Work Text:
Lu Guang watched the bullet pierce Cheng Xiaoshi's side, blood spewing out before it became a steady stream. He watched Cheng Xiaoshi realize that he was shot as he held his side and collapsed into the dim red like a ocean. In the moment Lu Guang's mind went through his memories with this Cheng Xiaoshi, how he laughed and made Lu Guang feel alive, how his smile was the one thing that kept him going in his mission of keeping the other alive. He couldn’t save him, all of them died. He felt like screaming, he always did but he just looked at the man he'd try to save over and over again but never succeeded in doing so. He grabbed Cheng Xiaoshi's hand.
He rushed to the fallen body of Cheng Xiaoshi, his own body feeling cold like ice, like he had been drained of his blood. "Cheng Xiaoshi!" He yelled. He saw Cheng Xiaoshi cough up his own blood, he looked like he was going to choke on it. He thought about how Cheng Xiaoshi first passed that cursed basketball to him and how Lu Guang could never untie the red string keeping them together even if he wanted to try. Lu Guang had dived so much he barely remembered his own age; he might've been in his fifties; he wasn't sure, maybe forties. Lu Guang wouldn't break their trust, he would bring Cheng Xiaoshi back again, he would do anything to keep him breathing even if it meant the world would end even if Cheng Xiaoshi hated him. If he died and Cheng Xiaoshi lived he'd be happy. Cheng Xiaoshi would never let him be the one who died, he was too kind, too good.
He felt the blood on his hands, Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes were open, he looked so tired like he just wanted to pass on but he looked like Lu Guang was the only thing keeping him alive. "Cheng Xiaoshi, stay with me." Lu Guang begged, holding his hand and praying to whatever deities would listen, they never answered despite his endless prayers. “I'm…sorry.” Cheng Xiaoshi said barely audible, Lu Guang screamed, his voice raw and almost bloody specks of blood came out of his mouth as he coughed. everything felt tainted with blood, with death. His lungs felt empty from the effort. It didn't sound like a sound a human could make, his shirt was soaked with dark drops of blood and tears.
Then Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes were dead, empty but still open, his golden brown eyes weren't full of life anymore; it was like a fake, without a soul. Cheng Xiaoshi was so special, if anyone deserved to live it was him. Lu Guang always wondered why he was the one who lived, he killed just in the name of keeping Cheng Xiaoshi alive. Lu Guang shook his body hoping he would desperately sit up and say it was some prank, that Lu Guang wouldn't have to make another timeline; save the boy he loved again, but he would do it again.
"When I pass this ball to you, it means I put my trust in you." Lu Guang recalled when Cheng Xiaoshi first threw the ball at him. He held Cheng Xiaoshi's body and sobbed, his eyes stung, he couldn't barely see in the dimly lit red room where photographs were developed, memories were frozen in time. He felt like puking, bile rose in his throat but he swallowed it down. His throat felt slick with tears closing up, he gripped Cheng Xiaoshi's still warm hand, his cold eyes staring up at him. Cheng Xiaoshi was dead, he always did die, Lu Guang could never save him, he couldn't stop trying either. He could never let him go. He was a figment in every facet of his life.
“Cheng Xiaoshi, please.” He choked out, his voice hoarse. "Don't leave me again." He whispered like a prayer, like a child begging to keep something it desperately wanted and needed like it was a life force. Cheng Xiaoshi couldn't die, he was full of life, always laughing, always smiling, he was a good thing in a world of horrible things; he was too fragile for the world like a piece of glass, like a memory, tainted by time. He breathed out, everytime Cheng Xiaoshi died it never got easier, everytime he died it felt like a part of Lu Guang was being ripped out as well. His jaw was tight against his teeth, if he was breathing Cheng Xiaoshi could look alive. Lu Guang's hands and arms were covered in the warm sticky blood of Cheng Xiaoshi. The whole room smelt like copper.
Lu Guang just noticed how Cheng Xiaoshi was laying in his own blood, looking paler than a human should ever be. Cheng Xiaoshi was the sun, someone bright like him couldn't die. He always did. "I'll see you soon." He told Cheng Xiaoshi before standing up, covered in blood as he walked to his room to save Cheng Xiaoshi again. He had been there for a full hour he realized as he glanced at his watch, it felt like an eternity and yet only a short second, a lifetime. “I'm sorry Cheng Xiaoshi, I will save you this time.”
He woke up with a gasp, his mind covered in the images of the dead Cheng Xiaoshi, he looked at his hands, he wasn't covered in blood, he wasn't crying. His pillow was soft and it was chilly in his room, his blanket heavy against his body. He took a deep breath and stood up to confirm that it was just another one of his nightmares. He walked out into the hallway and opened Cheng Xiaoshi's room. He looked into the other's bedroom, his chest was rising and falling, he wasn't covered in his own blood, he looked at peace; he was alive and maybe this one would stay alive. He stood there for a moment, Cheng Xiaoshi was alive and it rang like a mantra in his head.