Chapter Text
(This chapter was rewritten in 22/06/2026)
The Night Shift was peaceful, if not a bit lonely.
Sorting the literature part was quite entertaining even knowing the Order would classify most of the pile as prohibited or heretic, being able to read it once was worth the headache induced by sorting a pile of files, hundreds of pages detailing The Order works and doings in all it´s existing years.
Her eyes itched even thinking about it, she went to scrath as her hand hit her glasses lense, now exhibiting finger marks alongside dust from the shelves. She sighed.
As she took it off, the doors opened.
She couldn´t see it right, be it by vision problems or the hood covering the upper part of her sight. Even so, she was capable of feeling something coming out of the person wearing the brown cloak, a torn one, its boots, dirt from the travel, with the same color as the cloak, started to move.
“U-uh, excuse me!”
The person seemed to notice her, or simply didn´t care.
It was hard seeing at the dim lights of the library, but her red dress, if not by being the only other person there, should´ve been noticeable enough. Cleaning her own glasses, she looked around, this person was silent as death, as they went straight to older scriptures.
“Excuse me.” She started soflty, but sounding extremely loud in the silent and tense atmosphere “This is classified, please, head back to the main area and-” as she reaches to touch its arms, lightly, to ask for their attention, the person´s head snaps to look at her before she could get too close, she looked up, frightened with the eerie feeling that was starting to consume her, making her anxious as her fight or flight screamed for her to just do something.
A pair of icy blue eyes pierced through her very own soul.
-
She waited…
And Waited.
And waited.
Staring out of the hotel´s room window, she had to face the fact that maybe, this time, he wasn´t coming back. She was used to be left to her own doings while he went out, recently there was a new development, he did tell her he was looking for informations about hell gates, she couldn´t help much with limited knowledge, but the nights had been fun, talking about theories and trying to dissect the workings of such structures, they were doing alright.
So, what went wrong?
He was gone in her sleep, she could´ve sworn he was a figment of her imagination if not by a blue coat, his coat, hanging on the single chair, the bracelet he gave her, in wich made her see this, at first glance gloomy, companion in another light, and lastly, the pictures.
One of the first things she got after lefting her hometown was a camera, it was second hand and the flash had a mind of it´s own, but she wanted to keep something from the places they went, remember the feeling of freedom that came along those scenaries.
And if she sneaked a picture or two for herself, does it even matter?
Even though she was, addmitedly, quite naive by comparision, being raised in a cult and as a result not having the feeling of questioning anyone, she knew he had plans the day they met, he looked like a man on a mission, and she wanted to help him as he indirectly helped her, but soon the desire to help became another thing entirely, and it hurt like hell.
How to be enough for someone so driven by ambition?
For the last three days she waited, as she had nowhere to go nor know what do do next, her funds were short too, she could head back to were she started, but then what she went through would be for nothing, she was desperate, but not dreading the future enough to considerate doing that now. But she knew the money wouldn´t be enough to cover the costs of her stay. It was a unspoken rule between the two, stay at the cheapest place that didn´t look sketchy, not too much at least. This one was a family bussiness ran by an old couple, simple, but lovely, and their love story may or may not have pulled some strings on her, making her extra simpatetic with the harsh situation the family was into with not enough to hire more people and having a workload for only three people, the couple´s kids, and a pair of elderly people.
A knock sounded, cutting her train of though.
“Yes?”
“You still there, miss?” an unsure voice came, her dissapointment was visible in her face, maybe...“It´s been a while, ya know. Can i come and clean the room?”
“Y-yes, of course.” getting up, she tried to soothe the wrinkles in her clothes, opening the door she was greated by one of the couple´s daughters. “I´m sorry, and excuse me…?”
“Debrah.”
“Right, thank you” She bowed.
“Nah, cut that and get up, literally family business right here, do not fry ya little head with this.”
She laughed a bit, waving goodbye to the other woman. Walking down the corridor, passing the other rooms, the hotel could barely be called one, but it felt like home, be it by the decoration or just the overall care put in it by the family.
Family… She couldn´t help but wonder, she had someone she viewed as family, not in any particular role, but she trusted her. Even so, she wondered what it might be like, she could change the past, but once she hoped to have a family of her own and that this care would be as noticeable as the one she was feeling while making her way out.
Hopes change very fast and love came at the worst time.
She could see why she fell for him, maybe a mistress complex as he took her off a bad place and showed her something she deeply desired, even though the reality of this was that he never asked her to come and she just invited herself to tag along. But he was handsome, although scary, and even if he was emotionally constipated, he was a gentleman in more regards than she initially though due to his harsh behavior, he was someone who needed patience and trust, and she tought she gave it to him.
As she wasn´t a fighter nor someone conventionally strong, there was always the possibility of becoming a liability sooner or later and maybe, but just maybe, she gave more credit to their relationship than she should.
She didn´t tell goodbye to the old lady while she went out, deep in thought.
-
“So, are you going to check out, young miss?” She felt as an out-of-body experience happened right there, her soul scaping her body due to sheer scare.
Her walk turned in a malformed plan in three parts: find somewhere to go, find some way to stay and sort the options out. She introduced a new one as she arrived the hotel, the part were she failed her plan. She bought some pastries in her way back, if she´s broke, she can at least have one last meal before having her mental breakdown.
She went still looking at the older lady, one of the owners, Helen, if she´s not mistaken.
“I… uh, i mean-”
“were is the boy that came in with you?”
It was disarming hearing someone calling him boy, albeit not entirely wrong, he was indeed a bit younger than her after all… And a lot younger than Helen.
Maybe her face gave her away, but Helen´s eyes softened while looking.
“Just… let me stay until i find a job, and then i´ll pay all i owe you and-” She bottled up her emotions, looking as confident as she could, even as a softspoken person she could get her point across if she really wanted, maybe a sparkle in her eyes or her unwavering tone got the other woman´s attention because with only a hand movement she sinalized for her to stop talking.
“No need for that.”
“But-”
“I supposed we do need help, and you do have a good pair of hands. We´re short on funds so we can´t pay you the full wage.” Helen raised an eyebrow “If you don´t report us we can work it ou, sweetie.”
It wasn´t the best and sounded a bit illegal…
“I appreciate.” she bowed once again. “when do i start?”
“Right now, door at your right, Rachel is busy with the dishes and Deborah is trying to fix room´s 2 shower, so you´re on cleaning duty. The things you´ll need are at the cabinet in the end of the corridor.”
“Alright, i can handle this.” as she approached to grab the cabinet and room keys, Helen looked her dead in the eye as if evaluating her.
“Good luck” was said soflty, an almost husk tone.
Well, now she was scared.
-
Two weeks passed and she got to met the other two remaining family members, Gideon, the younger sibling, was really something and left a whole impression after his failed attempt at fixing the back door (“And that´s why we leave it to Deborah!”), but he was undoubtly the best cook, even his coffe was the best she ever had, not that she had much in comparison. Saul, the father, had a stern look on his face, she could feel the cold radiating off of him the first time they´ve seen each other, she tought he was a scary elder until she saw how he behaved within his family company, he didn´t change dramatically, but there was something, a softness while looking at Helen, a hidden laugh watching his kids bicker, he was serious, but not hearthless, as he welcomened her in their day to day life.
Helen was the hardest one to deal with, not because the woman was difficult or demanding, but because she could feel it, the pity in her eyes that would come when she least expected, as if she knew something she shouldn´t…
“...I love you” followed by a sepulchral silence, she knew she shouldn´t have said that, it was too late...
Anyway, she was kitchen bound today as Gideon was off in the city for supplies, Rachel was conducting her, she wasn´t a bad cook as she used to live alone, but she did lack some abilities, it was fun learning new recipes and getting away with family secrets herself, she felt included enough.
“Ella?”
“Hm”
“Are you okay?” Rachel stoped stirring the pan, she was making a dessert, milk sweet, the brown spread looked and smelled divine, if not a bit overly sweet.
“Yes, why?”
“You kinda green” Rachel pointed out, and Cornella turned to look at her, her glasses reflecting the light coming out of the windows, making it harder for Rachel to recognize Ella´s expression, but she looked eerily emotionless for a moment and then, she smiled, her eyes closed.
“Yeah, i guess so” she turned to face foward, her eyes unfocused while she washed the dishes “I did ate at this new place dowtown, guess i just didn´t like as much as i thought.” she laughed, but it sounded hollow, Rachel didn´t seemed too impressed, but left her for now.
Their thing wasn´t an one night stand, she prefered to think of him as a good friend, maybe an object of affection, as they did have a very flowery friendship some months prior to his vanishing. She knew it wasn´t a common cold, but maybe it would pass with enought rest, she refused to believe that in all the times they spent together, the one time she slips and he leaves is the time he leaves with a gift other than a bracelet or a new pair of glasses.
It would be only food poisoning, hopefully.
-
“Cornella!”
Yeah, it wasn´t the food after all, the food was great indeed, she felt quite bad blaming it.
She woke up in her room, it was a small, spare one, for her to not occupie a whole hotel room. Her bedroom only had one bed, right below a single window, a clothes rack with new additions, thanks to her, now, friends. She and Rachel were close in age and in size, but not much in taste, as Rachel was quite the punk, but some of her older clothes, the ones in wich didn´t fit her style quite well, were a match made in heaven for Ella, the black cardigan became her to-go for almost everything. In her desk, not much either, her camera sat next to some new pictures close to a book she bought recently.
“You don´t read this one as much as the others, do you?”
He spared her a glance, looked dismissive but she knew he was listening.
“The pages are not as worn as the rest…
Love and harmony combine,
And round our souls entwine.
While thy branches mix with mine,
And our roots together join…” she paused as he was staring at her, his book in her hands.
“It´s foolish.”
“I mean, it might be… but i think it sounds lovely…”
She truly enjoyed the poem, and by extesion the book, it was something she wouldn´t be able to find back at her hometown, so as soon as she found one, old, it pages yellowed by time, clearly a book loved dearly for it´s previous owner, she had to buy it as it called to her. He really did ruin her in many ways it seems.
As her senses slowly came back, she could feel someone poking her, opening her eyes, the figure was quite back, she was still adjusting to the light and her lack of glasses were not helping her recognize the blurry person right in front of her. Sitting strait as her vision clears, she found out it was Rachel who was poking her, Debrah not so far behind.
“The princess´s awake!” Rachel mocked, but the worry in both was palpable.
“When you said you were sick we though that it was a fever, maybe coughing, but faiting?” Debrah came foward carrying a cup of tea, it´s herbal smell helping with her headache. “Here.”
“Thank you.”
“I beg you, go see a doctor or something before you die or pass it to someone else” Rachel started “And if it is contagious, please get our brother.”
“Rachel!”
“What? He´s being a pain in the-”
“Enough!”
“But- Debrah!” Ella laughed while Debrah dragged Rachel out of the room, the almost comic scene giving her a sense of confort. While shooing Rachel out, Debrah took a look at her, and Ella noticed that she knew.
-
“You don´t have to do it alone… You´re enough”
“Don´t pretend you know me!”
“I don´t, but you have better use for this words than i do. You know i don´t say it from a place of pity, as i truly mean it by heart.”
“Don´t try to sound smart, it wont get you any favors.”
“...But is it working?”
She did miss it, the playful banter, soft spoken jabs with no intention to hurt behind. For a moment, Ella left herself think, maybe if he was there, he would say that her pretending was foolish as it was obvious and a person with half a braincell would notice something was wrong (“Sorry, Rachel”).
She started puking almost everyday.
Ella felt the strenght leave her body more and more each passing day as it was hard for her to keep food in, as the smell alone made her sick. She was banned from kitchen duties and she was sure that Helen and Debrah had caught up her antics by now. The older woman even cornered her one day and asked about it, she denied everything, but Helen didn´t look convinced. still, she did gave her tea “for your health” she said, but ginger tea could only do so much.
As her stomach stoped being such a difficult thing to handle, the soreness did not fade, the month passed and tiredness seemed to consume her, she wanted to simply sleep all day.
She blinked, and four months passed since she was left here.
Sounding smart gave her many favors.
-
“Why are you crying?!”
“I don´t know, this strawberry looks so sad.” Rachel guided her by the shoulders to sit down, even her started getting suspicious as dense as she was.
“Maybe we shouldn´t have chosen strawberry shortcake today…” Rachel looked over her shoulder to the batter and sighed. “I can finish this.”
“But i said i would help you-”
“Girl, ya crying over strawberry, go on El, i wont tell mama… Or Debrah…” Rachel shivered saying her older sister´s name.
Ella got up and, instead of going straight to her room as she wanted, she went out, the city was a suburban one, with almost no buildings over four floors. The sun was warm, as the morning sunlight hit her, the breeze coming along did little to help her handle her anxiety as seeing was different than assuming what was really happening with her.
The drugstore was nerby, and she couldn´t help the shame that consumed her while looking for what she needed, medicine was already scarse from were she came as more fervorous followers tended to believe that their lord, Sparda, had the capabilitie of healing them. Ella was on the cetic side of things, and after getting out, she met demons, and it made things even worse, how could they worshipp a demon? He had his good doings, but a whole cult started to not sit right with her.
Now she wouldn´t get punished for doubting, at least.
Running back to her bedroom, looking at the plastic stick in her hands, it made everything feel more clear, as adrenaline rushed in her veins, her breathing shallowed and getting faster each one, her vision blurred. Ella wasn´t prone for anxiety attacks, she believed herself as capable enough in solving problems to not feel the need to be truly anxious, as her life did have a clear path assigned to her by The Order
Learn from us, work for us, marry and give us new followers, strenghten our city and our faith…
She couldn´t breath.
The bathroom door opened with the force of her body, almost collapsing, she held the sink and tried to breath, she just needed air to function, any amount, the walls were closing in and she felt like fainting. Her glasses were foggy, she could notice that, and her shaky hands, her toothbrush, she started feeling her hair falling over her sholders again. A breath.
In
Out…
It was going to be a rough night…
Her clothes lied scattered on the floor, the sunlight hit her face, calling her to life once more, the warms embrace of the sheets doing noting to stop her form joining the awaken.
“I love you…” was the first time she left her feelings scape, she had been careful enough every single one of them, as hard as it got, she kept it in check… Why now when everything was great?
The cold she was feeling on the other side of bed wasn´t allarming at first, he wasn´t a morning person, he was a daybreak one, she could give him that as creatures of habits, it was hard letting it go even under special conditions.
As she slowly raised, her vision peered over the blue coat throw in the chair, and she smiled, trying to appease the crescent feeling of despair consuming her guts… He loved this coat, he would come back to get it.
This wouldn´t be their last night.
But why did it feel like a farewell...?
She lied down in the bed, she felt nothing, suddenly everything that once was trying to get her felt so far, nothing seemed real for a moment. The two bars stared back at her, it didn´t matter how she looked at it, it would still be positive.
And she´d still be pregnant.
-
When a small bump appeared, she broke.
Was it too late to want her old life back? The one who wouldn´t come with responsabilities such as this, was she a bad person for thinking about giving up?
She… could try to go back, couldn´t she? If not, maybe a well intentioned family, they would be better than her, she knew nothing having no mother herself, Ella knew she would mess it up, she would ask Helen, maybe she knew a place or a way out of this and…
Would it take after her? Or maybe the father?
Ella shook her head, she was determined, she would ruin the child. And, suddenly, it was a child and not an it anymore.
She stoped before her hand could reach the door´s handle.
Placing her hand over her belly, she breathed slowly, her forehead bumping on the door as she closed her eyes. It wasn´t fair.
She was cursed to care.
Ella was aware of the tales and mysteries surrounding the savior, some said he had a family, offsprings as strong as the savior himself, she though it was only a way of dividing the people even more, how could someone love a demon?
It was never stated out loud, but she knew, he looked too much alike the paintings she saw, it colors faded over time, but the lead-white hair, with such a warm undertone for something lacking the vibrant hues of the oil paint. The color of the eyes faded over time, but looking at his eyes she knew that Sparda´s would´ve been the same shade of glacial blue that burnt with the cold it brought, eyes of a predator, inhuman.
Would her baby look like them?
Such a angelic look was almost controversial due to their deadly nature, she saw it only a couple of times, the though of being on the other side of his rage was enough to bring fear. She hoped, at least, she could teach her child to give the other face.
She could only hold to hopes.
-
Time is a scourge that latches into the living to drag them down the well of death as she felt like dying.
Months flew by since her decision of staying for her child like no one stood for her, not even the father, she had a gut feeling that this baby would be needy and a menace to society.
At first, she didn´t mind the pain, she got used to the soreness and bursts of pain all over her body, the pregnancy taking such a heavy toll in the last weeks until her due date that Debrah was eager on keeping her bedridden even when she said she was fine. The pain in her bones was nothing new, but the third time she felt it Ella started to feel aprehensive, and suddenly
A urge to push.
Her bed was wet and she could only scream with the pain surging from below all the way up.
Ella lost count of how long she stayed here, people spoke above her, but she couldn´t make out their words, her ears sounded like static, she felt dizzy, the emptiness of a dreamless sleep called her, but someone kept touching her, keeping her awake, she wanted to sleep, why couldn´t she?
“That´s so much blo-…”
“-ore towels! Fast or-”
“-ould go to an hosp-”
This family was so nice to her, they would forgive her for sleeping, right?
Her fingers were tingling when she closed her eyes.
My mother bore me in the southern wild,
And i am dark, but Oh! My soul is bright;
But i´m dark as if bereav´d of light
For when our souls learn´d the heat to bare
Thus did my mother say and kissed me
I´ll shade him from the heat till he can bear
And then i´ll stand and stroke his silver hair,
And be like him, and he will then love me.
A low grunt turned int a loud cry, as the child came in such a dark night.
It was a he, with such a red face from crying, Rachel delivered him to Ella´s arms, while soflty calling her back. The room looked battle torn, the child and the mother getting out alive might be a miracle by itself seeing how disheveled everything was.
Ella opened her eyes slowly, her face pale due to blood loss, she looked around as someone trying to understand her sorroundings, and then again, the grunt, calling for attention.
Such an angry baby.
She looked down, the first thing she noticed was a tuff of soft white hair, the same lead-white. She knew his eyes would be blue, but, hopefully, not blue as ice, but blue as the sky, bathed with sun´s warmth.
Looking outside the window, only the darkest void greeted her, the somber face of dusk consuming her whole.
“...Nero”
“What?”
“His name… It´s Nero”
Such an angelic look for something born in the darkest of nights, in the blood bathed bed, Ella giggled when her child´s face scrunched after hearing her, but he did not cry, only snuggling closer to her.
I should´ve know he would look painfully like you...