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It was a ceremonious day. The day that Honghong-er had been trained for since birth. He was finally ready to offer himself up to Lord Jun Wu, the supreme emperor. He was dressed in the customary silk black robes that every initiate wore. His long black hair had been combed to silky smoothness. His neck was adorned with an iron collar that marked him as a gift to the emperor. There were fourteen divots in the metal that signified his age. His skin had been rubbed perfectly clean and smooth and he had been fasting for two nights now.
As he made his slow walk towards the dais he thought about all that had prepared him for this day. He remembered being wrenched out of bed as a child and shaken awake in the middle of the night to train.
"Don't get used to sleeping soundly! The Emperor can call on you at any time." The Preceptors had told him.
Therefore, it must've been by the age of seven that Honghong-er had gotten used to being half asleep. Even when he rested his eyes, he would wake at the tiniest noise.
He had learned to do his tasks quickly and efficiently. His body was limber and steady. He was skinny, but not overly so. His muscles just small enough that they didn't show. The Emperor had very specific tastes he was told. No mistakes would ever be tolerated once he was initiated.
"You should consider yourself lucky! If you had done this in front of the Emperor you would've been beheaded!" One of the Preceptors had yelled as he beat Honghong-er for spilling a cup of water.
There had been many such instances. It was disallowed to speak out of turn, disallowed to slouch, disallowed to make faces. They were always to be the picture of perfect serenity. Seen and not heard. Honghong-er had struggled more than some of the others with things like that and his palms and soles were always bruised as a result. It only took a year of that kind of treatment for him to learn.
But, the hardest part of his training had happened just last month. The final step, he had been told. The Preceptor had led him into a small isolated courtyard and asked him to lay down in the middle. Honghong-er had no reason to distrust the Preceptor. This man had taken care of him for so long, trained him so well. But, he had felt a little nervous at the unfamiliar situation.
"Preceptor... what are we doing?" Honghong-er asked politely.
The Preceptor climbed on top of him and caressed his cheek. "We have to cut out any impurities before you see the Emperor. You wouldn't want to show his lord something ugly right?"
Honghong-er nodded his head. He would never want to disappoint the Emperor. That would be humiliating.
The Preceptor pulled out a thin blade. "Open your eyes wide."
Honghong-er obeyed and the Preceptor lowered the blade to his right eye. Honghong-er stilled, holding his breath as his heart thumped wildly in his chest. The blade slowly touched his eye and Honghong-er shut his eyes on instinct alone.
The Preceptor tsked and slapped him soundly across the face. "Don't disobey. Open your eyes!"
Honghong-er's breathing became erratic and tears welled up in his eyes. But, he had to obey. He was trained to obey. He wiped away the tears and used his fingers to hold his eye open, knowing they would shut again if he didn't.
The Preceptor looked displeased but he continued, lowering the blade to his right eye and piercing through the bottom. Honghong-er wanted to scream, but he would be punished for it. He bit his lip bloody, willing himself to be still. The Preceptor shifted his weight so he was sitting firmly on Honghong-er chest and he could not move. This, he felt, was a small mercy, otherwise he would've been thrashing about.
He felt the cold blade sliding further in and he felt blood or tears or both sliding down his face. His whole face was throbbing with a numb aching pain and his eye felt like it was on fire. The Preceptor continued slowly, carving into his eye and suddenly Honghong-er could not see and he wanted desperately to push this man away and run. Where could he go? Maybe he could kill himself, it would be easier.
And then the weight from his chest was lifted and Honghong-er immediately keeled over clutching his face with trembling hands, blood slicking over them. The pain was so unbearable, Honghong-er felt his consciousness waning. His entire body felt cold and he threw up what little he had in his stomach for he hadn't eaten yet, his entire body convulsing at the effort.
Then he felt rough hands grab his hair and pull his head back. "You're too noisy." A cloth or something was pressed to his eye. "You're making a mess."
Then the voice of another Preceptor joined the conversation. "We'll need to burn him. Bring him over here."
Honghong-er was pulled up to his feet by his hair. His entire body was shaking and he couldn't walk. He was pushed forward until he was allowed to collapse, somewhere else in the courtyard he assumed. And then he heard the sound of heavy metal and felt the heat near his face.
"Move your hands!" they commanded and Honghong-er dropped his hands, sniffling and crying and trying desperately to rein in his screams.
Then he heard a sizzling sound and pain erupted on his skin and he was actually on fire. The metal cauterizing his fresh wound. The smell of burning flesh was overwhelming and Honghong-er's consciousness faded to black.
When he had awoken, he was back in the sleeping quarters and his head had been wrapped in bandages. His eye, or lack thereof, had throbbed and he had felt like throwing up again. He had developed a fever that took him two weeks to break. And once he had recovered enough to remove the bandages he had been given an eye-patch to wear over the now empty space on his face.
Honghong-er gently touched the eyepatch now as he walked. He felt oddly proud of it. He had known that his right eye, which had been an uncanny red color and blood-shot was ugly. He had been told it so many times. And it had been a source of some insecurity. He had certainly worried about what the Emperor would say about it. But, now he need not worry. He was beautiful again as long as he wore the eye patch.
He was finally in view of the dais. Supreme Emperor Jun Wu sat there, ever the perfect picture of power and he was surprisingly handsome. Honghong-er shuffled forward, head bowed and arms folded as he had been taught his whole life. As soon as he reached the foot of the throne he knelt and bowed until his forehead touched the cold stone floor.
"Rise." The Emperor's voice was loud and booming.
Honghong-er rose quickly and stood at attention, eyes still focused on the ground.
"Turn."
He turned slowly. The Emperor wanted to inspect him.
The Emperor made a sound of satisfaction. "Come here."
Honghong-er stepped forward. Jun Wu reached out his hand and he took it gingerly. Then the Emperor pulled him forward, a hand wrapping around his waist until he was seated in the lap of this all-powerful man. Honghong-er didn't dare make eye contact and he could feel his heart beating.
Jun Wu's hands clasped his face and turned it to inspect.
"What shall we call you?" Jun Wu pondered for a moment, "Hua Cheng."
He had received a name. This was the highest honor and it meant that the Emperor had accepted him. He would be promoted into the leagues of the Emperor's personal servants. This is what he had trained for all of his life and relief flooded him even as his body remained tense at being so close to this idolized and ethereal figure.
Then Jun Wu pushed him off casually and spoke to a nearby attendant. "Prepare him for tonight."
With that Hua Cheng was led away from the dais and towards a part of the imperial palace he had never seen before. The ornamentation in this part of the palace was much grander and finer than any he had ever seen. Every detail ornately carved, the finest filigree finishes, the most detailed paintings. It was a show of opulence and prosperity.
Before he could take it all in, the attendant was showing him a room. The room was small, with only a mattress, table, and lamp inside. But, it was his own. Hua Cheng had never had his own room before. He entered the room, thanking the attendant.
"Someone will be by to collect you for this evening." The look of pity he received from the lady did not go unnoticed. Nervousness settled in his stomach and he felt suddenly restless. He knew something of what would happen tonight. He knew, of course, he would be serving the Emperor. He knew also that this required a pure body and mind. He had been trained on specific massage techniques, which he now rifled through in his mind. He knew he would most likely spend the night in the Emperor's chamber. Beyond that, he knew not what to expect. In fact, there were many questions that had gone unanswered in the days leading up to today. But, Hua Cheng knew that he would find out soon, he need only bide his time.
The sun set and Hua Cheng was almost bouncing off the walls in anticipation. He steeled himself, reminding himself to remain calm. Reminding himself about all the training he had endured. Reminding himself that he had been chosen, that he was deserving of this honor.
Someone outside announced themselves and the door slid open. "Come with me Xiao Hua," the elderly man held out a red lamp and gestured for the boy to follow.
Hua Cheng dutifully followed. The old man seemed kind and knowledgeable, and he walked slowly. "Listen to me Xiao Hua. You may feel frightened or uncomfortable, but you must not scream or run. Remember the man before you is the Supreme Emperor."
Hua Cheng bowed slightly in acknowledgement. He knew, of course, it was the Emperor he was going to serve. He knew also that he should never scream or run, that it was unbecoming. He did not know why the old man warned him of being frightened or uncomfortable.
The man gave him a pitying look, so similar to that of the attendant from before. He sighed, "Xiao Hua, I know they have not told you what will really happen tonight. I am sorry. But, no matter what, please endure it. I will come collect you in the morning."
Hua Cheng really could not imagine what the man spoke of. It couldn't be worse than having his eye removed. He had already endured so much in preparation, the rest was supposed to be easy. But, Hua Cheng was not foolish. He heeded the old man's words and thanked him for them. And just in time they reached the ornate doors that led to the Emperor's quarters.
The old man pushed them open, revealing a room that was incredibly large and well furnished. At the center of it all, was a four poster bed, filled with fluffy and luxurious looking pillows and sheets.
The old man bowed to Hua Cheng, which made him feel awkward. "His majesty will be here soon."
Hua Cheng entered the room and stood in front of the bed facing the doors. He would wait here patiently for the Emperor to arrive. As he waited, checking and rechecking his posture, he fiddled with the ends of his sleeves nervously. He hoped that everything would go as he imagined and he hoped the Emperor would be satisfied. He hoped also that the old man's warnings were unwarranted.
All these thoughts left him immediately as the the door swung open with a bang. It startled Hua Cheng and he could feel his heart in his ears, even though he hadn't screamed, thankfully. He felt jittery and struggled to calm down as the shadowy figure illuminated only by the dim lanterns of the hall and the moonlight in the room sauntered unsteadily forward. The smell of liquor was unmistakable.
And then Hua Cheng began to understand the situation he had been put in. This was not the Supreme Emperor. At least, not the one of legend, worshipped by all. This was a man or a beast with desires befitting the title.
The shadow came forward and held Hua Cheng's hair tenderly in his hand, leaning forward, the insipid scent of drink on his breath. "Take off your robes."
The command had been given and it must be obeyed. The man stepped back and watched Hua Cheng with ravenous eyes, a cruel grin on his face.
Hua Cheng's hands undid his belt. He felt shaky, but he willed himself to be still, to be graceful, just like he'd been taught. Soon the robes slipped off him to the floor, revealing his body, young and untouched and with only the faintest of scars and blemishes.
"Good," Jun Wu arched a brow. He seemed to Hua Cheng more like a drooling dog over a plate of food than a man or a god. "Get on the bed."
The air was cold and Hua Cheng felt self-conscious about his exposed state. Still he willed himself to move as gracefully as he could. The Preceptors' faces flashed in his mind, reminding him that he must be perfect. He sat on the bed, legs folded neatly under him and hands placed delicately on his thighs. Then Jun Wu climbed in as well, stripping his own robes as he did.
He laid down and caressed Hua Cheng's cheek. His hands were hot and sweaty. A sinking feeling entered Hua Cheng's body. He wanted to slap the offending hand away. But he wouldn't dare. His body wanted to run, but his mind kept him firmly rooted. His mind was a traitor; it forced him to smile at the man who pretended to be a god as his hands roamed.
"Get me a pipe," Jun Wu gestured absently to a cabinet. Hua Cheng immediately rose and went towards it, happy for the distance, agitated by the task.
As he searched for the pipe, the bowl, and the lamp, Jun Wu shifted on the bed laying comfortably on his back against the pillows.
Hua Cheng brought the pipe and it's paraphernalia over swiftly. This pipe was made of ivory, a rare material Hua Cheng had only ever heard whispers of. The bowl was of a bright green jade, and the scent of the oil in the lamp was sweet and floral.
Jun Wu took the pipe, lighting it and began breathing in the heady narcotic. "Put your hands to work."
Hua Cheng obeyed. He oiled his hands just as he'd been shown and moved to the end of the bed to massage the man's feet. He put all his focus and concentration into this task so that he could ignore the forced intimacy and the twisting in his stomach. He would've stayed there forever, massaging feet until his hands fell off. But, it was obvious Jun Wu wanted more, and the Emperor was never to he denied. Still, Hua Cheng would not volunteer himself for it, his body was not that weak-willed against his traitorous mind that wanted to be perfect and praised.
"Hua Cheng," the man called, voice twisting with dissatisfaction, "Don't play dumb boy. Serve me."
Hua Cheng swallowed, mind swirling with a thousand unpleasant thoughts. His stomach twisted and he felt like throwing up. He felt dizzy and he thought he might faint. But, he worked his shaky hands upward. Slowly upwards until he was kneading the man's thighs.
The man reached forward and pulled him onto the bed so that Hua Cheng had no choice but to settle between his legs. And then the man grabbed his hands and moved them towards that part that Hua Cheng had been so fervently avoiding.
This was too much, he needed to run. He needed to escape. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't feel his hands. But, his quisling mind kept him rooted and still and smiling. Why was he smiling?
"Good," Jun Wu leaned forward a twisted grin on his face and he caressed Hua Cheng's face. "Move your hands," he whispered. His own hands moving to comb through Hua Cheng's hair and down his neck.
Hua Cheng shivered unwittingly, which seemed to please Jun Wu and which made Hua Cheng want to die. He moved his hands. Jun Wu's grunts of pleasure felt like metal scraping across Hua Cheng's nails. He felt a violent energy course through his body. What if I scratched his face, burnt him with the lamp! But, he was just a caged bird; no matter how he thrashed about he could only entertain the voyeurs.
Then Jun Wu pulled him down so that his body draped over the larger mans, their faces so close now that Hua Cheng could feel his breath. Jun Wu licked at his cheek and the slimy feeling made him shiver. Then the man was grabbing his jaw and turning his face and his tongue was pushing apart his lips and seeking entrance into his mouth. Hua Cheng could do nothing but acquiesce. He felt no agency over his own body which had been terrorized for so many years by adults.
There was licking and biting and grabbing. The opium pipe was forgotten and it was Hua Cheng on his back now. His mind went blank and his body went limp, a small mercy. Maybe he wouldn't remember what had been put into his mouth or how he had gagged and gasped for breath when it was removed. Maybe he wouldn't remember the hands that moved across his body or how they had gripped him and entered him. He surely wouldn't remember what had been done to that most intimate part of him or how much it had hurt when it was intruded upon. He couldn't possibly remember how excruciatingly long it had felt as he laid there as the man pushed into him over and over and over and over again. He wouldn't remember the sounds of it. The squelching, the grunts, his own breath going ragged. Nor would he remember the feeling of finally being pushed off the bed onto the floor, white strangeness flowing out of him.
No he would not remember. The morning came and the old man draped him in a fine cloth and took him to a bath. Hua Cheng wouldn't remember pushing him roughly away as he tried to help bathe him. He did it himself not wanting to be touched anymore. He wouldn't remember the sickening feeling. The thought of what it might be to drown himself here or bang his head against the stone floor until he bled and could not think anymore, could not remember.
He was taken to bed. Shivering now even though he wasn't cold. Head splitting as tears ran down his face.
He did not sleep. He looked at himself in the silver mirror and saw every bruise and scratch and bite mark. He remembered. How could he possibly forget? And he felt miserable for it. It was like all the color in the world had left. He had no energy and he wanted the sweet oblivion of sleep to take him forever.
Someone forced him to eat congee. It was tasteless and he didn't want it. He drifted around as if in a daze. Speaking to no one, minding no one, seeing nothing.
But the red lantern came again. And again. And again. And after some point it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. It was all the same. The same insipid proclivities of a beast that looked like a man who was pretending to be a god. Hua Cheng was bone weary. He saw no meaning to his life. But, he knew nothing else. He did not know how other people lived or had lived. He had been raised his whole life for this role that he abhorred. He did not know that the things that happened to him could be pleasurable or that pleasure was something he was allowed to feel. He was a frog in a well, but there was no sky.
The long nights turned into days. Jun Wu called on him even when the sun was up. Hua Cheng endured that revolting touch on his skin as he served meals and sat in on important meetings. He was a convenient doll to be played with and discarded at will. Wasn't this all he had hoped for? he thought bitterly. He endured humiliation with a smile. He didn't cry in front of guests. He was the perfect picture of obedience and the Preceptors who had trained him were rich because of it.
Whatever existential dread he felt was slowly hardening into pure cold hatred. He wanted to die but he wanted to see this false god razed to the ground. If he was in hell, he wanted to show Jun Wu and all the other complacent idiots in this place how bad things really could be.
These feelings festered, and his mind who was once a traitor was defecting. It was only a matter of time before he truly went mad with rage.
When the red lantern came, he felt nothing. He walked down the hall that had become all too familiar to the ornate doors that had turned ugly. But, this time the image that greeted him was not the room. It was another boy. Dressed in black robes with white bandages around his neck and arms. Their eyes met as they passed each other and the other boy gave Hua Cheng a gentle smile, a kind one. Had he ever seen such an expression before? Not pity, not spite. Just kindness.
Hua Cheng spent that night thinking of the boy. Wondering after him. Holding that warm, gentle smile in his mind's eye.
When he was finally released, he didn't walk around in a daze as he normally did. He was searching. Searching for white bandages and long shiny hair. Kind eyes and a gentle smile. But, he had no luck. The feelings of despair filled in his heart.
Then, the next night the boy was there again. Leaving the chamber again, the Emperor waiting inside as he switched one toy for another. The boy smiled at him again. But, this time he was clutching his chest and the blood on his hands did not go unnoticed.
Hua Cheng wanted desperately to talk to the other boy. But, there was no time now. He stepped into hell as the other boy stepped out.
Hua Cheng waited for the next night.This time he clutched a wildflower in his palm. He had nothing else he could give to the boy, he had no way of communicating. The flower was one commonly found in the Eastern courtyard. He hoped the boy would meet him there. So that night — as they passed each other and exchanged their silent greetings and knowing looks — Hua Cheng pressed the flower into the other boys hands. This time, he met Jun Wu with a smile, but it was not forced, he was thinking of the boy in the bandages.
Sure enough, in the morning, Hua Cheng went to the Eastern Courtyard. He was excited and nervous. He hoped the other boy would be amiable. He hoped for a friend. Hope. When was the last time he had felt that? What would happen to him if this last scrap of it was destroyed? Hua Cheng didn't want to think of that. He hoped and hoped and hoped!
The boy was already standing in the courtyard when Hua Cheng arrived. He was admiring the little wildflower in his hand, and for a moment it was a picture of perfect serenity. The boy looked up as Hua Cheng entered and gave him that warm smile that Hua Cheng meekly returned. Neither of them knew what to say to each other.
"Hi," Hua Cheng began, unsure and awkward.
Xie Lian nodded, "Hi. I'm Xie Lian."
"Hua Cheng. Nice to meet you. Thanks for coming."
Xie Lian smiled nervously, "I'm glad I came to the right place. This was a clever message." He held up their little flower to the sunlight.
Hua Cheng nervously rubbed the back of his head. "Thanks."
"Maybe, we can sit down," Xie Lian suggested, "Do you have time?"
Hua Cheng nodded fervently, "Of course!"
They sat in the grass amongst the wildflowers and watched as bumble bees flitted around. The sun warmed their backs and for a moment their lives felt peaceful and normal. They quickly realized they didn't have much to talk about, both of their lives revolved so steadfastly around Jun Wu and his inclinations.
Xie Lian was seventeen, Hua Cheng noticed the iron band around his neck. So he had been here for at least three years longer than he had. Yet, he still smiled so sweetly.
Hua Cheng worked up the courage to ask about it, hoping it wouldn't ruin the mood.
Xie Lian just waved his hand, "Ah, he doesn't really do that stuff with me as much anymore. I'm getting too old. He mostly just beats me up now."
Hua Cheng assumed that's what the bandages were from and it must have shown on his face because Xie Lian shook his head. "These aren't from him. It was my own folly from when I was younger."
Hua Cheng could think of many scenarios that might constitute being bandaged like this, especially if the scars were still there.
Xie Lian questioned him about the eye patch and Hua Cheng shrugged. "My eye was deformed, so they removed it."
It surprised them both how nonchalantly they spoke of the horrors they had endured. As if they were simply talking about the weather or a meal they had had.
It felt nice to not feel so alone.
Months passed just like that. The two boys would meet whenever they could and they would talk about everything and nothing. Sometimes, they would sit in silence and watch the clouds float by. Other times they would giggle and laugh uncontrollably at the simplest of jokes. The world they built for themselves, for just the two of them, was a heaven without gods.
But several days had passed and Hua Cheng could not find Xie Lian. They had not passed each other in the night. Xie Lian was not in the courtyard. He could not be found during meals either. Hua Cheng had taken to aimlessly wandering around the palace in search of the boy and his sweet smile. But, he had no luck.
Then, the red lantern came and it was the longest night of his life. He had been dressed in all manner of finery and he resembled an ornate jade doll. This time, they did not walk towards the doors of the bedchamber. Instead, the red lantern and its attendant led him through the halls of the palace and finally to the throne room.
It wasn't just Jun Wu inside. There was a whole gathering of beasts masquerading as men in fine, noble clothes. Hua Cheng immediately understood that this was a banquet and that he was the meal. He entered, graceful as always. But he could already feel the sickening sensation settle into his stomach.
The room quieted as he reached the center. Jun Wu gestured for him to stop. And then came the commands.
"Take off your clothes."
Hua Cheng swallowed. He could feel the hungry eyes on him like they were daggers. He began disrobing. He held onto what little modesty he had for as long as he could, but the final piece of fabric fell and he was cold and he was naked, and they were watching.
Jun Wu gestured for him to come forward and he walked across the cold tiles, willing his body to move forward instead of run away. When he reached the throne, Jun Wu grinned and handed him a cup.
"Drink."
Hua Cheng bowed, hyper aware of how this exposed him to the crowd. He took the cup and sipped it, turning his head in respect. The liquid was bitter and burned his throat. His entire body felt warm after and he began to lose his balance. Things became hazy and he felt like he was floating. And then he was on fire, he was burning with desire, his whole body aflame.
This time Hua Cheng would remember. He willed himself to remember every detail. Every sneering, drooling face. The feeling of the old unworked hands that touched him, grabbed him, fondled him. Every indecency they uttered in their hideous voices. The pain of the intrusions. The bitter taste of it.
He would remember how he was passed around. How he was made to dance. How he was treated worse than a dog. He would especially remember the satisfied smug look on Jun Wu's face as Hua Cheng's legs trembled and tears spilled out of his eyes. The night was long. There were no windows here. His body was not his own. He was taken entirely by the drugs and sheer will of the beasts pretending to be men.
He did not have a name for all the things they did to him that night. He would not be able to accurately describe the excruciating pain he had felt, though he would never be rid of the scars from it. He could not speak in words the humiliation and shame he had endured. But, he remembered. He remembered and in the twisted hollow where the empathetic heart of a child once laid, there grew a curse. A curse so powerful it would annihilate everything in its path.
They had to carry him to the infirmary when everything had been done and over with. He had been there for several days now, seething, enraged, and wallowing in misery. He couldn't live with himself. He felt sick being in his own skin. He wanted to just die and then maybe the ghost of him could get his revenge.
When he could walk again, he dragged himself to the koi pond outside. His own reflection, disrupted by the fish and the clouds, was ugly. He fantasized now of sinking into that pond and taking his last breath.
Then, the reflection changed and standing beside him was the face of the other boy, gentle and kind as ever. Hua Cheng turned around so quickly he lost his balance and began to fall into the pond. Xie Lian quickly reached out and pulled him back.
"It's been so long and you'd rather be with the fish?" Xie Lian joked good naturedly.
Hua Cheng didn't have the mind to reply. He was so elated to see the other boy. He jumped into Xie Lian's arms so forcefully they both ended up on the ground. And then Hua Cheng was sobbing. "Gege, I missed you so."
Xie Lian patted his back and did his best to comfort the younger boy. "I'm sorry. I was sent away. I've just come back."
Hua Cheng released his grip on the other boy and looked at him closely. His face was bruised and his lips were cracked. Who knew how many other injuries were hiding under his robes. "How..." Hua Cheng began to ask, "How do you live like this? I want to die gege. I don't know why I even exist or what the point of life is."
Xie Lian's gaze softened and he let out a deep sigh. "Not everything in the world is so bad. The world with just us, wouldn't be so painful, would it?"
Hua Cheng shook his head, "That world doesn't exist."
"We could make it. We could run away together... you could... live for my sake."
Living for Xie Lian didn't seem like such a bad fate. But, running away? Could they really?
"I would live for you gege. But... I feel so much rage. I- I want to burn this place to the ground." It was blasphemy to say so. If anyone heard they would both be beheaded.
Xie Lian had a very serious look on his face. It was something like determination. "We can. We'll need to leave and gather some tinder first."
He rose, pulling Hua Cheng up with him. They were running away then? Was there a place to go? Those details didn't matter to Hua Cheng. He would follow Xie Lian anywhere, without fear or trepidation.
"Gege..." Hua Cheng asked, so amazed by the will of this boy who had endured such hardships, "how can you still smile?"
Xie Lian smiled brightly, looking at Hua Cheng with crescent moon eyes. "Body in abyss, heart in paradise."
They had snuck out of the palace that very night, neither of them being summoned by Jun Wu. Xie Lian knew his way around the palace like it was the back of his hand. Hua Cheng followed him closely as they expertly avoided the palace residents and made their way out a small service entrance, stealing whatever they could get their hands on as they went.
Hua Cheng had never been outside the palace before. He had only ever seen the outside world from windows and pictures in books. It was beautiful. The wildness of the grass and trees. The crookedness of the roads carved into nature by centuries of feet walking by. It was comforting. It was so different from the neat orderliness of the palace.
They eked out a meager life for themselves, building a hut out of scraps in a rural part of the country. Xie Lian was surprisingly good at scrap collecting and saving money. Hua Cheng was surprisingly good at building and mending things. They made a very amiable pair.
They knew they were surely being searched for and did their best to stay hidden. But, they hadn't forgotten the suffering they had endured and so they plotted and slowly gathered the resources they needed to fulfill their dream - which was to see the Imperial Palace burnt to the ground. Still, they didn't spend too much of their day thinking about things like that. They were much too happy in the domesticity they had built for themselves.
"Hua Cheng, try this..." Xie Lian held out a spoon full of some mystery liquid he had cooked up.
Hua Cheng leaned forward and slurped it off the spoon still held in the other boy's hand. "Everything gege makes is delicious."
Xie Lian smiled shyly. "You're a flatterer."
Hua Cheng nodded. "Everything you do is flattering. But... can I ask you for a favor?"
Xie Lian looked at him seriously, waiting earnestly for the request.
"Can you not call me by that name? I don't like it."
Xie Lian pondered for awhile, "Then, what should I call you? Guaiguai?"
Hua Cheng reddened despite himself and shook his hands furiously, losing his composure. "Gege may call me whatever he pleases... just that might be..."
Xie Lian grinned, "Maybe later then. San Lang seems like it would suit you."
San Lang nodded. "I'd like that."
Months passed peacefully for the two of them. They had slowly begun to shed the remnants of themselves that existed in the palace. They no longer wore black. Xie Lian could always be found in simple white robes, neatly tied. San Lang preferred his crimson red robes which were always casually worn.
Their plans of burning the palace down did not require much energy. Natural disasters were followed by internal fighting which was followed by war. War meant death and destruction. And with no effort from either of them the palace was razed to the ground and Jun Wu watched helplessly as he lost everything. Maybe there really were gods, they thought. Or maybe karma had just come later than expected.
The two of them rejoiced at the turn of events and eventually made their way back to the imperial city. They reunited with many of the other boys they had once known and who had suffered much the same fate as they had. They learned together what it meant to be in control of one's own body and mind. They helped each other, slowly and steadily, come into themselves and gain a sense of agency. They learned to dance and take up space. They learned it was okay to be loud and messy. They could not erase all of the scars they held, both visible and invisible. But, they did their best to heal.
San Lang and Xie Lian especially had a close bond with each other. They didn't know yet what it was. Friendship, affection, love. All of it. But it didn't matter what it was called; they found comfort in each other's presence. It was the kind of comfort neither of them had ever felt until they'd met each other. A quiet, sturdy, enduring comfort.
They really had created their own world. A heaven of their own, one with no gods or rulers or emperors. Just them. And it was perfect.