Chapter Text
“What if my… thing breaks and I can’t breathe anymore?”
“Then you breathe through my secondary regulator.” Two strong hands pull down the straps of his diving jacket.
“What if I see a shark?”
“Then you stop and marvel at it.” Full lips give him a cheeky smile.
“What if I drown?” In those eyes for sure, Bucky thinks and mentally slaps himself.
“Lucky for you I’m also a rescue diver. You won’t drown.” One of those firm hands smacks him on the shoulder encouragingly and Bucky lets out a long-suffering sigh. It is requited by another wide smile that makes small wrinkles appear around those impossibly blue eyes, and Bucky has to squint against the sunlight to be able to look into them for a moment longer.
“Stop being such a whiny baby and enjoy yourself, Barnes.” Natasha is sitting only a few feet away from him, already geared up and ready to jump into the crystal clear and admittedly invitingly blue waters.
Bucky shoots her a glare, but she only chuckles before she slides forward from the railings at the back of the boat. She lands in the water with a soft splash, completely submerged for a second before she comes back up and floats effortlessly on the surface. Her own diving partner, a huge, muscular Australian who introduced himself as ‘Thor’ (Bucky still wonders if he wasn’t just messing with them), follows with much less grace. After a short exchange between her and her diving buddy, Natasha just waves at Bucky before she starts descending into the shallow ocean.
“It’s fine to feel intimidated before your very first dive. It’ll pass in no time, you’ll see.” Bucky looks back at his instructor. His name is Steve, he’s American too, and he’s incredibly, outrageously attractive. That’s all Bucky knows of him so far. Steve has done up his gear too, now. He’s only wearing a short-sleeved neoprene shirt over his swim trunks, making him look a lot less stupid than Bucky feels in the full-body wetsuit he got from the diving company to avoid the albeit small possibility of being stung by box jellyfish.
Natasha, who has been diving for a while and in many different locations has brought her own wetsuit, thinner, skin-tight, and all black which makes her look like some kind of super assassin rather than a scuba diver. Bucky does appreciate his thick wetsuit after all, because one like hers would make him look like a complete jackass.
“We won’t dive down immediately. You’ll get some time close to the surface to become familiar with the equipment and then we’ll go down slowly,” Steve explains patiently, his voice just the right measure between deep and light, calming and a tiny bit rough around the edges. Bucky can only smile goofily in reply. It’s probably the excitement for the dive, he decides, pointedly refusing to accept he turned into a flustered mess just because the guy he’s talking to is rather hot.
“Okay,” he says only to prove that he hasn’t lost his speech.
“Good,” Steve says and then slides into the water too, doing something with his jacket which inflates with air. He reaches up for a tube on Bucky’s jacket and pushes one of the two buttons at the end of it, and Bucky can feel his jacket becoming tighter with the air filling it.
“Now put your regulator in your mouth and one finger on your mask like this.” Steve shows him and then adds, “and let yourself fall forward.”
There’s a brief moment of uncertainty in which Bucky thinks that, with the weight of the heavy compressed air tank on his back and the weight belt around his waist, he’s surely going to sink, but he’s proven wrong a moment later when, after the tiniest bit of hesitation, he slides into the water and stays on top.
They practice breathing underwater first, Bucky’s face submerged but his body afloat thanks to the jacket, then blowing water out of the mask or retrieving the regulator in case he loses it. The other safety measures Steve explains sound a bit more complicated, but Steve assures him that it’ll be alright even in the unlikely event that any of those emergencies should occur.
“Alright, ready?” Steve asks, lifting one hand with an ‘O’ formed between forefinger and thumb.
“Yeah,” Bucky replies and, a second later, remembers to repeat the divers’ sign at Steve. He deflates his own jacket - the BCD, he mentally corrects himself, whatever that stands for. Then, he slowly feels himself become heavier and descend into the water. Steve’s left hand is grasping his right as he steers them downwards by the anchor line, slowly and giving Bucky enough time to clear the pressure in his ears.
And then it happens; quite suddenly the unfamiliar and odd feeling of breathing under water and the concentration to do everything right fades into the back of his mind as soon as he sees the first colourful fish swim among the coral. Clear, greenish blue all around them, colours burst into life when they approach the rocky formations of the reef, yellow and pink, vivid white and purple, and Bucky is absolutely stunned, in awe of how amazing it all looks. He cannot stop staring, and he’s glad to have Steve guiding him along, close enough to get the perfect view but in a safe distance so as not to touch the coral.
When Steve looks at him and signs ‘okay?’ again, his smile is visible around his eyes even underneath his mask. It’s catching, and Bucky can’t help but smile back as he responds in kind, before Steve points ahead and they see a larger fish, colourful in shades of turquoise and purple.
They see so many fish, more than Bucky would have ever thought possible, in all shapes, sizes and colours. Later - though Bucky couldn’t even tell how long they’ve already been floating weightlessly around under water - they do see sharks, and Bucky isn’t even the least bit afraid, though his heart does beat a little faster from excitement and wonder. The sharks are rather small and huddled together in a cavern in the reef, white tips on their fins and faces that don’t expose any threatening looking teeth but look rather, for the lack of a better word, cute.
As they continue, he sees Nat and Thor come around from the other side of a coral wall. He waves at her and points at what he’s just seen while Steve gives Thor more signs, probably to explain what sight awaits them if they continue in that direction.
Nat takes a few photos of him that he can’t wait to see though he probably looks like a dork. Then she pats him on the shoulder in passing, and they part ways again, Steve leading him around the wall in the opposite direction. The reef ends there and the waters are much deeper down below. Bucky can still see the ground, somewhat blurry and darker in the deep. It is just a tiny bit intimidating to know that the ocean continues all around them, vast and endless, deep below and deeper still where the blue fades to black in the distance.
He looks up, and the feeling intensifies when he realises how far down they must have descended, sunlight streaming in dancing ribbons through the waves, far, far above. That thought is gone in an instant when he looks ahead again and a shape comes into his line of vision, large and round and he recognises it as a turtle, swimming towards them. It’s big, really, really fucking huge, and possibly the most beautiful thing Bucky has ever seen. It doesn’t seem to mind them at all, continuing its path towards the coral completely unperturbed, and Steve points and steers him around, getting him so close to the turtle that he could touch it as it starts nibbling on the coral for whatever weeds it can find there.
But then the turtle is on its way again, and Bucky reluctantly lets Steve pull him away along the wall.
There are a few more interesting looking fish after that, a giant clam and a beautiful anemone, and Bucky is glad he can’t speak under water, because otherwise he would have blurted out that he’s just found Nemo.
And then, as they round another hill of coral, Bucky realises with great disappointment that what they’re seeing there close-by is the anchor line of the boat, and their dive has come to an end. He really could have stayed down here for an hour longer or more, but the air in his tank, as he can guess from Steve reading the instrument attached to it, is running out.
When they breach the surface Steve has to reach for his BCD to inflate it because Bucky simply forgot to do it himself in his excitement. He can’t help but laugh in delight of everything he’s just seen, and he splutters and coughs as salt water gets into his mouth. Steve laughs, too, and gives him an amusedly exasperated look as he pulls him towards the boat’s ladder. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Bucky remembers that he was supposed to leave the regulator in his mouth until they were out of the water.
Nat returns with Thor just a few minutes later, when Bucky has gotten out of his gear, and Bucky excitedly tells her about everything he’s seen. She, too, saw the sharks, but not the turtle, only a different, smaller one somewhere farther away. They continue to chat as they get out of their wetsuits, and Bucky thinks that he should get certified like Nat the next chance he gets because this simply was one of the most exciting, impressive experiences he’s ever had. He wants to thank Steve who has been a major part of it and made this experience so effortless for him, but when he looks for his instructor he sees that Steve is busy with some of the few other tourists on the boat. Bucky has no other choice than to follow Nat up to the small sundeck to let themselves dry in the warmth, but he continues to look up every time he hears someone coming up the ladder.
Nat looks up as well and gives him an all too knowing smirk before she adjusts her sunglasses and leans back down to soak up the sun.
“What?” Bucky asks, more amused than testy.
“Well, he is handsome, that instructor of yours,” she replies, and Bucky doesn’t mean for his sigh to come out so dreamy.
“I guess so.”
“Seems nice, too,” she presses on, and this time Bucky manages to release a long-suffering sigh instead.
“Yeah. And probably straight.”
“You don’t know that,” she responds matter-of-factly, and Bucky knows she’s right. Something not quite pleasant twists in his stomach and he involuntarily looks back in the direction of the ladder, almost as if he could will Steve to climb up and join them.
“Even if he isn’t, he lives here and we’re going back home soon.”
“In a week,” she replies. “And I’m not saying you should marry him and emigrate to Australia, I’m just saying you could at least have a bit of fun. That’s what holidays are for.”
“Wow, I’m so telling Clint you said that,” he says and receives just a dry chuckle from her.
She turns around towards him, propped up on one elbow, and pushes her sunglasses to the tip of her nose, her tone much less teasing when she continues. “Bucky, all I’m saying is that you should get back onto that horse sometime, no matter how things went with--”
“Yeah, I know,” he cuts her off, not wanting to hear the name he’s been trying to erase from his memory for the past seven months now.
“And he wouldn’t be the worst horse to get onto,” she finishes in a clear attempt to lighten the mood, the concerned look in her green eyes disappearing behind her glasses again.
“Oh my God, Nat,” Bucky groans, but can’t help the chuckle from rising in his throat, and the small shiver running down his spine and over his arms has nothing to do with the cool wind. He has to fight hard to chase away the mental images that have risen at her words.
Maybe she’s right, he concludes then, as soon as he sees a head of dark blond hair appear at the top of the ladder. Steve waves at him and smiles, radiant and warm. The kindness and trustworthiness radiating from him make Bucky feel lightheaded. So, maybe Natasha is right. Maybe he is ready to have some fun, to flirt and enjoy himself again once in a while. Maybe. He at least decides to try.
But Steve is discussing something with Thor and then with a female crew member, pretty and blonde with a friendly face. Later, when the shoreline is coming closer and closer and Bucky and Nat go back down to pack their things, Steve is busy tidying up the equipment and getting the boat ready to berth, and the first time Bucky is actually standing in front of him again and has his attention, he’s disembarking with the other passengers and passing the crew who’s lined up to wish them well.
“It was nice meeting you,” Steve says, and Bucky’s breath catches briefly in his throat because those words sound more personal and sincere than a standard parting phrase to be used with all their guests should.
“Yeah, I… I had an amazing time. Thank you, Steve,” he says and watches his smile become a little brighter.
“Don’t mention it. You did really well.”
Bucky feels his stomach tingle, and he breathes in deeply. It’s now or never.
“Hey…” he has just started, all his courage summoned when a woman pushes against him with her large beach bag impatiently, and Bucky curses under his breath. “Um, yeah. Thanks,” he hastily finishes and lifts his hand in a small wave as he descends the stairs to where Nat is waiting for him.
He would swear he saw the tiniest bit of regret in the final smile Steve gave him, but maybe he’s reading too much into it, and it’s just wishful thinking all together. That’s what he tells himself as he looks back and sees Steve say goodbye to the next guests. He doesn’t try to catch his gaze again, thinking that he’s probably being silly, and that it wasn’t the best idea to begin with. Steve probably gets attention from people all the time. And he may be straight after all, he thinks, remembering how the blonde patted his shoulder and how he smiled at her.
There’ll be other opportunities and other people, and it’s probably for the best anyway, his common sense tells him. There’s a slightly sinking feeling in his stomach that doesn’t want to listen. It’s too late now, anyway.
So, instead of waiting there until all other passengers have left to go running back to Steve like a love-sick puppy, he just continues to the pier, ignoring the sympathetic sigh he hears from Natasha behind him.