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Subaru: "Hgkk...!"
He was breathing heavily.
The damage was done.
The left side of his body had been completely obliterated by the explosion. If that wasn't enough, his internal organs were no different than mush at this point. He'd pushed himself too far this time.
Well, gotta make a better plan this time.
Didn't expect that the Witch Cultists were hiding among the civilians.
He should've known better.
This is literally the most basic strategy when it comes to enemy infiltration.
They sacrificed themselves by blowing themselves up with the explosive firestones they hid within their bodies.
The damage to the city was severe, although most civilians were unharmed with only minor injuries thanks to Emilia Camps and the other Camps intercepting them as fast as they could the moment they caught wind of the plan, fortunately.
The same couldn't be said for Subaru though, who was caught up nearby one of them as it happened.
His luck was really terrible.
As Subaru was pondering what he would need to do next time, he heard a voice.
???: "Subaru! Can you hear me!?"
One that sounded like the chime of silver bells.
Oh no.
He couldn't let her see him like this.
One thing Subaru was determined about was making sure that Emilia would never see him die right in front of her.
He couldn't bear to see her cry because of him.
So Subaru tried to do everything to hide himself from her.
Invisible Providence...!
He tried to use Invisible Providence to grab something around him amidst the ruins of the city to block himself from her sight.
But unfortunately, he was too late.
Emilia: "Subaru! There you... are."
Her voice, one that a moment ago was full of joy the moment she found him, immediately lowered to total silence the moment she laid her eyes on him.
Subaru: "U-um, hey Emilia-tan."
He could only croak a simple greeting as he saw the corners of her eyes begin to tear as she rushed toward him.
Emilia: "Subaru!!!"
She rushed toward him at a speed even he couldn't see.
Emilia: "Subaru, please! I-it'll be alright, you'll be fine, please, s-stay with me!"
She immediately cast healing magic on him while reassuring him that he'd be fine.
Emilia: "U-urgh!"
She ended up collapsing herself.
Subaru: "...E-Emilia-tan...!"
Subaru tried to catch her, but his body was already starting to fail him due to the accumulation of damage from both the internal bleeding and the obliteration of the left side of his body.
Emilia herself didn't realize that she had started burning her own Od into her healing magic due to her mana being completely spent at this point.
Subaru: "Emilia-tan, please stop."
He firmly said, forcing her to put her healing magic to a stop.
Emilia: "B-but...!"
Subaru: "...It's alright. It's fine..."
He tried to reassure her.
Emilia: "B-but, Subaru, you're...!"
Subaru: "Emilia-tan."
He simply said.
Subaru: "...Can I ask you for a lap pillow?"
Emilia: "...Eh?"
Subaru: "...Please?"
Emilia: "O-okie."
She stood for a bit before plopping down into a seiza.
He couldn't help but smile at how cute she sounded using his Subaruism despite being literally at death's door.
Subaru tried to drag his body to her, only to fail before collapsing onto her.
Emilia: "Subaru!"
She quickly held onto him before slowly laying his head onto her lap.
Subaru: "Ah, this feels so much better."
Although he could barely feel anything at this point.
Without realizing it, Emilia started to comb over his messy hair with her fingers.
It felt pleasant, despite his lost sense of touch at this point.
She also enjoyed it, ignoring the clumps of blood mixed within them from his wounds and just did it like he wasn't dying at this very moment.
They both needed a way to distance themselves from their current predicament.
Subaru: "Emilia-tan."
Emilia: "Hmmn?"
She weakly hummed in response, too tired to even properly answer him due to her own exhaustion catching up to her. Yet the nickname always managed to steal her attention no matter what, because it showed just how much Subaru loved her.
Subaru: "I'm sorry."
She was surprised to hear him apologize. Why was he saying sorry? It should've been her apologizing for failing to save him right now.
Emilia: "W-why are you apologizing?"
Subaru: "I'm sorry that you had to see me like this."
Emilia: "What? Why?"
Subaru: "Because I don't want to make you cry because of me."
Emilia: "Why?"
Subaru: "Because—"
Before Subaru could speak his next sentence, Emilia immediately cut him off.
Emilia: "Why can't you ever rely on me?"
Subaru: "Wha-"
Emilia: "Am I really that useless?"
Subaru: "No, Emilia—"
Emilia: "Then why? Why do you have to keep acting tough even when you're d-dying?"
She stammered as she said the last part, still refusing the reality that was beginning to settle in.
Subaru: "Because I don't want you to see how weak I am."
Emilia: "..."
She refused to remain silent, wishing to tell him how strong he was compared to any of them, but it was obvious that he had more to say, so she had to let him speak first.
Subaru: "Emilia. Unlike Reinhard, I'm not invincible. Unlike Julius, I'm not the perfect knight. Unlike Felix, I'm not the best healer. Heck, unlike Al, I can't even do things on my own without tripping myself into a near-death situation. I always make someone worry for me, make you waste your time worrying for someone like me. I'm supposed to be your knight, it's my role to worry about you, to aid you, not the other way around. But here once again, I'm reminded of what a failure I am. Once again I made you cry due to my own failure. How can I live like this? How can I ever be worthy of your love if all the things I ever do are being a burden to you? So please, don't blame yourself. It's my fault, and I wouldn't like it if you decided to blame yourself for it."
She remained silent for a while as if to digest everything he spoke and to gather her thoughts before she broke the silence.
Emilia: "I'm sorry."
Subaru: "What?"
This time it was Subaru's turn to be surprised.
Emilia: "I'm sorry because I caused you to become like this. I'm sorry that I drove you into a corner, for you to think it's wrong to ask for help because you think that you're weak, even though you're stronger than any of us. I'm sorry because you've done a lot for me, yet I never thanked you enough for you to truly appreciate yourself for what you did. I'm sorry that I was foolish enough to never recognize my own answer to your confession. I'm sorry that all of this has caused you to end up d-dying here because of me...!"
As she spoke her thoughts, she slowly began to break down before forcefully bringing herself up again, wiping away her tears so that she could finish what she wished to tell him after all this time.
Emilia: "I'm sorry."
As she took a deep breath, she finally spoke the words that she should have told him a long time ago.
Emilia: "Subaru."
Emilia: "I love you."
Emilia: "I'm sorry that it took me this long to recognize these feelings. I'm sorry that you can only hear it from me after everything has happened. A-after it was too l-late...!"
Her tears started to flow again.
As she cried, she felt something that touched her face, wiping her tears away.
A finger. A hand. One that she could not see.
Geuse?
She thought, once again reminded by the sensation brought by the invisible hand when it dove within her chest to crush the false heart of the accursed Archbishop of Greed.
But this time, she could only see Subaru within her gaze, and that was all that she wanted at this moment.
Sloth, because I'm unable to wipe away your tears.
Subaru: "Please don't cry."
He quietly pleaded with her as he began to feel his life slowly fade away at last.
Invisible Providence.
An accursed power brought to him through the Authority of Sloth.
It had shown to be an extremely troublesome Authority under the Archbishop of Sloth, with him capable of commanding over hundreds of Unseen Hands.
Yet even trying to use one hand was enough to make his Od feel like it was being drained from him.
But right now he didn't feel any of that pain.
In fact, right at this moment it felt like it was a part of him. Another limb for him to utilize as if it had been a part of him from the start.
One that he could only use to wipe away her tears.
But that's enough. That's more than enough.
He was happy to be granted this power if he could wipe her tears away with it as well.
Subaru: "How are the others? Are they safe?"
Emilia: "Y-yes...! They all are safe, t-thanks to your planning!"
She spoke through her tears, her eyes blurry as she tried her best to smile at him even after everything.
Subaru: "I-I'm glad..."
He was growing even weaker.
At least, even if he left this timeline behind, those he cared about dearly would remain safe and sound.
That was already a win for Natsuki Subaru.
Even after promising Satella to love himself more, he couldn't help but be glad that they could be happy and live without him.
Though the same thoughts didn’t flow within their minds, especially Emilia’s.
Now, only one thing remained.
Subaru: "Emilia-tan."
He spoke her name with such tenderness that it would have melted her heart if it wasn't for the current predicament.
He reached out his hand to her. Emilia immediately grasped his hand tightly with both of hers, as if trying to prevent the warmth of his body from leaving her.
Subaru: "I love you too. Thank you... for.. everything..."
He confessed his love to her once more, for a final time with all the strength he could muster.
Light finally left his deep brown eyes as his hand went limp in her hands.
Emilia: "N-no, no, no! S-Subaru please! Don't leave me! Please stay, my knight!"
She broke into sobs as his death finally sank into her.
Emilia: "...I love you."
Regrets filled her heart as she began to reminisce about their memories together.
Regrets of not spending more time with him.
Regrets of not telling him that she loved him too after all this time.
Regrets of not being able to start a family with him, bearing his child in her arms.
Regrets of not being able to sit by his side in the Throne Room as they ruled the country as its King and Queen.
That day, the only thing louder than the dying flames that burned through Priestella was the wailing of a Witch, one filled with heartbreak as she mourned her beloved knight.
One that she will soon forget once again.
Natsuki Subaru opened his eyes.
Oh.
He was here again.
The Shadow Garden.
The place where he would end up from time to time when he was asleep, unconscious, or dead.
But for once, there was silence.
He couldn't help but be a bit disappointed as there were no declarations of love for him within this shadow realm that seemingly extended forever.
He thought that no one was here until he heard a sound.
A voice.
One that was similar to the chime of silver bells.
A sound he had truly come to love.
And it was also filled with sadness, guilt, shame, anger—so many emotions.
Yet in the end, there was love.
He began to follow it, seeking to reach the source of this voice.
As he slowly drew near to it, he finally was able to recognize what it was.
A sob. Wailings.
As he finally arrived at the source, he saw her.
Satella.
She was crying.
To be fair, it wasn't the first time he had ever heard her cry. Definitely wouldn't be the last.
Yet every time he heard it, he could only feel a heartbreaking ache within himself.
He, without realizing it, immediately rushed to the owner of the voice and embraced her from behind.
He hugged her tightly, as if to stop her from breaking apart if he ever let go again.
Satella was shocked the moment she felt his embrace, her sobs quieting down to mere whimpers.
Satella: "My love?"
She said, as she finally turned to face him.
Despite bearing the same voice as Emilia, her voice for some reason seeped into him like poison, one that threatened to melt him down as it reached deep within the core of his heart.
Subaru could see that her face was a mess, with her tears completely drenching her cheeks.
He wiped them away with his hand.
He couldn't help but notice how weird it was for him to be aware of using his hand to wipe away her tears.
Subaru: "Satella."
He spoke her name. She could only gasp at how endearing his voice was when he said it.
Subaru: "Please don't cry."
Yet again, he requested the same thing towards the Witch as he did towards his liege.
He really couldn't think of a way to do things differently, could he?
While he thought so, the Witch's mouth was slowly turning into a smile while her face became flushed.
The fact that he treated her the same way as he treated her doppelgänger meant that he held at least some semblance of affection for her.
And that was more than enough to bring a smile to her face for now.
Subaru: "That's better. It's a pity that such a beautiful face ends up crying all the time, try to smile a bit more."
He tried to comfort her with a bit of flirting.
He almost succeeded, as the Witch was quickly turning into a blushing mess, only to turn sorrowful once more.
Satella: "I'm sorry."
Subaru: "What?"
Again. Those words.
Satella: "I'm sorry that I can't help you a bit more. If I could then you wouldn't have to die again, to do it all again...!"
Bitterness seeped into her words as she began to look down into her lap, her hands on them as they began to grip so tight that they turned white.
Subaru: "Satella."
She looked up at him once more.
Subaru: "Thank you."
Satella: "What?"
Subaru: "Thank you for giving me Return by Death. Thank you for bringing me here to Lugunica. Thank you for giving me another chance to start again. Thank you for letting me meet Emilia and the others. Thank you for making me realize just how loved I am. Thank you for telling me it's okay to rely on others."
He took a deep breath.
Subaru: "And thank you for telling me that you love me."
He bowed to her.
Satella could only sit on the floor in shock, as he showed his gratitude toward her.
Satella: "I-I don't...!"
Tears threatened to break free from her eyes again as she vehemently tried to deny his thanks.
He immediately shut it down by grabbing both of her hands into his, forcing her to focus only on him.
Subaru: "Satella."
He looked at her with his brown eyes. She was beyond happy at this point despite the tears flowing from her eyes. Three times had he spoken her name with such endearment that her heart felt like it was going to break free out of her ribcage if she didn't calm herself fast enough.
Subaru: "Love yourself."
Satella: "...Eh?"
Subaru: "Just like you've told me to love myself, to rely on others, I want you to do the same."
Satella: "B-but—"
Subaru: "Of course I know that I'm the only one here that can reach you, so please, rely on me as well. I'm sick and tired of watching everyone I care about crying again."
The implications didn't escape the Witch's pointy ears.
Was he saying that...?
Subaru: "Yes, Satella. You're also one of the people I hold dear. So please."
He cupped one of her cheeks in his hand, caressing it tenderly.
Subaru: "Don't cry."
Subaru: "I want you to smile instead, so that I can enjoy a beautiful view whenever I come back here, okay?"
If she wasn't already a blushing mess, she definitely was after he said that.
Subaru was also no different, with him doing his best not to cringe as he spoke to her with sweet words that even he was unable to recognize as to where he got the inspiration from to say them.
As if he once spoke these words to her a long, long time ago.
Satella: "Y-yes..!"
As he gazed upon her dazzling smile, losing himself in the brilliance of her amethyst eyes, the Shadow Garden began to shake.
Subaru: "Ah, it seems that I'm about to go back."
A tinge of disappointment could be heard from him as he spoke his thoughts out loud.
Subaru: "Well then, next time we meet, I'll make sure that we have other topics to talk about since I want to know what we used to do together back then!"
Satella: "O-okay...!"
She nodded.
Satella was feeling so happy that she decided to take this chance to prove her superiority compared to her doppelgänger.
As Subaru was about to disappear, she lunged at him into a tight embrace.
Subaru: "H-hey! What are you—mmph!?"
Before he could argue further, he felt a soft peck on his lips.
A kiss so soft, so light, yet filled with so much love that it sent him into a lovestruck daze.
As Satella pulls away from him, Subaru’s face was a blushing mess, only able to take a glimpse at her giggling with a cheeky expression as he faded back to the outside world.
Satella: “I love you.”
She spoke, letting the words seep into his core as the last thing his ears caught before he was pulled back outside.
Silence returned to the Shadow Garden, yet her heart felt lighter than before.
But it didn’t stop her from crying as she witnessed one of his deaths once again.
It never got easier.
Every time he died. Every time he lost his life.
Those screams. Those tears. Those whimpers.
All of them as he clung on, even to the last shred of his fading Od.
It haunted her—forcing her to face the fact that he had gotten hurt once more, that he had died once more.
His corpses piled upon each other, slowly becoming a mountain of bodies, with a river of blood seeping from them.
Of course, it wasn’t there physically.
The only way to bear witness to it physically was through his Book of the Dead, piling up within the shelves of the Taygeta Library with each passing death.
So the Witch cried.
She mourned his deaths.
She continued to do so.
Whether it was the one occurring just now…
Or the ones that had occurred 400 years ago.
For the last four centuries, the Witch had been crying.
Was she crying for her cruel fate? Being trapped within the Seal for the last 400 years?
No.
The Witch cried because she mourned the deaths of her Beloved. And she would continue to do so until her end finally arrived, or until the boy finally came face-to-face with his final death.
Once more, a new cycle was unveiling.
For the Witch of Envy, this departure was only temporary.
For the Witch of Glaciation, this departure was one where she had truly lost the one she loved forever—one she realized too late.
One that she would forget.
In the end, it didn’t matter.
For they both cried all the same.