Chapter Text
Hyunjin could truly say that she was happy. She was living her dream, making a career out of creating music and getting to perform it. Had it taken a lot to get there? Absolutely. But it was worth it. It had been years of long nights in the studio of dancing and writing, getting her hopes up about how “this one could be the one”, and episodes of doubting herself to the point where she considered giving up. It was jostling, and sometimes she still didn’t know how she got there.
The one thing keeping her grounded had been Jisung. Her boyfriend had been there for her, helping her when things had gotten stressful and she needed someone to bring her back to earth and remind her that she was herself and that no one else could change that. The two of them had been together since they were 21, three years now. A few months ago, the media had gotten it in their minds that they had broken up, but they had never corrected them. “It’s none of their business,” Jisung had said. “If they want to think we’ve broken up, that's their problem, and they’ll know that it’s bullshit when we pull up to your next event with me as your trophy boyfriend.” Hyunjin had laughed and kissed him. He was right. Why waste time on it when it didn’t concern anyone but them?
She couldn’t imagine her life without him. He was her rock, and she trusted him with every bone in her body. Because he would help her through any storm.
Hyunjin was driving home from a late dance rehearsal. They had gotten pretty far in the choreo. Hyunjin loved it; it was fast, energetic, and the dancers made it look phenomenal in the end. She couldn’t wait for the fans to see it when it was finished. She felt a buzz next to her
and glanced over at her phone to see a notification from Jisung. She smiles and waits until she stops at a busy red light to quickly pick it up.
Hyunjin and Jisung
Sungie ❤️:
>What do you want to get for dinner?
Jinnie❣️:
>I’m good with anything, as long as it’s ready by the time I’m home, I am STARVING
Sungie ❤️:
>Eggplant lasagna it is
Jinnie❣️:
>Very funny
Hyunjin rolled her eyes with a smile and put her phone down before the light turned green. She knew when she got home, Jisung probably will have ordered takeout, and they’ll sit on the carpet surrounded by boxes of food– that will end up lasting them at least two days because Jisung always buys too much– and they’ll watch the trashy reality TV show they had been binging, falling asleep on the floor and having to back track through episodes in the morning because they had kept playing while they slept.
It was what they did. It would be what they would do for a long time.
==❣️==
Hyunjin and Jisung moved around each other as they got ready in the morning. Jisung was dressed for work, and Hyunjin was still in her pajamas, not having to be anywhere today, so her plan was to hopefully get some writing done. There were a couple of drafts she had started a few days ago that she could get back to. She poured cereal into bowls as Jisung prepared his lunch for the day. Hyunjin side-stepped past him to get to the fridge so she could tuck the box of cereal in the corner of the cabinets next to the appliance before opening the door to grab the carton of milk. Jisung walked by with his lunchbox in hand so he could tuck it in his bag by the door as Hyunjin closed the fridge and went back to pour the milk into the cereal bowls. Jisung opened up his bag and put away the box as Hyunjin was putting away the milk. Hyunjin grabbed two spoons from the drawer and stuck them into the two bowls before bringing them over to the dining table. They sat down at the same time.
The couple ate in silence for a few minutes, not needing to fill the space. Kkami sat on Hyunjin’s feet, still dozing off.
Hyunjin loved their mornings. It was so practiced after so long that it was one of the more calming parts of her day. Many people spent their mornings rushing around trying to get out the door, but they worked together to make it nice.
“Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention that there’s a museum art exhibit I got us tickets for,” Hyunjin said. “Here, I’ll put it in your calendar so you don’t forget.” She grabbed Jisung’s phone off of the table and flicked up to unlock it with Face ID. Her face had been put in there for as long as she could remember. It declined. She frowned. She tried again, and once again it denied her.
“That’s weird, your face ID isn’t working.” She said. Jisung looked up and laughed, but there was something off about it.
“Yeah, it hasn’t been working for me either. I need to get that looked at,” He said, looking back down at his cereal.
Hyunjin scrolled up to put in his password and had typed out the digits before Jisung picked the phone out of her hand and deleted it. He typed in a different password, and it opened. He pulled up the calendar app and gave her the phone.
“Did you change your password?” Hyunjin asked, confused. He had had the same password forever. Jisung shrugged.
“There was something about an information breach, so I changed it. Never too safe.”
Hyunjin was apprehensive but brushed it off. Better safe than sorry, she thought as she typed in the event into the calendar. Almost immediately after, Jisung grabbed his phone out of her hands.
“I've got to go,” Jisung said, standing up. Hyunjin frowned; his bowl of cereal wasn’t even half gone, and he didn’t start work for another hour.
“Where are you going?” Hyunjin asked, confused.
` “Early meeting.” was the only thing he said before he slipped on his shoes, grabbed his things, and went to leave. He paused with his hand on the door before turning around to walk back and kiss Hyunjin.
“Have a good day, love you.” He said before turning and leaving. Hyunjin could feel her heart sink in her chest.
“I love you!” She said as he was leaving. He waved goodbye and shut the door behind him.
Hyunjin sighed and looked down at Kkami, who was still at her feet. He looked up at her and lay his head down on his front paws.
“You’re here to keep me company.” Hyunjin said, leanign down to pet the dog before finishing her cereal. After that she got up and cleaned out both of the bowls, rinsing them and putting them in the dish washer. Today would be a chill day, she would get to hang around, maybe she would go on a walk for some inspiration and head to the nearby park. But today would be good, she was a little uneasy about the phone thing but she wouldn’t let it bother her.
==❣️==
Hyunjin had always kept her DM’s available. Did she check them? Almost never. After gaining popularity, the number of scams and creeps sending her DM’s was absurd to her. But she kept them open because the occasional goldmine was worth it. Hell, she had made one of her closest friends through DM’s. Iyan had sent her a message about how much she loved her performance at a festival they both were playing at, and asked her if she wanted to go around the festival together since she didn’t have anyone to hang out with. Hyunjin went to the girls set later in the day and was blown away. They spent the rest of the weekend together, and the rest was history.
The message she was staring at right now, though, made her blood run cold. She had opened up her DM’s after mindlessly scrolling for hours and saw a message from that morning. She clicked on it, not expecting the message in front of her.
Message from @Lee_MinAHHHHH
>Hey girl. I might be completely misreading this, but I feel like I need to tell you. I think Jisung is cheating on you. I’m not messing with you to be an asshole I promise. I’m so sorry.
Hyunjin at first wanted to scoff and delete the message. Whoever thought she would believe Jisung would cheat on her was a moron. But the last sentence made her stomach churn slightly. I’m not messing with you to be an asshole I promise.
Hyunjin clicked on the girl’s profile. She wanted to see if this was a real person. The profile picture next to the message was of a girl who looked around Hyunin’s age with long brown hair and heart-shaped lips. She was extremely pretty in Hyunjin’s opinion. Her profile read that she was 26, and worked as a dancer with a team Hyunjin had never heard of, but a quick Google proved that they did exist.
Hyunjin went back to the DM and took a deep breath. She felt in her gut that she needed to respond.
@Hynjinieeee
>Are you being serious
Minah responded extremely quickly, it was only a few minutes before a message popped up on her screen.
@Lee_MinAHHHHH
> Yeah, I am so sorry, I’ll tell you the full story of what I know and ss
> So basically, how the magazines and stuff had said you guys had broken up, about a month after tha,t he sent me a text out of nowhere. I didn’t know who he really was, so I checked his profile and did a bit of digging, saw you guys had “broken up”. I started texting him, and eventually he started flirting with me, and I flirted back a bit, under the impression he was single since you guys were more private after that, so I went on assuming you guys weren’t together anymore.
>[Screenshots of messages]
>Until last week, when the paparazzi got those pictures of you two going out for lunch, and everyone figured out you were not actually broken up
> It’s mostly been online but around two weeks ago we met up in person and we had lunch at a place in a different part of the city. At the end of lunch he drove me home and kissed me.
>[Screenshot]
>That’s what he sent me afterwards
>I’m so so so sorry girl
@Hynjinieeee
>No, thank you
>I’m going to think about this and I’ll talk to Jisung when he gets home
>It’s just hard to wrap my head around
@Lee_MinAHHHHH
>Of course, if you need something or want to see any of our other messages just ask me
@Hynjinieeee
>Sure
Hyunjin clicked off her phone and let it fall onto her chest. She rolled over onto her stomach, just laying there for a few moments before the tears welled up and her body shook soon with sobs that left tear stains on her pillow. Three years. Three years. Three fucking years. The one person she knew she could trust and thought she would be able to trust until she was dead. She racked her brain for cracks that would let what Minah was describing slip through. Had he been honest about why he didn’t want to correct people on them dating? Her brain went to that morning and how strange he had been about his phone, the new passwords, how jumpy he seemed. The thought made her sick to her stomach, and she felt the urge to vomit rise in her throat. She forced herself out of the bed and stumbled to the bathroom, the pitter-patter of Kkami’s paws behind her. When she got to the bathroom, she leaned over the toilet, letting it all out. She heaved as the cereal from that morning filled the bowl as the emptiness in her stomach grew. After the waves of sickness passed she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror, leaning against the counter. Her cheeks were covered in tears and snot smeared across her face. Vomit was in her hair; she hadn’t pulled it back beforehand, and she felt the rage grow. She screamed and fell to the floor in another wave of sobs. Nothing was real. Was Minah the first? Was he even single when they had started dating? Kkami rested his head on Hyunjins thigh, and Hyunjin sobbed even harder as she pulled the dog into her arms. Kkami started licking at Hyunjin’s face, and the woman pulled away.
“No kisses right now Kkami, I’m all gross. We don’t want you licking up vomit.” She said with a weak giggle.
She gave the dog one more hug before setting him down and getting in the shower. She cleaned up and let herself cry for a bit longer, her tears mixed with the stream of water until her eyes wouldn’t let anything else out.
After she got out of the shower she composed herself. She knew in the back of her mind Minah wasn’t lying, she accepted that. But a part of her needed to confirm it for herself. She needed to do some digging.
She got ready slowly, taking a bit of extra time as she slugged through her normal routine, staring at her reflection in the mirror a bit longer than normal. Her eyes dragged over herself, mind swirling with doubt. Scrutinizing every last inch of her skin, hair, face, body. Scouring for imperfections to blame. The pictures of Minah’s face burned in the back of her eyes when she blinked. What did she have that Hyunjin didn’t?
Another wave of nausea crashed over her as she kneeled down to the floor with her arms on the counter, pressing her eyes into the crook of her elbow until she saw rainbow dots all over her vision. She looked up again, into the mirror at herself with her wet hair falling into her face in stringy clumps. She groaned, frustration building in her gut, and let herself fall onto the cool tile, letting herself be grounded by the feeling. She stared at the ceiling as her head swam, all the emotions she was feeling canceling out to a feeling of numbness. She needed to see for herself. Needed stone cold proof before she killed it in cold blood.
But she couldn’t be like this when he got home. If she didn’t snap out of it before he got home, she would be a blubbering mess, and it would kill her even more to just be fed more and more lies of love and reassurance.
She finally pulled herself up and finished getting herself together. She needed to pretend, at least for just today.
She dried her hair and put makeup on to hide her blotchy tear-stained face, composed herself one last time, and left the bathroom. She checked the time on her phone, he would be home in two hours. She walked into the bedroom, looking for Kkami but her eyes fell on her guitar. That’s when a piece clipped into place in her head, what she needed right now was to write. Needed the outlet. She walked over to the stand and picked it up, bringing it over to the bed, laying it down and grabbing her journal out of her nightstand before getting comfortable. She plucked out a few notes trying to come up with something amongst the chaos in her head. A few words came to her that she wrote down but they weren’t turning into anything right then.
She looked at the scrawl on her page. Oh, so you do have a type? And it’s not me. Oh, so you can reply? Just to not me.
She spent the next hour working through lyrics, making the building blocks of something but she knew she was missing parts. She furrowed her brow and strummed the chords again on the guitar, trying to make it work. But the more she swelled on it the less mad she was at Minah, well she never really was mad at her in the first place. More so jealous if she thought about it. Jealous that she was what he wanted. She stared at the words for a bit longer before flipping the page and starting again. A different story. Her pencil flowed this time, it was anger coming out. Anger at Jisung, anger at the situation. She had never had the need to feel jealous before when it came to him. But the green-eyed monster had dug its way through and was on a rampage.
She’s everything that I don’t have, and she’s all I want to be. All I want to be so bad.
When she put down the pencil, her heart was thumping and her hand was cramping. She shook it out as she read over the words again, fixing a few things here and there. She picked up the pencil again and was about to replace a word or two here and there when she heard the sound of the door unlocking. She jumped up, flipping through the notebook to one of the songs she had intended to work on today from a few days ago. It was a sappy song, and looking at the lyrics made her stomach twist. But she took a deep breath and sat down on the bed with her guitar and pretended like she had been working on chords for this song. She held onto the neck of her guitar like a lifeline.
“Jagiya! I’m home!” Jisung called from the front room, and Hyunjin grimaced. She heard his footsteps grow closer until the door opened and his face was in the doorway, splitting her in two. One half of her melted because it was ridiculous, how could Jisung ever cheat on her? And the other half wanted to start screaming at him. She settled on smiling her best smile at him as he walked over, planting a kiss on her mouth, brushing a hand through her hair. Hyunjin felt nauseous as his lips pressed against hers, but she didn’t resist. She hesitantly moved the guitar to the side as he sat down next to her, nipping her lip softly before pulling away and kissing her cheek. “How was your day? I see you’re writing,” Jisung said, leaning over to the book where the dummy song was laid out. She hoped with every inch of her being that he wouldn’t flip through the notebook to see the angry words at the back.
“Yeah, just that,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. Jisung read them over and grinned, leaning over to give her another languid kiss. She felt tears prickle in the back of her eyes, but forced them down. When she pulled back, Jisung stood up, his phone still on the bed. Hyunjin leaned back on her hand casually, leaning on the phone so he wouldn’t grab it, but also not trying to make it so obvious.
“I’m going to go take a shower, okay? I’ll be out in half an hour.”
Hyunjin nodded, trying to hide her triumph. It was like the universe was giving her an opening. Jisung grabbed a pair of sweats and a T-shirt before going into the bathroom. Hyunjin waited until she heard the water running before unlocking his phone with the password she had seen him put in that morning. She had committed it to memory almost immediately when she felt like it was strange. She scrolled through his social media, going for his DMs. She stopped for a second. Did she really want to do this? She could live in blissful ignorance and continue on. But no, the other side of her said. It wouldn’t be blissful. Just look at how you reacted when he kissed you. She had to do this.
She opened the DMs, and sure enough, near the top of the list was Minah’s username. Her stomach fell into a pit as she scrolled through the messages, all the flirting, kissy emojis, selfies, and teasing. He even called her the same nickname as he did Hyunjin. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks as she scrolled further and further back. Going back to the most recent message, two days ago. Hyunjin and Jisung had gone out shopping for a gift for Hyunjin’s mom’s birthday. But at the same time, he had been telling Minah how much he missed her. He had been on his phone on and off throughout the trip, and as the realizations clicked together, she wanted to die. She exited his messages with Minah and looked to see if there was anyone else. She didn’t see anything else, thankfully. That was the only semblance of reassurance she got, even if it wasn’t much. As she sat there, staring at the blue bubbles, she heard the shower turn off. She sighed again, closing out of Instagram and messages before turning off his phone and wiping the tears away. She put her guitar next to her bed and laid down, facing away from the door. She didn’t want to talk to him right now. She closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She heard him leave the bathroom and walk back to the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway.
“Jagiya? Are you asleep? Okay, I’ll make dinner, sleep well.” He grabbed his phone from the foot of the bed and left her alone. What he couldn’t see were the tear tracks on her face as he closed the door and left her in the dark.
Anger still thrummed through her body, but she lay there, not wanting to lash out. An idea came to her, though. It was an idea that made a smirk cross her face. A spark of vindication lit in her chest. If he was going to do this to her, he deserved to be messed with. She wasn’t going to stoop to his level, but she didn’t want to give him sympathy.
She closed her eyes, trying to actually sleep for a little while. She would confront him about it tomorrow. She just had to pretend for a little longer.
==❣️==
The next morning, they went through their routine, dancing around each other in the kitchen. Hyunjin faked a smile through out the morning, and so what if she “accidentally” put his toast in for too long? She watched with a boulder in her stomach as he chewed without a care in the world, she wanted to rip the piece of toast out of his hand and shove it into his face, scream at him, question him on it and call him out. But she didn’t. She kept her composure because she wanted to at least have fun with this. Their breakfast was quiet, and Jisung left for work, kissing her goodbye. The door closed behind him and Hyunjin sat at the table alone. It hit her that that was probably the last meal they would have together. She let that thought sink in, all those years of living together and how much love they filled the house with. By tomorrow it would be gone. She let that thought sit for a while. She let it sit while she kept herslef busy doing things like cleaning the apartment, taking Kkami for a walk, even while she went down her aprtment complex's gym. Sooner than later she found herself at the piano, letting the keys fall underneath her fingers as she wrote out a melody.
The door was unlocked, the TV was on. The foundation's here, but the magic is gone. I let you in, then you let it all decay. The lights are burnt out, the flowers are dead. Somehow I'm still supposed to sleep in this bed. Gave you a key, but I couldn't make you stay.
She lost herself in the piano, letting herself grieve the relationship. She looked around at the space that was so full of them and wondered how it would ever be the same again.
Love is like, a house of fragile things, where hearts can be broken as easy as antiques. And now there’s glass all shattered at my feet. What we built togehter, you left in smithereens.
Before she knew it, two o’clock rolled around, and she had calmed down a lot more.
She pulled out her phone and sent a message to Minah.
@Hynjinieeee
>On the topic of needing something
>How long would it take you to get to [ADDRESS]
@Lee_MinAHHHHH
>???
@Hynjinieeee
>If Jisung wants to see you so badly, he should be delighted to see you in our living room
when he gets home :)
@Lee_MinAHHHHH
> you’re evil and I love it, yes I’ll be over in 30
Half an hour later ,Hyunjin opens the door to see Minah standing on the other side, two cups of coffee in her hands. She was dressed in a sweater and jeans, and her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. “I googled your coffee order,” Minah said with a smile that was slightly unnerving but seemed to oddly fit her. She didn’t think too hard about it and accepted the drink. She took a sip. Huh, it was right.
Hyunjin led Minah into the living room, where Kkami walked over and looked up at the woman for a greeting. Minah laughed and reached down to give the dog a few pets before he jumped up into Hyunjin's lap quickly, but he let out a short bark at the new girl. “Kkami, be nice!” Hyunjin scolded, but still petted the dog on his back.
“It’s fine, he probably just smells my cats on me.” Minah said. scratching the dogs back.
The two hours went by relatively quickly. Minah apparently really enjoyed Hyunjin’s music and had used it for choreographies a few times before. Hyunjin really liked the woman. She was witty, even if her words were a bit blunt sometimes, and her humor was a bit dark, but it didn’t come off as rude at all. Hyunjin wished they could have met under different circumstances.
Before they knew it they heard the door unlock and they looked at eachother. Hyunjin felt a strange mix of fear and excitement bubble up her throat. She wanted some answers from Jisung.
“Jagiya!! I’m home!” Jisung said and Hyunjin felt Minah give her arm a short squeeze. She heard his footsteps get louder and louder until they stopped. She looked up to see Jisung standing in the doorway like he had just seen a ghost. His eyes flashed with a thousand emotions before he realized he had been caught. “Jin, Minah noona,” he said, looking between the two women.
“Hello,” Minah said, and gave him a small wave and a smile that could come across as polite, but right now could make your blood run cold.
“She sent me a DM yesterday on Insta, I asked her if she wanted to surprise you since you seem to be such good friends!” Hyunjin said, and Jisung looked like he wanted to vomit. His face was pale, and it gave her a small feeling of satisfaction. His face matched hers when she found out.
“J-Jin-.” He stammered. But she didn’t let him finish.
“Sit down!” Hyunjin said, motioning for Jisung to sit next to her. She put on a big fake smile and turned to him, swirling her coffee like it was a normal day.
“How did you two meet again? I can’t remember…” Hyunjin said.
“You know, just mutual friends…” Jisung said, with zero confidence in his voice. Hyunjin scowled. He was still lying, even when he knew he’d been caught.
“I went through your phone yesterday while you were in the shower. I saw the messages.” Hyunjin said blankly.
“You wen- what?!” Jisung sputtered, sounding angry, caught even more off guard. “You went behind my back and invaded my privacy?”
“YOU WENT BEHIND MY BACK AND CHEATED ON ME!” Hyunjin screamed at him, standing up. “When you think your partner of three fucking years is cheating on you, privacy really isn’t your most pressing issue!” She couldn’t even read his face, which made her even madder. “What the hell?” She said, lowering her volume. “Three whole years of nothing?! How long have you been doing this for?”
‘They weren’t for nothing, bab- Hyunjin, I love you and I always have,” Jisung stutters. “And no, Minah noona was the first.” He looks over at her, and something softens the tiniest amount in his face. Minah scowls at him, and Hyunjin wants to punch him in the face.
“You don’t cheat on people you love, Jisung! You don’t do that! Just-, just get out. I’ll get your stuff together, and I’ll tell you when you can pick it up. Actually, no. I don’t want you anywhere near here. I’ll drop it off at your parents. Just get the fuck out of my house.” Hyunjin said, voice dripping with rage. She didn’t want to argue with him anymore. The sadness had been overtaken by anger, and all she knew was she wanted him out of her sight.
“You’re kicking me out? Where do you expect me to go?!” Jisung asked, looking shocked. As if the thought that she wouldn’t want him here had never crossed his mind in the last ten minutes.
“I really don’t care. Go sleep on your mom’s couch and explain to her why I kicked you out. I own the apartment, and if you aren’t out in five minutes, I’m calling the cops.”
Jisung sat there flustered before making eye contact with Hyunjin again. She matched his gaze with a stone-cold stare of anger. He relented and got up, and they could hear shuffling as he grabbed a few things and a few minutes later they heard the door shutting as Jisung left. Tension hung in the air after his departure. Hyunjin let herself slump in her seat. That was exhausting. Almost immediately, a feeling of emptiness filled her over the fact that he was gone. Gone gone. Like for real, officially, never to set foot in the apartment ever again. She felt Minah wrap an arm around her shoulder, and she let herself fall into the older girl’s embrace. She held her as she cried again. She felt like she had been crying so much over the last two days, she was shocked she could cry anymore.
“It’s okay to be upset,” Minah said, rubbing circles into her back. “Cry all you need to.”
The two girls sat there on the couch in silence, Minah continuing to console her and Hyunjin let herself cry for a bit longer until she wiped up her tears and pulled Minah into a real hug, arms around her shoulders.
“Thank you, unnie. I wish I could have met you differently.” She said with a wet laugh.
“Me too, Hyunjin ah.”