Work Text:
1.
"Ben"
"Hmmm"
"Benny"
"Go away"
"Benjamin"
"What?" Ben practically whined, his eyes still clamped shut. The hand on his shoulder was a soft touch but he was irritated by it, Nothing in the world annoyed him more than being woken up, not having to deal with a chirpy Declan on a wet Monday morning as bad as having his sleep interrupted. Declan was the only person Ben knew who seemed to operate at 100% at all times of the day, it was probably because unlike him, it was pretty fucking irritating some times. Declan actually managed to get through the night without having his sleep rudely interrupted by his partner "Just let me sleep"
"Come on, darling" Leo's voice was still as gentle as it had been when he had been calling Ben's name and lacked even a trace of any annoyance. Leo's patience was an admirable trait, it was something that Ben was oftentimes jealous of. Specifically, whenever he was partnered with Declan on those aforementioned rainy Monday mornings in training. While Leo could operate with grace and the patience seen more regularly in Year One teachers rather than footballers, Ben was grumpy and impatient at all times. They were an odd pair, living proof that opposites truly did attract "You know you would be more comfortable in bed"
Ben was not sure if it was simply because Leo had reminded him that he was not in bed or if his senses had returned after waking up but suddenly his body ached all over. He had momentarily forgotten that he had fallen asleep on the leather sofa in Leo's flat while Leo had showered, the fabric now feeling sticky against the bare section of his back exposed by his t-shirt riding up. Despite the discomfort though, Ben was still not quite prepared to move from his spot. The way that his body was folded would surely leave him stiff the next day but the idea of moving was still far less appealing "I want to stay here"
"No you don't baby" Ben opened his eyes just a crack and felt his lips curve upwards in a small smile as his gaze met Leo. His hair was damp from the shower, a few grey strands having stuck themselves upon his forehead making him seem more boyish than ever. Leo was wearing a soft expression, one filled with something that Ben hoped was mirrored back in his expression despite his grogginess "You made me promise to never let you sleep like this remember?"
"I'm warm though" another whine escaped his lips and Leo let out a gentle chuckle, not hiding how a part of him was finding this whole situation rather amusing. Ben did not feel his annoyance rise though, he liked hearing Leo laugh even if it was at his expense "The bed will be too cold"
"I've already put a hot water bottle under the blanket on your side" Leo told him and Ben shifted his position slightly, not fully committed to getting up just yet. He felt heat in his core at Leo's thoughtfulness. Ben had once hated the idea of ever being predictable but Leo had shown him there was nothing wrong with it. It was a wonderful sensation to be known "And I'll be joining you in bed too, as soon as my hair is dry. You won't be cold or lonely for long"
"Walk me there" Ben had meant it to sound like a request rather than a demand but had failed. The walk from the couch to the bedroom was not a long one but in that moment, it felt like the equivalent of walking from the Emirates to American Express Stadium to him. If he was going to do it, he wanted Leo by his side. A statement that rang true about pretty much anything he did in his life "Please"
"Of course" Leo nodded, moving his hand from his shoulder and taking his hand instead to pull him up into a sitting position. Ben knew that Leo was simply humouring him but he did not care. He was getting used to letting his guard down enough for Leo to indulge him when he needed such assistance "You'll be much more conformable, I promise this will be worth it"
Like always, Leo's promise rang true and when Ben woke in the morning with a smaller body tucked into his side in the bed, he could not help but feel appreciative. It was nice, having someone who cared about where he slept. There was something simple, yet wonderful, about that kind of care. About that kind of love.
2.
"It's only me" Leo called out as he stepped through the door of Ben's flat, letting the door close behind him with a gentle thud. Ben smiled at the familiarity of it all, he had not meant to give Leo a key to his place. Leo had only gotten a copy of it as he had been keeping an eye on the place when Ben had been visiting his parents and had never given it back. Ben did not mind though, now that they were hooking up regularly, it made sense for Leo to have a key. Ben liked the nights when Leo surprised him by sneaking into his bed, they would be far less thrilling if they met in the doorway of the apartment "Come help me"
Ben frowned as he stood up from the couch, unsure what Leo could possibly need his help with after just arriving. He resented the fact that he had been forced to move from his comfortable spot on the couch but when he popped his head out through the living room door, the resentment quickly faded. It was hard to be mad when the sight of Leo trying to toe off his shoes while haphazardly balancing a bag of foot was so funny. Ben really needed to get some sort of table for his hallway.
"You brought food?" Ben's eyebrows knitted together, in the way he knew some people found to be rather judgemental. He knew Leo found it cute though, he had told him enough times in that annoyingly teasing tone. Ben always kissed him to shut him up when he started saying such things. He was not cute, he was sexy, rugged, hot as hell. Not cute.
"Yeah" Leo held out the bags, clearly aware that he would not be able to remove his shoes without Ben taking the bags of food from him. Ben did so, rather sad that he would not get to prolong his enjoyment of Leo's suffering. He supposed that was pretty cruel in a way but he knew if the roles were reversed, Leo would not rush to his aid either. They were softer with each other now that they were something a little more than friends but it did not mean that their dynamic had completely shifted. They were not going to start acting as touchy feely as Gabriel and Fabio did on a daily basis - Ben still did not believe them as they insisted they were only friends. They looked at each other the same way Ben had caught Leo looking at him many times over the years they had known each other.
Ben knew he had probably looked at Leo the same way a dozen or so times over the years too but he was far to subtle to get caught like Leo. Ben missed the way Leo used to blush whenever Ben caught him checking him out, it didn't embarrass Leo anymore to be noticed by Ben as he did so.
"Where did you go?" Ben asked, even though he already knew the answer from the packaging on the takeout bag and the familiar smell of his favourite dishes from his favourite restaurant.
"Supawan and before you ask, yes I did get some of the tom yum goong to share" Leo answered, relief flooding his face as he finally removed his shoes. Leo often claimed there was no better feeling than kicking off his shoes at the end of a long day and Ben always aimed to prove him wrong. Surely being fucked by Ben was a far better sensation.
"Supawan isn't on your way here" Ben commented, unable to stop himself wondering whether or not Leo had come from his own home or somewhere else. Kieran's flat was closer to the Thai restaurant than either of theirs. Ben wasn't necessarily threatened by Kieran and the handful of times that he had hooked up with Leo but he could not help but feel a prick of jealousy at the idea of them spending time together. Ben was not too proud to admit that every so often, he could be overtaken by the green eyed monster.
"I know, traffic there from my place was hellish" Leo told him, his lips turned up in that familiar teasing smile as though he knew exactly what Ben was thinking. Ben felt heat rise in his cheeks, feeling exposed by how well Leo could seemingly read him "I know it's your favourite and I wanted to do something nice for you, that's all"
"Thank you" Ben dropped eye contact with Leo for the briefest moment, unsure what he had done to deserve such kindness. Sometimes Leo just did things to be nice and Ben had not quite figured out how to fully accept that fact yet.
Each gesture, no matter how simple or small, always made Ben's skin tingle.
Each gesture Leo made hinting that his feelings ran deeper than what he pretended they were, that his feelings matched what Ben was feeling as well.
Each gesture giving Ben something to believe in.
3.
"Here" Leo's voice pulled him from his thoughts, a paper cup of something warm was handed to it and Ben accepted it with a grateful smile. It was strange, being at the training grounds in the quiet of the evening, it was sort of eerie to Ben. He longed to be at his flat, his dogs at his feet as he watched some mindless TV that was not as amusing to him as it was to other people that he knew. Training was over and done with and so were the mindless media engagements he had been forced to partake in but Ben was still at the training ground. His skin felt itchy but he knew that even if he was to drag his manicured nails across his skin that it would not reduce the scratchiness. He hated feeling like this, hated whenever his body did not feel like something he could control.
"What is it?" he heard himself ask as Leo sat beside him. It as a stupid question, Ben could have easily raised the cup to his mouth and taken a sip to figure out whether it was tea or coffee. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. His voice sounded strange to him, his tone giving far too much away about how he was feeling.
"Green tea, I knew there was some in the canteen" Leo answered, shifting closer to Ben on the row of seats that they were perched on. Ben was grateful there were now armrests on this particular bench, it was nice to feel the warmth of Leo's body pressed against him. He knew that if anyone was to come across them that it would likely look like they had morphed into a single being. Not that anyone who might see them would focus on how close they were sitting, Ben's red eyes would likely steal the focus. His eyes itched more than his skin, he wrapped his other hand around the cup and let the warmth seep into his body. He knew Leo would only scold him if he rubbed his eyes. The long sleeves of his training top were stained with snot and tears "I forgot to put any cold water in it, you'll need to let it cool down"
"I don't really like green tea" Ben admitted and suddenly he was filled with a wave of a new emotion. Guilt. Why could he not just pretend to like green tea? Why must he ruin the nice thing Leo was doing for him? Maybe what people thought about him was true, maybe he did have a horrible attitude. Stupid and Horrible.
"I don't think anyone does, it tastes like grass" Leo replied with a small chuckle and Ben felt some of the tension in his shoulders ease a little bit. Leo, who had found him in the bathroom shortly after they had finished some video for the club's YouTube channel, did not seem spooked by what had happened. Leo was being normal, but not too normal. Not the kind of forced normal people tried to be whenever they saw Ben in such a state. It was not a regular occurrence which made it so much worse, nobody was well versed in how to handle it. Leo, who had not seen Ben in such a state since a particular strange night out in Brighton, was dealing with it like a seasoned professional "I read somewhere that it helps with anxiety so I thought it'd be a good post-panic attack fix"
"Usually I just go to bed" Ben never used the proper terms whenever he had a panic attack. If anyone else was involved in the process of one or just the aftermath like Leo, he would rattle off excuses about hay fever or watching a sad TikTok to explain why he seemed so out of it. Ben knew nobody ever believed him, his regular vocalness about hating TikTok probably didn't help with the plausibility of such lies. Something about calling the panic attacks by the proper title made them seem even scarier to Ben who hated the comedown of one far more than the experience of one. Ben took a sip of the tea and grimaced, Leo was right; it did taste like grass. There was a strange comfort to it though, he knew that it was not down to whatever anxiety calming properties the tea apparently had and more a credit to Leo being the one who made it.
Boyfriend was another proper term that Ben did not like to use, it felt childish to call Leo that even after they had made it official. Calling Leo the love of his life was far too dramatic for Ben's liking but a part of him knew that it was the truth. The same part of him knew it was true for Leo too, the green tea in his hands and the way Leo was looking after him was proof of the love between them. Love they had not acknowledged with words yet but were more than willing to show with actions and care. it as nice, having someone to look after him. Leo's care wasn't conditional, it didn't require a panic attack or any sort of visible upset. He would make tea for Ben whenever he thought Ben might want a cup and that in itself was practically a declaration of love in Ben's eyes.
The same way Leo's next offer of help was "Come on then, I'll drive you home and get you tucked in. God knows you need your beauty sleep"
4.
"You'll need a book"
"I won't need a book"
"You will" Leo insisted, his eyes scanning the shelves in Ben's room for any book. Ben was laying sprawled across his bed, on top of a cushion of clothes that Leo had ordered him to fold and pack into the suitcase. Leo had been bossing him around since he had arrived, he had simply ruled his eyes when Ben had branded him a mini tyrant. It was not Ben's desired effect on the man.
"Why?"
"Because I'm probably going to sleep on the plane on the way home and you'll need to look engrossed in something" Leo explained as if it was obvious, Ben chuckled in response. He did not really need Leo to explain the thinking behind the inclusion of a book in his carry on anymore but Leo continued anyway. The explanation making perfect sense to him as his boyfriend provided the expected explanation "You know if you're just on your phone, the lads will still just chat your ear off"
"And you think they'll respect me reading?" Ben asked, raising a teasing eyebrow in Leo's direction. The two of them were quite settled amongst the team, well liked by all and forming tighter bonds with Kai, Marin and Bukayo. Ben was probably the happiest he had ever been at a club but he could admit that every now and then, his friends and teammates could be very annoying from time to time. They game they were heading to Portugal to play was one that all of them expected to win and while Ben would obviously be as jovial about the win, he also knew he would want to rest on the plane like Leo would. He hated that planes were one of the few places he could never seem to sleep.
"No" Leo shook his head, reaching for a book with a pristine spine that sat on Ben's bedside table. Ben was not even sure that he had ever seen that book let alone opened before, it must have been something Leo had brought over some night that he had stayed here and left it behind. Ben was pretty sure a lot of the clothes he was laying on were probably Leo's too "But if you also have your headphones in, you could listen to a podcast or something without them interrupting"
"You might actually be a genius" Ben exclaimed, sitting up so he could grab Leo's hand and pull him down on top of him. Leo yelped as he lost his footing, landing on Ben in a way that ensured Ben did not get winded by the impact, something Ben was very grateful for. Leo looked propped himself up on his arms so that he was practically planking above Ben rather than lying on top of him. Ben smiled up at him, happy to have Leo so close "Hi"
"Hi" Leo grinned back at him and Ben felt his smile grow even wider. Something about Leo's happiness had always been infectious to Ben, the same way his sadness often was. They were always side by side through highs and lows, Ben was grateful to have a partner to be with him through it all. Shifting his body slightly, Ben leaned up and placed a chaste kiss to Leo's lips "What was that for?"
"Didn't know I needed a reason to kiss you" Ben could not help but tease Leo who rolled his eyes before planting a kiss on Ben's lips. Leo pulled away which Ben knew was for the best, they had to be at the training ground to get the bus to the airport in two hours and his luggage still only contained the random book, far too many boxers for a two night trip to Portugal and his toiletries bag. Getting distracted by kissing and fucking is how Ben had ended up in this position in the first place. Well, that and his procrastinating of packing his bags. A task he hated more than anything "Okay, I'm just saying thank you for helping me pack"
"I'm more than happy to help" Leo replied, still making no move to get off Ben and return to the task at hand. Ben knew it was something that Leo was expected to say in response but he also knew that was not why Leo had said it. Leo did not really do expected. He only ever said what he truly meant and Ben always believed him, There was something special about the way that Leo helped him and the care he showed him, Ben knew exactly what that special thing was. He knew Leo knew too.
However, he could not help but take the opportunity to seek clarity on what remained unsaid between them since they'd gone from friends with benefits to boyfriends. "Why?"
"You know why" Leo replied, his cheeks tinging red in the way that Ben loved more than anything. Ben did know why and although they had not said it yet, Leo repeatedly showed him why. When Leo would eventually say it, Ben would believe it without a shadow of a doubt.
5.
"Hey, I was just calling to let you know I landed" Leo's grogginess was evident in his tone as he spoke. The two hour flight from England to Belgium had clearly been another flight that Leo had managed to sleep on which Ben was grateful for. Leo's flight had been early and they had spent the night before keeping each other awake in different ways. The idea of being separated for at least the next two weeks for international duty was one both of them were struggling with. It was the longest they would be apart since Ben had left Brighton for Arsenal "Got to the hotel too, Kevin isn't here yet so I have the room to myself for a bit"
"Are you proposing phone sex?" Ben felt a swell of pride at the laugh he was able to earn for his only half-serious question. It was cute when Leo did what could only be describing as guffawing. They had spend the previous night creating a reel of memories that would serve each of them well if they got any privacy (and time to wank) but Ben was not ashamed to admit that he was insatiable. Especially when it came to Leo.
"No" Leo replied and although his boyfriend could not see him, Ben pouted in response "I'm too tired right now"
"Boring" Ben teased before growing serious again, he did not want Leo to think that he was being selfish and demanding more. He may already be missing Leo but he was not desperate enough to demand phone sex yet "Are you okay. baby?"
"Yeah, I just got into one of the beds" Leo replied and Ben nodded, glad the ruffling he had heard on the other end of the phone had been explained. He had assumed Leo would probably get into the bed by the window of his hotel room as soon as possible after arriving. He was a little surprised Leo had actually called him before napping. Ben always wanted to know Leo made the journey to whatever camp safe and sound but Leo had a habit of forgetting to call or text before napping or going spending time with his friends on the national team. Ben always made Leo promise to call or text him after he arrived, growing annoyed whenever Leo broke such a promise. "I just wanted to let you know I got here and that I'll call you again later"
"Thank you" Ben felt a wave of gratitude wash over him. Leo had been a lot better out contacting him after arriving to his national camps ever since Ben had explained the need for him to know when he landed. Explaining that the idea of Leo travelling was something that stirred up an uneasy anxious feeling within had not been easy for Ben but he knew Leo respected and understood him. Leo had called Ben from the airport during the last two camps "I'll talk to you later yeah?""
"Yeah, love you Ben"
"Love you too Leo" Ben ginned as he heard the call disconnect, Leo clearly letting the words slip from his mouth without thinking in his exhausted state. Ben did not need to call him back to ask him what he had said nor would he spend hours until their next call agonising over whether or not he had heard the words correctly.
He had heard what Leo had said loud and clear and Leo had already shown him so many reasons to believe in it.