tension, something a bit less passionate yet just as charged.

Taerae thinks he feels it in the way Hanbin clings to him as he comes, like he's falling apart. They kiss softly, but Hanbin's mind is clearly somewhere else, no matter how much Taerae tries to bring him back to the safety of their bedroom. When he kisses Hanbin's skin, it tastes like a last time.

They talk about it after dinner the next day, letting twenty-four hours pass to prepare for it, 'cause they both know it's coming. It takes wine and ice cream for Hanbin to open up to the idea. The real hidden intention is clear even if not spelt. After the movie is over and they're left cuddling in the dark, Hanbin finally nods. He apologises before they get up from the couch, then again before falling asleep.

Ten years into their marriage, and technically, they're in an open arrangement.

Taerae secretly wishes for a meet-cute, something special and different, but he hasn't tried much to be honest. It always felt unfair to Hanbin. But Hanbin hasn't dared to reach out to Jeonghyeon yet.

There's no chance for Jeonghyeon to come forward out of nowhere, after all this time.

At age twenty-nine, he looks at the mark on his wrist and still thinks the whole situation is so frustrating. And ten years later, he's ready to do something about it.

now

The phone buzzes as Hanbin goes through the last little details of his outfit. He applies extra perfume even though Taerae usually hates it because it's an important night. He'd like it to be. He makes his way to the elevator with a practised ease, thinking about what he wants tonight to mean.

Sometimes he feels guilty about clinging so hard to their marriage. He knows Taerae is not quite happy, maybe even less satisfied than Hanbin himself. Taerae might not understand the pain of a lost love, but in some way, that seems worse for Hanbin. Never getting a real taste of genuine romance.

Every time, Hanbin gives himself an ultimatum. I'll do this thing, and then I'll reach out to Jeonghyeon. I'll finish this project, and then I'll personally invite Jeonghyeon to this event. He's promised Taerae. They've agreed, after all. They'll stay together, because it's best for their families and their careers. But they're free to look for love elsewhere. It was worded freely, vaguely, but Hanbin understood what Taerae was implying. Still, the idea of looking for Jeonghyeon scared him.

He knew, in his heart, that being with Jeonghyeon would come naturally to him. Even after all the years apart, even after all the pain inflicted on each other. It would be awkward at first, most probably, but he knew his heart was still attuned to Jeonghyeon's, regardless of what his soul-mark said.

But what if meeting Jeonghyeon isn't a possibility anymore?

Ten years are far too many, and they didn't really leave each other on the best of terms. For Hanbin, the void Jeonghyeon left was hastily covered up by the layers of a life his family stamped on him. Like a hole in his chest, patched up but never fixed or filled. Jeonghyeon spent all those years meeting people and travelling the world, and yes, maybe Hanbin had left an important imprint in his life and in his heart. But who's to say he'd take him now, who's to say he doesn't think of Hanbin as someone solely of his past?

He owes it to Taerae to try, though, because Taerae is the one who always deals with his moods and moping. His partner in everything but love will never allow himself to find something new if he's not sure Hanbin's doing okay. On his worst days, just the thought of it makes Hanbin wish they could have really fallen in love.

He stares outside the tinted windows of the car for a few empty seconds before he realises the driver is telling him they've arrived. He takes a steadying breath and steps out.

'Dinner, something special to turn the page and tomorrow I'll contact Jeonghyeon.'

The staff recognises him immediately, as if he were an actor or a singer. It's always a little strange how much undeserved recognition comes with being born in the right family. Even after his grandmother's death and the unexpected divorce of his parents. Hanbin, his brother and his uncle, the new faces of the company, have managed to retain some grace and good image in the high society.

Hanbin arrives in front of a closed door and finds a stiff-backed waiter with flowers, a beautiful bouquet in shades of blue in a crispy and fancy sage green wrapper. He takes the letter with a small smile. His eyes never stop running over the pretty petals as he carefully opens the envelope.

All the little things now make him more and more certain that he'll do it. He'll reach out to Jeonghyeon as soon as he can. Taerae's beautiful heart and gestures are wasted on Hanbin; he'll have to set his husband free soon.

And then his eyes scan the page. Halfway through the text, he thinks maybe his brain got lost somewhere between the paper and his eyes, because it makes no sense. He reads again. He keeps tying together a series of letters and words that cannot be real.

His breath catches and his fingers shake, and he reads again.

Hanbin, my most beloved soulmate and forever partner.

First of all, happy anniversary.

I have a way too long speech about our years together and what an incredible source of strength you are to me; all the love I feel for you is written there in a way that will be genuine while also fooling all those stuck-up, shitty people we have to entertain all the time. I won't spoil it much here, you'll have to wait the Gala for that.

Right now, I want to be even more honest.

I know you like flowery words and to be handled with care when it comes to your most intimate feelings, but tonight you'll have to excuse my bluntness. It's been a while now since we've made our decision to "open" our marriage, and you haven't yet tried to find the love and happiness I've always known you deserve.

For a while, I thought giving you time would be enough, then I thought that maybe I should play a bit on your guilt, remind you that you had a bigger chance at love than me. I had a whole speech prepared about how you had to take your chance, if not for yourself, then for me, because at least one of us had to get to that out-of-a-movie kind of love.

But then I realised that I needed to do more. To make amends in a way.

I spent so long watching you wait, both of you. All those years when we were kids, and I never pushed you enough to try, even though I knew how happy he made you. I stayed silent while you were hurting because fighting it would be against everything I believed in.

I know in my heart now, the way I knew back then, that the two of you are meant to be. I've told you, for reasons we both know, I can't set you free the way you should be. But what kind of husband - what kind of friend would I be, if I didn't do my very best to ensure your happiness?

I know now that you are my soulmate, but not in the way people think. We were made to support each other, always. So this is me supporting you, this is me being your soulmate and making sure you get what you really want and deserve.

We will have plenty to talk about, I know. Me and you and Jeonghyeon.
But for tonight, I hope I can give you what you should've had these past ten years and hopefully what you'll have from now on.

I'm sorry I tricked you, but I'm sure Jeonghyeon will be a far better date than I ever was in these years.

With love, your best friend Taerae

Hanbin isn't sure he fully comprehends the content of the letter, and even the small part of his brain that sort of understands can't seem to believe it.

He clutches Taerae’s letter and flowers as he steps inside the room. His heart stops and starts at the same time as he sees him.

Lee Jeonghyeon.

He's startled, body tensed and head snapping to the door.
He's wearing the equivalent of formal wear for a trendy, hot-topic rapper. It's a baggy, leather suit. It should make him look cool and aloof, and nonchalantly elegant. But his hands are shaking, and he looks like he's about to break into a cold sweat. Jeonghyeon's eyes seem too nervous to pick something to focus on; he takes thirty seconds to meet Hanbin's eyes. He looks terrified.

The giggle escapes Hanbin's lips without warning. It's high and light and carefree. It's oh so happy. He can't stop once he starts, and it wakes Jeonghyeon up from his initial panic.

Jeonghyeon rolls his eyes and blushes at the tips of his ears. Hanbin is still shaking with giddiness as they take their seats, and when his brain slows down just a moment to process the reality of things, he almost panics.

But Jeonghyeon is stealing glances at him, not very subtly, with a shy smile and hopeful boba eyes, and Hanbin realises that he's doing the same. And like that, he feels at home. He was right after all. His heart is still attuned to Jeonghyeon's.

Dinner starts awkwardly. They dance around a topic to settle on and try not to speak over each other. Sometime between the waiter asking what they want to drink and the entrées, they seem to get a nice flow.

They talk about everything and nothing, as if it hasn't been a decade since they last saw each other, more, since their last pleasant encounter.

It's annoyingly satisfying to find out they're still so compatible, still so easily intertwined, still so meant for each other, despite the evident differences in their wrists. Sometime between the first course and his third glass of wine, Hanbin stops bitterly thinking about what he wasted and starts enjoying the sight in front of him.

They're waiting for dessert when Jeonghyeon says Taerae's name. Strangely, there's no bitterness. There's tension, yes, and confusion too. But whatever Taerae has told Jeonghyeon to have him agree to this dinner must have been something genuine and convincing.

"I almost didn't show up when my manager told me he had asked to meet me."

Hanbin waits for the conversation to go south, but Jeonghyeon just shakes his head somewhat fondly.

"I thought he was gonna try and be friends, act as if nothing was wrong - and he kinda did, but… I guess I thought the point of it was to show me how the two of you moved on. That you wanted to be friends with me again because, after all this time, you weren't thinking of me like that anymore."

Hanbin wonders if Jeonghyeon can sense it. If he can see under the years of practised smiles. In the way Hanbin carries himself and how he looks at him. How he's never contemplated a love different from the one he knew when he was fifteen.

He hopes it shows in his sharp eyes and sharp grin, both impossibly softer when directed to Jeonghyeon.

"Stupid. Just like when we were kids."

If it doesn't show in Hanbin's body, then he'll have to say it until Jeonghyeon can never think like that again.

"Both of us, really," he admits, mostly to himself. "I didn't know he was going to contact you, to be honest - but in retrospect I should have known. It was quite obvious that I never stopped thinking about you. He knows it better than anyone else. How I missed you like a ghost limb. How I never talked about you, as if you were my long-lost lover."

Something shines in Jeonghyeon's eyes, a little more than just tears of joy or longing.

"Well, am I? Your long-lost lover?"

Hanbin knows his own eyes must be shining the same way.

"Would it really be surprising if I said yes?"

Some time between the entrées and the second course, they end up with their feet tangled together like lovesick teenagers. Soon after, their fingers meet, too.

opening scene (of another story)

Taerae is scheduled to see Hanbin and Jeonghyeon for brunch.
Supposedly, that was the plan when he and Jeonghyeon talked about the details of the date.

It's currently 9 am, a bit early probably, but it's not like he actually imagines they'll show up. Taerae is acquainted with Hanbin's sex drive enough to know he probably won't hear them for a while. It's the whole reason he's made sure their driver took them to the out-of-town house instead of their apartment in the city. Privacy, time to sort out how they want to proceed in their relationship and also not accidentally walk in on his husband and high school friend making love.

He takes his time ordering, and for once, he takes a notebook out of his bag instead of his work laptop. It's a birthday gift from Hanbin. It's covered in soft yellow leather, and there's a cute bookmark made from pressed daisies and leaves, and Hanbin told him he wasn't allowed to use it unless it was for music-related things. He hasn't touched it in two years, and for some reason, it felt like the right time now.

'Some reason'

Taerea scoffs at himself as he opens the notebook. It's such a rom-com cliché to even hope for something to happen so quickly and suddenly, and yet he knows why now it's a good moment to go back to writing music.

His soulmate-y duties are done. He's supposed to help himself now. Look for love.

He stares blankly at the pages, unsure of where to start. He's always imagined himself working passionately, nose stuck in a book, looking up for some reason, like scratching his face or just thinking, and finding the most beautiful person he's ever seen. But right now he has no inspiration and the cafe is more or less empty.

An hour later, he gets a text from Hanbin.
> Resched 4 dinner? Hehe

He texts back a thumbs up. He decides to avoid jokes about the situation until he sees them in person, but he's pretty sure everything went great if that's the only thing Hanbin is texting him about. It means he's too happy.

Taerae thinks he's known since last night, though. Some sort of freaky soulmate bond that has given him an overwhelming sense of peace as he was getting ready for bed. He's more relaxed now. From the moment he woke up, he knew something was shifting in a good way.

He can admit it now. He and Hanbin are finally stepping into a new chapter of their lives.

Now that the most obvious hurdle has been passed, it's time to understand what it means for him. He missed Jeonghyeon, of course, but mostly he thinks about how he's supposed to move forward with his life.

Since this farce of working at the table of a coffee shop feels so awkward, maybe he could travel. Try and find the meet-cute he's always daydreamed of, in the busy streets of a foreign country, and fall in love with the hot and sensitive younger man who will guide him through the hot European landscape.

Taerae scoffs at the idea and goes back to scrabbling random words on his little page. He stays at the cafe for a while, for another round of cold brew and cake.

He orders a sandwich to go and takes his time looking around the place. It's one of Hanbin's finds, the same one he's been in with Jeonghyeon almost a month ago. It's small and pretty, and the pastries are as good to the taste buds as they are to the eyes. The place is warm and cosy, all shades of cream and beige, and on the far left, opposite to where he was seated, there's an acoustic guitar on the wall. He doesn't register moving closer until he is right in front of it.

Taerae's pretty sure he's seen this guitar before.

They were in bed, cuddling after a horrible exam that left Taerae feeling miserable, and Hanbin had spent the entire afternoon listing people he could fight and things he was going to buy for Taerae's smile to come back. In the end, they settled for surfing the internet, looking at guitars. They didn't end up getting anything, eventually getting distracted by their grumbling stomach, but one of the ads remained an open tab on Taerae's phone for over a year.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" A nasally sweet voice says behind him.

It's not the same barista as before, but something about him feels familiar. He's tall and lithe, and his features are soft, pretty. It's strange, but something about looking at this man feels right.

"Yeah," he manages to reply awkwardly ", but mostly I was thinking that I might have almost bought it a few years ago."

He doesn't mean to say it out loud, and it takes a second to register his own words.

"I mean, probably it wasn't that guitar exactly, it's just the strap looked familiar and I am probably rambling now- sorry."

Pretty man laughs, higher than Taerae expected, just as pretty. He's not quite sure when he started referring to the guy as "pretty man", but again, it feels right.

"It's okay." He says with a big, soft smile that makes his eyes disappear. Taerae wishes this man wore a name tag, because that cute of a smile deserves a name to go along with it for Taerae to note down in his journal. "It's probably really that one. I did try to sell it for a few years in college, but I could never really get to it. And yeah, the strap is pretty special, huh?"

For a couple of seconds, they just stay there, in peaceful silence, staring at the embroidered guitar strap in soft tones of white and yellow and daisies and sunflowers.

"Yunseo hyung."

They both turn around, and the pretty man, Yunseo, reaches over to the counter where the barista is handing him a paper bag. Probably Taerae's lunch.

He likes to think that the few seconds after go smoothly. Just a normal exchange between customer and barista. Except Taerae blushes when Yunseo cordially tells him to enjoy his day, and they'd love to have him again. And he too-eagerly replies he'd love to come back.

And they stand there for a second too long before Taerae takes his paper bag and leaves. Long enough to notice a little ring on Yunseo's middle finger, in white and cream and a couple of yellow beads too, a beaded sunflower in the middle of it.