Chapter Text
Inside the walls of a small apartment room, a deer boy paced around, idly tugging at the fur around his face. Wood furniture lined the walls and surrounded an unmade bed that’s usually much better taken care of. Books, trinkets of old, and odd posters littered the room. It felt claustrophobic to most but, as Leo pitter pattered over and over the rug, this was the place where he felt the most comfortable. This was his domain, his study, something that has been curated over years and years, going wherever he must go. It was all essential to his function as a flesh and blood being, it felt like a part of him and the mere thought of having to live without it makes him feel the searing pain of flesh ripping apart. Would you be so cruel to ask someone to be without their arm? Most would answer “no” but complain about how much he has to move when he's forced to go between two places.
However, the sword of Damocles increased its presence over his head, feeling the gentle caress of its point as summer became nearer and nearer. There was a heat in this pot that he sat in, slowly watching as the water boiled and his organs began cooking inside of his body. No squirming came from the boy, as he was too comfortable in this position that he found himself in, despite how miserable it felt to have the constant tension rip you apart. Sometimes, the pain is too unbearable, sometimes it's one of the best feelings in the world. It feels almost as if a cosmic force is trying to keep him away from experiencing happiness and some sort of pay off for this elongated game of gay chicken.
Fear was the main factor that kept him at bay, stuck in an endless cycle of monotony that was the droning dirge for his dating life. There were constant reminders of what could be all around him, in all the materials he consumed, love seemed like the driving force in all that was. He was Heathcliff and Ferris was his Catherine, always seemingly out of his reach due to circumstances outside of his control. He was radiance uncaptured by anything else, graceful in all of his actions, yet Leo could nary understand his intentions. It felt like a constant game of cat and mouse, without knowing who was supposed to play what role. Many nights, questions drove him to the very brink of madness, imagining every possibility that could happen on the fateful day he revealed to him his truest feelings, but all he could do is gravitate towards were the negatives. What if they really were just close friends? What if all his signals were just him being nice and it revealed how much of a sorry sap Leo was for thinking they were anything greater? What if everything was ruined forever and, worse, he came off as a creep?
He could see the future now as he stood on the path that he was heading down. Leo Foster, arriving to Normalsville once again, but as a much more successful man than how he was when he left. There was only one thing he needed from this dead end town, someone that he could not wash clean from his mind, and those tender, accidental brushes with this man were things that would visit him in his dreams. That town that was seen as nothing more to him than an opportunity. A career that he clawed his way towards just so he could visit the place that harbored the only one he ever loved. However, heartbreak would soon rattle Leo as he found out that his love, Ferris Churchill, had died from a disease the winter prior. There was no comfort for him so he turned to the bottle, drinking til he couldn’t see what was in front of him anymore. It was a valiant effort that never seemed to quiet the wailing spirits tormenting him every night. Ferris was there too, madly shaking the windows within a white distorted haze, crying out.
He wrestled in his bed against the blinding madness, shouting indiscriminately at the tormenting spirit of his love, rattled with guilt that he could have not returned sooner and rested with him within his final moments. Success did not come quickly, and it was already far too late for the man. Night after night, the same gut wrenching wailing would sound out from the specter, without nary a thing for him to do about it. Soon, all he could do was succumb to the madness. One fateful night, he grabbed a shovel and visited the final resting place of his one true love, digging until his tool struck the casing of a casket. His fingers dug into the sealed lid, madly trying to rip it open as he proclaimed “Ferris! Ferris! It’s time! I have come back for you! I told you I would come back for you! My love shall rip me from the depths of hell itself so we shall be together once again! Do you hear me?! Do you hear me, Ferris?! This was never the end!” Splinters dug into his hands as he ripped open the coffin, faced with the eternally resting face of his lover, still preserved and as beautiful as the day he left him.
Rain began to fall, washing the sins of disturbing the dead, as he danced with his lifeless corpse and proclaimed ramblings of his undying love. That after all this time they are finally together again, and that they shall never part.
This was, of course, all in Leo’s head and he turned to the copy of Wuthering Heights he had on his desk, only to hide it away from his view once again. As much as he thought their relationship was near the pinnacle of romance in classic literature in high school, he didn’t seek an utterly tragic ending to what could be a relationship that he spends the rest of his life with. He had spent too much time in this room, pacing, and daydreaming about what could be. Sometimes, you just had to take life by the horns and that was exactly what he was planning to do.
Nervous fingers trembled as he hovered them over the keyboard, looking at the bright lights that were his messages. This was something he had rehearsed in his mind, over and over, nearly all of it planned to the last moment of how it was supposed to go. It had to be unique, it had to be somewhere intimate, and somewhere where he wouldn’t expect an utter unrestrained confession of his burning crush on the other. Where his mind settled on was a camping trip, just the two of them, to explore the local wilderness for the weekend. It was simple, an environment where he could show that he could handle his own in the great outdoors, and they would have to share a rather small tent together. There was also just something so nice, so tranquil, about the outdoors that has always seemed to speak to Leo, and there was no better place.
"Hey Ferris! Would you be interested in camping this weekend”
The boy furrowed his brow at what he had typed. Maybe that wasn’t good enough… Maybe he had to explain a bit more, so that it didn’t come off as awkward and stilted. To suddenly invite someone on a trip seems suspicious, he thought to himself, and maybe gave the impression that he had ulterior motives other than just a friendly outing between friends.
“My buddy canceled our camping trip last minute and I’ve already spent money on our campsite. Any chance you would be free this weekend?”
Perfect, he thought to himself, with a tasteful addition of the whitest lie to make it all that much more believable. Leo sat on the edge of the bed, looking intently at what he wrote with a sly smile, and still couldn’t physically bring his fingers to press the send button. It was right there, so very close, and all he had to do was bring his finger closer to the screen. Just one simple tap and that ball could get rolling, everything could be set into motion… A brave journey into the unknown for the love sick deer. Closing his eyes, he pressed his finger down on the screen, heard the noise, and instinctually threw his phone to the other side of the bed as if it were dangerously hot to the touch. All Leo could do is stare intently at the device like a scared prey animal that heard a twig crack in the woods, not moving a single muscle lest it be the end of his life as he knows it.
Even when the sound of a reply came through, he hesitated, taking a deep breath in case the worst case scenario had dawned upon him. If anything involved making moves on Ferris, it was always one of the most harrowing experiences of his life. He sat there, trying to claw at the rope forming around his throat, as he breathed shallower and shallower. Stomach in knots, clammy hands dripping, and his vision becoming a white haze, Leo was convinced he was finally succumbing to an end by asphyxiation. There shall be no one to lament the end of Leo Foster as he was, never to be found by apathetic police officers and medical professionals who would diagnose him as being a hopeless homosexual that was too afraid to check his phone after sending the mildest of risky texts.
He’d, soon, get over himself and slowly open his eyes, then make a scramble to the phone. No matter what the answer was, he would have to face it and, knowing it might be the end of the world for him, that would have to be something that he’d just have to deal with.
“ummm sure that sounds fun”
The dear boy would practically hug his phone, thanking the stars above that he didn’t deny the offer or have something to do that weekend. It was a DATE! Well, a friendly platonic date, but that still had the name date in it and that was close enough for Leo!
“Awesome! I can pick you up Friday morning. All you have to bring are some clothes and yourself! I’ve got everything else covered.”
“ok ill see you then”
He was lying through his keystrokes, knowing damn well that there was not a single thing he had ready for this trip aside from old camping equipment he got from his uncle rotting in his closet. There were so many things he had to do, but he had to show Ferris how reliable and put together he is, never once seeing through the veil at what a mess he really was. All he could see in the other is a perfect softness that he yearned to hold in his arms, syncing his heartbeat with his while they watched the clear sky at night and its many stars. It had to be perfect, he repeated to himself, as he drummed his fingers on his leg. There was no room for error.
That night, Leo booked what seemed like a secluded camping spot in a nice state park and rushed to the grocery store to buy all that they needed to have a successful trip. Maybe even over packing just a tad.