Chapter Text
It was the third day that Chanyeol had locked himself in his studio, the ashtray full of cigarette butts.
He looked a complete mess: hair sticking up in every direction, bloodshot eyes with dark circles under them, and a stubble.
He slumped in his chair, repeatedly listening to the track that he had composed with the bassist, Johnny, feeling creatively drained.
Chanyeol, stage name LOEY, is the lead singer and producer of the band Stardust, and he’s tormented by his current inability to write lyrics.
He reached for another cigarette, only to realize the pack was empty.
Chanyeol sighed and logged into a webpage, opening the only account he had subscribed to.
There was an update.
He hesitated, then clicked.
On the screen was a strikingly beautiful young man with dark hair and gorgeous honey skin. He wore a black blindfold, his mouth sealed with tape, two reddened, erect nipples adorned with vibrating clamps. His wrists were bound in tape, edges reddened, and his legs forced apart, each secured by a leather strap chained to the bedposts. His half-hard length rested against his flat stomach, while a vibrating dildo worked inside him, dripping clear lubricant, his flesh moving around it with each push and pull.
He twisted and writhed, his skin flushing a soft pink. The vibration through his nipples and the relentless stimulation of his lower body made him twitch uncontrollably. His body arched in the most elegant way, chains clinking.
With his mouth taped, he could only make muffled sounds, almost like pitiful cries for mercy.
It was a crime against beauty. He sounded amazing, why cover his mouth?
Chanyeol felt a surge of irritation.
The young man in the video is Jongin, the boyfriend of his good friend Kang Junhyuk, and the star of a paid adult content account with over two million followers.
He had been Chanyeol’s fantasy for the past three years.
The hands in the video belonged to Junhyuk, who always wore expensive matching rings with Jongin as if to show off their relationship.
Because of the videos, Chanyeol had drawn not just pleasure for himself but also musical inspiration for his band. One car sex video inspired him to write ‘Temptation’, a risqué song that quickly became viral online.
The band’s drummer, Kyungsoo, joked that some little vixen had stolen his soul. Chanyeol laughed it off, too shameless to admit that the little vixen is his friend’s boyfriend, and he had written songs while indulging in those fantasies.
The past six months of Junhyuk’s videos involved bondage, gags, tapes, and even candles. And yet, he kept Jongin’s mouth sealed. A total waste in Chanyeol’s opinion.
All his complaining didn’t stop Chanyeol from growing hard while watching Jongin. Eyes locked on the screen, his hand moved rapidly up and down, the unnamed instrumentals in his ears, laced with Jongin’s muffled sounds.
Jongin’s back arched beautifully in the video, and Chanyeol admitted that the helpless beauty in restraint was irresistibly captivating.
He couldn’t help imagining Jongin on his bed.
By the fifth loop of the song, Jongin’s mouth tape was ripped off. The delicate skin around his lips was flushed red.
“No more, please…” Jongin whimpered.
Chanyeol’s mind went blank as he released.
“Good boy,” Came Junhyuk’s voice.
Chanyeol closed the video in annoyance. There was no relief, only a heavy ache in his chest.
Jongin was sensitive to pain. How could Junhyuk not see that?
Chanyeol washed his hands and splashed cold water on his face, but it did nothing to cool the heat inside him.
Back at his computer, Chanyeol typed away on the keyboard, writing lyrics for the new song.
I was drowning in a storm of rage, yet there was no way back.
And still, I could do nothing to change it.
The demons inside me grew, spreading through the depths of my heart.
Strange, restless emotions clawed at me.
The long, endless night felt like the only escape.
I was suffocating, torn apart by a pain that shredded me from the inside out.
Your wounded soul, your anguished expression,
So intoxicating, irresistibly captivating.
I was utterly consumed by every fragment of you.
I clung desperately, ceaselessly searching, unable to stop moving forward.
Even if I wanted to stop, I wouldn’t know how.
Every step only pushed me deeper, endlessly, to you.
The song title was also decided: Abyss.
From finishing the lyrics to recording the demo, it had all come together in one go. When he sent it to Johnny, it was already past seven in the evening, and it was only then that Chanyeol realized he hadn’t eaten all day.
Ten minutes later, Johnny sent two voice messages. Chanyeol was rifling through the fridge for anything edible while playing Johnny’s wails of excitement.
“Hyung, you’re insane! This twisted yet pure love feeling…it’s perfect! It will be a hit for sure!”
Chanyeol pulled out half a bag of frozen dumplings and a few vegetables that hadn’t gone bad yet, ready to throw something together.
The phone rang just then and Chanyeol glanced at the caller’s ID before answering. It was the band’s guitarist, Sehun.
“Still alive?” The teasing voice came through.
“It’s only been three days,” Chanyeol snorted.
Sehun chuckled, “Just checking in to make sure, because how’s our band going to survive without you?”
And he wasn’t wrong. If not for Chanyeol’s money, the five of them would probably still be crammed into a small apartment, scraping by. The netizens often criticized that Stardust was just a bunch of rich kids who didn’t know what else to do with their lives. But they were wrong about two things: only Chanyeol is the rich kid, and all the members are serious about music.
“Oh, and Jongin is back in Seoul. We have a live house appearance tomorrow night, and maybe we could invite him. Haven’t seen him in a while and…”
Chanyeol couldn’t catch on to the rest. All he could focus on was, “Jongin is back in Seoul”.
And it replayed over and over in his mind.
“Hey, are you listening?”
Chanyeol snapped out of it and cleared his throat, “Yeah, we can invite him.”
“Alright, we’ll save a ticket for him.”
After a few more exchanges, Sehun hung up, and Chanyeol sank back into his thoughts.
The water in the pot boiled over, hot droplets splashing onto his hand. He quickly turned off the stove before running cold water over the reddened area, finding the dumplings completely ruined. The wrappers separated from the stuffing, and the vegetables were overcooked. He might as well order takeout.
As he was cleaning up, Chanyeol came to a sudden realization that Jongin must have graduated. He didn’t choose to stay in Paris and came back to Seoul.
Speaking of which, the reason Stardust became a thing in the first place was all thanks to Jongin. He and Sehun attended the same elementary school and middle school, then Sehun’s family had some trouble and left Seoul. Jongin went to New York for high school, and the two of them managed to stay in touch.
Jongin’s parents divorced when he was little, and he was raised by his grandmother. She used to be the director at a large musical theatre in Seoul, with plenty of connections in the music industry. Sehun was able to get into a music school with Jongin’s guidance and help.
Later in New York, Chanyeol casually mentioned wanting to form a band at a party, but he was missing a few members. Unexpectedly, Jongin took it seriously and introduced him to Sehun. Chanyeol and Sehun’s visions aligned perfectly, and they became friends in no time.
Thinking of this, Chanyeol felt the urge to thank Jongin. Stardust’s rapid rise wouldn’t have been possible without him.
His thoughts then wandered off to Junhyuk, thinking that he might tag along to the live house show now that Jongin was back. But Sehun had only mentioned inviting Jongin. Does that mean Junhyuk wouldn’t be coming?
Chanyeol took out his phone and tapped on Junhyuk’s chat log. He typed a few words, erased them, typed again, and erased again. After repeating it several times, he set his phone aside.
It’d be better if Junhyuk didn’t come at all.
♬
The next day, Chanyeol worked out at the gym for about an hour, then went home to shower and shaved his stubble.
He searched through his closet and picked a designer black tank top and a pair of black jeans. For accessories, he chose layered chains, bracelets, and rings.
Satisfied with his outfit, Chanyeol grabbed his phone and car keys and left.
Kyungsoo called while he was at the salon.
“Where are you?” Kyungsoo had to raise his voice over the sound of the hairdryer.
“Getting my hair done. You guys get ready first, I’ll be there soon.”
At the venue, the keyboardist, Taeyong, raised an eyebrow when he saw Chanyeol.
“All this for tonight? What, you found a target or something?”
Everyone in the industry knew about groupies. The live house was full of good-looking young men and women, and Stardust’s female fans were especially plentiful. Not long ago, Johnny was caught acting overfriendly with a fan and got himself a scolding from Chanyeol.
But Taeyong was right, Chanyeol did have a target tonight. Only, his target wasn’t a fan. It was Jongin.
All he wanted was for Jongin to watch him perform.
Chanyeol shoved his hands into his pockets, “Stop talking nonsense.”
Taeyong shrugged, “I didn’t say you were sleeping with fans. I thought maybe you had someone and invited them along.”
“As if I have the time for a relationship.”
Backstage, the other three band members surrounded Chanyeol, studying from all directions like he was a rare species.
“Why are you staring at me like that? Never seen me wear all black before?”
Sehun stroked his chin, “You usually wear black, true. But something feels different today.”
Chanyeol rolled his eyes, “Let’s go rehearse.”
After two hours, it was finally time to perform.
From backstage, Chanyeol sneaked a glance at the audience and saw no sign of Jongin.
Sehun told him that the owner had given Jongin a VIP ticket. It was in the family section of the live house, a spot reserved only for the owner’s friends. Since the live house owner had a good relationship with Stardust, and Jongin was considered a friend of the band’s, he had one of the best seats.
“It’s a lot more comfortable. You can’t have him squeezed in with the crowd, can you?”
“Yeah, but…” Chanyeol muttered, thinking that the best view of him is from the front row and it would be difficult for Jongin to see him from the far back.
“We’ll be seeing him after the show anyway,” Sehun pointed out.
Stepping onto the stage, Chanyeol felt his palms start to sweat. He never got nervous performing, but because of the possibility that Jongin was watching him perform for the first time, his heart drummed crazily tonight.
Clutching the mic, he stared out at the audience, lost in the lights.
The music began. It was the opening track of Stardust’s latest album, ‘Dreaming of You’.
Soft melodies filled the space as Chanyeol strummed his guitar. A faint orange light bathed the stage, and in his mind, only Jongin’s face appeared as he began to sing.
I’m waiting for you.
Come to me,
Whenever the thought crosses your mind.
For you, I’ll open every door I have.
One night, two nights, every night,
Like waiting for a waking dream.
It’s as if you never hear me,
As if you don’t know,
How I’ve dreamed of you.
The performance was flawless, just as always. As per tradition, they closed with their most popular track, ‘Temptation’, the kind of song that turned the whole venue into one giant chorus.
But maybe because the muse behind ‘Temptation’ was sitting in the audience tonight, Chanyeol made it one of their best performances.
By the end, he was drenched in sweat. Just as he was about to go clean himself up, he saw the live house owner backstage with Jongin at his side.
Chanyeol’s eyes widened and he froze in his spot.
Jongin looked even more ethereal tonight.
His hair was now light brown, and he wore a casual white shirt with linen pants, paired with fresh white sneakers. A cream-colored bag hung over his shoulder. He looked gentle, pure, like an art student just starting out at university.
He was holding a camera, head lowered as he scrolled through the photos he’d taken.
Jongin was indeed an art student. He did his undergrad in photography at Rhode Island School of Design and went to Paris for his master’s. Chanyeol had assumed someone like him, immersed in art, would never pass up the chance to stay in Paris, especially with his mother there. He didn’t expect Jongin to return to Seoul, let alone show up at a Stardust performance.
“Jongin!”
Sehun ran over, wrapping Jongin in a tight embrace. The latter smiled, returning the hug with one arm and patting Sehun’s back twice.
Jongin’s doe eyes turned toward him. Releasing Sehun, he gave Chanyeol a small nod in greeting.
“It’s nice to see you again.”
“You too,” Chanyeol took in a deep breath and walked over.
“Thank you for inviting me,” Jongin’s voice was warm and gentle. “Everyone was amazing. I don’t know much about music, but even I was captivated.”
Chanyeol stared at him without blinking, blurting out, “As long as you liked it.”
Jongin smiled softly as he reached into his bag and handed him a wet wipe, “Here.”
Chanyeol’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he took it, cleaning his face and thanking him.
“Want to go to a bar?” Sehun asked, hovering at their side.
“Yeah. Wait for us, Jongin. We’ll be quick,” Chanyeol returned, finally managing to take his eyes off Jongin.
At that, he hurried his bandmates into packing up and slipped outside to his car, retrieved the Penhaligon’s perfume he’d kept there, and sprayed a decent amount. He needed to make sure there was no trace of sweat on him before meeting Jongin again.
Chanyeol and Sehun were the only ones in the band who had cars. Chanyeol’s was a G-Wagon while Sehun’s was a black sedan.
Knowing well about Chanyeol’s feelings, Sehun brought the other three members to his car and left Jongin with him.
Chanyeol grinned happily as he led the way for Jongin.
Jongin drew in a breath the moment he sat in the passenger seat, “Lord George?”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol hummed. “Sharp nose.”
Jongin smiled, “I had that one, too.”
Chanyeol glanced at him, then, without warning, leaned in close to inhale, “Why aren’t you wearing it today?”
Jongin let out a soft gasp in surprise, eyes widening, shimmering like a startled cat’s.
He averted his gaze and replied quietly, “I accidentally broke it when I was in Paris. I was doing my thesis and didn’t have time to buy a new one.”
His tone was calm but tinged with something faintly downcast.
“So what made you decide to come back?” Chanyeol caught the shift of his mood and changed the topic. “Didn’t feel like staying in Paris?”
Jongin nodded, voice still soft, “I’ve set up a studio here and my grandmother is getting old. I wanted to spend more time with her.”
His parents divorced when he was young. His father, a well-known film director in Korea, remarried a Korean American actress and settled in California. His mother, once a prima ballerina in Seoul, now lived in Paris with her French artist husband. Both had found new families, and Jongin was the only one left behind.
Fortunately, his grandmother raised him with utmost love and care, and never judged his decisions when he came out to her.
“It’s nice here,” Chanyeol said. “A lot of your old classmates came back too. Different industries, but everyone can still look out for each other.”
“Yeah, it’s good to be back.”
Jongin turned to look out the window. Streetlights streamed by outside, the soft glow blurring into endless ribbons of light.
♬
The owner of the bar was also a friend of Stardust’s, and he reserved a booth for them after getting a call from Sehun, letting him know that they were coming.
Chanyeol sat with Jongin beside him, and Sehun on Jongin’s other side.
The performance had drained their energy. Johnny and Kyungsoo were ordering food the moment they sat down.
“What do you want to eat, Jongin?” Sehun asked.
“You guys can order. I’ll just look at the drinks,” Jongin reached for the menu.
The warm, golden glow spread over his face, soft and intimate. Chanyeol found himself staring again, lost in it.
“Maybe you can try Temptation?” Johnny suggested, tapping the menu. “It’s a nice cocktail.”
“Temptation?” Jongin followed his finger with interest. “I remember your last song had the same name.”
“It does,” Kyungsoo chimed in. “The bar owner came up with it after hearing us live. It’s become one of the signatures here.”
“Then I’ll have that.”
Chanyeol didn’t bother with the menu and ordered his usual Macallan 18.
“Typical Chanyeol,” The owner teased. “Always whisky, never interested in my creations.”
“I don’t like sweet drinks, and you know that,” Chanyeol retorted.
The owner, long familiar with the band, shot back without hesitation, “That’s because your life is already too sweet, you don’t need more of it.”
“I wish,” Chanyeol arched a brow. “You just don’t know how I suffer.”
“With your G-Wagon, Fender guitar, and all the designer brands you wear? Please,” The owner laughed.
The suffering of desire, the torment of longing. Chanyeol lived in it, day after day.
Their banter drew laughter from the table, Jongin included.
If only he’d laugh like that more often, Chanyeol thought helplessly. If that cost him a little more suffering, then so be it.
When the food and drinks arrived, Kyungsoo and Johnny fell silent, busy devouring their plates. Taeyong opened a bottle of red wine to pair with the charcuterie board, just as he always did.
Sehun was busy catching up with Jongin, giving Chanyeol no chance to join the conversation.
The burn of the whiskey slid down Chanyeol’s throat into his gut, setting fire to his veins. Just sitting next to Jongin, just being this close, he felt scorched and dazed.
If this went on, he’d start to believe Jongin had cast some kind of spell on him, bewitching him until he was hopelessly tangled up. Everything Jongin did had him wrapped around his finger.
Jongin took a sip of his cocktail and his expression lit up almost immediately.
“Good, right?” Sehun smiled, catching the look on his face.
Jongin nodded, trying to describe the taste, “It is. Strong, layered…it really gets to you.”
And before Chanyeol could stop himself, he heard himself asking, “Can I try?”
Kyungsoo looked up in surprise, “I thought you didn’t like cocktails.”
Chanyeol calmed his nervousness with a slow lean back into the seat, “Jongin has good taste. If he says it’s good, then it must be. I just want to see for myself.”
Jongin, smiling faintly, extended his glass toward him, “Here. Try it.”
Chanyeol hesitated a little, then reached out to steady Jongin’s wrist, lowering his head to drink straight from his hand.
It hit hard. A little bitter but more sweet and addictive.
Jongin drew his hand back and set the glass down, “How is it?”
“It’s good,” Chanyeol stared at the curve of his lips, mesmerized.
Just then, Sehun took a call, “Yeah, we’re in the booth at the back. Left side.”
A few minutes later, the sound of leather shoes tapped across the floor. Chanyeol turned and saw Junhyuk. Designer shirt, dress pants, hair slicked into place, and a bouquet of red roses in hand.
‘Jongin doesn’t like red roses. He likes tulips.’
That was the only thought Chanyeol had.
Jongin turned too, shock filling his expression, but not the happy kind.
“Junhyuk just got back today and he wanted to surprise you,” Sehun said.
Junhyuk stopped beside Chanyeol and their eyes locked.
“Look who’s back,” Chanyeol smirked. “Couldn’t even bothered to tell me?”
It was strange. With more than ten years of friendship, Junhyuk didn’t contact him first, but gone through Jongin’s circle instead, especially knowing full well that Chanyeol is in a band with Sehun.
Junhyuk’s gaze flicked between him and Jongin before settling with a small smile, “I called you, but you didn’t pick up.”
Chanyeol straightened in his seat, surprised.
Junhyuk didn’t linger on it. Instead, he stepped closer and handed the bouquet to Jongin.
“Can we please talk in private?” His voice lowered. “It won’t be long.”
That alone told Chanyeol that something had happened between them.
Everyone at the table felt the shift in atmosphere and turned to Jongin.
Jongin was quiet for a moment and slowly stood, not bothering to take the bouquet.
Chanyeol had to stand as well to let him out of the booth. Jongin never looked at him, or at Junhyuk.
He watched the two walk towards the back door and pulled out his phone, now seeing four missed calls from Junhyuk. Two yesterday afternoon, right when he’d been jerking off to Jongin’s video. Two more tonight, during his drive with Jongin to the bar. His phone was on silent. He knew Junhyuk’s number by heart, but his mind was so consumed with Jongin that he didn’t notice it.
Chanyeol put his phone away, grabbed his cigarettes and lighter, and muttered, “I’m going for a smoke”, before heading towards the back door.
The bar had its own private courtyard, and the owner usually kept it closed to other customers, but friends came and went as they pleased.
Chanyeol lit a cigarette and stood behind a wooden door, close enough to hear the voices on the other side.
“Jongin, please give me another chance. I swear it won’t happen again. I’ll do anything you say.”
“We’ve already broken up. How many times do I have to say it? I told you, that was my bottom line and I can’t forgive you.”
Junhyuk’s voice cracked with urgency, “It was a stupid mistake, I don’t know what had happened to me back then…I love you, Jongin. I mean it.”
“I never doubted you for that, but we’re not suitable for each other,” Jongin’s tone was cold. “I can’t give you the things you want. Find someone else who will, and stop coming to me.”
“I won’t do it anymore, I promise. I just—”
“I did everything you asked me to,” Jongin cut him off sharply. “But you went too far.”
“Baby, please…haven’t I treated you well enough? Why do you keep clinging to that one time?”
“Clinging?” Jongin scoffed. “My feelings don’t matter to you anymore, do they.”
Junhyuk closed in, “It does matter, it always did, and I promised that it won’t happen again. Please, Jongin, give me one more chance.”
“We’re already broken up! Let go of me!”
Chanyeol couldn’t stay put anymore. He pushed open the wooden door and saw Junhyuk gripping Jongin’s wrist. The roses had been tossed aside and Jongin kept struggling, trying to pull free.
He put out the cigarette with his foot and tossed it in the trash, “You heard him, let go. Talk properly.”
Junhyuk scowled but finally let go.
Chanyeol noticed Jongin’s wrist was red where Junhyuk had gripped him. Like in the videos, his skin flushed easily.
“We’ll talk again next time, Jongin, when there’s no interruptions,” Junhyuk muttered darkly and pushed past Chanyeol, storming off without looking back.
Jongin stood in the dim light, silent, eyes lowered.
Chanyeol bent a little, holding Jongin’s wrist gently, thumb brushing over the reddened mark.
“Does it hurt?”
Jongin glanced at him once, then lowered his gaze again, shaking his head and withdrawing his hand.
There was a silence until Chanyeol broke it, “Want to go for a walk?”
“Yeah.”
Chanyeol sent a text to Sehun, informing him that Jongin and Junhyuk had broken up, and he’d be taking Jongin home.
Late May in Seoul carried a faint warmth at night. Chanyeol and Jongin walked side by side, keeping about an arm’s length between them. Friday night meant the streets were alive. Young men and women dressed in stylish outfits drifted through. Some already tipsy, some heading toward the neon blur of nightlife.
“When did you break up?” Chanyeol asked cautiously.
“Six months ago.”
Chanyeol blinked, surprised, “That long?”
Jongin nodded.
No wonder the videos showed him with black hair, not his current light brown shade. Chanyeol couldn’t believe that Junhyuk had the nerve to post their sex tapes after they’d broken up.
“Can I ask why?”
Jongin remained silent and Chanyeol quickly added, “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. It’s your privacy. There’s no need to dwell on something that made you unhappy.”
Jongin stopped under a tree, expression unreadable.
After a long pause, he muttered, “He forced me.”
“He…what?”
Jongin took a deep breath, voice small, “He’s into BDSM. I wanted to make him happy at first, so I went along…until I couldn’t handle it anymore. That’s why I had to break up with him.”
Chanyeol’s rage spiked, chest aching with it, breath trembling.
“Sorry for telling you all this, you must think that I…”
Before Jongin could finish, Chanyeol pulled him into his arms.
Despite not having much of a height difference, Jongin was small in his embrace, and he held him tight.
After a while, Chanyeol felt the other clutch his shirt, shoulders trembling. Soon, warm tears spilled onto his shoulder, followed by quiet sobs.
Chanyeol sighed and held him tighter.
One hand stroking Jongin’s hair, Chanyeol suppressed his fury and whispered in the gentlest tone he could manage, “It’s over now. I won’t let him near you.”
If Junhyuk didn’t know how to treat Jongin properly, then he would.