Archive of Our Own

The clock ticks and ticks, like the rhythmic beat of a song. Sieun, as foolish as it seems, lets a soft smile break through, as he’s reminded of the love song that Suho had sent him just the day before. He told him that the lyrics describe how he feels about Sieun and upon further inspection, Sieun’s mind still holds onto the repeated words, “love” and “forever” in the chorus.

He stands just in the hallway, leading to the door, waiting. He’s in his own home, yet he shifts and twitches in anticipation, as if time can’t move fast enough. And the reason is the message that he’s just received on his phone.

i’ll be over in five ❤️

And sure, maybe it’s a bit embarrassing how after reading it, Sieun dropped the pen in his hand and immediately lost his focus. Furthermore, it’s embarrassing how he got up from his chair, exited his room, and now finds himself standing here, waiting and waiting for his boyfriend to appear at the door with his charming smile and kind eyes. He tugs at his sleeves and even brushes his fingers through his bangs, making sure they aren’t out of place. Well, not like Suho would care about how he looks with how often he calls Sieun pretty, no matter the situation.

To be fair, it has been a few days since they’ve last seen each other. Sieun busied himself with studying for university exams as usual, but Suho suddenly became swamped with shifts, forcing him to go to work early and end late at night. And by the way Sieun’s hands twitch, feeling colder than usual, it’s clear that he craves Suho’s touch, yearning for the warmth of his skin against his.

Knock, knock.

Sieun’s eyes widen slightly and he’s quick to reach for the door handle. But then, he stops himself.

Too eager.

He waits a few seconds, lingering, making it seem like he wasn’t just waiting for Suho like a fool. Then, he opens the door and there Suho stands with a tilted head and a soft smile. Even when it’s dark out, his eyes sparkle as soon as his gaze lands on Sieun.

Then, he leans in. With the difference in their height, Sieun’s heart always skips a beat at how he has to bend forward just to reach Sieun’s lips. But just before he presses a kiss to them, he stops and shuts his eyes with an expectant smile, as if he’s waiting for Sieun to initiate it. It’s not the first time he’s done this. Rather, it’s a new thing he does just to tease Sieun.

Still, after being so impatient, Sieun closes the gap and presses a soft peck to Suho’s lips. Suho’s eyes flutter open and he lets out a soft laugh before leaning away, his gaze never leaving Sieun’s.

“I missed you,” is the first thing Suho says. It seems that the few days they’ve spent apart has affected him as well.

Sieun only stares, but he feels his cheeks warm up just the slightest.

Suho grins in response. “I can see you missed me too.” Sieun rolls his eyes. It’s almost annoying how easily Suho can read him, based on just the minuscule changes in his facial expressions. “Are you busy?” Suho continues.

“No.” Sieun already knows where this is going and he slips on his shoes.

“Then, come on.” Suho suddenly takes Sieun’s hand, pulling him out of the apartment. Sieun stumbles slightly and braces himself against Suho’s chest. “Do some deliveries with me.”

Sieun looks up at him. “You’re still working?”

Suho frowns and nods. “Unfortunately. I would stay over, but this is the only way we can spend time together for now.” His frown turns up into a smile, a slightly guilty one. “But let’s make the most of it. Hm? What do you think?”

Sieun’s eyes soften at the fact that even during a shift, Suho still tries to make time for him. And so, he nods quietly and they begin walking towards the elevator. But out of nowhere, Suho stops and turns to Sieun, his gaze saddened now.

“I’m sorry.”

Sieun’s lips part. “For what?”

“For being so busy these days. Seriously.”

Sieun shakes his head with a small, hopefully reassuring smile. “Don’t be sorry, Suho-yah. It’s okay.”

They continue walking, reaching the elevator. Suho presses the button for the first floor before turning to Sieun with a sad, puppy-like face. “Are you sure?”

Sieun nods. “I know work is important.”

“Not as much as you, but…” The elevator dings and the doors open. They’re lucky there’s no one standing there because Suho suddenly leans in and presses a soft kiss to Sieun’s lips, lingering there for a moment. Sieun’s breath catches and he tries not to lean too much into it. At least not here. “Okay,” Suho continues with a teasing smile, seeming to notice the way Sieun quickly becomes flustered. “I promise I’ll make it up.”

The two of them exit the elevator and make their way to the exit. “How?” Sieun asks.

“Well, I’ve been learning how to cook. Maybe, we could have a date at home?” Suho gives him a hopeful look.

“Sure,” Sieun says, trying to mask just how much he loves the idea because the truth is, there are some days where when he wakes up, he just wants Suho to come over and they can spend all day together at home, lounging in bed and moving slowly, like they have all the time in the world.

“We can eat, watch a movie, kiss…” Suho steps closer and Sieun’s filled with nervousness almost immediately. Suho just seems to have that effect on him. “Kiss more… until you're breathless and—“

Sieun glares and lightly shoves him. He mutters “you’re annoying” before continuing walking, significantly faster this time. He can feel the flush on his cheeks as he hears Suho laugh fondly from behind him.

When he reaches the parked motorcycle, with Suho catching up soon after, it’s almost routine how Suho reaches for the helmet. He gently nudges Sieun to look at him before placing the helmet on his head. Sieun locks eyes with Suho as an attempt to silently communicate with him. Suho looks at him and grins, with a confused expression.

“What?” He laughs.

“I–” Sieun clears his throat. “I love you.” And he quickly looks away. He’s still getting used to expressing his affection through words, but Suho’s been nothing but encouraging. So as days, weeks, and months pass by, it’s become easier.

Suho lets out a shaky exhale at that. His smile returns soon after and he swipes a thumb across Sieun’s bottom lip. “I love you too. Now, come on, pretty boy. We have deliveries to do,” he says as he gets on the motorcycle, nodding his head to the spot behind him. Sieun follows, settling down and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Sieun’s just gotten comfortable, resting his cheek against Suho’s broad back, when the motorcycle comes to a stop. He looks up and sees that they’ve arrived at another apartment complex that he recognizes, just past the cram school he used to go to. They get off and Suho’s already pulling out a bag and sets it in Sieun’s hands, their fingers brushing.

Suho gestures to the entrance. “Deliver this one, Sieun-ah. You’ve stayed cooped up studying for too long. Look–” He reaches for Sieun’s arm, squeezing it slightly before he frowns. “Did you eat yet today?”

Sieun nods. “I did. The food you bought for me yesterday.”

“Ah, right! Good.” Suho smiles. “I’m happy.”

“That I ate properly?” Sieun raises an eyebrow.

“Exactly.”

Sieun hums before clutching the bag closer. As he walks away and into the apartment complex, he turns around, just to see Suho leaning against his motorcycle with a fond, loving look, watching Sieun intently. When Suho notices that he’s looking, he straightens suddenly, flustered before looking away, trying to act busy. Sieun smiles softly. He’s always staring, no matter what they’re doing. It’s like Suho can find him in any crowded room.

Sieun’s a little out of breath once he’s finished the delivery. He goes down the stairs, excited to see Suho again. But, once he steps out, that’s when he freezes and his arms fall loosely to his sides. His eyes find Suho, who’s still leaning against the motorcycle. But this time, he isn’t alone. He’s talking to a girl, one whom he’s never seen before.

Her hair is long, flowing prettily in the evening breeze. She has on makeup which makes her eyes shimmery and her lips pink and glossy. Curiously, he watches. He watches as she adjusts her dress and steps closer to Suho. She’s smiling and laughing, the sound ringing almost obnoxiously in Sieun’s ears. Then, she swats at Suho playfully, leaning even closer.

Sieun’s eyebrows twitch.

What is this? Who is she? Does Suho know her?

His gaze shifts to Suho. He has a friendly smile, his shoulders a bit stiff. His eyes shift back to the girl. She’s clearly flirting, playing with her hair, looking at Suho like he’s the only man in the world.

Sieun’s chest hurts. He feels his fists clench and his chest continues to twist in a weird way. His lips curl into a frown. He can’t seem to look away and he’s not sure what exactly he’s thinking. His mind becomes jumbled, his gaze flickering between them with panic and… something else. What he is sure of is that it’s a little harder to breathe now.

He stands there, a distance large enough that neither Suho nor the girl notices. But maybe, if she wasn’t here in the first place, Suho would have spotted him already and that makes Sieun’s jaw clench.

They talk for a few more moments before Suho says something with a stern face, and the girl stiffens. She awkwardly pauses before nodding and walking away.

Sieun’s steps are slow and heavy. It’s almost like he has to put in all of his strength just to approach Suho. He glances down at the palm of his hand, noticing the nail marks he’s left after clenching it into a fist for so long. He lets out a shaky breath and continues to walk, but he doesn’t look up, even when he hears Suho call out to him.

“Took you long enough,” Suho says and when Sieun looks up, he sees that his eyes have brightened just at the mere sight of him. And that’s enough for Sieun to relax just a bit. “Did you get lost?”

And then Suho smiles. And again, Sieun’s reminded of how he gave that girl that very same smile. His chest tightens again and he looks away.

“No.”

“Hm, alright. Let’s get going then?” It seems that Suho’s oblivious, because when Sieun looks up, his smile is still there, softer and fonder. Then, they get on the motorcycle again, with only a few deliveries left to do.

But this time, Sieun’s hold around Suho’s waist is a little looser than before.

They stop by a few more places with each of them taking turns delivering. One time, they even went together, and the woman who opened the door gave them a knowing look. Suho smiled back proudly while Sieun flushed and looked away, deciding that they’ll never deliver together again.

But even through the soft giggling that they share, small conversations as they cruise through the streets, glowing with city lights, Sieun can’t quite shake the feeling. His mind keeps going back to that girl and how the way Suho smiled at her and it made Sieun feel almost nauseous. What bothers him more is that he has no idea what that feeling is. It pricks at him like a needle stuck in his skin. It hurts.

He’s always been a quiet person, but he’s even quieter now. It’s so eerie to the point that Suho notices, giving him a worried glance. But, he doesn’t say anything about it.

Sieun sighs, looking off into the distance. The breeze, usually soothing and familiar, becomes biting and harsh. Suho’s talking about something, but his words are a blur, fuzzy in his ears. The warmth in his voice, normally comforting, only makes Sieun’s heart sink further.

The motorcycle comes to a stop and when Sieun snaps out of it, he finds that they’re stopped outside Suho’s place. He blinks, confused before looking at Suho who’s already turning his head to look back with a smile.

“...why are we stopped here?”

Suho’s eyes glint as he gets off, Sieun following. He reaches over and takes the helmet off for him before ruffling his hair fondly. Sieun gives him an unimpressed look and Suho fakes a guilty look, this time choosing to gently fix his hair instead.

“Don’t you want to stay over tonight?”

Sieun’s eyes flicker to the side. He gulps and it’s his turn for his face to form a guilty look, real this time. It’s almost ridiculous how the mysterious feeling bothers him so much that he hesitates to stay over when on any other day, he would say yes quickly.

He looks back up and when he notices the way Suho’s staring at him with this hopeful look, his eyes resembling an excited puppy, Sieun finds himself caving–just as he often does when it comes to Suho. “I do,” he mumbles.

Suho brightens. “I knew it. You love me that much, Sieun-ah?”

“Don’t push it.” Sieun rolls his eyes but in the language that they share, it means yes.

Suho laughs and just before Sieun walks towards the entrance, he takes his wrist and pulls him in, pressing a quick kiss to Sieun’s cheek. Sieun scrunches his nose trying to hide the small smile that grows on his lips.

They wash up and get ready for bed almost immediately, after just noticing that it’s past midnight. Sieun sits on the bed, fiddling with his sleeves when Suho walks in.

“Alright, tell me,” Suho starts as he takes a seat next to Sieun and turns towards him with a soft look. “What’s bothering you?”

Sieun glances at him and tries to look away but Suho cups his cheek, bringing him right back. Sieun sighs. “Nothing.”

Suho raises an eyebrow, shifting closer. Sieun swallows thickly because it’s the slight brush of their legs that makes him realize just how much he wants Suho to hold him close. Perhaps that will quell the constant twisting of his chest, suffocating and confusing.

“You know I can tell, right?”

Sieun’s eyes widen. Does he… perhaps know what this feeling is?

“You can?”

“Yeah,” Suho breathes. “Aren’t you tired?”

Sieun blinks. Part of him wants to tell him no. He wants to tell him that this feeling is nothing like what exhaustion feels like. He wants to tell him that rather, it’s a burning flame, one he can’t seem to put out.

But, the other part of him just wants to accept it. Maybe it is just exhaustion. It’s simpler to answer that way. Instead of having to figure out what that ridiculous feeling is, he can just… say that he’s tired.

And so he does.

He nods and whispers a soft, “yes.” Yet that answer seems like such a lie. It has to be something else.

But, much to his horror, Suho frowns, his eyebrows furrowing with worry. He leans in and pulls Sieun into a hug, holding him close. Sieun lets out a soft, shaky breath.

This–

This is what he needed. That small reminder that Suho still will always treat him with so much love and care. For the longest time, he’s struggled to put a label on the hugs that he’d offer to Sieun, the meals that he’d buy for him, the smiles he’d give him… but after a while, he’s started to realize that it’s love.

Sieun closes his eyes and lets himself breathe. And for the first time this evening, the tight feeling in his chest loosens significantly.

Suho pulls away and cups both of his cheeks this time. He presses a kiss to the tip of his nose. Sieun lets out a soft, confused noise. And with Suho holding his face, he can’t look away, no matter how shy he grows.

“I’m sorry,” Suho whispers.

That further perplexes Sieun. “For what?”

“For making you do my work. That’s why you’re tired, right?” Suho sits back, seeming to be defeated and guilty, his lips pulled into a pout. Sieun feels his heart crack and he lets out a soft breath. “It really was the only way I could think of to spend more time with you. But, you must have already been drained–”

“No,” Sieun interrupts.

Suho pauses and looks at him questioningly.

“I wasn’t that tired,” Sieun reassures. It was that girl, he wants to say, but he stops himself. “I… I just missed you, actually.”

Suho’s pout lightens into a soft smile. Then, it widens and his eyes practically disappear with how happy he is now. Sieun breathes out a laugh at the sight. He’s always like this and it never fails to be endearing.

“Really?” Suho asks. “You missed me? That much?”

Sieun nods quietly. After all, this isn’t a lie. He’s missed Suho so much, even if it’s only been a few days. The moments where they aren’t together are dull and gray, Sieun realized. And as soon as his gaze lands on Suho waving at him from a distance, it’s like all color returns.

“God, I’ve missed you too,” Suho breathes, his eyes searching Sieun’s with so much love, so much adoration, like he’s the most important person in the world. He leans forward, cheeks starting to flush, something–Sieun’s noticed–that often happens when he becomes too overwhelmed with feelings. Sieun bites his lip slightly and leans backward until he falls back onto the bed. “I’ve missed you so much.” Suho climbs on top of him, nuzzling his nose into Sieun’s neck.

Sieun squeezes his eyes shut, his heart beating fast. He really is like a puppy sometimes.

“We should move in together one day, don’t you think?” Suho asks and he lifts his head before pressing a kiss to his lips. “That way, we can wake up together, spend our off days together, do everything together…” And as Suho rambles, he’s simultaneously getting up and bringing the blankets over Sieun, tucking him in. Then, he climbs in as well, pulling Sieun close to his body.

Sieun doesn’t interrupt him. He doesn’t say anything about how Suho’s going too fast, thinking far into the future, because truthfully, Sieun doesn’t mind. He finds it endearing, after all.

Finally, Suho calms down after listing out all the reasons why they should raise a cat together. He huffs out a tired breath before softly asking, “What do you think?”

Sieun hums. “I wouldn’t be opposed.”

Suho grins. “That’s a yes, then. Don’t worry, baby. I’ll make it happen one day.”

Sieun smiles before shutting his eyes, exhaustion taking over his body quickly. “I’m sure you will.”

He hears a quiet, giddy noise come from the other and then soon after, he feels him kiss his forehead. “Good night,” he whispers. And they fall asleep, holding each other close, with intertwined limbs and enchanted hearts.

The tug in Sieun’s chest has lightened, but for some reason, it still remains, almost like a string tied around his heart.

The next day, Suho sweetly kisses Sieun goodbye before he heads off to class. Suho even said, “Look, I’m even kissing you goodbye. We could do this so much more often if we lived together, hm?” Sieun’s cheeks felt warmer than the early morning sun.

When he reaches the building, instead of going right to class, he goes down the hallway and heads for another room. He walks in, his eyes drooping slightly because he longs to fall back to sleep with Suho. He knows that he’s at home right now, waiting for his shift to start. He’s probably lying on his bed, scrolling on his phone, considering the text message that Sieun’s just received.

have fun in class baby <3

He’s probably warm, and he probably smells good. It would be perfect to climb back into his arms and fall asleep against his chest. Sometimes, it’s hard to focus when he knows that Suho’s waiting for him somewhere else.

Sieun shakes his head, a flush growing on his cheeks. He squints his eyes and spots Baku and Gotak sitting together, sharing one table in the midst of an empty room. They’re giggling over a dumb video that’s just gone viral, like they usually are, their notebooks and pencils somehow ending up on the floor. He takes a seat in front of them with a straight face, though his heart picks up just a bit, nervously.

Gotak looks up and raises an eyebrow, clearly confused. “Hey? Shouldn’t you be in a lecture right now?”

Sieun opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted by Baku’s loud laugh. He sets the phone down and is about to clap Gotak on the shoulder when he finally notices Sieun’s presence. He pauses and his smile grows impossibly wider. “Oh? Yeon Sieun? What are you doing here?” He exclaims. “You want to see the video too? Look, it’s Hyoman tripping on a–”

“No.”

Baku’s mouth still hangs open but he lets out a sigh. “Alright,” he says as he exaggerates a pout. “How’s Suho by the way?” And Sieun notices the way his eyebrows wiggle teasingly.

He simply nods. “He’s good.”

Baku grins. “Great! Because I’ve been meaning to ask him to deliver me some food. For free. You know, as a friend discount.”

Sieun wrinkles his nose and Gotak groans. Then, he leans forward with a concerned face this time, looking Sieun up and down suspiciously. “So why are you here then? You usually run away from us. Well, him.” And he nods his head towards Baku, who sputters, clearly offended.

“What do you mean? Sieun loves me!”

Sieun neither confirms nor denies. Instead, he just… stares. His throat goes a little dry because to be truthful, he has looked for them for a reason. But, he’s not sure how to go about it. Not when he doesn’t even know what he’s asking about. Emotions, feelings… they’re always too complicated for his liking.

“...I wanted to ask something.”

Gotak’s eyes widen. “Really? About what?”

Sieun’s lips pull into a thin line as he tries to figure out the words to describe it all. As soon as he opens his mouth, it all tumbles out, a little messy and disorganized. It’s almost uncanny because he’s always done quite well in choosing what he says.

“Yesterday, there was a girl. I have no idea who she is but she was talking to Suho and she was being really friendly.”

Baku gasps dramatically. “And?”

Sieun sighs and looks down at his lap. “Suho smiled at her and… she was really close to him. But then she left shortly after. It was a quick interaction but it still bothered me.” He looks back up with a frown. “I don’t know what the feeling is.”

There’s a moment of silence.

His two friends look at each other with growing smiles and sparkly eyes. Then, in sync, they turn back towards Sieun.

“You’re jealous,” Gotak states and Baku nods in immediate agreement.

“What?” Sieun blinks. Suddenly, the room feels too hot, too stuffy. “No, I’m not.”

Yet again, in perfect sync, they give him a doubtful look. “Yes, you are.”

Sieun narrows his eyes. He glances between them, searching for any hint of them joking. They’re always joking around, so how come they’re perfectly serious right now? In a desperate attempt to save himself, he reasons that well, they aren’t the brightest people. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked for their advice in the first place. Maybe, they’re wrong.

He hopes.

He mutters a simple “okay” before getting up and walking away, ignoring the giggles that erupt from them.

The next person Sieun finds is Juntae. He’s great at reading emotions, always noticing when people feel down. He’ll know.

He finds him sitting on the nearby steps outside. The breeze ruffles his hair as he’s focused on his phone, earphones on and his tongue sticking out slightly. Sieun huffs fondly and silently takes a seat next to him.

Juntae notices his presence almost immediately and takes his earphones off, looking at him with surprise. “Sieun? What’s up?” He smiles brightly.

Sieun sighs, turning to look out into the distance. He shakes his head. “Nothing much. What are you doing?”

“Me? Oh!” Juntae laughs bashfully to himself. He points at his phone and Sieun can see the slight reddening of his ears. “I’m– I’m making a playlist for Tak-ah… But don’t tell him that. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

Sieun nods. “Then can I ask you something?”

“Sure!” Juntae turns to him, giving him his full, undivided attention.

Sieun takes a deep breath and proceeds to explain again. This time, his words are more organized and they make more sense. He chooses what he says carefully, trying to be as clear as possible. Maybe then, the answer will be different from what the others said.

Juntae listens intently, nodding along with what he’s saying. Sieun feels a sense of relief wash over him at the sight. Juntae’s fully understanding. Which means–

“Ah…” He breathes. “You’re jealous, Sieunnie.”

Sieun’s breath catches in his throat. His mouth closes and he exhales soon after.

So it is that.

He tries not to let it show–the horror he feels, the guilt that creeps up like stubborn vines. His jaw clenches slightly as he just says, “Okay. Thanks.” He gets up, his legs a little shaky as he begins walking down the path. But then, Juntae calls out to him, his voice laced with worry and kindness.

“Wait! I… I know it’s not my place to pry or anything, but… if it’s really bothering you, I think it’s best that you two talk it out.” Sieun listens with his back still turned. Juntae continues, “he probably doesn’t know what you’re feeling.”

Sieun turns around and gives Juntae a weak, appreciative smile. “Thanks, Juntae.”

Sieun’s shoulders are stiff as he walks. He looks down at his feet, kicking at a pebble until he loses track of it.

Jealousy…

If it really is that, then he shouldn’t be feeling it.

Greed is a selfish thing. He’s asking for too much.

So what if there was someone else asking to share Suho’s love? Suho’s heart is large. That’s one of the main reasons why Sieun fell for him in the first place. It’s always been so, so easy for Suho to give him affection, whether it be through kind words of reassurance, jokes to make him smile, or the umbrella he buys for Sieun after seeing that it’s going to rain tomorrow.

But with such a large heart, that means that the love that he can give is not just for Sieun. Suho brightens the world like no other. He has the capability to make people smile, laugh, make them forget their pains.

Sieun lacks that ability. He’s been alone almost all of his life. His parents–their hearts were small. They couldn’t give love to each other, and they couldn’t give love to their own son. And sometimes, when Sieun looks in the mirror, he’s reminded of his parents.

So isn’t it greedy? Isn’t it selfish?

He asks for so much, but it’s difficult to give it back. Suho gives him so much already. He pays attention to Sieun like no other, memorizing when he feels uncomfortable or sad. And he always knows just what to do when it happens. He works extra shifts just to give Sieun gifts that he doesn’t ask for but still treasures. He peppers kisses all over his face, even when Sieun’s too shy, too hesitant to give him even one.

Too much, Sieun thinks. I want too much from him.

He doesn’t deserve to be jealous.

Sieun keeps on walking until he reaches the restaurant where Suho’s just finishing up his shift. He’s about to walk in when the door swings open and Suho walks out, wiping the top of his forehead with a towel. Sieun’s eyes widen and his gaze follows the large boxes that he must have been carrying. And without much control, his gaze falls to Suho’s arms. He’s gotten much stronger over the months and it’s become quite the distraction.

“Oh! Sieun-ah!” He waves excitedly with a bright, lovely smile. He walks over eagerly and he’s about to pull Sieun into a hug but he stops himself. “Ah… I’m a bit–” He glances down at his clothes and the towel in his hand that he’d just used to wipe his sweat. “I just finished working so–”

Sieun shakes his head and grabs his wrist, tugging him slightly, just to give him a hint. Suho grins, understanding immediately as he leans forward, wrapping a strong arm around him. Sieun smiles, and to him, it really doesn’t matter if Suho smells like sweat or of a restaurant filled with the aroma of grilled meat and oil. He melts into the hug either way. He tries not to think about the thoughts of greediness and selfishness that tries to invade his mind, buzzing insistently.

The arm falls down to the waist and Sieun gulps, glancing around. It’s late after all, so thankfully, there’s no one around. The waist-holding is a new thing that came after they started dating, yet it never fails to make Sieun’s stomach erupt with butterflies.

“How’ve you been?” Suho asks, swaying him from side to side, admiring his face fondly.

“Good. I just studied.” Lies. He also found out that he was being stupidly jealous today. But, Sieun doesn’t mention that.

“Mmm,” Suho hums, eyes softening. “How’d it go?”

Sieun is silent for a moment as he thinks. He could simply answer that it went well. But, he’s trying to talk more with Suho, to open up to him more. He’s always mentioned how he can trust him with anything, big or small. It could be something bothering him, or it could be random things that he wants to ramble about. Suho always assures him that he’ll listen.

And so, Sieun speaks just a little more as he says, “I finally made sense of the chapter I was having trouble with. So, I think I’ll be ready for the exam, but I’ll probably review again tomorrow at the library.” He freezes, stopping himself when he notices the utter adoration and fondness in Suho’s gaze as he listens to him. He’s nodding along with a soft smile and it makes Sieun feel like a shy mess.

“I see,” Suho breathes. He drops the towel on the ground, now taking his free hand to brush through Sieun’s bangs. “I’m so proud of you, baby. You always work so hard, hm?” His voice is warm and caring, which only makes Sieun’s heart pound more.

“You…” He flushes as he glances back at the restaurant, always busy no matter the day. “You do too.”

Suho hums with a nod. “That’s nothing. I admire you, Sieun-ah. But you took rests too, right?”

Sieun nods silently, trying to ignore the pounding in his ears. Suddenly, the arm around his waist feels almost suffocating. It’s not Suho’s fault though. Not at all. It’s him. He feels like he’s taking too much, asking for too much again.

“Well… even though you’re studying again tomorrow, can I still come with you?” Suho asks with a slight pout.

Sieun huffs. “As long as you don’t distract me too much.”

“No promises.” And then Suho smiles and it’s radiant. Sieun watches with admiration. No wonder his heart is so big. No wonder he has so much love he can give. He’s so lovely.

And suddenly, Suho glances around before pressing a quick kiss to Sieun’s cheek. Sieun splutters but he doesn’t protest, a small smile growing on his lips. But even then, that feeling of guilt returns.

Suho seems to notice the way his smile falls and how his body stiffens. He tilts his head with concern. “...you alright? Tired, again?”

“What? No.” But it’s much less convincing when Sieun can’t seem to breathe anymore, so he pries himself out of Suho’s hold.

Suho frowns, eyes softening. But, he doesn’t push it as he says, “Okay. You can always tell me anything, you know.”

Sieun pauses, glancing at him as he bites his lip, contemplating. He thinks back to Juntae’s advice from earlier, how it’d be better if he just tells him. But again, his chest fills with fear at the thought of doing so. Jealousy… it’s not justifiable. At least not for him. So, he keeps quiet as he follows Suho to his motorcycle.

They arrive at Sieun’s apartment soon after. His dad isn’t home, thankfully, and Suho makes sure to voice that by saying how he can’t wait to kiss Sieun all over without any rude interruptions.

Sieun washes up first and he finds himself now sitting on his bed, waiting for Suho to finish. Then, the door creaks open and he walks in. He still wears that worried frown and it’s evident that he hasn’t forgotten the way Sieun’s been acting earlier. Sieun swallows thickly and looks away, nervous.

He feels the bed dip next to him as Suho sits down.

“Sieun-ah,” he calls, his voice gentle and patient, which only makes Sieun’s guilt grow more.

“Hm?”

“What’s wrong? You know I can tell. Your eyes speak a lot.”

And right on cue, Sieun turns to look at Suho. He meets a kind, sweet, and attentive gaze, one that makes Sieun’s breath hitch.

“It’s nothing,” he says, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible. But, it’s hard to keep his mind from going back to the memory of her, that girl who was all over Suho when it should have been him. Suho, who had smiled at her when it should have been Sieun who should be the only one to see it. And now, he can’t seem to control the frown (pout?) that spreads on his lips.

It should only be me. He should be the only one to make Suho smile, make him laugh, touch him, hug and kiss him. The crease between his eyebrows only deepens, knowing that there are other people who desire to do the same.

Suho hums and leans in, his eyes searching Sieun’s face with a small smile. He even chuckles, seeming to find Sieun cute. “C’mon. You’re sulking now. You can tell me anything, hm?” He leans closer but Sieun grumbles and shies away. “Seriously, did I do something wrong?” Suho continues to push. “I’ll make it up to you, angel. Just tell me.”

“You didn’t–” Sieun sighs in defeat. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…” Suho nods encouragingly, reaching over and swiping his thumb across Sieun’s bottom lip.

“You’re pouting,” Suho whispers.

Sieun glares. “Let me speak.”

“Right,” Suho giggles. “I’m listening.”

Sieun stares at him for a moment before exhaling deeply. “I keep thinking about it. When you brought me out to do deliveries.”

Suho’s shoulders sink. “That? Is it because I tired you out? I promise, I won’t do it aga–”

“No,” Sieun interrupts. “You can…” He flushes. “You can take me out again. Whenever. I want to go.”

“Oh,” Suho breathes, eyes wide in pleasant surprise. “Then what happened?”

“That girl. She approached you and she was too close to you. And you smiled at her.” Sieun looks down at his lap, playing with his hands. “And it bothered me. That’s all.”

Suho’s silent for a bit. Sieun hesitantly glances up at him, only to find Suho smiling cheekily at him. His gaze is filled with so much love and admiration that it makes Sieun’s chest tighten.

“So… you’re jealous?”

Sieun nods slowly and he can feel his cheeks heat up quickly.

“Ah… Sieun-ah,” Suho whines as if the amount of feelings he’s experiencing is too overwhelming for him. “I didn’t know you’re the jealous type. This is–” He leans in, kissing Sieun softly. And it’s embarrassing how easily Sieun leans into it, even chasing after his lips. “–the best thing ever.”

Sieun breathes out shakily. They’re so close that he has to look between Suho’s eyes. “How?”

Suho laughs. He’s still leaning over Sieun, arm caging his body, pressing close as if he can’t get enough of him. “It makes you cuter. And… you already show how much you love me already but this is further proof. It makes me feel special.” He’s giggling now, kissing Sieun over and over again.

Sieun feels like his heart will practically escape his chest. He wasn’t expecting this at all. He didn’t think that Suho would be happy about him being jealous.

“You feel special… because I want you all to myself?” He blurts out.

Suho leans away just the slightest, seeming to be flustered now. He’s always adorably surprised whenever Sieun voices his affection like this. “Y-yes. That.”

Sieun nods with a slight twitch of his lips. “Whatever makes you happy.” And he can’t help but look away with a small sigh.

Suho hums, this time choosing to reach over to cup the side of his face, making him turn to him. His teasing expression has fallen and his features have softened into something more comforting, more warm. He swipes a thumb across Sieun’s bottom lip again.

“You’re pouting again.”

Sieun shakes his head weakly.

“Sieun-ah,” Suho whispers. “You know I only love you right? You’re always on my mind, even if some people try to get in the way.”

“I know,” Sieun answers with a quiet voice. “I trust you.”

Suho’s eyes widen and then he tilts his head like a puppy, confused. “Then what’s wrong, baby? You’re still sad.” His hands begin to move, the one resting on his face now caressing his cheek, his fingers brushing against skin behind his ear. His other hand finds the small of Sieun’s back, rubbing it up and down and Sieun feels like he might cry with how much gentle care Suho’s giving him, like he deserves it all.

But does he?

“I…” Sieun exhales. “I just don’t think I should be feeling jealous.”

“Why not?” Suho frowns. “It’s a normal thing.”

“I feel like I’m being selfish,” Sieun admits carefully. “And greedy,” he adds on with a whisper.

“Because you want all of my love for yourself?”

Sieun nods.

“And what’s wrong with that?” Suho asks.

His words are slower, careful now as if he really wants Sieun to understand. And then he says it–the words that make Sieun’s throat close up and eyes well up with tears.

“You deserve it all.”

Oh.

“I know you might feel like you don’t. But you do. And I know it can take a while to understand, but I promise, I’ll work hard to make you feel like you deserve it all. I could have shiploads of love and it’ll go to you, Sieun-ah. Every kiss, every touch, everything I do is for you because you’re deserving of it.”

And as Suho speaks, his hands are wandering. It’s so intimate, it’s so sweet, the way his hands run across Sieun’s sides, cup his face, tangle in his hair. Sieun feels his breath speed up at the sudden influx of touch, but his body relaxes, melts into it like Suho’s touch belongs to him.

Because it does.

And he’s starting to believe it.

“Suho-yah…” Sieun breathes, his voice cracking just the slightest which only makes Suho soften more.

He leans in and presses the softest, lightest kiss to the top of Sieun’s forehead. “Be jealous all you want, baby.” He grins. “You can even scold me if you want. Because all my love should go to you. I’m forever yours.”

Sieun laughs. “I won’t scold you.”

“But you could. I’d be into it—”

Sieun flushes and bats him away. Suho plays along, chuckling. But quickly, as if he can’t bear the distance, Sieun pulls him back in, this time for a hug. He rests his chin on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around him. He hears Suho let out a surprised sound before he returns it, arms resting on around his waist, his new favorite spot.

As he feels Suho breathe against him, his chest against his, his love being pushed to him as bright as a sunray, Sieun can’t contain the words that escape his lungs, breathed out as tender as a love letter written in his past life.

“I love you.”

Suho hums, pulling away to look at Sieun with a soft smile. “I love you too. Be greedy, angel. If you want more, I’ll find a way to give you more. If I’m not giving you enough, just let me know. Okay?”

Sieun blinks and a lone tear falls. Suho gently wipes it away, as he whispers a soft, “don’t cry.”

“Okay.”

Suho brightens and his smile is beautiful. “Okay? Happier now?”

Sieun nods with a sniffle. Suho narrows his eyes playfully. “But I’m not seeing it,” he sings. And then he starts pressing kisses all over Sieun’s face this time. He keeps on going, all the way until Sieun’s cheeks are red and warm and there’s a small smile tugging at his lips. Suho leans away, admiring the view before finishing off with a long, deep kiss, their lips meeting, full of wanting. “There’s my favorite smile,” Suho mumbles against his lips.

Sieun’s smile widens at that.

The next time Sieun feels jealous, it’s once again, an uncontrollable feeling.

They agreed to go to the library together so Sieun could study for his upcoming exam. Sieun knows he won’t get as much done with Suho being near him, cracking jokes, and flirting with him every chance he gets, but he doesn’t find himself complaining. It’s a breath of fresh air. Suho is.

During one of his study breaks, Suho suggests browsing the aisles just to stretch their legs. So they do, walking through them slowly. Sieun will occasionally point out a book that he found interesting and Suho will always listen to him, even if he has no idea what he’s talking about. Meanwhile, Suho pulls out cooking books, asking Sieun which recipe they should try next time.

They walk into another aisle, and there’s another man standing there. He seems to be about the same age as he flips through a book with a focused expression.

Suho’s still rambling about how he accidentally burned the new meal he was experimenting with, when Sieun looks up and sees that the man is now looking Suho up and down, clearly intrigued. When Suho makes himself laugh, that man starts smiling. He even closes his book out of interest, his gaze simply watching as Suho talks and talks.

Sieun’s eyebrows twitch and he steps forward as a poor attempt to block Suho from his view. But, since Suho’s annoyingly taller, the man continues to look past Sieun, ignoring him, and choosing to admire Suho.

Sieun’s jaw clenches and his eyes narrow.

You don’t even know him like I do. Why are you looking at him like that?

Sieun’s always been aware that Suho’s an attractive person. He’s handsome when he’s smiling, when he’s focused, when he kisses Sieun during their shared late nights. But, that doesn’t mean that someone else should be acknowledging that fact. Only he should be allowed to.

Suho’s still talking, his gaze focused only on Sieun. “Oh, and halmeoni wanted to know if you want to come over again–”

The man puts the book down, eyes sparkling. Then, he takes a small step forward and that’s enough for Sieun to snap and he turns, pulling Suho out of the aisle and pressing him against the nearby wall. Then, without taking another breath, he surges forward and kisses Suho deeply. Suho lets out a mix of a surprised hum and a satisfied moan.

Sieun stays there, moving his lips slowly, eyebrows furrowed and his chest burning with an enraged flame. He stays there until he hears a quiet, shocked gasp from behind him and hurried footsteps that quickly grow quieter. Once he’s sure that the man’s gone, that’s when Sieun leans away, panting softly. Suho’s breathing heavily as well as he stares down at Sieun, absolutely bewildered, his cheeks red.

Sieun meekly smooths down Suho’s wrinkled hoodie before stepping away, looking around to make sure there wasn’t anyone else who witnessed the scene. It was only really meant for that man after all. Sieun frowns, bitter at just the thought of him. With a huff, he turns around and continues back down the aisle, with Suho trailing after him like a lost puppy, utterly shocked.

“What– what was that?”

Sieun pauses. He turns around as he clears his throat, quickly coming up with a lie.

“You talk too much.”

Suho stares at him in complete disbelief. Then he laughs, unbelieving. “So you decided to kiss me in the middle of the library? No way–”

Sieun steps forward, leaning in teasingly. Suho shuts up almost immediately. Satisfied, Sieun turns back around and keeps on walking.

He reaches the table that he was just studying at and he takes a seat. Suho catches up soon after and that’s when he leans in, lips brushing against his earlobe. There, he whispers, “Can you do it again?”

Sieun inhales sharply and he pushes him away, flustered. Suho just chuckles as he rests his head, admiring Sieun as he begins to study again.

When they get home, Sieun takes off his shoes and accidentally sets his bag down a bit too harshly. Suho follows after him and just before Sieun escapes, he takes his wrist, pulling him back.

“Hey,” Suho calls as he looks down at Sieun with a knowing expression. “What actually happened back there?”

Sieun’s gaze hardens and Suho’s eyes sparkle at the sight. “Don’t tell me… were you jealous?”

And again, the string in Sieun’s chest snaps and he grabs Suho’s collar, pulling him back in, crashing their lips together. Suho’s lips part, easy and smooth, as if he was waiting for this and it only makes the possessiveness in Sieun grow. They stumble until Suho’s back hits the wall, just like last time, and that’s when Sieun presses closer, hands fumbling clumsily and heavily all over Suho, running through his hair and down his nape.

Suho, the one who usually initiates the kissing and the one who always tugs Sieun closer to his body, now seems to struggle to keep up. He lets out groans and whines as Sieun kisses him, barely parting for air. Sieun’s tongue swipes across his bottom lip and Suho quickly grants him access, allowing him to lick into his mouth before sucking on his bottom lip.

When Sieun parts and begins to aim for the spot on his jaw, that’s when Suho stops him, chest heaving, pupils dilated, and cheeks flushed.

“You didn’t answer me,” he breathes.

Sieun looks up at him and he bites his lip. Then, slowly, he nods.

Suho exhales shakily. Then, his lips pull into a smile and he laughs. It’s not in a mocking way. No, it’s more of in an admiring, pleasantly surprised way. “That’s– you’re…” Then, the world shifts as Suho takes Sieun’s shoulders, turning them around, and this time it’s him pinning Sieun to the wall. His smile falls and his gaze darkens, landing on Sieun’s reddened, slick lips. “Baby,” he whispers.

Sieun looks up at him, his heart pounding, heat pooling downwards. “What?”

“You’re hot when you’re jealous. Did you know that?”

“I–”

And now it’s Suho’s turn to kiss Sieun heavily. He presses even closer than they were before and Sieun lets out a soft moan when he feels the strong thigh being pressed in between his legs. Suho kisses him like he’s trying to show him just how aroused he’s become and it’s working. It’s working so much that Sieun starts to feel lightheaded but he makes no move to stop. Instead, he tilts his head more, wraps his arms around Suho’s neck, bucks his hips against the firm muscle of Suho’s thigh and asks for more.

Because after Suho told him that night that he has the right to be selfish and greedy, Sieun can’t stop himself from wanting, craving more. He can be jealous, and Suho enjoys it. And that’s enough for Sieun to whine in between kisses, to breathe out soft pleas, whisper “Suho-yah” over and over, testing his resolve until Suho loses his composure and leads him to the couch.

They don’t stop kissing, not when Suho sits down, pulling Sieun into his lap, not even when Sieun hurriedly takes off Suho’s hoodie, leaving him in a tight white shirt where his hands roam across his chest. Their lips meet again and again, sliding in a hurried rhythm. Their bodies feel like they’re burning, their breathing heavy as they kiss like there’s no possible way to stop.

Then, Sieun can’t help but grind down and Suho groans, his hands flying to his waist, gripping it tightly. And that–that act of possessiveness is what makes Sieun’s whole body fill up with determination and he grinds down again, seeking more friction. Suho breaks the kiss just to moan out, “S-Sieun-ah–”

But Sieun doesn’t care. His hands leave Suho’s chest and they find Suho’s hands that are still resting on his waist. Suho looks up at him questioningly, panting softly. Sieun swallows and he gazes at him with heavy eyes, lips caught between his teeth.

“Mine,” he whispers.

Suho chokes. “What did you say?”

Sieun’s hips buck up again and he falls forward with a shudder, bracing himself on Suho’s broad shoulders this time. There, he leans close to Suho’s ear, whining out, “you’re mine, Suho-yah.”

Suho lets out a guttural moan at that and now it’s his turn for his hips to buck upward, meeting him halfway. Sieun breathes out heavily, grip tightening on his shoulders as he begins to lose himself in the pleasure. Both of them are hard now and the friction is so, so good that their eyes flutter shut and the only sounds they can hear are each other’s moans, whines, and soft pleas.

Suho’s hands tighten around Sieun’s waist, pulling him closer. And then he whispers, “I’m yours.”

Sieun groans at that and his hips stutter. “Suho-yah,” he moans, feeling like he’s losing his mind. “Ah– mmh…”

Suho seems to be just as lost in it as he moans, his hips bucking up uncontrollably. “Yours,” he breathes. “I’m yours, Sieun-ah. I–”

Sieun whines, biting his lip. He pulls away to kiss Suho roughly. And even though they both lean into it, their hips never stop moving, never ceasing to seek that delicious friction. Sieun’s stomach twists and tightens and he lets out a soft whimper. Suho breaks the kiss to look him in the eyes.

“Sieun-ah, are you–”

“I’m– I can’t–” Sieun moans. His thrusts become faster, rougher, as he chases after his high. He completely forgets his surroundings, doesn’t pay attention to Suho staring up at him in utter wonder, his lips parted, eyes halfway closed in pleasure. He doesn’t pay attention to the slight creak of the couch and the sweat that beads down the side of his neck. Instead, he focuses on the growing pleasure that consumes in, the soft cries of “please” and “Suho-yah” that fight their way out of his throat, and the tight, firm grip of Suho’s hands on his waist.

And then his whole body seizes up as he comes. He weakly thrusts, riding it out before he pants, falling forward tiredly. His eyes peek open and he looks down to see that Suho’s chest is heaving and he’s still hard.

Then, he looks up and sees that Suho’s looking at him with the prettiest, fondest look ever. Suho leans up and kisses him softly, a gentle contrast to the rough movements of before.

“You’re amazing, Sieun-ah,” he whispers with a smile.

Sieun flushes and he looks away. It’s then that reality all comes down to him. He must have absolutely lost his mind back there. He’s brought right back into it when he glances down. “But you didn’t…”

Suho hums. “It’s okay, baby. I don’t need–”

But Sieun’s already getting off his lap and kneeling down. Suho lets out a shaky breath at the sight and Sieun can’t help the small smile that grows on his lips. He nudges Suho’s thighs apart while he never takes his gaze of him.

“Sieun-ah…” Suho whispers in astonishment. “You’re really–”

“Yes,” Sieun says as his eyes darken. “Because only I can do this. No one else.”

Suho’s breath hitches. Jealous Sieun may just be the death of him.