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It’s a Tuesday night. Taki makes sure to keep a distance between herself and Tomori as they walk under the stars.
“Tomori…”
“Mm?”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Mhm…”
Blue lights shimmered, dancing on their skin as they gaze into the aquarium. Tomori’s gaze was on the penguins floating by in the water. But Taki’s eyes landed elsewhere, tracing the glimmering highlights on Tomori’s eyeball with her own. Mesmerizing, perhaps she could describe it as that. She wanted to keep looking.
Taki ripped her eyes away from the girl, forcing herself to look at the aquarium. She wants to look at her again. She shakes her head.
“It’s… really calming.”
She mutters.
“It is.”
Silence. Taki doesn’t know if she wants to look at Tomori or the penguins.
“I think…”
“Mm?”
“I think this is what forever would feel like…”
She chooses to look at the penguins.
“Feeling time flowing seamlessly past us…”
Tomori watches the penguins inside the aquarium swimming without a care in the world, propelling and spinning through the water with their bodies specifically crafted to be as streamlined as possible after so many years of evolution.
Her eyes shine with wonder.
“That’s what I want.”
A soft murmur sounds. Taki doesn’t know what to say.
One by one, the penguins surface. The girls had to tilt their head up to keep up with them.
“W—Why did you take me here…?”
She can’t help but let her curiosity take over. Taki knew Tomori had an annual pass for this aquarium, but… why her?
“Um…”
Multiple penguins were huddled up together closely, maybe for warmth in the middle of the manmade icy and rocky landscape. Tomori counted each of them carefully, her eyes raking over each one. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
One penguin picked up a pebble from nearby. It waddled on to its partner and gifted it the stone.
“They remind me of us…”
Taki’s breath hitches, before she shakes her head, refusing to entertain her thoughts. Tomori meant MyGO as a whole, of course. Her face heats up, much to her embarrassment.
“Penguins… gift rocks to their partners as a sign of affection.”
Eyes widened, her breathing quickened ever so slightly. Taki could feel… something welling up inside of her. Her cheeks redden more and more with each passing second, a smile creeping up on her face.
“U-Um—”
Fuck. Why was she feeling this way? Tomori never even gifted her any rocks. Ever. Taki’s just being selfish once again. When is she not?
She shakes her head. A moment of silence passed, the sloshing of water as the penguins in the enclosure swam around gracefully.
“Taki-chan… You’ve been distant lately…”
Her smile dropped at that. Was that why she took her here? She took in the sight of the water rippling in front of her, averting her eyes away from Tomori.
The vast blue took up most of her vision. Her thoughts calmed down for a moment, just barely enough to form a sentence.
“Um. S—Sorry, if it seemed like that.”
“I just… didn’t want to bother you.”
Taki’s face fell, her shoulders slumped. Looking down at the ground, she shuffled her feet awkwardly.
“Taki-chan…”
The vocalist's voice holds a hint of sadness in it. Taki immediately is wracked with guilt at the tone, knowing that she was the cause. Of course. Only now has she realized she had just proven Tomori’s point.
“I—I have to go!”
Before Tomori could even say anything, Taki already bolted away from the scene. Tomori watches, dumbfounded, watching as her silhouette slowly gets smaller and smaller, until she runs out of sight behind some buildings.
Panting, hands on her knees, Taki’s mind is a mess. A little trip to the aquarium and it ends up with her brain turned to mush. She didn't know what to do with these feelings, she barely knew what it was. She stands up, wipes some sweat off of her forehead and looks around, desperately trying to calm down.
Alas, the more she thought about it, the worse she felt. She literally left Tomori alone, at night! Ran away, just like that!? What was she thinking!? Never would she have thought she would leave Tomori’s side, of all people. But… her instincts told her to run. Run from the feelings she doesn't know how to navigate. The feeling that she refuses to acknowledge, to indulge in. But her actions only hurt Tomori, running away and becoming even more distant. She can feel her heartbeat speeding up.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! Taki really wants to go back to Tomori. But should she? Leaving her alone like that, running, out of nowhere… She wants to apologize, but also, she’s scared of meeting her face. She’s shaking. Her hands balled up into fists and she’s shaking. Maybe only now would Tomori realize how horrible Taki was. How awful, selfish, terrib—
“Taki-chan…?”
Her heart leaps.
Hesitantly, she braces herself, taking a deep breath and… turns around.
It’s those ash-gray hair, those amber eyes and rosy cheeks and those lips that's usually a smile that she wants to protect, now a frown. Because of her. Because of Taki.
“T—Tomori, sorry..”
“For… running off like that…”
She’s still catching her breath, panting in-between sentences. She can’t look Tomori in the eyes.
“Taki-chan, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m–I’m fine. It’s— You shouldn’t worry about me.”
“But I want to.”
Shit.
“I want to worry about you. I want to care about you… so please…”
“Tell me.”
Taki almost recoils as she said that. The words coming out of her mouth barely intelligible. Strings of ‘um’, ‘uhs’, and ‘err’s. Her face is practically fully red now.
“N—No, I'm fine, really! Uh, um… You… don't need to worry…”
“Mm?”
Tomori tilts her head, and Taki understands why Anon always calls her ‘super cute’. She turns her head away from her, once again, refusing to make eye contact.
“Um… I just–Wanted to go to the bathroom. Uh-huh…”
“Oh…”
She doesn’t know if Tomori bought that lie or not.
“W—We should go home.”
It was late at night anyway.
“Hm? Okay…”
She sounds a bit dejected, but Taki knows how stubborn that girl can be sometimes. It’s only a matter of time until she brings it up again… and she doesn’t know if she’s ready to face that yet.
They walk home together, like always. Nothing eventful happened. Taki kept a distance between them, though. Walking a bit farther than usual. She’s glad she got away from that.
Nonetheless, the rest of the night passed without much issue.
The next day, Taki stands behind the counter at RiNG, idly cleaning up cups. Quiet day today. The afternoon light shines on Taki, forcing her to look downwards onto the wooden counter so as to not burn her retinas.
Since that incident yesterday, she had some time to reflect on herself… not that her views about herself change much, anyway. She’ll always be like this, she thinks.
While wiping a cup down with a towel, drying it of any leftover water, footsteps rang near her, approaching the counter, light and timid. Looking up to serve the customer, Taki’s eyes widened just a tad bit as she locked eyes with Tomori. Huh.
“Tomori… You came early. I–Is something the matter?”
Looking around, she didn’t see any signs of Anon with the girl. Usually they came together just after school. That is, after Anon drags her to… wherever the hell she goes for her usual shenanigans.
“No, I just… wanted to talk. To you.”
Taki had almost completely forgotten about her job.
“U–Um, sure! Would you… would you like a drink?”
The two of them sat (after getting permission from Ririko). Taki notices it’s the same table from when she served Anon and Soyo from their first meeting. A flower vase stood in between them. Huh. Was that new?
“Taki-chan…”
Tomori’s hands clenched around the cup. She’s looking down at the table, trembling slightly.
“A–ah, don’t worry! It’s on the house!”
“No, that’s not what I'm talking about…”
“... Eh?”
“About yesterday.”
Oh no. Taki’s body tenses a bit. Her breath hitches as Tomori looked up, to stare directly at her. Taki looked away.
“Taki-chan… I love you.”
Taki’s face immediately flush red, her mind taking a few seconds to process the words. She couldn’t believe her ears. Did Tomori really say that? To her, of all people? Her hands clenched tightly around her teacup, trembling more and more with each passing second.
She hears it, of course she does. But she doesn’t feel like she believes it. She… refuses to. She keeps her eyes averted from the vocalist.
“I love this band. I… I don’t want this band to separate again.”
Oh. That’s what Tomori was talking about. Of course, of course. Why did she get her hopes up in the first place? But still, she somehow feels warmth well up inside her.
“I never want to let go, ever again. So please…”
“Tell me, if you have any troubles.”
“I want to be there with you, forever. I—I’ll help, any way I can!”
Just being here, with Tomori, was enough for her, she thinks. That’s what she always thought.
“Just like you’ve dedicated your life to the band… I want to dedicate my life to you, too!”
But only now does she realize, how much more she wants…
She sighs.
There it is, that feeling again. That stupid selfish feeling. The one she shouldn’t feel. Tomori already had so much on her shoulders
She wants to help ease that burden, to earn a spot in her life. Taki didn’t want to add more onto that weight by being a burden herself… She wants to be the one to take care of Tomori. To protect the one dearest to her.
She shakes her head, catching a glimpse of the room. There’s nowhere. She can’t run. No matter how much she wants to. Her brows furrowed, she let out a shaky breath.
“Um…”
Looking Tomori in the eye, she falters. The flowers were blocking the view. Somehow, she’s glad it did.
“I…”
Am I enough? To stand equally next to you?
The thought just suddenly popped up in her mind. Usually she’d just ignore it, but now… now that she has nowhere to run, face-to-face with the person who changed her, who told her it’s okay for someone like her to live. Maybe, just maybe…
It’s okay for someone like her to lo—
No, no no no. She shouldn’t. She hadn’t earned that yet. Will she ever, though? Without her even knowing it, her hand started to reach out to Tomori. The other girl did the same. But right at the last moment… Taki pulled away, leaving the vocalist hanging, her hand that she desperately wanted to touch, suspended in the air.
“Tomori… thank you.”
“Mm?”
“Ah—It’s nothing… Your words just… made me think a bit more clearly.”
It’s still baffling to her how good Tomori was with her poetry.
“I’m glad.”
A small smile appeared on both of their faces. Taki still feels a bit… incomplete, but she chooses to ignore it as she gazes at the girl sat across from her in the eye. That flower in between them is starting to get a little annoying though… Just like the voice that boomed throughout the building just seconds later.
“Hey, guys—Ah, wait! Are we late!?”
Anon panics as she catches sight of the two of them. Soyo was right behind her, hands holding on to the strap of her bass bag.
“Tsk. You aren’t late. Tomori just… came here early.”
Taki explains, staring daggers into the two girls.
“Ehh? Then why are you looking at us like that, Rikki?”
“Tsk.”
Taki clicks her tongue again, turning her face away from the entrance. She hears Anon’s whine, before turning back to look at Tomori, her voice gentle and softer than before.
“Tomori, we’ll continue this some other time, okay…?”
“Okay…”
Just as she’s about to stand up and drag the others to the studio, Soyo’s voice registers in her mind.
“Ah. I think I know.”
“Eh, what? Can you tell me, Soyorin?”
“... No. It’s not our business anyway.”
“Awwh…”
“Come on, you…! We have a song to work on. Tomorrow is our show as well.”
The afternoon sunlight followed them until the entrance to the studio, when the overhead lights took over and replaced it. The gentle ‘ton-ton’ sounds of the floor tom reverberated throughout the small room. The feedback of a guitar followed shortly after. Small, barely noticeable rustling of papers as the vocalist skims through her notebook. And the deep resounding ‘thump-thump’s of the bass.
The door squeaked open as Raana walked in, dragging her baggage along with her. It’s going to be a long day.
They walk out of RiNG. For once, Taki’s not the one walking Tomori home. Anon stole the chance just before she could ask. Raana already went home before them, so now she’s stuck with Soyo. She glares daggers at the pink-haired guitarists back before turning away and actually walking back to her house.
“You should just go ahead and tell her.”
Soyo mutters, looking at Taki out of the corner of her half-lidded eyes.
“Haah?”
This conversation reminded Taki of that time she talked to Soyo on the stairwells after one of their concerts.
“What? I’m saying it genuinely this time.”
And it sounded like it reminded Soyo of the same moment, too.
“You’ll only hurt yourself if you keep it hidden.”
Soyo’s focus returns back to the sidewalk in front of them, continuing her walk at a leisurely pace as the cars on the street whizz by the two. Taki can barely hear her own thoughts with all the noise.
“You told me that it’s okay for someone like you to live.”
“...”
“Then why isn’t it okay for someone like you to love, too?”
“... You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe I don't. But you do. You just refuse to face it.”
A sigh could be heard from the shorter girl. She really doesn’t wanna take advice from Soyo, of all people. But… she’s running out of options. At least it’s better than advice from Anon.
“We’re all learning how to be human here. And love…”
One more day, she thinks to herself. Just one more day, and she’ll do what Soyo told her to.
“Is inherently human.”
It ended up taking Taki two days. Of which she spent the entire time pondering. Her thoughts linger on that one sentence Soyo said. And the one that popped up in her mind before. Love, love… Is that what she’s feeling? Of course it is. But only now does she fully let herself indulge. Bit by bit, like dipping her toes into warm water.
She doesn’t even know what she wants. Does she want to be with Tomori? Yes. Does she feel like she deserves it? No. But does she want to regardless? Yes, and she’s ashamed of it. It’s making her head hurt.
But… she wasn’t lying earlier, that talk with Tomori at the cafe did ease her mind a little. That girl truly is a genius lyricist the way that it made her feel like she finally has a chance to stand on equal ground with Tomori. Still, that pedestal Taki put Tomori on is too high to reach, she feels. It dwarfs her entire being. Two ideas come to her head, either she rises up to meet Tomori at her level, or… bring her down to the same level as Taki.
Neither seems possible.
The only thing that seemed concrete right now was the fact that; Taki loves Tomori. And if she wanted to know if Tomori felt the same, she had to stop running from it. To stop running from the feelings and to stop running from the fact that she loves Tomori, with all her being.
Laying on her bed, looking up at the ceiling with music blasting on her earphones, drumming in the air.
A break in the music.
“I hate myself…”
…
After practice the following day, Taki decided to just go for it. She waits for the others to leave first, one-by-one. Well, Soyo and Anon walked together, but that doesn't really matter now, does it? Raana left already, who knows where she went. All she cares about is one person for now.
“Tomori, sorry… would you mind coming with me?”
“Okay…”
They walk, and walk. The metal door squeaked open as they walked out and immediately got hit with the fresh night air. Honking of cars and chatter of pedestrians sounded in the night. The stars were bright, in spite of the abundance of glowing lights from the city. Walking down the small stairwell, Taki leans against the railing. Tomori sits on the steps, watching her from afar, looking down on the drummer.
Taki takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. She feels her heart thumping faster and faster.
“Tomori...”
A sumimi advertisement for their music video played on a huge billboard on top of a building in front of them.
A sigh came from the girl, and a thump shortly after. Taki sits on the metal floor, leaning her back against the railing, arms wrapped around her legs as she curls up on herself.
She looks at the ground, her brows furrowed. She brought this upon herself, with her selfish desires. And now, she has nowhere to run. Whatever happens next is completely her fault, she decides. She takes another deep breath, balling up her hands into fists, and–
Footsteps sounded near her, getting closer and closer, until… Tomori stood beside her, her hands on the railing and her eyes glazing over the scenery of the city, the chilly wind blowing her short hair. Taki had to look up to see Tomori clearly.
“Taki-chan…”
Her voice was soft, gentle, almost getting carried away by the winds.
“When I was lost, and alone…”
“It was Taki-chan, who held my hand and guided me…”
She looks down at the ground, hands gripping the railing tight, watching the scenery below her, letting her words spill out of her.
“Even though you don’t know the way yourself…”
“Y–You still risked it all, and…”
She gazes at Taki for a second, before turning her head back to look in front of her, her bangs swept by the movement and only accentuated more by the wind.
“Continued to stay with me, even… even if it hurt sometimes.”
“Even if I… was a nuisance…”
Her voice goes silent, almost saying it timidly. But a second after, she braces herself, taking a deep breath.
“But now, because of you! Because of... all of you!”
Tomori yells into the wind, an intense voice echoing, carried by the breeze, her hands tightening around the railing—painfully tight. Yet no one bats an eye.
No one, except Taki.
“I can—I have something important to me…”
“Something … I want to protect…”
She smiles. That small, soft and gentle smile that Taki loves oh, so much. The way she looks at Taki with such tenderness. And it broke her.
“Like how you always protect me, Taki-chan.”
After so many days of reflecting, of doubt, of contemplating. That. That was the nail in the coffin.
The girl in question, was left a mess. Taki could barely keep her eyes open, or focused. Everything’s blurry. Her breaths hitch, getting cut short by small gasps and choked sobs. She wipes her trembling arm over her eyes. Her sleeves come out wet.
She curled up on herself further, digging her knees into her forehead. Shaking, crying, desperately trying to hold it back. Maybe, if Tomori doesn’t see her face, she wouldn’t know just how weak Taki is.
Usually, she’d run. She’d run and lash out on others. Anything to avoid the pain of having to acknowledge her very existence. But here, under the gaze of her beloved, she’s unraveled herself, even more than she thought possible. Laid bare, vulnerable. Completely, and utterly human.
She can barely feel anything except the wet heat that streams down her face and the saliva in her throat threatening to choke her. She can’t hear anything other than the sounds of her cries that’s ringing in her ears. That is, until, she feels a warmth on one side of her body. She freezes.
She doesn’t want to look up.
But still, Taki forces herself to slowly crane her head upwards from its spot on her knees. Her hair, once curtained over her face, slowly moved away, revealing her tear-stained face. Still trembling, still crying. Still human.
What she sees before her, she wasn’t ready for.
Tomori, sitting next to her, her eyes boring straight into her soul, tear-filled, just like hers.
“Tomori…”
The girl's hand brushes against Taki’s. She had to resist the urge to pull away as her hand’s enveloped by the warmth of another. Her slightly calloused fingertips due to always digging into the ground and handling various sized rocks, a familiar and comforting feeling within Taki’s own hand.
“Taki-chan…”
Her voice wavers, breaking. Filled with so many emotions, but it’s different from when she’s on stage.
“Y–You don’t have to be afraid anymore..”
A mellowed out intensity. Yet still, the murmurs of her heart.
“I… Tomori, I…”
She sniffles, still barely managing to get a hold of herself. Tomori waited patiently, even if she herself was still crying. A lot.
“I—I want to be with you!”
She cries out, her voice raising. Her hand grips Tomori’s. In the midst of her emotions, she still makes sure not to squeeze too tightly.
“... can I…?”
Barely audible in the wind, she quiets down. A somber gaze on her face as she looks down on their intertwined hand. Mesmerized, her eyes shone, but not only with tears this time. She doesn’t know when Tomori grabbed both of her hands, but it felt nice.
“Y–yeah… of course…”
Their eyes meet. A smile on the other girl’s face. Taki finds it hard not to smile as well.
“That’s what I want.”
A hand slowly finds its way to Taki’s cheeks, gently cupping her face. Two hands, now. A thumb wiping away her tears. Taki’s hand feels empty without the warmth of Tomori’s enveloping hers. But now, something else within her starts to warm.
Taki can’t say anything. Can’t do anything right now. Never would she expect this to happen. Acting on her selfish desires, and for once, it worked out. At least, she hoped so. She’s far too happy to be thinking of any other potential outcomes. All she wants, is to stay with Tomori.
And now, here she is. Face-to-face with the most important person in her life. For once, she’s glad she didn’t run away. Her tears didn't stop, but she can feel her mind clear up ever so slightly.
The feeling of her hands on her face, it’s all she could focus on. So much so that she almost didn’t realize the gentle press of the girl’s lips against her own. Her hand dug into her long hair, pushing her closer and closer. As Taki realizes just what was happening, she closes her eyes and sighs.
Her hand reaches over and rests itself on the girl’s cheek, caressing her face.
Reluctantly, they pull away. Panting, out of breath. Their faces flush, a rosy red against the darkness of the night.
“... I love you…”
The words sound, and yet neither knew who said it. All they knew was that, it was said in the first place; what they’ve been holding in, deep in their bandaged hearts.
…
“So, you finally did it?”
Soyo said, crossing her legs.
“Yeah. And she… um, reciprocated it…”
“It’s Tomori. I would be surprised if she didn’t.”
She takes a sip of her tea, her eyes peeking over the cup, still gazing at Taki.
“Go on, then. She’s waiting.”
“R–right… Wait, then what about you?”
“I have my own… love affairs to take care of.”
Taki sighs, getting up from her seat. As she’s walking towards the exit, she turns back and says one last thing, exasperation clear in her voice.
“I still don’t get what you see in her…”
Soyo chuckles dryly.
“Me neither.”
…
“Tomori, sorry. Did you wait long?”
“No.”
“That’s good… We have to hurry if we want to catch the train. Come on.”
Fingers interlocked once again, Taki drags Tomori through the streets, into the ever so familiar train station they use every day.
The sliding doors open, and they enter the crowd-filled train. Taki’s grip on Tomori’s hand tightened. Thankfully, she found some empty seats near the entrance. How convenient.
Sitting down next to each other, neither of them let go.
The light from the sunset filters through the train’s windows, bathing everything in gold. It’s warm. Even warmer with her love next to her.
As the train starts moving, the landscape of the city whizzes past them, buildings casting shadows on the floor only to be left behind in less than a moment.
It’s quiet.
Taki’s eyelids are heavy. She lets out a sigh, her body slump, vision getting darker.
Her breath hitches as she feels a weight on her shoulder, and barely audible snores just a moment later.
Suddenly, Taki doesn’t feel sleepy anymore.