Archive of Our Own

near found himself stood in front of mellos door, it was closed and he could very faintly hear the sound of rummaging on the other side. what was he doing here exactly? he wasn't so sure himself.. one moment he was piecing together a puzzle before mello had stormed out of roger's office, and now he was here. he stood there debating just walking away and keeping what he wanted to say inside of him, he could easily do that, but who knows when they'd see each other again.. if they do, that is. it'd be best to talk to him now, if mello will allow him to. he quietly exhaled through his nose before gently and quietly knocking against the big, wooden door, so gently that mello had failed to hear it over the sound of his own angry and frustrated breathing whilst he cleaned out his room.

he was angrily shoving things into a duffle bag as his mind had an internal war with itself and the people around him, specifically near. what makes roger think they would willingly work together? it's not like near would need his help anyway.. he's smart enough to be ahead of him here. so he'll just have to make it ahead of him out there, on his own. he'll make him see that he is the one who deserves to be L's successor. he'll show him that he can solve this case himself. he will avenge L and he'll be the one to execute kira.

near awkwardly stood on the other side of the door. he's never been at his room like this before.. should he knock again? it was the polite thing to do. but he doesn't exactly care for being polite.. not right now. he turned the doorknob, a loud creak echoing throughout the hall as it opened. "mello?"

mellos breath stopped for a second, he knows that voice... that painfully familiar monotone voice. he doesn't have time for this, and definitely not for him. he turned to look at the door, instantly met by near peeping at him through the crack. he angrily walked towards his direction and swung the door open with unwarranted force—greeted by his big, blank eyes, his expression unphased.

"what do you want, near?" he asked, glaring at him as if he was trying to cut through glass. he could never read his blank expression even when he tried, though they've 'known' each other their whole lives he still remained a mystery. he's always off in his own world, spending his time with puzzles and toys instead of other people. the only person he often interacted with, was mello. sometimes the other kids when they would congratulate and or praise him for how well he did on his work.. but even then, he never said much to them.

mello was the complete opposite of him, personality wise. he was always messing around with the other kids, not always in a friendly manner. he liked being outside, he liked being in the grass and in the sun. near was never outside, that's the part he liked most. whenever they were in the same room he'd sometimes catch near glancing in his direction. that's one of the many reasons he doesn't like being in the same room as him.

"excuse the sudden visit, I suppose I could've just left you alone when you didn't answer the door.." he slowly peeked behind mello, taking in the sight of his half empty room. it saddened something deep inside him.. but his expression appeared indifferent as he returned his eyes to mello. "so, you're really thinking about living on your own?"

mello squinted his eyes at him, refusing to answer his question and instead, stomped over to his bed and continued throwing his very few personal belongings into a duffle bag. there wasn't much worth keeping besides a handful of shirts. he didn't understand why near was in his room. he doesn't get it, he doesn't get him.

the room was quiet, other than the sound of mello forcefully shoving things into his bag.

near stood in the doorway, carefully watching him pace back and forth. he was unsure if he should've left him alone at this point. to be fair, he left the door open instead of slamming it in his face which he was fully expecting him to do. he took that as an silent invitation to just watch. mello was impulsive, so it would not take him by surprise if he actually left. where would he go? does he even have a plan? though, he knows he's responsible enough to take care of himself. he'll come around eventually, then they can work together to catch kira. he could do one half, and mello could do the other. they would pair quite well like that.. perfectly, even. maybe they could even surpass L, he's certain that mello will realize that eventually.. maybe not right now, but he will.

he twirled a strand of hair around his fingertip. "mello." his voice was gentle—cutting through the thick and awkward atmosphere.

mello purposely ignored him and slowly bent down to the floor to look under his bed, aimlessly checking if he had left anything under there. though it was just a way to ignore near and hopefully make him leave. he had to think of what to do once he's out there, how he's going to piece his plan perfectly together without a minor mistake.

near failed to get the hint that mello wanted him to leave and instead, stepped in and gently pushed the door until it clicked closed. mello was too 'busy' to hear it.

once he had gotten done 'searching' and stood up, near was right infront of him—making him startle back. he clenched his jaw as being this close in his personal space only made him more frustrated. can't near just leave him alone like he usually does? "what do you think your doing?!" it was an empty question that wouldn't get a real answer. near just looked at him. was he trying to set him up? or was he doing this because roger told him to? he knows he can't bear to work with him, in that case he'd just stay behind him forever. he grinded his teeth together, but kept quiet, surprisingly. too many words were clawing at his throat. he knew that near had to be there for a reason, he just couldn't figure out what that reason could be.. it progressively started to eat at him. it shouldn't bother him so much. he let out a frustrated huff before turning around and roughly zipping the duffle bag closed; throwing it over his shoulder and stomping towards the door to leave, shoving near in the process. he stood infront of the door and reached his hand out to turn the doorknob.

"mello."

again, that disgustingly gentle tone.. though this time, it almost sounded sad—but that's impossible. near doesn't feel sad. against his will, his hand had froze. he clenched his jaw as he cursed at himself. just a doorknob turn and not even a look back and he'd be out of this place. but his body had froze. he slowly curled his fingers into a fist, upset over how much power near can hold over him sometimes. he doesn't like admitting it. he stood there completely still for about 2 minutes before slowly and hesitantly beginning to turn around. he couldn't help it, it was almost on instinct.. but that's something he would never admit to himself. "..what?" his voice came out soft, softer than he intended it to. he reluctantly tore his eyes off the wooden floor and glanced at near, who was looking down at the ground; twirling his hair. his mouth slightly opened like he was about to say something before he slowly shut it again. mello scoffed at this. "either spit it out or don't, I don't care. you're not going to stop me from leaving, if that's what your doing."

"that's not what I'm doing." near replied quietly, almost like a whisper. he opened his mouth to speak again but it appeared that he was hesitating. his failed attempts at words only coming out as, "um".

mello could've been gone from this place by now, standing in that room longer than he should be was chipping at his own sanity. why was he still even listening to him?

"I've been thinking about what you said earlier... you said that you're emotional, you react and say things on impulse. whereas I, never act on my emotions. I think about my next move thoroughly..-"

before near could finish, mello cut him off with a loud, annoyed sigh. "what is your point, near?"

near visibly swallowed, twirling a particularly long strand of hair around his whole finger and subtly pulling at it. he kept his eyes glued to the floor, avoiding any and all eye contact. "mello, me being here is a result of me acting on my own emotions.. my body reacting before my brain could. our minds and the way they work and how they make us act may be wildly different, but..

he pursed his lips.

I have found that I get along with you more than I get along with anybody else here.. I enjoy talking to you."

mello scowled at this. get along? does he really think them competing their whole lives is 'getting along'? he's here as a result of his own emotions? he's just here to weigh him down. he glared at him. "you and me have never got along. in what instance did you think i was being friendly to you?"

near finally looked him in his eyes. "it's not about you being friendly towards me, nor did I say that you particularly got along with me. I know that you feel like we always have to be competing against each other, and I will admit I did play along with that..

he averted his gaze again.

but after all these years of you desperately trying to be better than me I've came to the realization, maybe we could've been working with each other instead of against each other." he glanced back at mello. "it's what L would've wanted."

mello was pissed. especially with him bringing L into the conversation after just hearing about his passing. near never even spoke to L, how could he know what he wanted?

a loud thud of the duffle bag hitting the floor coupled with mellos furious and heavy footsteps across the wooden tiles echoed throughout the small and empty room. if he had been using the intelligent part of his brain he wouldn't have continued to listen to near. he would've slammed the door in his face as soon as he heard his voice. maybe cussed and pushed him out of his room. his emotions always get the better of him, it's just how he is.

".. I hate you. I hate you so much, and suddenly you're acting like you care about me. i know that you don't care, so don't feel obligated to act like you do."

near stared at him completely dumbfounded. he didn't even look scared. he just blankly stared at him for a minute before finally opening his mouth to speak again. ".. i do care, mello. why would I act like I do if I didn't?" his voice got quiet again.

mellos fists were curled up on both of nears shoulders, squeezing the soft, white fabric between his fingers. the grip he had on him was nowhere close to affectionate, his fingernails could've dug through the fabric if they were long enough. enough to make his skin bleed through the white. he could've thrown him onto the floor if he wanted to, he knew that near wouldn't even put up a fight if he did.

mello almost looked on the verge of tears as he clenched his jaw. the need to cry wasn't out of sadness, but a blur of several different emotions. his head was starting to ache with how difficult nears words felt going down. like a hard pill to swallow; getting stuck midway through his throat. his eyes burned as tears threatened to well up in the corners, a complicated feeling festering in his stomach and chest. everything near had just said was like everything he ever wanted to hear. he believed that near was completely devoid of emotion, is that why his words almost felt relieving? he wanted to say something but he just.. couldn't. he was physically unable to get the words out. he tightened his grip on his shoulders, it must've started to hurt because near had quietly grunted, but it was barely audible. before his brain could comprehend what exactly he was doing, he roughly and awkwardly pressed his lips against nears. kissing was anything but the right move in this situation.. maybe it was an action of something deeper, or maybe it was just heat of the moment for him. either way, the room fell deathly silent.

the sudden kiss had made near freeze up, leaving his eyes wide open. the feeling of mellos lips against his immediately felt like snakes were intruding his stomach and biting at his intestines, poisoning him.. he didn't know how to process it. why was mello kissing him? did this mean something? before he could properly process anything, mello had pulled his lips away.

the kiss was short and unsatisfying. that shouldn't have even been called a kiss, he was just forcefully pressing their lips together and near didn't even reciprocate it, mello expected as much.

to be fair, he didn't know what exactly was happening.. for the first time ever, his brain went quiet which resulted in his body completely shutting down. the forceful grip on his shoulders hurt and mellos lips were tough against his own, he could hear and feel his heavy yet staggered breathing against his upper lip. all his senses were stimulated and it just happened so fast. before he knew it mello had shoved him away and stomped over to the abandoned bag on the floor.

"..you better leave." he spoke with his back turned to him. he couldn't stand to look at him after that. he's shoved and pushed near and when his emotions became too much but he's never kissed him. he's never done anything weird like that.. they weren't supposed to be kissing. it was nears fault for saying stupid stuff like that. but, why exactly DID he kiss him? why was his first instinct to kiss him after he said all that? this wouldn't have happened if he just left him alone.

nears bottom lip quivered as he battled between allowing mello to leave without another word to each other or, something... just something else. something good to leave off on.. at least just a talk, but he knew well enough by now that he would never be able to do that with mello, and this situation was clear evidence. maybe the action of physical intimacy will show him how much he truly cares about him, maybe it'll say all the things near can't. to be vulnerable like that with another person should say enough, especially for a person like near. "mello.. wait-" his voice cracked as he suddenly spoke out. his feet dragged against the wooden floor as he slowly began to follow behind him, his hand hesitantly reaching out and tugging him by his sleeve, hard enough to make him stop in his tracks. it was reminiscent of a small child getting choked up; not wanting to say goodbye to a loved one. the words he wanted to say suddenly got stuck in his throat as his eyes met mellos, immediately feeling too scared and hesitant to speak. scared that mello would just glare at him and leave without another word. so instead of using his words, he just looked at him.

mello stared at him over his shoulder, the expression he displayed wasn't a glare or a look of 'get out' it was just.. mildly confused. he didn't know what near wanted, he's never acted like this before. he felt him tug at his sleeve harder, signaling for him to turn around and face him. this was the most silent and compliant that mello has ever been, no yelling, no pushing him away, nothing. he felt confused but.. curious. near has never been good with words, mello knows that.

right now, all near knew is that the kiss made him feel weird. not a bad kind of weird but almost.. an enjoyable kind of weird. he didn't quite understand it. it was so short and sudden that he couldn't pinpoint how it made him feel exactly. he needed to understand why it had made him feel that way, it was like a piece to a puzzle that had always been missing.. and he felt the nagging need to complete it. to finally feel satisfied with what he was looking at.

mello noticed that near was visibly blushing now. his skin is always so extremely pale that the slightest color was easy to catch. it was the lightest shade of pink but still somewhat visible if you looked hard enough. he had let go of his sleeve, twirling a strand of hair around his fingertip instead. he looked embarrassed. it was an expression that has never once appeared on his face.. it almost looked unnatural. did he have another stupid thing to say? "..what?" mellos throat burned as he finally spoke up. it looked like it even startled near for a second. "what do you want from me?"

near shyly looked down at the floor. "can you.. well, can we kiss again?" he grimaced as the words left his mouth in barely a mumble, leaving his tongue feeling dry.

.. mello instantly felt his cheeks heat up over the request. he opened his mouth like he was going to protest, but then he quickly closed it. he just scoffed at himself before slipping the duffel bag off of his shoulder and stepping a little closer to near, still keeping a small distance between them. he didn't put up a fight against doing this, surprisingly. he didn't even feel fully conscious of his actions. his hands slowly reached out to rest on nears shoulders, his touch softer than the last time. he definitely left bruises with how hard he was holding him a couple minutes ago.. near has always been so sensitive. he pursed his lips for a minute before shutting his eyes and awkwardly beginning to lean in. every second felt like an eternity; it was suffocating. he froze when he felt their noses touch, the warmth of nears breath brushing against his lips. he slowly peeked open his eyes to look at him, his eyes were closed and he appeared to be blushing more now, his breath was shaking too.. was he nervous? nervous over kissing him? well, to be fair, he's never really properly kissed someone before until now.. so it was understandable. the thought of being his first made his hands tremble. he didn't question or think any further before closing his eyes and tilting his head to the side, fully leaning in.

once their lips met near made a small noise, his shoulders slightly tensing underneath mellos hands. near already felt incredibly weak submitting so easily like this, and somehow their lips meeting just made him feel weaker. he ran a gentle, shaky hand towards the side of mellos neck, making him nearly freeze over the physical contact.

it was weird feeling near touch him affectionately.. or just touching him in general. near didn't care for physical attention nor did he care for initiating it. mello was the same, believe it or not. he didn't like people touching him no matter the context. a gentle touch to his shoulder would result in a shove. this scenario was different, wildly different. nears touch was sickeningly soothing... and warm. he hated it. he hated him so much. near shouldn't be the one that's making him feel this way.. then why does he feel like this? he quickly broke the kiss again, his chest feeling heavy. it was an ugly feeling. he slid his hands down and away from nears shoulders as he examined his face.

near looked at him with a shy yet dull expression as he slid his hand away from his neck. despite the lack of emotion on his face, he felt incredibly fuzzy inside. he still didn't quite understand why the kiss was making him feel this way, but he knew that it wasn't just because it was his first kiss.. it was the fact it was mello who was kissing him. he has always felt the need to be closer to him, emotionally and physically. he wanted mello to want to talk to him and be close to him. that's when it all fell down on him. was he.. romantically and physically attracted to mello? was this the missing piece all along? he sunk into himself. was this why he found himself stood at his door? why he has always felt naturally drawn towards him? why talking to him makes him feel so.. warm? even when mello would be yelling at him..? he felt his head spinning with this new realization. this changed his entire perspective on mello and his interactions with him.. but this was his chance to finally do something about those feelings. acting on emotion.. maybe they weren't so different. he flashed a smug smile before quickly wiping it off his face. he hesitated for a second before awkwardly grabbing mello by the sleeve again, looking at the ground in embarrassment then looking into his eyes. "wait- uhm.. I'm gonna kiss you again, ok?" he felt his whole body flush. what was he saying.. he never thought he'd hear those words escape from his own mouth. his stomach recoiled in embarrassment over it.. but he has more important things to focus on right now.

before mello could react or even say anything—near had pulled him into another open mouthed kiss. his fingers finding their way to the back of his neck, gently adding pressure against the skin. he could feel that near was kissing with force and.. might be a reach but, desperation? either way, he couldn't help but quietly stew in frustration over it.. and another emotion that he didn't want to acknowledge. it felt intoxicating. no. near holds no power over him. who does he think he is treating and touching him like this? he's never felt near be rough.. it's infuriating. whatever, two can play at that game.

mello glared at him, though near was unable to see it due to his eyes being squeezed shut. he moved his lips harder against his, exciting a small noise from near. he quickly took this as an opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. this was a silent competition between them, though it was heavily one sided. near didn't fight back or try to copy his movements or try to be rougher. was he scared? or was he just unfamiliar with this kind of attention? .. maybe both. it's not like he wasn't enjoying the kiss. mello knew this much because he wasn't pulling back or telling him to stop nor did his body language show any signs of uncomfortability. he was tense, sure. of course he was tense, he's never done something like this before. he began to awkwardly prod his tongue against nears, it felt so weird.. it was hot and wet, and near wasn't exactly going along with his movements which made it difficult.

near pulled his body and lips away, the both of them quietly panting. he cleared his throat and slid his hand away from his neck, slowly gazing up at him through his eyelashes. his cheeks were more flushed than before.. it kind of complimented his ghostly pale skin. he looked seductive. mello opened his mouth to say something but near quickly cut him off before he could even get the first word out.

"..did you enjoy that?"

mello instantly frowned at the question, of course he would ask something that would embarrass and humiliate him. he turned away and just let out an annoyed 'tch' instead of an actual reply. so stupid.. but was he enjoying it more than near was?

"I enjoyed it." near whispered as he twirled a strand of hair around his finger. he didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that he liked kissing mello, he thought it was obvious and didn't feel the need to hide it. even though he had tensed up and didn't exactly reciprocate the making out, the feeling of mellos tongue exploring his mouth felt undeniably good. weird and unfamiliar, but bearable.

mello looked down, clenching his jaw so hard that it felt like his teeth were going to crack. his fists balled up to the point his fingernails were digging into his palms. "shut up. stop saying things like that." he felt like an angry child.

near took notice of his angered expression, he was accustomed to it at this point. in all honesty, it was the only expression he ever saw on mello. the only time he looked relaxed was when he was eating chocolate, it sounds like a cheesy trait but near liked it. he liked how he looked when he was relaxed; when he was studying too. when he was just.. being. "I'm just speaking the truth, mello. if I hadn't enjoyed it I could've left by now.. you know this." he twirled the hair around his finger as he spoke, remaining unbothered by mellos angered state.

mello was just stood there, silently. just keeping his fists balled up till' his knuckles were white. he felt incredibly frustrated by nears words, yet.. aroused? he can't allow himself to feel this way towards NEAR. out of all people, why him? how can near just stand there completely unbothered? how is he not fuming with the same unfamiliar emotions that he's feeling? he enjoyed it.. he admitted to enjoying it. he has to be feeling the same way as he is. his body has to be burning and coiling with the same heat.. but he couldn't tell with how silent he was being.

near met his gaze before he immediately looked away, twirling his hair as he attempted to logically put his feelings together. he's attracted to mello, and the kiss felt, lack of better words - eletric? those aren't quite the right words, but it'll do. mellos lips against his felt right, even though he was being rough and the movements of his tongue were undeniably awkward.. it made his body feel uncomfortably hot. really, he doesn't understand why he even asked if mello himself enjoyed it, it was painfully obvious. he was making noises that he probably wasn't even aware of over the sound of his own blood pulsing.. or maybe just his own pride blocking them out. near suddenly felt his stomach flutter over the memory, though the noises he was making were barely audible he managed to catch them.. his body felt so warm against his too. he pulled at his hair and shyly looked down at the ground as his mind wandered on about how it felt being pushed so close together. the way it was making his body feel almost felt, gross... invasive. like tons of ants crawling all over his body.

mello caught the shy look that had suddenly appeared on nears face. suddenly, he didn't have to question what was on his mind. he had that same look of when he wanted them to kiss again—embarrassed and almost like he was trying to shrink himself.

suddenly, near audibly swallowed before beginning to speak. "mello, I've never not been in control of my emotions... but kissing you..- it's weird, and hard to explain. I thought I had a good grasp on not allowing them to get in the way of my logical thinking, but this moment with you appears to have proved me wrong."

...pride slowly began to creep in as he took in nears words, subsiding the anger he was feeling a second ago. he unclenched his fists, relaxing his tense figure. he made near lose control for once, for once.. for once he had the upper hand. for once near was below him. it felt really good to hear. was this even real? having him in a position like this? ".. i guess you enjoyed that kiss more than I thought." he replied in a smug tone, as if he wasn't feeling the exact same emotions during the kiss.

near could easily see through him and what he was attempting to do. he was more than aware that mello enjoyed it just as much as he did, but he spared humiliating him. "I suppose I did."

mello glared at how composed he can act, how he manages to keep himself together. he just had to remind himself that he held the upper hand here, that he did something to make his mind blank. he wanted to do it again. for just another minute, to feel above him. he wondered how far near would allow him to go... he eyed him up and down for a minute. without thinking, once again.. he found himself pressing his lips against his. he did it with such sudden force that near had stumbled backwards. he didn't waste a second before his tongue had returned into his mouth.. his lips were so soft compared to his own. it felt addictive.

nears eyes squeezed shut as he accepted the kiss, growing accustomed to the way it was making his body feel the more that they did it. he shakily trailed his hands up to mellos shoulders, his fingers sliding over the soft, black fabric. the simple contact nevertheless felt electrifying—a quiet moan escaping from the back of his throat as he began to move his tongue with his. he wasn't sure what exactly he was doing, but it felt good enough. his tongue was inexperienced and sloppy, not that mellos was any more experienced.

his breath grew heavy as he felt nears tongue alongside his. nears breath was hot and he was breathing it in, his tongue didn't put up much of a fight either. he kind of liked it, he liked how much near was exposing himself to him. how he was growing more and more comfortable the more that they kissed.

near caressed his shoulders as he curiously dove his tongue deeper into his mouth, the harder that mello moved his lips with his and the more his tongue desperately fought for any kind of dominance against his, the tighter his loose pajama pants felt. he felt unusually flushed yet focused. his senses were all focused on mello, every movement, noise, and smell sent blood pulsing towards the lower part of his body. he caressed his shoulders again—rougher this time. even the feeling of the fabric was intoxicating... not solely the fabric, no.. the fact his bare shoulders were under it. his mouth tasted of chocolate too, despite him eating it a couple of hours ago by now. he suddenly grew rapidly aware of the sound of his own heart racing and pounding so hard against his chest and in his ears. in a quick movement, his body violently jolted as mello instinctively pushed his body flush against his. he let out a whimper, tightly clenching onto the fabric of his shirt as the sudden friction of his erection rubbing up against mello racked his entire body.

mellos eyes widened as he felt it pushed up and twitch against his hip bone. near was aroused, he did this to him. he wanted to.. he needed to make him feel more. he needed him to fall apart. he pulled his lips away for a second just to look down at the tent that had formed in his pants, a wide grin immediately growing across his face. he couldn't believe that he made him feel so good that he managed to get him hard. the sight aroused him. he huffed before quickly returning his lips to nears, but to his dreadful surprise, near attempted to slip his tongue into his mouth first. he's sure grown confident fast.. so stupid. he's always trying to prove something.

out of annoyance and his desperate need to be better than him, he continued pushing his body harder against nears until he had eventually staggered backwards and on top of a bedside table that mello had next to his bed. mello quickly took this as an opportunity to thrust himself up against him—causing himself to nearly gasp into the kiss.

near froze as he felt mellos erection pushed up against his own.. he was so warm there. the heat was radiating off his crotch.

they were both in the same state of shock that they had stopped violating each others mouths for a second. both looking into each other's eyes nervously; causing mello to get flustered. it was comforting, in a weird way.. that they could discover this together. the eye contact was like asking, "is this okay?" without needing to voice the words. they both couldn't speak.

mello almost angrily dove his tongue deeper into nears mouth. upset over how vulnerable the eye contact, and overall this whole situation made him feel—he furiously jerked his hips in short yet rough motions, a quiet moan muffling between their lips.

near squeezed his eyes shut as he accepted this. he could feel the raw desperation radiating off of mello like a furnace and he was still attempting to hide it for the sake of his own ego. they were equally high off of newfound arousal.. and yet, it was still a competition on mellos part. competing to see who would completely fall apart.. though they were both equally falling apart as much as the other. they were making each other fall apart piece by piece.

mello rolled his hips in a more passionate manner, slow and intimate—the friction immediately causing goosebumps to run all over his body. near had let out a much louder and drawn out noise into the kiss, he couldn't even keep up with the making out at this point.

it already felt like too much between the two.. it was sickening how good it felt.

mello felt himself throb against his pants as he put a sudden stop to his movements, near making a small sound of dissatisfaction right afterward. his hips immediately yearned to move again, but he didn't want to in fear he'd cum in his pants too quickly. it was pathetic. he cursed at himself for even WANTING to get this far with near.. but that lingering part deep inside his brain knew that he wouldn't want to do this with anybody else. near and him were undeniably perfect for each other in every aspect.. like two pieces in a puzzle. even their bodies felt like a perfect fit for the other, they were destined to get into this situation at some point.

near pulled away from his lips—his head lowering to rest against his shoulder. the friction was overwhelming and was making him involuntarily tremble, but he didn't want to pull his body away. whatever mello had been doing felt so good, exhilarating. just the simple feeling of pressing up against him was pleasurable, how desperate mello was for him, even if he himself didn't want to admit it, near already knew. he could feel it, even through the layers of fabric separating them. near has always been the logical type, so his body and mind wasn't used to this emotionally driven situation.. the throbbing sensation between his thighs was physically painful. he couldn't understand what exactly was happening to his body or what to even do about it, but he trusted mello enough to know what to do. to make him feel what he's desperately needing to in that moment.

mello swallowed hard as he began a very shaky rythym with his hips, closing his eyes as he choked back a moan. he felt so humiliated. he felt like an animal compared to near. this isn't what he wanted, he didn't want to feel weak in this situation. he wanted near to feel weak. this was both of their first time doing something like this.. why was he the one feeling so humiliated? why did his chest feel so heavy? was he feeling guilty? what does he have to feel guilty for? should he stop? does near want to stop? why does he even care about what near wants. he shouldn't have gone this far.. they don't even know what they're doing. was near actually enjoying this? he let out a pitiful groan as his mind raced and battled against the pleasure near was inflicting on him.

while mello was battling against the pleasure, near was embracing it. though the new feelings bombarding his whole body and mind felt messy for him, he accepted it. he wanted to feel more of mello. his body was so warm.. inviting. his hands trembled as they slid down to his waist and snaked up his back.

nears hands felt burning hot to his skin, even through his shirt he could feel the warmth of his palms perfectly.. maybe it was just his body being extra sensitive because he was aroused. his lower face dug into nears shoulder as his hips roughly jerked up amidst his softer movements, in an attempt to muffle the humiliating noise he had let out. he felt so helpless... this goes against everything he was building up for himself. allowing near to have this much control over him was unfair, as well as it is stupid. he doesn't want to be controlled like this, especially by someone like him. he doesn't want to be the one to fall apart. he reluctantly moved his lower body away from his before shakily snaking a hand down to the front of nears pants; gently palming him through the thin fabric. he was so warm in that area.

nears hips violently flinched as a moan muffled into the fabric of mellos shirt. "mello..." he whispered. it stung the back of his throat as he helplessly moaned it out, his ears ringing as he heard it echo in his skull. he clung to his back, his fingers digging into the fabric like he was attempting to stable himself. mello touching him there felt incredibly personal, he was unsure of how to feel about it immediately.. though the way his cock continously twitched against his hand said enough.

mello gulped as he continued to gently move his palm against him. he was so hard... he never would've thought that near had the ability to feel aroused. he wondered if he was making him feel good but he quickly shoved that thought down. he moved his hand to presumably the shaft, his fingers gently wrapping around the length through his pajama pants and stroking a little too fast.

a loud, choked whine escaped from near before he immediately sunk his teeth into mellos clothed shoulder, an desperate attempt to quiet himself. his legs had instinctively shut closed—seeing as he was overly sensitive. it almost felt like mello was touching his soul, in an odd, uncomfortable; pleasurable way.. every stroke felt like he was gently caressing his exposed heart. he's gently split him open.

mello huffed out of arousal as more blood rushed to his own erection. he could feel the size of nears cock through his pants and as expected, it wasn't big or girthy.. it was perfect. he tightened his grip, now pumping at a slow yet firm pace.

near continously whined through his teeth. he felt like he was going to cry—not out of shame or disgust, but raw and consuming pleasure. mello was touching and pleasuring him and his fingers were so warm... he never thought anything could feel this good, of course it was mello to make him feel it. was mello doing this because he wanted to pleasure him or was it some form of him taking control? either way, it made near extremely aroused. he rolled his hips upwards, jerking his cock into his hand. his body shook as he did it again, his moans muffling into mellos shirt.

mello was in awe over how desperate he so easily became. he's fallen apart. so easily surrendering himself to him. he had no shame. while he himself could feel nothing but shame. once nears legs loosened up, he managed to gently and purposefully stroke his cock without squeezing it so much.

near let out a strained groan through his teeth. he could feel it violently throbbing in his hand, the sensation was nearing painful again—but he craved more. mello was singlehandedly uncovering an incredibly vulnerable side that even himself didn't know existed until now.. he felt exposed. but if it's mello unraveling and seeing this side than he's okay with that, he wouldn't have it any other way. this side would only be for mello. his teeth began to tug at his shirt, shamelessly rolling his hips into his firm grip in time with his strokes, his hand felt so good but not enough at the same time.

mello was getting hot, overbearing kind of hot. the hot that makes your hair stick to your forehead and clothes stick to your skin with sweat. maybe it was just him being incredibly turned on, or maybe it was nears body heat combining with his. either way, he was sweating bullets underneath his black long sleeved shirt. it didn't help that near was 'subtly' attempting to thrust his lower body against his.

his body jerked as he continued to buck his hips into mellos hand, a helpless whine muffling into his shoulder as he felt his thumb grind and push up against the slit of his cock. precum beginning to stain the front of his pants whilst mello was firmly stroking the head, the fabric immediately soaking up the substance. he choked back another whimper as he shakily spread his legs open, completely inviting mello to his body. a painful throb. the throb of needing more. to feel the person you care for so deeply. he couldn't take it anymore.. he needed to feel him. to pleasure him. it was completely unlike his usual thinking process.. but he wasn't so sure that he cared at this moment. he moved his face and teeth off of mellos shoulder, his hands unclenching from his back and shakily moving to both sides of his neck, pulling his face close to his.

mello felt ashamed as soon as his eyes met nears. near was looking straight into his soul. it sounds threatening—but it wasn't. his eyes were half lidded; they weren't so empty anymore.

"mello... please..-" it rolled off of his tongue so naturally it caught himself off guard.

mellos eyes widened. nears words rang in his ears, like hearing a song you know is going to be your favorite.

to near, mellos expression almost looked needy.. but maybe that was just his hazed mindset. he nervously gulped before eyeing his crotch—silently signaling to him that he wanted him, he wanted to pleasure him. that was the whole reason why he allowed him to go this far.

mello felt lightheaded. this wasn't what he had planned. he wanted to feel angry. he wanted to push him away and forget the whole thing... but he physically and mentally couldn't pull away from him. near being this desperate to feel and pleasure him.. how could he run away from an opportunity like that? even if it felt like accepting defeat. he huffed before removing his fingers away from nears cock, grabbing his waist with the same hand. how did they get here?

nears body writhed over the loss of friction, a barely audible whine escaping from his lips. he could feel himself continously twitching against the fabric of his pants and in an desperate and overall hazy state, he instantly pushed his lower body up against mellos and began rubbing up against him like an animal in heat, his hips moving in short yet frantic movements.

mello let a loud moan slip past his lips—sounding more needy than he wanted to. it hurt his ears hearing it echo. he's disgusting. maybe he imagined it, but he swears he heard near say something.. though hes unsure of what it could've been. it was a mumble, hard to decipher. now, despite his mildly dumbed down state and intense pleasure racking his entire body, he still managed to feel irked by near initiating this. he didn't enjoy feeling powerless.. especially when it came to him. he's felt powerless to him his whole life, the last thing he wants is to feel that way in this specific moment. he dug his fingers into his waist as he ground his dick down and harder against him, his whole body trembling in response. he leaned his face closer to nears until their noses touched, shared gasps escaping between the two. they were breathing in each others air like they would die without it. his erection was pushing against the confinement of his pants, the head of his cock poking and rubbing against nears after every thrust. the mere sensation almost made him cum, precum beginning to leak and dribble down; slowly dampening the front of his pants.

nears hands left mellos neck and returned to his back; gripping then caressing it before his hands fell down and to his hips, almost forcing him to grind up against him faster. he felt so incredibly rough. hungry for something that he didn't know. he could feel his cock pulse and twitch everytime it was greeted by mellos. he wanted to get closer—closer than they already were. he wanted to pull mellos clothes off and for as gentle natured as he is, it sounds wildly out of character.. but he felt so incredibly built up with too many new emotions. he needed to see mellos body. to caress his bare skin. he moved his hands back up and wrapped his arms around him, aswell as his legs shakily wrapping themselves around his waist; pushing him as close as he possibly could get. his legs were pushing his hips harder and harder against him, it still wasn't enough. he was continuously whining and moaning, his moans beginning to crack as his throat began to burn—tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. having mello this close should be enough. yet, it wasn't.

mello was trying so hard to contain his voice and to remain the 'composed' one. so far, it was working. but a few more grinds and it won't be so easy to remain that way.. no, he has completely lost control. he lost it a long time ago. he lost it as soon as he answered the door to near instead of slamming it in his face.. he was never in control. he felt nears rhythm grow messy, his moans growing into broken whimpers and high-pitched squeaks. he eventually had to slap a hand against his mouth because of how loud his noises were echoing throughout the empty room. near gazed into his eyes, it was an expression that mello was going to remember for the rest of his life.

his arms freed mello as his fingers flew to clutch the edges of the table—his head and back now resting against the wall behind him. he squeezed his eyes shut as the intense pleasure began to bombard his already sensitive body in waves, making him bite down on mellos fingers.

it hurt, but mello was practically numb to it. he arched his back and leaned down, thrusting himself down against near. despite being clothed it was the best sensation either of them has ever felt.. it didn't help that they were both inexperienced. nears noises were vibrating against his hand, he was breathing so hard and fast... mello was about to cum from the sight of him. he moved his hand and quickly replaced it with his lips instead, making near let out a pleased moan into his mouth.

they both have totally lost it. will they be able to see each other again after this?

.....

mello had pulled his lips away, now pressing his forehead against nears as his own moans began to grow louder. he was close... dangerously close. he squeezed his eyes shut and began to tremble as his orgasm reached closer—his groans turning into downright whimpers as he felt his dick pulse. near had quickly sat back up, his hands tightly clutching his back as he pulled him into an oddly intimate embrace. luckily mellos brain was mush, too focused on his orgasm that his arms tightly wrapped themselves around near in return.

near quickly dug his face into his shoulder. he so badly wanted to feel skin to skin in any type of way. to make him feel good... to make him trust him enough to be completely vulnerable. his body violently jolted and his muscles tightened, his first orgasm washing over his body. his face dug deep into mellos chest as he loudly sobbed into it. a sob of need as he violently shook, his cock twitching with each squirt of cum.

mello smirked as he felt nears cock frantically twitch against his, the cloudy substance quickly beginning to seep through the fabric.. but that smirk quickly got wiped away as he had to cover his own mouth with the noises he was letting out. his orgasm hit him like a bag of bricks, his dick twitching as ropes of cum stained the inside of his pants.

nears legs trembled as they kept mello firmly in place, his hips twitching as he felt him cum against him.

he held onto near, so tightly that he probably would've broken a bone or two.

they both sat there breathing and panting erratically as they held onto each other, their minds completely blank from aftershock.

nears ears were ringing. for this being his first orgasm, it hit him hard. his whole body felt light, almost dreamlike.

mello rested his face on his shoulder for a minute, attempting to recover from that rough climax before near manages to. did they really just do that? together? ...he's never been that intimate with anyone, ever. then again, growing up in an orphanage for half your life doesn't exactly raise your chances of finding someone worth doing that with... but near? the one who has always been ahead of him, the one who is seen as 'emotionless' is underneath him, shaking and whimpering after cumming in his pants. was this wrong? was what they did abnormal? what do they do now? what do people usually do after doing this with somebody?

mello wanted to pull away. near wanted to pull him closer.

...

a couple more minutes passed before mello eventually managed to unstick himself from near, immediately growing aware of the largely uncomfortable and sticky wetness in his pants. he cursed under his breath before gazing up at near—whom was a trembling and panting mess. he was limp on top of the bedside table, blankly looking down at the ground. mello couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. great, now he's concerned about him because of this whole... thing. he walked over to the abandoned duffle bag and began frantically searching for a clean pair of pants.

.. despite what had just occured, near quickly remembered that mello was going to be gone. the realization hurt even more now, like salt on an opened wound. they both had just opened themselves up to one another, just for mello to turn away right afterwards. they possibly will never see each other again after this, and that scares him. he doesn't want him to leave. why can't they just work together? even if they were to be in danger and be risking their lives, at least they'd die together. he doesn't want mello to die without him being there beside him. he shakily fixed his posture, pulling his knees up to his chest to hide the shameful stain seeping through the front of his light colored pants. he didn't like the way he felt right now. he gazed over at mello, rather longingly as he mustered up the courage to say something. anything.

.....

"... I'll search for you." his voice was as gentle as it always was.

"huh?"

near swallowed. he had so much left to say to him. "when you leave.. I will find out where you are, or at least.. I'll try."

he scoffed. "if I want to be found, then I'll come to you."

near fondly smiled. "... okay."

even if it was empty words, even if mello still didn't quite understand why near allowed him to do such an intimate thing with him, even if they never see each other again, even if mello still hates him, near didn't mind.

he trusts him to understand at some point.