Archive of Our Own

ONE

Living in the Watch Tower as a member of the New Avengers was quite an adjustment, but John couldn't complain much. It was better than sitting at home alone, wallowing in his own self-pity about his wife-... ex-wife and son and reading the very few- and quite frankly, bad news articles about himself. 

John couldn't say that he loved everyone on the team but he supposed they were all good teammates, adequate fighters and they were all trying to become better people together. 

Before a few months ago, John supposed he never really had a group of people who cared about him that way. Or people who paid attention to him so much. 

See when you live in a tower with five other people (usually four as Bucky was usually out doing... well whatever he did as a Congressman), going through the same routines every day, they're bound to notice what you like and don't like. They'll understand how you operate on a day to day basis. John sure has noticed things like how Alexei sleeps in late or how Ava hates most fruits- except oranges for some odd reason, or that Yelena enjoys watching garbage reality tv shows. Surface level things, but still things that most people wouldn't be able to know. 

However, one person in the tower seemed to pay a lot more attention than anyone else: Bob. Maybe that was because he was always in the tower, he didn't normally go on missions with them. Maybe he was bored a lot of the time and didn't have anything else to entertain himself with. Or maybe he was just an observant person. 

Either way, he kept noticing things about John and... well John didn't really know how to feel about it. It seemed Bob's intention was always to embarrass John whenever he did it. 

Case and point, yesterday, it was John's turn to go out and get groceries for the tower. Only taking a small glance at the weather, John threw on a coat and headed towards the door. 

"Oh Walker!" a voice called from behind him. John turned around to see Bob chasing him down with a slip of paper in his hand. Aware now that John's attention was on him, the other man became a bit more timid. He held out the paper for John. "You- uh. You almost forgot the list." 

John raised an eyebrow as he took the paper and looked it over. "Since when did we have a list?" He muttered mostly to himself, almost forgetting Bob was there, but it seemed he'd heard what John said. 

"I made it yesterday when you guys were on that mission," Bob told him. John hummed in understanding but Bob continued to ramble after. "I just thought it would be a good idea since sometimes you guys are like, 'oh my god why don't we have any peanut butter' or whatever..." 

"Right," John replied shortly, finally looking back up at Bob. "Well thanks Bobb-" Walker cut himself off. He had a horrible habit of calling him "Bobby." At least in his head, that's how he thought of him. When he'd first met Bob he'd also called him Bobby. It was just an instinct somehow. But after witnessing the horrible memories of Bob's father, well it felt wrong calling him Bobby knowing it'd probably just bring back all of those memories and John didn't want Bob to feel that way. 

It was hard though. John didn't know where it was coming from or why he kept almost calling him Bobby even though he knew it was wrong. He just kept repeating: Bob, bob, bob in his head and hoped it stuck one day. 

Bob didn't notice his stutter though and simply smiled at John, some of his nervous energy dissipating. 

"I'm off then," John told him and was going to turn around before yet again Bob stopped him by uttering a meek "wait a second!" 

John turned around to face Bob and let out a small sigh as he asked, "Yes Bob?" 

Bob swallowed thickly and John started feeling bad about being so frustrated with his teammate, and tried to release some of the tension in his shoulders. 

"Your jacket is unzipped," Bob answered. John looked down to see that his jacket was unzipped. John wasn't going to bother doing it up, but before he could tell Bob he'd be fine, Bob took the zipper in his hands and did up his coat for him. 

John's eyebrows raised in surprise, and a heat followed when Bob patted his chest after zipping it up to the top. John looked at Bob to see him smiling proudly at the coat he just zipped up, completely unaware of the feeling in John's stomach that John himself didn't understand at the moment. 

"It's pretty cold outside today," Bob stumbled out and looked up at John with big blue eyes. "At least that's what the news said."

"I-... Uh..." Too much was happening in John's head that he couldn't for the life of him make himself form a coherent sentence to respond to Bob. Trying to get anything to bring him back to earth, he felt the list in his hands and remembered. "Groceries!" John practically yelled, making Bob flinch slightly, but more out of surprise than fear. "I'm going to get the groceries now. See you later, Bob." 

Before Bob could once again stop him, John made it out of the door. 

As he went down the elevator, John reminded himself to take deep breaths. He had no clue what that was all about, only that he didn't like it. Bob was too observant and that couldn't be a good thing, could it? 

Despite that, Bob was right. It was quite chilly outside and John kept his jacket zipped up the whole time. 

TWO

For the days following the moment kept repeating in John's head. How had Bob gotten him so... embarrassed so easily? His face got all red any time he thought of the moment. He wanted to purge his brain of the warmth he'd felt when Bob's hand touched his chest, but John was afraid that would be scarred into his memory forever. 

So for a few days afterwards, John was quite awkward around Bob and kept his space a little more. He couldn't risk any more of those feelings arising, and even though John didn't exactly know what they meant, he knew they couldn't be good. 

He was more than relieved when he and Yelena ended up going on a stakeout mission that would last the whole evening, which was perfect. Evenings in the WatchTower were prime socializing time for the team. Usually they'd try to eat dinner together, talk about their days. Sometimes nights ended with a movie or binge watching a tv show (all of them loved Brooklyn Nine-Nine). All of that involved seeing Bob and well... the reason for John not wanting that to happen was obvious. 

The mission they were on was low stakes and there was a small chance they'd actually see any incriminating acts take place, but any excuse John had to get out of the tower, he would take. 

He and Yelena were sitting in a dark van in a small underground parking garage. Very few people were there besides them, and those who did come in were businessmen from the building above them. They'd been there for around five hours now and John's stomach was starting to rumble. The mission had popped up so quickly that neither Yelena nor John had thought to pack any food. John just had to suck it up until they got back to the tower. 

"What's your problem with Bob?" Yelena asked out of the blue. 

John tensed. He'd hoped no one would notice the way he was treating Bob, but sadly he was mistaken. "I don't have a problem with Bob," John sighed. 

Yelena made a sound that John supposed was a laugh but sounded more like a snort. "Oh please. I mean I know you're an asshole and you've always been... abrasive to him and everyone else but... lately it's just a whole other level," Yelena explained. "Don't think I missed the way you jumped at the opportunity to get out of the house this evening." 

"Maybe I was just bored and wanted a mission," John spat back. 

"Maybe," Yelena said in a completely unconvinced tone. "Or maybe you're just trying to get away from Bob." 

John sighed. He didn't want this to become an issue. He liked Bob, he did. He just didn't like whatever happened that moment before he went out for groceries. He didn't like that he was thinking about it 24/7. He didn't like that he wanted the feeling back, of the warmth on his chest. He didn't like that he wanted to feel that warmth across his body every second of every day. He didn't like the way his cheeks got all flushed thinking about it. And he definitely didn't like that he was thinking about it now and Yelena was seeing him get all embarrassed all over again over Bob! 

"Are you okay, Walker?" Yelena asked, sounding concerned. John realized he'd never answered her question and instead started spiraling about everything. 

"Yeah I'm fine," He assured her. "I don't dislike Bob. He's a good guy. It's just... we had like... there was a weird moment between us. I think I'm just making it all up though because he seems to have no problem with me." 

"No he doesn't," Yelena responded. "So just... whatever it was, just talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll understand." 

How could Bob possibly understand when I don't even understand? John thought to himself. Outwardly he gave a curt smile to Yelena and nodded. "Yeah. Maybe I'll try." 

The rest of the mission they sat in silence, and three hours later, around a quarter to 2 AM, the two of them decided the stakeout was a bust and headed back to the tower. 

When they got back they tried to keep their movements quiet, assuming everyone would be asleep. Only to find that they were wrong. Taking a few steps into their floor, they found Bob sitting in their living room, wide awake, watching the TV on a low volume. He noticed them immediately. 

"Hey you guys are back!" He exclaimed, in a hushed tone as he got up off the couch. 

"Bob, what are you still doing up?" Yelena asked him as she went to hug him in greeting. John stayed lingering in the entrance to the living room, watching them with a pit in his stomach, but unsure as to why it was there. 

Bob simply shrugged as he pulled out of the door. "Couldn't sleep. I just wanted to make sure that you two got back in one piece." He chuckled slightly, but John could tell it was only to mask his nerves.

"You had nothing to worry about Bob," Yelena told him, also picking up on the traces of anxiety in his words. "The mission was low-stakes. Nothing even happened, right Walker?" Yelena turned to him, so did Bob. His blue eyes staring straight at him. 

John nodded. "Yeah. It was fine. Nothing dangerous happened. And Yelena and I didn't try to kill each other either." 

Bob laughed softly at that and Yelena gave John a smile, telling him that he was doing a good job at amending whatever was broken between them. 

"I think I'm going to head to bed," Yelena stated and patted Bob on the shoulder as she headed towards their bedrooms. "I'll see you two in the morning." 

"Goodnight," he called, as she left. He suddenly gasped. "Wait-!" He tried but Yelena was already gone. 

"Everything okay?" John asked Bob. 

Bob turned to John, as if he'd forgotten John was still in the room. "Oh yeah, it's just I know you guys didn't eat. You guys left in a rush and I tried to make sandwiches for you guys really quickly but when I was done you guys were already gone," he admitted. "Do you want yours?" 

"I'm kind of tired, Bobb-" There John goes again, almost calling the boy Bobby. Before he got the chance to continue turning down Bob's late night dinner proposal, his stomach betrayed him and let out a large growl of hunger. 

Bob raised an eyebrow, challenging whatever John was about to say. The rejection died on his tongue. Instead John simply sighed. "Sure, I'd love a sandwich, Bob." 

John could tell this had Bob happy, as Bob walked a little taller and faster towards the kitchen. John sat down at the table as Bob pulled out the sandwich from the fridge and presented it on a plate to John. Bob then sat down beside him with a glass of water for himself. 

"It's ham, lettuce and mustard," Bob told him, that's when John realized he was simply staring at the sandwich instead of eating it. 

John shook his head, snapping himself out of whatever daze he was just in. "Sorry, like I said I'm just tired," John explained to Bob. 

He then picked up the sandwich and saw Bob looking eagerly at John to see what he'd say about it. So John took a bite, and yeah, it was a good sandwich. John gave him a thumbs up. "Tastes great," he told Bob when he finished chewing. 

Bob beamed at him. "Really?" He asked. 

"Yeah, it is," John nodded. He took another bite, then realized something. "Wait, how did you know what kind of sandwiches I like?" 

"Oh," Bob said, then shrugged. "I've seen you make it before. Tried it out for myself once. You've got good sandwich taste, I can tell you that now." 

John couldn't help but let out a short chuckle at the absurdity of the statement and shook his head at Bob. "Thank you. I guess," he said. "And thanks for making this sandwich. You didn't have to do that." 

Under the table, John felt a foot rub against his own, and well... There was only one other person at the table. Bob smiled at him as if this was the most normal thing in the world, meanwhile John's whole brain was short circuiting from the contact and he had no clue why. And the cherry on top? Bob replied by saying "I wanted to." 

John knew his face had gone red, so he started stuffing his face with the sandwich. God what was Bob doing to him? John really should've tried harder to keep Bob away. Yelena was wrong, John couldn't simply talk to Bob about these feelings. John didn't even know what they were. He was just... embarrassed by Bob even though no one else was around. Was this boy trying to break down his ego? John knew it was a problem, but this was a cruel and unusual way to get John to change his actions. Couldn't Bob just talk to John like a normal person? 

All the thoughts rushed into John's mind like a flood gate, while Bob sat beside him in what seemed like comfortable silence for him. John tried his best to not look like he was trying to inhale his sandwich in order to get away from Bob and this inescapable heat he was feeling. But that was exactly what John was trying to do. 

"I'll see you tomorrow Bob," John said, half his mouth still full as he went to put his plate in the sink. 

"Oh!" Bob said, apparently not realizing that John was finished until that moment. "Goodnight, Walker. See you tomorrow." 

With that John headed to his room and tried his best to get some sleep. But even in sleep, his dreams were filled with a man with a mop of brown hair. 

THREE 

Now John was in a bit of a predicament. He didn't want to seem like he had any sort of problem with Bobby (It's BOB not Bobby, he thought to himself) but at the same time, he didn't want any more moments where he felt caught off guard. The more and more John thought about those moments the more and more they intensified and John couldn't have that. They were messing with his focus. When sparring with Alexei he let himself think of the sound of Bob's laughter for a single moment and suddenly he was sucker-punched in the face. And that was only training. John didn't want to know what might happen should he go on a mission where he had to fight. 

Trying to push down these feelings wasn't working. He toyed with the idea of talking to Bob about it, but what was he supposed to say? "Hey Bob, you keep making me embarrassed and I get a weird feeling in my stomach every time you touch me so please don't do that." No, that sounded absolutely ridiculous. John would just have to suck it up and hope that whatever this was would go away. 

But they didn't. They kept growing. 

"Hey Walker," Bucky hollered to him as he entered the living room where John was sitting on the couch reading over some news articles. Bob was also in the living room, watching some reruns of Friends sitting on the opposite side of the couch. As Bucky walked over to them, John realized he looked annoyed at John while also in a suit he wore to his important congressmen meetings and events. "What are you doing still sitting on your ass?" 

John raised his hands in defence. "Whoa! Okay, hello to you as well Barnes." 

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Walker, why are you not getting ready?" 

"Ready for what?" John asked, confused about what Bucky was so hot and bothered about. 

"The charity event I'm a part of that you said that you'd go to," Bucky reminded him, and the conversation that John had almost forgotten came back to him. 

"Oh shit!" John yelled and jumped off the couch and headed for his room to get ready. 

"You've got 15 minutes, Walker!" Bucky called from the living room, while John was already closing the door to his room and scrounging around his closet looking for an appropriate suit for the event. 

John was just ready in the nick of time, with one minute to spare, only to find that he and Bucky were not the only ones dressed up. It was impossible not to notice Bob in something other than casual clothes. The man practically lived in oversized hoodies and t-shirts. Now his form was on display in a white button up shirt that was just slightly too tight for him and dress pants that showcased all his curves. The heat was back and spreading across John's body like a wildfire he couldn't control and Bob was nowhere near him now. 

"Finally took you long enough," Bucky grumbled, snapping John out of his thoughts of Bob. 

What the fuck is wrong with me? John thought to himself. 

"Bobb-" John cut himself off before he said it. "Is Bob coming?" 

"Yeah, he wanted to come. Said he could get changed quickly and well it's not a mission. You'll be there and he will be fine," Bucky explained. "Now let's go. We've wasted enough time with questions." And with that Bucky started marching his way towards the door, Bobby (oh for fucks sake John it's BOB) following closely behind him. 

John sighed then quickly followed after them, catching up to Bucky in particular. 

"So does that mean I'll be with him the whole time?" John inquired under his breath so Bob wouldn't hear. 

"I said no more questions Walker," Bucky scowled, then after a moment he added, "but yes. Is that a problem?" Bucky gave him a sharp judgmental look that made John nearly flinch back in surprise. 

John shook his head. "No problem." 

Bucky gave John a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes as he replied. "Good." 

From there until they arrived at the event they didn't talk. Well except for Bob of course who had many questions for Bucky about what charity it was, what Bucky's whole role in it was and what kind of food they had. Bucky of course answered all of Bobby's (yeah, whatever, at this point he couldn't stop it like his ever present and confusing feelings) questions, while giving John the stink eye any chance that he could. 

Once they arrived at the venue there were many photographers and reporters who wanted to take both Bucky and John's photo. Bob was still a mystery to most people so luckily when they stepped out of the car he wasn't being harassed. Although, as they made their way through the people, turning down interviews Bob grabbed onto John's hand. 

For a moment John stopped right where he stood. He looked down at his hand, now intertwined with Bob's, he looked back up at Bobby who just had the dopiest smile on his face, and saw nothing wrong with the predicament that was making John's heartbeat louder than all the chatter and commotion around him. 

"Walker, come on!" Bucky's voice demanded and pulled John's shoulder to keep him moving. 

John immediately came back to reality. The son of a bitch had done it again. John felt his cheeks were aflame and man it really was Bob’s goal to try to embarrass him in any way he could. It was fine when it was simply in the tower but here? In public? John couldn’t believe it. 

As they walked inside, Bob did not let go of John's hand and John was really trying not to think about it, but it was hard when his stomach was making him feel like he was on a rollercoaster. His heartbeat was growing increasingly louder and he couldn't stop it. 

A part of John knew he could just let go and all of this suffering and embarrassment could end. But if he did that, Bob would only think that John hated him or take it the wrong way. Also the guy was small, it was easy for him to get lost in crowds. So as they got their lanyards (saying guest of James Barnes) and made their way to the seating area, John’s hand was completely interlinked with Bob’s. 

They took their seats and finally, John was able to let go of Bob’s hand as they had no fear of losing each other. When they let go, a small part of John felt cold. He sort of missed his stomach twisting and turning. A small part of him wanted to hold Bobby’s hand again. John quickly realized what a ridiculous notion that was and simply awaited the presentation’s start. 

“Hey,” Bob said, getting both John and Bucky’s attention. “Do either of you know where the bathroom is?” 

“Oh yeah, it’s just over there, to the left,” Bucky pointed to a small hallway near the entrance. 

Bob smiled. “Thanks, Bucky.” 

“You’ll be okay?” John could help but ask before Bob went off. 

Bob simply gave John a warm smile. “Thanks John but I’m okay.” He then winked before heading off in the direction that Bucky pointed to, leaving John with his eyebrows shot up in surprise and his face even redder than before. 

“Okay what is going on between you two?” Bucky asked, making John turn towards him. John gave him a quizzical look before prompting him to continue. “When did you two start dating and how come no one’s told me?” 

Now that made John even more shocked. “DATING? What are you talking about?”

“Oh please Walker. The hand holding, whatever the fuck that small conversation was about. You guys aren’t being subtle,” Bucky told him. 

“Barnes. Me and Bob are not dating,” John responded. 

Bucky let out a loud laugh at that, although John wasn’t quite sure what was so funny. When Bucky realized that John wasn’t laughing along with him, he stopped and pinched his eyebrows together as he stared at John. “Oh you’re serious,” Bucky realized out loud. 

“You thought I was joking?” John retorted. 

“Yeah, because if you're not then I’m watching the world's shittiest soap opera,” Bucky remarked. “So you don’t like Bob then?” 

“I like him,” John said. “But I don’t like him in the way that you're implying. I’m straight, Barnes.” 

Bucky shook his head. “Whatever you say to help you sleep at night, Walker.” 

John was about to defend himself more on the subject when Bob came back and took his seat between John and Bucky. As he sat down and got comfortable, his thigh brushed against John’s igniting warmth and the roller coaster in his stomach all over again. Like a spark or domino effect that happened only when Bob was near. 

“Anything happen while I was gone?” Bob asked. 

John glanced at Bucky, who did the same for him. John turned back to face the screen away from him. 

“No,” he and Bucky said in sync. 

“Okay…” Bob drawled. 

John couldn’t believe Bucky had insinuated that he and Bobby were dating. Though it did lead John to believe maybe Bob had feelings for John. It would make all of his previous actions make sense, paying attention to John more than the others or the little touches he instigated. It made sense that maybe Bob harboured some romantic feelings for John. 

John suppressed a groan at this realization. Bob already thought that John didn’t like him, if he rejected him on his feelings, things in the team would never be the same. Or if he rejected him and it turned out that Bob never had feelings in the first place that would be a whole new level of embarrassment for him. Maybe that was Bob’s game. Making John think that he was in love with him, only for Bob to turn him down and find out it was all some ruse to embarrass John even further. 

That, in John’s mind, was the most logical explanation. So John would keep playing along with this silly game of Bobby’s, soon enough he'd give it up and everything would go back to how it was supposed to be. 

FOUR

So John may have seriously been considering the fact he might not be straight. 

Following everything that happened at the charity event, John really thought that Bucky was insane thinking that he was anything but straight. He’d only been with women his entire life. He’d never once thought about a guy that way. It just… wasn’t him. 

What he was questioning was whether or not Bob was straight. A small part of John wanted to believe that Bob wasn’t straight and was really into him. Why John wanted that, well he didn’t dwell on that. What he did dwell on was the other idea he’d had that Bob wasn’t straight and was instead just trying to embarrass John in some weird and twisted way. 

Throughout the week John let things try and go back to normal, but now anytime Bob embarrassed him in some sort of way, John simply didn’t let it phase him. He pretended that there was nothing wrong with what Bob was doing. He pushed down all those heart racing feelings that threatened to crack his composure. And it was working pretty well until the other night. 

As John mentioned before, sometimes after suppers, the team would sit down and watch a movie together. That night they’d had a later dinner, as Bucky said he’d join them once he was finished with a quick work thing. So the team ate all together at around 8:00. Fine whatever. Everyone was finished and all the dishes were washed by around 8:45 when they all headed into the living room to watch a movie together. After around 20 minutes of bickering they finally decided to watch The Hunger Games as their movie for the night. 

Now, from what John had observed, Bob was a relatively early sleeper (at least on most days when he could fall asleep) and the movie was around two hours so John was a little bit worried on the get-go, but he decided to not bring it up. 

Of course Bob continued this little game of his and decided to sit right beside John during the movie. Their legs were pressed up together and John had already moved as close to the end of the couch as he possibly could. His stomach started doing loops again, but he managed to contain his heartbeat before it got too loud and forced himself to focus on the movie. 

Everything was going fine until around halfway through the movie he felt a sudden pressure on his shoulder. John didn’t jump just slightly twisted, only to see Bob fast asleep, his head now resting on John’s shoulder. How Bob was able to fall asleep so easily while children were being murdered on screen, John didn’t know. All he knew was that he was now stuck with the consequences of it. 

John’s stomach fully flipped, all the feelings he’d been withholding before suddenly arose, feeling Bob’s breath on his neck and feeling his brown curls tickle the side of his face. John knew his face had gone completely red at this point and he didn’t even care, he just wished he could hear over the sound of his own heartbeat and a rhythmic chanting in his head that sounded a lot like Bob’s name. 

John looked around at everyone else to see they were all engaged in the movie and had not yet noticed the incriminating position that they were currently in. And yes, John easily could move but then Bob would wake up and well that would just cause more of a commotion. Then who knows maybe Bob wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. 

So John stayed as still as he could. After the first few minutes of discomfort, John felt himself starting to relax a bit. The warmth growing inside him didn’t seem that scary anymore. It really felt… right. It felt comfortable. All this time he’d been interpreting it as bad, but it couldn’t be this bad when John felt so… loved in the moment. 

Then Bob had to go and ruin all that comfort by letting out a loud snore. The sound caused everyone’s attention to fall on John and Bob- who was still asleep. 

Ava was the first to break and let out a loud yelp of laughter, to which John simply rolled his eyes at. 

“Looks like Bob’s found a new pillow,” Yelena snickered. 

“Aww, they are so cute,” Alexei said, in that big booming voice of his that somehow didn’t wake Bob. “Walker, you look very red are you feeling alright?” To that John gave Alexei the nastiest side eye he could. 

“I think Walker's feeling just fine,” Bucky snarked and gave John a small wink. 

“Okay I don’t want to hear it from you, Barnes,” John hissed, trying to keep his voice low. 

“Why look at that,” Ava said, composing herself from her laughing fit. “John Walker actually cares about someone. Well now I’ve seen everything.” 

“I don’t-” John’s defence promptly got cut off by a large gasp by Alexei. 

Alexei pointed at the screen. “The little girl just died!” He exclaimed, thus getting everyone’s attention back on the movie. John was barely paying attention to the movie beforehand so he really had no clue what was going on at that point or why everyone else seemed to be so upset that she died. 

Though the movie caught their attention for a short period of time, John noticed the stares he got from the rest of his team as he continued to let Bobby snooze through the movie. Yelena and Ava giggled whenever they looked back at him, Bucky just gave him looks and John knew he was thinking that John was gay or whatever. Alexei even tried to take a picture of the two of them once, to which John held up a middle finger. But he knew in the picture Alexei did get, John's face would be completely red. 

If this was really some sort of sick joke, then Bob was really good at pretending to sleep because this was really embarrassing the hell out of John. But John was now thinking maybe the second option was viable. That maybe Bob did have actual feelings for John and that’s why he’d been doing everything he was doing. 

The movie finished and Bob was still sleeping on John’s shoulder. The rest of the team laughed at him for letting him sleep for that long on his shoulder. 

“It’s just Bob okay?” John would respond. 

“So what, you're just going to sit there all night?” Yelena asked. 

John was about to shrug but then realized that would involve moving the shoulder Bob was currently using as a pillow, so he settled for a sigh instead. “Maybe. Just leave okay? I don’t want him to be embarrassed when he wakes up.” 

Bucky gave a low chuckle. “Sure that’s why.” 

“What do you keep going on about that the rest of us don’t know, Bucky?” Ava asked him. 

Bucky simply shook his head which John was very thankful for. “Nothing. I just enjoy teasing Walker. Now let’s head out and give them some privacy.” 

John watched as that comment caused both Ava and Yelena to burst out laughing. Slowly one by one they all filed out of the room and into their respective bedrooms. 

John looked down at Bobby to find him so peaceful. Bob was usually so full of energy, whether that be nervous or excitement depended on the day, but it was rare to see him so calm. So at ease. All tension gone from his face, shoulders and mouth. His lips were slightly parted and his breathing was nice and even. If John listened hard enough, he could hear Bob’s heartbeat. John’s own heartbeat was speeding up a bit, staring at him. It’s not fair how someone could look so beautiful as they slept. 

Wait… he thought to himself. Did he just call Bob beautiful?

And that’s when John had enough of staring at Bobby- no he wasn’t staring and he really shouldn’t be getting into the habit of calling Bob, Bobby, it just wasn’t right. Nothing about this was right. 

Despite those thoughts, John was gentle when he started trying to wake up Bobby- BOB. 

“Bob,” John called out to him, as he gently shook his shoulder. “Bob, can you wake up?” 

As if on command, Bob hummed and started moving, but instead of pulling away like John hoped he would, Bob nuzzled his face into the crook of John’s neck. John inhaled sharply at the motion, feeling Bob’s lips graze the side of neck. It was euphoric for a moment. It was all over quite quickly though as Bob moved away not a second later and started blinking his eyes open. His stupidly cute blue eyes. 

“What’s happening?” Bob asked, slowly gaining consciousness, looking around at the living room. 

John reminded himself to breathe properly and not think about how soft Bob’s lips looked right at that moment. “Uh… you kinda fell asleep during the movie,” John stammered. 

“Oh I did?” Bob asked, disappointed. “What did I miss?” 

“Quite a bit but I wasn’t really paying attention,” John answered truthfully. “I do know that both Katniss and Peeta won though.” 

Bob smiled at that. “That’s good. I’m glad they both made it out.” John nodded and watched and Bob looked around the room confused. “Where did everyone else go?” 

“They all went to bed,” John told him. 

“A-And you stayed?” Bob stuttered. 

“Well… um…” John hesitated but then continued. “You sort of fell asleep on me.” 

“On you?” Bob repeated and John hummed in confirmation, not trusting his voice. Bob wasn’t embarrassed by this at all though, and smiled at John. “Well you were a pretty comfortable pillow, if I may say.” 

“Um…” John faltered. “Thanks Bobby.” 

At that Bob’s eyes went wide and he turned pale. It took John a moment to realize what he’d said and immediately a pang of guilt flooded throughout his whole body. 

“Shit,” John muttered. “I-I’m so sorry Bob. I-... It just slipped out. I didn’t… It wasn’t any intention of mine to trigger you or-” 

“John,” Bob interrupted him. “It-... It’s okay.” 

John’s eyebrows pulled together. That wasn’t right. He was probably just being nice to mask his true feelings. “Bob, really no it’s my bad. It wasn’t okay. I shouldn’t have-” 

“No, John,” Bob cut him off once again, this time putting his hands on John’s shoulders and looking directly into John’s eyes. “It’s okay. I don’t want… I think it’s time that I reclaim it. I mean… it’s my name after all, right?” 

John swallowed and nodded slowly, thinking about those damn eyes like a storm he could get lost in and his hands radiating heat that warms him up from head to toe. “Yeah,” John finally responded. 

All too quickly Bob removed his hands from John’s shoulders, and folded them in his lap. “Besides… I liked the way you said it. Like I’m important to you.” 

“You are important to me,” John said, before his brain could catch up with the words on his tongue. 

Bob smiled widely. “Thanks. You’re important to me as well.” 

John wanted to say something else, but his eyes were far too focused on Bob’s lips. Bob’s lips had barely grazed John’s skin but he wanted more and more and- 

John stopped those thoughts as soon as they’d started happening. He could not afford to be thinking those things especially since Bob was sitting right in front of him. 

Thankfully Bob yawned before John’s thoughts were able to become too out of control. “Maybe I should head to bed. I am pretty tired.” 

“Yeah, me too,” John agreed. 

The two of them both headed towards their separate rooms. “Goodnight, John!” Bob called before they got too far away. The action made John’s heart skip a beat. It really was nice to know he was cared about. 

“‘Night Bobby,” John replied, allowing the nickname to slide off his tongue with ease as he always wanted it to. Bob smiled in return then went into his own room, closing the room behind him. As he left, he took all the warmth that John had felt with him and finally John realized maybe there was more to these feelings that met the eye. 

John groaned when he entered his room. He couldn’t believe that he was admitting it but… Bucky was right. John had a major crush on Bob. Because a straight guy did not imagine the smile and laughter of his friend to fall asleep at night. 

John was absolutely fucked. 

FIVE 

John was never the best when it came to his feelings, especially romantic feelings. It had taken around 4 months of his now ex-wife flirting with him for him to take the hint and understand that she was really interested in him. 

Honestly the fact that it only took around 3 weeks for John to realize Bob had feelings for him was a personal record. 

The thing was everything was different now. He’d dabbled in dating a few girls here and there in high school and college. But those were girls, John had no clue how to operate with guys. 

He supposed it would be relatively the same. It’s just none of the girls he’d dated were anything like Bobby. Bob was observant, kind, compassionate and was always buzzing with thoughts and energy. It was very different from how he usually handled things. 

To be completely honest, John wasn’t even sure that Bob liked him that way. All of that stuff could have easily been just platonic. Things Bob did absentmindedly without thinking. Bob probably saw all this as friend behaviour and John was taking it all out of context. But John prayed that that wasn’t the case. 

Ever since that movie night when John realized his feelings for Bob things had been slightly uncomfortable. John found it harder to stop himself from blushing or from fireworks going off in his stomach when Bob merely looked in his direction with that golden smile of his. He had to leave the room quickly when that happened in fear that Bob would catch on to his true feelings. 

John had the feeling that the others thought that John had some sort of a problem with Bob again or that they’d had a big fight. Most of them were now shooting daggers at John with their eyes, going a little harder on him during training and straight up ignoring him sometimes (okay that one wasn’t new, but they were ignoring him more than usual). 

John knew he had to deal with this problem but he didn’t know how.

What if he was right with his original hypothesis, that everything Bob was doing was to make John believe that he had feelings, only to completely humiliate John in front of everybody. Only now things would be so much worse because John had actually caught feelings along the way in this stupid little joke of his.

God Bob was so confusing sometimes! 

What happened next though, confused John even more about the whole situation. 

It was a casual Tuesday night. Everyone had eaten dinner together, but afterwards Yelena and Ava had to head out for a mission and wouldn’t be back until the next day. Bob wished them good luck on their mission and then headed into his room for the evening. 

John felt bad. He should’ve invited him to watch a movie or some sort of sitcom. Instead John was sitting at the TV alone, stuck in his head about Bob while reruns of The Big Bang Theory played as background noise. 

John didn’t even realize how long he was staring at the TV not actually watching the show, just looking at it to zone out, until Alexei came and patted John’s shoulder. John blinked a couple of times then looked behind him, where Alexei stood behind the couch. 

“Walker, what is bothering you?” He asked. John sighed and shook his head but it seemed Alexei was more persistent than John originally thought. The bigger man came and sat down beside John. “You know you can talk to me. To any of us, right?” 

“Yeah,” John grunted like he was some angsty teenager. This whole Bob situation made him feel like he was 17 years old again. No clue how to talk to girls or deal with any of these feelings. The rush of Bob’s touch also made him feel like a teenager, unable to control being flustered or not being able to think about Bob’s lips, or his curls, or those goddamn bright blue eyes that looked heartbroken every time John was near. 

“Talk to Bob,” Alexei told him as if reading his mind. “Whatever argument or… whatever feelings you may be having, you should tell him. Bob is a good guy. He will understand.” 

John nodded. “Yeah… maybe.” 

Alexei sighed and patted John’s knee. “Get some sleep, Walker.” He turned off the TV for John and headed off to his bedroom. 

John sighed and then checked the time: 12:08. It was later than he’d thought. At this point Bob was most likely fast asleep and well John didn’t want to wake him up. So John made the decision that he would talk to Bob tomorrow. He would. He made himself promise it. These feelings towards Bob weren’t going to go away on their own and he needed the rejection to get over them. 

The hallways were quiet and dark as John shuffled through them to get to his own bedroom, when all of a sudden he heard some sort of noise. It was… a grunting? Or maybe screams? John listened closer and found that they were coming from Bob’s bedroom. 

Without wasting a moment John hurried down the hallway towards Bob’s room and flung open the door as Bob screamed. John saw the man’s eyes were closed but his forehead was shining with sweat. A night terror, John realized. Usually Yelena helped and was best, Ava helped from time to time but John never really dealt with them. He only made pancakes with silly faces on them in the mornings after Yelena or Ava notified him that one occurred. 

Even though he never helped with them before, John wanted to do anything he could to help Bob. He couldn’t stand seeing him in such pain. 

John rushed over to the bed and knelt down beside him, and stroked at the man’s hair, trying to soothe him. 

“It’s okay Bob,” John whispered to him. “It’s okay, it’s all a dream. You’re okay. Bob it’s me, John, everything is okay.” 

Slowly, through John’s sweet nothings, Bob started to relax and wake up. His eyes slowly blinked open and recognized John. 

“John..?” He said groggily. “What-...? What are you doing here?” 

“I just heard screaming. You had a pretty rough dream, huh?”John asked, still keeping his voice low and hushed to keep Bob calm. 

After a moment Bob gave a small nod. “Yeah…. You- you didn’t have to-” 

“I wanted to,” John said, echoing what Bob said just a few weeks ago about the sandwich. 

“Oh…” Bob whispered. 

“Are you gonna be okay?” John questioned. “Do you want to... talk about it?” 

“No,” Bob said, quickly. “No…” 

John nodded slowly. He shouldn’t stay, especially not in this position, his hands still caressing Bob’s face. Now aware of their position, John pulled his hands away from Bob’s face and started to get up. Before he could turn to leave though, Bob grabbed his hand and John knew right then and there he would do anything Bob ever asked. 

“Would you stay with me?” Bob asked. 

And of course John’s answer was, “Anything for you, Bobby.” 

Bob somehow found the energy to give a small smile to John. He then scooted over in his bed. John didn’t understand what exactly he was doing until Bob patted the space next to him, and realized that Bob wanted John to sleep with him. And well… What kind of person could ever say no to those beautiful blue eyes? 

John climbed onto the bed and slipped under the covers beside Bob. They’re faces were mere inches apart and they were practically breathing the same air. Surprisingly though, John’s heart stayed tame. He just felt warm… comfortable. Like that moment during the movie when no one noticed them yet and John could just relax, knowing Bob was right there beside him. 

“What’s going on, Bobby?” John asked him, quietly, seeing all the gears turning behind Bob’s eyes. 

“Are we friends, John?” Bob asked him after a moment. 

John pulled his eyebrows together. “Of course we’re friends. I-... I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel otherwise.” 

“You promise you don’t secretly hate me?” Bob asked with a snicker, but John knew it was just to cover up his anxiety. He really thought that John despised him. God he never should have tried to avoid him like that. 

Before he had a chance to rethink it, John pulled Bob in by the waist into a hug, which Bobby gladly reciprocated. “I could never hate you, Bob,” John said, his words partly muffled by Bob’s shirt John nuzzled his face into. If this was what dating Bob was like, John might’ve confessed there and then. 

Alas, soon enough Bobby fell back asleep, his arms still wrapped around John. And John was just as content to fall asleep like that as well. John supposed he could sleep forever if Bob was always there with him. Something about his presence reminded John of a teddy bear. He wanted to take him everywhere with him. He wanted to always hold its hand, be its comfort, its guide, and most importantly, it was very cute. 

The next morning, John awoke to the sound of laughter and… photos being taken? 

Slowly John opened his sleepy eyes to find he was still in Bob’s bed but they’d shifted a little in the night. Instead of waking up to Bob’s face, he saw three other forms standing outside the door to Bob’s room: Yelena, Ava and Alexei. Alexei of course was the one who had his phone out and was taking pictures of the two of them. John felt Bob shift slightly behind him to find that he was practically spooning him, with Bob’s arms wrapped tightly around John’s waist, and his face pressing into the back of John’s head. 

Immediately John’s eyes shot open and he had a clearer understanding of what was going on. John felt heat creep up into his cheeks first and then his whole body was aflame, coming to terms with the position that he and Bob were in. 

“I guess John the pillow wasn’t just a one time thing then, huh?” Ava asked with a coy smile on her face. 

John huffed in annoyance. “Can you guys get out, please?” 

“Aww, John wants some alone time with Bob,” Yelena teased, and both she and Ava giggled as they headed out. 

Alexei of course stayed to take one last picture of them. “You guys are so cute. Very happy for you.” He said and gave John a big thumbs off before following Yelena and Ava to the kitchen, most likely for breakfast. 

As soon as they left, Bob hummed in his sleep and started moving, slowly waking him. His hands pulled away from John’s waist, leaving John cold, even with the blanket covering him. 

John twisted to face Bob who was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “How’d you sleep?” Bob asked sluggishly. His eyes opened and looked deep into John’s as if his answer was the most important thing in the world.

“It was a good sleep,” John replied, his voice also slightly deeper. “What about you, anymore nightmares?” 

Bob shook his head. “None,” he sighed and stared up at the ceiling fan before continuing. “Usually even after I have one… I-... I’m never able to fall back asleep, even if Yelena or Ava is there,” Bob turned to face John who was slowly deciphering what Bob was trying to tell him. “I think you’re the cure, John.” 

If his face wasn’t red before it definitely was now. John couldn’t keep these feelings to himself any longer. He had to tell Bob, and soon. 

(PLUS ONE) 

The rest of the day John psyched himself up, ready to confront these feelings for Bob head on. Today was the day John was going to tell Bob how he felt. He would. But of course he couldn’t do it right there in bed, no that would be too awkward. So John got up, got changed and let Bob do the same. 

John was going to tell Bob as soon as he got out of the shower. It was supposed to be an easy-going day, nothing big happening, so John assumed that Bob would simply wander into the living room and they could talk. 

As John waited for Bob though, Bucky rushed in, followed by Yelena and neither of them looked particularly relaxed. 

“Suit up, Walker,” Bucky ordered. 

John’s eyebrows pulled together and he shot up off the couch. “What? Why? What’s happening?” 

“There’s not much time to explain so here’s the short version,” Yelena started. “Some bad guys got their hands on classified information that’s set to be leaked any hour now. We’re stopping it, now hurry up and get your gear on.” Yelena shoved John in the direction of his bedroom. 

“But-” 

“But what, Walker?” Ava asked, phasing out of her room, her suit already on. 

John rolled his eyes. He supposed that his conversation with Bob could wait. Hopefully this wouldn’t take too long. 

Doing as he was told, John got his suit on and he along with Bucky, Yelena, Alexei and Ava headed out on their mission. Bucky explained the layout of the base where these supposed hackers were located. John, Yelena and Alexei would go in through the front, while Ava and Bucky went in through the back. 

The team understood the plan and did as so when they arrived. Bucky and Ava let the other three out of the car before they drove off out of sight to the back of the building. It was located in the middle of a dense forest, a few hours outside of New York City. 

Following the plan, John, Alexei and Yelena headed to the front of the building where two men were guarding the doors, looking like they were waiting to punch somebody. They didn’t get much of a chance to, as Yelena used her wrist stingers as soon as they were close enough. Alexei huffed when she did this. 

“You take all the fun out of it, Lena,” he complained. 

“This is a mission Alexei, I want to be done with it as soon as possible,” Yelena said, and snatched a keycard off of one of the guard’s pockets. 

“Yeah some of us wanted a day off,” John agreed with Yelena. 

Yelena let out a low laugh. “More like you just wanted a day to spend with Bob,” she added, getting Alexei to start snickering as well. 

“What? Is it so bad I want to spend time with my teammate?” John challenged. 

“Oh like you’re just going to get into bed with me and let me cuddle you like you’re a stuffed animal,” Yelena quipped, and shook her head with a smirk. “Please, John. Your affections have become quite clear.” 

“Yes, and it is safe to say that Bob also has affections for you,” Alexei added, as Yelena slid the card in and the door unlocked revealing quite a few other guards waiting to bash someone’s face in. Alexei laughed and dove head first into them, knocking some of them out with just a few punches. 

“You really think he likes me like that?” John asked, as one guard tried to come after him. John simply smacked him across the face with his bent shield, sending him flying into the wall and crumpled on the ground. 

“Well…” Yelena started, before being attacked by another guard. She quickly flipped the situation by twisting the man’s arm behind his own back. “When Bob and I talk about our days with each other, most of the time he talks about you and what you did that day.” Yelena grunted as she dislocated the guard's arm, then kicked him to the ground. 

“Really?” John asked in disbelief. Another guard came running at John. He ducked before turning around and punching him square in the face until the other man eventually fell to the ground without a fight. “He talks about me that much?” 

“Yes,” Yelena said as she judo flipped another guard onto his back with a loud thud. “It’s quite annoying really.” 

“It is,” Alexei chimed in as he held one of the guards up by their leg in the air like a fish. “He is always talking like, John did this and John did that and John is so cool and awesome, like I am not right there!” 

“Wow…” John said and stopped for a moment. Bob went on and on about John like that? John wasn’t even a good guy. He was a real asshole as he’d been told by… well just about everyone on the team, Bob included. But if John really meant that much to him and if everyone else thought so, John had to believe that Bob really did have feelings for John. That thought alone made his heart rate double, or maybe that was because he was in the middle of a battle. Speaking of which- 

“WALKER LOOK OUT!” Yelena yelled, but it was too late. Yeah coming to that realization in the middle of a mission wasn’t the best idea. 

A guard had come out of nowhere and punched John right in the nose. “Fuck!” John cursed and then punched the guard in the stomach. As he hunched over, John finished the job by kneeing him in the nose as payback, causing the guard to flip back and land on his back. 

John huffed and looked at Alexei and Yelena who were both standing waiting for John to finish up. 

He slumped his shoulders. “You couldn’t have helped me with that one?” 

“Nah,” Yelena smirked. “Sometimes it’s fun to watch you get sucker punched.” 

John grunted and they moved further into the base. Luckily there were only a few more guards on the way to the center where the hacker was located. Though when the three of them arrived they found that Ava and Bucky were already there with the target already unconscious. 

“Took you long enough,” Ava said with her arms crossed. 

“Sorry, John got the shit beat out of him,” Yelena explained. 

“I did not get the shit beat out of me. It was only-” 

“Yeah, whatever. John’s awful, what else is new. This mission is done. Let’s head back to the car,” Bucky cut him off, then led the way to the back entrance. John rolled his eyes, not bothering to defend himself anymore. 

On the car ride home all he thought about was what he was going to say to Bob when he saw him. John even created a little speech for himself in his head. It was perfect and hopefully if Yelena and Alexei were right, Bob would reciprocate the same intense feelings that John had for Bob. 

But of course, when did anything ever go according to plan for John?

When he and the others got back to the Tower, John went straight to Bob’s room. The door was closed, so of course John knocked first before entering. Once he heard Bob say it was okay to come in, John burst it with his speech on the tip of his tongue. But all the words quickly melted away in his mouth when Bob gasped and stalked across the room from where he was sitting on his bed, towards John, a concerned look on his face. 

“What happened?” Bob asked. 

John was confused. What was Bob so worried about? Bob then carefully lifted a finger to touch the tip of John’s nose and he remembered.

“Geez, did you not think to wipe this blood off your face at any point?” Bob asked. “I mean it makes you look badass but… are you okay?” Bob looked into John’s eyes when he asked this, finally tearing his eyes away from John’s nose. 

“Uh… Bobby I- I’m fine. Don’t worry about it,” John stuttered. God he looked like an idiot! 

“Come on, I’ll get you cleaned up,” Bob told him. Before John could protest, Bob led John into his bathroom and got out a washcloth. 

John stayed quiet as Bob worked. Bobby was very careful going around his nose, only trying to wipe the now tried blood off of his face and the facial hair he had growing on his upper lip. Though his fingers danced around his lips, he traced all the way around them with the cloth, not daring to go anywhere near them. It was driving John insane. 

Once John thought that he got all the blood off, Bobby continued. He dragged the wet cloth across John’s cheeks, carefully traced the slope of his nose, traced his jawline and hairline. It seemed as if he was trying to make a map of John’s face, and John had no complaints. His skin was on fire and the cold water was helping him stay composed. He swallowed thickly every once and a while to keep himself from lunging at the other man and capturing his lips with no warning. Though they had very little space between them, all it would take was John to take one step, maybe two steps and they’d practically be lip to lip. 

The thought of a kiss was too desirable an opportunity to pass up. Bob seemed to show no sign of stopping his cleaning of John’s face, so John had no other option but to take matters into his own hands. 

Without warning, John carefully grabbed Bobby’s wrist to stop his motion. His hand had stopped against John’s left cheek, to which John leaned into for a moment, finding comfort in Bob’s smaller hands against John’s skin, only separated by a thin piece of cloth. 

“Bobby,” John began in a low tone, not needing to speak loud with the small distance between them. “Please don’t tell me I’m reading this the wrong way.” 

“Reading what the wrong way?” Bobby practically whispered.

“You know what,” John breathed. 

John let go of Bobby’s wrist, only to use both hands, to tug lightly on the hem of Bob’s oversized t-shirt. John wished that he could see Bob in the suit again. He looked so damn good in it and John really wasn’t able to appreciate it at the time. 

Bob’s breath hitched as he was pulled closer to John. And the look on the brunette’s face was everything that John had wanted. He was blushed, flustered, unable to come up with anything to say to John that would make sense. Bob was completely embarrassed and red in the face. 

“So?” John prompted, raising an eyebrow at Bob. 

“You’re not reading anything wrong,” Bob told him. 

With that John pressed his aching lips to Bob’s and it was everything that John wanted. The warmth flooded through his body, fogging up his brain til the only thing left was Bobby. Bobby and his passion kissing John back. Gently cupping John’s face while pushing him back against the sink. Everything that had happened between them, all the bad blood or the miscommunication now meant nothing. With this they were finally on the same page. John ran his fingers through Bob’s lucious brown hair as Bob licked into John’s mouth. It was all perfect. They slotted together like the final piece of a beautiful puzzle. 

Bob pulled away first with that wonderful light-up-a-room-smile of his that almost made John faint right there. “I can’t believe you finally got my hints.” 

“It didn’t take me that long, did it?” John asked, slightly out of breath. 

Bob shook his head with a smirk. “You’re lucky you’re pretty, John.” He said as he ran his fingers through John’s hair. John stopped for a moment and took in what Bob had said.

“You think I’m pretty?” John meant it to be teasing but he was pretty sure he just ended up sounding insanely lovesick. 

Either way, it was obvious Bobby hadn’t meant to say it, as he turned a deep shade of maroon. “Oh shut up!” Bob retorted, rolling his eyes. 

So John did, with the satisfaction of Bob’s lips of his again and the fact that they were both blushing together.