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Jeremy thumped his pint glass on the table and sighed in exasperation.
"Come on Hammond, out with it. You've been like a bear with a sore arse ever since we watched the playback this afternoon." He looked over at Richard, who was sulkily toying with a beer mat.
"I believe the expression is sore head, Jeremy."
"Stop avoiding the issue. You've been really snippy with James, you know." Jeremy sat back and folded his arms. "So while he's getting a round in, tell me what the fuck it is he's done to upset you."
Richard squirmed on his stool. "He's not upset me, as such. But – did – did you hear what he said about David Tennant when we were watching the driving playback?"
"What, the Star in a Car segment?" Jeremy applied some thought to the question. "I heard him say he wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating biscuits. Which, considering Captain Slow's OCD tendencies, is a hell of a statement."
"Well, there you go. I don't think he should be saying things like that in front of us." The beer mat was now being ripped into shreds, Richard's pouty face refusing to look up and meet Jeremy's wide-eyed stare.
"What? That's it?! Do you have any idea how ludicrous you sound, Hamster? It's hardly a surprise to any of us that James likes to sit on the other side of the church, so why get upset about it now?"
"I'm not – upset. Just feel a bit funny about it, that's all."
"Really. And there's no other reason you can think of for your sulky teenage strop, then?"
There was something in the tone of Jeremy's voice that made Richard look up at last, his gaze finding a smirk of amusement on the other man's face.
"Look, let's just drop it. He's coming back now anyway. I'll have this drink and then I'll go home."
"Ah come on, Hammond! We've only just got here."
"I'm not in the mood Jez, alright?" He threw down the remains of the tattered beer mat as James placed three pints on the table.
"Bloody hell Richard, what's up with you?" James sat down, patting his hand on the younger man's shoulder in what he hoped was a jovial manner. Shrugging off the gesture, Richard rose to his feet.
"I'm going home. It's been a long day." With that, he walked away from his friends.
"What the hell's got into him? Jeremy, did you say something to him?" James shot an accusatory look across the table.
"May I suggest, James, that you go and ask him yourself? I'm appalled that you think I would ever say something to upset him."
"And of course, you have to be joking. Fine. Leave me to sort out your mess once again. Back in a minute."
As Jeremy watched his friend exit the pub, he smiled broadly and shook his head in amused disbelief. Honestly, they were both as oblivious as each other. If either of them came back into the pub tonight, he'd eat his own hair.
******************************
"Hammond! Just stop for a moment, will you?!"
Stopping in his tracks, Richard threw his head back and sighed. Hands in pockets, he swung around to face his pursuer.
"What?"
"What's Jez said to upset you, mate? I don't like seeing you in this kind of mood." James slowed to a halt in front of his friend. Although dark outside, Richard could still see the concerned look on James' face, and the genuine affection in his eyes was enough to make Richard's petulant facade crumble. Dropping his head and scuffling at the ground with his foot, he shrugged his shoulders.
"Dunno really, mate. Just feeling a bit out of sorts, s'all."
"Do you have any idea how endearing you look when you do that?"
Richard's head snapped up and he glared at James. "Don't take the piss out of me, not now. You've already-" He stopped abruptly.
"It's me that's upset you? What have I said?" James was barely able to hear the mumbling, but made out the words 'Tennant' and 'biscuits'.
"Ah. I see our problem. Right. Can we at least get in the car to talk about this? It would be warmer, for a start."
Richard nodded and approached the car door. As he pressed the button to unlock it, he jumped slightly as he felt James' breath on the back of his neck. A soft voice said, "And for the record, I wasn't taking the piss."
A small dart shot down his spine as he looked over his shoulder, but James had already moved around to the other side of the car and was getting into the passenger seat. Richard tried to shake off the sudden trembling in his legs as he opened the door and got in.
"Ok. Let's get this out in the open. You have a problem with me saying I fancy David Tennant. May I ask why?"
Fumbling with his car keys and looking into his lap, Richard shrugged once again as he spoke. "I don't know. It just made me feel – feel..."
"Angry?"
"No!"
"Offended?"
"No!"
"Morally outraged?"
"No!"
"Jealous?"
There was a significant pause as Richard's brain tried the word out for size.
"Um. No?"
"Look at me, Richard." James' voice was soft, and low, and thick like honey. Richard tried to raise his eyes to meet his friend's gaze, but couldn't quite get there. He felt a hand gently touch his chin and lift up his head.
"I said, look at me. Are you jealous?"
Richard's stomach felt this was an appropriate time to emulate a washing machine.
"I think I am." His voice sounded a lot squeakier than he remembered it.
James started to chuckle and he dropped his hand from Richard's face, covering the younger man's hands with it. "Oh, Hamster. You have no idea, do you?"
Richard drew back his hands and folded his arms across his chest with an air of sulky defiance. "I don't see why that's so funny."
"I'm not laughing at you, Rich, please believe me.” James squeezed Richard's thigh. “But just think about this. Has anyone ever told you that you resemble – albeit slightly – another celebrity?"
Had they? Well, a few times he'd been told he looked a bit like Doctor Who. Someone had once shouted, “Where's your TARDIS?” - oh. Oh, hang on...
James would swear afterwards he actually heard the moment the penny dropped for Richard. He couldn't help but grin as he saw those luscious chocolate-brown eyes grow wide as saucers.
"And there we have it. Richard, I only fancy him because he looks a bit like you. Which means, of course that I find you infinitely more attractive, and thus much more shaggable. I just told myself that you were off limits, as you're a mate – and I also assumed that you would never think of me in the same way. But now I find that you're jealous, I'm beginning to wonder something."
Richard hardly heard himself speak over the sound of his heart, which seemed to be making a concerted effort to launch forth from his chest. "What's that, then?"
James leaned in just a little bit closer. "I was wondering whether you would let me kiss you."
"Eep."
"I'll take that as a yes", and before he knew it, Richard felt a pair of soft lips gently cover his. It was a very tender, very tentative first kiss. James broke away from Richard, licking his own lips, a slight hitch in his breathing.
"How was that?"
"Ngh."
"Really? Maybe I should do it again, in that case. Just to be sure, you understand."
Their lips met once more, exploring; James softly lapping at Richard's mouth with his tongue. Parting his lips in response, Richard sucked hungrily on the very tip of James' tongue, urging him on. Their kiss became more insistent, more frantic as hands started to touch and stroke, each of them becoming more aroused. Pulling apart to catch their breath, they looked at each other.
Richard thought he had never seen anything so seductive as the wanton look on James' face at that moment. Looking down at his friend's lap, he was impressed by the noticeable bulge in the front of James' trousers.
"I do believe you have one of those to match, Richard." Reaching over, James rubbed the heel of his hand across the tented material, eyes sparking as he watched Richard throw back his head and moan with pleasure. "Should I take this to mean you enjoyed me kissing you?"
"Aah – yes. You're very – oh – good at it – and – aaaah – that, too."
"I can always stop, if you would prefer."
"Don't even think about it! - oooh."
James couldn't help but laugh. "I do hope you know I'm the quiet one your Mother always warned you about." Richard noticed the sudden absence of James from his body, and pouted as he looked over.
"Keep looking at me like that, Hammond, and I will be forced to show you all the things I've dreamt of doing to you. When I say you look endearing when you pout, I also mean you make me so hard I can't walk straight. As you can clearly see."
"But you stopped. I told you not to."
James ran a hand through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts. "I just need you to understand the road we're travelling down right now. This isn't a game for me, Richard. If it was I'd have got you drunk and fucked you into the middle of next week long before this."
"You utter tart!" Richard squirmed in his seat at the thought, his erection rubbing against the inside of his trousers. James grinned wickedly as he noticed the effect he was having.
"Of course, you must understand that fucking you is still high on the list of my priorities. But I'm not going to force you into doing something you'll regret afterwards; that you're only doing because you're caught up in this moment. Do you really want this? Do you really want me?"
"Hmm. Having a little trouble thinking straight right now, James. All I know is when I heard you talk about fancying someone else, I was upset that you weren't talking about me. All I know is when you kissed me, I wanted to kiss you back. And all I know right now is when you talk about fucking me, it makes me want to come in my trousers. The thought of not feeling you pushing your cock into me on many separate occasions is displeasing to me." He heard a low moan escape from James, who was by now also shifting in his seat and tracing a hand over his own erection.
"I do hope you know, James, that I'm the nice one your Mother thought she didn't need to warn you about. So what now?"
"I would suggest we find somewhere more comfortable to continue this – discussion. My place, I think. And try not to crash the car on the way."
"Oi!" Richard started the motor, pouting again as he put the car in gear and started to move.
"I've warned you about that pout, Hammond. It's going to get you in some serious trouble once we get home."
"I was rather hoping that would be the case."