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The first rays of the Sun are coloring the sky purple, pink, orange, and Shouto sits in the window frame of the bedroom Fuyumi got for him and Tenya to share. It’s winter now; it gets colder by the edge of the ocean, the beach mostly empty, but they didn’t have a plan when they stepped out, packed their bags, and took Fuyumi's car.
This is not something they thought out beforehand. Both Natsuo and Fuyumi had to ask for a few days off at their job, and Shouto and Tenya had to let Aizawa know they wouldn’t be around. Shouto doesn’t think it’s something that would’ve been so easy to ask for, usually, but—
Well. They’re Endeavor's kids, and their sibling has died.
The doctors said he lived a lot more than they expected him to. It was almost a long year of slow death, extended suffering. Natsuo said Touya was long gone even before he died, anyway; Fuyumi confessed, quietly, she wished it happened sooner.
Shouto still hasn’t decided how he feels about it.
It was difficult to walk inside that hospital room as often as he could, sit down in front of him to talk, and watch as Touya slowly deteriorated; by the end of it, he couldn’t even reply anymore. It wasn’t a nice sight. Shouto and their Mom were the only people who still dared to go visit him until the last moment. Enji tried, but.
So Shouto wanted Touya to stop suffering, but there was a part of him that wished, selfishly, childishly, that Touya would stay. He wanted to have more time to sit in front of him, get to know who his brother was, instead of being haunted by the ghost of a brother he barely remembered.
So, on one hand, he is glad Touya isn’t here anymore. It was always going to end one day, they knew that, and there was no way Touya could be happy in that situation. But he missed him. He held him only for a few months; now, there’s a whole life ahead of him in which he won’t have him anymore.
This little trip was all Fuyumi's idea. She said, between tears and hiccups, What if we go away for a little while?, and so they did. When the engine started, none of them knew where they would end up.
“Shouto?” Tenya calls from the bed.
The air is cold inside of the room. Shouto has been regulating his own body temperature instinctively, but he’s aware of the temperature around him. There are a few clouds in the horizon; they threaten to paint the sky grey. The Sun, stubbornly, fights to shine through them.
“Yes?” he replies quietly.
“Are you okay?”
Shouto thinks he is, somehow.
He’s not sad. Not as sad as he believes he should be. There's a dull ache in his chest, constantly present, but not immobilizing. He doesn’t feel like the sky has fallen over them, he doesn’t feel empty. He’s not as broken as Fuyumi appeared on the day of his death, and he’s not as angry as Natsuo has been towards Enji for as long as Shouto remembers.
He doesn’t feel anything too strong at all. If anything, he’s glad he got to know Touya, however briefly. That they got that time. It was never going to be enough, but Shouto has had it worse—he had spent an entire life missing Touya before he even got to know him at all.
Tenya didn’t have any obligation to follow them here. Shouto didn't ask him to; he told him they were going to go on a small trip, and Tenya asked if he could join. Shouto doesn’t know if he’s doing this because he’s worried or he just wants to be there during this moment.
Either way, he’s a calming presence. Even if everything was falling apart, Shouto knows he can trust him to be there to support his weight, to help him stand. It helps to have him here, even if it's just to sit by his side.
“I think so,” Shouto replies honestly. Everyone cried when Touya died, but he didn’t. Not because he wasn’t sad. He just didn’t know how to express it. Now, there’s a hint of pain settled in his chest, but he believes it will be okay. Staring into the horizon, he comments, “It looks like it's going to rain.”
Tenya walks closer, stops beside the window, and holds Shouto's shoulder with a hand. The touch is soft, careful; it's grounding. Shouto breathes.
Thoughtful, Tenya says, “We should be careful, then.”
Shouto hums. He rests his head back against the window frame, lets his leg hang out. There’s silence all around them. The air smells like the sea.
“Are you cold?” he asks. Turning his attention away from the clouds, the storm that awaits them. Turning his attention away from all the storms they have moved past.
“A bit.” He squeezes his shoulder, then lets him go. “You should come inside.”
Shouto obeys. He stands back inside the room, taking Tenya's hand on his own. He tries to send him some warmth, stepping a bit closer. Tenya leans in, pressing his lips to his forehead to give it a kiss.
“I could give you your hoodie back,” he mutters softly. The hoodie is big on him; Tenya is both broader and taller than he is. It’s warm, but Shouto doesn’t really need it.
Tenya shakes his head. “It’s okay.” A soft caress of his thumb follows his words, rough skin against his knuckles. It pulls a weak smile out of Shouto. “You said you wanted to walk down the beachside?”
Shouto commented, by passing, that he would like to walk outside at sunrise when they got here. Natsuo, who likes the beach but prefers it during summer (“Like a normal person,” he said pointedly, zipping his coat all the way up and hiding half his face under it), decided that Shouto must be insane to want to walk through this cold at all.
Maybe this is the reason why he’s out of bed so early even though he promised he would try to sleep in a bit during this small vacation. Maybe he, like Shouto, has not slept at all. Shouto had a hard time closing his eyes last night; the memories were still burning at the front line of his mind, ready to replay again and again. He’s not ready to confront them just yet.
There’s a small nod, and his eyes flicker towards the window again.
“But it's cold outside.”
Tenya points to his bags; he brought more to this trip than Shouto and his siblings together, because he says it doesn’t hurt to be overprepared.
“I have my winter clothes. And I believe you can keep me warm.”
Shouto’s lips twitch again. “Only if you stand close,” he points out.
Tenya nods once, decidedly, like that was an order. “Will do.”
Shouto lets Tenya go prepare to start the day, and once he’s ready, all dressed up in clothes that make his movements more stiff than they already are, they leave the shared cabin and walk down towards the shore.
The Sun is already out by then, and the clouds keep fighting to hide it. The sky looks a bit dull. They might have a while longer before the storm forms.
Tenya takes his hand on his own, and they walk side by side. The wind is strong, and the waves are big. Tenya adjusts his beanie; Shouto’s hair is all tousled up, and the strong air makes him squint.
“Maybe this was not a good idea,” he says. He doesn’t hate it; the weather is not ideal, but he can watch as the waves dance, hitting the rocks, and the horizon extends all before him. He just thinks Tenya might not like this.
(There’s a voice, quiet and sometimes easier to ignore, that keeps reminding him everything Tenya has done—from taking him to his family to sit down in his bedroom as Shouto stared into nothing for hours to waiting outside Touya’s room a few times—, every effort he has made for his sake, and makes him wonder, is it worth it?
Is this worth enough for Tenya to leave his life on pause just so he can support Shouto through this? Just so Shouto can watch the waves hit the rocks and think of a brother he’s lost again and again?)
Tenya's hold tightens just slightly.
“I think it is nice,” he says like he means it. When Shouto turns to look at him, almost incredulous, he finds him staring into the sky. “I enjoy being here with you.”
Shouto knows that to be true. When the night after the war ended Shouto sat at the edge of his bed and told him he didn’t need to be there, Tenya replied, But I want to. Like it's not heavy work at all.
So maybe Shouto is not a heavy burden to carry. Maybe Tenya wants to be with him through it all.
Maybe this is what love should look like.
“I like that you’re here,” Shouto confesses, his voice quiet, like he expects his words to be carried away by the wind.
There’s a small pause before Tenya pulls him closer, letting go of his hand just to hug him.
“I will always be,” he promises.
And the sky is dull and grey, but the Sun still shines; and the clouds might be there today, and tomorrow, but they will be gone some day.
Shouto finds it easier to stand it all, if Tenya is holding him.