Chapter Text
Oscar nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of the knock at the door.
Well, it was more than a knock. It sounded more like someone had thrown their entire body weight against the door and he didn’t have to guess to know exactly who it was on the other side. He’d been trying to get some of his coursework done, but he knew that was probably a lost cause now.
“Mate,” Lando’s voice called from the other side of the door. “Oscar, I forgot my keys again.”
Oscar sighed, and for one moment, considered ignoring him, just to see what Lando would do if he did.
“Oscarrrrr,” Lando called again, ever impatient.
But of course, because Oscar never denied Lando anything, he wouldn’t leave him out there to suffer. He tossed his pencil onto his coursework, and stood from his desk chair, exiting the room to let his ever-forgetful roommate inside their flat.
He opened the door to find the exact picture he’d seen countless times before: Lando, leaning against the doorframe with his hands burrowed in his pockets, rucksack slung over one shoulder, and a completely innocent smile crinkling his features. He wore a large hoodie (Oscar’s, because Lando couldn’t be bothered to do his washing this week or any other week), his headphones slung around his neck.
It shouldn’t work, and god, Lando didn’t know how well it worked, but any annoyance Oscar had been feeling toward the other man faded at the expression on Lando’s face.
“Fuck,’ Lando said. “Thanks, mate. It won’t happen again.”
They both knew it was a lie, but Oscar chose not to call him on it. Instead, he just moved aside to let Lando into their flat and hummed noncommittally. They’d lived together for three years now and if either of them expected anything different at this point, they’d be sorely disappointed.
Having abandoned his rucksack somewhere between the door and the walk to Oscar’s room, Lando kicked off his shoes and threw himself onto Oscar’s neatly made bed, immediately making himself at home as he’d done countless times before.
“I need to get laid,” Lando announced.
“You have your own bed, you know,” Oscar said, as he sat back down, pointedly looking at the wall he and Lando shared, knowing full-well that Lando’s bed is still in the haphazard state he’d left it in that morning. “And your own room, as a matter of fact.”
Lando huffed, sinking further into Oscar’s bed, eyes floating to the ceiling. “Yeah, well, you know how the saying goes. What’s yours is mine and all that.”
“I don’t think that’s how the saying goes, but sure,” Oscar replied, rolling his eyes.
“You’re ignoring me,” Lando said.
Oscar tapped his pencil against the desk. “I’m not ignoring you. You’re always horny, Lando. That’s not different from any other day. I’ve just decided not to dignify it with a response.”
“Jeez, Osc,” Lando said, rolling his eyes. “Someone’s a little pissy today.”
“Not pissy,” Oscar said, a little pissy.
“Definitely pissy,” Lando said under his breath.
Oscar threw a stray pillow at him, but Lando moved to the side before it could hit him and stuck out his tongue.
Done with the conversation, Oscar turned back around in his chair, looking back to his coursework. He’d been halfway through solving this problem set when Lando had gotten here, and he needed to finish it before he lost his train of thought again. He could see the threads of numbers spinning in his mind and spilling out onto the page, but the solution still eluded him. Despite how much he loved engineering, most days he questioned why he’d chosen such a demanding course. If he’d done something different, like Lando’s marketing course, maybe he wouldn’t spend seventy-five percent of his time locked in his room, on the verge of pulling out his own hair.
Lando went blessedly quiet, probably scrolling through something on his phone instead of doing his own coursework, like Oscar knew he should be doing. It was enough to draw him back into his work, eyes darting between his laptop and the scratch paper in front of him as he tried to sort out where he’d left off before Lando had interrupted him.
He was finally almost done with the set when Lando decided to speak again.
“Osc,” Lando said.
Oscar tried to ignore him. He really did. The solution was in reach and if he just had a couple more seconds to work through his maths then he might be able to finish this up with a satisfying conclusion before he dealt with whatever Lando needed from him which was probably both everything and nothing. He was scribbling down a sum onto the page when a pillow connected with the back of his head.
He sighed again, spinning around in his chair to look expectantly at Lando.
Lando, who was sitting at the far end of Oscar’s bed with his knees to his chest with a small smile on his face. A smile that, before he even opened his mouth, Oscar knew meant that he probably wasn’t going to like whatever Lando had to say.
Resigned to the fact that he probably wasn’t going to get any more work done, Oscar put down his pencil and moved his legs to rest on the mattress, his feet near Lando’s. He crossed his arms over his chest, arching an eyebrow at Lando.
“What if,” Lando began hesitantly. “You came out with me tonight?”
Oscar laughed, genuinely laughed.
Lando threw another pillow at him, but this time, Oscar caught it, tossing it aside harmlessly. “I’m serious, Osc. I need a wingman. It’s been like two weeks since I’ve gotten any and it's been months since you’ve gone to the club with me.”
“Why can’t Carlos or Max do it? I’m sure they’d be more than happy to talk you up. You know it’s not really my scene.” Oscar said, prodding Lando’s socked foot with his own.
Lando smacked his foot away ineffectually with his hand. “Because I want you there and you need to take a break from all this engineering shit. I can see the cogs spinning in your head and it's making my head hurt. One of these days, I’m going to come home and there’s just going to be an Oscar-sized puddle on the floor,” he said.
“Yeah, well, this ‘engineering shit’ is important, Lando,” Oscar said. “And besides, we both know I wouldn’t be a very good wingman, so if your goal is to get laid, I’m definitely not your man.”
“Forget me for a moment,” Lando said, waving a hand in front of his face. “You need to get laid. You’re fucking celibate, mate. I don’t know how your dick hasn’t shriveled up and fallen off. Aren’t you sick of your hand by now?”
Oscar rolled his eyes again. “Firstly, I’m not celibate. I just don’t shout my sexual exploits from the rooftop like some people.”
“Oi,” Lando said, in mock offense.
Oscar shot him a look.
“And secondly, my dick is perfectly fine, thank you.”
Lando smacked Oscar’s foot. “We share a wall, in case you’ve forgotten. And I haven’t seen you bring a girl around since Lily and that was…” Lando trailed off, squinting at the ceiling as he tried to parse together a timeline. “That was more than two years ago, mate. My god, if I went two years without sex, I’d probably kill myself.”
“It hasn’t been that long,” Oscar said, hedging.
Admittedly, it had been a while. Not the two years that Lando seemed to think, but it’d been probably eight months since Oscar had gotten a little bit of sexual release from something other than jerking off. And yes, he was sick of his hand, but needs must and he was too busy with school to spend his nights prowling campus for a hookup. Especially when the only person he’d actually care to have sex with was sitting on his bed right now, disturbingly oblivious to the fact that the reason Lily had broken it off with him was because Oscar was disgustingly, irrevocably in love with Lando Norris and had been since the moment they’d met more than three years ago.
Lily was sweet and kind and beautiful, but she was not stupid. Like most of the people in Oscar’s life, save the man sitting across from him now, Lily had become attuned to the fact that Oscar would do anything for Lando. A fact that went beyond what any normal best friend or roommate might be willing to do.
So when Lily had sat him down on his bed two years ago and told him that she was ending things, it wasn’t with anger, it was instead with a sad smile. She’d brushed his hair from his eyes, cupping his cheek as she spoke to him, always more kind than he deserved.
‘You know why, Oscar,’ she’d said. ‘ And it isn’t fair to either of us to pretend that this might work when your heart has and will always belong to someone else.’
He wasn’t surprised and she had been right, after all. But he certainly couldn’t tell Lando that, so instead he’d just told him some baldfaced lie about being incompatible.
None of that changed the fact that Oscar didn’t want to spend his very little free time chasing some mediocre sexual experience or watching Lando flit about the club, flirting with everything that moved. It was bad enough that he’d hear about it in the morning, or through the wall at 3am while Oscar desperately tried to pretend he couldn’t.
“Well, how am I supposed to know if you don’t even tell me about it? I’m supposed to be your best friend, mate. Friends tell each other embarrassing sex stories and frankly, I feel like I’m pulling your weight here.”
Oscar laughed then. “Well, I’m sorry if not everyone has had an attempted threesome end with a trip to the emergency room.”
Lando pointed at him. “This is a no judgment zone, Oscar, and I refuse to be slut shamed by you.”
“Well, I’m feeling a little bit judged right now,” Oscar said, smirking. “And I’m glad that you can finally admit that you’re a slut. I know that must have been difficult for you.”
Lando narrowed his eyes, “Stop changing the subject.”
“There’s no subject to change, Lando. My sex life is private. I’ve never been much of a sharer that way and you know that. Even with Lily, I wasn’t telling you all the gory details,” he said.
“I didn’t need to get the gory details because I could hear them,” Lando said. “And from what I could tell, you’re very good, so what’s the problem?”
Oscar groaned, dragging his hands across his face. He didn’t need the reminder that Lando had heard him having sex on more than one occasion. “There is no problem. I’m fine. I’d just rather stay here and relax. Maybe play games or watch a movie.”
“Come on,” Lando whined, scooting a bit closer. He placed a large hand on Oscar’s bare ankle, shaking it. “You’re young and hot and damn smart, Osc. There’s plenty of girls out there who’d love to get on it. Please come with me.”
Oscar threw his head back toward the ceiling, screwing his eyes shut.
He wasn’t going to cave. Not even with Lando looking at him with pleading blue-green eyes, a hopeful smile on his face. Not even after Lando called him hot, not that that was the first time that had happened either. He was hot, but he was also just Oscar.
Just Oscar, who was always there to pick up after Lando’s messes and let him in when he forgot his keys. Just Oscar, who laid with him on the sofa and made dinner for two every night, knowing damn well that Lando couldn’t so much as fry an egg without adult supervision. Just Oscar, whose hoodies he stole and bed he laid in each and every day, without giving a second thought to the intimacy of either thing. Just Oscar, who was a damned fool, hopelessly in love with the one person he couldn’t have.
Who was he kidding?
“Fine,” Oscar said. “I’ll go.”
Lando’s smile was sunshine and warm tea, softness and casual touches.
It made Oscar feel a bit sick, drunk on it.
“But I’m not letting you pick my outfit,” Oscar said.
-
He ended up letting Lando pick his outfit.
Before they’d left, he’d stood in front of Oscar in the outfit he’d picked for himself, some variation of his normal t-shirt and jeans combination, assessing it with narrowed eyes. He’d had him spin around once before letting out a disgusted noise and making a beeline for Oscar’s closet, shouting orders to strip.
So now he stood inside of a club with Lando Norris, in a tight-fitted black shirt and a pair of straight-legged trousers that he’d never worn after Lando had hassled him into buying them over a year ago.
In all honesty, he didn’t really know how these things happened. The amount of power that Lando unknowingly held over him was dangerous. It was exactly how he ended up in situations like this: uncomfortable in his clothes, with unfamiliar, sweaty bodies pressed against his as he shoved his way to the bar to order a beer.
He mussed a hand through his hair without realizing it and Lando smacked it away with his own. “Stop that,” he said. “It looked good the way it was.”
Oscar felt sick at the feeling that bloomed in his chest.
He wriggled into an opening by the bar, resting his forearms on the sticky wood, trying to catch the eye of the bartender currently making two vodka-crans for girls who looked way too old to still be ordering them.
“You look good, Osc,” Lando said, voice hot against his ear. And god, Oscar fought against the urge to shudder. “I can hear you worrying from here. Girls will be tripping over themselves to sleep with you. That one’s already making eyes at you.”
Oscar followed Lando’s sightline to a girl in a skin-tight black skirt standing by the end of the bar with a group of her friends. She was looking at Oscar with a small smile on her face, eyes raking over his frame greedily. She was pretty, with long blonde hair and wide blue eyes. Maybe on another night, when Lando’s body wasn’t slotted so closely to his, he’d go over and say hello. Right now, all he wanted was to turn his head and press his lips against Lando’s, to bury his fingers in his soft, perfectly coiled curls, but he couldn’t. And because he couldn’t, or perhaps just because he knew Lando, and how relentless he could be when he wanted to, Oscar tossed a warm smile her way, lifting his hand in a half-hearted wave.
“There you go, mate,” Lando said, his voice low.
Oscar’s breath caught in his throat, but fortunately before he could respond, the bartender came over to take their order.
By the time they got back to their friends and settled at the booth, Lando had fortunately forgotten about the girl at the bar, however, he had eyed up about ten different people in their fifty-metre journey, most of whom were openly gaping at him as well. That wasn’t really surprising. Lando was the type of beautiful that made people stop in their tracks and simply admire. Oscar was in no place to judge; he was certainly guilty of doing so on more than one occasion.
“See,” Oscar said, taking a sip of his beer. “You don’t need a wingman.”
“Is that how he convinced you to come out tonight, then?” Charles asked, a smile playing on his lips. His arm was thrown over the back of the booth behind Max, fingers toying with the sleeve of Max’s shirt mindlessly.
“Mhm,” Oscar said. “Something about him needing to get laid.”
“Well, that’s just untrue,” Lando said, flicking Oscar’s shoulder. “We’re trying to get you laid, Osc. For all I know, you’ve become a monk.”
Carlos and Charles both snorted, not even trying to hide it, whilst Max just raised a brow at Oscar.
“We’ve already been over this, Lando,” he said. “I’m not a monk and I’m perfectly fine as I am.”
“Yeah, well, you might be, but I’m sick of your grumpy arse so here we are. Mission: Get Oscar Laid,” Lando said, holding his hands up as though he’d had some brilliant idea.
Logan had slid into the booth beside Oscar sometime during his and Lando’s squabbling and chose now as the time to interject into the conversation.
“I second that. You’re wound tighter than a fucking clock, Piastri. It might do you some good to get out there, let off some steam, sample the waters,” he said, knowingly.
Oscar pinched Logan's outer thigh under the table, but Logan just kicked him right back.
Oscar sighed and took another sip of his beer, ignoring the both of them.
He knew what Logan was doing, but he also knew he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. Though he was sure at least one or two of his friends had noticed, Logan was pretty much the only person who Oscar had outwardly spoken to about his crush on Lando and, despite being good friends with the latter, Logan was of the opinion that Lando was never going to be able to reciprocate Oscar’s feelings and that he needed to get over it. Or, in his opinion, get under someone else.
It wasn’t like Oscar hadn’t tried. He tried to make it work with Lily for the better part of a year, tried with half a dozen other people in the time after, but nothing had changed. If anything, it just made him ache for the connection he felt while doing even the most mundane things with Lando. The fact that he’d rather be out grocery shopping with Lando than getting his dick sucked by any person in this club was a concerning, but very real problem in Oscar’s life.
He knew Logan was right though, even if his methods were a bit askew.
Oscar sat mostly quietly as his friends chattered about their lives, both academic and romantic. He tossed in a few sarcastic comments here and there, polishing off the rest of his beer and drinking half of another. His friends trickled in and out, some out to the dance floor, others to get a drink or catch up with friends. A couple of girls came over to chat, but nothing much came of it, aside from the odd smile or appreciating stare. It was comfortable, familiar, and the feeling of Lando’s thigh pressed close to his brought a vaguely concerning sense of calm over his body.
But of course, that couldn’t last because it never did. So three drinks later, when Lando smacked his hands against the table, he couldn’t even really be surprised.
“I’m gonna go out there,” Lando said, nodding toward the dance floor, now packed with bodies. He pushed one finger into Oscar’s shoulder. “You should come, Osc. I can see at least three people checking you out right now.”
Oscar shook his head, tipping back the rest of his beer into his mouth.
“I’m a terrible dancer, Lando,” he said.
Lando sighed dramatically, knocking back the rest of his drink before sliding past Oscar and out of the booth. “Okay, suit yourself, mate.”
Oscar watched as Lando disappeared into the crowd, eyes trailing his frame until he was gone, practically swallowed up by the crowd of people he’d wandered into.
“Mate,” Logan said, tapping his foot against Oscar’s.
He didn’t look at his friend, eyes still drawn to the crowd of people to his left. He didn’t want to see the pitying look he knew was on Logan’s face.
“Yeah, I know,” he said, a tinge of sadness to his voice. “Pathetic.”
“Not pathetic,” Logan said, tipping his drink between Oscar and the crowd. “A little hopeless, but not pathetic.”
Oscar groaned, forcing his eyes away from the crowd and back to the table. Half their group had gone out to the dance floor by now, leaving Oscar with just Logan, Max, Charles, and about two dozen abandoned glasses and bottles.
He chatted with Logan for a while until he was pulled away by someone he knew from class, and soon went back to watching the crowd as he tried to pretend Max and Charles weren’t making out across from him. He’d long run out of beer and any buzz he’d had going had worn off at least a half an hour ago when he caught a glimpse of familiar curls amongst the fray.
And sure enough, there was Lando, his body pressed close to a stunning brunette, his large hands wrapped around her small waist. He’d opened up the top few buttons on his shirt, sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His head was thrown back as he moved to the music, the tanned column of his throat exposed to the neon lights from above, a sheen of sweat coating his body in an ethereal glow.
Oscar watched as the girl leaned in closer, wrapping her arms around his neck to whisper something in his ear. Lando laughed at whatever she had said and Oscar could practically hear the distinct sound through all the noise, though he knew that was impossible. Lando pulled back slightly, moving his hand from her waist to tilt her chin up to look at him properly. His thumb brushed her bottom lip, his mouth moving to say something probably sinful before pressing his mouth to hers in a kiss filled with tequila and filthy promises.
Oscar felt a pang in his chest and forced himself to look away before he could hurt himself more than he already had tonight. It was far from the first time he’d seen Lando kissing someone. Hell, he’d walked into their flat to find Lando fucking someone in their living room on more than one occasion, but it didn’t make the sting any less. He didn’t know why he did this to himself, why he chose to put himself through it time and time again when the only possible outcome was heartbreak.
He stood from the table suddenly, rattling a few glasses as he did so, mumbling something about going to the bathroom to Max and Charles, who were far too engrossed in each other to even realize that Oscar was still sitting there, let alone that he’d left.
He tried his best not to look in Lando’s direction as he made his way across the club, pushing his way through sweaty bodies, only barely succeeding. But because it was simply not Oscar’s night, he’d made it halfway to the washroom when he’d caught a different familiar eye, standing along the back wall in a baby blue dress, a long arm draped across her shoulders.
Lily .
He’d hoped that maybe she hadn’t seen him, or might have let him by with his dignity still intact even if she did, but she called him over with a small wave and a genuine smile. She was always too nice to him, even now.
“Oscar,” she said, not without affection.
“Hey, Lily,” he said, forcing a smile to his face. “It’s been a bit.”
“Oscar, this is my boyfriend, John,” she said, leaning further into the embrace of the man standing beside her. “John, this is Oscar. We used to go out a few years ago.”
“Hey, mate,” Oscar said, holding out his hand to take John’s.
“Hey,” John said, a tight, but friendly smile on his face. “You’re from Australia, right?”
Oscar nodded. “Yeah, but I’ve been here for about seven years now.”
“That’s cool, man,” he said.
He doubted John actually thought so, but Oscar wanted to get out of there before John’s patience wore out and he fully processed the fact that his girlfriend’s ex was standing in front of him. He seemed nice enough, but it wasn’t in Oscar’s best interest to continue this interaction, or any other, for the rest of the night.
“Good to see you, Lily,” Oscar said, trying to excuse himself.
Before he could turn away, Lily grabbed at his wrist, long fingernails grazing his pulsepoint. “Actually, Oscar. I wanted to talk to you for a second, if that’s okay.”
Oscar sighed, resigning himself to his fate. “Sure.”
She dropped Oscar’s wrist and turned back to John, smiling sweetly at him. “Could you go get me another drink? I’ll meet you over there in a second, I promise.”
John looked warily from Oscar to Lily and back. “Yeah, of course.”
She pulled him down for a quick kiss, whispering something probably reassuring into his ear before John disappeared into the crowd toward the bar.
She waited until he was out of earshot before she spoke.
“You still haven’t told him, have you?” she asked, not unkindly.
Oscar’s head shot up at that, turning around to make sure Lando was nowhere within hearing range of this conversation. Fortunately (or maybe not), he was still on the dance floor, his lips occupied with the girl’s neck, slowly trailing his mouth toward her jaw, one hand along the side of her throat. Oscar forced his eyes back to Lily, who watched him knowingly.
“Lily,” he said, shaking his head.
“Of course you didn’t,” she said, sighing. “You’re only hurting yourself, Oscar.”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks for that,” he said.
This was a conversation he’d had countless times with Logan, one that circled round and round in his head on nights like these. His life would be so much simpler without this, without the crushing weight of his feelings toward Lando. He might have been hopeless, but he was also keenly self aware.
Lily placed a hand on Oscar’s forearm. “We may not be together anymore, but I do still care about you enough not to let you keep doing this to yourself.”
“Lily,” he said. “He’s my best mate. He’s my fucking roommate . I can’t just go out and ruin that just because I’d rather be more. It’s selfish of me and it’s not fair to him, since he clearly doesn’t feel the same.”
He glanced again to the dance floor, where Lando was still busy making out with the girl, her hands buried in the curls at his nape.
“This isn’t fair to you,” Lily said. “You’ve been making yourself miserable over this for years now. Either you should tell him and find some closure or move on. You can’t keep going on in life desperately trying to pick up the scraps of affection that Lando throws at you. It’s not fair, Oscar. You deserve more than that. You deserve someone who is capable of loving you back.”
“Yeah, well, I’d rather have him like this than lose him entirely,” Oscar said, pulling his arm away from her touch.
“But wouldn’t you rather know for certain? You guys are close, practically inseparable. If there’s even a small part of you that thinks that maybe he could feel the same, wouldn’t you like to know?”
He tried to think of a world where he told Lando the truth, one where he laid out his most vulnerable desires on a platter and begged Lando not to destroy him. It wasn’t that he thought Lando would be unsympathetic. Underneath all his sarcasm and bravado, Lando was one of the kindest people that Oscar knew. But the fact remained that Lando didn’t love him in that way and Oscar’s confession would drive a wedge in their relationship that he knew that they’d never recover from. It just simply wasn’t worth it, to ruin what they had over Oscar’s stupid feelings.
“It’s just not worth it,” he said.
“Oscar-” Lily started again.
Oscar dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “Lily, I appreciate the concern. I really do,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “I just can’t do this. Not now. Not with you.”
Lily only nodded. “Okay.”
With that, Oscar left, finally making his way to the washroom before he could encounter anyone else who had an opinion on his love life, or lack thereof.
-
He left the club soon after without much fanfare, just a tap to Logan’s shoulder and walked home in silence, trying to push the night’s events from his brain unsuccessfully.
Lily was right and so was Logan, not that he would tell either of them that he thought so. Oscar had been slowly hurting himself, his heart slowly bleeding for someone who wasn’t capable of loving him back for the last three years with no end in sight.
When he finally lay in his bed that night, in the sheets that still smelled of Lando’s cologne from earlier that morning, desperately trying to drown out the unmistakable noises coming from the room next door, he thought about what Lily had said, what he himself had known for a long time. This was unsustainable and it was only a matter of time before it finally broke him. He couldn’t go on like this for much longer.
He had to get over Lando Norris, even if it killed him.