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Buck was tired. He was tired of Maddie worrying about him. He was tired of the constant stream of vistors he knew Maddie had arranged to keep an eye on him. He was tired of the endless tests his doctors kept ordering.
He knew he was being unreasonable. He’d been struck by lightning. He’d died. If it had been Maddie, he’d be camping in her living room, not letting her out of his sight.
If it had been Eddie… well, Buck didn’t know what he’d have done if it had been Eddie. He’d survived the well, and Eddie being shot. But if Eddie had actually died, Buck would probably have lost his mind.
So Buck was trying hard to be patient with Maddie and his friends. They loved him, and they were showing him they loved him. He knew he should be grateful. And he was.
But he was also tired. This morning had started with Maddie, then he’d had lunch with Hen, and spent time with Connor and then Josh.
And then he escaped. He’d been cleared to drive, though Maddie was unhappy about that. His jeep had always been his escape route, and it took him to freedom yet again. To start with, he just drove aimlessly, enjoying the novelty of being out on his own. He’d not been unsupervised since, well, since before he died. He turned on the radio and sang along at the top of his voice.
—————————————————
Buck hadn’t just vanished. He wouldn’t do that. He’d left Maddie a note, saying he was fine and that he was going out.
He’d not been brave enough to text her.
He’d only been free for twenty minutes when his phone rang. He spotted Maddie’s name flash up and decided to let it go to voicemail. He was allowed to take a moment. To be a grown up. The upside of all the medical tests was that the doctors all said he was doing fine. No problems or long term effects. So far, any way.
Yeah, Maddie would be mad. But that was a problem for a couple of hours time. He’s worry about it then.
—————————————————
Eddie answered on the first ring.
“Maddie? What’s up? Everything alright?”
“Is he with you?” No Hello. No How are you? Eddie had never heard Maddie so angry before.
“I take it you mean Buck? No, he’s not here. Why, did he give you the slip?” Eddie smiled to himself. He hadn’t signed up to be part of Maddie’s babysitting Buck schedule. He knew Buck would hate it, and he’d told Maddie as much.
“Not funny, Eddie. He took his jeep. He could be anywhere.”
“Hold up, Maddie. Much as we like to treat Buck like the baby of the family, he’s not an idiot. He’s a grown man, a trained and capable first responder, and he’s not going to flee the state. My guess is he’s just stir crazy and needs to breathe for a while. I’m sure he’ll call you soon, and he’ll be back for whatever you’ve timetabled for dinner.”
“Have you spoken to him?” Somehow, Eddie could hear Maddie narrow her eyes when she spoke. He promised himself never to get truly in her bad books if he could help it. Maddie Buckley was small but scary.
Eddie sighed.
“No Maddie, I haven’t. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him”.
“You two are normally joined at the hip, Eddie. Now he’s gone. You expect me to believe you’ve not been in touch, given that he died”.
He’s gone. He died.
Buck died.
The panic that these days always hummed just underneath his skin came to the surface with a roar. Eddie closed his eyes to try to steady himself. His breathing was suddenly ragged. He was back at the top of a ladder in the pouring rain, trying to see if Buck was breathing. He wasn’t, and if Buck couldn’t breathe, Eddie couldn’t breathe. All he could do was make gasping sounds.
Maddie must have heard the change. “Eddie?” Not angry any more. Worried now. “Eddie! You ok? Breathe with me Eddie. It’s Ok. You’re Ok. Listen to my voice. In for four, out for four. In… Out…”
Eddie was trying. He was. He tried to focus on Maddie’s voice, through the growing static in his head. His thoughts thrummed with Buck, seeing him lifeless hanging from the ladder, then hooked up to the machines in the hospital.
“Buck” he wheezed, broken. Maddie grasped on to that.
“Eddie, tell me about Buck. Four things you love about him.”
And Eddie didn’t have to think.
“How he is with Chris, his interesting facts, his kindness, his strength”.
“Good, Eddie. That’s great. Now, three things you don’t like.”
“His self-doubt, how often he puts himself in danger, his loft”.
Maddie didn’t know what Eddie had against Buck’s apartment, but now wasn’t the time.
“Good job. Two things that he’s proud of”.
“Being a firefighter, his relationship with Chris”.
Eddie seemed more focused now. He was breathing more steadily, though it was still rasping and sounded forced.
“And one important thing about him.”
“I’m in love with him”.
Oh. Oh!
Maddie didn’t know if Eddie had meant to tell her that, or if he was out of it still.
“Eddie…”
“S’Ok, Maddie. I’m fine.” He was present, at least, though his breathing was still off. Maddie coached Eddie through the breathing exercises for a couple of minutes before he was back in control of himself.
“Eddie, I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. Are you OK? I didn’t think…” Maddie sounded genuinely concerned.
“It’s fine Maddie. I’m the one who should be sorry for… overreacting. I just… it was a lot, you know? He was gone. Really gone. So I know why you are worried about him. I’m worried about him. I love him too. I did’t really mean to tell you, but it’s ok that you know. It feels good to finally tell someone, actually. So, yeah, I love him and I’m worried. But I also trust him. You should too.”
Eddie took in a shaky breath, still rattled, but trying to hide it. Maddie wasn’t fooled.
“Eddie, you on your own? Is Chris there? Need me to come over?”
“It’s fine, Maddie. Chris is at camp this week, so he’s Ok. And I really am fine.”
He heard her scoff.
“Yeah, sure you are. You and my brother make the perfect pair. Now I have to worry about you both”. She didn’t sound like she was joking, but at least her tone was fond, now.
“Tell you what” Eddie said, working hard to keep his voice steady. “I’ll message him and ask him to call you, or at least text you proof of life. But I am sure he’s fine.”
He’s doing better than me, Eddie thought.
“Thanks Eddie.” Maddie paused. Then added “You message me too, Eddie. I think we all forget how close you are to all this, with everything that went on with Buck. How close the two of you are, and how hard this must be for you. You need to be OK too, Eddie, and we’re here for you as well.”
In many ways Buck and Maddie were very different. Looking at them, you’d never tell they were brother and sister. But sometimes, just sometimes, Maddie says something so… well, Buck that it’s like she’s channelling him. Eddie smiled weakly to himself.
Out loud, he said “Thanks Maddie. I’m good.”
He thinks he heard her mutter “yeah, right” before she says goodbye.
After the call ended, Eddie took a deep breath and called Buck. He didn’t expecting Buck to answer so he was surprised to hear the call connect.
“Hey Eddie”. Buck’s voice. Warm. Relaxed. Alive. Eddie breathed just that bit easier. “I’m guessing Maddie called you.”
Eddie laughed, trying to make it sound natural. “Yeah, man. Your scary ass sister called. Apparently you are in serious trouble. Could you do us both a favour and call her? Or at least text? She is not happy. If not for her sake, do it for Chim. Who knows what he’s going through”.
Buck laughed. It was a beautiful sound, Eddie thought. He loved Buck’s laugh. He loved his smile. He loved his joy, his kindness, his warmth.
He loved Buck. And Buck was alive and happy. And that was all Eddie needed right now.
“Just call her” Eddie insisted. Then, a little hesitantly “I’m glad you are Ok. I was worried when she called. I mean, I trust you to make the right choices for you. But we lost you, Buck. We really lost you. For more than three minutes. And… I can’t lose you like that again. So, please, for me. Call Maddie. Be careful. Text me to let me know you are Ok, and call when you get home.” Eddie’s tone was light but his words were serious. And Buck could hear something else in Eddie’s voice. Something fragile he didn’t understand.
“Will do, Eds. I’ll call Maddie. And I-I’m sorry to have scared you.”
“Don’t apologise. It wasn’t your fault about the lightning and you aren’t doing anything wrong now.” Eddie’s voice was suddenly soft, but still fragile. “But you did scare me. And Maddie. Everyone. So, please, be patient while we get over this. Don’t push us away too much. I know we’re a lot, but we love you. Don’t disappear.”
“I won’t Eds. But I don’t wanna be a burden. I won’t be exhausting.” Buck’s heard Eddie’s breath catch in his throat. Shit. As soon as Buck said it, he realised what he’d done. He’d not thought of it for years, the fight in the grocery store. Fallout from the lawsuit. He’d moved past it. But he knew Eddie still felt terrible about what he’d said, despite all the time that had passed, despite how strong their friendship had become since.
“Eddie, I’m sorry…”
But Eddie just said “It’s ok” in a voice that belonged to someone else. Then he was gone.
After Eddie hung up, Buck found himself in the hills outside the city, and he parked up at a picnic spot. It was deserted and Buck sat on the grass in the late afternoon sun. He looked guiltily at his phone. Messages from Maddie, Chim and Bobby. Asking him, with different levels of urgency, to check in. Missed calls from Maddie and Hen. He knew he could have handled his need for space better, and he hated that he’d worried them.
Maddie picked up straight away when he called. “Buck? What the hell, Evan? Where are you?”. She sounded frantic, which made Buck feel even worse.
“Mads, I’m fine. I just needed space to think. I’m sorry. I spoke to Eddie. He knew I was Ok. Didn’t he…”
Maddie cut in. “Eddie messaged me, Buck. Just said you were fine. It lacked… detail”. He heard her bitter undertone. “At least you took his call.”
“Maddie…”
She sighed. “Are you Ok?”
“Yeah, Mads, I’m fine. I’m good. I took a drive into the hills to clear my head is all.”
“You could have told me. I’d have come with you.”
“I know Maddie, but - and please know I say this with love - it’s not space if someone is there with you.”
Buck heard her sharp intake of breath. “You needed space from me?”
“No, Mads, no! I needed space from me. From being the person struck by lightning. That’s how you all treat me. And I get it, I do. I died. And you love me. But sometimes it feels like I’m never gonna be allowed to be me again”.
“I-I’m sorry.” The quiet sadness in her voice made him feel terrible. “I didn’t mean…”
“Maddie. I love you too, you know. And I’m grateful, so grateful, you care so much. It’s hard for all of us. But you’ve not done anything wrong, and neither have I. We’re doing our best to get back to things being normal. It’s just gonna take a while.”
“How did you get so wise?” she asked, voice slightly choked.
“Actually, it was something Eddie said. About being patient with you all.”
Maddie laughed softly. “I should really have been nicer to him on the phone earlier. I might have said some… things… when I didn’t know where you were. It… upset him.”
“Maddie, you didn’t!”
“He forgave me. We’ve bonded over the shared terror of losing you. I’ve seen him spiralling too, much worse than me, so I know he really gets it. He just hides it from you better than I do. But I was going to check in anyway, after his panic attack earlier, so I can apologise again.”
“What? Maddie, what do you mean? What panic attack?”
“Damn. Nothing. Never mind, Evan. I’m just gonna go call Eddie. Chim’s here with me but you should message Bobby and Hen so they know you are Ok. I might have gone overboard when I didn’t know where you were. Love you, bye.”
“Wait, Maddie, no.” But she was gone.
Buck stared at the phone. Eddie had a panic attack? Today? Was that why he’d sounded so off on the phone?
Exhausting. Shit. Buck had really messed up.
Buck messaged the 118 group chat.
Hey, guys. Took a drive to clear my head. I did leave a note, but Maddie has made it clear that wasn’t enough. I’m all good, and heading back now. Sorry if you were worried.
He watched the various messages pop up in the chat, all glad he’s Ok.
Nothing from Eddie.
Buck called him. Eddie didn’t pick up.
He texted Maddie. You speak to Eds?
She replied straight away. He didn’t answer. I messaged him too. Will try again later.
That felt wrong. Eddie always answered. And he would have picked up for Maddie today, given Buck’s vanishing act and how upset Maddie was. Maybe he was sleeping. Or maybe his phone battery died.
Neither of those seemed likely. Suddenly Buck was very worried.
He jumped into his jeep and called Maddie as he headed back onto the highway, heading for Eddie’s house.
“Buck? I thought you needed space. You Ok?”
“Maddie, I can’t get hold of Eddie. What did you mean about a panic attack earlier?”
Maddie paused. Buck could hear her thinking. Deciding what to tell him.
“It’s not really for me to share, Evan. You should talk to Eddie…”
“I’m tying, Mads, but he’s not answering. I’m worried. I might have said something stupid when we talked. Seems to be the day for the Buckleys to do that. And he’s had panic attacks before and they were really bad. I mean, really bad. Like, baseball bat to the walls, out of control bad. So I need you to tell me what happened. For his sake.”
Maddie sounded scared now. “I didn’t know that. I thought the panic attacks were new since the lightning. He had a couple at the hospital while you were out. The only thing that works to bring him out of them seems to be talking about you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, I kinda came across it by accident. We do four things he likes about you, three things he doesn’t. You know the drill.”
“I-I’m, um, I’m not sure I do, to be honest. What happened today?”
“God, Buck, I’m such an idiot. When you vanished, I assumed you’d go to Eddie. You always go to Eddie. So I rang him, mad that he didn’t tell me where you were. I… I said you were gone, and it triggered a panic attack. Quite a bad one.”
“And you left him alone?” Buck was angry now. “Maddie, how could you?”
“I was worrying about you, he said he was fine. He sounded… well, not fine but in control. He didn’t want me to go over.”
Buck groaned. “Of course he said he was Ok, Mads. Have you ever met anyone better at hiding their feelings than Eddie Diaz?”
“Buck, um, what did you say to him that’s got you this worried? Did he tell you how he feels? Did you turn him down? I thought you felt the same.”
Buck’s entire mind shut down.
“What? Maddie, what do you mean how he feels?”
Oh god, this had better not be going where he thought it was. Buck thought he might be on the verge of a panic attack of his own.
“When we spoke, earlier… God, Evan, I thought he’d told you. Eddie trusted me and I’m messing this up for him. But we’re both really worried for him, so… during the panic attack, he shared something he didn’t really mean to. About how he feels about you. I really can’t say more. How… how do you feel about Eddie?”
Buck’s brain was short circuiting. How did he feel about Eddie? Was she really asking that, now?
“Maddie, you know how I feel. He’s my best friend.” But Buck knew that wasn’t the whole story. He sighed.
“And… and I’m in love with him. But that’s Ok. I have been for almost the whole time I’ve known him, so it’s fine. He doesn’t need to know.”
Maddie said softly, “I think he does, Evan. I really think he does.”
Oh. Oh.
So Eddie, his Eddie, had been so worried about him that he’d had a panic attack. And then, when Eddie was already really vulnerable, Buck had accidentally shoved that ancient argument in his face. Great job, Buckley.
“Mads, I’ve messed up. Big time Can you keep trying Eddie, please? I’m not far from the house now. If you get hold of him, keep him talking till I get there.”
“Should I meet you there?”
“Not yet. Don’t want too many people. I’ll let you know if we need you.”
“Be careful, Evan. With both of you.”
—————————————————
It was dusk when Buck reached the house. It was in darkness and looked deserted. Eddie’s truck was in the driveway, though, so Buck parked in his normal spot behind Eddie. He jumped out and raced to the front door.
“Eddie?” He called softly as he let himself in. “Eds? You here?”
No reply.
He pulled out his phone and called Eddie’s number. He heard the tinny ringing sound coming from the bedroom, and he followed it.
Buck knocked quietly on the bedroom door.
“Eds? It’s me. I’m worried about you so I’m gonna come in.”
Buck pushed open the door. He didn’t see Eddie at first in the semi-darkness. There was no scene of devastation, no damaged walls, no broken debris.
No Eddie.
But then Buck saw him.
Eddie was on the floor, wedged between the bed and the far wall. He was staring at the floor, and he didn’t acknowledge Buck at all.
“Hey Eds” Buck said cautiously. He walked slowly round the bed, turning a lamp on as he passed, and approached Eddie like he was a wounded animal. “What’ya doing down there?”
Eddie just stared, eyes blank and glassy, at the wall in front of him. His breathing was fast and shallow, almost like it hurt.
“Eddie” Buck tried again. “It’s me. I’m just going to sit down next to you.”
Buck awkwardly manoeuvred his large frame into the small gap between the bed and the wall. Now he was level with Eddie, he could see the red-rims to his bloodshot eyes, the tear-tracks on his face. It had been worse than this for a while, and Buck’s heart sank at Eddie suffering alone.
“I’m gonna touch you now, Eds. I’m gonna take your pulse. You just stay still for me.”
Eddie’s pulse was fast and uneven. Not great.
“Eddie, I need you to look at me. Can you do that?”
No response. No engagement.
“Eddie”. Firmer now. “C‘mon Eds. Let’s see those eyes”. Buck slowly reached out and gently cupped Eddie’s chin, tilting his face till their eyes met. Eddie’s warm chocolate eyes were vacant, and Buck wasn’t sure he knew where he was, let alone that someone was with him.
Buck took Eddie’s wrist in his hand again. He started drawing small circles with his thumb just over Eddie’s pulse point.
“Eddie, I need you to try and work with me on your breathing.” But Eddie didn’t seem to hear anything. Then Buck remembered what Maddie had said. The Buck checklist. Buck was getting desperate so it was worth a go.
“Eddie, I need you to tell me your Buck facts. I wanna know what you’ve been saying about me to my sister, man”. He tried to make it sound relaxed, teasing, but it sounded forced to his own ears.
He took both Eddie’s hands in his, holding his vacant gaze.
“Eddie, what are four things you like about me? About Buck.”
And, almost automatically Eddie answered.
“His patience, his friendship, his smile, his eyes”
The voice was flat, no emotion. But Buck could have cried with relief at the sound. Eddie was talking.
He would process Eddie liking his smile and his eyes later.
“Three things you don’t like?” Buck felt awkward asking but, if it worked to ground Eddie, it was worth it.
“He’s too hard on himself, he’s not mine, he died.”
Fuck. That was… a lot. Not mine? Maybe Eddie wouldn’t want Buck to know this. But he didn’t know what else to do. Buck wasn’t sure if Eddie would even remember telling him this stuff.
He realised he didn’t know what the other questions Maddie asked were. Two, and one. That was the pattern. Buck improvised.
“Two things we do together”
Eddie’s eyes seemed to clear and he was actually looking at Buck for the first time. Maybe it was the change to the routine, but Buck didn’t care.
“Work. Parenting Chris.”
Eddie was fully focused on Buck now. His breathing seemed easier. Buck felt he was winning.
“One thing only you know about me”
Buck thought Eddie would say something about him being in Eddie’s will, or his dark secret about hating mittens. He was not ready, therefore, for what Eddie did say.
“You are the love of my life.”
“Wha- Eds? What?”
Eddie’s eyes were clear and fully locked on Buck’s own.
“I love you” he said, voice now filled with emotion. “Evan, I am in love with you. I was scared to tell you, but you keep… you nearly died, my love. You did die. And I can’t hide how I feel any more. Losing you is the greatest pain I ever felt. You coming back, the greatest gift. Don’t worry, I don’t expect things to change between us. But I had to let you know how in love with you I am.”
Eddie paused and drew in a still shaky breath. “Sorry to tell you like this. But I just couldn’t keep it in.“
Then he blinked, as if realising fully where he was. “Buck? What’s happening?”
Buck gently helped Eddie up from the floor, sitting him on the bed. Buck sat next to him, and wrapped his arms around him, pulling Eddie into a hug. He could feel Eddie’s regular breathing, in and out. He could also feel that Eddie was still trembling. Almost without thinking, Buck pressed a kiss to the top of Eddie’s head, breathing in the smell of his shampoo as he did so.
“Panic attack” Buck said. “I think I triggered this one. I’m so sorry. Do- do you remember? I said I didn’t want to be exhausting”, Buck tightened his hold on Eddie, “and I think it brought back the fight. You know I’m over it, but I don’t think you have ever forgiven yourself”.
Buck kissed Eddie again, this time a soft brush of his lips to Eddie’s forehead.
“You have to, y’know, let it go, Eds. We aren’t those people anymore.”
“I know”. Eddie whispered. “But I hurt you so much. I nearly lost you then, and that would have been all down to me. I had been doing better with it but, since the lightning, I’m so close to full on panic all the time. I know you are doing well, and I’m trying to give you space. But then something triggers the feeling and I can’t keep it in check.”
“Like this morning? Buck asks, gently running his fingers through Eddie’s hair.
Eddie sighed. “Maddie told you.”
“Two panic attacks in one day is not great, Eds. You have to get help with this, babe. You can’t just ignore it.”
“Yeah, I should see if I can get an appointment with Frank. Though, let’s not forget that you seem to be the cause of all my anxiety. Maybe you could just stop nearly dying and disappearing, and stay where I know you are safe. That might help”.
Buck looked sheepish. “To be fair, Eds, I’m a grown man who’s a firefighter. You can’t wrap me in bubble wrap.”
Eddie sighed again. “I know, cariño. I know“. Eddie paused, then said “Um, Buck? You didn’t miss the bit where I announced that I’m in love with you, did you? ‘Cos, you know, the kissing? And you calling me babe? That’s new. But you never said anything…”
Buck cut Eddie off by kissing him, this time on the lips. It was soft, and gentle to start with, deepening and growing in heat and intensity as they melted into each other. Eddie was wide-eyed when Buck finally pulled away, and Buck thought it had been the best kiss of his life. Of course it would be. It was Eddie.
“I’m in love with you too, Eds. For so long now. I just never thought you’d feel the same.”
“But I do. So what happens now?”
“Well” Buck said, releasing Eddie slightly. “First, I need to speak to Maddie. She’s worried about us both and may already be on her way…”
But right at that moment, there was a determined knocking at the door. Buck groaned and got to his feet, pulling Eddie up after him.
“You good”? Buck asked, checking Eddie for any dizziness.
“All good” Eddie replied. Buck wrapped his arm round Eddie’s waist anyway, which Eddie very much approved of, and they made their way through the living room to the front door.
The knocking was loud and insistent. Impatient.
“Coming, Maddie” Buck called as he unlocked the door and opened it to reveal a worried Maddie, followed by a slightly sheepish Chimney.
Maddie hurried in and looked at Eddie and Buck. She did not miss the arm round Eddie’s waist, or the slightly stunned look on Eddie’s face.
“Eddie? You Ok?” She put a hand to his cheek. “You’ve had a hell of a day, it seems”.
Eddie just nodded. He didn’t really know what to say.
“We were just gonna call you, Mads, to let you know everything is fine. But, seeing as you’ve dragged Chim along…”
“Baby brother. I didn’t know what state we were going to find either of you in, to be honest.” Maddie sounded a little defensive.
“It’s helpful, Maddie. Chim, have you got your kit? Can you give Eddie a check? He’s had two panic attacks today and I want you to give him a thorough exam. I want to avoid hospital if it’s not necessary, but we’ll take him if he needs to go.”
Eddie seemed to be leaning more on Buck than he had been at the start of the conversation. Buck looked down at him.
“Dizzy?”
Eddie shook his head.
“Shaky?”
Another shake.
“Just tired” Eddie mumbled.
“Yeah, back-to-back panic attacks will do that to you. Go sit on the couch” Chim instructed as he bustled into the living room. They did as they were told.
Buck spoke quietly to Eddie as Chim worked through the different tests. He used the same voice that he did for Chris when he was upset or after a nightmare. He held Eddie’s hand, stroking circles on the back of it with his thumb.
Chim declared Eddie to be mostly OK. His blood pressure was elevated, but not worryingly so, and it tallied with normal after effects of a panic attack.
“He really needs sleep, more than anything. He’s on shift tomorrow but I’m gonna tell Bobby he’ll need to find cover. I’d say he needs to take a couple of days. He’s good to stay here, though” Chim concluded, packing his gear away. “As long as there is someone with him.”
Buck smiled and ran a hand through Eddie’s hair. His ocean eyes were soft and clear as they looked at Eddie. “I’ll be here.”
Maddie started to protest. “Evan, you can’t sleep on a couch…”
“I won’t” he cut in. “I’ll share with Eds.”
Maddie and Chimney exchanged a look.
“That sounds… platonic” Chim laughed.
“No, not really.” Buck answered calmly. “Not platonic at all.”
Chim exhaled slowly. “Finally!” He clapped Eddie on the shoulder. “Congrats, man! Oh, and I get to be there when you tell Hen and Bobby.” He grinned. Eddie gave him a soft smile.
Maddie’s eyes were glistening. “Buck, Eddie. I’m so pleased for you”, and she pulled them off the couch and into a hug.
“What that does mean, sister dearest, is that that you can stand down the baby sitters. I’ll be here, I’m fine and safe, and we will look out for each other. Like a family.”
Eddie couldn’t let that go. He reclaimed Buck from Maddie and drew him in for another kiss. Eddie noted that the kissing seemed to get even better with practice.
“Family” he breathed. Then he swayed slightly and Buck tightened his arm round Eddie’s waist again, before lowering him back onto the couch.
“Let’s leave you guys to it” Chim said, herding Maddie back towards the front door. “Eddie will be fine with rest. Buck seems to be doing really well, given he’s managed to nab himself a boyfriend on the fly”. Buck swatted playfully towards Chim with one long arm, but Chim danced out of reach. “Mads, let’s go home and so Buck can put Eddie to bed”. He grinned.
Maddie groaned and pulled a face. “That’s my little brother, Howard!”.
Buck gave Eddie a quick kiss. “Stay here, baby. I’ll see them out and be right back.”
At the door, Chimney gave Buck’s shoulder a squeeze. “We’ve all been worried about you today. I know you’ve got this, but call if you need anything. Or even if you don’t. It’s good to have you still around Buck, so please check in.”
Buck gave Chimney a nod and a smile. “Will do!”.
“And do not disappear again” Maddie warned. “It matters that we know where you are and that you’re ok. I need to know.”
Buck gave Maddie a quick hug. “Promise, Mads.”
“Go look after Eddie, then”, she smiled at him, heading for the car. Chimney followed.
Buck closed the door and headed back to Eddie. He was already dozing on the couch. Buck made a few quick decisions. He grabbed water from the kitchen, one glass he took through into the bedroom and one he brought to Eddie.
“Hey, baby”.
Eddie looked up at Buck, eyes glazed with impending sleep. “Hey” he murmured back.
“So I don’t think you’d be able to eat?” It was a question, and Eddie shook his head slightly.
“That’s Ok, babe. We can eat tomorrow. But I’d like you to drink this water please. You do need to hydrate.”
Once a very compliant Eddie had drunk the water, Buck returned the glass to the kitchen. Almost as an afterthought, he grabbed a couple of protein bars and slipped them into his pockets. He went back to the living room.
“Eds? Time for bed, baby.”
Eddie looked up at Buck and silently held out a hand. Buck took it and helped Eddie up from the couch. He guided Eddie through his bedtime routine as quickly as possible. Bathroom first, then to the bedroom to change into sleepwear. Buck deposited the protein bars next to the water, in case Eddie did wake up hungry in the night.
Then Buck gently settled Eddie into the bed, pulling the covers up and dimming the lights. He stroked Eddie’s hair and then ran his thumb along Eddie’s cheek bone. Eddie snuggled into Buck’s touch but let out a wounded little moan as Buck drew away.
“Hush, baby. I’m just going to get ready for bed, then I’ll be right back.” Buck’s leaned in and planted a kiss on Eddie’s forehead. “Right back.”
A minute later, Buck was sliding under the covers next to Eddie. He felt Eddie search for something, find his hand, and then entwine their fingers. Buck’s heart fluttered at even that gentle intimacy.
Eddie’s breathing slowed and evened out, taking on the hint of a gentle snore.
Buck smiled at how his life had changed in the course of just a day. From feeling frustrated and overwhelmed earlier, Buck was now spending the first night in a… relationship… with Eddie. His Eddie, now. He couldn’t wait to tell everyone, to tell Chris.
To really be a family.
Buck pressed a soft kiss to Eddie’s forehead, and followed him into sleep, knowing they had each other now and for the rest of their lives.