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No homo by the way

Summary:

Aiku is the worst person possible to see the current trend going around. Not because he's stupid and will hop on the trend right away, that's not the issue. The issue is that Aiku drags Barou into every single thing. And Barou does not want to play a fucking cake game.

If Aiku dies, Barou does not claim liability.

 

OR

Ubers hear me out cake! Aiku is a bastard, Niko is devious, Barou is pissed. The rest are there for the ride!

Notes:

I finished this part surprisingly fast... I had a plot planned out a bit but that got lost so here's whatever the hell this fic turned into

hope it's enjoyable!! :3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Psychology in humans is truly interesting. People see something twice and jump in the bandwagon, joining the trend. In their minds, it doesn’t matter how it starts or how it ends, as long as it’s fun along the way. And the fun must be had.

Hence the reason Oliver Aiku finds himself on his knees begging for the Barou Shouei to join his “fun” little idea of a hear me out cake.

Does said man accept?

Hell no he doesn’t. He even kicked Aiku out of his room and barricaded the door.

Aiku admitted defeat and went to gather his other teammates.

And then went back and kidnapped King Barou.

 

Knock Knock

“Come in!”

The door opens in a swift motion and enters four willing people and one in ropes.

“Oh dear.” Snuffy’s jaw drops with concern.

“BAHAHA!!!” The room’s second original tenant bursts out in loud laughter. “OH MY GOD!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!” He laughs so hard he has to hold his stomach and stop himself from falling out of his seat.

Barou, in his restraints, tries to protest, to say anything to the man laughing at him. But he can’t, duct tape covers his mouth like he’s some sort of kidnapped kid.

“Do I want to know?” The coach crosses his arms after the surprise wears off, he leans back in his chair a bit more comfortably.

“Yo my man Snuff Snuff.” Aiku grins all toothy, mischief painted all over his dumb ass face. “Any chance we can host a small event in one of the spare rooms?”

Now that’s a bit shocking, “An event?”

“OH!” Lorenzo jumps up, sitting up right. “Is it that cake thing that two other teams have done?”

“Yup!” Sendou gives the zombie a cheeky smirk.

“Oh I so want part of this~” The gold-toothed man looks towards Snuffy with stars in his eyes, “Pleaseeeeeeeeeee~?”

Snuffy only huffs out small laughter, smiling in the process. “Who am I to tell my precious players no? Go have fun kiddos!”

The group –minus Barou obviously– cheer.

“Want to join, Master Snuffy?” Niko politely asks with a small tilt of his head.

“Hmm,” The man ponders, “I feel I’d be in the way of you all's fun?”

“No way! You’re too glam to get in our way of fun!!” “Of course not! You’re the coolest??” “You’re THE man Snuff Snuff??” Aryu, Sendou and Aiku protest.

“Well if you want me too, how about I join after my meeting with Chris and Lavinho?”

The four of them salute. “We’ll be waiting!” Sendou grins.

“Alrighty! Lorenzo! Can ya get us a cake?” Aiku winks.

 

The ace eater was quick to get a cake, a simple chocolate cake with pink and white icing. He himself actually helped the baker lady decorate it. After getting the cake, the group meets up in the agreed spare room. It’s empty, just a table and a few scattered chairs around.

Once everyone is inside and the cake is on the table, Aiku signals for Sendou to lock the door.

Now Blue Lock’s doors are all automatic or have buttons to open them.

This room however? The bane of Barou’s existence. This room needs a key.

To ensure Barou cannot leave the room after he gets untied, Aryu covered his eyes as Sendou hid the key. Once hidden, the beast gets freed.

“I’ll kill all of you.”

“Aww is Barou-chan angry~” Lorenzo teases, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Put those trashy ass teeth away before I knock them out.” Barou huffs, his distaste for the man evident.

“Wait a second,” Niko speaks up as he fiddles with his photographs, “we didn’t let Barou print out pictures…”

“I didn’t want to play anyway.”

“Don’t worry!” Aiku shuffles over, draping himself onto Barou. “I did that for him~”

A big, angry vein pops out on the King’s forehead. An eye twitch following. “Huh? Do you have a death wish?”

Aiku simply ignores him, handing him the photos for him to go through.

“Why are there so many of you?” The King speaks with disgust.

“Cause you love me.” “The fuck I do.” “You like meeee, you wanna kiss meeeee~” “Jump off the roof.”

“I love their bond~” Lorenzo smiles wholesomely, “I don’t love the fact he’s taking Barou-chan from me though. Rude!”

“Why is everyone gay for Barou?” Niko sighs, “Whatever, can we start already?”

“Not until I get to have my own photos. I’m not using these.” Barou throws them to the ground. As the pictures hit the floor, it’s clear as day that every single photo is just of Aiku. Plus one single Isagi, though his face is covered with Aiku’s face.

“Dude, what the hell.” Sendou judges.

 

After a small break for Barou to get his photos printed –which Niko had to leave the room to retrieve, which meant Barou had to be tied up again so he couldn’t see the key– the game can finally begin.

“‘Kay, who’s first?” Aryu puts the words out there, looking around at the others.

“Well he is the King.” Niko shrugs.

“I’ll choke you out, I swear to god.” The beast huffs, stepping up to the cake anyway, he angrily puts his first photo and crosses his arms.

Aiku and Lorenzo whistle. “Peak taste!” “Well look at that!” They speak at the same time.

“Indeed a glam choice! Isagi deserves to be first!” Aryu dramatically poses in glam.

“He’s better then y’alls dumbasses so of course he’s my first pick.” The King clicks his tongue. “Now hurry up.”

Aiku chuckles as he plants his photo into the cake, afterwards he sends Sendou a wink with a ‘call me’ hand signal.

Sendou flusters up, poorly covering his red face.

“You two are already dating.” Niko grimaces. He hates third-wheeling these two.

“Shut it!!” The Hollywood star lover shouts. He clears his throat before adding his picture. It’s no surprise that it’s Aiku.

“And he’s meant to be the straight one? Yeah right.” Barou scoffs.

“Well, being in a building with so many men will do that to ya.” The Italian shrugs. “I know it’s making me think things~” He sends a flirtatious wink Barou’s way. He gags.

Pretty sure Sendou and Aiku were gay together before getting put in here but ok… Niko mentally judges the two.

With some fancy sparkles, Aryu puts his pic next. To no one’s surprise, it’s his anxiety filled man. For extra flavor, “No one better get ideas about him.” He says with a flick of his long hair.

“Ain’t no one want that.” “Your opinion isn’t needed! Unglam!” Barou scoffs, again.

“My turn!!” Lorenzo smiles cutely with excitement. He very happily puts his photo into the cake and claps his hands afterwards.

“Gay.” Sendou nods in agreement with Niko’s words.

“Tch.”

“At a loss of words, King~?” Aiku teases the bundle of joy.

“I’ll hit you.” Barou looks away, he does his utmost to not react to the fact Lorenzo put a picture of him. It’s not like he likes that uglyass or anything. No way.

“So scawryyy!!!” He dumbs his voice down to that of a child's. Barou’s eye twitches again.

Niko takes his chance with the small distraction to add his picture, he fondly smiles at it as he gently places it.

“Aww~” Aryu coos, “That’s so cute! That’s the French kid, right?”

“Yeah. Charles.” The banged boy smiles to himself, the photo he added is one of his favorites of the other. Charles smiles so brightly in it, a smile directly for Niko himself.

With calmness being brought back to the room, they have a quick speedround only because no one could think of sly remarks.

Barou added a picture of Chigiri, Aiku added Sae, Sendou added Yukimiya –he claimed that he’s really pretty and that it’s in a no homo way– Aryu put Gagamaru, Lorenzo put another picture of Barou and Niko added Reo saying that he respected the guy.

It was when the third round began with Barou’s turn did stuff get interesting.

The King masked his expression with one of anger as he roughly stabbed the cake with his picture, he stepped back to his spot and refused to comment.

“YO!” Sendou gasped, “NO WAY?”

Aiku and Niko shared a similar shocked face, Aryu only smiled in a knowing way.

Lorenzo though, his chill-like smile faltered. Barou of all people, the man he actually had a genuine crush on, added a photo of him. And not just any picture either, a good picture, a picture from a model shoot he did last year. The main fact though, is that this photo isn’t even well known, it went under the radar.

Meaning Barou searched specifically for it. Or went through a deep dive through Lorenzo’s instagram posts.

“Do you have marriage plans? I want you.” The zombie speaks out right.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Barou yells even as his cheeks flush, “Maybe brush your fucking teeth and I’d give it a bit of thought. Tch.”

“I brush my teeeeeeeth.” He frowns. Barou only scoffs, signaling for the next to go and for the conversation to be dropped.

With a sly grin –he wants to tease Barou about Lorenzo so bad– Aiku steps up and adds his next picture. “I’d fuck you bro.”

“No thank you.” The King turns him down bluntly.

Niko cocks his head to the side, he’s been cooking up an idea in his head. “Barou x Lorenzo x Aiku. Enemies to lovers, eighty thousand words.”

Two of those people entertain the idea, Sendou even supports it.

It’s obvious who gets pissed off.

 

With a calmer version of Barou, the game can continue. The previous U20 ace steps to the cake and puts his picture.

“Holy shit, someone added a woman finally!” Niko says with genuine surprise. “Guess you really are the only bisexual here.”

“Eh?” Sendou furrows his brows, “The fuck that supposed to mean? I’ve been bisexual for a long time now!!”

The woman picture in question, it’s a fabulous photo. A gorgeous woman with reddish-pink hair, wonderful teal eyes and the most perfect long underlashes.

It’s until this detail gets noticed by Aryu does he raise the question, "Isn't that just Itoshi Sae?”

Sendou coughs into his hand, avoiding the question and avoiding looking at the tall, glam man.

“Scratch that then,” Niko shrugs, “gay as any of us.”

“SHUT UP!!”

Aiku and Lorenzo can only giggle, Barou –for his own sanity– doesn’t entertain the nonsense.

After the laughter dies out, Aryu puts his photo. It’s actually pretty shocking how this cake is going. Usually there’s already fifty photos of Isagi.

Put this time there’s a ton of Barou pictures.

“Everyone really is gay for the King on this team, huh?” NIko mumbles to himself, thinking about how he can add this to his Barou x All fanfiction.

Lorenzo smirks as Barou’s angered face, already knowing he’s about to piss the King off even more. He brings himself to the cake, digs in his jacket pocket, brings out a folded up paper and unfolds it before sticking it in the cake.

Aiku’s eyes widen, in a split second he grabs Barou just as the beast himself goes to grab the cake –hoping to throw it at Lorenzo. Aryu joins in quick, holding the lion back as said lion curses like a sailor.

And Lorenzo decides to make it worse.

The Italian slowly takes out his translators and sticks out his tongue with a mocking, “Can’t hear you~” in a sing-song voice.

Niko and Sendou can only pray that this cake doesn’t get thrown across the room before they finish their game.

 

With yet again, another break for Barou to get calm, the game resumes once more. Niko quickly adds in a picture of Isagi, refusing to comment about it and swatting Aiku’s teasings away, trying to speed up into the next round. Barou adds his next photo as well, it’s a simple picture of Aryu with a pretty smile. Aryu blushes lightly at the gesture.

Next however… Aiku decides to spice things up a bit as he opts to add an interesting photo right next to the big, slightly crumpled up picture of Barou sleeping and drooling that Lorenzo added. The man with heterophobia in his eyes grins in triumph.

We can’t even go a single round without pissing him off!! Sendou thinks frantically, eyeing the new picture of Barou in a maid dress.

To everyone’s surprise, he doesn’t react.

Barou simply closes his eyes and pretends he does not see it.

Why?

That’s a very simple answer.

He’s thinking about the consequences of his next action. Not that he really cares in all honesty. He didn’t want to play this childish, unsanitary game anyway.

It’s not like Barou will eat any of that disgusting, room temperature, germ filled cake anyway.

He opens his eyes, glaring daggers at Aiku before he grabs the cake plate,

and throws it straight at Aiku’s face.

Cake, icing, pictures go flying everywhere. And a key, but no one pays attention to that.

The rest of the group can only watch as Aiku gets taken out by the impact, do they help him though? God no. Niko instinctively takes out his phone to take pictures of Aiku flailing to the ground.

 

Snuffy walked in at the very wrong time. He had a key to the room so he got to waltz right in. But he wasn’t expecting what he walked in on. Aiku’s on the floor, Snuffy can tell that he was dragged across the floor to be in the center of the room. Snuffy can also tell that there is no longer a cake.

Just a passed out Aiku with cake and icing on his face, neck and chest. Of course the photos that the group added to the cake –when it was ‘alive’– are on Aiku as well. And instead of the teenagers standing around a table, they now sit around Aiku as if he’s a campfire or something.

“Great.” Snuffy speaks with an amused smile, god does he love his team. “I see I got here before the game ended!”

“Hi Snufffffy!” Lorenzo is the first to greet their coach, he pats an empty space next to him and Barou for Snuffy to sit. So the man does just that, he walks over –careful to not slip on icing– and sits down.

“Is Aiku not joining us?” The Master Striker says as if the subject of his question isn’t two inches in front of him.

“He had to leave.” Barou scoffs, arms crossed to his chest. “I hope he’s off dead somewhere.”

“He’ll surely be dead from suffocation soon.” Niko shrugs.

“Guess we should finish this game quickly then, yeah?” Snuffy can only smile at his prized players, he truly is a happy father of six, soon to be five if they don’t hurry.

“Right!” Sendou smiles brightly at his favorite coach ever, “Since he left, you can take his turn! You’re up~”

The oldest in the room nods, bringing one of his few photos out from his pocket, he hands it to Niko –who’s the closest to the ‘cake’– for him to stick in. Snuffy can only smile at his first choice, very clearly proud of himself.

“Ronaldo? GLAM!” Aryu announces his support.

“He’s pretty damn cool.” Is all Snuffy comments as he waits for the next person to go.

The red head of the group takes his next picture and roughly stabs it into the cake. He smirks seeing Barou’s eye twitch in slight rage. The picture he added was of Isagi, to be exact it’s a selfie Sendou took with Isagi. Sendou didn’t bother to crop himself out of the pic.

“My self being in that photo is a bonus. I’d crack myself crazy style.”

“T M I, Sendou.” Aryu shakes his head as Lorenzo laughs out loud. Through his disappointment in Sendou’s crude words, Aryu leans forward to put his next and final picture. “This is my last glamtastic photograph!” He poses with sparkles.

To everyone’s surprise, the photo is something so unlike Aryu that it actually stuns them.

It’s a picture of Sally.

The car… from Cars…

“Me too man, me too.” Lorenzo feels that in his bones. “That car gets me going.”

“You need to be put down.” Barou grimaces. “You also need a fucking shower.” His face of disgust grows with more irritation.

“Shower with me then, Barou-chan~” “Haa?? I’d rather put a gun in my mouth and fire.” “I know something else you can put in your-”

Lorenzo, thankfully, doesn’t get to finish that sentence since Barou throws one of his slippers at him. It hits the dead center of his face.

“Now now, no fighting. We don’t want another to vanish.” Snuffy chuckles under his breath, trying his best not to lose it.

With a wince and a good rub to the noggin, Lorenzo shakes his head to gain sense back before he puts his next picture. “Micha!”

“Eww.” Niko scowls.

“Yuck.” Sendou ‘bleh’s.

Barou and Aryu share a similar face of distaste, choosing not to comment.

“You guys have poor taste!” The zombie shows surprise, “He’s so fine?? I’d tap that again.”

“AGAIN?” Sendou nearly gives himself whiplash as he yanks his head to the side to stare at him. “Explain that lore drop?”

Snuffy face palms, sadly he does know the story behind that. He does not want to remember the things he saw that night.

Sadly for Snuffy, Lorenzo quickly recaps the night Kaiser got tipsy from being stupid and underage drinking –like a dumbass– and the two had a bit of… fun… ew.

Niko looks traumatized. Though he does commit that to memory incase Kaiser fucks Isagi over, now he has blackmail with concrete evidence. You’re safe in Niko’s hands, Isagi.

The King has to psychically force himself to behave, it’s rough but he’s also exhausted. Not only had he gotten six hours and twenty minutes of sleep instead of six hours and thirty minutes of sleep but when he was cleaning his room this morning, he ran out of both cleaning solutions. And then of course he gets kidnapped by this gang of thugs and forced to play a game that tests his patience.

Not only that, but on his phone is currently unread text from Nagi. Barou ignores it, he hates that mother fucker more then anyone else in this prison.

After a moment, Snuffy gathers the group's attention back to the game at hand, it’s almost over so they better hurry up before lunch time ends.

The bangs having emo wannabe adds his last photo.

“Who the hell is that.” Barou states instead of asking.

“You went against our team back in the first selection…”

“I did? So unmemorable.”

“You lost to us.”

That pissed Barou off. “Shut it, brat.”

Niko admits defeat, letting the tense release from his shoulders. “His name is Okawa. Who knows where he’s at.” He finishes with a shrug.

“He ugly.” Sendou raises his hand to put a big thumbs down. “Bleh.”

“He does seem very unglam, glad I didn’t get to meet him.” Aryu pats Niko’s back as a small apology for insulting his past man.

“Alright, shut it. Let’s finish this.” The beast scoffs, putting his very last photo into the still breathing cake. He places it pretty roughly, he’s mad at himself for putting this one. He also feels like just the picture itself has soiled that already fucked up cake, somehow making it dirtier.

“Oh! I recognize him.” Snuffy smiles, “Chris was just talking about him today.”

“Ahhh! That’s that guyyy! The one who I’m in competition with to be the stinkiest right?” Lorenzo grins as if that’s a good thing at all.

Sendou, Niko and Aryu gasp in tandem.

“Barou put…” “A picture of…” “Nagi??” The three finish their shared sentence.

“Tch. Ignore it. I hate his disgusting, trashy, lazy, ugly, stinky, fat ass.” Barou rolls his eyes, “It’s a shame he’s a good looker.” He shakes his head, “He’s undeserving of having a good face like that.”

The two Italians snort and chuckle at Barou’s reaction to his own photo choice. Snuffy calms and adds his last two pictures, he didn’t come with many. The two pictures are kind of confusing, one is of a guy none of them have seen before and the other is what looks like a young Noel Noa and some emo guy with a bowl cut.

“Ahhhh,” Lorenzo softens his gaze on the first picture, “that guy huh? May his soul rest.”

Niko picks up on that pretty quick, offering a small bow and his condolences. His three friends follow that.

“Now now, it’s alright. He’s an old friend of mine.” Snuffy relaxes, “I know this is a “hear me out” thing but I totally did have my way with him back in the day.”

“Woah!” Aryu lets out a gasp of shock, “Old man yaoi?” He beats Niko to saying it.

Snuffy only shrugs with a smile filled with glee. “The other two in the second photo, that’s Noel and Jinpachi.”

Now that gets the Blue Locker’s shocked. They –Niko and Sendou– want to ask questions but hold off on it, after all it’s clear Barou wants gone.

Sendou plants his last picture right on Aiku’s nose, the cake, he plants the photo on the cake! He smirks at his peak taste in men.

“Brochacho really put Blue Lock man.” NIko frowns with disappointment.

“He’s hot.” The red head shrugs.

“No he isn’t.” Barou scoffs with irritation. “Hurry up, donkey.”

“Okey~” Lorenzo giggles, putting his last photo as well. He giggles once more like a school girl, sticking out his tongue and holding a peace sign. As if that will save him.

Snuffy scooches back a bit as Barou lunges over attempting to strangle the zombie. It’s a normal occurrence so it’s not something to worry about.

“How many pics of Barou does Lorenzo even have dude?” Sendou raises a very confused brow as he takes in the photo of Barou in his underwear. How’d he get that?? “Sus.”

“Very sus. Very gay.” Niko nods, “Yaoi.”

“Yaoi indeed.” Aryu pats the boy’s head, “Glam yaoi.”

Snuffy finally burst out laughing, unable to contain it anymore.

 

-

 

EXTRA

 

Hours later and suddenly a man jolts awake with a very loud “UGH!?” paired with heavy breathing and confused looking around.

“Where am I? Did I die?” Aiku continues to look around frantically. This is not the room he remembers being in at all. “The hell?”

“Oh, you’re awake, cake boy.”

Aiku turns his head to see the one and only Bachira. The man with homophobia in his eyes pales, this can’t be good if Bachira is showing up out of the blue. “Hi…”

“Hi!” Bachira smiles ever so brightly, sitting on the edge of the bed Aiku currently occupies. “Before you ask, this is the infirmary. You nearly suffocated in cake~”

“Oh dear.” The man leans back, memories of Barou chucking the hear me out cake at him with his full lion strength. “Sheesh, surprised I survived that impact.”

The bee cocks his head to the side slightly, not really sure what that part meant. Nonetheless, he shakes away any confusion, “Well, you have me to thank for getting cleaned up so fast and easy! I even stopped hanging out with someone in order to help you!”

“Oh no.” Aiku pales again, “This cannot be good.” He has ulterior motives for sure…

Bachira only smiles brighter.

“I’ll forgive you for making me waste my precious time with Isagi,

If you get me a cake~”

Aiku curses under his breath. He has to spend his points on a cake? C’mon man.

Notes:

I'm getting tired of writing about CAKE, I don't even eat cake 💔 just one more fic in this series and I'm done with cake for the rest of my life

to think this is what I'm doing when not in COLLEGE for NURSING. Yes y'all, your future nurse is writing gay fanfiction

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