Chapter Text
Nishinoya can’t remember how old he was when he first realized that he was gay. He hadn’t known the term at the time, but he hadn't really cared. It didn't seem like it was a big deal. He had more important things to worry about, like trying to drink as much milk as possible so he could get tall, which was hard because he didn’t like milk.
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When he is in sixth grade his class has to watch an educational video about soul mates for the first time. The class is divided up by gender, and the girls are sent to another classroom. Then the teacher puts on the horribly dated video. The video talks about how when they turned seventeen a girl’s given name will appear on their arms or wrists, and that she would be their soulmate. The video says that if their soulmate isn’t seventeen yet then her name won’t show up till she turns seventeen. It explains that it is normal to be interested in other girls before meeting your soulmate, but that after you find her you won’t want anyone else.
It doesn't talk about what will happen if you are a boy who wants your soul mate to be another boy.
When the teacher asks for questions after the video is over, he doesn't want to ask the question weighing heavily on his mind. No one else asks about it either.
That was the day that he realized that maybe liking boys was a bigger deal than he had realized.
---
That summer a new family moves in a few blocks over and Nishinoya meets the Tanakas for the first time when his mom makes him take over a “welcome to the neighborhood” fruit basket.
The Tanaka’s have a son around his age, named Ryuu. They become fast friends, and they spend most of the summer going back and forth between each other's houses. Nishinoya likes being at the Tanaka’s better because Ryuu’s parents own a restaurant, so most of the time Ryuu’s older sister Saeko is in charge of watching them while their parents work. She lets Noya have as many popsicles as he wants, which makes her pretty much the coolest person he’s ever met. Ryuu says he likes going to Nishinoya’s better because Noya has more game systems.
They go to different middle schools. They both get busy with club activities and homework and they don’t see each other as often. But they still hang out on the weekends if neither of them has a game.
Noya ignores the fluttery feelings he gets sometimes when Ryuu smiles at him.
---
“If you’re a boy and you don't like girls can you still have a soulmate?”
He doesnt work up the courage to google the question that had been in the back of his mind since that day in sixth grade till he’s halfway through his second year in junior high school.
Afterwards he wishes he’d done it sooner.
He finds out that soulmates aren't always boys with girls. He finds out that it's possible for a boy to have a soulmate that is another boy. He learns that even though some people may think so, that he’s not a freak. He learns that people like him are just a different kind of normal. And he finally learns the word for it.
---
When they find out they’ll be going to the same high school, Ryuu seems just as excited as he is. That summer passes in a blur of sunburns and popsicles and countless hours together.
They wind up in the same class. They join the volleyball team together.
They’re a mess of tangled limbs as they both try to get comfy on Ryuu’s tiny single bed while they talk about their first volleyball practice as high schoolers. Noya wonders if it’s normal for boys their age to be so comfortable with so much touching. But Ryuu doesn’t seem to mind, so that probably means it’s just Noya making it weird. He tries to focus on the conversation instead of the heat radiating from the points where they are touching.
They were both a little disappointed by the state of Karasuno’s team. It definitely isn't the same as in Saeko’s stories. Neither of them is quite sure how much of that is due to Saeko embellishing the stories and how much is the team just not being the same. It still has potential though. There are some really great second years, and they’re both excited to play regardless.
When Ryuu turns the subject of the conversation to how hot the team’s manager is, Noya wants to tell him that he’d been far more distracted by their teammates than the manager... but the words stick in his throat.
He knows he should tell Ryuu. But knowing that he should doesn’t make it any easier to actually do it.
He plays along instead, agreeing with whatever it was that Ryuu had said about Kiyoko-san’s eyes. They’re best friends. It seems like that should make this easier, but it just makes it worse. He doesn’t want to lose this any sooner then he has to.
“Did you see if she had a name yet? I was too distracted by how beautiful she was to check.” He asks and tries to reign in a fresh wave of guilt at another lie.
“She doesn’t.” Ryuu responds. “None of the second years do yet.” He adds on like it’s an afterthought.
They’re both quiet for a few moments after that. They’ve not talked about soulmates much in the past. He wonders if that’s his fault, if he unconsciously steered their conversations away from such things. He can feel Ryuu staring at him now, but he focuses instead on a thread that has come loose from his shirt.
“But she might not be seventeen yet, we should find out when her birthday is.” Ryuu says, breaking the silence. When Noya looks up at him he’s got one of those smiles that pull at something in Noya’s heart aimed directly at him.
“Totally.” Noya agrees, only managing to keep that feeling out of his voice and off his face because he has so much practice.
“Want to play something?” He asks gesturing towards the video game console plugged into the small tv across the room from the bed.
“Hell yeah” Ryuu responds, standing to get the controllers and bring them over.
Nishinoya tries to convince himself that he isn't running away from the conversation, that he just needs a break. It sounds like a lie even in his head. He feels like a coward.
-----
When they come back from winter break Suga and Daichi have each other's names on their wrists. It’s all over the school, so he hears about it before he actually gets a chance to see it at practice.
Some of the third years on the team make nasty comments about it when the coach isn't around, but Suga and Daichi just seem happy.
He feels overwhelmed and kind of like it hasn’t really hit him yet that he knows other people like him in his real life. Daichi is pretty much guaranteed to be captain next year, and the thought of having a gay captain when his soulmark outs him eases some of the anxiety he feels at the thought of being outed.
Asahi is in a bad mood though. Nishinoya can feel it in the force of his spikes and see it in the set of his brow. At first Noya is worried that it’s because he just found out his friends are gay and doesn’t approve or something. He’d been awed by the upperclassman since the first time he’d seen him spike, and the thought that maybe Asahi would dislike him if he found out Noya was gay makes him feel a little sick.
At the end of practice though he finds out that it’s not what he had thought.
A third year had said something nasty again and Asahi had blown up. The normally meek ace full on yelled at the upperclassman, saying that if he had a problem with gay people he should find himself a new team because Asahi’s also into guys, and the three of them are going to stick with this team whether they are wanted or not.
Of course this is the interaction that the coaches do notice, and they reprimand Asahi. Asahi accepts the coach's words politely but without apology.
Knowing that Asahi is gay feels different than knowing Suga and Daichi are. He thinks it’s because it’s the first time he’s let himself think “what if they’re my soulmate?” about an actual person. The possibility brings a blush to his face, which he hopes people think is due to the workout they just finished not his thoughts of large hands and stubble.
Later when Ryuu and him walk home together there’s a tension to Noya’s muscles that has nothing to do with the workout. Ryuu hadn’t seemed disgusted by the day's’ revelations but honestly Nishinoya hadn’t been paying that close attention to Ryuu’s reactions. He had been too busy having his own.
Besides even if Ryuu didn't have a problem with the second years being gay it didn't mean he’d be ok with Noya being gay. It’s easier to accept things that are distant and not regularly sleeping in the same bed as you. And while neither of them would ever call it cuddling, they did cuddle a lot.
His heart hurts when he thinks about never getting any more of Ryuu’s hugs.
Nishinoya is startled from his thoughts by an arm around his shoulder and a loud whistle from somewhere above his head.
“That was the most interesting volleyball practice I’ve ever been to in my liiiiiiiife” Ryuu says in an impressed tone.
Noya still feels wary but when he looks up Ryuu is smiling at him and it makes him feel better then it probably should.
“Yeah, did you see that third year’s face when Asahi-san started yelling at him?” Nishinoya responds. The third year had been shocked and definitely more than a little scared of the second year ace. “I thought he was going to pee his pants.”
“Me toooo, oh my god” Ryuu says, exaggerating his words for emotional emphasis. “I totally get why he was scared though, I didn’t even know Asahi-san could yell like that.”
“Mmm” Is all Nishinoya can manage in response. Now that the surprise has worn off he just feels confusingly turned on when he thinks about Asahi’s serious face and raised voice. He needs to get his shit together, he can try to figure out why he finds that hot later. There’s no exercise to blame if he gets a blush now.
“Yeah, he’d been grumpy all practice. I was kinda starting to worry that he was upset with Suga-san and Daichi-san or something.” Noya says without thinking and regrets it immediately.
“Ah I knew it wasn’t that.” Tanaka says, he still has his arm around Noya’s shoulder and the warmth from Tanaka’s arm is seeping into his shoulders despite the several layers of clothing separating them. “He kept glaring at the third years all practice.”
They lapse back into silence after that. They’re almost to the point where they have to go their separate ways to get to their respective houses when Nishinoya finally works up the courage to ask what he wants to ask.
“So you’re ok with it then? Suga and Daichi being soulmates?” His voice sounds small even to him and he’s sure the nervousness he’s trying so hard to hide is showing through.
“Yeah, course.” Ryuu doesn’t even hesitate to respond and his response is so firm. There’s no heaviness to his voice, but his tone leaves no room for doubt either. Nishinoya is reminded again why he likes Ryuu so much. “You?”
Ryuu’s looking at him, curious and open and non-judgemental, and Nishinoya knows this is the perfect opportunity to tell him.
“Yeah, less competition for Kiyoko-san this way.” He says instead. Ryuu’s responding laughter is loud in the quiet neighborhood. They go their separate ways. Noya spends the rest of his evening kicking himself for being a coward and chickening out of such a great opportunity.
The third years stop coming to practice after that. No one really misses them.