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“Remus, you've mixed Lyra’s old dresses in with the baby's clothes,” Draco called from where he was sorting out the tiny clothing, getting ready for their new arrival.
Remus looked over from where he was folding burp rags and swaddling blankets, “Oh, sorry, love, I didn't think. I just sorted out the stained and damaged clothing.”
“Did you forget we were having a boy this time?” Draco teased, directing the dresses into a separate pile for storage.
—
“This is Loulou,” Draco said proudly, showing his friends the tiny bundle.
“Oh, she's gorgeous,” Pansy gushed. She smirked, “and clearly Remus’s this time.”
“Shut it, you cow,” Draco scowled, “Also, Loulou's a boy.”
Pansy frowned, “Loulou for a boy?”
“It's a French nickname,” Draco explained, “It's like a cute version of ‘wolfwolf’. His full name is Regulus Draco.”
“Oh,” Pansy said, nodding, “Well, he's darling. I could eat him up. Keep having more, dear, I get my fill of babies from you and never have to want one of my own.”
Draco swatted her on the arm and Pansy cackled.
—
As Lyra grew, she began to be quite demanding about her clothing. She would absolutely refuse to wear pink or orange and was finicky about what shades of other colors she'd accept. She preferred sundresses and despised tights and when it was cold she would only wear velvet leggings.
Loulou was a far more amenable baby, happily taking whatever his parents put on him.
Once he started moving, he started getting into Lyra’s cast offs. Wriggling into her skirts and shawls and robes.
Draco had pursed his lips when he saw this, “We need to do a better job of cleaning up.”
“There's no harm,” Remus assured him, “He's having fun.”
—
It should come as no surprise that, as Lyra grew, she became very fond of playing dress up. Between Narcissa, Andromeda, and Draco- she was absolutely spoiled and had a dress up closet that more resembled a dressmaker's storefront.
This closet was attached to the play room, where the young children spent their time.
Always eager to follow his big sister, Loulou often played the role of living doll as Lyra dressed him in ruffles and feathers and rhinestones.
“Loulou…” Draco would say, “Are you sure you don't want to play blocks with Shaula?”
“Nuh-uh!” Loulou replied happily, clapping gleefully as Lyra added the finishing touch- a (fake) ruby encrusted tiara.
—
Lily Luna was a very nice girl with pretty red hair that the kids were brought to play with one day in a funny little house called “The Burrow”.
Lily also liked playing dress up. Her closet wasn't as big as Lyra's, but Lyra had been taught it's very rude to say so, and instead she said “I love your dresses!” and Lily beamed at her.
As always, Loulou wanted to play with them.
“You're lucky you only have sisters,” Lily said, pulling a face, “It's awful having brothers.”
“Loulou's my brother,” Lyra said with a frown, pointing to the boy who was wearing Lily’s blue sorceress gown and pretending to cast spells with a scepter.
Lily stared at the two of them and shook her head, “That can't be your brother. We're playing a girl's game!”
“Loulou always plays the girl’s games,” Lyra shrugged, “Now will you please fasten these quidditch robes? I can't reach the back.”
—
Sirius Black had never wanted to be a father. For as long as he could remember, the idea of having his own children seemed terrible. Part of this was due to how horrible his own parents had been, a part of him was always afraid that the Black family madness would cause him to mistreat any children he had. Part of this was due to how incredibly inbred he was.
When Lily had been pregnant, Sirius had been worried. Then Harry was born and Sirius felt an incredible swelling of love for the child. He loved the baby nearly as much as he loved James. He had, of course, assumed this was because James’s child was just special.
Then he had felt the same love for Teddy, and a deep affection for the increasingly growing Weasley brood. It turned out that Sirius loved kids – as long as he could give them back to their parents at the end of the day.
If he needed to, he would have stepped up to raise any of them. His heart still broke that he’d never gotten the chance to raise Harry the way his parents would have liked, it was something he resented Dumbledore for even now.
But, deep down, Sirius had no desire to be a father and never had. He was very happy to be a godfather and honorary uncle.
With all the children in his life, Sirius couldn’t deny that Loulou held a special place in his heart. The boy had Regulus’s eyes, his hair was similar. Loulou ran after Lyra the same way that Regulus used to run after Sirius. Thankfully, Lyra was a much warmer big sibling. Sirius used to find his little brother obnoxious, a fact which he deeply regretted now.
Whenever he spent time with the three children, he found himself remembering stories from his childhood, which he shared with them. He’d told them more about his Reggie than he had told anyone.
His brother’s memory was living on. It was all he could do for him.
—
On a particularly unnoteworthy afternoon, the children were playing while Draco made dinner. He had never cooked growing up, of course, and had found a fondness of it when he started living alone. It served him well now. While Remus was a decent cook and could keep them fed healthily enough, Draco was considerably more skilled and loved to add his flourish to it.
As he was stirring the sauce, Loulou came into the room, looking very nervous.
“Papa?” the child asked, chewing his lip.
“Yes, my star?” Draco asked with a warm smile, hoping to be reassuring.
Loulou shifted his weight a few times before looking at his father sharply, “I think it's Lyra’s turn to be Reggie.”
“What?” Draco asked, baffled.
“I'm named after Uncle Padfoot's Reggie because I'm the boy, right?” Loulou asked.
“That's right,” Draco blinked.
“I don't want to be the boy anymore. It's Lyra’s turn. She can be Reggie and I can be Lyra,” Loulou said firmly.
“My star… do you not like your name? Do you want a different name? You can't be Lyra, darling, but you don't have to be Reggie if it upsets you,” Draco said, trying to make sense of what was going on. Family names were not uncommon and he’d never heard of it leading to these sort of problems. Even Sirius had never rejected his name.
Loulou frowned, his brow crinkling, “If no one has to be Reggie, why did you decide to make me a boy?”
“I- I didn't, love, it's just how you were born,” Draco said, at a complete loss for what was going on, “Do you think we give Lyra and Shaula more attention for being girls? We love you just as much, my star, being a boy doesn't make you any less.”
Loulou stomped his foot, “But I don't want to be a boy!”
“I… I see…” Draco said weakly, although he very much did not see, “very well, my star, why don't you go and play with your sisters?” he asked, praying his son would be distracted and this whole conversation could be forgotten.
“Okay!” Loulou said, perking up. He grabbed Draco in a tight hug and then ran out of the room shouting, “Lyra! Shaula! Papa says I don't have to be a boy anymore!”
This had not been what Draco had intended at all. He clung to the counter top to keep from crumpling to the floor.
—
“ –and then he ran off shouting about how he doesn't have to be a boy anymore!” Draco was telling Remus about what had happened that day, shaking his head in confusion, “I think we've let him play dress up with Lyra too many times.”
“I don't think that will make someone stop wanting to be a boy,” Remus said kindly, sitting Draco down at the kitchen table and making tea, “He may just be transgender.”
“Tras– what?” Draco asked furrowing his brow.
Remus turned to him, surprised, then shook his head as he poured the hot water, “I keep forgetting how backwards the magical world can be…”
Draco pursed his lips, feeling irritated, “This ‘tras’ thing, how do we fix it? What have we done wrong?”
“Transgender,” Remus corrected patiently, placing the tea cup in front of Draco and kissing the top of his head, “If that's what's happening, then we haven't done anything wrong, it's just how Loulou is.”
Draco sipped his tea and waited irritably.
“Transgender is when a person is born with a boy body, but feels like a girl inside,” Remus explained, “or the other way around. If Loulou is transgender, it just means that Loulou feels like a girl and nothing will change that.”
“Then… what?” Draco asked, wrinkling his nose, “Isn't there a potion for it?”
“I don't know how it's treated magically. Muggles have medicines that will let his body grow like a girl's,” Remus said.
Draco tightened his grip on his cup, “Your solution is to just go along with it? Shouldn't we make him realize he's a boy?”
Remus shook his head, “If he's transgender, then he's really not. He'll never be happy until we let him live the way he needs to.”
Draco brooded on this, drinking the tea.
“I don't fancy explaining this to mother,” Draco grumbled.
“I'm almost certain Dora is familiar with it, she can help,” Remus suggested.
“How do we tell if that's really what's going on, then?” Draco asked softly.
“We believe him when he tells us,” Remus said, placing a hand over Draco's, “Muggles have therapists, mind healers, that can help.”
“You want to take our wizard son to a muggle healer? What about the Statute of Secrecy?” Draco asked uneasily. It had been a long time since the war, but he had still been a Death Eater and Remus was a werewolf – they couldn't risk breaking the law.
“Let's see what our options are,” Remus suggested gently.
—
Because Loulou was so young, it was easy to brush off some of the more fantastical claims as an interest in fairy tales. The gender therapist spent an hour playing with Loulou and chatting with Remus and Draco.
The verdict was that Loulou did seem to be a transgender child, though young children could change their understanding of their identities as they grew, and the best thing to do was to follow Loulou's lead.
“Let him be a girl?” Draco asked nervously, “What does that even mean?”
“Let her be a girl,” Remus said gently, placing a supportive hand on Draco's back, “To start with.”
Draco gave him a pained look and closed his eyes, “What if this is the wrong thing to do? What if we're wrong and he's not transgender?”
“Then Loulou will tell us, and will have spent some time being a girl, which isn't a terrible thing to be,” Remus said.
Draco nodded, not looking remotely convinced.
—
Lyra and Shaula were completely fine with the change, Loulou had practically been an honorary sister. They just needed a bit of gentle correction to use the right language. It was very easy to tell Tonks about the situation. As Remus had suspected, she already knew about the transgender community and was incredibly supportive. She helped to explain it to Andromeda, who was confused but came around, and Narcissa, who pursed her lips in disapproval before saying in a tense voice, “I suppose… as long as the child is happy…”
Narcissa wouldn’t risk her relationship with her grandchildren by opposing it, whatever her personal feelings were.
They didn’t know how Sirius would take it. It had meant so much to Sirius that Loulou had been named for Regulus. She had specifically objected to having to ‘be Reggie’, a direct rejection of her namesake.
Draco was rather grumpy when they went to speak with Sirius, prepared for the man to push back. This amused Remus, considering that Draco was barely accepting the situation yet would fiercely defend their child against anyone else’s reaction.
Unlike when they’d asked Sirius’s blessing for the name, Remus planned the telling this time. They went to a muggle pub in London that Sirius had liked since he was a teenager, although he still figured out that he was being buttered up for something.
“There’s something we need to tell you about Loulou,” Remus said.
“Is he alright?” Sirius asked and Draco bristled, causing Sirius to look alarmed. Remus placed a hand on Draco’s shoulder and gave him an exasperated look, before turning to Sirius.
“I don’t suppose you know about transgenderism?” Remus asked, somewhat hopeful.
“Little bit…” Sirius said, frowning, “Involves surgery, doesn’t it?”
“Not… not at this age,” Remus said hesitantly, “Loulou doesn’t want to be a boy anymore, wants to be treated as a girl. We’ve taken her to a muggle therapist and going along with this wish is in Loulou’s best interests.”
Sirius frowned, his eyebrow creasing, and Remus could tell that Draco was gearing up for a fight. This was unnecessary and he continued trying to soothe his husband while Sirius took the time to understand.
“How did that come up?” Sirius asked.
“H-she came up and told me,” Draco said irritably, ignoring his own near slip.
“Just like that?” Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows, “That’s incredible.”
Draco faltered, his prepared anger not expecting this reaction, and he spluttered slightly in confusion.
“You two are doing an amazing job,” Sirius said wistfully, smiling at both of them. Draco’s cheeks went pink and he cleared his throat.
“To be clear, you don’t have a problem with it, then, treating Loulou as a girl?” Remus asked.
“I’d ask why would anyone, but I know well what assholes people can be,” Sirius said with a dark laugh and Draco pursed his lips together.
“You’ve gone a bit heavy on telling the kids about Regulus…” Remus said cautiously, “We’ve been concerned you’d feel like this was a rejection of him.”
Sirius looked stricken by this, and shook his head, “No, Moons, not at all,” his face softened, “If anything, it makes me more proud of hi– of her. That she was initially named after my brother. If my brother ever felt like this, I don’t think he’d have told anyone. My dearest hope for Loulou has been that– that she’d have a better life than Reggie did, and that’s what’s happening.”
Draco nodded, blinking his eyes and pretending they weren't misting up.
—
The next time Sirius saw Loulou, he realized how much he had inadvertently strained his relationship with his newfound goddaughter.
When he visited the Lupin household, he pulled Loulou aside.
“Hey, kiddo, your dads tell me that you're actually a girl,” he said warmly.
To his surprise, Loulou looked down and tugged at the hem of her sleeve the way Draco did when he was nervous, “Are you mad at me? Because I'm not Reggie anymore?”
The question cut him. He had never wanted the child to worry about such a thing.
“Oh, my little star, absolutely not,” Sirius said, holding his arms out for a hug. She hesitated then wrapped her little arms around his neck. “You were never Reggie, not my Reggie. You were always Loulou. I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to be Reggie,” Sirius said mournfully, “I won't talk about him anymore.”
Loulou pulled away, looking at him with a scrutinizing expression, “I like your stories… as long as I don't have to be a boy.”
“Of course not, sweetheart,” Sirius said, relieved, “I'm so proud of you.”
—
It was easy enough for Tonks to adjust to the new normal. As a metamorphmagus, she’d always been drawn to the way muggles played with gender, and felt more at home in muggle LGBT culture than she did amongst witches and wizards.
When they told Tonks, it made perfect sense and she wondered if she should have suspected something.
It did cause her a bit of concern, though, because it seemed like Loulou was limiting herself to only the girliest of activities.
With that in mind, she went to the child one day and gently brought up the topic, “Loulou, I know you're a girl. There's lots of ways to be a girl, though, you don't only have to play dress up.”
“But if I don't play dress up, Lyra won't play with me,” Loulou pointed out.
“I see,” Tonks nodded, realizing the dilemma. She turned over to the older girl, “Lyra, could you come here?”
“What is it, Auntie Dora?” Lyra asked, carrying with her the feathered boas she’d been selecting between.
“Do you think you can play the games Loulou wants to sometimes?” Tonks asked.
“Okay,” Lyra said cheerfully, turning to her little sister, “What do you want to play?”
“We could color?” Loulou offered.
“Sure,” Lyra said, placing the boas back in her dress up chest, “I'll go tell papa to buy us more crayons so we can color together.”
Tonks frowned towards the shelves that were loaded with craft supplies, including plenty of crayons and markers, and wondered exactly how spoiled this child was.
—
The years passed, the children grew, and all too soon Remus and Draco found themselves standing in a secret, magical only platform of the Gare du Nord train station in Paris for the second September in a row. Now with two children carting trunks behind them while Shaula complained about how it wasn’t fair she couldn’t go yet.
“We've spoken with the headmistress,” Draco told Lulu, fussing with his second daughter’s shirt collar, “Everything is arranged. You'll stay in the girl's dormitory. If anyone gives you any trouble, you must write to me immediately.”
“I know, papa,” Lulu said, with the tone of someone who had heard this a hundred times already.
“Lyra, you look out for your little sister,” Draco told his eldest sternly.
“She will be fine, papa,” Lyra said irritably, “She is not the only trans girl at Beauxbatons. No one will care.”
“We've done everything we can for her, Draco, it's time to let her go,” Remus said, placing a firm hand on Draco’s shoulder and guiding him to take a step back.
“But if anything does go wrong…” Draco said.
“Yes, yes, our fathers will hear about it,” Lyra said, exasperated, dragging her trunk up the ramp to the train, “Goodbye, papa, goodbye, daddy.”
“Write to me!” Shaula shouted after her sister.
“As soon as I get to my new dormitory!” Lulu promised, waving.
The bustle of other students needing to access the train pushed them along the platform, and they watched as the glistening, sapphire blue steam engine made its way down the track towards Beauxbatons.
“I really hope they have a quieter time this year,” Remus said wistfully as the crowd on the platform began to disperse.
“What? You didn't appreciate our daughter becoming a seeker only to break her arm her first match?” Draco asked with a chuckle, “When I was in school, we had a troll invade the first year, a basilisk the second, and a crazed murderer the third.”
“Mm. Could be worse. The whole time I was at school there was a werewolf,” Draco said with a grin.
“Lyra said there's a vampire,” Shauls said, “She teaches history and lives in the dungeons where there's no windows and only drinks pigs’ blood and she's been to every magical war in the last 200 years.”
“Is that right, my star?” Draco asked warmly.
“Uh huh,” Shaula continued, “And she's like daddy and won't turn people even if they ask very nicely.”
“That sounds very responsible of her,” Remus said.
“We've told you, if you want to be able to turn into an animal, Uncle Padfoot will help you become an animagus when you're older,” Draco reminded her.
Shaula rolled her eyes.