Chapter Text
Resurrection and Revenge…
The years spent having ones flesh and soul torn apart viciously passed painstakingly slow for the man trapped inside a coffin with a monster of his own creation. The weight of a world that had long since passed by him seemingly crushed his mind into disarray and tore away his ability to comprehend or understand his own thoughts or surroundings. Darkness of the vast emptiness following his horrific death was cold and devoid much of anything, let alone senses. As he floated in a state of dissociative disorientation he couldn’t help but feel his memories of his life pulse around him. Voices of those who met untimely, wrongful deaths seemed to echo though the silence. Each word they spat through teeth gritted, blood seeping from the corners of their mouths, full of resentment.
”Jin Gaungyao! You… you.. son of a whore!”
“Beyond redemption! The corruption of the Jin Sect has blinded everyone with their golden graces!”
”How could Jin Guanshan ever acknowledge such a despicable person as his son!? I guess the apple doesnt fall far from the tree!”
…Beyond redemption? How could he have ever foreseen that much like the prey mantis stalking the cicada, he had been unaware of the sparrow lurking? It had been this way for four years, though, he had no recollection of the time that passed when he was dead. Within the many voices that heavily cursed him, a soft a voice spoke. It was a young man that he couldn’t help but hone in on. It was different from the other vengeful voices that cursed him. It was calm, quiet. As though a cool stream of water was being poured into the dark, churning rapids of murky hatred.
“…many whom wished you a fate worse than death… those whom curse a man for not baring a virtuous conduct… yet reaped to benefit on those suffering at their hands…”
”Jin Guangyao! How could you?! Has your heart always been so full of hatred!?”
He almost couldn’t focus on the voice, subdued by the shouting of those he had wronged. The voice was a young man, his words were murmured without an ounce of emotion.
“…Why you’ve done what you’ve done… it matters not to me… please… just please fulfill my wish-“
Far from him, somewhere in the distance darkness a soft sound tempted him to open his heavy eyes; calling him back to some semblance of cognition. As if he was violently dropped from thousands of feet in the air, he felt his shattered soul fragments free-falling. The way the pieces were hurling and spiraling downward; the dark void leaving no room for wonder on what or where they would land, the only thing that was evident was that when they did hit their target, he would be nothing but dust. The noise sounded again, rapidly growing close, each time it came, calling out like a war drum. The sound that wasn’t unfamiliar to him, he just hadn’t heard it in so long. The sound was sharp and reverberated in a rhythmic way. As if he was suddenly ripped down from a vacant free fall, he hit the ground hard. Jin Guangyao felt as though the sensation was all too familiar with the many times he was sent spiraling down the flight of golden stairs leading to the Carp Tower. He desperately sucked in, as if he’d been held under water, a breath of life he had been denied for much too long. The taste of the air he breathed with tainted with the blood on his tongue. Lifting a shaky; nimble and unfamiliar hand; he gently touched his lip. It was cracked, staining the long, delicate, foreign finger red. Jin Guangyao licked the split lip and blinked hard, trying to clear the murky confusion. Before he could take in his surroundings the sound; very abrupt and clear, came again. No longer lost within the darkness he could clear make out the noise.
*Knock! Knock! Knock!*
It was someone’s fist gently knocking against the wooden door behind the beautifully carved screen. The room Jin Guangyao found himself in was darkened and candles and incense had been burned inside the room for hours, filling it with a scent of heavy substances.
Quickly becoming filled with familiarity, however, the circumstances surrounding him were far less so; Jin Guangyao froze. Beginning to recognize the carvings on the bamboo wooden screen, the simple, minimalistic design of the room; dread engulfed him. Feeling sick to his stomach, like his body was crushed under an elephant; his muscles ached and his head pounded. Much like how Yiling Patriarch had opened the eyes of another man; seeing through them, Jin Guangyao was now looking through the glass windows of another’s life. The skin of a different person veiled him in an identity unknown to even himself. Taking a shaky breath with lungs that were not his own, he found himself in someone else's body. He looked down at the blood summoning patterns drawn on the floor underneath him. Vision still blurry, he gently placed his hand against it. The white sleeve falling down and brushing against three deep cuts on his left forearm. He blinked vacantly at the sight. The body he was in had been no older than seventeen. Another soft knock sounded against the door along with a gentle voice.
“Lan Qian? Morning lectures are about to begin.. are you not attending again?”
Jin Guangyao softly coughed, his throat feeling very stiff and tight. He looked up at the architecture of the door, furthering his suspicions on his surroundings. His face darkened. The room was dim, but rays of morning sunlight seeped inside, causing the dust to glisten around him. This was the Gusu Lan sect. How quaint. Of course, he would find himself waking in the body of someone from his dear sworn brothers sect. His eyes flickered as the thought ran through his head. His sworn brothers sect. His teeth grit against each other, once again feeling his heart ache from the bitter blade of abandonment, disdain, and betrayal. The heavy emotions whirled through him and always hit a wall right as he recalled his final moments. He dared not think any deeper about his last, spur of the moment decision. How could he? If he recalled how he scorned those who had regarded him with disdain and contempt... Never once had seen those kind of things in his sworn brothers eyes… Jin Guangyao grit his teeth harder, the corners of his eyes reddening. Lan Xichen… why? Why did you just accept a fate worse than death and lower your sword?! If.. If Jing Guangyao hadn’t done as he did, and shove him away…
A sharp pain shot through him, one that not even time would heal. His expression smoothed, becoming devoid of previous aggrieving thoughts. This blade was no stranger to him; having been stabbed by it many times before. The knife was said to hurt more when stabbed through the back… but those who spoke those words ought to have their tongues cut out. The fiends holding the titles of his friend, his father, his mentor… they all picked up that sword and chose to drive it into his heart one by one… but he never expected he would die from it. He was always meticulous and careful with his planning... He had always been watching as his enemies twisted it deeper into his chest; that knife of betrayal... Each time he would silently taste that pain; clench his jaw and give a fake smile. He would never forget the taste of bile... the taste of the bitterness it brought because he would pour that same bitterness down their throats. Forcing his enemies to taste the same blade he had been so well acquainted with. He just never expected the one person who always gently looked at him with equality would one day wield that very sword. That he’d have to look into Lan Xichen eyes, that soft, judgement free gaze; after it all had been revealed… His eyes dropped again to the floor as he choked back resentful sobs through his clenched teeth. Anyone… anyone but his sworn brother. He’d drag any one of those hateful individuals into that depth of unending despair… but not Lan Xichen… Why? Why had he not looked at Jin Guangyao with judgement after learning the truth? Why had there only been... pity? Sorrow? Sympathy?
’Lan Xichen… why were you so willing to just accept that kind of fate…?’
The voice sounded by the door again along with another.
”Lan Qian? Are you in there?”
”He probably won’t be coming, Shizui… let him grieve. It’s.. not been that long since-Ow! Why’d you pinch me?!”
Jin Guangyao quickly stood; his legs wobbling under him, and grabbed the door. He cracked it open and looked out at the two disciples who had been about to leave. Lan Shizui and Lan Jingyi both jumped at his sudden appearance. He stared at them both through the crack in the door, his face exhausted. Tears had long since dried down his pale, hollow cheeks, and his eyes were bloodshot, swollen with more he had been choking back.
Why would he open the door, exposing his wretched state to the other two young men? That one sentence: Let him grieve. Jin Guangyao was always quick on picking up the small details. Tying two and two together, he understood that the owner of this body had to be in seclusion... he must have experienced a significant loss. The young man he was currently residing in had been close to these favored disciples. It was clear that they were both concerned enough to check on him before lessons, seeing if he would join them or not. He could use this momentary disadvantage, display grief openly, and learn more about the man who offered his body to him. Jin Guangyao wasn’t unfamiliar with the body offering ritual that was used. He needed to learn more about this ‘Lan Qian’ to find the individuals that he wanted Jin Guangyao to exact his revenge upon or Jin Guangyao would lose his own soul… and his own chance to exact revenge himself. Lan Jingyi gaped at him in shock, not holding back his tone at all.
”Lan Qian! You look like a hanged ghost-ow!”
Lan Shizui pinched him again, shooting him a glance and then looking at Jin Guangyao with gentle eyes. Lan Shizui had always been a respectful, kind, young man, often reminding him of Lan Xichen. He spoke with concern etched in his voice.
“How are you doing today? Are you feeling well enough to attend morning lessons?” Jin Guangyao looked between the two of them, the corner of his lip twitching slightly. Lan Jingyi was rubbing his upper arm, feeling wronged and Lan Shizui was looking back at him with gentle concern, not at all remorseful.
Neither of the two had expected that he would actually come. He responded calm and quietly, “Yes, I’ll attend.” His voice was unfamiliar and sounded dry, cracking as though his throat was torn from screaming. They blinked at each other in surprise and Shizui quickly replied in a kind tone, gently placing his hand on Jin Guangyaos shoulder.
“You… you don’t have to force yourself, Lan Qian. Though, it would be nice if you attended. ZeWuJun expressed that he was concerned the other day.”
Jin Guangyaos right eye twitched at the name. ZeWuJun… Lan Xichen was a sect leader of uprising importance, yet given his virtuous nature, the idea of him expressing concern for an unimportant disciple wasn’t unimaginable. Had he been teaching lessons lately? Was he really concerned for this young man who willingly gave Jin Guangyao his body? Could he possibly be on Lan Qians hit list? That outcome would be the most unlikely. Yet he was sure thats how most felt about him when the veil of his mock innocence was lifted and his true nature was revealed to the world around him. Lan Xichen was someone who could be compared to sunlight reflecting off the morning dew. Gentle, warm, accepting, and welcoming. No… not if Lan Xichen was openly expressing concern about the boy. He couldn't possibly be someone this child desired to enact revenge upon. The thought seemed to drag a string of more along with it. His cold heart felt that bitter blade twist. He smiled in a grateful way at Lan Shizui; contrary to the inward feelings. Though, his face felt like it would crack from the dried tears, he did his utmost best to seem like an innocent and vulnerable child. “I’ll come today… let me wash my face and I’ll be out in a moment.”
Without waiting for their reply, Jin Guangyao shut the door timidly and turned around. Facing the whirlwind inside the room with cold eyes. He let out a small breath. Gracefully stepping over the blood marks on the floor and loose papers, reaching down and plucking up a small rag from beside his end table. Those slender eyes raked around the room landing on a vanity with a small mirror and a basin of water. This room was surprisingly filthy for being a lan disciples' quarters. He stepped back over the mess and dropped the rag into the basin. He wrung it out, glancing up at the unfamiliar face in the mirror. It was smeared with fingerprints and the dust seemingly settled on the vanity making Jin Guangyao feel nostalgic for the brothel he had once lingered. He could almost see the hazy silhouette of a beautiful woman, her back to him, pulling her hair up into a lavish style. She was alluring and poise like a mandarin duck casting a soft and refined gaze over her slender shoulder. Every time he looked in a mirror it was like looking into the past and seeing his mother’s hopeful face. Her prideful eyes looking at him as if longing for the day things would change. The one thing that woman taught him was that patiently waiting was fruitless unless you also meticulously planned and acted. To yearn for the future was the same as standing aside and watching it pass by. He looked into that mirror apprehensively, ready to see the stranger who needlessly involved him in this cruel world once again.
The face that stared back at him with pale, hollow eyes, was slender and young. His skin looked like white jade that had been blotched with mica powder around those thin eyes. They angled upward and were narrow, adjacent to his thin brows. He resembled a cat with these sharp features. Such a symmetrical face was fitting for the name Qian. Modest and humble.. The young man ‘Lan Qian’ must have been quite the looker when he wasn’t an emotional disaster. However, with how he looked now, he was like a macabre doll. Lan Jingyi wasn’t wrong, he really did look like a painted ghost or rather… like a fox demon in a human form. Jin Guangyao gently dabbed his sore eyes and sighed, feeling the swelling cool down.
As he washed his face delicately, his white sleeve fell again, revealing the deep cuts on his left arm. He stared at them for a moment with a cold, calculating gaze. Three people. Lan Qian wanted revenge on three individuals… What words were uttered when he was being pulled out of the abyss of suffering?
“…Why you’ve done what you’ve done… it matters not to me… please… just please fulfill my wish-“
‘What was your wish, you brat… learn to speak up!’ He grumbled inwardly as he tied his hair back and his forehead ribbon neatly, he glanced around the room, searching for anymore clues. The pages that were sprawled around the floor had incoherent drawings and half finished sentences written all over them, the rest were torn in a fit of frenzy. From what he could gather, Lan Qian had lost it over the recent death over his mother.
He quickly collected the papers and placed them inside the drawer of his end table. Using the same rag he had used to wash his face to scrub the bloodstains off the floor and tossed it into the trash. Stepping back and looking around the room again, checking for anything else he needed to get rid of. Once sure that all the evidence of the event had been disposed of or hidden away for later examination; he left the room again. Lan Shizui and Lan Jingyi were still waiting for him, casually talking and watching a cicada crawl up a wooden post. Lan Shizui smiled gently when he noticed him stepping out of the room now fully clean and presentable.
“Ready to go? HuangGuanJun will understand that we’re a little late… he’ll be happy that you’re attending today.” Jin Guangyao walked past him, asking over his shoulder as he headed towards the lecture hall. “Is HanGuanJun that understanding? I sure hope so...”
Lan Shizui and Lan Jingyi exchanged uncomfortable and confused glances. Lan Shizui spoke very gently.
”He’d understand… it’s only been a week since you’ve come back…”
He seemed to decide against finishing his sentence. Jin Guangyao raised an eyebrow in a coquettish manner and asked rather timidly, “HuanGuanJun is teaching today?”
They both followed behind him, their figures slightly taller than him. He felt a small prick of irritation. Even in this life; new body and all, he was still shorter than most. That Lan Qian had the nerve to summon his soul, with no regard of his own stature? Lan Jingyi responded, “yes. Old man Lan fell sick the other day and ZeWuJun… well… um…”
Lan Shizui shot him a warning glance and nudged him, lowering his voice as he chided, "It's fine in front of Master Wei, but aren't you getting a little bold calling Teacher Lan "old man" so openly?"
Jin Guangyao paused, forcing down his unease. He looked back at him curiously, “ZeWuJun what? Has something happened to Sect Leader Lan while I’ve been indisposed?”
Lan Jingyi glanced around as Lan Shizui stayed awkwardly silent. Both of them couldn’t help but find the way Lan Qian spoke rather odd, yet neither dared to take note of it. Traumatic events often take note and change people. They chalked it up to Lan Qian forcing maturity to mask his grief. Jin Guangyao, however, caught the looks in their eyes and mentally noted that Lan Qian must speak differently... Lan Jingyi then leaned forward and spoke softly, hoping to not be overheard by anyone passing by, yet his whispering was rather loud. “ZeWuJun returned from town the other day and he’s been acting strangely since… he hasn’t acted like this since his sworn brothers were sealed away.”
Jin Guangyao inwardly paled, stiffening as he listened. He looked at them both with a mask of concern and then pursued more information, keeping his tone steady.
“Why…?”
Lan Shizui suddenly shook his head, shooting Lan Jingyi a sharp glance, “we shouldn’t be speaking about this. It doesn’t concern us.”
Lan Jingyi ignored him and continued, “I heard the elders talking and it seemed like he ran into someone unexpected.”
His eyes narrowed curiously, “Someone unexpected? Who?”
Lan Shizui shook his head again and began to walk at a quick pace, passing Jin Guangyao. Lan Jingyi followed him, now next to Jin Guangyao, continuing his conversation.
“Don’t know, but it was enough for him to return a complete mess. He’s so lost in his own head he can’t even read the daily reports properly. Yesterday, I watched as he filled his teacup so full it started to pour over! It hasn’t been long since he just started seeming normal again. Lan Laoshi was so furious at the sight he fell ill. That’s why HanGuanJun is teaching today. Sect leader must have truly saw a ghost-“
It seemed Lan Shizui's warning about how Lan Jingyi had addressed Lan Qiren earlier was noted firmly yet he didn't escape another sharp remark.
Lan Shizui firmly interrupted. “Lan Jingyi, if someone hears you gossiping like this, you’ll be copying the rules till you’re old and gray.” Lan Jingyi firmly pressed his lips together, taking heed in the truth to his words.
Jin Guangyao closed his eyes as he felt the hairs on his arms rise. What were the odds that he would be resurrected right when Lan Xichen was suddenly acting strange? Just who had he run into that caused him to lose his ability to function properly during mundane tasks? Had he been made aware of Jin Guangyaos return somehow? Impossible… things were becoming more complicated by the second. He felt a slight pang of something in his chest. Could Lan Xichen be involved with his return? Was the situation different from before? Had his sworn brother been so torn by his loss that he deviated from his usual righteousness and took advantage of Lan Qian in a moment of weakness? Probably also impossible... That kind of wishful thinking was better off being mused about rather than seriously considered. Nevertheless, the fact that Lan Xichen was acting strange and had also asked about this Lan Qian… it was surely no coincidence. He slowed in his pace, suddenly feeling more so apprehensive about attending a class where HanGuanJun would be teaching, let alone being inside the Cloud Recesses at all.
The three of them arrived at the lecture hall where the other disciples were already sitting neatly by their desks. Jin Guangyao was firmly lost in thought, debating if he dared to take a step inside, or if the smartest move now would be to turn tail and flee. Reluctant, he opted that the safest route was to take the gamble that suspicion wasn’t roused. If anyone was aware of his real identity, it wouldn’t have been two mere disciples who came knocking on Lan Qians door. If he fled now, it would be a nail in a brand-new coffin, this time made only for him. HuangGuanJun had apparently stepped out for a moment, having to keep an orderly balance and juggle both his uncle and his brothers' duties. The twelve rows of desks sat three students each, all dawning the drastic white clothes and polished expressions of distinguished students. A few of them glanced at them while they sat down quietly near the front. Some of them murmured condolences to Jin Guangyao, who remained scarcely aware of whatever loss his vessel was currently suffering. Carefully opening their workbooks, the three of them joined the silent study session. Jin Guangyao mindlessly opened Lan Qians workbook, still lost in his previous worries, when he noticed something odd.
Lan Qians workbook was significantly empty. Confused, Jin Guangyao glanced over to Lan Jingyis booklet. His was filled about halfway full, lined with many lessons, some even already graded. After listening to the idle chatter of the other two on the way there, He found out an assortment of things. It had only been a week since Lan Qian had attended classes yet apparently, he had missed quite a lot of work. Jin Guangyao felt frustration at the idea of dwindling away his time trying to catch up on mediocre performances and waste time filling out homework he had already completed in the earlier years of his previous life. Maybe the time spent away from being alive dulled his ability to keep his expressions in check, or deep down somewhere he lost the urge to hide behind a mask. The look on his face didn’t go unnoticed and before his brush touched the paper a hand gently patted his shoulder.
Lan Shizui smiled empathetically at him, passing a sheet with what lessons he had missed written on it. A small note was at the bottom of the paper: ‘I’ll help you catch up in the library later, don’t be discouraged.’ Jin Guangyaos eyes glided across the note, pausing for a moment. There was no room for even the slightest act of character or change. In this life, whether he lived only long enough to exact his revenge, or until Lan Qians hair turned gray, he was determined to not play a role or act like a person capable of pleasing others anymore. He pushed the paper back towards Lan Shizui gently and resumed his work, making it clear he didn’t intend to accept help. In his previous lifetime, he learned a valuable lesson about what it meant to achieve things through his own personal hard work and the importance of not being in debt to others. However, the main reason he chose not to accept the work was that if a Lan teacher or elder saw him struggling more than Lan Qian had already presented, he risked being excluded from the sect. There was no room for someone who couldn’t properly manage or maintain his work in such a strict place.
Lan Shizui’s gentle smile faltered slightly, being replaced with worry rather than anger, but he returned to his own work quietly, not insisting that Jin Guangyao accept his help. Jin Guangyao lowered his lashes to look down at his workbook. He stared at the pale and slender hands of this vessel. These hands; to his best knowledge, hadn't yet been stained with the sin and immoral conduct of his corrupt soul... If he truly desired... he could relinquish all past ties and sufferings and step forward anew... HuanGuangJun opened the door to the lecture hall and entered quietly then. All of the students seemed to tense slightly. Even the sounds of their brushes against the paper moved quicker and quieter. Jin Guangyaos brush paused, his hair stood on end. Feeling hesitant to look up, he noticed how HuanGuangJun’s ethereal and tall figure paused for a moment before passing their desk silently. As he walked to the back of the room, he glanced over the students works. Through the curtain of thick lashes, Jin Guangyao watched as the embroidered hems of HuangGuangJuns robes, as well as the waterfall of black silky hair, swayed softly with his elegance.
In his previous lifetime, Jin Guangyao had never disliked Lan Wangji significantly. He didn’t regard him with any strong feelings for that matter. He was his sworn brothers quiet and awkward younger brother. Except for slight criticism over the strict desire to follow regulations with dutiful resilience; and the mild amusement over his strange taste in romantic entanglement, he really couldn’t have cared less about the man. However, this life was different now. Many say when one is bitten by a dog, they don’t reach again into that dog's food bowl, as if unaware of what would happen. He had felt the ferocious teeth this dog had to offer. His flesh had been so effortlessly sliced into by those sharp canines, never to mend again. Feeling his arm ache with a dull ghostly like pain as he recalled the sudden weightlessness. The hairs on the back of his neck rose with the uncomfortable shock that had followed after the loss of his limb, as if a strange calm had flooded him... the waves of adrenaline. He could still hear the noise of Bichen slicing through that very arm effortlessly. That icy sword was the fang of utter intolerance to anything falling short of conducting in a lawfully good manner.
Jin Guangyao swallowed hard and continued to work on the booklet, his eyes feeling tired from the crying. A headache pounded behind them, as if the owner of this body was still present, violently trying to bust out of Jin Guangyaos mind. The hours ticked by slowly as he fought to keep his thoughts collected. The presence of one of his executioners was as though blizzard winds berated his back with sharp ice and snow. The buzzing in his ears gradually dimmed as HaungGuangJun continued to the back of the hall and silenced once he had sat down calmly at his table, reaching out and shuffling papers. Jin Guangyao swallowed hard, the cold sweat dripping down his back. If everyone knew his real identity, he would have been dealt with just then. He couldn’t do much about Lan Xichens strange behavior or the possibility that he knew about him, but it seemed that Lan Wangji was still unaware. Having not dragged him out, presenting him to another untimely death. He forced himself to remain calm and moved his mind somewhere else. Lan Qians enemies. He glanced at Lan Shizui and Lan Jingyi before looking back down at his work. It couldn’t be these two… it seemed more like they were only trying to watch over him out of obligation.
Jin Guangyao chewed his lip quietly musing. How strange that a disciple of the Lan sect would even attempt such a grueling and crooked ritual. It was quite perplexing. The Lan sect was a quiet and often peaceful place. The residents of this sect were not known for anything but their strict principles. He’d even go as far to say the rule of no fighting was simply applicable to outsiders who came to study abroad. It was very unheard of that hostility lurked in this sect. Even Su She bit his tongue and drank the bitter vinegar of envy in silence as he resided here. Who could Lan Qian have hated so deeply as to give his body away to the most renowned villain of this time? Maybe the presence of the Yiling Patriarch was now starting to spill over these pure white ribbons, dying them red...