Chapter Text
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8 weeks ago
A horrific case that left an entire Marine family murdered in their home had taken its toll on the whole team. Gibbs was in the bullpen, silent save the grinding they could all hear as he kept his jaw clenched in anger. McGee just looked shell shocked as he finished his report. Ziva's emotions were hidden as always, but to those that knew her, there was a pain deep in her eyes. Tony was furiously focused as he typed his report, all the emotions and the rage he felt kept flashing across his face as he worked.
He wanted the report to be perfect, and he wanted the two scumbags' lives to be forfeit for what they had done. The images of the Marine captain with a shotgun blast removing most of his chest and his wife who had suffered not only the injustice of being murdered but raped as well kept pushing their way to the front of Tony's mind. But those images he could push back, and look at with an almost clinical detachment. It was the images of their two murdered children that made Tony want to throw everything in reach and punch the nearest wall. Two and four, the little girls were beautiful, sandy haired princesses. Their pictures decorating the house showed their sweet smiles and sparkling green eyes.
Pausing in his typing, Tony opened another folder on his desk and stared at the photo inside, it was a copy of one from the crime scene. It was a candid shot taken on a sunny beach with the two girls in their bright, colorful swimsuits laughing as the incoming surf tickled their toes. He tried to implant this image in his mind, tried to overwrite the image of the girls' bedroom spattered in blood, and he tried not to think about the image of what the two shotgun blasts that had killed them had left behind.
Others in the building were taking the case just as hard. It had been Palmer's first case involving children and with a strength of purpose belied by his normal lighthearted demeanor, he had worked diligently to assist Ducky in taking care of the family.
As Ducky put on his overcoat and hat, he sighed to himself one more time as he looked towards the shiny doors that held the family. No matter how much violence and depravity he had see throughout the course of his career, some cases would haunt him, this was one.
There was one other person involved with the case that was trying to put some perspective on it in her own mind: Abby. She had studied the evidence endlessly, from blood patterns to DNA that the killers had left behind. She had looked at all of the crime scene photos so intensely that she could call up any one of them in her mind. She had managed to push her emotions aside as she worked, treating each piece of evidence like the puzzle piece it was that they needed to catch the murderers. But she would be lying if she said it didn't affect her, and now with the case closed and the paperwork done, she sat in her quiet lab with the music turned off and Bert in her arms as she let her horror at the crime wash over her.
Tony finished his report and handed it to Gibbs who acknowledged it with a simple nod and said quietly, "Go on, get out of here, Tony. It's been a long day."
Their eyes met for a moment, understanding passing between them. Tony replied, "Yeah. See you Monday."
Tony grabbed his stuff and was going to head for the elevator to go out to his car when he decided to make a detour and headed for the other elevator where he hit the button that would take him to Abby's lab. He hadn't seen her for most of the day and he wanted to check on her. He knew how kindhearted she really was and cases like this always affected her hard. Just like him.
The quietness in the lab hit him, along with the muted lighting. For a moment he thought she might have already left but then he saw her sitting in the dark at her desk.
"Hey," he said softly as he approached.
Her little downtrodden, "Hey," in return let him know that she was taking the case hard. He was glad he decided to stop down although he suspected that Gibbs would most likely be making an appearance down here in the near future, Abby was "his girl" and he took care of his own. Gibbs said it was a Marine thing, but Tony knew better- it was a Gibbs' thing.
Tony tried to pull her into conversation but it wasn't working, she just sat there hugging that hippo with a haunted look on her face. Oddly, he felt a twinge of jealousy that the hippo was getting hugged and he wasn't. Abby's hugs always made him feel better, and he got them often, Abby liked hugs.
Thinking about that for a moment as he stood behind her chair, he leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, chair, Bert and all, and rested his chin on her shoulder. He knew it was the right thing to do when she leaned her head to rest against his and she reached up with a hand to stroke his arm.
Tony had been right about Gibbs coming down to check on Abby, and it was that scene that he saw from the doorway of the lab. Smirking to himself, he left as stealthily as he had arrived not alerting them to his presence. He knew that the two of them had a special bond and that they would take care of each other.
Almost simultaneously Abby and Tony said, "Wanna go get a beer?", and that brought a little chuckle to both of them.
In short order they found themselves at a favorite little bar both feeling their beer, not enough to be stupidly drunk, just enough to take the edge off and bring down their walls. And enough that the bartender happily called them a cab when they closed down the bar and were some of the last patrons remaining. The cab took them to Abby's first and Tony walked her to her door with the cab waiting at the curb.
Tony gave her a big hug goodnight and when they pulled back so she could go inside they found themselves instead meeting halfway in a fierce kiss. Something about death makes people want to reconnect with life, and when they broke the kiss but stayed close enough to share breath Abby whispered, "Stay."
And after paying the cabby, he did.
When the morning sun's gentle rays started filtering in, Tony cracked an eye. For a moment didn't know where he was, then it all hit him and he looked down at the woman he had tucked protectively under his arm. He tried to process it all as he looked down on Abby, looking like a tired angel sleeping on his chest.
He found some feelings coursing through him that he didn't know if he really wanted to examine, didn't want to recognize, and he silently prayed that this wouldn't ruin their friendship. He unconsciously squeezed her in tighter at that thought, and an ever complying Abby snuggled in closer and sighed contently.
Tony's mind was still spinning when he heard her sleepy voice say, "I could get used to this, Tony," as she planted a feathery kiss on his chest.
He bent his head and kissed the top of her head and said honestly, "Me too, Abs. Me too."
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3 Weeks Later
It hadn't taken them long to get used to it at all, and more nights of the week than not found them together at her place or his. Their friendship had always been full of teasing and laughter and now as lovers the teasing took on whole new layers.
They were very discrete at the office, both wanting to keep their new status private. They thought they had been successful, but Gibbs knew. He knew the first Monday morning after as a matter of fact. It wasn't in anything they did overtly, they hadn't driven in to work together, or held hands, or said anything. It was just in their eyes when they looked at each other, and Gibbs had caught it the first time they were all in the lab at the same time.
Gibbs kept the knowledge to himself. They were adults, and they were adults that had known each other a long time, as long as they kept it out of the office there wouldn't be a problem.
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Sixteen days after their first time came the "Great Condom Incident", as Abby dubbed it, she even wrote "GCI" in big letters on the calender hanging in her kitchen. They had gone clubbing and mauled each other in Abby's front hallway. Neither had wanted to wait the length of time it would have taken Abby to get her diaphragm and they used the condom from Abby's purse solo.
Tony and Abby were not new at the game, and they always played safely although they had been discussing the idea of a blood test and trust. Truth be told, the trust was already there and the blood test itself was more symbolic than anything, they both knew they were fine from their regular checks at work. It was just another step forward in their relationship, and that was what it was: a relationship. One that was full of support and caring, playfulness and bickering, sharing and compromise, and most importantly, love. The words hadn't actually been said yet, but they were always there in the room with them, both afraid to say them as if by saying them it would somehow all go away.
So when they lost themselves in each other in that hallway a little high on beer and adrenaline from the club and that condom let them down, neither really panicked.
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Present
It had been an absolutely crazy week, back to back cases that kept everyone scurrying around. Abby felt even more of the pressure as she was getting evidence thrust at her from all the teams.
Gibbs' team had finally caught a breather and Tony was at his desk trying to get caught up on paperwork. He was really hoping that they would have the weekend off. He and Abby hadn't really had any quality time together all week, crawling into bed and curling up around each other to try and catch three hours of sleep before needing to be back at the office didn't count.
He knew Abby was tired, and stressed, and if his mental calculations were correct, she was also fighting pms. With that thought in mind he took a break and hit the vending machine for her favorite chocolate bar and made his way to her lab.
The music was on but a little more on the bluesy-jazz side rather than her normal head-pounding metal. He admired the view of her in one of her favorite little skirts and kneesocks for a moment before she realized he was there. She gave him a quick smile and he could see the circles under her eyes and, if possible, she seemed a little paler than usual.
"Hey, Abs," he said going to stand next to her at the bench.
"Gibbs know you're down here goofing off?" she teased.
"I'm not afraid of Gibbs...," at her questioning eyebrow he added, "Ah, no, he doesn't know."
She giggled then suddenly stopped. She gripped the bench but Tony saw her legs give out and caught her before she could hit the floor.
Abby woke up to see the fuzzy images of three very concerned men staring at her. One more frantic than the others, but deadly quiet.
Ducky was taking her pulse. "Ah, back with us, Abigail?"
"What happened?"
Gibbs' voice dragged her attention away from Ducky, "You passed out, Abs. Just about gave DiNozzo a heart attack."
Her eyes flew to Tony's. He had her other hand in a death grip, his face awash with worry. His silence screaming volumes about how worried he was. "Tony, I'm okay."
She attempted to sit up and got dizzy again. Thankfully Tony was there for her to lean against.
"Have you been feeling ill, Abby?" Ducky asked.
"No. Just tired. It's been a crazy week. I'm so embarrassed."
"When was the last time you ate anything?"
She made a face at that, "I've been a little queasy the past couple of days, I haven't really had much of an appetite."
Gibbs sighed. "You don't think that maybe that falls under the heading of "feeling ill", Abs?"
"I guess. I've just been swamped, I didn't really think about it, Gibbs."
"How is your stomach now, Abby?"
"It's better now than it was earlier."
"Good. Now Anthony had brought you a chocolate bar. Think you can manage that?" Ducky asked as he held out the candy bar.
"Yeah." Tony finally released her hand so she could open the chocolate and she ate it in short order as the men supervised.
Some of the color returned to her cheeks as she ate it, and when she had finished it and washed it down with a bottle of water, Ducky said, "I suspect that the reason you lost consciousness is the combination of a lack of sleep and hypoglycemia. Now I want you to go home, eat a healthy meal and get some rest. Think you can manage that?"
She shook her head. "I can't leave, there's too much to do."
Gibbs sighed again. "DiNozzo, take her home now, feed her and put her to bed. I don't want to see either of you until Monday."
Abby started to protest, "But, Gibbs...," when Tony spoke for the first time.
His voice was firm and brooked no nonsense, "No buts, Abby. While you get your stuff together, I'm going to go bring the car around."
Gibbs smirked to himself. He knew that Tony would take care of "his" girl.
He and Ducky waited with her as she shut down the lab and got her purse and coat. They escorted her up to the bullpen and Tony met them there. For a brief moment Tony's eyes met Gibbs' and there was approval in them that Tony hadn't expected to see.
Tony got her home and situated on the couch as he put together a quick dinner of pasta, salad and bread. He had been unusually quiet and didn't really speak until they were settled on the couch with their food.
"You scared me, Abs."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"You should have told me you didn't feel well."
Abby picked at her food, "I know. I just didn't think it was that big a deal."
Tony looked down at his plate, distractedly pushing the penne around the plate, and his voice was low when he replied, "It is a big deal. I love you and if something's wrong I need to know."
The words were out, said quietly with a world of emotion behind them. She didn't didn't say anything, simply met his eyes and nodded. More words would have just gotten in the way.
They napped together on the couch, falling asleep in front of the television. And when he woke later, he carried her to bed and tucked them both in, pulling her close to him.
And in that space, that moment between being awake and asleep, she whispered into his chest, "I love you too."
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Tony woke the next morning to the sound of Abby in the bathroom retching. He got her a washcloth for her face and some water to rinse her mouth out. Then getting her settled back in bed with the plastic trash can from the bathroom at the bedside just in case, he called Ducky and filled him in on Abby's current state.
Promising to stop by in the early afternoon, Ducky advised Tony to keep Abby hydrated as best he could.
Tony made himself some coffee and was standing there staring at, but not really seeing, the coffee pot as his mind whirled and he tried not to worry about Abby.
The past two months had been incredible. He and Abby just... clicked. They had the same energy level and the same sometimes childish enthusiasm for things and yet both were serious professionals when it came to their jobs. They were good for each other. They were both very independent people, neither of which could tolerate a clingy significant other, and neither of of them were looking for someone to "take care" of them. They just wanted to be with someone that cared about them for who they were, all of who they were.
Tony would be the first to admit that he didn't know how to really do the relationship thing. He could do the dating thing, the boyfriend thing, the going out to dinner and winding up in bed thing, but the real relationship thing was a whole new ballgame. He had learned a few things in his fiasco with Jeanne, about himself and about relationships, but it was different with Abby.
Abby made him feel ten-feet tall and bullet proof. She could laugh away his insecurities and boost his ego without even trying, and he found himself wanting to protect her. Well, he had always protected her as a friend, but now he wanted to protect her from the rest of the world. He wanted to protect her from all the ugliness and darkness that they both saw every day even though he couldn't, and he wanted to protect her from any of a thousand slights because of her appearance that she pretended not to hear, even though he knew she did.
More recently he wanted to protect her from the things that go bump in the night. He found himself envisioning himself as the dad in the movies that goes prowling around the house with a baseball bat after his wife hears a noise in the house. The daydreams of living with Abby in that kind of suburban utopia with the house with the white picket fence and a family of their own kept getting more vivid. It was something he had never, except for the briefest moment when he had burned Jeanne's note, realized that he wanted.
But he did, and if the past couple of months were any indication, he and Abby had that future. They would get there eventually he had no doubt, but they had both had things go badly in the past and they were taking things slowly and letting their relationship grow as it would.
The coffee pot gurgled and Tony grabbed a mug out of the cupboard. He heard Abby retching again in the other room and sighed, he felt useless and helpless. He wanted to wave a magic wand and make her feel better in a flash, but he couldn't. He took a quick sip of the scalding coffee and left the mug on the counter, thinking that the smell wouldn't be good for Abby's stomach, and went to go hold her hair and her hand and at least be in the room with her as he was being useless.
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Finally about lunchtime, Abby's stomach finally settled down enough for her to attempt some chicken broth and saltines and she and Tony were both nestled in their favorite corners of the couch watching a movie when Ducky arrived.
Ducky knew that Tony was indeed a caring person, a gentle soul at heart, even though his comic fraternity boy demeanor at the office hid it well. It really was all a show, a facade Tony could hide behind, something to mask all his own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. He also knew that eventually the right woman would find a way to sneak behind that facade and steal Tony's heart when he wasn't looking. Although Ducky knew that Abby and Tony were very close, he never expected that the woman to finally win Tony's true affection would have been Abby, but he had seen it in the younger man's eyes as he silently held Abby's hand when she fainted. He loved her, and she him, and Ducky was happy for them both. He had a sneaking suspicion about something, however, that he prayed wouldn't tear his two dear friends asunder.
When Ducky tried to shoo Tony out of the living room so he could examine and talk to Abby, she wouldn't hear of it. "Ducky, it's fine. I'm going to tell him everything anyway so he might as well hear it first hand."
He took her blood pressure and listened to her heart and lungs, all of which were normal, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with her, she wasn't even queasy at the moment. Ducky was a man of words, and could talk the paint off the walls if he tried hard enough, but he was stumbling over the right words to tell them what he suspected the cause of Abby's symptoms to be.
"So what do you think, Duck? Food poisoning or stomach flu or something?" Tony asked standing next to the couch near Abby.
Ducky sighed. "I actually suspect it is the "or something", Tony." He said and paused before starting to speak and pausing again.
Abby was getting nervous. "What is it, Ducky? Just tell us. Please."
Ducky took a deep breath. "Look, you are both old enough that I'm not going to give you the lecture about the effectiveness of the various methods of birth control," he said as he reached into his bag and pulled out a little box, "So I will just come right out and say that I suspect that Abigail's condition is perfectly normal for a pregnant woman."
You could have heard a pin drop in the room as all three of them stared at the pregnancy test box in Ducky's hands. Ever so slowly Abby and Tony's eyes met, and what happened next couldn't possibly have surprised Ducky any more than it did. They both said simultaneously, "The Great Condom Incident."
Their faces weren't giving away any emotion one way or another though, and it concerned Ducky. Abby's hand found Tony's and they both squeezed.
Tony's mind was a whirlwind, and he closed his eyes for a moment to try and process. A baby, his baby. At that thought the corners of his mouth curled up of their own accord and as he opened his eyes and refocused his attention on Abby's face he realized she was nervously biting her bottom lip waiting to see his reaction. His smile broadened as he looked at her and he said softly, "A baby. Us. Wow."
He could feel the relief course through Abby and he felt bad, did she really think he would have run for the hills? He made a mental note that they really needed to talk about that, but the enormous smile she gave him a moment later pushed the thought out of his head as she said, "Yeah. Wow."
Ducky cleared his throat. "Not to put a damper on things, but you should use this pregnancy test first thing tomorrow morning to confirm my suspicion. There is a nasty stomach virus making the rounds but since Abby feels better later in the day I am leaning more towards morning sickness being the culprit rather than that virus. If it is positive, Abby, you should make an appointment with your regular physician as soon as possible. And might I add that you both seem to be taking this news far better than I had anticipated."
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A little later after Ducky had left they were sitting on the couch, Tony had his feet up on the coffee table and Abby was lounging on him and using him as a pillow. They both kept staring at the little box on the coffee table.
Tony's active imagination was flipping through a photo album of pictures yet to come in his mind. He could see a very pregnant Abby, he could see the two of them holding a newborn in the hospital, he could see them with a toddler in a stroller, he could see himself coaching t-ball, he could just see it all. They would be a family, a real family, and somehow the thought of a baby just completed all of his previous imaginings of his goth-inspired suburban utopia.
He stroked Abby's arm absently, not realizing that even his slightest touch made her feel safe and cherished and said, "You know I've been thinking about the future a lot lately."
Abby tensed a little, half afraid of what he was going to say, she had been really quiet since Ducky left, and insecure, both of which where very un-Abby like. She knew they both loved each other, but sometimes love wasn't enough in a relationship. "Would I like what you've been thinking?"
He chuckled, "I hope so. I just keep seeing us, together, and I really want that. And now we might be having a baby, and I want that too. I want us to be a family, Abs. I love you and I don't want to lose you."
She sat up and took his chin in her hand and made his eyes meet hers, "You mean that?"
"Yeah, I do. But what about you?"
"I want what we have. I didn't tell you how I felt till last night because I was afraid I'd scare you away. I scare everybody away." She dropped her eyes and he could see her bottom lip almost quivering.
He pulled her in and squeezed her tightly and whispered into her hair, "Hey, I'm not going anywhere. I love you, Miss Scuito. I think you're stuck with me."
She replied quietly, "You're really okay with it if I'm pregnant?"
"Are you kidding? I can't stop thinking about it. I haven't been able to decide if I'd want a boy or a girl though. I keep picturing a little girl with your eyes and your pigtails and smart as anything but then I'll picture a little boy with my devilish good looks who's captain of the little league team. I'll be honest, the thought of being someone's father sort freaks me out, I don't have a whole lot of positive experiences to draw from, but I figured that loving 'em would be a good place to start right?"
Abby pulled back and looked at Tony and just before she kissed him said, "The best place to start."
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tbc...