Chapter Text
==>Be an omniscient narrator. Or a badass third-person point of view.
Vriska flicks a piece of dirt on her jacket and reclines on her seat, the tattered sofa beneath her squeaking as old springs crunch and coil. The television is on and it is blaring crap from the latest episode of Real Life. Vriska cant' even be damned to laugh at all the wrong moments as she ought to, as she's too focused on the dirty piece of glass that used to be a window once.
It used to be a window before she punched right through it anyways. She whistles, a low and meaningless tune as she crosses her feet, one over the other, and glares at the window some more, as if the sheer power of her one-eyed stare could pick the shards up from the ground and right them into place. Needless to say, it, like many other things Vriska is discovering about her habits, is completely ineffective.
The apartment is empty. John left a week ago, having helped her bring up the tattered furniture from the nearest human junk store ("Salvation Army, Vriska, Salvation Army! It's not a junk store!"--) and her first few bags of rations ("See, we call these groceries and adult responsibilities, Vriska can you spell tha--oh ow!--") but now that he's gone, it's like he was never here at all.
She flings the remote control with a surprising amount of accuracy and grins for a second as it slams into the front of the television, all sounds and static of the Real Life fizzing out and disappearing in one, two, no three shaky gray lines. It is dead quiet now, save for the low droning of pipes and the occasional note of shitty pop music that floats in courtesy of the douchebag next door.
Her fist is still wet with tiny streams of blood from her cut knuckles but she scowls at them instead of tending to it, blue blood tying around her closed hand like pieces of string. It's not dripping on the ground yet, so there, that's fine, and she is too used to her hive being a goddamn mess to start changing old habits now.
The mere reminder of Alternia sends her rushing down another trail of thought. Shit. Vriska misses her recuperacoon. She misses warm sopor. She misses eating actual fucking sustenance fit for trolls and she misses not being constantly surrounded by humans. Not that any of them seemed to mind her. Which was unexpected, actually, since the trolls all figured their stay on Earth would be fucked completely considering the fact that they were now the minority, they the aliens but the first asshole human who wasn't part of John's dumbass, teen-wonder brigade just walked right past her, not sparing her a second glance.
Which beyond royally pissing her off (because nobody ignores Vriska Serket), was actually fucking miraculous. A downright miracle, as the resident juggalo dumbass might even say (actually, did say). They tried this some more in a variety of ways, with a variety of different trolls and humans of different ages. Speaking of which, why was it that humans came packaged like fucking candies with different colors and shades? Their differences were fucking innumerable, ignoring, of course, their similarity in looking like freaky babies with pathetically soft features. Anyways, the lot of them concluded that the humans perceived the trolls as humans as well, which was met with a mix of both relief and revulsion. For shit starters, Vriska was not used to the cards not being stacked against her. Not only did it make things less fun but it also made things harder to predict. And there was no fucking way in hell she could have seen that the others would accept the fate that was dealt them and continue (for the most part) to live on in freaky, domesticated bliss playing make-believe with other humans and their own original cast of dinky idiots.
Of course Equius and Nepeta stuck together. He went onto do like, fucking, body-building or something and Nepeta babysat animals like she didn't once tear them apart with her own goddamn teeth. Sollux, Aradia, Feferi and Eridan moved in together in what was probably the most fucking dysfunctional living scenario ever (like, why would you watch the Real Life if you could just watch these morons in real-time) but nobody killed each other yet (or again, ha!) so obviously some kind of magical deity was at work. Either that or they were all in pails with each other, which was a train of thought that needed to crash into a tunnel and burst into a giant fiery explosion.
The Harley chick went onto do some crazy science-y shit and started building jetpacks or ray-guns or some other techy crap. No one has a goddamn idea where she lives except maybe the humans, but she has a tendency of dropping in whenever she wants to see whoever she wants.
Karkat, John, Dave and Terezi lived a couple blocks away in what was probably the grossest most pathetic almost-bachelor pad of all time. Between Terezi licking everything and everyone, Dave's annoyingly loud (and a little bit cool, like, the tiniest fucking amount) turntables, Karkat's never-ending, self-loathing string of expletives, and John's newly acquired and ironic love for constantly baking, Vriska didn't have to live in their neighborhood to know that everyone probably hated them. Or feared them. Or just straight out avoided them.
Then like, to no one's fucking surprise, Gamzee and Tavros went on some...stupid spiritual journey or what the fuck ever. Vriska mostly imagined it involved sleeping in questionable places, eating gross things, and doing their fucking horrendous and embarrassing slam poetry in public. She figured it was probably their best option since finding jobs that weren't explicitly "being a drugged out juggalo on the constant brink of psychotic breakdown" and "being a pathetic loser with a stuttering problem and indecisive tendencies" were probably not commonplace human grist-building careers.
And then Fussyfangs and the Lalonde girl. Everyone knew they were totally flushed for each other so no one bothered clapping when they went and hooked up in some snazzy house filled with dumb wizards and knitting and cats. Ignoring all the pet dander and ugly posters, those two were probably the most secure and well-adjusted out of all of them. And using the words "well-adjusted" for the crazy Lalonde chick was not exactly easy since last she heard, Rose battled a serious case of grimdark before and probably had some weird lusus--or mother, whatever-- complex. And Fussyfangs was hardly exempt from her own problems, because becoming a rainbow drinker was not like deciding you wanna only eat a specific kind of grub for the rest of your life. She scrunched her face up at that thought, not really wanting to know exactly how Kanaya went about and got her daily dose of nutrition. Bluh, no, enough of that.
Vriska exhaled, a thin stream of air escaping through the slit of her mouth as she finally rose from the sofa, heading towards the kitchen to shove her hand under water. Vriska Serket was not one to sulk. Sulking was for losers and weaklings who didn't know how to make their own goddamn situation any better. But facts were facts, and the fact was, this sucked.
She doesn't bother making a face when the water runs over the cuts, because sting as it might, it's not anything worth thinking about. Wallowing in self-pity was a very consuming exercise anyways.
Her husktop--er, human labtop, whatever, same thing--pings as a message pops up on the window. She doesn't have to cross the kitchen table to know it's John because she could see his stupid blue font color blinking at her from here and it takes her a while before she remembers that he's probably making sure she didn't forget that they were doing Dave's "awesome surprise birthday party!!" later today. She's pretty sure that's one hell of an uncool birthday title. And that surprise birthday parties were kinda lame on principle too, but maybe that was the point, you know, for irony and all. But remembering that this is John she's dealing with, she discards that thought, because really? John Egbert capable of intentional irony? Pffft. She wraps her hand messily in a small roll of band-aids from behind the kitchen counter (because screw human social order, she'll put things where she goddamn wants) and plops herself down in front of the screen.
EB: hey vriska!
EB: vriska!!!!
EB: vriska!!!!!!
EB: vriiiiiiiiska!!!!!!!!
AG: 8LUH, 8before you go on to tell me things I already know
AG: I didn't forget it was Strider's surprise 8irthday party today ok????????
AG: Like my gr8 memory would forget that, as lame as a surprise birthday party is
EB: hey it is not lame!
EB: it's ironic!
EB: ...right?
AG: Jooooooooohn
AG: What did I tell you a8out 8eing more assertive with your st8ments?
EB: hahaha yeah
EB: well anyways we're gonna meet at rose and kanaya's place at ummm
EB: 6:00 i think! so don't be late ok?
AG: Getting 8ossy huh Egbert! Well just for that, I'm coming extra l8!!!!!!!!
EB: oh come on vriska
EB: there will be cake! so much cake! and cookies too!
EB: with really awesome frosting!!!!!!!!
EB: i even made a batch with like
EB: frosted spiders and stuff!
EB: so you absolutely have to come.
EB: because who else is gonna eat them first?
AG: ...
AG: .....
AG: ........
AG: I h8 it when you pull a fast one on me like this.
AG: And 8y h8 I mean love!
AG: I mean obviously you are learning from the 8est so improvement is a must.
AG: Okay, okay, fine I'll 8e there at 6
EB: hehehehe
EB: thanks vriska!
EB: you wont regret it!
EB: it'll be awesome!!
EB: there'll be music and food and con air!!!!!!!!
EB: for irony!
John keeps on babbling on about the sheer awesomeness of the party he's got planned but at this point, Vriska's pretty much done with the conversation. She leaves the computer to head to the bathroom. There's likely to be a layer of day old pizza and shitty takeout smell on her clothes and hair and the last thing she wants is Fussyfangs giving the old song and dance about not eating right (which is like, hilarious considering the lack of diversity in her own food pyramid). She don't want to admit it, but there is the tiniest bit of excitement to get out of this boring as hell apartment. Even if it means being surrounded by a bunch of losers, they're still the losers she knows best.
-===> Be Vriska Serket.
Okay, take it back.
This party blows.
John wasn't lying about the music and food and Con-Air. Which is a really awkward combination of things because you think the singer is babbling about teenage dreams and sleep deprivation, or something, you can't tell, it's hard to decide when there are explosions from the television and shots of Nic Cage being a general badass. It is a surprisingly full party, everyone having had taken the effort to show up--or more likely, was successfully coerced/tricked by John and Rose to attend. Shit, even Tavros and Gamzee are here, taking a break from their totally suspicious, spiritual vagabonding. After the entrance of the birthday boy (who was unsurprised or at least faked it damn well), there was cake and a weird collection of food that everyone brought as a part of a human thing called poopluck? Pockluck? Whatever, close enough.
Most of the other trolls adapted well enough to human food. Even you'd be lying if you said you hadn't acquired a taste for General Tso's chicken and pepperoni pizza. And to no one's surprise, Fussyfangs is something of a fucking chef in the kitchen and of course out-shows everyone up by like, preparing some kind of fancy looking, vaguely squishy, red, pasta-ish thing. You think it's called pasta, anyways. You haven't tried it yet just to spite her but if everyone's faces and repeated servings are any indication, it's pretty goddamn good.
Tavros inches toward you on the ground as you sit sprawled, half watching Con-Air (for what might be the fourth time in a row) and half listening to the conversations around you. You scowl at him just to scowl, no real malice on your face, and he offers you a smile, shaky at best.
"Uh, hi Vriska,"
Oh god, he is as awkward as ever. Still, you're the smallest bit glad that some things don't change and you stick a toothpick in your mouth and pick at your incisor, flicking off a piece of frosting. "Taaaaaaaavros. Back so soon from your spiritual journey or whatever?" Your single eye flicks to his face for a while, the back of Eridan's dumb purple scarf edging into your periphery as he starts another argument with Sollux. You don't really hear the details but it's still funny to see them going at it and you are distracted enough that you almost miss his response entirely.
"Yeah, well, we're just taking a break for a while, I think. John told me it was Dave's birthday, and uhh, I think they're like troll wriggling days, which weren't really celebrated back home, but, uh, you know, well, it sounded important so..." he drifts off again, one hand scratching behind the giant base of his horn before his smile returns, a little more confidently this time. "Anyways, how have you been?" In retrospect, it's really fucking weird that the two of you are having this conversation like normal friends, because history between you includes crippling, murdering, backstabbing, and mind-control, but that fun list of things also extends to you and most of the others in the group so maybe it's not so weird after all.
You'd like to think everyone mostly buried the hatchet on that matter anyways.
He's still waiting for your answer and for a while, you consider whipping up a tall tale of adventures you haven't really had, just to prove that you're having a better time than him. Somehow though, you find the energy and effort for that is sorely lacking. You opt for the truth, which surprises you a bit, but you'll blame it on the pastry induced coma later. "Bluh, it's boring. Nothing to fight! Nothing to pillage. Nothing to do." Yeah your "job" at the videostore keeps you occupied sometimes since you get to pick on customers, but even that loses its charm after the losers start ignoring your teasing. He nods sympathetically, as if he totally gets you (which he obviously doesn't because he's the one who's actually doing some adventuring, ugh!) and he takes a while before coming up with something to say.
"You know, I can...ask Gamzee if you'd like to come with us sometime. We, uh, don't really have a goal most of the time and a lot of it is discovering things along the way but it's been really fun so far! A lot more fun than a lot of the other things I've done actually..."
Which isn't saying much since it's hard to have fun when your confidence level is constantly stuck somewhere below zero but you shut your flap because you figure while some things have stayed the same (like his awkwardness), some things have changed (like his slowly growing confidence). Still, you don't even think about your response to that offer because it's so obvious that you are not about to take anyone's help--least of all, Tavros's--because as bored as you are, you are holding onto this goddamn ship of pride until its lodged deep dead into the sea.
"Nah," and you refrain from adding in the poison you know you could, "I'll figure something out. Besides, who would wanna hang out with you two losers!" You think you see his face cringe a little out of habit before he realizes you said it with a half smile and not a smirk, and it's awkward again as the both of you try to get used to communicating with sincerity and an actual attempt at friendship.
Bluh, you are officially done with this conversation. It is by far, like, ten times easier just to focus on Nic Cage and laugh at everyone else's dumb antics than it is to have to watch yourself from your own personal thinkpan-theater.
"Well, okay, Vriska. But...the offer still stands if you change your mind later." He stands up, careful with his legs (you think he still hasn't really gotten used to getting them back) and he waves at you a bit. "I think I'm gonna get another serving of Kanaya's lasagna. You should try some! It's really quite good." He gestures to the table and points out said lasagna before he takes his leave. and you hear a honk from the other side of the room as Gamzee follows after him for his own refill of pasta.
Your stomach grumbles, apparently dissatisfied with tonight's consumption of strictly sugary things. You knock back the last of your soda and head towards the table of food after you see Tavros and Gamzee ambling somewhere else in the room to eat, and the song changes to something about rocketships. You are gazing suspiciously at the many plates of food before you, trying to figure out what the hell the jiggling plate of yellow cubes that Nepeta brought is, before you finally cave in and cut yourself a piece of lasagna.
"I hope you'll like it, it seems the others find it acceptable."
You almost drop your paper plate in surprise when you hear her, but instinct kicks in and you stab the pasta with a fork in your plate before turning around to face Kanaya. She is dressed similar to how you remember, though her shirt is of a different fabric and her sign insignia is smaller, and towards the left of her breast. You half shrug before tearing into the pasta with your fork. "Yeah, well, I'm just hungry and this was the first thing I saw." Which is like almost impossible and a total lie since it's actually at the middle of the table but ugh, whatever. She smiles at that, small, but knowing, and you are momentarily indignant that she can still read you that well. She had always been perceptive to your moods, and regardless of all that's different now, it seemed like that at least wasn't about to change anytime soon.
You bite into the food. Holy shit, what the hell are you eating and why is it so good? You mask your reaction though, because like hell you are about to let Fussyfangs hear what she already knows and you say, still chewing, "Well, it's okay I guess. At least you didn't burn it or something." The jab doesn't even ruffle her feathers and she breaks her gaze only to retrieve a cup by your side full of water. "That's good, I'm glad to hear it's edible." You think there might be a trace of teasing in there but before you can respond, Rose slides in by your other side, leaving you sufficiently trapped between your ex-moiral and her now girlfriend, or flushcrush, or ugh, maybe even straight out matespirit.
"You know, for someone who's naturally predisposed to temper tantrums and shouting, you've been awfully quiet since this party started. Don't tell me you're suddenly interested in developing a facet of shyness or restraint? Because I have to say, it seems a rather ill fit," Rose's catlike smile doesn't go unnoticed, and she pops a small tart into her mouth as she watches you carefully. "Ugh, whatever Lalonde. Don't even try your weird psychobabble on me. And don't you have a dumb trashy book with old, lame, smelly wizards to finish?" She tuts at that, shaking her head just the slightest, bob bouncing. "Smelly? Really, Vriska? My, we are running a little short on the creative insults now aren't we?"
You bristle at that, readying your arsenal of real comebacks before Kanaya interrupts with a thoughtful voice, "You know, Vriska, they're not actually bad. I mean sometimes the writing can appear to be a little dense, but that's mostly Rose's propensity for language at work, and that aside, the romance is written quite well, not too far in fact, from the thrilling prose of the latest edition of Twi--"
"--ugh, wait, no Fussyfangs shut it, I definitely do not want to hear about your trashy rainbow-drinker novels." And for once, Rose backs you up, a slight crinkle in her eyes as she replies, "To my displeasure, I'm going to have to agree with Vriska on this. Twilight is an unfortunate piece of fiction, Kanaya, and if your happiness wasn't important to me, I'd be trying much harder to rid the house of it entirely." You wince at that happiness bit because ew, flush feelings are all up in your face right now, and what you do not want to see is the two of them exchanging mouth fluids over books. Thankfully, they do no such thing. Kanaya sulks, or comes as close to sulking as you think she's capable of, while Rose shifts her attention back to you.
"Literary tastes aside, how have you been Vriska?" You wonder if she's asking just to humor you but Rose has never been the type to humor anyone but herself and the look of curiosity in her face is too convincing to be a lie. "Fine. What do you care, Lalonde?" You take another bite of lasagna again, momentarily distracted by its rich taste only to be interrupted. "Is it so strange to wonder how you are faring now that you're here on Earth? And the fact that you're living alone, too, when everyone else has chosen to live with others..." She trails off and her tone isn't accusatory, just careful and probing, but you still raise your defenses anyways because it's better to be safe than sorry. She chews on a cupcake carefully, delicately, you think, and you stare for a moment at her blunt human teeth. You are careful not to pause for too long. "Just means I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. I'm not like Fussyfangs here who needs to stick her nose in everyone's business all the time," Kanaya lifts an eyebrow at that, hoping to respond but Rose, as always, is too quick to let her start. "Still, it must get...oh I don't know, boring, I suppose. Maybe even lonely."
You don't know what game she's playing at but it seems like Kanaya does because her eyes widen just the slightest, jade irises darting between Rose and yourself. Figures these two would be scheming something.
You finish the rest of your lasagna in quick bites, stuffing the remaining pieces in your mouth and shoving it into the trash bag in front of you. Back turned to the two of them, you miss their whispering to each other, one voiced hushed and unsure, the other calm and confident. When you return, you wipe your hands on your pants, an act that makes Kanaya frown at the small bit of tomato sauce that claims a new home on the front of your pockets, and decide then and there to bite back at the bait that's dangling in front of you. "Whatever, what do you care! Feeling lonely is for looosers," ignoring for a moment that this is exactly how you feel at times, you press on, "and besides, not like I'm about to move in with any of these idiots anyways." You jerk your thumb over behind you, pointing vaguely at John, Karkat, and Dave who are playing the worlds most intense game of Monopoly (you think you hear Karkat screaming, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN GO TO JAIL. YOU GO TO JAIL, FUCKASS!") "Or god jegus forbid, those guys," you point your finger over at Eridan and Sollux, who are bent over an old, battered N64 playing what appears to be, a racing game with people wearing dumb red hats. "And you couldn't even pay me to live with Sweaty McSweatPants and his accomplice Roleplaying CatGirl." Rose makes a face at the weak nickname.
Fine, so you admit that your name-calling for Nepeta wasn't so great but hey, you are on a roll here, okay? Okay.
"The misadventures of the clown juggalo and his big horned friend is also not something I'm about to touch with a ten foot pole either, so don't even bother, Lalonde." Nevermind that the two of them were probably having ridiculous amounts of fun and pillaging and--bluhh, whatever. Anyways. Rose still looks determined, for whatever dumb reason, and Kanaya has ceased talking at all, now looking worriedly at Karkat (or maybe more at her carpet) as he flips the entire gameboard over, spilling fake money and plastic toys up into the air.
"Well, then all things considered, that still leaves you one option." You almost miss the suggestive arch of her brows at that, and you are glad that Kanaya isn't looking at the two of you anymore because you swear that is as fucking flushed of an advance as it gets. Geez, is Lalonde really tugging your chain here? You don't get to come up with anything witty to that because Kanaya turns back to you, worry easing off her face as John and Dave's laughter breaks out to Karkat's great annoyance. You try not to watch Terezi giving the pink paper money an experimental lick. "Not to say we are forcing your hand, Vriska", she says, "You are simply welcome to visit anytime you'd like." You are pretty sure Kanaya is doing what she does best, which is more or less giving you an odd mixture of fussing and being really pale for you, and you pretend like you're not even considering the offer. A cat comes up and brushes itself against your pant leg, as if standing in for the totally plump cherry on this unexpected cake of conciliatory feelings jam (or what you think is a conciliatory feelings jam) and you stare at it before giving it a scratch behind the ears. It decides this is a very acceptable turn of events and purrs, a deep rumbling sound coming from its small, orange chest.
"It's just something to think about." Rose pats you on the shoulder in a kind of patronizing way but she retracts it so fast you cant gauge it completely. Still, you stick with your good old response of glaring. Though you think this is dulled in effect by the purring cat that you are crouching to pet more comfortably, she does you both a favor by sliding over to the other side of the room, leaning on the wall to converse with Dave who is trying way too hard to be a casual cool kid at his own goddamn birthday party.
Kanaya cuts you another piece of lasagna and puts it on a new plate for you before nodding slowly, as if carefully debating whether or not to say what she ends up saying anyways. "Please don't rise too quickly at Rose's barbs, she is just teasing. Consider it something...akin to affection, perhaps, and not black in nature," She offers you the plate with a small handful of carefully folded napkins and you take them both, fully knowing there's no way in hell you're gonna be using the napkins anyways. "But I do know she means it when she offered you a place to stay. And..." she pauses here, looking down at the cat who is still sitting before you, "...it seems that Gandalf has taken a liking to you." You very obviously make a gross face at the name because Gandalf, seriously? What the hell kind of name was that?
"I would also like to think that Rose and I are better companions than the delivery boy and pizzaman who frequent your hive so often," there it is again, the faint note of amusement, but it passes quietly as she continues, "...so please, consider it."
You don't know why everyone's up and gotten such an interest in your life all of a sudden but between the purring cat and the plate of very tasty lasagna in front of you, it's suddenly kind of difficult to be disagreeable. "Bluh, yeah, I'll think about it maybe." She seems to catch onto the fact that that's the best she's going to get out of you and she leans down as well to pet Gandalf, who leans into her familiar touch, and she leaves you alone at last.
The party afterwards gets a little more fun. Jade and Karkat are now playing the racing game in place of Sollux and Eridan and there are enough shouted FUCKASS's between them to drown out anything else in their proximity. Dave's finally convinced John that his music taste absolutely blows and has since taken over the music with his sick turntables which has brought everyone a sweep of relief that no one knew they needed. Gamzee and Feferi are talking, or you think, Feferi is trying to talk to Gamzee who seems insistent in trying to converse with strictly honks. Some people start trickling out when it gets to be around ten, and you leave when John tries to play Con-Air for the ninth time because ugh, uncool. It could have been a perfect eight! Everyone slaps each others backs kind of awkwardly and you leave before any dumb nut tries to get too chummy with you, shouting a sarcastic happy wriggling day to Dave who gives you the finger to your delight.
When you return to your apartment, it is just as you left it, and you have enough sense of mind to tape up the window to keep any cold drafts from blowing in along with unwanted pests. You throw yourself into your pile, because human beds are lame and uncomfortable, and you fall asleep remembering the odd sound of Gandalf purring and the echoing words of an unexpected proposal offered at your feet.