Chapter Text
Sometimes, he wishes he’d never met Robin Scherbatsky.
It wasn’t a very serious wish. In the back of his mind, Barney understands that his life would be very different had she not been in it. For example, he would never have had Ellie. His daughter who he sees two days a week and every other weekend. Logically, he knows the odds of raising a child with a one-night stand were slim. But still, he wishes for a life where he doesn’t have to watch his daughter walk away on Thursday mornings with her overnight bag slung over her shoulder. Apparently, her mother got married. Ellie refers to her stepfather a lot. He wishes for that life, even though he knows he never would’ve had it with Robin. And he was always okay with that. He’s okay now, with his daughter. He wouldn’t give that up.
No, Barney wishes he’d never met Robin when he hears that she and Ted are back together, and his stomach twists with a familiar burst of jealousy. Seeing them together breaks his heart, and he tries not to be selfish, he really does, but Robin had changed him in a way he didn’t know he could be changed. She opened him up to the prospect of love. He still remembers that bus crashing into him, when he’d still been thinking about Ted in the back of his mind, but suddenly all he could think about was her. Her hair, her eyes, her smile. And the feeling of her lips against his. Before, he hadn’t remembered many girls, but he remembered her. Everything you love, Marshall had said. And Robin wasn’t everything he loved then, and she certainly isn’t now. But he can’t forget about her.
He tries to stay away as much as possible when Ted and Robin get back together. There was barely a group anyway, anymore. Ted had withdrawn after Tracy’s death, and gotten closer to Robin eventually. And Barney stayed closed to Marshall and Lily - their parenting advice was superb, and besides that, they were the ones who had hurt him the least. Marshall doesn’t pick up on it - but Lily does, and she shows up one night, saying, “You still have feelings for Robin.” Well, she always was able to read him like a book. He tries to deny it for a few minutes, but Lily immediately has him sitting down on his couch. “You know I was always rooting for you guys, right?” she says kindly.
Barney shrugs a little helplessly. “What can I do now, anyway?”
“Wait,” Lily says confidentially. “Between you and me, Ted and Robin have never worked before, and I doubt they’ll work out now.”
Maybe she’s right. Barney gets a call one night, a couple months later, from Robin, her voice sounding distraught. “Barney?” she says. “It’s me. I think we need to talk. You’re the only one I can talk to.”
“Of course,” he says. “What’s up?”
She sighs a little. “I don’t think I can do this.”
No, he thinks, he can’t wish he never met Robin Scherbatsky. Not even for a second.