Chapter Text
Jungsu was miserable; his parents had made him start going to their local church every day unless he wanted to be kicked out, since he had been outed by a family friend he had wrongfully trusted. It hurt to think of them now. He’d started pretending they didn’t exist anymore. The only reason Jungsu complied with his parents was that he had nowhere else to go; he didn’t have anywhere close to enough money to live by himself, let alone the fact that he’d never even left their town. Jungsu had “therapy” with Mr. Yoon, a priest, where he’d be forced to speak about his “experiences” with men and renounce the deepest parts of his personality, all while being reprimanded for specific gestures and movements that were “too feminine.”
Jungsu knew it was all shit, but he knew better than to voice that; he knew how to pretend he believed it, how to pretend he was “getting better,” but he also knew there was only so much he could take.
And so Jungsu fell into a simple routine to try and stay sane:
-Wake up late
-Skip breakfast so he’d be at the church in time to make shit up about his life that Mr. Yoon would always see through and then get lectured for hours
-Have a break for lunch and a quick smoke that he’d hide from Mr. Yoon; it helped that his sense of smell was shit
-Do the church's busywork that nobody else wanted to do out of fear that Mr. Yoon would tell his parents fake stories
-And finally go home and sit on the front porch for a bit to smoke; his parents didn’t want him to stink up the house
- He’d eat his dinner quickly so he’d be able to go to his room sooner
-And then sleep
After far too long of this routine, had it been weeks? Longer? He wasn’t really paying attention to the date anymore; his usual day at the church that he had grown used to was changed horribly.
“Kim Jungsu, this is Oh Seungmin, a priest in training. Since you’ve been doing so well, and I can’t always be pushing my duties off to watch you complete the tasks I give you, I’ve decided to let Oh Seungmin take over that duty, as well as sit in on our little meetings so he can learn.” Mr. Yoon explained.
No. Not him. Anyone but him.
“I trust you two will get along well; you already have your list, Kim Jungsu, finish it.”
And then the two were left alone.
-
In school, you would never see Seungmin without Jungsu not far behind. It was adorable when they were kids; they were known as best friends by everyone. Of course, kids grow; they change. The rumors started when they were around 11 years old. Jungsu denied them; he didn’t even know what that kind of love felt like then, but they never stopped. Seungmin started to avoid him; everyone started to avoid him, but Seungmin was the one who hurt the most. He was basically Jungsu’s only friend; they understood each other, but now Jungsu was alone.
Since then, Jungsu worked tirelessly to hide any sense of who he was from the entire town, mostly finding solace online through nearly dead forums and group chats where others would relate, but he hadn’t grown close enough to anyone to call them a friend; maybe he was scared, he didn’t care, he was just glad he wasn’t the only one, glad he wasn’t in the wrong for simply existing.
Jungsu still saw Seungmin around the town and in school; he unintentionally learned Seungmin’s schedule, so he didn’t have to see him at all, but, of course, things change, so he’d still see Seungmin now and then, and every time it would wrench up all of the old memories he’d worked hard to forget.
Jungsu would never admit that the rumors from back then were true, but sometimes he would think of what might’ve happened if they had stayed friends.
-
Now, here Oh Seungmin was in front of Jungsu, being made to watch his every move; they knew they recognized each other.
“...Hi,” Seungmin smiled softly, but it didn’t reach his eyes; he was trying his best to ignore the awkwardness.
“Hey.” Jungsu sighed and just decided to try and finish his chores so he could get this over with as fast as possible.
Finally, Jungsu reached his house. He just wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep, but of course, his body wouldn’t let him without just one more smoke. He tried to ignore it before, but that didn’t end well. He’d already taken longer than usual to get home and could feel that uncomfortable cluster of emotions starting to swirl in him. Jungsu gave in; he always did.
-
Jungsu contemplated just running away now with what he had, but he was sure he wouldn’t even make it a week, so unfortunately, he had no other choice but to get out of bed and get ready to go to the church. Jungsu felt like a ghost as he got dressed and grabbed the small bag off his door handle that he brought around everywhere; even the bitter mouthwash that always stung his mouth didn’t wake him up like it usually did. Nobody even noticed Jungsu leaving; they never do. His hand unconsciously reached into his bag and grabbed a smoke from the pack. He usually wouldn’t smoke this early, but it’s not like he’s been doing a lot of things he likes recently. The flick of the lighter with his other hand was basically automatic at this point; he couldn’t tell if it was even him doing it.
Jungsu exhaled the last of the smoke as he reached the church and put the cig out on some statue he never cared about before walking in.
“Ah, Kim Jungsu, nice to finally join us.” Mr. Yoon said as if he were 20 minutes late.
“Sorry. I knocked into someone on the sidewalk; they were holding a lot, and I felt bad for not helping. They were just going to a shop around the corner, so I offered to carry some of their stuff there.” Jungsu lied easily, as he sat in his usual seat across from Mr. Yoon and fully ignored the other chair that was added to his left.
“Well, that was nice of you, Kim Jungsu.” Mr. Yoon hummed with a look in his eyes that told Jungsu that he didn’t trust him and would definitely be giving him more work to do. “I mentioned Oh Seungmin would be joining us yesterday, didn’t I?” Mr. Yoon’s insistence on using people's full names was really starting to get under Jungsu’s skin.
“You did.”
“Good, so you’ve had time to think on it.”
“Yep.”
“We’re going to talk about your more recent experiences with your illness, then, alright?”
“You know what to do better than I do.” Jungsu learned that Mr. Yoon liked it when people played into his ego; maybe that’d get him out of here faster.
“When was the last time you’ve had a homosexual thought, Kim Jungsu?”
“It’s been a couple of weeks, I think.”
“Kim Jungsu, please tell me the truth.”
“That is the truth.”
“We both know it isn’t. I’d hate to keep you any longer than you need; I know your parents would hate to hear that. So please tell me the truth.” How did Mr. Yoon always know when Jungsu was lying? Did he just not trust him about anything? Probably, Jungsu might be able to tell Mr. Yoon that the sky was blue, and he would still disagree.
“I’m sorry.” There was no getting out of it, there never was. “It was last night.” Jungsu put on the best embarrassed and innocent kid act he could; it wasn’t that hard considering that he’s saying this in front of a grown man and Oh Seungmin, the person it was about, but that didn’t matter right now.
“Thank you. Now, what did you do in response?” That was the question Jungsu always hated.
“Nothing, I ignored it.” It was a lie. It was such a fucking lie, but he couldn’t say that in front of anyone, let alone him.
“Kim Jungsu.”
“I did nothing and ignored it.” Jungsu restated firmly.
Mr. Yoon just sighed before leaning back in his chair, a sign that he was about to get into a long lecture and ridicule Jungsu like always. Fine. Jungsu had learned that he couldn’t show almost any emotion during these lectures; it was “too feminine,” and the lecture would just go on longer, but if he did nothing, Mr. Yoon would think he wasn’t paying attention and keep going anyways. It was a tough balancing act that Jungsu had just started to master. Not like that mattered since Mr. Yoon would make up a reason to keep telling Jungsu exactly what he’s doing wrong and how broken he is.
After the lecture, Jungsu was sent on his way to do the annoying chores around the church; the only reason he was doing them was probably because nobody else wanted to, and of course, the watchful Seungmin was made to follow him.
Jungsu guessed this was his life now, until he managed to get more money and finally get out of this hellish town.