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Josh knew he shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be standing outside her door. Outside the door of the girl who got his sisters killed. The door of the girl who probably hated him. The door of the girl who he had broken apart the relationship of. The girl he should hate the most yet when it came to his plans to torture them psychologically at the lodge his plan for her had been the least severe. And that was why he was here. Why he was standing outside the door of her apartment after they ruined each other’s lives.
He was selfish and he was cruel. That’s why he was here. But the true question was about who his cruelness was for. The girl who he’d incidentally fucked over physicallly and mentally, or himself. The boy she ruined. The boy who would never be looked at the same by the people he cared the most about. His best friends. His family.
No, she took his family from him. She took his baby sisters from him. She deserved cruel. That is why he was here. That’s what he made himself believe. Even if he knew it wasn’t true.
That’s why he was knocking on the door. That’s why blue eyes were looking into his. That’s why he was stepping through her doorway and she was closing the door behind him. That’s why he was running his hands through blonde hair. That’s why his fingers were trailing over soft and scarred skin all the same.
She was a murderer who had gotten his sisters to both meet fates worse than death. Yet, she was the one he was holding closer than anyone else before. She was the one he was leaving a trail of kisses over every bit of her flesh. She was the one he had done this dance with a thousand times before.
Before the caves and the running and the terror. Before the revenge of fear that was only supposed to be man-made. Before the trip where she had murdered his sisters. Before all of that, they had done this. Before Mike and Jess had been an ‘item’. Before Chris had teased Josh about maybe asking out Sam because they were “so obvious” as Chris had always put it.
So obvious, yet never obvious enough for anyone to question Josh and Jess. No one questioned the clear jealousy radiating from Josh everytime a guy would flirt with her. No one questioned the very annoyed look Jess would always make whenever Chris joked about Josh and Sam. No one questioned how the two would flirt whenever they were around each other. No one even dared to question what they did when they were alone.
But, hey, no one ever questioned them then, and they hardly care now. They could hardly care if one of their friends were to walk in on them right now. The deranged psychopath and the manipulative bitch. A perfect match if Josh did say so himself.
This had always been how they worked. He was unhealthy and obsessed. She was manipulative and needed to be needed. He was perfect prey for a physically perfect predator. Inside, in their heads, they were one in the same. Deranged and obsessive. The difference was that they expressed that differently.
Jess was quiet when it came to things like this. Quiet but violent and vicious. He was hers and she would make damn sure you knew. Josh was loud, when it came to anything, really. He was obsessed with Jess. If someone didn’t know who the two of them were and they were to stumble into Josh’s room when he was unprepared they’d likely think he was stalking her.
Chris used to complain about how Josh had more photos with her than him. But, Chris’ complaints never tended to last that long, seeing as how he still covered the two when he was asked. Chris was probably the only one with enough intelligence to notice how Jess and Josh acted. How they would flirt far more than they would flirt with the rest of their friends. How their flirting was always far more serious and common than with anyone else.
Facts like these now drove Josh insane. The facts that still haunted Josh a year after he had lost his sisters. A year after the girl he considered the love of his life stole them from him. A year after she had ended their relationship in tears and sobs, muttering Beth’s name every so often. A year after Josh had watched Jess sob and pour her heart out at their memorial service. She had spoken a few words for Hannah but her speech had always been for Beth.
Beth. The only reason Jess and Josh knew each other. The only reason Beth had known and befriended Emily and Matt. Beth. Jess’ best friend and Josh’s baby sister. The girl who had made Josh smile when his disorder got bad. The girl who would always laugh her ass off as Jess made and watched someone’s life burn just for upsetting her slightly. Beth, who Jess had incidentally ruined with her cruelty.
Jess’ cruelty. The cruelty that made Josh laugh and strive to have it aimed at himself. The cruelty that Josh was now using as a weapon against himself. Her kisses were knives slashing against his skin. Her nails trailing across his back were a stab to his heart and soul over and over.
He almost flinched each and every time his skin passed over her scars. The scars that he may not have caused on purpose, but those scars were still his fault. The scars that had consumed his every waking thought from the second he first saw them covering her skin. And now, those scars are all he could feel.
He had lost his jacket at some point. He didn’t know when, nor did he care. They had moved to Jess’ bedroom. A bedroom Josh had been to before. A bedroom he had slept in before. A bedroom they had slept in before. And for the first time in over a year, Josh felt home.