Chapter Text
Jimin has had enough.
He loves Taehyung, he really does, he’s his Bro For Life and he’d jump into the fire for him, but there’s only so much of his pining he can take. And the thing about Taehyung is that when he gets into something, or in this case into someone, he does it 100%, no looking back. Which is why Jimin was spending another Saturday evening watching Taehyung shove ice cream into his mouth, sprawled across their couch, wearing sweatpants and watching some silly romcom that Jimin has no patience for.
He tried to talk with him, make him understand that pining after Yoongi, the newest addition to their little circle of friends, was pointless. He wanted to explain that he should do something about his crush, ask him out on a date or do whatever; it was people normally would do in those situations, but Taehyung only mumbled something about Yoongi being way out of his league. It was clear as day that Yoongi liked him too. The way he kept staring at Taehyung whenever he wasn’t looking and laughed at every silly thing he said was enough of a clear indication of that. Still, Taehyung was deaf to Jimin’s words, and by that point Jimin knew that this whole mess couldn’t be resolved without a plan.
Jimin was great when it came to plans and this one might be his best one yet.
A few weeks back he had organized a crisis meeting with Hoseok, Jeongguk, Jin and Namjoon. Every single one of them was fed up with two of their friends dancing around their feelings, so they decided to finally do something about it. They bribed some random kid they met at the campus to hit on Taehyung. Surprisingly, the kid didn’t need much convincing, it took only 20 bucks and a platter of Jin’s homemade cookies for him to agree to their offer. Taehyung was slightly confused about the sudden attention, but being an extremely friendly and nice person, he couldn’t exactly tell him to get lost. Part one of the plan had worked perfectly and Jimin couldn’t wait to see how the second part would play out.
“Okay, enough of this,” he says, patting Taehyung’s knee. “Go change, everyone’s gonna be here soon.”
“What?” Taehyung looks up at him over the bucket of ice cream. “I didn’t know we were expecting anyone today.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to have to spend another weekend watching your dramatic ass cry over Yoongi-hyung. I have my limits too, you know.”
“You’re supposed to be my friend, man. You can forget about getting matching hoodies for your birthday,” Taehyung mumbles, but obediently gets up from the couch and with a sigh drags himself into his room. He comes back just in time to hear the doorbell announcing the arrival of their friends. Just a few greetings and hugs later everyone gathers in the living room, and Jimin doesn’t miss the way Yoongi chooses a seat right next to Taehyung, bless his stubborn, emotionally constipated heart. For a while they make small talk about their finals and their classmates, until Jimin clears his throat, signalling it was go time.
“So, Taehyung,” Jin says loudly. “I think you have some news to share with us?”
And Yoongi clearly has some kind of a Taehyung filter, because he stops chatting with Namjoon and turns his head to him at the sound of Taehyung’s name.
“What did he do now?” He mumbles in a gruff tone.
“He has a date, hyung,” Jeongguk blurts out before anyone has a chance to stop him. Well, so much for subtlety.
The whole room falls silent and the way Yoongi stops every tiny movement of his body, breathing included, was very unnerving.
“He has what now?” He finally asks.
“It’s not really… I mean, there’s this guy at the campus, he keeps bugging me to go out with him,” Taehyung mumbles, engaged in an intense staredown with the table.
“Oh?” Yoongi’s voice is calm. It’s so calm it reminded Jimin of a sea before a storm and he can already tell this was not going to end well.
“What’s he like?” Yoongi continues, watching Taehyung’s every move like a hawk.
“He’s… I don’t know, we didn’t really talk much. We met at a party and…” Taehyung winces. “I was probably a bit drunk… He called me cute and…”
“Cute?” Yoongi huffs heavily, his nostrils flaring. “Oh please, he could be so much more creative than that.”
Out of the corner of his eye Jimin can see the way Namjoon is looking at him with his eyebrows raised. Oh, this might just end up being fantastic after all.
“Yeah, tell us about him, Tae,” he says, not missing the way Yoongi squinted at him.
“Well, he’s… Tall?”
Yoongi rolls his eyes so hard Jimin is surprised they don’t fall out of their sockets.
“Like that’s important. It’s scientifically proven that shorter guys are better in bed.”
“Is it?” Jimin turns to look at him with interest, forgetting about their plan for a second, but Yoongi only waves his hand, his eyes never leaving Taehyung’s face.
“Um, he… He said I have pretty eyes?” Taehyung offers weakly.
“Pfft, your eyes are more than just pretty. They’re beautiful, they’re mesmerizing. They make people feel as if they’re home; safe, loved, cherished, and…”
“Hyung,” Hoseok pipes up, a sly grin on his lips, “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
The way Yoongi and Taehyung simultaneously turn bright red is nothing short of cute. Taehyung looks slightly terrified, chewing on his bottom lip, while Yoongi coughs a few times, rubbing his knees nervously.
“I just… Taehyung deserves someone more creative…”
“Like you?” Jin interrupts him. “You are a music major after all, it doesn’t get much more creative than that.”
“I mean, Taehyung’s… He’s handsome and his personality is… Well, it’s really cute and he has a good heart, so he shouldn’t date some dudebro just because he keeps bugging him,” Yoongi manages to choke out, his blush getting worse with each word.
“Oh really? Then maybe he should date someone who’s short, creative, and can go all Romeo and Juliet about his eyes on the spot?”
“I, um… Yeah, if he’d like that,” Yoongi’s voice is close to a whisper.
Taehyung slowly turns to him, even though Yoongi does everything he can to avoid making eye contact.
“Hyung, you… Would you like to go out with me?” he asks in a soft voice, gently placing his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. The noise Yoongi makes in the back of his throat makes him sound like a dying whale, but he shortly nods his head, finally gathering enough courage to actually look up at Taehyung. It’s so cute and disgusting, Jimin can’t help but smile.
“Okay, kids, great job, time to hit the showers,” Jin clasps his hands together, jumping off his chair. “That’s our cue, let’s go.”
Suddenly they all get up, leaving Taehyung and Yoongi alone in the living room, stumbling over each other to get to the front door. They’re already out in the hallway when Jimin stops, turns around and yells:
“The condoms are in the bathroom, don’t have sex on the couch or I’m gonna kick you out!”
“Seriously, forget the matching hoodies!” comes Taehyung’s answer and Jimin grins before slamming the door shut.