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“You take that back!” Qiao Ling cried playfully, delivering a soft kick to Cheng Xiaoshi’s shins.
The two were practicing what they learned in today’s training session with Liu Siwen. Since they had no punching bag at home — and don’t plan to waste their money on such — how else would they practice, other than on each other? Yeah, they aren’t going all out, but it doesn’t seem to be slowing their progress!
“Why don’t you make me!” Cheng Xiaoshi replied, landing soft punches on Qiao ling’s shoulder.
“You’re such a jerk…Stop moving so much!”
“Hey, realistically, your opponent isn’t going to slow down for you!”
The two continued to playfight in the kitchen, arguing and bickering like siblings. Eventually, they began to pick up pace, they were still careful to not actually harm each other, but they were hitting hard enough to knock the other off their feet.
They were so immersed in their battle that they didn’t notice the footsteps descending the staircase, or the third person watching them from a safe distance. Qiao Ling landed a fist on Cheng Xiaoshi’s chest before swiftly disappearing from his sight. Annoyed, Cheng Xiaoshi made an educated guess, spun around and slashed Qiao Ling across the body. She was on guard, it shouldn’t have hurt — only it wasn’t Qiao Ling he hit.
Lu Guang stumbled back with a yelp and crashed into a wall.
“Lu Guang!” Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling shouted, rushing to their friend’s aid. Cheng Xiaoshi knelt down and pressed an apologetic hand to Lu Guang’s cheek. “Lu Guang! Oh my god- I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you, I’m so, so, so sorry!”
Wide eyes met Cheng Xiaoshi’s concerned ones. The look Lu Guang gave him was full of shock, confusion, and fear; it was strange to see such a conflicting expression on Lu Guang’s face, he was always so stoic even in stressful situations, like he always knew what to do.
“Lu Guang?” Cheng Xiaoshi called out his name again. Lu Guang hesitantly took his eyes off of Cheng Xiaoshi and directed his gaze to the floorboards, hand coming up to clench his own shirt.
“I’m fine.” He said, a bit too harshly, before standing up and walking towards the kitchen, pushing past Qiao Ling. “Just don’t fight in such small spaces next time.”
Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling looked at each other, both equally confused. Lu Guang’s expression, they couldn’t quite tell what was going on in his mind at the moment, he just went silent and looked away, but not in an embarrassed way — like a child who just got in trouble. Cheng Xiaoshi saw shame, fear, shock, and confusion all mixed in Lu Guang’s eyes. And the way he simply looked away and got up? That’s just not how his Lu Guang would act.
He’s seen Lu Guang in action before, he’s not scared to throw a punch or two — and he definitely doesn’t shy away from protecting him or Qiao Ling, even if it meant getting physical. Not once did Lu Guang act like this during or after the Qian Jin incident.
“Is he alright?” Qiao Ling asked. Cheng Xiaoshi shrugged.
They didn’t continue their fight after, too ashamed to resume, especially in front of Lu Guang. Thankfully, he seemed fine now, as if wasn’t literally struck in the chest. Lu Guang so graciously served the three of them a big bowl of noodles — the same recipe Cheng Xiaoshi stole from Yu Xia and Lin Zhen.
“Thanks Lu Guang!” Qiao Ling thanked him earnestly. She and Cheng Xiaoshi both agreed to be on their best behavior, just for this breakfast.
Lu Guang nodded and took a seat next to Cheng Xiaoshi.
Breakfast was filled with an awkward silence, the shame and guilt still weighed Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling down. Lu Guang didn’t mind the silence, he didn’t find it awkward at all, but he couldn’t deny how strange it felt.
Lu Guang scoffed. “Your performance was impressive.” He commented, maybe a compliment would fuel an energy surge.
The two of them perked up, eyes widened at Lu Guang’s words. “Really?” They asked at the same time. After being slashed across the body, a compliment was the last thing Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling expected — if anything, they expected a harsh scolding. But a small light in their eyes was restored, Lu Guang liked that.
“Yeah.” He replied, looking back at his plate of food, away from their gleeful eyes. “I don’t have much knowledge when it comes to self defense, but your actions seemed well thought out and calculated.”
Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling smiled brightly.
“What! Pfttt, please! That was nothing!” Cheng Xiaoshi waved his hand in front of his face dismissively. “If you saw me in real training, I’d kick ass!”
Qiao Ling nudged him to argue, but Lu Guang only smiled. Thankfully, he was able to lighten the mood.
The two continued to argue over their meal, allowing for Lu Guang to eat in no-longer-awkward silence. Once their quarrel died down, they sat in their seats with crossed arms. Cheng Xiaoshi looked at Lu Guang and leaned towards him.
“So you thought I was pretty cool right?” He asked with a charming smile on his face.
“Sure.” Lu Guang replied simply, not wanting to feed Cheng Xiaoshi’s ego.
“Then why don’t you join Qiao Ling and I? Master Liu is in need of more students!” Cheng Xiaoshi proposed. It wasn’t a bad idea, the two of them did find themselves in… strange situations often — so learning how to defend yourself was an important skill they needed.
Lu Guang held his hand up in refusal and shook his head. “I’d rather not.”
Cheng Xiaoshi whined, he knew he would say that. “Why notttt~!!?” He cried, throwing his arms over Lu Guang dramatically. “C’mon, I know you’re not a fighter, but it’s not fighting if you’re defending yourself!”
“Yes it is.”
“That’s not the point, but Qiao Ling and I are much more capable than you — ah, no offense… better trained, I should say.” Cheng Xiaoshi’s playful demeanor shifts to a more serious one, genuinely suggesting him to join. “If you ever find yourself in a situation where I, or Qiao Ling aren’t there to help, I want you to be able to protect yourself.”
Lu Guang opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. In the end, he shrunk back in his seat and pulled away from Cheng Xiaoshi. “No, I know how to defend myself.” He replied. “I just don’t… like putting it into practice… against my friends.”
The uncertainty in Lu Guang’s voice was evident, and it made Cheng Xiaoshi back off. Clearly, Lu Guang was uncomfortable, and Cheng Xiaoshi knew his limits, but it took a lot to make Lu Guang uneasy. Maybe violence was a tough subject? But Lu Guang wasn’t scared of a fight, nor was he scared to take a beating — plus, he beat Qian Jin to a pulp without a second thought. There must be something else...
“…anyways-.” Cheng Xiaoshi changed the subject.
Lu Guang let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, grateful Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t press on; he did that often, but not this time. He most likely knew there was something wrong, and Lu Guang could only hope he doesn’t ask later, or hope he could find a decent excuse for his cowardliness.
Thankfully, Cheng Xiaoshi doesn’t ask; he and Qiao Ling don’t say another word about it for a while.
Lately, Lu Guang noticed they practice on each other a lot less than they used to, especially when he’s around. Still, when they do, Lu Guang doesn’t know if he should stare or look away. Their movements are captivating and skillful, it’s hard to not catch your eye — but he also can’t help the way his chest fills with dread with every hit they land on each other.
He can deal with people, no problem. He can defend and protect — but when it comes to standing up against the people he loves, he can’t bring himself to. He couldn’t when his parents hurt him as a kid, and he can’t against Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling; even if it’s just ‘practice’.
…
“What the hell…?” Cheng Xiaoshi mutters under his breath.
This dive was particularly rough. In theory, the commission was easy, just find the missing jewelry and return it. It’s just that Cheng Xiaoshi was put into a young child’s body. His parents were their clients, and the way they treated their kid — or Cheng Xiaoshi, in this case — was very telling of their true characters. He made Cheng Xiaoshi tap out of it before it got too much.
Over the years, Lu Guang has learned to turn down commissions dealing with family, or have a long, thorough talk with Cheng Xiaoshi before accepting. But family wasn’t mentioned at all in this request, and he hadn’t foreseen such events.
Lu Guang’s brows furrowed and he bit his lip. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “Cheng Xiaoshi, I’m sorry.” He said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t have accepted it if I had known.”
Cheng Xiaoshi slapped Lu Guang’s hand away, as if he were some annoying pest. It took him a minute to gather himself before speaking. “We-… we have to do something! Lu Guang, we-.”
Lu Guang shook his head before Cheng Xiaoshi could say anything ridiculous. “We can’t.” He interrupted. “You know we can’t.”
“But- but that kid-!” Cheng Xiaoshi, so full of empathy that it can blind him. “Our clients were abusing him! We can’t just complete this commission and face them again as if we don’t know anything!”
Lu Guang, in all honesty, wanted to help too. He’s always felt so strongly for children and domestic violence, this kid was no different. But they didn’t have time… they meet with their clients tomorrow, so that would leave only the night to conduct a full investigation through the photos. They could investigate as soon as they meet with the client, but that would only put them in danger. He’d need time to think of a plan, and he’s sure to think of one tonight, even if it meant depriving himself of sleep.
“I know what you’re feeling right now, however-.”
“There were bruises all over his body, Lu Guang!” Cheng Xiaoshi yelled loudly. He clenched his own arm, digging his nails into his skin at the thought of those deep blue and purple marks.
Lu Guang sighed. When Cheng Xiaoshi is upset like this, it is important to calm him down, otherwise he won’t listen to a word you say. Lu Guang uncrossed his arms and let them fall to his side.
“We can’t right now, Cheng Xiaoshi! The timing isn’t right…” He replied, stern and cold, to let him know his decision was final. He pressed a hand to his forehead, a painful migraine forming in his head. “Let’s just calm down, okay? I’ll make us something to drin-.”
Before Lu Guang could walk away, a heavy force slammed into his body, pushing him against a wall.
Cheng Xiaoshi loomed over him with fire burning in his eyes. He had tried to pin both of Lu Guang’s hands above his head, but missed one, trapping just his left hand. Cheng Xiaoshi’s gaze stabbed daggers into Lu Guang’s chest, the way he looked at him with the intent to harm… that same feeling of dread filled his body, making it so he was unable to move.
“Really!?” Cheng Xiaoshi yelled, his voice cracking from the emotion he was holding back. “We just watched a kid get hurt by his parents, and all you can think about right now is a drink!?”
If it were anyone else, Lu Guang would have fought back, but he wasn’t expecting this from Cheng Xiaoshi… he never once doubted his safety around him, even during the few times he did get violent after a hard dive, because Lu Guang knew it was out of adrenaline. Cheng Xiaoshi never meant to hurt him, but now, Lu Guang didn’t know.
Cheng Xiaoshi was arguing with him, he was holding himself back, he can control himself, he knows what he’s doing, he means everything. Every time he tightened his grip around Lu Guang’s wrist, he wanted it to hurt, he wanted to show him how upset he was. And Lu Guang couldn’t find it within himself to argue.
Cheng Xiaoshi yelled something, but it all flew over Lu Guang’s head. His mind was hyperfocused on the tightness around his wrist and the pain coursing through his arm. His chest began to hurt from the fear that intoxicated his body, reducing his muscles weak.
Lu Guang’s no stranger to this… he’ll be fine in the end, he always is… no matter what happens. He learned how to hide bruises when he was a kid, and the anime club taught him the beauty of full coverage concealer. If he just listens to Cheng Xiaoshi, he’ll be fine.
Lu Guang felt sick, he wanted to get away from this feeling, but it never ended well back then. As much as he wanted to push Cheng Xiaoshi away and hide somewhere, it was always best to just stay put until after. The pit in his stomach opened deeper as fear took Lu Guang in its grasp.
“Lu Guang?” Lu Guang’s eyes snapped open and looked at Cheng Xiaoshi. He expected to be met with rage and disgust, but he wasn’t — instead, Cheng Xiaoshi wore a face of confusion and concern.
He was still pinned to the wall, but the grip on his wrist had loosened up, when did that happen? “I thought…” Cheng Xiaoshi spoke abruptly. “I thought you passed out…”
Has he calmed down? “You shut your eyes and your arms went limp.” But he hasn't hit him yet …Would Cheng Xiaoshi hit him?
“You’re not gonna-?” Lu Guang shut his mouth. It was as if his senses came back to him all at once, of course Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn’t hurt him like that… he was the one that helped him through it, whether he remembered or not. Cheng Xiaoshi is kind, much kinder than he is.
But as loving as Cheng Xiaoshi was, that terror never left Lu Guang’s body. He was still so tense, as if bracing for a punch, a hit, a slap, anything. All he knows is that he won’t let his guard down, not for a while at least.
Lu Guang looked down at the floor boards, anywhere but Cheng Xiaoshi. He bit his tongue before speaking uncharacteristically soft “Can you let go, please?”. He clenched his fist, expecting refusal.
“Oh! Yeah- uh-.” Cheng Xiaoshi let go of Lu Guang’s wrist, and Lu Guang wasted no time to slip away from him once he was freed. It caught Cheng Xiaoshi by surprise seeing his frantic behavior.
Lu Guang wrapped his arms around himself and clenched his sleeves, hiding his body from Cheng Xiaoshi. He didn’t look back, but he didn’t go far either, just put a comfortable distance in between them, but god, they’ve never felt so apart before.
“Lu Guang-?” Cheng Xiaoshi called out, taking a step closer to him. He reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder, but Lu Guang pulled away before he could touch him. He moved quickly, like he was scared or something.
“Sorry…” Cheng Xiaoshi muttered. He’s only ever seen Lu Guang like this once before, and that was when he accidentally hit him when he was sparring with Qiao Ling. He couldn’t quite make a connection between these two events, but all he knew is that something was wrong. “I didn’t mean to yell at you like that… uhm… is- is your wrist okay?”
Lu Guang moved back, reestablishing the distance between them and turned around to face his friend. His teeth were tightly clenched together, refusing to speak for a moment, and his eyes were wide with caution. Cheng Xiaoshi noticed how Lu Guang’s fingers trembled as he desperately tried to stabilize himself.
He was acting like a frightened animal, only complying once he ensured his safety. Lu Guang wanted to take a deep breath, but he forced himself to shake it off instead. If he hesitated any more, it would only worry Cheng Xiaoshi. “I’m fine.”
Cheng Xiaoshi’s brows furrowed, he knew he was lying. But seeing how strange Lu Guang was acting, he was nervous to push on. “Are you sure? Let me look at it, I’m sure tha-.”
“The kid, we’ll help him, I meant.” Lu Guang said before Cheng Xiaoshi could finish his sentence. “But we can’t use photos, is all I’m saying… we’d need to gather informa- evidence after the commission.” Cheng Xiaoshi took note of the way Lu Guang grabbed his own wrist and rubbed it uncomfortably, and how he struggled to pick his words — which he never did.
Right, the kid. He was grateful to hear that they could help him, but now there was another problem; now, Lu Guang was acting weird and Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t know why. Well, he had just pinned him to the wall and yelled over him, anyone would render quiet after that; but this is Lu Guang. Similar situations have happened before (regrettably), and Lu Guang never behaved like this. He was always so calm and composed…
“Alright… okay, thank you.” Cheng Xiaoshi replied. He didn’t know what else to say.
They stood silently in the living room for a moment more, until Lu Guang broke the tension and turned around. “I’m gonna go to bed.” He said softly, before making his way to the stairs.
The suddenness of it caught Cheng Xiaoshi by surprise. There was so much he wanted to say and ask, he was using that time between them to formulate his sentences. “Wait, Lu Guang!” Lu Guang stopped and turned around to face him again.
He seemed better than before, he stopped shaking and released the grip around himself, but he didn’t let go of his left wrist. However, Cheng Xiaoshi could tell he wasn’t fully relaxed — Lu Guang’s shoulders tensed at the mention of his name, and he hesitated for a moment before he turned around.
“I’m sorry, again…” Cheng Xiaoshi spoke earnestly. He didn’t speak too loud, just softly, unsure of how to approach a scared Lu Guang. “I really am. If you’ll let me, I’ll try to help ease the pain.”
“Pain?”
“You’re still holding your wrist, it hurts, right?”
Lu Guang’s eyes widened and he immediately let his arms fall to his side. “No.” He said, quickly. “No, it doesn’t, it’s just a habit.” And that wasn’t entirely a lie. Lu Guang sighed and turned to the stairs. “… good night.”
Cheng Xiaoshi watched Lu Guang ascend the stairs, concern evident on his face. “Good night…”
Was he touching Lu Guang too much? It wasn’t a surprise that he’d be uncomfortable after what he did, but to see him act like this? He messed up real bad! He’d have to wake up really early in the morning and make something to make up for it, then he’ll apologize thoroughly over breakfast.
No matter how justified Cheng Xiaoshi’s actions were, he had no right to treat Lu Guang like that. Gosh, the guilt is eating away at him.
And what was with that ‘I’m fine’ bullshit!? Cheng Xiaoshi isn’t dumb, a child could tell Lu Guang was lying. Obviously, he hurt him, and Lu Guang didn’t want him to worry, did he? He’s so-… stubborn sometimes!
But…
Lu Guang is a great liar. That poker face of his makes it hard to tell when he’s telling the truth or not. If he couldn’t even keep up a believable facade, then he must’ve touched upon a sensitive subject, something enough to break the indestructible Lu Guang down.
He’d have to ask another day.