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“Welcome, friend! It is so good to see you!” The Weequay pirate looked up from his tinkering to raise his wrenches and screwdrivers in jubilant greeting.
Maul retreated as fast as his six sharp, heavy clanker limbs would carry him.
“Where are you going?” Hondo’s wacky accent followed Maul, bouncing off the walls of the sandstone crevasse. In low, honeyed words, he said, “I wasn’t kidding. I have the Sith holocron.”
Cursing himself, Maul gave in to the enticing offer, groaning and clattering back to Hondo’s experiment, sparking and crackling dangerously. “What is all this?” the Zabrak growled.
Hondo waited patiently for him to return, seated upon a crate counting his credits.
Maul waited. And waited. And waited. “Well?” he yelled, throwing his arms up in frustration.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk, patience, my friend,” Hondo scolded, wagging his finger at the former Sith Lord, testing his luck in every way. “I found a way to track my dear apprentice!”
“My apprentice,” Maul couldn’t help but correct him, despite how petty he knew he must sound.
“Sure, sure, whatever floats your boat, now! We have serious business to attend to! Here, have a gift!” Hondo attempted to shove something into Maul’s chest.
Sputtering and shoving him away, Maul roared, “What are you doing, you idiot pirate?” instinct making him reach for the hilt he had long since lost.
“Calm down! Don’t worry! Have no fear, for Hondo Ohnaka will be joining you in this daring adventure!” Hondo presented two corners of a Sith holocron, one in each wrinkly, spiked palm.
Maul glared at him, disbelieving. “You want me to cram it in my chest?”
Hondo threw an arm around Maul’s shoulders and clapped them roughly. “That’s right, my friend! Now you’re getting it! Good job, we’re proud, such quick thinking on your feet!”
Glaring even harder, though the pirate seemed to be immune, Maul finally conceded. “Fine. But we both go at the same time.”
“Agreed!” Hondo declared, shoving one of the holocron corners into Maul’s hand, then holding his own to his chest.
With one final suspicious stare, Maul and Hondo pressed the corners into their hearts at the same time.
The power of a holocron was never meant to be held within a mere mortal’s body, not even a former Sith lord. It stabbed and scraped and tore at Maul’s chest, and, once it settled, its heat radiated pain through his entire torso.
Hondo, meanwhile, suffered no ill effects. “Hehe, sorry my friend! According to this Bendu-creature from which I have traded this artifact, it has no effect on creatures who are not force-sensitive!”
Panting, Maul gasped, “Why—would—you—make—me—do—this—you—IDIOT—PIRATE!!!”
Steepling his fingers, Hondo spoke low and slow. “Now, my dear rival, we are chained, not only to one another, but to our mutual former apprentice.”
Almost unable to believe his luck, Maul reeled at the prospect that this credits-obsessed outlaw had somehow stumbled into a solution that had escaped even himself. Slipping back into the insanity that had gripped him while he was trapped on Malachor, he muttered, “No… It cannot be…”
“That’s right, my friend!” Hondo rejoiced, hopping around his strange device. “Our dear Jabba brought with him pieces of an old Jedi temple, to which this Sith holocron is tied!”
The pain almost prevented Maul from feeling a spark of hope, yet, he reminded himself that all pirates, but Hondo especially, were known for offering false promises. “What do you get out of all this?”
Finally removing his goggles, the Weequay stared at him intensely, eye to eye. “I get my apprentice back. And we make a fortune together!”
“My apprentice!” Maul repeated. “If Ezra resonates with the darkness of the Sith holocron again, he’ll be mine, all mine! The power of a few lousy credits pale in comparison to the power of the Sith, and we can take it all together!”
“Yes, yes, exactly!” Hondo raised his finger in the air. “We can stage a show, the evil red monster horned Sith dude descends, only for the good Jedi Jabba to rescue the poor, unsuspecting spectators! Light shows and heroics! Nobody can believe their eyes!” He mimed waving a lightsaber around.
Maul grabbed the idiot by the shirt again, sick of all his prancing around. “And how exactly does any of that benefit me?”
Hondo patted his hand cordially, as if this was a friendly conversation. “Jabba collects the credits, and we all share in the profits! Loot all around!”
“Are you serious?” Maul growled. “My apprentice and I are destined for much greater things than your petty circus scams!”
“Hmm, perhaps someday,” Hondo said ominously. “But it may be many years before dear Jabba is willing to return to Ezra’s life of galactic heroics. He wants to run. At least for now, he’ll choose me.”
“You’re wrong!” Tossing the pirate against a crate, Maul yelled, “The time is now! I feel it within me!”
“Yes,” Hondo said, coughing and clutching his chest. “You feel it within your heart, do you not?”
Maul glared.
“That’s the Sith holocron affecting you.” Hondo stood and straightened out his clothes. “A bit of old magic from your own homeland. I’m surprised you don’t recognize it.”
Maul was too furious to reply.
Barely above a whisper, Hondo said, “Until the magic fades, you and I, together we are chained.”
Maul knew this was true. Within his body, he felt the pull towards Ezra… but he was in a galaxy far, far away. “Young Ezra is beyond our reach.”
“Now, that’s where you’re wrong,” Hondo said conspiratorially. “Our ride should be arriving shortly.” He gestured at the sky.
There, Maul saw a fleet of Purrgil, barreling straight toward them, their big ugly heads with tiny eyes on the sides, their tentacles flowing, fluid, with their hyperspace accelerators glowing green-blue within their gelatinous lengths. Incredulous, he sputtered, “How…? What…? When…?”
Hondo laughed uproariously. “What an excellent start! Now, let us try to catch our ride!”
“Try to—What?!?”
Dragging Maul by the arm, Hondo boarded his bare-bones dinghy of a starship. “Come, now! We must follow our dear apprentice’s example: the Purrgil rodeo transit system!” He strapped himself in and beeped and booped at lots of buttons.
There was no seat for Maul, so he braced himself, holding on to the ceiling handles.
The dinghy chased the Purrgil, sputtering and swerving, and, surprising no one, the Purrgil outran it and jumped to hyperspace without them. The pilot grinned guiltily.
“How…? What…? When…?” Maul looked around. They were back at Hondo’s makeshift base with all of its weird doodads.
“Excellent! Great success!” Hondo clapped his hands together. “Let us commence attempt number two!”
“Attempt number… You idiot! You trapped us in a time loop!” Maul demanded, refusing to board the dinghy this time. “How are we supposed to get out?”
Hondo grinned dangerously. “There is only one way out: aboard a Purrgil, jumping to intergalactic hyperspace.”
Maul gaped.
“Well,” Hondo said, fetching two Meilooruns from a nearby crate and handing one to Maul. “We’ve missed our window to catch them for this loop, so we may as well shoot the breeze and have ourselves a snack!”
“I do not want a snack!” Maul knocked the accursed fruit from Hondo’s hand with a wide swipe of his arm. “There is a Sith holocron burning in my chest!”
“Oh, right,” Hondo chuckled. “Apologies, friend, that totally slipped my mind! Very well, do as you please until the next loop begins.” He crunched his fruit obnoxiously.
With no other choice, Maul skulked away to examine Hondo’s device. Not only did it send the Purrgil a subspace signal, but it created a time loop that could only be broken out of by a jump to hyperspace. He had to reluctantly admit; the plan was genius. Who could have predicted trading information on Ezra’s involvement with the crumbled Jedi temple and the Purrgil with a damn Weequay pirate would be a good decision? At the time, Maul had chalked it up to sleep-deprived desperation.
“How…? What…? When…?” Maul was back, facing Hondo, at the center of the makeshift machinery where the loop always began. He briefly considered trying to find a way to escape without Hondo, but the pulsing pain from the holocron warned him that wouldn’t be wise. He was stuck here, until he could escape from the time loop and let the magic wear off.
“Come along, before we miss them again!” Hondo beckoned.
Maul followed, and once they were in flight, demanded, “You didn’t build that on your own, you idiot pirate! Who taught you how to do that?”
Ever the shifty schemer, Hondo squawked, “Well, technically, I may have borrowed the schematics from an old partner in crime. But, hey, it’s going to a good cause. She’ll be almost as pleased as we to know that dear Jabba is safe once again!”
“Wha—”
“How…? What…? When…?” Maul cursed himself for speaking such incoherent babble just as the loop began. He felt such a fool, each time the words spilled from his mouth.
“Righto! Third time’s the charm!” Again, Hondo dragged Maul into the dinghy.
Again, they failed to catch the Purrgil.
“How…? What…? When…?”
Again.
“How…? What…? When…?”
Again.
“How…? What…? When…?”
Again.
“How…? What…? When…?”
Maul gave up. Time still appeared to be passing for them, so perhaps the Nightsister magic holding the holocron corner in his chest would wear off, and he’d be able to attempt an escape.
“How…? What…? When…?”
After more loops than Maul could count, the magic still hadn’t worn off. He sighed. “This is getting us nowhere. Don’t you have a backup plan?”
“Hmm…” Hondo said, taking on a wise, sage tone. “I suppose, perhaps, it may have been unwise to attempt this journey without the engineer present to supervise and improvise as needed.”
“So, you don’t have a backup plan, do you?” Maul roared, charging at the pirate.
Hondo shrugged, giggled, and said, “Oops. Good thing you’re a pretty handy guy, eh?”
Maul flew into a rage and ripped the makeshift mechanism to shreds. He tore it apart, piece by piece, certain something must break an essential part, then waited, panting.
“How…? What…? When…?”
A howl of fury ripped from Maul’s throat.
Everything was right back where it had been before.
Hondo tilted his head and stared.
Maul took the loop off to sulk.
“How…? What…? When…?”
This time, Maul got to work. If things were going to reset each loop, the most important thing to prioritize was the ability to assemble the pieces rapidly.
“How…? What…? When…?”
A few loops later, they had a Purrgil harpoon to test out.
“How…? What…? When…?”
Many loops later, Maul nearly lost hope.
“How…? What…? When…?”
Countless loops later, Maul sacrificed four of his legs. He was, just barely, still mobile on just two of the strange crab droid legs.
“How…? What…? When…?”
Maul gave up. After sacrificing his legs, over and over, faster and faster with each try, no matter what he did, he couldn’t harpoon a Purrgil. He sat, staring, dazed, at an electric charge that buzzed between two wires.
Hondo sat beside him. “You know what my dear apprentice Jabba would say?”
Maul didn’t dignify that with a response.
Hondo continued. “He’d suggest the humane option.”
Maul glared.
Hondo shrugged. “What? Effective is effective, and Jabba’s methods certainly produce results, don’t they, my friend? Why not give it a try?”
Maul sighed. “Fine.”
“How…? What…? When…?”
This time, Maul fashioned a big old lasso.
“How…? What…? When…?”
A few tries later, they were whisked off to another galaxy, a Purrgil holding the lasso in its mouth and treating their dinghy as a pull toy. The big, ugly brute blinked at them, as if pleased with itself, its tentacles alight in flight.
Clapping Maul on the shoulder, Hondo said, “There, you see? Effective is effective!”
Maul sighed. He’d be able to relax when it had been long enough to be sure they wouldn’t still reset to that accursed blunder in time.
Minutes of silence stretched on into hours. The dinghy rattled and shook as they ripped through hyperspace, but Maul was too flooded with anticipatory ambition to feal any fear. What could he and Ezra accomplish when they were reunited?
Finally, the holocron corners emerged from their chests, again, painfully ripping through Maul’s, while passing through Hondo’s as if it were merely a hologram.
Satisfied that they were free, Maul asked, “You did install a self-destruct device on that time loop that will automatically go off when we clear the bubble, right?”
“Ahh…” Hondo held up a finger for a long moment. “Well, no. No, I did not do that. No, I did not.”
Maul glared.
Hondo shrugged. “Oh well. That’ll be someone else’s problem to engineer their way out of!” He laughed, then cleared his throat. “Remind me never to go back there.”
Maul sighed. Fittingly irresponsible. Oh well. He had an apprentice to entice to the dark side, so the Sith may rise once again, in a fresh new galaxy far, far away…